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Posts by fijarakbar25
Name: Muhamad Fijar Rotul A
Joined: Jan 14, 2016
Last Post: Feb 3, 2016
Threads: 11
Posts: 13  
From: Indonesia
School: STAI La Tansa

Displayed posts: 24
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fijarakbar25   
Feb 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Media Should Adjust The Proportion of News Between Stars and Ordinary People [2]

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationship such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In temporary age, media are more likely to widely spread the news regarding the affairs and lives of famous figures. While it is true some argue that ordinary regular people should be paid more attention. I mainly believe that both proportions should be adjusted.

Regarding the first notion, media tend to broadcast latest issues related singers or athletes matters for commercial purpose and gaining profit although the newscast itself is occasionally unreliable and harmful for such figures. For instance: several celebrity cases are reported in any channel causing world phenomenon that eventually become public attention for long time. Next, lifestyle of world-famous artists always excites public of whole globe, popularity of charming footballer frequently drive them to update any information about their dealings. As consequences, society turns to be in desperate demand to meet their needs of information resulting in the boost of media rate.

Conversely, the idea of displaying regular people and make them well-known might be also captivating. People who are involved in volunteering, charity or community service should be covered by newspaper or other media in order to encourage them. In addition, it has powerful effect to society and motivates them to be advantageous. Let us take Ted Talks speakers as an example, many its speakers are common but they have successfully done valuable activities that enable them to be respected and extraordinary. Subsequently, spectators grow to be more embolden.

The aforementioned evidences reveal that it is true that media focus too much on the stars. I stand out to my opinion that magazines or newspapers should publish more ordinary people specifically who has contributed for society. It is believed that it will promote sense of humanity for people.
fijarakbar25   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The drawbacks and detrimental points of Fairmont Island visit assessed by some tourists [3]

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Fairmont Island, according to a survey of visitors.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant!


The drawbacks of regularly positive and detrimental points of Fairmont Island assessed by some tourists is illustrated in pie chart and measured in percentage. The most significant facts to emerge are that the greatest percentage of demerit was the expensiveness of living price. Conversely, the inhabitants gained the highest proportion of the benefits.

Regarding to the first figure, visitors surveyed that the ultimate disadvantages came from high living expenses for 45%. It was followed by entertaining programs which obtained less than a third of all sections. At 20%, the climate was the third largest level while meal quality was the least number for only 5%.

Turning to the beneficial aspects of the island, people condition was the majority of the proportion at 40% which was slightly higher than the scenery that gained less than two-fifths. The remaining figures shared almost equal number as the minority which were 11% and 12% for recommended lodging and culture respectively.



  • IMG20160202WA0009..jpg
fijarakbar25   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The benefits and drawbacks of the holiday at Fairmont Island are illustrated in the charts. [3]

Hi Mbak Wahyu, here some suggestions, especially for overview.

The data set isWAS obtained from surveyyou could paraphrase it by assessment of Fairmont Island visitors ...

Suggestions = The benefits and drawbacks of Fairmoont Island based on visitors' assessments is illustrated in pie charts and measured in percentage.

The most obvious pieces of information are that more...

Suggestions = The most obvious pieces of information are that the highest proportion of detrimental points was the expensiveness of living price. Besides, the largest plus points of the island came from inhabitant.
fijarakbar25   
Feb 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: the arguments about living in apartment building [3]

Here some suggestions to be better

than the people, who live in houses,

THAN THOSE OF PEOPLE LIVING IN HOUSES.

houses, and the others consider HOUSES. OTHERS CONSIDER THAT

all community spirit IT MIGHT BE BETTER FOR YOU TO PARAPHRASE THE WORD, SENSE OF COMMUNITY

high-rise condominium lonely is to avoid

LIVE IN SUCH CONDOMINIUM ALONE IS TO AVOID

limited access to others, who are not interesting

TO OTHERS WHO ARE BASICALLY DISTURBING OR BOTHERING

For instance, many apartment dwellers communicate and interact with their neighbour, even they do not know anyone who rents the room next to their flat. Finally, the lack of community's interaction occurs and the communities are more individual

