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Posts by karissa_a16
Joined: Dec 26, 2011
Last Post: Dec 31, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 94  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 98 / page 2 of 3
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karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / WHY NYU?? [5]

There's definitely some grammatical issues there, and they make it hard to understand :/ sorry. Please check out my NYU one if you can! thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Bard Essay "Civilization Ends" [3]

I really like your perspective! There's minor issues with grammar and spelling that you should easily catch. Please read my NYU one! Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Celebrate My Nerdy Side! A sneaky prompt from Tufts. [8]

I thought this was really funny and clever. I agree about the antisocial one, and I think it is just a tad self-praising at times. I recommend showing this to adults if possible just to make sure they find it as humorous as teenagers on this site do. Help with my NYU one if you can! Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / DVD collection of music videos - Pomona Supplement [3]

the myriad selections of video effects

The disco number "One Night Only" from Dreamgirls featured copious amounts of finger-pointing and a vaguely recognizable form of the running man - of course, accented by overly soulful facial expressions - and was made strangely reminiscent of a nightclub by the blacklight/neon Fun Filter. Run on.

Yet with no inhibitions and only a best friend since preschool and a cheap webcam with Fun Filters, I felt more at peace with myself than I ever did trying to keep up appearances.

As a result, I've somewhat given up trying to hold a certain appearance in favor of being my own self, a person who is unsurprisingly much more well-liked and happy than the me who suppressed himself within a cultural mold for normality's sake. The DVD collection of these music videos will live on in a shoebox in my closet, safe from harm (or any wandering eyes). Awkward sentences

on in DVD players to be enjoyed every so often, reminding me that there is great value in letting the walls down and losing yourself in laughs with friends.

overall, I like it. It sounded like a very fun experience! Please read my NYU on if you can.
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / "fixating on the past" + "sheep brains" - NYU Supplements [8]

I think you kind of just threw out all the facts you know about NYU. I'm glad you're very excited to go there, but it comes off kind of immature. I think you should do some major editing. Why do you admire his vision? What made you decide NYU is your dream school? Stuff like that. Check out mine for NYU if you can. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / common app essay - my apprach on being homeless [5]

Okay, i'm assuming you're not from the states. I take it that a rubber is an eraser? in the U.S. it's a condom. You might need to change the wording there hahaha. And take out the part about calling him gay because it comes off as insensitive. The juxtaposition of you and Aaron highlights your perserverence, so that's good. You've got quite the story just make sure it doesn't come off as self-pitying.
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I hope to major in Biology' - UPenn [12]

I don't think you're complimenting UPenn by pointing out they can't guarantee housing all four years hahah. Also, I think this is a loooot longer than 500 words and you really need to condense. Overall though, it's kind of bland. Please read my NYU one if you can.
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Water Polo' - Extracurricular Activity [19]

I was shot at, submerged, mercilessly laced with laps of various strokes and the eggbeater kick and assigned a strenuous running exercise around and up and down the flights of the stadium. This is a run on. Also, I don't know what an eggbeater kick is, so I'm not sure if the admissions staff will either.

The benefits of WP are not limited to the perimeter of the pool; instead they have extended to all dimensions of my life: my hand-eye coordination and reflexes are sharper and I am more cognizant. I don't think it's grammatically correct to use a semicolon and a comma in the same sentence.

Other than that, it's pretty good. A bit typical, but still good.
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I ignore the insults' - CommonApp supplement- extracurricular essay [6]

I think you have an interesting take on something most people would find very shocking and, well, mean. I would substitute the ellipsis with a comma. In the last sentence, I would put a period instead of a comma after face. That way you highlight I fly more.

implemented into our practices was a variation of 'survival of the fittest'

please help with my nyu one! thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement Essay [4]

You focus too much on complaining about your life with Eunice than you do explaining how it made you enjoy reading. And some of your diction seems like you opened a thesaurus and found the biggest words possible. Also, you overused "one". (one does this, one does that, etc)
karissa_a16   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / NYU SUPPLEMENT- In n Out, Socratic Seminars, Sewing (badly) [21]

It seems like alot of writing, but it's short I promise! Help me and I'll try my best to help you. Any and all criticism is appreciated.

