Undergraduate / Choosing intellectual engagement; Bowdoin supplement [7]

For an entire semester of my AP Psychology course, I have seen my teacher in person. I have never met my classmates. I have never held my textbook in my hands. However, despite all of these seemingly non-engaging aspects, I am more engaged in this class than I have ever been in a "real" course. How is this possible, one might ask. I have asked myself the same question many times throughout this course. I was weary, at first, of the thought of an online class. I would be attending a new "school" alongside my real school. I would have classes with people from all over the nation. I would have to contact my teacher solely through Skype or email. How could I possibly become intellectually engaged? However, from the moment I decided to push myself by signing up for this online course, I have found myself extremely engaged. This course has led me to change my idea of intellectual engagement. I was, figuratively, surrounded by students who truly wanted to learn about psychology. They were there by choice, not because they had to fill a slot in their course plan. It is one thing to be surrounded by people struggling to keep up with the workload that they have to maintain. It is a completely different feeling to be surrounded by people who want to be intellectually engaged. I have found that intellectual engagement must be fueled by interest and passion. At Bowdoin, not only are there a variety of opportunities to learn, but there is a desire amongst the students to take up these opportunities. This level of intellectual engagement is unparalleled by most colleges. I find myself, yet again, seeking the opportunity to learn beyond what is imaginable.

This is 290 words of the 250 word limit. I know the ending is bad and unfinished, any suggestions? Do I need to talk more about Bowdoin?

Undergraduate / Exploring the minds of Yalies; Why Yale? [6]

I have explored both websites and the minds of the diversely talented Yalies, and what they have all ceaselessly attested to has reinforced my decision to apply. The small classes taught by accessible and knowledgeable teachers who truly care for their undergraduates, the unique residential system that brings intimacy to such a major research university, the liberal curriculum that allows for a deep understanding of one's major and a broad understanding of the humanities, and the natural and social sciences all while improving my writing and quantitative skills, and the institutions like Dwight Hall which show that Yale is dedicated to broadening student's scope by immersing them in vast cultural, recreational, and academic opportunities have all been praised by the Yalies with whom I have spoken. These highly engaged students have shown me that Yale is not a one-track school. Rather, Yale cultivates well-rounded students who comprise a community that I not only want to contribute to, but also become a part of.

[I know I can't end with a preposition, but I can't seem to fix that last sentence]
[And yes, that honker in the middle is one big sentence, but it's not a run-on, I promise! Just obnoxious to read...]

Help! Please! I'm at 1027 characters of the allotted 500... oops.
I know it's not very personal, but I really don't have some spectacular story about overhearing a conversation on campus that made me know I have to apply.

I have pages and pages (literally, I created a whole document) of reasons why I want to apply to Yale and what makes it unique. Clearly this is not all of it, but it's about as condensed as I can make it.

Thoughts? Please!

Undergraduate / You will wake up with me; Letter to future Harvard rommate [2]

Dear Roommate,
I am a morning person.
This is one of the first things that I tell people if I will be living with them. Now, I have only lived with a roommate a few times, just the typical camp cabins and college visits, but when I do I never fail to tell her that I am an early riser. I tell people this for two reasons. The first being my hope that if I tell them in advance, they won't be too surprised to find that I have already gotten ready for the day before they are even awake. The second reason I tell you this is because I feel like this early rising habit has completely shaped my outlook on life as well as who I am as a person today. I like to think that the early morning is the simplest time of day. Imagine waking up to no distractions, no interferences, nothing to disconnect you from the natural world. You can see your surroundings without any influence from people. Seeing the sunrise, listening to the world stir as it begins to awake, feeling the crisp morning air, the sensation of cool fresh dew touching the bottoms of your feet. From this perspective, the world is uncomplicated. There is no homework to worry about, no traffic to sit through, and no place to be other than in the present. Once the day begins and the sounds change from birds chirping to cars speeding down the street, as I'm sure happens fairly quickly in Boston. The sights change from the sun slowly creeping over the horizon to people hustling on the sidewalks trying to get to their next endpoint. Once the morning glory fades, I can quickly snap back into the daily swing of things and remember what the day has in store for me. However, despite the position of the sun in the sky, I always try to live in the moment and not let things pass me by. Just from waking up a few hours earlier, I gain a sense of positivity that I continue to use it throughout my day. So, I apologize in advance if I accidentally wake you up at an ungodly hour, but I hope that one day you will wake up with me, to see the world from my point of view.

Is all of my grammar/punctuation correct? How is the letter itself? I know a lot of these types of essays list a whole bunch of stuff, but I didn't really want to go that route. Harvard is definitely a stretch for me and I'm not sure that this would necessarily help my chances, but do you think it would hurt my chances? I know I should write about something truly amazing, but I really want to get this application sent!

Undergraduate / My Non-Diversity Form of Diversity; Colgate University/ About you/ Colgate Community [4]

We honor the many different forms of diversity in our community. Your perspective is valuable because it comes from your life experiences, family backgrounds, and culture. Please tell us about yourself, how you plan to share your perspective with the Colgate Community, and what you hope to learn from other members of the community. Answer in 250 words or less

I can count all of my closest living relatives on both hands. We do not have close family still living in our parent country. When someone looks at me, they cannot easily say, "Oh, you're definitely from 'this country.'" Enjoying my grandmother's recipe for Swedish meatballs for dinner is about the closest that our family gets to embracing our muddled heritage.