ACTUALLY YOU SHOULD PROVIDE THE EXAMPLE WHICH RELEVANT TO MENTIONED TOPIC AT THE FIRST BODY PARAGRAPH.
fijarakbar25   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / DISCUSSION ABOUT INTERNET BASED COURSE AND ATTENDING LECTURE IN UNIVERSITY [2]

These days internet based courses have become a popular alternative to university based courses. Some students prefer this kind of learning because they do not need to attend the lectures. Others argue that it is important to study at university program. Discuss both views and give your opinion!

The sophistication of technology influenced many aspect of human life specifically education field, several universities has applied the advance toward long distance learning. Some state that internet based learning is much beneficial regarding time efficiency, while it is true other think that student should attend the university due to interpersonal interaction. In my point of view I would argue that they have to present at university lecture.

Admittedly, e-learning could be a handy way to obtain the university credit and offers flexibility to its participants to engage 24-hours access, this allows them to freely complete course tasks without depending on university schedule. Also they are able to learn while accomplishing other duties. According to research conducted by The University of Wisconsin, the satisfaction of students studying in online class comes from the flexibility. These, result in reducing travel cost and proffer time efficiency especially for students whose dwellings are not in the university area. For that matter, some people would like to prefer this kind of study rather going to campus directly.

However, the convenience might not be ideal if it is seen from time management and lecture-student interaction which are extremely crucial. The reason is that many students are less likely to participate in online class, it requires a tremendous number of self-motivation, plan and they sometime find difficulties in arranging the schedule as reported in The Journal of Technology in Education. In addition, interpersonal communication between students and lectures hold significant aspect of student's development. It is because direct feedback from instructor during study process enable them to be well-encouraged, enhance the knowledge and acquire profound insight. For instance, positive inquiry of teacher leads students to be more motivated resulting in mastery of such courses.

The aforementioned evidences reveal that notwithstanding convincing arguments on both sides about digital course above, it is believed that students are still required to be present at the lecture. Hence, students are sometime not totally aware and confused how to manage the schedule. Furthermore, they need to be guided inter-personally or in significantly face-to-face communication.
fijarakbar25   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The source shows the sale of hybrid vehicles in the world from 2006 to 2009 [4]

Here some suggestions

It might be better if you at least provide sentences each paragraph

... and total world sale was increased INCREASED more than 2 times

To begin, in 2006 the highest sale hybrid vehicles was the US WHICH it stood at 250,000, then in the next year, it increased gradually and reached REACHING a high 350,000 IN THE FOLLOWING YEAR
fijarakbar25   
Feb 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people argue that the great device to communicate people should be internet [3]

Here some suggestions from me

However, others assume that it is not the most ...

HOWEVER, OTHER ASSUME THAT IT IS NOT THE MOST APPROPRIATE MEDIA TO GAIN THE NEWS SINCE IT IS VERY SUBJECTIVE, PEOPLE COULD EASILY PUT THEIR PERSONAL THOUGHT AND IT SOMETIMES HAS NO RELIABLE SOURCES.

effective and communicative communication EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION (I think it is enough that way)
fijarakbar25   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children Should Begin To Learn Foreign Language At Primary School Rather than Secondary School [2]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Learning a specific language requires a plenty of time and habituation, no one is capable enough to master this media of communication in such insufficient period and without practice. Therefore some argue that learning foreign language could be much better if it is conducted at elementary immediately. I also concur with the notion that student of primary school should study such language rather than being taught at secondary education.

To begin, those who come up with the idea that children should study language of foreign people after completing primary school might possibly argue that they need to totally understand basic subjects such mathematics, sciences and norms. The reason is that these subjects were primarily crucial as their foundation for other lessons. As an illustration, mathematics will be always learnt virtually in all lessons. Secondly, learning language is sometime exhausting and not captivating due to various obligation related to linguistic improvement; reading, writing and other activities. These may burden children with great number of assignments which will eventually lead them to be bored and tired.

