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Posts by kobayakawa07
Name: Mahdi Nurianto Ahmad
Joined: Aug 12, 2016
Last Post: Aug 18, 2016
Threads: 8
Posts: 13  

From: Indonesia
School: Surabaya

Displayed posts: 21
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kobayakawa07   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED talks: My underwater robot for ocean exploration. [4]

My underwater robot
By David Lang


In recent days, NASA uses undersea laboratory combined with underwater robot to train astronauts and aquanauts in such an extreme condition. They use ROV (remote operated vehicle) robots to record video in deep sea across with ultra-thin wires back to computer topside. Such a ROV is open-source which means we can modify it without restriction. Such a cutting-edge technology is virtually 1,000 times cheaper than underwater robot that used in exploring Titanic.

ROV is usually used to explore the oceans for oil and gas exploration or construction. However, David Lang, the speaker, built the unique one. At the beginning, the idea came from him and his friend to search lost gold in the underwater cave. Due to lack of technology and money, the decided to ask in the internet, and they made web, namely openROV. In such a website, experts, like ocean engineers, could be involved. Because of such a brilliant idea, people around the world were interested, and supported them to make 'little company' that produced ROV kits that people could build ROV by themselves. Therefore, such a breakthrough will open the world with global ocean exploration.
kobayakawa07   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED's : art make unusual stuff [4]

Hello adip, It's nice to know you here. Your summary is pretty good. It is well-structured. It has good pattern too. Here my analysis:

-Alexa Meade talks about your biological is her canvas. Actually, I don't get the point of this statment since you mention "biological" which is adjective. I think you can add some noun, such as "body" or "face" after "biological

-She painted it immediately on The top of the man when she wantswanted to make a portrait, painting ...
I think you should use past tense since the first phrase is "past condition"

-Sometimes, she hopeshoped to bring folks down to her studio and showed them that she spent hisher days in a basement, ...
I find that you aren't consistent to use tenses. I think it's better if you make those phrases to simple past sentences. In addition, don't forget to use "her" to change "she"

Thank you very much adip. I hope we can learn english together.
kobayakawa07   
Aug 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Intel Reinvents Itself to Stay King in a Changing World [3]

Hello Eka, I am very glad to know you here. Your summary is well-structured, and it has good coherence. But, I suggest you to improve about the use of punctuation.

1st paragraph
Nowadays, there are a numbera great number of similarfactoryfactoriesas Intel, like Intel.andA s the result, Intel have faced aas global competition.

Be careful if you want to use 'are', you have to use 'plural' in the following words. Don't forget to give many examples if you use 'such as'. I think it is better to use 'as' when you explain about role of intel in worldwide.

In the market, people moved from only classic CPU to orderingorder Internet services, and by the time, Internet ...
2nd paragraph
ThisThese actions have been taking to ...
Don't forget to use 'plural' word if you want to explain plural

Thank you very much. Feel free to give me advice too. I hope we can learn English together.
kobayakawa07   
Aug 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED talks: Could we cure HIV with lasers? [3]

Could we cure HIV with lasers?
By Patience Mthunzi


Nowadays, if we suffer headache, we swallow pill of aspirin. Swallowing pill is the most effective and painless way of delivery any medication in body. However, there is big problem in HIV patient. They usually take anti-HIV drugs. While it is good for lowering virus in blood by increasing the CD4 cell counts, it gives bad effects. It can make blood to become dilute, experts usually call it "drug dilution".

Fortunately, there is latest technology that we can deliver anti-HIV directly to the HIV-infected cell by using lasers. Such a breakthrough technology has been used for dentistry. In this cutting-edge technology, we use laser pulses to drill extremely tiny holes which open and close HIV-infected cells to deliver drug. Although now it is still testing in test tubes, but the final goal is applying to human body. In the future, such a technology can lead to complete eradication of HIV in the body.
kobayakawa07   
Aug 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / Discuss the possible advantages and disanvantages of making unemployed people take any job. [3]

Hi grint. It is nice to see you here. I like your essay structure. It is so well-structured.

