Undergraduate / UCF admissions essay (family history, culture, or enviornment influence) [4]

My dad and brothers taught me how to be tough, my mom taught me how to love, and care and talk about my feelings, and my sister is still teaching me how to mature, accept, and learn from her mistakes. --- very cool sentence. This is a nice tribute to them.

My parents raised us not in a religious home, but a home where we were aware that we are Jews, and that that is something to be proud of. ----- this seems strange, because pride in the religion would compel people to practice it in the home.

...can make in their selves once you she or he starts making smarter decisions. I also have a newfound appreciation ...

Hey,your ending is excellent! Okay, so this is a great exposition of your family background, but can you include some mention of how it influences your intentions for your career, field of study, etc?

:-)

Scholarship / About "Parents" - Biographical Scholarship Essay (life challenges) [9]

Your personal statement should focus on your intention. Do not treat your own person as one whose purpose is any less important than a politician, inspired spiritual leader, or anyone else... when you think of your personal statement, think of a formal expression of your purpose and vision. That means it must not focus on all kinds of other things... for a pers. statement, I think you deserve to have a different kind of essay. :-)

Undergraduate / ADDITIONAL DETAIL ABOUT YOU FOR ADMISSION COMMITTEE to write my recommendation) [3]

Hello Donrocks,

I'm sorry I didn't get to see this until now. We have hundreds of essays lately. I do notice how much you help other writer, and I think you deserve to have us help you a lot for that reason. I'm glad Mark was here to give you this last round of feedback, and I hope it is a success!

This is very cool: I discussed this essay with my younger brother about my exceptional qualities that would rock the admission office; apart from him falling off the chair laughing... the comments were discouraging.

No need for a comma in this kind of situation:
My faith, Jainism is

need one mor f:
fulfil fulfill

Undergraduate / The Language of Life and Education - USC Essay [3]

For me, Preschool to 5th grade has have been the most difficult school years for me. that I have ever endured in my entire life. Why? Reading and writing is are considered to be the most esoteric subjects to certain children; however I was not part of this statistic. Immigrating to the United States ...

I did know for sure that I struggled during these years.----- well your English is excellent now!
Switch this sentence to the past verb tense:
At each grade level, we learn something new and depend our past teachings to help us achieve a good grade. But my mind was stuck...

Children tend to get yelled and scolded at numerous times throughout their childhood, because parents believe that yelling is an effective tool for children to learn from their mistakes. In this case, this principle was the turning point of my life. After minutes of fighting of why I am ...--- the part I crossed out was too obvious and used too many words. Just start the paragraph with a sentence that tells what you mean: they criticized you for your grades. Then continue and explain: After minutes of ...

:-) Nice job! I feel proud of you for overcoming this challenge, even though I don't know you! I think the AO reader will feel inspired, because adults in education often contemplate the language barriers faced by students whose parents do not speak English... this is so good!

Undergraduate / "Youth's Lack of Interest" -issue of importance, how it's signifcant to my generation [4]

This is obviously something to be very concerned about since these votes are the ones that decide the future of our country.

Who can blame them? They have school, family, friends, sports, and their own personal issues to worry about, which keep them from engaging with outside problems. This sentence is the distraction. It is better without it.

:-)

I do think you should extend it. What is the most important reason we need to encourage young people to vote?

Undergraduate / "Kevin's selfless act" - A person who has had a significant influence on me [6]

This is great writing. Take notice, and hone your skill!
I'll try to find little ways to improve it...

Might be better with this semi-colon:
But people are animals, selfish by nature; what was I to do?

Helping ease others ' pain, we grow as a person and find empathy we never thought we had.

It's my intention to go to Sudan after I graduate from high school. in order to help these people . If I showed these people who have absolutely nothing, these people who think that waking up every day is a miracle that I care, that not everybody is greedy or selfish, and that they have a future, I would make a positive difference in not only my life, but others' as well.

I added an apostrophe.. but actually, I think this last part will be better without that:

It's my intention to go to Sudan after I graduate. I can show these people who have absolutely nothing, these people who think that waking up every day is a miracle that I care, that not everybody is greedy or selfish, and that they have a future.

Undergraduate / my volunteering at AISforEGYPT, response, an extracurricular activity/work experience [4]

hyphen
12 year-old

One day is all it takes to change someone's life and be enlightened by those you meet. ---- great sentence!!

