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Posts by Vns9x
Name: Shon Do
Joined: Sep 23, 2014
Last Post: Jul 5, 2015
Threads: 102
Posts: 230  
From: Russia
School: Gymnaisym 123

Displayed posts: 332 / page 7 of 9
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Vns9x   
Oct 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / In personal live, we have some responsibilities towards other people (TOEFL) [5]

Firstly, well done!
secondly, I think you need shorten your essay a litlle bit. In other words, attempt merging some ideas if it is close. For instance, in this current essay you could combine both first and second paragraphs which are associated with duties. It will show the rater how creative you are without prolonging your schemes.
Vns9x   
Oct 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Robots will play a crucial role in 21 first century [2]

The 21st century has begun. What changes do you think this new century will bring? Use examples and details in your answer.

21st century is a new era of people lives. This century provides us with lots of utility such as robots. People will rely more on robots than themselves, because it is convenient and in parallel helpful. Therefore, robots will be the most considerable changes of 21st century.

It is considered to be a pivotal century. Since, the majority of country began to work on robots. In fact, robots can clean our room for us or they can even play cards with us and so on. Eventually, robots will be our best friend. In other words, it can substitute human. However, due to this contemporary technology. People in this century will be more reserved. Since, there is no point to obtain a real human's friend anymore. For the reason that, human can betray and treat you badly and nonetheless they are greedy. Now, imagine if you will have a robot friend. Clearly, he will stay loyal to you no matter what happens. He will not judge your appearance like the majority of people do. Moreover, he can facilitate your housework. Even though, robot is still robot, but at this speed of innovating new technologies , soon enough human will be replaced by robots. They can work effectively in any circumstance and they do not ask for a favor. Moreover, they do not need any vacation. Robots will obey your order without any hesitation. Clearly, having robots as workers is more beneficial.

Unfortunately, relying on robot is not the best solution. Since, as human they can also make mistakes. After all, conversing with robots is quite boring. There will always be something in human that robot cannot possess. To clarify it, it can be love. Clearly, you will not be able to feel the true love or excitement living with robots. For the reason that, it is a machine made by human themselves.

It is because of the aforementioned reasons that I have a strong belief that robots will play a crucial role in 21 first century. Even though, it has some drawbacks utilizing robots.
Vns9x   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'Airplanes became the most outstanding vehicle' - Automobiles or Bicycles or Airplanes? [3]

Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people's lives.
1. Automobiles 2. Bicycles 3. Airplanes
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Airplanes became the most outstanding vehicle right after it first released due to its velocity. Furthermore, it provides us and our country with an extra protection. Therefore, I have a strong belief that airplane has completely changed our life.

In the past people cannot travel regularly as people these days. Obviously, it is because they do not have airplanes or cars or bicycles and so on. The majority of people of the past used to visit to another country by a typical ship. It was really inconvenient because the ships that day were not as huge as nowadays. Therefore, you could not bring with yourself lots of items or military weapons such as tanks or helicopters etc. Furthermore, if you will be travelling by ships, then it would require from tremendous amount of time. However, after innovation of airplanes. It altered everyone's life. For the reason that, it is quite huge and it can contains lots of people and their cases, but most importantly, it is really fast. By using airplanes, people these days can travel around the world for an insignificant amount of time. They can visit their relatives which locate at the end of the map in no time. Furthermore, it benefits many people. Since, there are numerous people who desire to sample all the tastes of this world by stepping on the new land. Obviously, utilizing airplanes is best method for it.

In terms of military, it increased the power of your country. By having it , airplanes can strengthen your military power, because it can carry massive soldiers and weapons. Consequently, people will feel secure if their country has such miracle thing. They can safely spend their life with no worries. Imagine if your country will have military's airplanes. Clearly, it will increase our reputation of military status in this world. Thus, other countries will most likely consider your country is not weak enough to invade. Subsequently, your citizens will be safe and sound.

