Undergraduate / father's mental illness (influential person) [5]

... who made hundreds of millions which of my father did not receive a penny. of.

I automatically am biased against this essay because the introduction is all about a mental illness the sufferer of which might prefer be kept private. If I had a mental illness, I would not want people writing essays about it. That is not to say you cannot write about your experience; your experience is not the same as your father's mental illness.

So I wonder if you might want to refer to it in a different way. It's easy to express the same thing in a way that is more tasteful. When I say more tasteful, I mean that it is maybe distasteful to write an essay about someone else's mental illness. In fact, I would go as far as to say that it is distasteful even if the person gave permission. But that is just the opinion that comes from my own eccentric perspective.

My advice is like this: Shift it to take the emphasis off the story, and instead emphasize the INFLUENCE. That means you should talk about the connection between this experience and your outlook on the future and on the college decisions you are making. Bring it right back to your college process, because that is what this is really all about.

:-)

Essays / A compare and contrast essay on two people i know - writing an introduction! [3]

Compare/contrast is a tricky kind of essay!

Google this: compare, contrast, alternating, opposing, essay

Try this method:
1.)Write a body paragraph all about your mom.
2.) Write a body paragraph all about your aunt.
3. Write a paragraph that talks about the ways they are similar AND the ways they are different.
4.) Write a conclusion paragraph that reflects on the interesting INSIGHT you gained from comparing them.
5. Finally, go back to the top of the page and write an intro that tells the main ideas and that important insight... the insight that is like the "fruit of the essay."

Scholarship / "She's not wearing makeup so her face just looks like skin" [5]

It would be great to use a colon here:
Imagine for a moment the following scenes: a little girl...

It is the duality and wonder of makeup that inspires and enables me to dream in color and beauty.---see the change I suggested here?

I will say that less is more.
I was never granted the gift to splash murals of art in cities or create large scales installations, but I was...

... but they have the ability to change a face from skin to art. I'm not limited to the end of paper.
It would be ridiculous to only live in art, to say that I solely want to be a makeup artist because it has artistic fulfillment. --This is such an interesting stream of thought! I think your writing will be well-received.

:-)

Undergraduate / Essay for experience@singapore why I want to participate in this programme, how to? [8]

I like to use a colon in a situation like this:
...of the work culture and the signature trait of Singapore: Multiculturalism.
That's a great theme!

This will be my first exposure to an international environment, and...

This is all very practical, but I still want to know... what are your short term goals? What is your ultimate goal? What can the reader get excited about?

:-)

Writing Feedback / A single career (old-fashion) OR several careers to earn more money [4]

Let's check the verb tense in this sentence:
When technologies were not developed and world economy is was still stable at a low rate of unemployment, people were...----Now all of it is in the past tense.

Therefore, they may tried to become the best in their fields to guarantee a comfortable life for their families.----Again, past tense.

In addition, chances for new jobs are were not accessible to people due to the lack of development in telecommunication, transportation. It may have been the main...

However, things are different these days. Firstly, with the support of advanced technologies, especially computers, people can have a variety of career choices and job choices are widely available in different fields.----Great ideas. I just made a few small changes.

I'll just add one word here:
Consequently, it's very urgent for people to collect knowledge relevant to their jobs and master the necessary professional skills.----excellent sentence.

:-)

Do you understand all the changes?

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - The government should support science research [12]


Zhang made a good point. Practicing hard is not the same as hardly practicing. That is a riddle for you to figure out. :-)

Writing Feedback / What kind of writing have you done at work and in school? [4]

I believe writing is something you express through words instead of actions. Not a good start. It is too obvious!

Writing is like a magical way of putting together your thoughts. -----THIS is a good start!!! I like it!!!!

It was freshman year of high school, I had yet a clue of what was ahead of me. ---This sentence needs a conjunction. How about the word YET after the comma?

My first year of English was called English one.--If it was called this, the word "one" should be capitalized. But I think it was probably called this: English 1

I clearly remember hating English from the bottom of my heart and could not even stand the class. ---Ha ha, another great sentence!!! I sort of wish this was the first sentence of the essay.

Nice job!!

I look forward to taking classes at COD and taking this English course to increase my knowledge in the world of writing. ---This is a great sentence...

I hope that I get very good grades and will try my hardest to achieve it. ---This sentence is unclear. Achieve what? Good grades? If you mean good grades, you should write:

... will try my hardest to achieve them.
I think that way would be okay.