I am more thankful now about my life and until this day I am inspired everyday by the life of many children like Hossam. not a good sentence. I think it is better to let it end with that great sentence that precedes this one!

:-)

Writing Feedback / The question is "How have you changed in the last five years?" [6]


I've never seen the word hihi typed before! ... or, actually I thought it was spelled hee-hee with a hyphen.

:-)

Undergraduate / "My goal is to simply be successful" - Flagler Essay [5]


Well... failure is always near.

It would be good to write an essay about what it means for you to be successful, but the way you use the term it is without meaning. If you had plenty of money but no work in theater, would that be successful?

I have to say, I think it is better to omit all the stuff about wanting to be successful and take an approach that uses language to masterfully convey your profound insights, your realizations about what it means to be successful (i.e. instead of depending on the word "successful" to convey your meaning)

Undergraduate / UF Admission essay "Behind the Camera" [4]

No need for the commas of for "of high school"
During my junior year I was selected from a pool of digital media students to be the videographer of our basketball team. --- Now it is concise and powerful.

I have to admit that I had not attended any of my high school's basketball games, or any school sporting events for that matter, but I knew I would enjoy working with the video equipment. ---- awesome, this is an interesting story.

...and I found it easier to become involved in other school activities. ---- because you were confident! Great insight here, especially when raising kids, it is good to provide them with experience doing what they are good at.

Nice job with this; it has authenticity, because you happen to have this experience that really affected you in a profound way.

Writing Feedback / We face lot of global problems. Good relations b/w nations is important. Agree or not [2]

Today,we face problems like global warming and terrorism which are having a deterring effect on our society progress.--- you can deter progress, but not society.

Capitalize the names of the countries! :-)

Try to use a few sentences in each paragraph:
Having said that,it must be acknowledged that pride and integrity of the country is of utmost importance and it can't be compromised with,just for the sake of having good ties with other countries.--- this is just one sentence, but you made it the whole paragraph. After giving the 1st sentence of a paragraph, give an example to show what you mean. Then, give a sentence to show how the example shows what you mean. Then add one more sentence, and it is a whole paragraph!

Writing Feedback / Task 1: (Australian and British cinema Markets and cinema admissions) [2]

Overall, the U.S. films were the most popular shown by both Australian and British people, and it is clear that British people had more interest in cinema than Australian over the period.

Firstly in 2001, the U.S. films had most popularity among both British and Australian audiences, at about 78% and 68% respectively, while the figure for British films was more popular for British than Australian audiences, at 20% and 6% respectively.

However, Australian films had shown by Australian only, at 10%.--- this sentence does not make sense and I don't know how to fix it.

Then, it climbed up to 158 million in 2000.

:-)

Undergraduate / Living With MCS: Personal Essay (issue of importance) at UT Austin [9]

This is a solid essay, very well written. You balance description with information and action in a way that makes this a great, focused essay.

Here is one little thing I can help with:

The interaction with Medical Doctors has ranged from sympathetic to downright perverse.
The interaction was not sympathetic...
The interaction with Medical Doctors has ranged from meaningful to downright perverse.
but do not capitalize medical doctors. You can just write physicians if you want to.

Graduate / Your studies and your future: Online Educator's essay [4]

When I was in high school, me learning English was what my parents expected, because it would open doors of opportunity for my future in higher education.

This can make my parents proud of me.

I am a student from the countryside without electricity, clean roads and I spend six months of the year doing farm work.

Above, I made corrections, but I don't know for sure what you mean. Practice the sentences as I wrote them. Practice each of them several times. Type each sentence several times. It is the only way to improve. I hope you practice every day to improve your English.

At that time I thought that only take higher education can change my point of view in my mind with the walls of farm around me.--- this sentence is pretty good.

As you know with four hours on the only four hours each day to learn in class, I could not learn enough to open the university's gate.

I had to help my parents working on the farm or cutting grass, and I could not rely on others to earn the money while I study in a chair at school.

Finally, I hope the UAOP will give me a key to unlock my eyes that used to learn in poor conditions during bad crises.

The education program here will be an opportunity for me to gain knowledge to share with younger people about the modern science and high technology from Eastern countries and especially the United States.

