Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Different age group work in economical sector [9]

Helo friend. Honestly I have weaknesses in observing trend in task one, especially when the task serve table and require me to make comparisons. I have problem to add number, then making comparison and also which part of the trend I should mention.Another problem is lack of vocabularies, make me often do redundancy. My exam date nearer and i still have no confident in writing. Here I try to do.

The table below shows the in which sector of the economy different age groups were employed.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparisons where relevant
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The table compares the numbers of people in the three age groups which are employed in the particular sector of economy.

Overall, the number of people who work in each sector varied markedly, while the overall age groups show similar number of worker in law sector.

As per information, while health sector employed huge number of worker, the manufacturing sector stance as the highest numbers of economical sector employing the workforce. Next, under ten people, in each age group, work in the agriculture and catering sector, the least of people working in accountancy also shows the resemblance number. Retail and the other mentioned sector are likely to hire more young people than that of the older, while education and local government paid more mature people to work on their field.

A closer looked at the overall age group, while the variation employer in number working in the each sector, at least twelve people in the same group work in the two different sectors. In the 16-25 age groups such number shows in the manufacturing and health sector. Then, the twelve for middle age, under review, work in the local government and education also the twelve oldest workers are hired in the education and health sector.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Advertising increase tendency to buy unneeded thing [3]

Some people say that advertisement encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new product that may improve our lives. Which you agree?

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The power of advertisement influence shopping desire of people which sometimes unfit with their needs. Such power may follow bad effect for some people, while the critics argue that advertisement is an essential to inform customer about product contain. The two assumptions undeniably true, while I personally agree that the benefit of advertisement is far ought from their detrimental effect to the customer.

The persuasion involved in the advertisement increase people's desire to buy additional goods. Such case related, in the weekly event, massage service provider commonly participate in some spots in the shopping centre in order to attract customers. Then, sales promotion attaches the potential buyer and persuades them with sophisticated tools of advertisement for releasing the buyer's curiosity. As result, the customers are willing to try the massage while they actual needed is find a dictionary.

On the other hand, customer is benefited from the information include on the advertisement because become peruse about product sometimes such wasting time. A young mother who need to find suitable minerals, contains in milk, is helped by the flyer in front the milk product. Also, it is easier for her to compare one to another product which is suitable for baby need and also her budget. Also, the advertisement may bring a new horizon for the customer as noted some innovation they did. Thus, advertisement can be an educated media. Taking example from the advertisement of education software to introduce alphabetic words for baby under-five, not surprisingly young parent who know conventional way, alphabetic toys using, attract with such software.

Having said that while the advertisement not only harm people when they persuade to buy unneeded goods but also in other sides have advantages for people. While the advertisement sometimes hypnotized people to go further for their needs, I believe that the beneficial information included are essential for people's live.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Male graduate from Cullum university [9]

IELTS Task 1 : Male graduate from Cullum university

Helo friend,I cannot wait the beneficial advices from you all about this essay, thank you :DD
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The line chart illustrates a university report about the number of males graduate, from science faculty, in over sixteen years' period from 1995 to 2011.

Overall, the trend increases in the first half period although a decline occurs in the second half period.

The report of the line graph shows that 4 thousand male students graduated from the faculty of science in the Cullum University during a period of 1995. In the couple years, this trend increased slightly by 4.3 thousand before experienced a little dip to 4.1 thousand in 1999. Surprisingly, after a short dip period, the number of graduat males rebounded to almost twofold male scholars graduated from science faculty, this noted as the peak year.

A more closer, a downward about 1500 student over a-two years occurred between 2005 and 2007. Stance as the highest point by 7.5 thousand in 2005, the number of male student who graduated from Science faculty decreased gradually to just under 6 million in the year 2007. Since then onward, the trend leveled off by 6 thousand male graduating from the faculty of science Cullum University.

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Writing Feedback / IETS Task 1 : Propotion of Canadian graduates by gender [5]

Helow friend... For me, this writing was likely quite challenging. In this work, I wish all of you will give me beneficial advices. Thank you :D

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The graph gives information regarding gender in terms of Canadian graduated student in over a-15 year period from 1992 to 2007.