:-)

Undergraduate / "passion for science and math" - Describe the world you come from [4]


Ooh, I like it. Get the domain name. ;-)

The reason behind get rid of the excess.
I would reference my dad's old biology books to make sure ...

While playing a pick-up game of basketball, I was knocked out of the air and flew into the pole supporting the basketball rim and backboard---Try to revise this sentence so that it still expresses the same idea but it also expresses something about the main idea of the essay which is introduced in the first paragraph.

I was always fascinated by the ways doctors could 'magically' make painful problems disappear. There was always an inclination towards medicine and helping people that I had because my father was a doctor, but I did not have a good explanation that could meaningfully present my reasons -- why that is until now.

Oh, very good stuff here. Very good writing. Make it better by doing some reading... read some recent journal articles by physicians. You can find them onnline! ind 2 that interest you, and you will have your perspective transformed. Every article you read... if you write a few sentences about it, a kind of alchemy happens in your own perspective. If you write a few sentences about one article, it transforms the way you understand everything, forever.

If it is a good article, that is.

Anyway, mention something recent you read in an article, and show that you are catching up with the stuff that people read who are already in med school.

Undergraduate / (Freshman year of high school) UF - help with conveying "my voice" effectively [4]


Hi Jenna, what makes persuasive prose effective? You can use logos, ethos, and pathos. (Google those). You can also use brevity, my favorite tool.

Freshman year of high school I wanted to fit in and be liked - to be considered smart and cool, especially by anyone who could help me move up in the social ranks. ---If you want to persuade someone, it is best not to start with a common situation. It makes them stop being interested! The situation where you want to fit in is common and uninteresting.

I think you should use brevity in that explanation that takes up the whole first paragraph. Explain it in one brief, mysterious sentence. :-)

Do not spoonfeed the reader all the details. Just give her the good stuff, the unique insights. The reader already has her own mental associations with the TYPE of situation you are describing, so.., just give her the good insights!

You write very well!

Writing Feedback / The importance of natural resources (forests, animals and clean water) [16]

You can separate that dependent clause with commas:
The issue of saving natural resources, like forests, animals and clean water, has ...

That might get you more points on a test, because it seems a little more sophisticated. Your way was not exactly wrong, though.


I don't like this as a thesis statement. I would rather see a sentence at the end of the first paragraph that captures -- in a single sentence-- the message of the essay. It is usually possible to express the main idea in a single sentence. If you are really good, you can express it in a single word. Think of concentric circles, like a dart board. The bull's eye is that magic word that represents the insight you are sharing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-Do university graduates deserve higher salary than those who have not? [2]

In detail,in the beginning of 1970's Mitchford city was producing around half a million of dollar worth wheat.during this period wheat was the main source of income in the Mitchford city.

Okay, I see that you used "In detail,..." but I don't think that is a good way to start a sentence. It might be better to say:

Specifically, in the beginning...

If you say Mitchford City, capitalize City. The word "City" is part of the name of the city.
This is correct capitalization:
Mitchford City is my favorite city. ----The second time I write "city" it is a common noun instead of a proper noun.

You can google this: When is city a proper noun?

:-)

Another important point: Capitalize the first word of every sentence. I saw one sentence that had a first word that was not capitalized.

Undergraduate / "Place in the Jewish American community" - U of M supplement essay [4]

I'd like to trim away "Growing up" and just start with "At my synagogue..."---Make it sleek, trim away extra words. It's all about the effect you want to have on the reader.

Oh, this is excellent... okay, I see the great part of the essay. I think the essay should start here:
Suddenly, I felt it: The feelings of the ...

Don't waste time with explanations. Good writers don't give explanations. :-)
Know what I mean? Tackle the reader right away with that excellent part, right at the start of the essay, and then you cen give the least amount of explanation possible. Reader's love to figure things out on their own.

:-) Great job!! Great insight here.

Writing Feedback / The possible effects of living long on an individual and on the whole society? [4]

I have some ideas for improving this. It is already very good, though!

There are some social, financial and personal effects to be considered at both the level of the individual and the level of society.

Put the sentences together here:
Positive effects of living long as an individual include getting a chance to see the family tree grow and being able to participate in family events like weddings of grandchildren, baby showers, etc.

The only disadvantage might be the financial burden on government and families.

On the other hand, a person living long may have to suffer from a disease which could...

:-)

Writing Feedback / "All group & organization should function as teams" - Essay Evaluation [3]

Team work is the ability to work towards common vision even if the vision gets blurry.----Great sentence!! By the way, you can writer teamwork as a single word with no space in between "team" and "work."