It is because of the aforementioned reasons that I firmly believe that airplanes have changed humans life. Since, it is convenient and it is an our additional protection from invaders.
Vns9x   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Students usually obtain lots of assignments from the professor. It can waste a large amount of time. [2]

should students have part-time jobs while studying? Exampes and reasons to support your answer

Works can be really tough for many people. In fact, when it comes to students, work can reduce their performance in university or college. Furthermore, money can alter the path that students are walking on which is studying. Therefore, I reinforce the community which disagrees that students should work.

Students usually obtain lots of assignments from the professor. It can waste from them a large amount of time. Since, those tasks are not one day thing. Thus, It consumes from students lots energy or efforts and time to finalize it in a correct way. Moreover, it might turn out that they did something incorrectly. Subsequently, there is a possible that they will have to redo their tasks. However, that situation does not often emerge. Now, imagine yourself if students will have a work. Obviously, it is an additional burden to shoulder. Therefore. students will always be exhausted in class. They will not perform well in classes. Hence, their comprehension of new information will be diminished. Even though, it really depends on the person because people have different stamina. In fact, many people affirm that they can study ,and in, parallel , working. However, most of them do not want to confess that works make the huge impact on their studies' outcome.

Furthermore, money will be the only thing in their mind. Since, when people work, then the addiction to money will appear. They want to acquire money more and more. In other words, humans are greedy creatures and it is inevitable to possess that problem. As time goes by, the likelihood that students will quit studying and go to work is quite high. Since, many things can happen such as failing the test or an pivotal exam. Students can dismay and give up after those pressures, Again, this does not apply to everyone, because people in this world have a variety of perspectives and points of view.

It is because of the aforementioned reasons that I firmly disagree that students should have a work while studying. For the reasons that, it will affect badly on students' result in colleague or university. Moreover, it can lead students toward stepping on the wrong path.
Vns9x   
Oct 18, 2014
Undergraduate / 'not wasting lot of time attending classes' - I support of building a new high school near our home [4]

It has recently been announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support oppose this plan? Why?

Nowadays, education plays a pivotal role , when it comes to children and the rest of human beings. Furthermore, most of the kids have trouble with time management. Since, they tend to stay awake late at night and come late to classes. Furthermore, the sleeping process is really important for kids. Subsequently, having a high school nearby is beneficial because it can solve all above-mentioned problems. Therefore, I am joining the community in constructing a new high school.

Children are really bad at scheduling themselves. In fact, the majority of them adore to play online computer games or communicate with their friends through facebook at night and so on. Consequently, most of them have a tendency to late on classes. Obviously, it is an advantage for them to have a high school nearby. In addition, they can have more time to sleep.

In terms of sleeping, it is quite crucial for children. Sleeping process can make a huge impact on their learning process and its outcome. Since, without a real sleep, then you cannot comprehend all the knowledge that are given to you because of the sleepless. Moreover, it can cause badly on children health. For the reason that, if you will not have enough sleep continuously, then your overall performance in any aspect of your life will be diminishing little by little. Imagine, if you will be at school while you are sleepy. Your likely choice is going to be sleeping at the classes. Hence, how can you expect a good result from that action?. Even, if you will attempt to study as you usually do. However, your body will constantly remind you that you did not have a sufficient sleep last night. Thus, It will keep notifying you, until you satisfy your body needs.

It is because of the aforementioned reason that I firmly support of constructing a new high school. Since, it can facilitate children's timetable. Specifically, that construction will provide children with more sleep. In fact, sleeping is a significant process for any children alive.
Vns9x   
Oct 17, 2014
Undergraduate / Vacation should be memorable and meaningful, hence it need to be longer rather than short one. [4]

Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Some people believe that students should be given one long vacation each year. Others believe that students should have several short vacations throughout the year. Which viewpoint do you agree with?Students these days would rather spend time on long vacation because vacation is all about memories and relishing external facts. That is why, I am joining the other community members in having a long vacation.

Vacation is the time when people want to rest after a long day of hard work. It can be anything such as honeymoon or just a simple voyage. The majority of people consider that their vacation must be meaningful and memorable, because it is going to be a really boring vacation without those feelings. Therefore, the only vacation that can satisfy people needs is a long one. By way of illustration, imagine yourself visiting many countries around the world. Obviously, you will be taking numerous pictures. Moreover, you will obtain lots additional knowledge that might be useful in any moment. You will encounter a variety of people from different ethnicities. Conversing with them in their language. Discovering many types of food and how does it taste. All those aforementioned experiences are only obtainable if you have a long vacation. In fact, short vacation cannot cover all your satisfaction up.