Type each of these 10 times to practice! :-)

Writing Feedback / Compare and Contrast essay of my parents [3]


Ha ha, this sentence is very cool. It sounds sarcastic, like you are making a joke. Obviously it is not that he thinks people should not enjoy life... not exactly!

My father is a dull man.--- oh! Another funny sentence. Again, it sounds sarcastic, and that can be very good, very funny. Be careful, though, because dull can mean boring but it can also mean unintelligent. Do this:

My father is a boring man.--- that is still very funny and cool.

Now look at the corrections by name-here and practice each of them several times in order to improve your skill:
Apart from that, mother always relies on God.
My friends always rely...
We always rely...
They always rely...
You always rely...
She always relies...
He always relies...
It always relies...

The correct way is strange and random, because English is a weird language. So, you have to practice many times to memorize it.

Essays / My worst birthday party (descriptive words / topics essay ideas) [6]

Let's not use wonderful. It is a silly word.
Let's be more specific:

It seemed that everyone was in a different world.---- good writing!!

Undergraduate / "My ba ngoai" - Common app essay: Personal essay [11]


Hey, this is where I started to get really impressed. You should keep developing your skill, and really pursue writing seriously.

Wow, is this all one long paragraph? What is up with that? It makes it hard to follow and appreciate. Do a paragraph break every time you want the reader to pause and reflect for a moment.

In Vietnam are a unity of purpose and a tolerance of one another. -- I think is sentence is not a mistake, but it seems like a mistake. Know what I mean?

Great job! Use paragraphs, though!

Essays / Spanish conquistadors vs native Americans [7]

Hello,
I had to remove the whole essay because I found a sentence that you copied directly from another website.

I think I see that you tried hard to write most sentences in your own way, but if you copy even one sentence you'll fail and get in trouble for plagiarism! It is hard, but you have to re-word every sentence and say it in your own way.

Writing Feedback / NARRATIVE ESSAY ON :LEAVING HOME [2]

We always want them in our every moment of our life, whether a t our dejection or exhilaration, but reality is not the same as we desire.

I was a stranger over here as I knew nothing what next I was going to face in my future life.--- wow that is amazing!! What a crazy adventure that must have been...

This is a great story... I really enjoyed hearing about your process.

Until then, I had been getting used to the people around me and knew a lot about how this struggling life would end up.
Commas:
I was not the same anymore, as the time had brought changes in me, but I'm still waiting to get back and get the warm loving hug from my family.

As I know now that living my life on my own, as a stranger out in the unknown world, can never be the same as it was where I grew up.

You have a great, great way of writing. It must be great because it reflects deep thinking that you learned when you gained this crazy new perspective.

Essays / Exemplification Essay (Intro Paragraph) - Qualities that Make an Athlete Great [3]


Well, this might not fit because not all sports are team sports.


Yeah, but not if you write something that is extremely cool... something that helps people think of it in a new way. What is your most important insight about "great athlete?" I guess if I think about it, my own insight would be something like... the greatest athletes are the ones with the clearest minds.

Your essay should be several paragraphs, right? Are you going to write about a person that exemplifies your ideal of a great athlete?

All you need to do is write 3 sentences about the exemplary athlete, and extend each sentence into a paragraph by adding examples and quotes. Then go back and write the intro after you have written a few body paragraphs.

It's easy! :-)

Undergraduate / Describe yourself working in your favorite class admission essay. [3]

Yep, start with a sentence. That is all it takes. You feel overwhelmed because it requires a whole essay, but actually each paragraph is only a topic sentence that is explained and supported with examples, imagery, quotes, or whatever.

So think of it that way.

Start with a sentence about you working in your favorite class and what makes it enjoyable.

Add anything you want to make it into a paragraph -- examples, elaboration, quotes, evidence, imagery words. This technique will help you in all kinds of essay writing.

For this essay, focus on description (imagery words) and thoughtful contemplation. Get inspired by thinking of one grand idea that is behind all of it.

Undergraduate / "The Bay Area" - influence of diversity in my community [2]

It is better to add a verb and give these fragments the power of complete sentences:
Young metropolitan men ride their bikes alongside the traffic. A homeless man is pushing...

is the true definition of diversity--- no, not definition... it's the epitome of diversity, maybe. A definition, though, is a definition, which is different.

I have no doubt that I can do anything I strive for in life if i work hard enough. --- it would be good to rewrite this sentence so that instead of referring to "anything I strive for" it refers to some specific goal associated with the field you might enter. Even if you are not sure what you want to do for a career, say something specific here.

