Letters / Letter of recommendation - Master Program [8]

Every person can say s/he is of great and strong motivate, good personality, leadership and ability to cooperate in a work-team. However, the way the above extract is written tends to indicate that the recommended student is none of these things.

Possible solution:A better approach is more likely to use very short stories, to show the readers the recommended student good qualities,

Writing Feedback / Parents are the best teachers; 'they play vital role on children's education' [8]


tooo looong, giving more work to the readers as they needs to memorize things. Possible solution: Break it into two sentences or more.


Also, Too loooong. Reduce the length of your sentences a bit more

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : Modern forms of communication; 'electronic letter' [4]


This is called dangling participle. How to solve this? Visit this link:usu.edu/markdamen/writingguide/10dangpt.htm


or Obviously ???


tooo looong, giving more work to the readers as they needs to memorize things. Possible solution: Break it into two sentences or more.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : Modern forms of communication; 'electronic letter' [4]

Fact: Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends.
Opinion: This has had a negative effect on their social lives.
Task: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Working with the intro, you simply paraphrase those points above. Plus, a hook, which is short, clear and catchy :D

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Adult educational survey report [15]



The answer sadly says "I dunno what the inconsistency is." I never ever read and heard about that.


Go get Google :D

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - plan to build new supermarket in the city of Garlsdon. [7]

Thanks to Google, here is information regarding Maps in IELTS:

Generally there are two types of maps in the IELTS test. First, they may give us two maps of the same place but in different times (e.g 1940, 2010). They ask us to write a report on how this place had changed over time. Let's call such maps diachronic. Second, they give us one single map and ask us to describe two locations on them or even compare them. Let's call them synchronic maps.

Diachronic maps
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: state what the direction of change is (is the city more modernized, has it turned to a tourist attraction/resort, etc)
Body: start with the most obvious changes and then try to cover all the changes.

Synchronic maps.
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: depending on what the purpose of those points are, give an opinion about which one may serve our purpose better.
Body: compare the two points

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; Hawaiian island chain in the center of Pacific Ocean [7]

A few tips for maps in IELTS from google
Generally there are two types of maps in the IELTS test. First, they may give us two maps of the same place but in different times (e.g 1940, 2010). They ask us to write a report on how this place had changed over time. Let's call such maps diachronic. Second, they give us one single map and ask us to describe two locations on them or even compare them. Let's call them synchronic maps.

Diachronic maps
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: state what the direction of change is (is the city more modernized, has it turned to a tourist attraction/resort, etc)
Body: start with the most obvious changes and then try to cover all the changes.

Synchronic maps.
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: depending on what the purpose of those points are, give an opinion about which one may serve our purpose better.
Body: compare the two points

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. [6]

I am googling now. This is information about maps in IELTS.
Generally there are two types of maps in the IELTS test. First, they may give us two maps of the same place but in different times (e.g 1940, 2010). They ask us to write a report on how this place had changed over time. Let's call such maps diachronic. Second, they give us one single map and ask us to describe two locations on them or even compare them. Let's call them synchronic maps.

Diachronic maps
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: state what the direction of change is (is the city more modernized, has it turned to a tourist attraction/resort, etc)
Body: start with the most obvious changes and then try to cover all the changes.

Synchronic maps.
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: depending on what the purpose of those points are, give an opinion about which one may serve our purpose better.
Body: compare the two points

Writing Feedback / TALKS IELTS 1: The map of Pellington city - new shopping mall [8]

Thanks to Google, this is information about maps in IELTS.
Generally there are two types of maps in the IELTS test. First, they may give us two maps of the same place but in different times (e.g 1940, 2010). They ask us to write a report on how this place had changed over time. Let's call such maps diachronic. Second, they give us one single map and ask us to describe two locations on them or even compare them. Let's call them synchronic maps.

Diachronic maps
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: state what the direction of change is (is the city more modernized, has it turned to a tourist attraction/resort, etc)
Body: start with the most obvious changes and then try to cover all the changes.

Synchronic maps.
Intro: here you should state what the maps show
Overview: depending on what the purpose of those points are, give an opinion about which one may serve our purpose better.
Body: compare the two points

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Who is responsible for helping to poorer nations. [9]


Sure :D

Paragraph 1
My grandmother always used to say (1) "happiness is real, when it is shared". Indeed, in the modern world, there are a vast (2) amount of poor and rich countries. Who is responsible to help poorer nations? Some people claim that it is a duty of everyone, whereas others believe that only the governments of developing nations are responsible for such action. Personally, I completely agree with (3) the words of my grandmother and believe that the duty of wealthy nations is to help to poorer ones.

