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Posts by temptprovidence
Joined: Feb 22, 2013		 Last Post: Nov 16, 2014
Threads: 8
Posts: 162  
From: pakistan

Displayed posts: 170 / page 2 of 5
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temptprovidence   
Apr 14, 2013
Research Papers / Death Penalty (Research Paper); Introduction sentence [4]

may be you can start from some narration.. a piece of a scene involving death penalty and then you start with the comments and your info.. HOPE THAT HELPS.:)
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Essays / Need ideas for a catching start, topic sentence or headline [7]

i want to ask dumi about the uncertain kind of thing happening in here. my likes are decreasing one by one every day and one of the thread that of chessman.. i made two posts. neither the thread is available on this forum not even in the closed ones nor both of the likes i had on that are present in my account. i am certainly not helping people here for "likes" but i think likes are my precious record i have. plz explain this. and help me retrieve the loss. otherwise let me know the fault thats making me to suffer this.THANKYOU SO MUCH!! :)

temptprovidence

Maybe you Feature your threads (and it costs some Likes).
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / Who enjoy life more? Young or Old? [6]

dumi were my corrections right? and i want to ask you something about this forum. can i ask about it right on this thread? thanks.
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / Encouraging students to take part in more unpaid community services is always an excellent idea [4]

It also is one the best way to make new friends

It also is one the best ways to make new friends

This is not only wasting their time, but detrimental to their health as lacking of physical activities

....as they lack the physical activity.

The nature of unpaid community service is a voluntary work and volunteering means there is no compulsory

...compulsion.
that was a great expression and you have good points. best of luck :)
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Writing Feedback / When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat? [4]

Even thousands years ago, when live was not as complicated as it is now, people were afraid af that what was waiting for them.

Even thousands of years ago, when lif e was not as complicated as it is now, people were afraid o f that what was waiting for them

SIMPLE TYPING ERRORS!!

Teenagers were feeling scared of getting married

drop this word out.

On the od er hand, future also always has been a promise

On the od er hand, future also always hashave been a promise

what is very probably to happen. That is why our future is not a thing that we should be only worried about but also look foward it, because we never know what good can ocurre

what is very probable to happen. That is why our future is not a thing that we should be only worried about but also look for ward to it, because we never know what good can ocurre

type carefully!
that was a good narration overall. use have for past present and future :)
temptprovidence   
Apr 1, 2013
Undergraduate / I spent four years working with John Smth ;Boulder/Influential people in my life. [5]

John has taught me how to setup

has is not to be used here :)
em
mighta
avoid these even if in quotes.
then you have a good expression but you must try to make it more to the point. for giving colour you wrote about what chris said. do for it so that you can express how near you are to the topic. you wasted your word limit for that. :) MAYBE I WAS HELPFUL!! thats why i didnt make much corrections for you were confusing but you seem to be good enough in that to improve it yourself :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to exchange of information [9]

As a well say ,' every coin has both sides'

"saying says..." will be the replacement.

Modern technology is a case in point .

this turns out meaninglesss...

thereis pros and cons for everything

are. .

there is no definately harm our lives

there is no defini tely harm to our lives
that was a great attempt overall :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 27, 2013
Scholarship / I link my career with reservoir Engineering; Scholarship in Petroleum Rng [4]

do you want to write 200 words on each topic?

the sentence structure was well managed. and you made little mistakes but overall your determination towards the topic was loveable and made your essay insightful, powerful and coloured up. BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 27, 2013
Undergraduate / When I envision my future, I see Lifelong Learning -Transfer Objectives [2]

I look forward to transferring to a four-year college

....to a four year collegecourse

I have had the opportunity to work under some truly talented and inspiring instructors at the community college I currently attend

you used "i have had ".. so it would be "attended.".

These are tools that have, and will continue to...

These are the tools that have, and will continue to....

yes you went evenly through but i see the major issue that is disturbing you is the length. you firstly discussed too much about the students who will accompany you. shorten that down to one sentence. you can look for other such where you have used more than two sentences for one point. cut that down. i see your writing is perfect so you can review it yourself to bring that off to perfection.

BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 26, 2013
Grammar, Usage / Grammar issues and their application; Need Help [7]

i am a bit confused about the sentences as given. just help me to the right one.

1)no sooner did he left the house, .... it started to hail.

(a)than
(b)when
(c)then

*i am a bit inclined towards option (a)... for it maintans the sense of comparison that the phrase "no sooner" contain. need help!

also when it comes to "hardly" then...
2)hardly had he left the room, ... it started to rain.

(a)than
(b)when
(c)then

*plz indicate the right option.
temptprovidence   
Mar 26, 2013
Essays / Need ideas for a catching start, topic sentence or headline [7]

whenever i start writing any article or just a narration, before starting or even when i start, i have simply no idea what i am gonna write and even if a narration, i dont know even what will be my topic.. and i begin and the story itself moves on. this is the reason that the first time i write, i feel the essay ill at quality. another consequence of this is that every of my writing has the same starting. i feel it is turning out to be typical of me. i am fed up with same kind of startings.. like i write...

in the dimming illumination on the pavement, i could clearly hear the tip tap of my feet mingling in the continuous dripping of the rain. the night was dark; the only visible thing was darkness. my visibility extended out towards the unfortunate past....!!

....and so on....
then i move back to the past and this is the typical of mine. i am desperate to create variety and need suggestion.i know there are a lot of mistakes and anyone can point out the poor quality in it.

secondly, i want guidance on how we can make our heading strong and catching??
and thirdly, can learning english phrases written by good writers have an impact on our english building???
temptprovidence   
Mar 24, 2013
Undergraduate / My mom & dad made me who I'm today! / influential person in my life [4]

My mom is a person, who did lots of struggles alone in her life and has always take care her four children.

and has always take cared for her children

They believe sending women school

They believe sending women to school

My dad is role model in my life.

My dad is a role model in my life
check out for all such petty mistakes. your writing was powerful from sensational point of view.
BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Is growth necessary for a happy life? [4]

hi naila, its not necessary to show how devoted you are to fsc essays... :) well.. english is a means of communication and you need to be in limits. menu palle nai para... to be concise =D
temptprovidence   
Mar 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Fiction stories are more fun than watching moveis? Agree or not? [2]

i disagree to this statement and present my point of view in forthcoming paragraphs.

"disagree" comes with "with"

There motion pictures gives relaxation to people because in modern-era life is too hard to live.

motion pictures are a source of tranquility and relaxation for people in this modern ere of strenuous lives.

by watching pictures people able to know about all colors of life within a les s time.

by watching pictures people are able to know about all the colors of life within a short time.

it is a good source of spending leisure time and by watching movies people can able to understand the value of their life.

dont put this "and" and try to separate these two sentences.

some people thinksthat reading...

than

It also helps to improve vocabulary and it is more interactive medium than movies.

that was a plus point of yours.

In a nutshell, it can be stated that there are more people who prefer to watch movies rather-than reading books and novels.

nice ending. :)
your expression and idea is excellent. just go for improvements in grammar and sentence formation. that will be perfect. ^-^BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 "Face-to-face communication as opposed to ther means" [8]

Having looked at both aspects, I'm convinced that the best way is decided then and there according to the situation and as a result, it is difficult conclude one way is beneficial over the other.

this is a good point. you used it as a topic to discuss in the whole essay. thats a plus point. :)

Nevertheless, when other modes of communication are taken in to account, it is beneficial in many ways

it turns out beneficia l in many ways.
thats what i found to comment when i read it again. again i would regard it as a good one approach. your writing skills are appreciable.

go for the cut through.:)
temptprovidence   
Mar 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 "Face-to-face communication as opposed to ther means" [8]

It has been shown from the ancient times

evident.

it is difficult conclude one way is beneficial over the other.

it is thus difficult to conclude that one way is beneficial over the other.