The word "team" refers to a grou p of people working together for the same goal.

I'll suggest the word "resembles" here. It means something "looks like" something else.
In a team it is important to have delegation of authority rather than one central authority that resembles a dictatorship type structure.

... to perform and result is growth of 30% yoy(??)

Thus teamwork with delegation of responsibility is the best way of achieving any common goal of an organization.

Do not capitalize all the words: Someone said, "Coming together is beginning, keeping together is progress, and working together is s uccess."
:-)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] government budget focus, young children or university? [5]

I'll offer a few suggestions here:

"Education is the investment in our future." As Senator Bernie Sanders once pointed out, education, which fosters a civilized society, plays a significant role in a country's long-lasting prosperity.

Concerning that Elementary education, like the base of a architecture structure, is the fundamental requirement for citizens in today's society, so government should guarantee that all people have equal and convenient access to it.

That's not enough, because higher education, which represent the cutting edge of a country's academic achievements, acts as the vanguard in economic and social advance.

Here I will remove a comma and add the word "because":
From reasons listed above, we can safely draw the conclusion that a government should spare effort on young children education as well as universities, because both are crucial on the way to a brighter future.

:-)

Undergraduate / Question about how Star Wars influences me Essay [5]

whether it was through movies, books, or other forms of entertainment. ----I don't know if this part is helpful. Do not include words and phrases that are not part of the purpose of the essay. They weigh it down.

Use italics for the title of books and filme:
... a Jedi from Star Wars, is the one that sticks out of the crowd as a literary figure that has influenced me the most.

Okay, but isn't your work as an orthopedic surgeon actually a means to an end? It is a particular path. Why did you choose this path?

...is a hero inside everyone. Whenever something daunting needs to be accomplished, I realized that I just needed to look deep within myself and (yeah, this is a weak ending)---I guess it is a little cheesy. It is better if you focus in a pragmatic way on the SPECIFIC goals you want to achieve in the next few years. Show how the WORK that you will do, EMPOWERED BY YOUR EDUCATION, will be an expression of that inner strength.

But stay focused on those goals. :-)

Undergraduate / "being a part of Event Horizon" - University of Florida [3]

My friend Alex Gammon and I were talking about music, and one day when he told me he played the guitar.

Back then I had just met future bandmates, Robby Sutton and Jeremy Probst who told me that they played instruments, (the guitar and the drums, respectively) , so I arranged that we all meet in my garage the next Friday and learn the song "Bring it on Home" by Led Zeppelin. ---Good choice!!

...the beginning of a beautiful relationship.---Yuck! This is a cliche.

One of the things lessons I learned from---Try not to use the word "things." Some words are just weak.

I took out the names, and I took out some other unnecessary details. The trick is to ask yourself what experience you want the reader to have while reading this essay. the names of the people are not usually important in a story like this... So, focus on what is most important. What is the most important insight?

:-)

Undergraduate / "Battle against Subversion" - Common App Essay [3]

Although originally intended as a good notion from my father, these were the words that allowed me to have a chance for introspection into life to realize that I had in fact been living a lie for the last fourteen years. ---This has potential to be intriguing, but I think you should omit as many words as possible. Simplify.

Although originally intended as a good notion from my father, these were the These words that allowed me to have inspired the introspection that enabled me to realize that I had in fact been living a lie for the last fourteen years.

Type television instead of TV.

Simplify:
...meditating upon on what I've accomplished, I know for a fact now that there isn't anything in the world that I cannot accomplish.----Simple writing is powerful. :-)

Undergraduate / "the best summer vacations" - UF experience in my life and how it will affect [3]

Whenever you write anything, leave out the unnecessary details:

Out of all of the members of the Class of 2012, in my high school, I can safely say that I have experienced the best summer vacations.---When you trim away the unnecessary, it's like a boxer improving her ratio of punches thrown to punches landed. It's like a comedian who does not take too long to get to the punchline of the joke. You streamline by saying the same stuff in fewer words. The trick is to let the reader figure out some of it on her own. Readers love to figure things out on their own.

I sure didn't, but during the past three summers, if you were a hospital patient at St. Petersburg General Hospital, I made it my mantra that you received all of these fine benefits! ---I like this part. Well said... very cool. However, mantra is some word or phrase that you repeat over and over, so I think maybe you should reword this sentence so that you are suing mantra correctly.

...experiencing full-body sweating and what felt like heart palpitations! ---again, less is more. Brevity is more important than clarity.