3rd paragraph:
-So it can make the number of slot's need to be increase.increased
I think your sentence is passive voice, so we have to use verb 3 in 'increase'

2nd paragraph:
-All of their needs can be fulfilled from it.
after modals, it should be added with base form of word

Thank you very much grint
kobayakawa07   
Aug 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / A work that can give minimum salary should be obtained by people who remain jobless [2]

Some people believe that unemployed people should be made to work for their welfare/benefit payments. Others, however, see this as cheap labour.
Discuss the possible advantages and disadvantages of making unemployed people take any job.
Do you believe that making unemployed people work is a good idea?


Some parts of society argue that work that can give enough salary should be obtained for people who do not have any job. While others claim that they do not appropriate to get good payment as they are less expensive labour. In this essay, I believe that giving good work for unemployed humans is excellent idea since it will decrease the number of crime. However, the firm where they work will lack of budget.

Declining crime level of such a region is one of positive effects that can be obtained. If people have no idea to get welfare payments, they can become thief. Then, this phenomena will disturb rest of society. For example, according to police report of United States of America in 2013, there was correlation between number of crime and number of unemployed people. The number of crime fell down at 30 per cent. Such figure followed by decreasing the number of unemployed people in such an area.

In addition, many companies which hired unemployed people will be closed. This happened because the companies cannot give enough salary to all labour which are included ex-unemployed people. Those firms' budget will experience unbalance between income and outcome which the outcome is greater that the income itself. For instance, research from University of Texas reveals that virtually half of companies in Texas stopped their production in 2003 due to unbalance budget. Such a fact occurred since local government forced them to hire unemployed people.

To sum up, while some people claim that job which can give welfare payments should be made for unemployed people, others argue that policy will make many firms to close their activities. On the other hand, I believe that making unemployed people work is perfect idea since it will make the number of crime to decrease significantly.

Note - you will be suspended if you continue posting WEAK advice in other students' topics.
kobayakawa07   
Aug 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / In 2005, there were 27 million homes in United Kingdom, and most of them in private hands [2]

Task 1: The percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK

The proportion of housing owned and rented in the UK in 1985 and 2005 are presented in the pie charts. In 2005, there were 27 million homes which most of them are privately owned. However, both of privately owned and council rented contributed significantly in 1985.

In 2005, the privately owned gave virtually more than three-fourth of 27 million homes around UK which was the number one of contribution in housing owned and tented. The second place was given to council rented at around 15 per cent. While privately rented cintributed as same as council rented, there was only small percentage that showed in social housing.

More than half of 22 million homes in the UK were privately owned in 1985. The council rented in this year gave more proportion than in 2005 at around 30 per cent. On the other hand, privately rented contributed at certain number same as in 2005. However, there was a slight proportion that gave from social husing.




kobayakawa07   
Aug 13, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are three advantages and disadvantages of being person who lives in a small village. [2]

Hi dinar, you have a lot of idea in your essay. I like it very much. Here is my analysis:

3rd paragraph
Not only gain we got living in small village, but also there were also weakness.
I think you should give 'but also' in same sentence if you put 'not only' in the beginning

Thank you very much. I hope we can learn english together.
kobayakawa07   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people [2]

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In the ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

Sustaining to live full and active lives in elderly people can be obtained from the breakthrough of health and longer life duration. From such a phenomena, I totally sure that they can contribute to their circumstances. In this essay, I would like to point out two ways in which such people can gain advantages from such an interest, such as involving in family's occasions and consulting group.

Engaging into family's certain event is one of the approaches that old people can give benefits. They can show unique traditional games or sports in particular area for young people. If they love cooking, they may also train how to cook tasteful typical food in such a region. Valuable moral values can also be delivered to people who still do not know about attitude. Those examples are reasonable since they lived in the era that recent people still do not exist.

In addition, becoming involved in consulting association is one of the most beneficial ways. Old people can take into account in such an association based on their education background. According to such a method, some retired people are able to criticize the current politics while others might give several suggestions. Those who have experience about environment also could present great solutions to present-day problems related to their knowledge.