Comments:
(1) You'd better rewrite or omit this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the examiner at all to finish reading the essay. You may get penalised.

(2) Write 'number'. Amount followed by Uncountable noun.
(3) Verbose, meaning too many words. Write 'her words'

Paragraph 2
(1) First and foremost, (2) one must note that no country was poor from the (3) get-go. In this sense, one of the principal reasons why some countries are poorer is that the resources of these nations were taken (4) by force. For example, the United Kingdom is (5) so wealthy country, because in earlier times it conquered a lot of nations and used the resources of others for nothing. As a result, the UK has become (6) so rich by making others poorer. So, (7) some countries must pay back their debts and provide them with food and education.

Comments:
(1) This is very common expression.You'd better rewrite or omit this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the examiner at all to finish reading the essay. You may get penalized.

(2) One refers to ???? This can be categorized as VAGUE PRONOUN REFERENCE
(3) I am not sure that this word can be acceptable. Use the formal word/s, not the informal ones
(4) in the forces or by force?
(5 & 6) If you want to emphasize that something does a lot or to a great degree, then you should use this: so ... as to be

(7) I see you were trying to convince the readers by this sentence, but this lacks progression

Paragraph 3
Secondly, one must admit that the Earth provides enough resources for every man, woman and child to live comfortably. However, there are some people in power that choose to hoard it all. As a result, 50% of all wealth of the Earth belongs to 20% of people. From my point of view, the wealth of the world must be allotted in a proper way. Even from the point of humanity, man's duty is to help to each other.

Comments:
Mechanics are good, but some ideas come out nowhere. Therefore this shows a weak paragraph.

Paragraph 4:
(1) In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the governments of rich nations must be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education.

Comments
(1) This item is highly common.

Use these less common lexical items:
The aforementioned evidence examines that ...
Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...


We can't give you definitive band scores. If we do, you will put a great deal of trust on us, If we do give you band scores that are not reflected in your eventual IELTS test results, you may well build up unrealistic expectations, and ultimately, disappointment for you.

We focus on recommending ways how you can improve your different skills - that is a much more useful way to help you to improve your language ability and therefore, your test results.

If you want to take IELTS exam as early as possible, please pay particular attention to grammar and whole points in the table of IELTS writing descriptors.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. [6]

Some ideas:
Key trends for Supermarket 2 (S2)
As it can be seen from the map, Supermarket 2 is surrounded by rust belt cities. Also, in the north and south of its map, there are small resident areas. The busy main road from Cransdon to Bransdon and vice versa is linked to the center of town, where Supermarket 2 is sited in.

Key trends for Supermarket 1 (S1)
due to Supermarket 1 located in countryside between the main road and the railway to Hindon, there is a high probability that Supermarket 1 would show a great merit. People from the town centre and the other outskirts could use train and car to this area, while the use of transportation in the area of Supermarket 2 is not allowed.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; Hawaiian island chain in the center of Pacific Ocean [7]

Mechanics are good. However, you misconstrue in the pict.

A small tip:
Read as many authentic texts/ samples of IELTS writings as you can to improve your writing skills. Reading texts not only improves your vocab and grammar, but it also gives you some new ideas about different topics.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The map of Brandfield city - new shopping mall [4]

I think I need a magnifying glass to see the small picture :D


This is too short, dear :(


Compared to the first area, the second one closed to the rust belt cities is sited in south east of the town

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 2: Who is responsible for helping to poorer nations. [9]


This is very common expression.You'd better rewrite or omit this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the examiner at all to finish reading the essay. You may get penalized.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; The map about Garlsdon City. [4]


I feel this sentence can't be put as the main statement starting your paragraph. You are being asked to focus on the two cities planned as the best place for a new supermarket.

Key trends for Supermarket 2 (S2)
As it can be seen from the map, Supermarket 2 is surrounded by rust belt cities. Also, in the north and south of its map, there are small resident areas. The busy main road from Cransdon to Bransdon and vice versa is linked to the center of town, where Supermarket 2 is sited in.