However, according to physiologist, primary school age is compatibly appropriate time to know abundant vocabularies and words since they are more likely to easily remember. For instance, compared to adult who tend to simply forget the lessons, children mind is much stronger. More interestingly, the most obvious advantages known from the notion is that human in such stages is repetitive and talkative resulting in pronunciation practice and greater chance to speak fluently. Let us see children who tend to do what their parents do, they are really fond of doing imitating activities because it is part of development.

To sum up, i believe that effects of children learning foreign language from elementary education are much more beneficial. It is because they naturally repeat movement and actively speak.
fijarakbar25   
Jan 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The advantages and disadvantages of taking a job between school and university [6]

Here some suggestions

and handling money which IN WHICH THESE ABILITIES these abilities are very essential in their future.

... to earn money by their own sweat. It THAT WILL PROBABLY LEADS leads them to be independent ...

, while the graduated students are placed in a lower level WHILE STUDENTS GRADUATED WITH LOWER ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT TEND TO BE PLACED IN BOTTOM

... since they prefer working before entering the university TURN TO BE DETRIMENTAL
fijarakbar25   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - School Should Provide Formal Training For Students To Be Good Parents [4]

Some people believe that children should have formal training at school to become good parents. Do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion!

It is argued that school should provide extra activities for student which goals are to enable them to have excellently parental skills in the future since being parents is extremely hard and requires series completion of obligation. However, some notice this notion is not essential to be conducted. I also concur that such particular course is not significant and would not be useful because children will grow naturally and they will find their own to be qualified parents.

Regarding to the first idea stating that parental program for children with the aim to prepare them to become skilled-parents is important, it may be appears after witnessing the reality of parental livelihood which is full of trouble and confuse when taking care children and family. As an illustration, several adults were reported to get troubled to manage household expenditure aside the process of nurturing their own early year children. In addition, by having such training, it is expected that upcoming young people could organize and tackle their family affairs perfectly, however, it seems so meaningless since the children would not understand and be aware kind of this complicated subject.

In reverse, becoming good parents does not need special education as mentioned above, they will understand as they grow up. The reason is that they learn those matters from social life, environment, and their family specifically. Let take student as an example, a plenty challenges they will possibly encounter in the lifetime. As a result, either they feel consciously or unconsciously, these make them more responsible and mature grown up.

In conclusion, it is confirmed that children will find abundant way to be talented parents someday from surrounding and community without being prepared by peculiar parenthood training that is likely to be meaningless.
fijarakbar25   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Tolerance and sympathy are more crutial than a truth. [4]

I found some flaws, let us check it

Personally speaking, I believe always telling the truth is not THAT ALWAYS TELLING THE TRUTH IS the most important consideration in relationships , and I will argue this point from three aspects.

A sentence contain two verbs should be added by a conjunction

... some cases in our daily life which make us inclined to not telling the truth / MAKE US UNWILLING TO TELL THE TRUTH.
... experienced that kind of situations since WHEN I was at the age of 6. My dear uncle Joshua once was discovered TO HAVE having a troublesome lung cancer when he was 35.

... to convince ourselves that he was sufferring SUFFERING FROM such a tragedy A DANGEROUS DISEASE.
... keep it as a secret and telling something comfortable ( CONVENIENT) to my uncle.

There are a few elections OPINIONS which I think ARE more important than ...
fijarakbar25   
Jan 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Being children means learning every aspect of life. The competition and cooperation is no exception. [3]

Being children means learning every aspect of life. It is necessary to motivate them to be well improved in cognitive, physical and social side; some even argue that teaching them competition spirit is immensely significant for their progressions. Aside these opinions, there are arguments saying that children ought to learn how to communicate with companions in order to be better grown people. I am convinced that although learning to interact with society is important, they should be also advised about struggle.