:-)

Writing Feedback / What's in it for the World - Persuasive Essay [2]


Hey Scott, I'm sorry I did not get to help sooner!


I guess I agree. Also, some people find it to be... what is the word... preachy or presumptuous or something.

Also, it creates a problem here:
Did you catch that key phrase "you move on."-- need a question mark, but it will be awkward.

"our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."--- oh, good one! That reminds me of the Japanese expression: (I don't know the correct way to write the words) Na na korobi yaoki jinsei wa korei kara da.

You did a good job writing about the quote, but I think you need more specific examples.
I hope you got a good grade! :-)

Undergraduate / "Rhetorical Analysis of YouTube Comments"-CommonApp Essay [8]


Nice! We need more people like you Maggie.

Shaun, excellent use of badassery here... that word is not used often enough... hahah

Don't capitalize money at the end there...

He fears that his insignificance is unsurpassable and is aware that if he were to leaves "no one will ...

I'm still not sure but I learn more about what makes me happy every day, and I'll continue to explore the concept for as long as I live.---maybe you should transform this into a sentence about a particular field of interest and how it has potential to bring you happiness. As you write the intro, use a phrase that appears in the conclusion.

Make sure the intro enables the reader to understand all this!!

I really like shit-tastic, but I hope the ao reader does, too. They might think you are disrespectful. I guess it depends on whether the reader is able to appreciate good writing.

Undergraduate / "Art provides self-impression" - Common app short answer [8]

...fingers tinged by blue paint and my eyes coffee-stained red.

I am not a runner, a singer, or a musician. Instead, I haphazardly throw acrylics across a canvas in just the right spot, twirling my paintbrush around my chalky thumb. ---hahahh nice!! Well, you can be a runner, too, if you get up early tomorrow. :-)

Art is not just an elective; it is a vehicle for emotion.

Good stuff here... above, my ideas are not so important... just ideas I'd like to contribute to your process.

Scholarship / "concept that intellectually excites you" essay; "I have a question" [5]


not defined as.. captured in.
Wonder: a feeling easily captured in a word everyone can understand, but what is it really - a chemical reaction, an electrical signal, perhaps something more?

Good question.
I think it's an experience you are having as what Chopra calls a "nonlocal being" and that the chemical activity is not the cause of it but rather something that reflects it. The words, actions, and chemical reactions of the body express and reflect the experience of the nonlocal being.

*This is from a tv show. Do I need to cite that or should I just take it out?---- cite the show in parentheses. Great idea.

This whole thing is awesome, and you are awesome. I like the use of the present verb tense and the way you wrote from your mother's perspective at the start. Did you ever notice the way an atom resembles a solar system? Seems obvious to me that this is all a dream...

Undergraduate / Alternative Learning Experiences- Massage School & Traveling Abroad [6]


This essay is impressive, but you can still make it much better by adding some more meaning to this thesis statement. Instead of saying it was transformed, say how it was transformed. With just an added phrase, this sentence can give the whole essay enhanced meaning.

:-)

Undergraduate / How to transition (to become a nurse) - UT Transfer Essay Statement of Purpose [6]

First sentence has too much info for my mind to easily process:
I twisted uncomfortably in my chair as the sound vomiting subsided. I had brought my friend a candy bar, which he ate, began to digest, and promptly returned to me.

Oh, alright, nevermind that suggestion I just made... I started to try to make it funny, but now I see that this is not a funny topic..

I twisted uncomfortably in my chair as the sound vomiting subsided. I had brought my friend a candy bar, but he could not keep it down. Although...

This is excellent. You can harness the wisdom demonstrated by that nurse even if you become something other than a nurse. It is great insight... share your positive energy if you can maintain it!

So is there a word limit? If you have plenty of room, keep this sentence, but if you have a limited amount of space this is unnecessary description: "We both jumped to hear the familiar knock on the door, and awaited the entrance of Zach's nurse, a woman in her late twenties with black-rimmed glasses and her hair gathered into a loose bun."

Anyway, you can simply begin a para that tells about the steps you took, the articles you read, the nursing professionals you spoke with, and so forth.

Tell a specific philosophy of nursing, perhaps including the terms autonomy, cultural sensitivity, nonjudgmental, continuous study, research based practice, and so on. Read some articles for inspiration!