However, it is this lack of a glaring cultural background that has led me to want to discover more. I never fail to ask my grandmother all about her Swedish background. I'll pester my father about the family crests that I find lying around his office and the Dutch translation of our last name Valk, which means "falcon." My never-failing curiosity even led me to create an account on Ancestry.com to fully delve into my heritage. I have since then collected many pieces of history and have traced our family tree back for dozens of generations. I have even come in contact with a long, lost great uncle who was my departed grandfather's half-brother. The fact that I can still discover more about my varied background is what continues to interest me. It is this same reaching out that I hope to continue throughout four years at Colgate University. My hometown, Memphis, TN, provides me with an endless source of diversity. Through the Memphis community I have learned more about cultures around the world than I could have ever imagined. Colgate's close-knit community models my small family. I hope to learn just as much about the Colgate community as I have learned about my own family.

I'm at 332 words right now. I know the ending gets sort of bad, but I was hoping that's where I could find some help!

Do I answer the prompt? I know it seems like I don't really talk about my diversity, but I tried to put my history in the best light compared to other vastly more diverse people!

I wanted to avoid the whole "I'm from the deep South" thing, because I'm really not "country" at all!

Undergraduate / Escaping my comfort zone; University of Richmond Supplement essay [4]

Hello, this is my first draft for my Richmond supplement essay. It gets kind of choppy and strange at the end. I am looking for lots of constructive criticism, so any feedback is much appreciated! I know it is long, but I will review your essays if you review mine (I can provide a lot of feedback!)

Here is the prompt:

Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you? Length should be approximately 1-2 pages, double-spaced

I was walking through a thrift store when something caught my eye. However, upon the urging of my friends to leave the store, I had no choice but to leave behind the sleek robin's egg blue typewriter that I had noticed. For some unexplained reason, I couldn't stop thinking about that typewriter when I returned home. I asked my father if we had any old typewriters in our attic. Although his reply was not what I was initially hoping for, what he said next would only reinforce my fascination with the typing machine. By pure coincidence, my father had almost brought home a typewriter that he noticed, as he thought I might be interested in it. He was certainly correct, as I spent the next few days researching typewriters. As I read articles on the history of the typewriter and the mechanics of the machine, I started seeing the names of different types of keyboards, mainly The Sholes layout, otherwise known as QWERTY, and the Dvorak layout. This sparked my interest. I had certainly heard of the QWERTY keyboard; it is what is found on all modern phones and computers. It was the keyboard that was unfamiliar to me, the Dvorak keyboard, that I wanted to learn more about. I soon stumbled upon an interesting article that detailed the history of the Dvorak method. I soon became educated on the many downfalls of the QWERTY keyboard as well as the many benefits of the Dvorak design. Dvorak had arranged the keys in a way that simultaneously improves accuracy and allows for faster typing, all while requiring less finger motion. By the end of the article, I was convinced.

That day, I decided to completely rearrange my keyboard and start learning the Dvorak method. When others asked why my laptop keyboard looked so odd, I told them of my spontaneous decision. I was met with plenty of odd looks and some occasional blatant laughter. I spent weekends adapting to the new typing style. I was met with the initial difficulty that I had expected. Because of my daily school typing classes that I took since the fifth grade, I had become proficient with the QWERTY keyboard. Learning the Dvorak keyboard was like learning another language. The keys were in entirely new places; it was like a new alphabet. However, I preserved because other converts had assured me that the benefits would be far worth the time outside of my comfort zone. I sat in classes trying my hardest to remember which letter was in which spot. I had never realized how truly reliant I was on my old keyboard. I was completely vulnerable. I had reverted back to my fifth grade self, struggling to hammer out the keys one by one. I no longer typed at eighty words per minute. Instead, I was typing at a snail-like pace of ten words per minute. I knew that it was my choice to put myself out of my comfort zone and that I had the choice to stop at any time, but I was determined to push through it. A faster, more accurate, and healthier way of typing was close in my grasp.

While most would argue that stepping outside of one's comfort zone involves something along the lines of skydiving or bungee jumping, I believe that going outside of one's comfort zone simply involves choosing to do something that you would not normally do. I was certainly hesitant to completely change my way of thinking, but I was eager to gain a new perspective on things. It is human nature to stick to what we are used to; we are creatures of habit. However, stepping beyond our daily habits can lead us to gain appreciation for the small things. Since fifth grade I have been able to type at hyper-speed without even glancing at my keyboard. Switching to the Dvorak layout forced me to completely rewire my brain. I had to take a step back and think about what I was doing. From my brain to my fingers to the keys, I thought about every little action I made during the learning process. I was in a situation similar to learning how to walk and talk. Having completed the primary level of education and almost completed the secondary level, I rarely have had to learn something entirely new and foreign. Choosing to challenge my brain led me to a refreshing change in perspective. By simply rearranging my keyboard, I have stopped allowing myself to be defined by what I do everyday. I no longer consider myself a creature of habit. Rather, I am a creature of curiosity and discovery.