Overall, even though similar trends occur between males and females graduates, the gap between both figures widened during a period of time.

A series of data revealed that female figure increased slightly from 98 thousand to 103 thousand in 1994. While the trend experienced a decreased to 100 thousand between 1996 and 2000, the figures rocketed to more than two-fifth percent in the end of 2007.

Striking contrast with the female trend, male trend fluctuated steeply by under 80 thousand during the first half period. Appearing 70 thousand students graduated in 1992, climbed to 76 thousand in 1996 and fluctuated around 72 thousand in 2001. Since the fluctuation trend of males, it has risen substantially to more than 90 thousand male scholars past their education in Canada.

Interestingly, a more likely to be a combination of gender choose to study in Canada, the data depicts that female students are stance higher than that of male students.

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Writing Feedback / Wealthy nation shares to support poor countries at the solidarity among nations [5]

Hellow Friend ...
I force myself to do hand writing under 40 minutes, and this is the result. Obviously, I dissatisfied of my work because when I type I saw several mistakes. Even though this not good enough, at least for me, I do nothing edited in order to observe my ability related to test condition. I have you all willing to give me beneficial advices. Thank you

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the government of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

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It is undeniable that wealthy countries are required to help the difficulties in the poor country, while the critics think that the solution of the poor country problem should be tackled by the government itself. In this essay I am going to examine both vies

Wealthy nation shares to help poor countries at the solidarity among nations. It is seen as the nation willing to do it not as the strict responsible to solve all the nation problems entirely. Taking an example as England provides scholarship for international students especially who come from undeveloped countries. This such an effort to educate sample of inhabitants in order to develop their countries in the future. Moreover, diplomatic relationship can be stuck in the way of wealth countries help the third nations. In any case of United Nation encourage the amount of funding from wealthy countries to tackle hunger hazardous in Ethiopia. In this way, the relationship pattern is raised with well come and fro of this movement.

Sadly, sometimes poor countries should be responsible for providing solution of in the field of their limitation. The inevitable of this doing is facing in Timor Timur, an enlarging country of Indonesia. Hunger crisis occurs in this country after they separate with Indonesia and unfortunately the inhabitant problems have not yet get International funding at that moment. So, a headache of hunger problem is experienced by the government. On the other hand, Thailand ever experiences this problem as the production of national rice was far less among the consumption needed. Thus, hunger happens everywhere and effect of highly mortality rate at the moment. Therefore, government takes an diversification in the land crop for five years in order to increase the rice production. As result of this system, not only domestic consumption is completed but also the production sufficient to export among south-east Asian countries.

The aforementioned evidence examines that weather or not wealthy countries supply funding to poor countries to tackle problem occurs there, the government cannot be depended their nation problem from other hand international help. While the help usually comes as solidarity among nation, government of poor countries have to tackle action effectively as their responsibility of their people.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Australian weather broadcasting process [6]

Hellow Friend ...:DD
As my effort to conquer time, I wrote this essay for 18 minutes. Then, I have problem to find proper vocabularies while time pressure me. Please help me not only for task responsive, lexical resource, coherence-cohesion and grammatical range-and-accuracy but also please give me proper vocabularies to alter some clauses of my writing. Thank you ...

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The diagram shows a process of weather broadcaster which is broadcasted by the Australian Bureau of Meteorology

Overall, the given three sources are collected to broadcast in three types of media.

Turning to the details, the information comes from the space and the ocean are caught by satellite and drifting buoy while radar is provided to get the source in the ground. After that, the incoming information analyzed photos, screen and synoptic chart in order to prepare for the next process. Radar in the ground transfers the data into radar screen and synoptic chart, although satellite photos is available to forecast information coming from satellite, those of source come to a computer of Meteorology Bureau and ready to prepare.

