Writing Feedback / THE PRINCIPLE OF A WIND TURBINE IN GENERATING ELECTRICITY [2]

The diagram presents the principles of a wind turbine in generating electricity. To generate the power, a wind turbine is mainly ran by four series of components. Further detail indicates that a wind turbine is required certain level of heights to maximize energy resource.

As the first mechanism, the propeller blade which made of fibreglass or wood and propped by a steel tower is forced by the wind flows. This stage starts up the other parts. Following this, the sensor of the wind turbine is activated causing the wind sensor records air current whilst it sends information to computer. Next, the direction and the angle of turbine blades will be navigated and suited based on the wind flows. Once it has been adjusted, the constant rotation which generates from the spin will supply electricity.

It is interesting to note that the varied power which generated by the wind turbine depends on where the turbine placed on. For the short-tall domestic turbine, the generator produces 100 kilowatts. On the other hand, the wind turbine which set above sea level or mounted on the higher place will produce more power up to 1.5 megawatts electricity.

Writing Feedback / How does people use water in Gulf Countries? Here is the answer [5]

Hello everyone!
If you do not mind to spend a minute, please look at my following IELTS Task practice.

The table gives information on how six gulf countries consume water for the different purposes in 2000 and is measured in the percentage. It is noticeable that, with the exception of Kuwait, all countries consume water predominantly for agriculture and it is followed with domestic need, while water use far less for industrial.

With the regards to the volume of water use for farming, both Saudi Arabia and Oman had the highest use of water, range at a very large majority. Accounting for a slightly lower amount of use was Bahrain and Kuwait just under a fifth and nearly two-fifths respectively.

Turning to the second biggest use was in the field of domestic, Kuwait, spent the highest consumption, stood at 63% and followed by Bahrain with a large proportion of use. Interestingly though, Saudi Arabia and Oman had particularly high levels for agriculture, both of these countries crawled at a small proportion. The median domestic consumption was UAE at 35% and Qatar at 30%.

Finally, water used for industrial by all gulf countries was a tiny proportion, the exception being Kuwait at just under 20%.

Please note me as well, whether the writing has covered the most significant information or not.
Thanks in advance

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Writing Feedback / The addiction to the Internet seems to be a concerning issue, and many people suffer from it [2]

Distinguish contributors and fellow writers, please asses my writing.
Any feedbacks would be help

THE INTERNET HAS MADE HUMAN LIVES MORE CONVENIENT
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The affair of individuals is mindlessly to accomplish in line with the anchor of the internet. This essay will stand to encounter such notion on the basis of cyber crime and over reliance induced by the internet.

It is undeniable that the internet crime perpetrated by inhabitants has been growing rapidly. Every single person is able to publish any kind information provoking potential perpetrators to get ones' personal details and committing perpetration through virtual milieu. Taking social media for example, in stage with the proliferation of its users, several cases regarding to personal account abuse were reported. Hacking Facebook account became widespread at the recent times resulted on more of loss to its members. At the end, the internet seems to be associated with the increasing number of criminals.

Furthermore, the dependency of mankind with the internet may consider as highly critical as well. Since the internet spoiled users with disparate features, there is, then, a tendency that human who intensively surf the website is likely relied too much on its provided services. It will be easy to describe by looking at how students in particularly use online translator to translate a passage into their native language, making the process of comprehending task become effortless. As the consequence, the degree of learners' acquaintances tend to be solely stored on device. Thus, it is true to argue that the excessive number of the internet services leads human being to be dependance.

To sum up, perpetration and addiction on the internet seems to be a concerning issue suffered by inhabitants lately. Hence, human need to be wisely in utilising any sort of devices for prompting their activities.

*if possible, please indicates how far I've done with my stance

Thanks in advance.

Writing Feedback / Stepping to IELTS Writing: Conclusion, Body, and Example [2]

Hello IELTS writers and conquerors!
The following is my essay practice divided into three separated sections: Conclusion, Body, and Example.
I really welcome some feedbacks, comments, and any kinds of suggestion (partial or full are appreciated).

For Conclusion part

Exercise 2
Question 1
As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.

Answer:
As afore discussed reasons, despite the fact inter-continent commerce hold important position in escalating the GDPs, the downsides of the strategy is likely higher than its merits. As such, it should be driven that a nation pay more concern to reinforce the production of local products to exploit fully its resources.

Question 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.
Answer:
In conclusion, to say that the viewpoints of accepting children's labour as their pathway for practical grounding could be worth value. However, I firmly believe that a child timeline is a precious moment to develop positive characters for their brighter future. Therefore, it is not considered to be wise to engage children to work in their early age.

Question 3
Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer
In brief, voluntary work is crucial to expand the social awareness of young learners as to form their emotional intelligence. My stance is clearly to support such notion and to prop up the integration of that learning scheme.