1. Why NYU?

You've never been to California unless you've had an In-n-Out hamburger. The succulent delicacy known as the double-double is the pride and joy of the Golden State. Lucky for me, I live close to the run-down original building and the grandiose In-n-Out University (yes, it really does exist!), so I get to enjoy the delicious burgers on a regular basis.

As much as I love to order a number one with ketchup, mustard, and grilled onions only, I've found that In-n-Out symbolizes the downfalls of suburbia. If my friends and I get bored, our options are the mall, the movies, or In-n-Out. The original restaurant is the only "historical site" at my immediate disposal, and visiting different In-n-Out locations isn't my idea of seeing the world.

The lack of opportunity and perspective in the suburbs has led me to fill out this application to NYU. I envision my college experience taking place in New York and abroad, an experience that would allow me to conquer the intellectual and personal challenge of adapting and thriving in a globalized world. The study abroad opportunities at NYU will allow me to achieve this goal, whether I am in Greenwich Village, Abu Dhabi, Paris, or elsewhere. I am dedicated to pursuing my education while gaining experiences to shape how I view myself and the world around me, even if doing so doesn't involve In-n-Out hamburgers.

2. Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice. (I chose New York without portal schools because I won't be old enough to qualify)

"Alright guys, put the desks into two circles; we're going to have a Socratic Seminar."

Whenever Mr. Sanford uttered these words at the beginning of AP World History class, nearly every student grunted in disapproval. "This is so unbelievably stupid and pointless" was the usual complaint, with the occasional "Socrates must have been really lame."

I'm glad to say that I wasn't one of the angsty. In fact, I was one of the A's in the Triple A Rule. The Triple A Rule (or A Cubed) involved Austin, Austin, and Ang (the second Austin is my twin sister). During a Socratic Seminar, the three A's could not talk directly after one another. With a class full of shy and/or apathetic students, the wait to speak was long and frustrating, so A Cubed was quite annoying.

Eventually, I found the silver lining. Though I couldn't talk as much as I would have liked, the restriction enabled me to think critically about the cause and effect relationship of events in the past and how they relate to the present. Subsequently, I developed a newfound respect for history and world cultures. I am unsure if either will become my major, but I want to begin my exploration of culture and history in New York in order to experience the diverse facets of the city and America itself. By my second year, I want to study at any portal campus in order to have first-hand exposure to the histories and cultures of the nations and people I read about in my textbooks.

3. What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

At the end of 8th grade, my dad bought me a sewing machine, expecting I'd be a seamstress like my grandma. I did too, so I ordered The Complete Photo Guide to Sewing, hoping to channel my inner designer.

It quickly became apparent that Coco Chanel would not be reincarnated as Karissa Austin. I tend to spew out tangled contraptions that can not be considered wearable, let alone stylish. Regardless, I keep my sewing book around because it's one of the few objective things in my life. When I attempt to follow a new dress pattern, the book's procedure is black and white: cut out the brown tissue paper, fold the fabric, pin, cut, sew, and, if I'm lucky, the end product will be fashionable. Though this process has helped me spawn several horrendous garments, it has also sparked my intrigue in the contrast between logic and expression, the difference between the left and right brain, so to speak. For example, if I look at sleek architecture, I wonder how the beams and welding created the building, but I also wonder what the architect was trying to express. If I read a poem, I consider the functional purpose of punctuation and form, but I also consider the aesthetic flow. If I look at a dress, I visualize the individual pieces and how they're put together, but I also visualize the designer's inspiration.

Am I eternally plagued with being a mediocre seamstress? Probably, but at least my sewing book has helped me explore contrasts beyond clothes.

Thanks! :D
karissa_a16   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / Big zhou, my chemistry teacher [11]

I figured since the prompt was about a person who influenced me and what that influence was, I should focus on that. I thought that the reader would kind of infer that I value passion and drive more than I do money. I suppose I should make that more obvious?? I like to say it without saying it haha. And the essay is maybe 50 or so words over the 500 limit. Granted, it's a guideline but I don't want to make it too tedious and boring to read.
karissa_a16   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / "One Unassuming Summer Day"- Pomona Supplement [6]

I like that you picked a rather normal occurrence and made it sound fun and interesting. You should take out the sans water balloons part because it is redundant. From this essay, I get that you are a kid at heart who doesn't always take things so seriously. Hopefully that's what you wanted to get across. Please read mine (chemistry teacher one) if you have the chance. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the nature of economics' - My Cornell Essay Question [2]