To sum up, cutting-edge health and longer life spans can make old people to pursuing their live fully and actively. While joining consulting affiliation is one of the most appropriate ways, taking on family's exclusive situation is also one of the ways to contribute.
kobayakawa07   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary from an article in new scientist : How to Watch the Great Perseid Meteor [2]

Hi farida! would you mind if I give feed back to you? here it is:

... see the meteors because they can see itthem with naked eyes. I think 'it' should be replaced by 'them' since you use 'meteors'(plural) not 'meteor' (singular)

I am sorry if there are some mistakes. Let's learn English together :)
kobayakawa07   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of Scotland's demographic progression from 1940 to 2020 is presented in the graph [3]

The figure shows demographic trend in Scotland. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
The percentage of Scotland's demographic progression from 1940 to 2020 is presented in the line graph. Overall, the birth rate is projected to decline gradually over time. While the population growth rate is estimated to hit a lowest point in around 2005, there is predicted to increase gradually in the end of period.

In 1940, the proportion of birth rate stood at 2.5 per cent. Afterwards, there was a gradual decrease to 2.0 per cent in half decade later. Then, it began to increase during the period 1945 to 1950. Finally, such a value decreased continuously over years, and it envisaged to remain stable for the following years.

Both of population growth rate and death rate were below 2.0 per cent in the beginning years, at 1.5 per cent and virtually 1.0 per cent respectively. The population growth reached a high of 1.5 per cent between 1950 to 1955. After that, It fell steadily, and hit a low of zero before 2005. On the other hand, a dramatic decline was seen in death rate during early-years of the period. However, it will rise gradually during the end of period.




kobayakawa07   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Time : Rainbow cake mountains show stunning slices of colour [2]

Time : Rainbow cake mountains show stunning slices of colour
By Emily Benson

Breaktaking parts of colour are seen in rainbow mountains

There is an alien-like phenomena in China's Zhangye Danxia Landform Geological Park. Such phenomena, which is located in Gansu Province, is colourful mountain that consists of many parts of colour. Since of such a fact, society often call it as rainbow mountains.

Such a view occurred since water and oxygen contacting with iron, minerals, and others element that writhe from sediment. In the past, sediment transformed into rock. Then, tectonic forces made rock moved and formed unique structure as we saw today. Such forces are same as forces that used to make Himalayas Structure. With erosion from water and wind, the relief of rock had been changed as we see today.

reference : time.com
kobayakawa07   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Fiji Wins First Ever Olympic Medal [7]

Hello Riandi. Nice to know you here. I like your essay very much. Here my analysis.

2nd paragraph.
The International Olympic Committee in 2009 added this game to the tournament.

Because it is in the past, I think you should give past tense in that sentence. Thank you
kobayakawa07   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Writing Task 1 Level of education of Bulgarians planning to leave Bulgaria [3]

Hi Ilmi. Your introduction is almost perfect. I like it very well :)

You can paraprahe it good, however I would like to give somethings. First, it is better to replace "country" to other word such as "nation" since that world has already been used in the question. Moreover, it is better to transform "people" with other words, such as Inhabitants.

I think that's all. Thank you ^_^
kobayakawa07   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Talks: 10 ways to have a better conversation [4]

TED Talks: 10 ways to have a better conversation
By Celeste Headlee

In this world, every conversation has potential to be developed into argument. Research that involved 10,000 people in United States of America showed that we are not listening each other while we are making conversation. On the other hand, conversation requires balance between listening and talking. Now, some people lose such balance because of cutting-edge technology. Most teenagers seldom to talk face to face today. They prefer texting rather than making conversation. Therefore, they get difficulty when they do the class project.

Pay attention is the most important way when we talk or listen something. Furthermore, there are several ways to make better conversation. First, we do not allow to multitask. Second, we should go with the flow. Next, don't compare with your experience. Your acquaintance's experience is totally different with yours. Finally, it is about listen. Without listening, the good conversation will not happened.