:-)

Undergraduate / Stanford Intellectually Engaged Essay- "Delving into Dali and Disney" [6]

Hi Maggie, you always give great feedback to others; I want to mention that it is okay to give someone feedback and then link them to your essay and ask them to return the favor.

Great first sentence here!

The classic flow of aesthetic imagery in Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty was a central part of my childhood imagination and kept me satisfied in a comfortable world of predictable outcomes.

Okay, you have a great discussion here...

I couldn't stop watching.

As Disney and Dali were combining their unique talents, I was combining the child and young adult within in me for a complete sensual and intellectual experience. At first I desired a happy ending for the two, but I was soon captivated by the idea of an impossible love, forever suspended in time. ---maybe just let it end here. This would be a good ending.Without this film, I never would have believed in a collaboration of the two artists without each sticking out like a sore thumb.

I tried to reduce the character count. If there is room, keep this great sentence! ---> "Destino" harmoniously fused the visual powerhouses in a way that enabled me to re-experience a childhood hero while appealing to my love as a celebration of artistic boundary-breaking.

Cool, Maggie...

Writing Feedback / trying new things or doing the same? [5]

Trying new things is no doubt would involves high risk.

Despite this fact, however, I prefer to face new challenges rather than following a routine.--- good sentence!

... struggled hard to stop me from climbing trees when I was small.

In our culture, the girls do not engage in such boisterous activities. ---- I hate it when adults perpetuate gender inequality by raising boys and girls with different standards!

I left the bank and started my own business.----- Is that true? Congratulations! I like your way of thinking...

Here is a good way to use "building"
When I am doing building my own business, I have hardly any time to relax.

...tasks although they impose very few risks on you. I would always look forward to facing new challenges no matter how hard they are.

Undergraduate / "Why I smile"- common app essay [4]

It usually puts me on a spot and I usually answer them by saying, with a smile, that I don't know.

Or I just tell them that it's something I do, and smiling is just my first reaction to everything because I don't know what to say. ----- Ha ha, you have a very unique writing style, very natural.

Some people make a practice of smiling because it has health benefits and makes others feel better, too.

...when I drive on the highway, all I can see is the sky. ---- be sure to look at the road sometimes, too! :-)

Nature is beautiful. And words are especially beautiful. I love the word vivacious. ---- hey, now, this is getting kind of random. Where is this going? It is a great essay in the sense that it meanders as classical essays always do... but for a commonap essay I am afraid you need to be more focused. Use the "why I smile" concept as a vehicle for exploring concepts in your chosen field, in your envisioned professional future, and so on.

Know what I mean?

It's so juicy. It reminds me of bright tangy salad dressing, of my little grandmother's large voice, and of the women in Fernando Botero's paintings. All this is great writing, but I think it's necessary to tighten this essay up and get focused on a few key concepts that show your seriousness about academics and about your career that awaits you.

Essays / Critical Analysis of a TV show on Social Norms! [2]


Well, wait a minute now, the point is to choose a show based on what he said... so what did he mean by "everything bad is good for you?" Can you explain to me what he meant?

Can you perhaps help me to understand what he meant by using a tv show as an example?

That is how you have to think about this assignment.

Hey, CSI seems like a good idea. The most important thing, though, is to deeply understand what Johnson's insights were. Your job here is all about explaining his ideas. You only ?USE CSI as a tool to help you explain Johnson's ideas.

:-)

Dissertations / Quantity Surveying - dissertation topic idea? [2]

Here is a topic I don't often hear about... It's a very interesting path that you are taking! Wind farms represent an important contemporary topic; has anyone else written about QS for wind farms?

The thing to do is approach this in a way that is aligned with your vision for the future... so that it applies directly to the kind of work you want to do. If you want to write about wind farms, the first thing to do is look for what else has been written about them, especially if anyone has written about QS in relation to them.

What are some typical research topics in QS? Maybe the discourse involves a lot of observation of trends. The important thing to do right now is collect 5 or 10 articles related to your topic.

As you read, think about a PROBLEM you can solve by doing your research.

Undergraduate / How will your Presence Enrich our Community? -U of W Essay Prompt [3]

Hello, I'm sorry so many days passed before your essay got a response.
I think I know why: no one knows how to give advice about such a great essay! I don't know how to improve this...