This one is for Body
Exercise 3

Write down two paragraphs (one idea and multiple idea paragraph) opposing the following essay question:
There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One idea paragraph
....
However, the idea of technology bringing many considerable advantages is not the most valued by some people. Since technology employed excessively in almost every field of humans' live, then it is true to say that people at these days relied much on its harness. Mankind depends so badly with automation and make a process of achieving particular affair become effortless. It will be easy to describe by looking at educational milleu on how learners fall into the trap of using media learning. Making a compound sentence or translating a complex passage, for instance, can be done by a single click through an online translator, bringing the sense of analysing contexts less appreciated even among advanced language learners. As a result, the degree of human foreign language acquaintances are more likely stored on devices rather than instilled as individual's skills or capabilities instead. Therefore, it true to say that the instant process offered by technology at this current digital era eventually leads most individuals become too reliant on technology.

Multiple idea paragraph
....
However, for some people technology may be regarded to whip more disadvantages in the way people thrive. The underpinning of technology in our daily routine encourage individuals to be less socialising. Children who addictive with online games usually spends hours their time at home and become a solitary person. In addition, the constant passive life cycle also provides risk on one's health. As a consequence, people keep staying on their zone resulted on their minimum time for sports and sort of rehearsals which at the end lead them to particularly susceptible disease. Also, by looking up the trend of online trading, nowadays people tend to buy and make their transaction via online and this is, without no doubt, cutting the number of workers require on job field as well as bring them to gain less chance for job vacancy.

The last part for example
There have been major advances in technology over recent decades and this has led to significant improvements in people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Points for
The spread of the internet is a positive development because everyone has easy access to an abundance of information. A good example of this is the flows of scholarship information through websites, blogs, and social media. Online forums provide readily available to people to receive quickly numerous updates and even the scholarships' deadline reminder. Some websites associated their features with one fast track, allowing their subscribers to get every important message from email and ensuring them to follow the scheme. All in all, the broad array of information which spread to user at these days, making people easier to gain details and relevant updates.

Against for
However, there are also drawbacks because of the easy access to dangerous sites. For instance, in social media such as Facebook or Twitter, users are free to share any kinds of information, including posting a link that associated with pornography website on their wall. Through a "share" feature, pictures and videos contained with adult content are readable to millions of connected users across the globe, not to mention, those are under 18 years old. This is without no doubt can potentially harm the growth characters and attitude of the young generation. As aforementioned points, then it is true to say that open virtual access also provides threat to its users.

Writing Feedback / The Challenge of Starting Introductory Writing, Will You Address Some Suggestions? [3]

Hello fellow writers, please examined my following writing-practices regarding to an introductory essay for IELTS.

Question 1
As global trade increases, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
Answer
In every day demand, plenty of commodities are manufactured in certain nations and exported away to other part of the world in fulfilling the needs of international business. While it is generally accepted that international trade plays the most significant roles to the country's economical growth, I would stand to propose my declination that such policy may issue more deterioration than its advantages.

Question 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.Answer
In some part of the world, there are several youngster involved in particular jobs. There are therefore some people value it as a mistake, while some regard it as rewarding professional experience. As such, I will discuss both perspectives in the following paragraphs.

Question 3
Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Answer
Non-profit organisation roles ideally adopted as middle school obligatory services. While social engagement is pivotal to develop in return for acquaring social quotient from school. I would stand on the proponent side to support as such policy due to the following reasons.

Writing Feedback / KPU urges govt to speed up e-KTP for Feb. elections [3]

Your feedback is very welcome.

As a form of revitalisation in electoral system, the General Elections Commission (KPU), has advised the authority to accelerate the substitution of regular identity card of about 41.8 million Indonesian into electronic identity card (e-KTP) by the next February. Despite the instruction to use e-KTP for voting, however, there are approximately 5 million voters remaining in printed ID modes.

Individuals who are not meet the requirement -whether to hold an e-KTP or residence certificate in election- will automatically loss their right to vote. Furthermore, Hadar Nafis Gumay stated that it is the duty of the government to arrange a well-structured procedure for each citizen in order to prod the easiness in turning over the ID.

In fact, some troubles may still be encountered by Indonesians in getting e-KTPs. The Indonesian Consumer Foundation in the previous month argued that several reports had received regarding to inadequacy of an e-KTP blank forms. As a result, an accumulation in the system took the operation two to three months longer than expected. However, the idea of obliging e-KTP in elections projected to be implemented in 2019.

Writing Feedback / The elusive demographic bonus - boon or bust? [2]

This is my other writing,

Indonesia has projected to deal with the demographic bonus by 2025. For some, the escalation of what so-called "the golden age" may attract a considerable concern. Supposedly, we all, the Indonesian, make a full inquiry to ourselves; are we well-prepared enough to deal with the future booming populution? What sort of lessons we can draw from the past?