Face-to-face communication has to be encouraged

needs.

are taken in to account

into
just look more for such mistakes. you were asked to agree or disagree.. you did none.. thats compulsory.
expression was well made. BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 22, 2013
Graduate / I will exceed your expectations; Master in communications, personal statement [5]

I became assured that this program best suites my academic and career goals.

was convinced.

When speaking about my education I can't help but to mention my experience in studying abroad.

mentioning.. this word is enough in its place.

that was a good approach and it is a good expression of your interests and goals. you can just go for a rereading and you yourself can help out even better. BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 22, 2013
Book Reports / Why Raymond Caver emphasizes on eating, drinking and smoking marijuana in"CATHEDRAL"? [3]

Even though his wife always talk about him.

Even though his wife always talked about him.

Bud had gotten more comfortable with Robert.

Bud had gottenmanaged to be more comfortable with Robert.

He is even happy to have Robert's presences.

presences
that was a very good one attempt.. loved the expression that comprehensively covered aspects and made the reader clear towards everything.BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 22, 2013
Book Reports / The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ; How to write literary analysis? [2]

do you want corrections? or just suggestions for improvement? or just ideas about quality?

well the thing itself is well written and comprehendible. you asked how to write... so you have written a good one but i am not sure to what extent i have to discuss. so please clear your way... ^-^
temptprovidence   
Mar 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / Who is right or who is wrong? Business law in Singapore (essay 2000 words) [2]

i guess it is ben... because he can justify for every accusation... where you have given no justification for the supervisor and yourself have given a biased statement. you have given the accusation from the supervisor and then cleared it off yourself. in this case ben is the only answer for us to give. :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 15, 2013
Undergraduate / Pondering over the career and my aptitude; NUS - computer Engineering [9]

you have a good collection of points and expressions.. go for a revision and you will go with that perfectly.. although i didnt find one i will still request you to reach out for microsoft word pad..just copy paste it there and it will point out all sorts of errors. grammatical in green. others in red underline.hope it can help out even more...!!! BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 15, 2013
Speeches / 8 Min Presentation for a Scholarship Program- Need some advice [3]

-There are no bad children, just bad parents

if the speech requires a bit of humour or a bit training this one is better. otherwise,

-Is the world develping or is it just changing?

this will also turn out to be a nice topic to make an impressive speech on.
hope i answered the question. best of luck :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 15, 2013
Poetry / "when fate is really so true" (a piece of poetry) [11]

thanks... can i know your city..???? further adding, i possess a strong dislike towards texting. the "..." and "!!!" are just a cursed habit of mine. :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 14, 2013
Scholarship / "Power of Money"; SCHOLARSHIP- Field of Study and what has influenced mydecision [7]

GE Foundation scholar - leader is an annual glorious schola

from all that i read, you avoided all the grave mistakes. but that was a mistake that is a simple mistake that occured for you out of nowhere.. but that was a sign to show that there are other mistakes like that too.. you better go for a rereading and you yourself will certainly find out.

you have a good collection of points and expressions.. go for a revision and you will go with that perfectly.. although i didnt find one i will still request you to reach out for microsoft word pad..just copy paste it there and it will point out all sorts of errors. grammatical in green. others in red underline.hope it can help out even more...!!! BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 14, 2013
Undergraduate / My international experience began at a young age; BA-International Business [4]

Q4. What will you contribute to the classroom of IB?

you didnt discuss this...

but before including this to your letter, you need to know that the length is already too long for further addition.. cut down all that that is not the part of the questions. then add this... although that cannot be referred to as unnecessary details, but still need omissions

hope it was helpful.. best of luck...=)
temptprovidence   
Mar 14, 2013
Undergraduate / Accounting is part of human's everyday life; Masters-Personal Statement [5]

All over the globe disregard of languages or cultures,

apart from ...
you can use much better than this as well

that was good and very legible to understand.. you used the correct amount of vocabulary and points. you still can go for improvements for a good expression and making it a catching one for the institution to let you in as easily... you must try to make it a more bit shorter.:)

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