You gracefully introduced this with an anecdote and in paragraph 2 you got right to the heart of the matter. I would not want to suggest any significant changes... the only help I have to offer is for this sentence:

To the Muslim Jewish Volunteer Initiative offered at Madison I could contribute both my compassion and knowledge.

The content of the essay should not be changed, though. It answers the prompt perfectly. Maybe you could "sharpen" the concept of yourself as a science student by mentioning details that connect science to the theme of the essay or that connect your intentions for the future to the theme of the essay.

Make it as though you are so focused on your intentions about science that you mention it during any discussion.

Writing Feedback / Spending money on people's basic requirements or travelling to space [3]

Keep it consistent like this:
I support the idea of investing money on uplifting the living standards rather than
squandering it on..
investing ----> squandering

Furthermore, dreaming up ways to discover new experiences of other planets via travelling
to space and spending much money on this could be acceptable if we had overcome most of our difficulties in our maternal region.

Remarkably, we have explored space instead of developing suitable education and health care infrastructure.

Many children are deprived of standard education.

Great job!! Practice the corrections to reprogram your brain! :-)

Writing Feedback / Younger school children should be required to study art and music in addition to math [4]

I think you should check to make sure the quote at the beginning is accurate. I think it seems to be worded strangely.

Initially, courses about art and music can brighten children's lives.

... while a grown-up scrawls about science on a blackboard and delivers monotonous math formula. ---ha ha, you write very well...

To 'relax' already implies "the self" so you do not need to include "themselves"
However, they can definitely relax themselves when they listen to a piece of ...

...will expand children's horizons.

I really agree with you. Yesterday I was thinking about some people who care about many things and some people who do not care about much. Those who have something to care about are healthier, and usually what they care about is their art!

:-)

Undergraduate / My UC application essay about growing up in an international environment [4]

You have a sentence fragment near the start, there...
A city that wasn't bustling in the traditional sense, but rather a city which was culturally bustling.---- you got no predicate, mang!
It would have to be like this:
I grew up in a bustling city -- a city that wasn't bustling in the traditional sense, but rather a city which was culturally bustling.

But I would simplify:
I grew up in a bustling city. It wasn't bustling with crowds of people, but instead with a multiplicity of cultures. It was culturally bustling.

I like your theme for that first one!

Simplify here:
that things are never entirely as they seem and neither are people.
...that things and people are never entirely as they seem.


Well, I think you made it clear that you did not mean bustling with population... but instead culture.

Good job with these! As you revise and add those 35 words, keep in mind your purpose, which is to demonstrate how purposefully and methodically you are thinking about your career and how you are determined to accomplish your specific goals.

Undergraduate / Tutoring + "Mother Nature", extracurricular activities and importance of an issue [10]


This sentence has a messed up structure... the end is not compatible with the beginning... I'll try to fix it:
One of my favorite activities is tutoring, and although it is not always easy or comfortable I enjoy the challenge and the opportunity to do something meaningful.

even life guidance I would scratch this out because it can't be included without reflecting negatively on you... even though you probably make a great impact on people, this part should not be mentioned in the essay.

Getting rid of obesity was important because it had held me back for years, imprisoning me in my own self cell of nervousness, and in order to live joyfully in this world, I had to break the chains and be free from it for once.

You have a great way of writing!! I like the way you used soccer to introduce the 2nd essay's theme. I think you should revise the ending so that you conclude the essay with discussion of the ISSUE (i.e. on the level of society) and what can be done to mitigate it.

Here is an article you might enjoy:
Sugarmann, S. D., & Sandman, N. (2007). Fighting Childhood Obesity through Performance-Based Regulation of the Food Industry. Duke Law Journal, 56(6), 1403-90.

Writing Feedback / Having two children VS. Having More than two children in every family [6]

The first sentence is missing some words:
I subscribe to this view that people should avoid having more than two children, since we have insufficient natural resources, limited facilities and inadequate parents' time and energy to allocate each kid.

From one side, giving birth to more than two children in every family undoubtedly leads
to deficiency in many natural resources.

The world's...

Some examples include lack of education facilities, health services and housing problems.
OR
You can use "such as" when it is part of a longer sentence, like this:
If the infrastructure of cities does not grow at the same rate of rising population, the result will impose some strains on this innocent generation, such as lack of education facilities, health services and housing problems.