Key trends for Supermarket 1 (S1)
due to Supermarket 1 located in countryside between the main road and the railway to Hindon, there is a high probability that Supermarket 1 would show a great merit. People from the town centre and the other outskirts could use train and car to this area, while the use of transportation in the area of Supermarket 2 is not allowed.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Emigration intentions, Bulgarian aged 15-60, 2001 & 2006 [9]

A few words for the layout of the paragraph:
Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Australian weather broadcasting process [6]

Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / IETS Task 1 : Propotion of Canadian graduates by gender [5]


I feel you have a problem with tense use here.
Possible solution: Change the verbs into the same tense.


This is a situation showing the main ideas. Hence, it is the part of an overview.

Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / Choice between academic qualifications vs personal experience and values, when hiring [4]

I see you try to vary your sentences by using synonyms, but you should remember not all synonyms have the exact meaning with the original ones. This affects your sentences roughly.


Comments:
1. This phrase adds no value. Better omit.
2. The word 'population' is inappropriate. Population = people living in a particular area. E.g India has a population more than 1 billion. Hence, you'd better use 'people'. Revised phrase: some people

3. The word 'mention' is inappropriate. Mention = to talk or write about something or someone, usually quickly and without saying very much or giving details. E.g Some of the problems were mentioned in his report. Revised phrase: argue/ claim

4. Experience in the human life is a complicated syntactic structure. Revised: a few areas of human experience
5. Write 'a degree certificate' instead of college certificates

Result:
Some people argue that a few areas of human experience are more important than a degree certificate

Writing Feedback / 'Gender and jobs relate to gender' - Equal numbers of male and female students [4]


I can't even catch what you were trying to say. Is that you mean?
The equal proportion of girls to boys in class will show a fifty-fifty chance of graduation


number of girls | amount of uncountable noun

Well, you should include the full prompt with your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments.
It is always better you include the purpose of your writing (IELTS, TOEFL, GRE etc.) in the title.

Writing Feedback / 'dissatisfaction with the house' ; IELTS TASK 1 [14]

Were I you, I would start constructing the bodies of the paragraph, like this:
Para 2: Thank him for the offer (go in details)
Para 3: . Explain why you want to stay in the present job (go in details)
Para 4:. Recommend a friend for the job in the new company (go in details)

By doing so, I could cover all the question given.

Writing Feedback / Choice between academic qualifications vs personal experience and values, when hiring [4]


is that you mean?
Students are faced with study delay as a result of financial situation

When you deal with essay, the first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.

Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

Writing Feedback / 'dissatisfaction with the house' ; IELTS TASK 1 [14]


Very good approach by Pahan

If I were you, I would start constructing the bodies of the paragraph into:
Para 2: Say who you are and why you are writing (go in details)
Para 3: Explain the details of the work that you are unsatisfied with (go in details)
Para 4: Give suggestions on what you think they should do (go in details)

By doing so, I could cover all the points given.

Writing Feedback / IELTSTask1: Music choice VS Pop parade music [7]

three paragraphs for visual writing are not enough to describe what is presented.


It is hard to follow the logical order from this loooong sentence. Break this sentence into two-three parts. By doing so, you help readers easy to understand what you have presented.

here is a link that brings you more closely to good samples for writing task 1:
ielts.org/test_takers_information/test_sample/academic_writing_sa mple.aspx

Writing Feedback / IELTS: mobile phone; "Iron man" / "Weichat" - destroy social interactions? [8]


Have look at this phrase: With rapid development of the ... this is too common for words. All students use this. Therefore, the word is not absolutely breathtaking. Suggestion: omit

A closer look at the task:


For me, if you are offered such task, then you are asked to take a position, which is neither in total agreement nor total disagreement, but somewhere in between. Then, you should explain why. And I see you did :D

However, you should pay special attention to the activities on paragraph construction

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Changes in one city spending patterns in 1966. [8]


This phrase is mostly used in writing task 2/ spoken language, not suitable use in report writing.
Suggestion: omit or rewrite


From ... to



subject-verb agreements

here is a link that brings you more closer to good samples for writing task 1:
ielts.org/test_takers_information/test_sample/academic_writing_sa mple.aspx

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; region and by gender for the year 2000. [9]

Developed Countries, Latin America/Caribbean, East Asia/Oceania which have percentage each regions as big as 1 %, 10 %, and 8 %.
Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab States, South Asia have percentage consist of 31 %, 29 %, and 34 %.
Latin America/Caribbean, East Asia/Oceania with rates approximately 2 %, 12 %, and 20 %.
Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab States, South Asia have percentage namely 48 %, 52 %, and 56 %.

Those sentences are called 'shopping list', by listing obvious figures one after another. The best way is to compare and contrast the key trends. This shows more professional writing than does the previous style.