In related to aforementioned questions, the global research by the Economist Intelligence Unit (EIU) and headed by Citi Foundation in January-April 2015 conducted a study to the youth from 35 disparate prominent cities worldwide, including Jakarta. The outcome was surprising.

Jakarta stood at the fifth in regarding to the confidence of the young people for being welfare and successful. However, it was abominable due to the fact that the GDP/capita cities was cradled at the bottom.

The other pivotal point was the educational experiences. The research revealed that from 35 sample cities, Jakarta placed at 28th among. Such a low level of education can hamper the ones enthusiasm at the first place.

The last significant aspect should be the quality of the human and social capital itself. Without no doubt, the powerful degree of certain citizens will determine how resistant ones nation in the midst of global threats to thrive.

Therefore, all those priorities should be measured thoroughly for the ideal dream of the future nation.

Just feel free to leave your feedback below.
Thanks

Writing Feedback / Fighting for Aleppo, who is the target? [2]

I have no idea whether the following writing will be welcomed in news column or not, but I try to sound like a journalist. Here is the inscription:

The two most concern countries with Syrian flame, Rusia and the U.S, signed to light up the fuse of aggression in Aleppo.

The Russian spokespersons, in one hand, are said to devote more time to resolve the problems by every means with the American delegates. Striking for Aleppo has become the major attention of the country.

However, the U.S. remarked that there is still a gradual arbitration for both hands and no grant resulted.

In fact, the orchestration of combating the radical groups by both countries indicated uncertainty who they will be targeted for.
Russia claimed that its party has deprecated the U.S. disinclination to exhort the rebels on the ground. Therefore, the coalition needs to cop out the onset from the militants.

Your refinement and feedback will be widely welcomed.Gracias!

||- news resources: time.com/4453589/russia-aleppo-deal-us/ -||

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Writing Feedback / Retirement Saving Doesn't Have to Be So Stressful [3]

Have you planned properly your retirement? If it not, then you need to know this..

The retirement savings of Americans at this time and age is a doodle case to be depicted; mostly frustrating on the way of investing their money for retirement. Study conducted by Schwab Survey reveals that four of ten Americans face a stressful time building sufficient retirement savings (24% allocating for labour insurance, 21% for credit card arrears, 20% for monthly cost).

In fact, people is about to be stressful for retire decades ahead, yet 38% put stress in the prior moment for worry, 26% struggle to cover the credit card loan, and 24% repress to costs of school.

The question that arise then how people can arrange their financial for future retirement properly? Schwab implied that the third plan should stop to escalate their contribution rate. The proper allotment for contribution rate better divided into 1% or 2% annually until it peaks at 12% to 15% of pay.

||- essay resources:
time.com/money/4448639/retirement-saving-doesnt-have-to-be-so-stressful/ -||

Writing Feedback / The leaders of Turkey and Russia appear to be making up [3]

Second assignment for online class. Your feedback will be very welcome

The president of Turkey Recep Tayyip Erdogan has been criticised by the national press of Russia concerning to the decision of Turkish forces shot down a Russian jet near the Syrian border. While the trade proposal which reducing the flows of the tourist to the land: prior at 3.6m Russians visited Turkey in 2015, drop at 184,000 since the first half of 2016.

However the two state leaders organised their meeting in St Petersburg followed on Erdogan official apologising Putin. The meeting closed with the agreement to restore the economic relations for both countries.

Politicians worry that the meeting shows Turkey's track to segragate from the European countries. Moreover, the strained situation between Turkey and America due to Fethullah Gulen who plotting the attemption of overthrowing the governement on July 15th. Turkey demands Mr Gulen's extradition while in contrary America so far has refused, arguing that this will be for its courts, not its political leaders, to decide.

||- essay resources: economist.com/news/europe/21704768-recep-tayyip-erdogans-first-trip-abroad-failed-coup-meet-vladimir-putin

Writing Feedback / A chronicle Abuse' at Australia's Nauru Immigration Camp [2]

The confidential files revealed a massive reports of sexual abuse committed on the assylum seekers' camp facility in Nauru, Australia. The victims who were mostly women and children had been sexually abused, brutally attacks, and threatened in a poor living situations. The news even leak how a girl had her lips sewn together and many children experienced a series of molestation.

The further examination by The Guardian also highlighted that the mental of assylum seekers had got worse since they were imprisoned in the camp and supplied with a very limited basic needs, not to mention, a small number of tents for refugees' dwelling.

In fact, the critics of detenting by U.N put the place as a low standard for regional neighbors. It has been since long in 2015 indicating that Australia's government set badly the management of detention camp prior from New Guinea to the latest in Nauru Island.

||- essay resources time.com/4445992/australia-nauru-asylum-camp-abuse/ -||