Relishing the real vacation is the essential part of our life. You cannot acquire it by having some short-terms vacations. A short vacation can only give you the opportunity visiting your grandparents' cottage or staying at home playing computer games and so on. It does not contain something outstanding. It is quite monotone. Surely, having a short vacation is not the case for people who want to enjoy their break time. To clarify it, envision yourself possessing one week's vacation. Undoubtedly, what can you do with that one week? I assume you will ether decide to stay at home or just basically visiting some place nearby. It applies mostly on every single student.

It is because of the aforementioned reasons that I firmly accredit having a long vacation is better for students. A proper vacation must be memorable and meaningful. Hence, it should be a long vacation instead of a short vacation.

Please check my essay thoroughly ;D thanks for attentions
Vns9x   
Oct 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / Factory and its aftermaths [8]

vangiespen, thanks for advice but is is okay to make some information up or to lie. I mean would TOEFL check thoroughly the information that i wrote?

For instance, The Pan Pacific Electric and Gas Company
Vns9x   
Oct 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / Pride. These days, antiques became the most popular thing in Cambodia [2]

If you were asked to send one thing representing your country to an international exhibition, what would you choose? Why? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

These days, antique became the most popular thing in Cambodia. Numerous people want to decode the information on the antique. More than that, it is not that common to see such subtle image on the antique. As analyzed above, antique is my selection.

Cambodia is an ancient country. It has numerous historical places with lots remnants left from a variety of wars such as Vietnamese wars and Chinese wars. Although, we did not managed to truly win any war. However, at least, we obtained our independence which is really pivotal for any country and their citizens. There are countless things to unearth such as treasures, ancient maps, antiques in Cambodia. Since, our kings hid those things in a different location that is really challenging to find. Antique is one of many things. In fact, our antiques are quite sophisticated. It can draw attention from any human being because of its shape and picturesque image. It is impossible to find something similar to it. Consequently, it is really unique and unusual.

Moreover, every antique's image contains lots of profound implications. In other words, it is waiting for you to encode it. Since, it is written in an extremely old language. Many people attempted to decode all the information that is on the antique by searching information from different sources. However, non of them succeed because it is really complex and every year there is a new interpretation about it. I firmly believe that there will not be anyone who can decode it in the near future.

By way of conclusion based on the arguments explored above. If had the opportunity to choose one thing to represent our country in an international exhibition. Subsequently, our antique is my choice. For the reason that it has peculiar picture on the antique. Furthermore, it is still a mystery for us due to its ancient language.
Vns9x   
Oct 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / Life is a complex thing. Every single second is our lesson as well as experience. [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

There are some situations when you consider it out of your league. However, eventually you will encounter the similar problem. Therefore, those experiences are going to be your teacher. That is why, this is a stance that I support.

Life is a complex thing. Since, it contains numerous experiences, which you even have never thought about it before. Furthermore, It is inevitable to confront with that. Although, many people attempted to escape from their destiny. However, as time goes by, that problem will emerge, but just in a different ways and manners. Every single second is our lesson as well as experiences. Those seconds teach you how precious is every single second. Therefore, it will teach you how to schedule yourself properly. Also, it teaches how fast it can pass by. The same apply to experiences. To clarify it, imagine yourself failing the complicated biology exam. You will dismay on the first time. However, ultimately, you will decide to allot more time on it for the forthcoming biology exam. Let is assume that you managed to pass the exam. Then, after a few months, your parent inform you that you are going to take Toefl. After delving it, you realize that most of the reading passages are associated with the Biology. Hence, studying biology was the right decision. In case, you failed the biology exam again. Your likelihood of passing toefl exam will diminish. Thus, it is also going to be a lesson for you that you should thoroughly study every single subject in your school or in university. In addition, envision yourself playing computer games all day. Obviously, you will type really fast compare to those who do not utilize keyboard that much. Clearly, you will have an advantage in toefl . As a result, this is the lesson for whom who is weak in typing