A fact that is interesting, I don't think this area can be categorized :(

Writing Feedback / IELTS task II Learning by Gadgets than books. [6]


Yes, I agree with Pahan.

Look at the prompt more closely:


Simply restate the question above. Then, you put a Hook, attracting readers' attention.

Let me give a try:
Educational gadgets have taken over textbooks. Some people claim that these small portable devices more actively promote effective learning in school. Some others, however, argue that textbooks give general guides on how to study systematically. Both views have merits and demerits. However, I think to overcome expenses and distance, students should learn through the gadgets.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II The different of Life Culture in the past and in the modern era [6]


So sorry, I can't even give you some examples for this. I got something to do for my work :D
No worries, here is the link you can read as to find the discussed points: owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/2/1/34/

Upppsss, look at this:


This is tooo loong

Simply work with the prompt to construct your intro. Here is the prompt:


Let me give a try:

Everybody has a dream to live in a convenient place. In the past, some people enjoyed staying in one place with where they have grown up. Nowadays, the needs of better standard of living and educational purposes are some of the reasons why there is human migration. Both views have merits and demerits. However, I believe that gaining citizenship or a job transfer has increased overall numbers in people moving from one to another place.

Writing Feedback / progress is always precarious; every step toward it brings suffering, sacrifices [6]

What is your opinion? It is always good to close an intro with stating your opinion more directly rather than leaving the reader in a vague situation.

A closer look at the task: agree or disagree
For me, if you are offered such task, then you are asked to take a position, which is neither in total agreement nor total disagreement, but somewhere in between. Then, you should explain why.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; Cinema attendance in the UK [9]






You should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission. Also proofread your essay yourself to locate correctly spelled but misused words.

Noteworthy:
After clicking on "WRITING FEEDBACK". On the screen that says "Subject - MUST be descriptive, original, and meaningful!", write IELTS with the keywords (Max. 50 characters)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Men and women are having children late. 'it can be more beneficial' [4]

The mechanics are good.



When you write firstly, secondly, lastly to mention supporting points , I am afraid that you are overusing the linking devices. I think the better way is to avoid using lots of the connective words. If you think that you need to earn coherence and cohesion, pay particular attention to demonstrate cohesion.


Don't say regarding to. Just say regarding

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg - succesful people who earned a lot of money [5]

A tip dealing with EF: Every time you want to submit writing, you should always include the full prompt in your post together with the essay. This helps readers fully understand what it requires from you.

Writing Feedback / 'Internet is helping humankind for getting information important from corner of the world' [15]

Look at what Dumi suggests you with the structure (a 4-paragraph essay). With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction.


This is too simple.

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay - Science or art - contributed more in the society [4]


If I rearrange the sentence, what do you think? Here is:
To face up the developed society, some people always use the best artistic creations and advance scientific luxuries.


This is an incomplete sentence You need to put an independent clause.

Writing Feedback / Many teachers assign homework to students every day. 'Valuable exercise' [9]

The teacher better gives daily homework for students. It is because brings many advantages for pupils. It is not only bringing many advantages for student's lives, but also has disadvantages too.

giving homework for students is not always right. It is because teachers cannot control the students, they make it alone or others.

These two parts are hard to read. I spend two-three times reading, but still don't understand what you were trying to say. Better re-write without too many words attached.

Undergraduate / My teacher want paragraph about a good OR a bad childhood experience i had ,, [7]

You should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission. Also proofread your essay yourself to locate correctly spelled but misused words.

Writing Feedback / IELTS "a subject that you haven't opportunity to study" study religion more deep [6]

You should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission. Also proofread your essay yourself to locate correctly spelled but misused words.

Writing Feedback / Be positive when unemployed; People attending schools for many different reasons [3]

1. Utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. Open a new sentence with upper-case letter.

2. always try to include the prompt and the purpose of your writing (IELTS, TOEFL, GRE etc.) in the title. This is good to earn more feedbacks

3. With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. Also, this is good for coherence and cohesion.

Speeches / IELTS speaking - Describe a time when you helped someone [6]


develop your writing skills by reading published writings here. Also, giving and taking some thoughtful feedback are the best way to improve your writing.


Even though you are not confident about your English language skill, you can help others, as always. I still believe they are not able to digest their writings as good as you digest. They need you to tell them how their writings affects you, as a reader. Be confident is the number one, then try and fix the writings as best you can :D