A closer, the preparation of broadcast program combines those sources and then broadcast in term of kinds media. Radio broadcast the information by audio through the line, then recorded announcement tends to sound repetitively also prepared. Therefore, the information comes to television redaction to deliver visually in the news reader.

Interestingly, while the sources and the outcomes of information come from several part, the Australian Bureau of Meteorology uses one computer to prepare all of information come and fro in order to inform inhabitants about weather conditions.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : Student joining education by gender. [4]

Helow Friend, please correct my writing entirely :D
thank you
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The bar charts compare the number of male and female in terms of time study attendance during a period of time from 1970 to 1991.

Overall, the number of student who enrolled in the full-time education was far higher than part-time education's member.

A report by the male chart reveals that there was an increasing over 100 students in the part-time course over 20 year measurements. However, only 100 male enrolled onto such course in 1970. Standing by contrast from a series of female data illustrated that there was a dramatic increase by almost 200 students in the first 10 years. Since then, the figures leveled off in the following decades.

A closer look at the full-time education number of students, males made up 1000 student in the outset then felt into decline before gained 900 member's course in 1990. On the other hand, female who enrolled in full-time education showed a gradual increase. Appearing 700 students in 1970, the figures reach the top notch by 1100 members in 1990.

Interestingly, there was a consecutive increase in the male joining part-time education, while female engaging with full-time education escalated gradually.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Various genre of music ; Traditional more important that modern [6]

Hellow friend...
I wrote this essay in 40 minutes in hand writing. I allocate some minutes to do preparation then do write. Unfortunately, the time is up before I correct my work. Therefore I type my hand writing and hope get beneficial advices from you all. Thank you

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Present a written argument or case to an educated reader eith no specialist knowledge of the following topic:

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays ?

You should write at least 250 words.
Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.
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Throughout the world music is parts of people live. Obviously, the essential of music is chosen as people's primary need, while the others noted as a complement. However, traditional and modern music may reverse their position in terms of importance for influencing people.

People need music to boost their mood. As spiritful music is used in the morning menus, mood boosting will be increased. As result, happiness surrounds people in the following hours. The power of music also makes world more colourful. The noisy of sound occurring everywhere also contribute to advertising field become interesting, for example. Imagining deaf people's live, without sound it seems to be empty. On the other hand, psychologist noted music is an effective way to express people idea, known as catharsis. Catharsis is not only helpful for ordinary people to widespread their stress but also become an effective medium for depression patients ass music included in the theraphy.

Not surprisingly, modern music is viewed has more importance than that of traditional one as such music lack of conservative values. Also, simplicity is common identify in such types. For example, to sing a modern song ritual and ethnical ornament is unnecessary. The simplicity also occured in the way of sing which not allow performers to the strict rules. However, the traditional one bring some beneficial point which I think cannot be defeated by the former mentioned. Traditional music include life's value of the local culture as their identity. It is useful also as a learning media to the next generation. For instance, as I am child my father sing a local song beside my bed every night in order to teach me about the politeness.

Having said that, people need music as an effort to raise positivity or curing method for psychological sufferer. Therefore, while various of music taking an importance eachself. I believe that if each of them is used as suitable as the purpose, either traditional or modern will be beneficial in the human life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Adult educational survey report [15]

Hellloow Friends...
I wrote this task in 20 minutes, please kindly corrected mine, thank you
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The charts depict a report of an educational survey in terms of why they study and whether the share of educational fee should be shared.

Overall, the majority of adults tend to study due to their interest in subject while two fifth adult think that educational course fee should be shared individually.

Turning to the details, adult think that 25 percent of educational fee should be shared by the taxpayer. However, other 35 percent of educational fee is the responsible of employer.

Move onto the pie chart, there is the highest percentage by 40 percent adult study aims due to their subject's interest, while the following aim to gain qualification by 22 percent adult. However, purposing in ability to change job come 12 percent, and is followed by the least 9 percent adult study to meet people.

Interestingly, while the bar chart shows the variety percentage, the resemblance percentage by 20 percent adults either enjoying study process or due to improve prospects of promotion is occurred.

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