I would love to hear a detailed account of your trip to Ireland and how it made you want to pursue economics. This essay is good, but an anecdote would be really interesting. I like the last paragraph. If you can, please read mine (chemistry teacher one). Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Movies- "Tell us something you do for pleasure" MIT [19]

because for me dull reality is an extra in movies. ---> awkward phrasing. Use film or cinema in place of movie sometimes because it gets repetitive. If you have the chance, please review my chemistry teacher essay. Thanks!
karissa_a16   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / "I Am Chanadian" - NYU App [5]

I agree about the indefatigable thing. other than that it's good.
karissa_a16   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Big zhou, my chemistry teacher [11]

She never really told us any stories about her struggles though, so I would have included those if I had any. I don't want to elaborate on the lesson too much because I'm afraid it will sound preachy :/
karissa_a16   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The origin of us' - Johns Hopkins Supplemental [10]

You seem very knowledgeable on your major, which is good. You mentioned some research you did but did not elaborate on it so you might want to do that. I like the last sentence.
karissa_a16   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell "I like money" [4]

I found it to be kind of bland honestly. Other than showing your interest in economics, it doesn't say much else about you.
karissa_a16   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Kit Kats: Common Application Essay [10]

I really really really like this. I guess my only suggestion would be to find a different word for common maybe? Idk that word has a big of an arrogant connotation for me. Maybe typical or normal would be better?
karissa_a16   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / A Holiday Gift (CommonApp Essay) [4]

I like it, you should make the encounter with the boy a bit more descriptive if possible.
The ability to sing I had been born with by a stroke of luck ----> I had been born with the ability to sing by a stroke of luck.
karissa_a16   
Dec 27, 2011
Undergraduate / Big zhou, my chemistry teacher [11]

This is for common app. THIS IS NOT THE TITLE BY THE WAY.
Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

I walked down the hall of the science building, anticipating what would await me when I reached the last room in the row of classes: E5. Schedule in hand, I cautiously entered the laboratory, trying not to scuff up my new shoes. "Zhou, J." it said next to the fifth period spot, "AP Chemistry." My friends and I settled in to the front corner of the classroom, when a willowy, glasses-clad Chinese woman emerged from the back room of the lab. "Hallo! I am Mrs. Zhou. I know my accent is hard to understand, but you will get used to it!" It is her signature disclaimer that she bellows out on the first day of school, completely self-assured it is not a hindrance. From the outset, she exuded strangeness and genuine kindness at the same time. Everybody loves her, and I could not help but smile at her subtle confidence. "This is going to be fun," I thought.

It was. Except for the chemistry part; it was the most challenging class I have ever taken. As difficult as mole to gram conversions and galvanic cells were to understand, Mrs. Zhou, or "Big Zhou" as she is affectionately known, never wavered in her dedication to and compassion for her students. At times, the strain of chemistry caused me to doubt myself. But if my test scores started slipping or I showed even the slightest signs of giving up, she was the first one to put me in check, always making sure to remind me of the extent of my potential. "Karissa, you so smart but TALKS TOO MUCH" she liked to tell me, even if my eyes diverted from the PowerPoint presentation for even a second or two.

I soon learned of Mrs. Zhou's journey to the chemistry lab in E5, and, subsequently, my life. She was born and raised in China and attended the University of Beijing before moving to Ohio for medical school. She worked as a medical researcher for several years before becoming a teacher. It struck me as quite the downgrade. "Big Zhou, why would you come to West Covina High School, of all places, when you could be making so much money?" I asked her once. "I like you guys!" she retorted, her toothy grin in all its glory. "And I love teaching, it's my passion."

She never said much else about her tenure in the medical field. Even so, her white, starchy lab coat with "Dr. Zhou, Infectious Diseases" embroidered in bright blue thread on the front pocket hangs in the back of the lab, like a ghost. It is a constant reminder of her past, and how it brought her into the lives of so many people. Sometimes, I would mess around and wear it, pretending I was like her. I can only hope that in the future, I am.

Aside from grammatical tips or other suggestions, please say something about what the "point" i was trying to make was. Also, does the last sentence imply I am interested in medicine at all?? It wasn't supposed to haha. THANKS!

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