Holt Educational Consultant
Oct 22, 2016
Scholarship / To eradicate the wrong thinking that all Muslims are terrorists. LEADERSHIP & INFLUENCE essay [7]
Faisel, please don't be offended but you should not allow a false impression of Muslims to take over the way you write this paper. It does not offer the information that is normally found in such an essay because it delves on topics of racial discrimination, a sense of self-importance, and a general discussion of what you perceive to be the leadership roles you have had over a course of time. If you want to really present your leadership and influencing skills to the reviewer, then present a solid event that you participated in that will do exactly that. What you need is factual evidence of your leadership and influencing skills. The information you have provided cannot be fact checked by the reviewer because it doesn't mention anything specific about your leadership role.
I believe that you can do this more effectively by discussing the leadership role that you had during your final year project. Start by explaining what the project was about and how you found yourself becoming the leader of the group. Tell the reviewer about the difficulties you faced, in an expanded form. At the end, display specific moments during the project development that highlights you leadership and influencing skills. Right now, the only part of the essay that best responds to the prompt sits in this version as a mere overview when it has the potential to exponentially help your essay.
Remember, generalized discussions work for summary essays. It does not do much for you when you have a very fact based essay to write about. Pick one topic and develop it along the vein of the prompt expectations instead.
Faisel, please don't be offended but you should not allow a false impression of Muslims to take over the way you write this paper. It does not offer the information that is normally found in such an essay because it delves on topics of racial discrimination, a sense of self-importance, and a general discussion of what you perceive to be the leadership roles you have had over a course of time. If you want to really present your leadership and influencing skills to the reviewer, then present a solid event that you participated in that will do exactly that. What you need is factual evidence of your leadership and influencing skills. The information you have provided cannot be fact checked by the reviewer because it doesn't mention anything specific about your leadership role.
I believe that you can do this more effectively by discussing the leadership role that you had during your final year project. Start by explaining what the project was about and how you found yourself becoming the leader of the group. Tell the reviewer about the difficulties you faced, in an expanded form. At the end, display specific moments during the project development that highlights you leadership and influencing skills. Right now, the only part of the essay that best responds to the prompt sits in this version as a mere overview when it has the potential to exponentially help your essay.
Remember, generalized discussions work for summary essays. It does not do much for you when you have a very fact based essay to write about. Pick one topic and develop it along the vein of the prompt expectations instead.