On one hand, children need to learn to live together because they could not survive without others. It is a mandatory for them to be introduced how to liaise with community, otherwise serious issues may appear if they ignore this principle like inciting hatred and enmity. Besides, cooperation helps them learn from each other, for instance many primary school students who are in sport team will probably exchange what they know for the sake of winning the competition. As a result they tend to be more experienced to live in larger society.

On the other hand, they need also to learn competitive life as they are in it. The most obvious advantage is that they are eager to open their mind which enables them to be more creative and innovative. Let take a child competing with other classmates as example, they will work hard to achieve highest result. This leads them to be independent and responsible for their own future.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that notwithstanding convincing arguments on both sides of debate about matters above, it is believed that supporting student to be competitive in positive way is as significant as having lesson about human interaction. The reason is that human complete proliferation and preparation to face future challenges could be achieved through those ways
fijarakbar25   
Jan 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - A Sense of Competition Should be Encouraged to Children [2]

Some people think that a sense of competition should be encouraged to children. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adult. Discuss both these views and give own opinion!

Introduction
Being children means learning every aspect of life. It is necessary to motivate them to be well improved in cognitive, physical and social side; some even argue that teaching them competition spirit is immensely significant to help them develop. Aside these opinions, there are arguments saying that children ought to learn how to communicate with companions in order to be better grown people. However, I am convinced that although learning to interact with society is important, they should be also advised about struggle.

Conclusion
The aforementioned evidence reveals that notwithstanding convincing arguments on both sides of debate about matters above, it is believed that supporting student to be competitive is far more beneficial since they will completely proliferated. They could simply achieve that if they obtain encouragement which comes from various resources.
fijarakbar25   
Jan 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 2 - It is believed that a health-based life is hard to be practiced - I would argue with this [2]

Good essay but here some suggestion

those people believing this reckon that humans tend to have a limited time to prepare a food recommended by doctor and to do a regular exercise regularly

A tight schedule inhabitantsit should be a tight schedule

our time well.= it could be better if you avoid OUR or other kinds of words related to limited or peculiar person

doctor-recommended way = recommendation of doctor (that might be enough)
fijarakbar25   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The line graph shows the amount of book expenditure for 4 different euro countries; IELTS 1 [3]

Then, Austria rose sharply for the last following 5 years than that of other countries.

which the higher than 3 countries.= which was the highest among three countries

there was then a gradual fall during = but then there was a gradual fall

From 1995 to 1999 saw a significant growth for the amount of Austria book expenditure but there was then a stable to 2001. But it was followed by a stable pattern

to finish period = to the remaining frame time
fijarakbar25   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / A description of change in the share cost of Outocompu Enterprises measured in Euro (I-XII.2010) [2]

A description of change in the share cost of Outocompu Enterprises in European Countries measured in Euro from January to December 2010, a one year period is presented in line graph. The main facts that stand out reveals that notwithstanding some fluctuation shown over the give period, there were two peak times in the middle of 2006 and early 2008.

The figure stood at roughly 13 Euros in the initial year. However, there were some fluctuations in 2006 which was followed by sharp increase accounting for 30€ in the middle of this period. 2007 witnessed unstable trend among art of this frame time but it was continued by a significant revive in the early subsequent year at exactly 30 Euros.

Next, the rate then suddenly dropped hitting a trough at approximately 8€, which was the lowest point ever obtained. Over remaining two years, 2009 and 2010, the pattern changed erratically and ended rebounding to the initial level.



  • Outokumpu.jpg
fijarakbar25   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 1 - NUMBER OF BOOKS READ BY MALE AND FEMALE; 2013 shown an interesting pattern [2]

A breakdown of comparison among books read by people based on gender at the Public Library of Burnaby between 2011 and 2015, a 5-year period is presented in line graph. What stands out from the graph reveals that both figures show an upward trend along period in question. In the last two years, male read books more than female did.

Male category stood at almost 25000 while rate of female was twice higher than the first rate in the initial year. Both levels then rose significantly where the books read by woman increased as high of 8000 in the following year. Meanwhile another sex just read a half of female proportion.