These menial tasks may seem small relative to the...

This is not the way to use "however"...
... size of a General Hospital, however but from my own experience as a young shoulder surgery patient I know firsthand that patients love being taken care of, no matter what their internal or external dilemmas may be, in a loved loving and timely fashion.

:-)

Undergraduate / "to change people for the better" - FSU App. Essay [5]

Planning for this college admissions essay was difficult and took a fair amount of time due to the fact that all four of those characteristics are admirable and essential in the forming of a well rounded individual. This sentence is nicely written, but i think it is not useful. It is not necessary or helpful.

You should have ONE main goal to achieve with this essay. What do you hope happens as the result of the reader reading this?

I think you want to inspire her with your vision of the future. so let's get to the important part:

Global awareness, leadership, and service are all vital for us to continue living in the world we live in today. obviously

It is my opinion, though, that w

here we are getting to something meaningful:
Without being a well learned person, the other three characteristics will not do a person much good.---This might be a good first sentence for the essay!

...why governments do what they do, and...

It is my belief that knowledge runs the world we live in, pushes it forward into new technological and human evolutions. no! This is not your belief; it is an obvious fact. So, I think you are missing your opportunity. You have an opportunity in this essay to show what is unique about your aspiration. Show the reader that you are a person with a plan.

Why do you have a plan? Because something is important to you.
Why is something important to you? I don't know, but if you can express it you will be truly enriching the life of the reader.

... because I have a drive to learn, to help my world become a better place. People only say such general things when they do not really have a plan. Work on your plan!! :-) make a plan, and take the first step.

Undergraduate / "How to be a successful XXX" - my undergrad Personal statement [3]

To call me a boy with thousands of questions is quite appropriate for anyone who knew me during my childhood.-----I added a few words, because "calling you something" is not the same as "describing your childhood."

If I had any questions with anything around my world, I would stick to my parents and bothering them for an answer. I think this sentence is not helpful. Less is more.

However, my questions became fewer and fewer when I started school.

Capitalization:
... such as, "Look ...

...to me and said, "Well done, I think you have already got the essence of your lab experience." Although I...

What we should focus on is to act acting in a way which harmonizes with our deepest instincts. ----Brilliant! Great sentence.

:-)

Essays / Masters in Public health (epidemiology) - Writing SOP [2]

Hi Suddy,

You can look at a lot of SOP's here, but you can't have someone else write one for you.

the thing is, you have to be able to EXPRESS your plan, your purpose. it's OKAY if you write about your vision in a way that expresses your own unnique idea... and if there are errors, we will find them for you!

Make a clear plan with many short term goals. Show that you are on a mission. I can't wait to see what you write!

If you want, search EssayForum for "SOP" and "pharmacy" to get some ideas.

Writing Feedback / Should the youngsters have part-time jobs? [3]

This is a long-lasting debate that if a kid should have a part-time job or not. I have to reword this for you. Practice using this sentence structure I will show you here:

A long-lasting debate focused on the question of whether a kid should have a part-time job. From my own experience, I would say the benefits for the young generation to start a paid job overweigh outweigh the drawbacks. for them.

Taking a general typical kid as an example, one of his biggest dreams might be to grow up and achieve autonomy that makes it impossible for anyone to stop him from doing whatever he likes to do.

But the question is that about how people can be...

Secondly, without exerting effort, people tend to disregard what they have.---Good point!!

Thirdly, by virtue of the fact that experience is the best teacher, learning from working might be the best vehicle for young people to obtain practical knowledge.----This is a VERY well-written sentence.

Faq, Help / Why is my topic / thread deleted? [78]

If you post an essay, maybe I will paste it into an online application and claim that I wrote it. However, if that happens and causes you a problem, you can refer people to the EssayForum post where you originally published it, and it will have your name and the date it was posted. So... EssayForum can protect you that way.

However, you do have to be aware that if you publish material to the Internet people can indeed misuse it.

Grammar, Usage / Playtime, mom, lions, etc - correct my grammar [5]

The grammar is good in this last sentence... but "school bus" is 2 words, not one word.

:-)

Undergraduate / "fascinated with photography and painting" - Experiences that helped you define. [3]

The writing is great here, and we are lucky to have you at Essayforum.

I think that second paragraph could be distilled down to 1 or 2 good sentences... less it more.

Like what I said on my childhood days, were just like others, I played computer games such as DoTa or NBA Live like what the other kids my age were doing, but I do not forget to open MS Paint too. Way too wordy here.