However, 2013 shown an interesting pattern, both genders increased but crossed different path. Number of male went up drastically reaching a peak at 14,000 surprising category of female that suddenly jumped hitting low level at approximately 8000. After which, the gap between the two sexes was eventually far.
fijarakbar25   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - the bar chart shows demand for hybrid vehicles in different countries [2]

Your essay is completely okay, here some suggestion

To begin, there waswere 360,000 innovative vehicles were purchased by people in the world in 2006.

Afterwards, This feltfell slightly to 300,000 in ...

This figure was similar to theother countries at the same time.
... both figures went up(You could use other synonym) gradually.
... the end of period whereas thatit was virtually unchanged ...
fijarakbar25   
Jan 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 1: The Percentage of Visitors in Brighton's Festival, Pavillion, Pier and Art Gallery [4]

Overall it has been described well but here i have some suggestions for you

Pavillion = Pavilion

... Pavillion and Pier increased in the end of period.
... that both patterns decreased in the end of period.(It could be replaced with other similar word)/Eventually

Initially, there was a rapid rise in number of visitors for Pavillion whichin which it peaked at approximately 48% of tourist in 1995. Besides,starting from 2000, it declined gradually till 2010, but it's still in highest percentage rathercompared to the other three than the other three.

... Pier's trend was fluctuatedfluctuating and hit a high of 22% in 2010.

In contrast, Festival's nnumbernumber of visitors stablestabled at 28% during 2000 to 2010. However, it decreased slightly if comparecompared with 1980. After that, 1985 experienced dramaticaldramatic increase in percentage of tourists in Art Gallery, but it dropped dramaticallysignificantly till the end of period.[/quote]
fijarakbar25   
Jan 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The description of alternation in visitors to the UK Brighton English Attractions (in percent) IELTS [2]

The description of alternation in visitors to the United Kingdom visiting Brighton English Attractions measured in percent from 1980 to 2010, a 30 year period is presented in line graph. The main facts that stand out reveal that the change of those traveling to England shows an erratic pattern among the frame time in which Pavilion visitors had predominant number. After overtaking Pavilion and Festival in 1985, the figure of Art Gallery plunged to the lowest level to the rest of period.

Pavilion and Festival, both gained the highest percent at approximately 23 and 30 in the initial period. Following year, the alternate changed respectively showing that Pavilion figure rose gradually over three years and reached a peak at almost 50 which was the greatest number during period given. However, it jumped considerably afterward. Next, Festival, which obtained the highest level in the first year, slightly decreased then leveled off in the periods of last just under Pavilion.

Meanwhile, Art Gallery and Piers which present a virtually similar trend subsequently rose to around 40 and 15 respectively. These two then steadily fell over the following year but in 2015 the level crossed different path in which the percentage of gallery declined considerably hitting the lowest point, whilst piers inclined to roughly 23 percent in 2015.



  • tourist_to_england.j.jpg
fijarakbar25   
Jan 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / TASK 1 - MONEY SPENT ON BOOKS IN FOUR EUROPEAN COUNTRIES [2]

The amount of money spent on book expenses in four distinctive European Countries from 1995 to 2015 is measured by US Million Dollars and presented by line graph.

It's evident that the figure shows an upward trend of whole four countries; Germany, France, Italy and Austria in which most money spent was occurred among People of German during all frame times, while the lowest value was gained by Austrian.

To begin with, Germany and French stood at 80 and around 55 respectively, however both experienced different alternates in which German gradually increased peaking at 90 in 1999 but was followed by a slight decline subsequently. Afterwards, it revived up to 90 remaining the highest point over the period. Next, French increased slightly during three initial years, 1995 to 2001, reaching a peak at 70 then continuously rose during following period just under German.

Meanwhile, 1997 shown incline in two remaining countries. But there was a slight fall experienced by Italy in 1999 then continued by steadily growth until the last period. Austria which was the lowest rate at the initial, turned out to cross different path in 2003 and obtained higher level than Italy.



  • IMG20160112WA0002_.jpg
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