They always persuaded me to be an artist when I grow up. You have a brilliant writing style, but this part and a few other parts are unnecessary details. The approaches like, "I have always been..." and "I have been interested in X since I was Y years old..." -- these are overused in this kind of essay.

Keep verb tense consistent, and watch out for singular and plural. For example:
That was when I realized that I have had an interest for the environment.---As a matter of style, keep it in the past tense even though you still have the interest.

I need to give my best in every endeavor no matter how small they are it is.----every endeavor is singular.

:-)

Graduate / Ohio State University-"Chemistry can be a solution to many global problems" [6]

Whenever you take away a sentence that does not help achieve your purpose, you strengthen all the sentences that do help to achieve your purpose. When you need to cut content, go back to think about the purpose you are trying to achieve.

I this essay, you have ALL strong content, and I don't want to cut any of it! However, you can take the important ideas from that big last paragraph and mention them in the preceding paragraphs. I think that big last para has got to be omitted... and the essay will be stronger. If there is anything in that big paragraph you really want to include, mention it in the other paragraphs.

:-)

Essays / Question about headers in MLA format college essay? [8]

The teacher is not a robot. S/he should be fine with 900 words, because 1 page = 300 words.

:-)

Essays / Writing an introduction paragraph through cause and effect [3]

I think this is pretty good. Be careful to avoid letting the complexity of your thinking get the best of you. You wrote this very well.

You took a big step, because the recession may cause businesses to have to downsize, but you arbitrarily leap to the issue of seniority and preference.... the real issue, the real effect, is the situation that necessitates downsizing. If you start talking about the particulars, like who gets laid off based on seniority, etc., then you are talking about something different.

:-)

Undergraduate / can anyone refer me some examples of good essays on UC application? [3]

Hi Timothy, we are not worried about plagiarism. Actually, the PURPOSE of EssayForum is to let people look at essays and the advice people gave. In almost every thread, you can learn something.

There is nothing wrong with looking at essays other people posted online, and I think you have a good idea. It helps to read a lot so that you can understand the reader's experience and write a great essay.

Try searching EF for UC. But really, that is not the way to do it. You should read ALL kinds of essays, and when you see a really excellent one ask yourself what makes it excellent.

Most important: Show the reader that you have a real plan with real short-term goals.

Writing Feedback / [Toefl] best methods to get teenagers accustomed to adult life is part-time job [3]

An internship can be a part time job, but sometimes an internship is something you do not get paid for.
An internship is supposed to be a learning experience for people entering a professional field.

Thanks, Dumi, for the great edit!

Zhou, please type the sentences that we correct for you in this forum. For example, type this sentence to practice:

Some argue that taking part-time jobs would bring the young generation a comprehensive understanding of adult life, letting them adjust to this kind of life more easily.---I only made a small change here. Your sentence was good already.

and this:

Therefore, I believe part-time jobs might not always have the alleged merits, and one could take some alternative options into consideration when trying to experience the adult life.

Great English!

Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement: the Brew Bar [2]

Intellectual vitality.

This is not really about things that are IMPORTANT to you. Business is a means to an end. :-)
It will be great if you can, in your discussion of this exploit, mention some comparable endeavor that is going on at Stanford... something that you can connect it to. What can you do to make a connection with Stanford and then also with your career aspiration? The applicant with the detailed vision of the future is the most impressive. How can you make this essay reflect your seriousness about a plan you are carrying out?

Graduate / "Practicing medicine is a special privilege" - Medical Personal statement [7]

I don't think smooth is the right word for that first sentence. I can breeze through smoothly without needing to fly... I just sort of float. :-) But seriously, I think the coolness of that first sentence is diminished by the word smooth.


I think most people do. I think the essay is off to a slow start.

Like traveling, everyday challenges in my professional life, fuel my passion to grow and give me new directions. ---The second comma is unnecessary in this sentence.

"There is no cure for death" - I was ----Now this is a better first paragraph for an essay. Scrap that boring para that precedes this! :-)

The rest of this essay is excellent! I just hate that first paragraph. :-) I think you can also spend a bit more time sharing your specific aspirations, the specific contributions you want to make... get very specific about the plan.

Writing Feedback / Should the dealth penalty be abolished in current society? [4]

To execute or not to execute, to me, is like to be or not to be.----Wow, very interesting!

This is question . Both are meaningful questions, because ... (give a reason for comparing these two questions. What do they have in common?) However, I, as a human being, believe capital punishment should be banned for three reasons below. (Insert a thesis statement that sums up the main idea of the whole essay.)

Firstly, from a perspective...

You did a great job. Here is my tip for you: To write a very strong essay, try to write a sentence that expresses the MAIN MESSAGE you want the reader to remember. Put that MOST IMPORTANT SENTENCE OF THE ESSAY at the end of the first paragraph.

:-)

Graduate / "Mercy Flight ten minutes out!" - CASPA PA Admissions Letter [7]

My beepers start alarming, and my heart starts racing.----I added a comma, but I also thing alarming is not the best word for this spot... can you think of a different word to use?

The verb tense is complex here... I'll fix it:
Having been a Respiratory Therapist for two years at Upstate Medical Hospital in Syracuse, NY, I encounter...
And you should write two instead of 2. Numerals are ugly ducklings.

Very solid essay here!! I think this is as good as they get. It can be even stronger if you mention more about your specific ambitions, the areas of interest you are tackling and what you hope to accomplish... right now it is very general, general but good.

Undergraduate / uchicago "Between living and dreaming there is a third thing. Guess it." [5]


Great sentence! It has a comfortable feeling, and it is great for setting up the feeling that you are talking about...

Oh, a meditation practitioner...


At the end of the first paragraph I would like to see something more poignant, more specific and indicative of the theme of the essay. Right now all it is is some good writing about an experience... very good writing, but get to the point a little at the end of that paragraph.


Well, on second thought, I take that back, because you just got very specific here...

It will be great if you can connect this to your chosen field of study... psychology? That would be cool... neuroscience? Connect this to the mission you are on...

:-)

Writing Feedback / GRE Issue - the word thinking is tightly coupled with the word originality, which cannot be detached [8]

I like to use " " marks in this case:
The dictionary meaning of the word "originality" explains it as, "the quality or state of being original, freshness of new ideas, style or design, and the power of independent thinking or constructive imagination. An invention or style which is completely new and startled many people" (NAME OF DICTIONARY). So the word "thinking" is tightly coupled with the word "originality," and they cannot be detached. Let us take a look on few examples ..

Similarly it was James Watson's extraordinary thinking ability had harnessed the power of steam and discovery of steam power engine taken place or discovery of Electric bulb by Thomas Alva Edison--Was his middle name really Alva? I didn't know that. Anyway, you have strong examples... :-)

At the end I would like to say that originality not just mean putting old ideas in new ways. It certainly also requires thinking...---Practie this sentence. Type it many times to learn the correct grammar. Great job here, almost perfect!

Writing Feedback / Firm discipline is a necessary part of teaching children. [4]

... that this methodology method can have disastrous effects on children's growth. I totally agree with the former idea.
* The adjective form of disaster is disastrous.
*Methodology = the study of methods. In the above sentence, just use "method."

First, it is believed that the existence the use of firm discipline can have negative...

Moreover, there goes a saying, "Rules are learned to be broken," which means that...---- :-)

... understands and sympathizes with them in their s ensitive period of time, which worsens the relationship between parents and children, widens the generation gap, and makes them be vulnerable to evils.----Very good sentence.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with the implementation of firm discipline in teaching kids. By virtue of their significant benefits, children's good behaviors are cultivated, and happy families are preserved in a wealthy society. founded .

Writing Feedback / Millions of people every year move to English-speaking countries such as Australia [3]

... to the rise of the US as a superpower.

This is the reason nowadays language has become a major factor that affects personal success.----Type this sentence 50 times to learn the correct grammar!! 50 times!! and then you will get it. :o)

Ideas about learning vary among people. Some people think language skills can be improve by regular learning, and other people say the skills can be improve by regular use.

For example Google is a big company that has branches in 27 different countries, but all of their employees are able to communicate with each other because of English. ---Good example!!

...do not have to learn a thousand languages. Just learning English will work.

Graduate / Ohio State University-"Chemistry can be a solution to many global problems" [6]


It has to be one of those excellent sentences that makes you feel a certain energy when you write it...
Some sentences are just great... you can feel the intrigue they create...

I'll look at this new version.


You could be more specific and say, "A scientist named..."


I like this, and at the beginning of the next paragraph it would be perfect to get very specific. This concept is general and dramatic. The next concept should be a specific statement about your specific interests and intentions.


Actually, this works. Very good.

Try to find space in the essay to be very specific about the books and articles you have been reading. I hope you will mention at least one book or article published in the past 4 years.

This is very good!