By way of conclusion based on the arguments explored above. I completely agree with the statement that the majority of our difficult experiences in our life are for the best for our future.

this my old essay i forgot to upload. Any criticisms would be helpful:D
Vns9x   
Oct 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / Factory and its aftermaths [8]

vangiespen, would you mind telling me any tips to improve the way i express?:D
Vns9x   
Oct 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / Factory and its aftermaths [8]

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

Building factories near the place where live by numerous people has lots of disadvantages and non-advantages. Since, we will have experience the loudest noises. Furthermore, it tends to make our health worse. That is why, this is a stance that I support.

Factories are one of many parts of causing global warming and contaminated airs and water or surroundings. Moreover, it can lead people and their kids who dwell nearby toward numerous diseases or such as cancers and so on. For the reason that, factories produce lots of emissions which are contain a variety types of chemical substance. Therefore, people who reside around the factories and the future generations are in some serious danger.
Vns9x   
Oct 14, 2014
Undergraduate / I wasn't going to give up this time. CommonApp essay on my 30lb weight loss. [4]

You could remove some sentences in your introduction.
By saying, Asthma follows me since i was a small kid. Even though, it was pretty obvious that my physical performance was obstructed by my lung , however i did not want confess that i am suffering. Since, if i admit, then i will have to go to see the doctor and that was my biggest fear.
Vns9x   
Oct 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / Games are pivotal for adults, they broaden their mind and can reduce stresses [2]

Do you agree that games also important for adults. use specific details and examples/

Whenever it comes to games, the majority of people will consider it for children. However, I accredit that games can improve your concept. Furthermore, it can help you to get rid of those useless stresses. That is why, this is a stance that I support.

There are variety type of games. It can be arcade, action, on just simply communication. Those can help adults people to improve their concept and strategy. By way of illustration, envision yourself playing chest. After all, it is game. However, you have to brainstorm in order to defeat the opposite player. Subsequently, those tactics that you have used can also apply on war's strategy. Since, if you need to win, then you have to place your soldiers in the right position. Unfortunately, these days, there are not many games which can benefit you that much. Since, nowadays' games tend to be violent and cruel with some explicit scenes. Despite this possibility, I believe that the majority of adults will be wise enough to opt the exact game to entertain.

Moreover, games , music, movies are utility for people to relax or relieved from their daily stress. Obviously, people from different walks of life can feel angry or stressed. Therefore, games can help them to relieved those stresses. People cannot work with stresses because the outcome going to be insignificant. Even though, it is possible to collaborate with those feelings, but you eventually will have to emit it off. It is inevitable. To clarify it, you are tired of your daily tasks, then games will be the tool for you to temporarily forget about your works and relish the virtual life. Sadly, it has numerous side effects such as addiction, However, I believe that if you know how to schedule and organize your life, then it will not going to be a problem for you.

By way of conclusion based on the arguments above. I have a strong belief that games are pivotal for adults. For the reason that it helps adults to broaden their mind. Nevertheless, games can reduce stresses for adults.
Vns9x   
Oct 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / The reading and lecture are discuss the topic of professor who appears on television; contrast essay [2]

In terms of prompt,I do not have the it. Since it is from a certain genuine program. Therefore, i could not paste it here!

However, i would like to see some critical advice;D

The reading and lecture are discuss the topic of professor who appears on television. The professor casts on several doubt key beliefs about it as they are presented in the reading passage.

To begin with, the professor explains the cons of being a professor on the Tv. According to her, other professors might not trust the professor who emerges on Tv anymore, since they consider it an amusement. Therefore, that professor mignt not get invited to the pivotal discussion abd so on. This directly challenges the assertion in the reading passage that professor obtains benefits from appearing on Tv.

Secondly, the professor explains how can it affect to students and the university, She claims that it will take lots of time appearing on Tv, because the professor will have to do make-up, priming the materials e.t.c. Consequently, it will make a terrible impact on students and universities. Again, this appears to be a contradiction to the information that stated in the reading passage, which asserts that universities will get benefits from that.

Thirdly, the professor considers the materials that are going to be shown is not an academic knowledge. After all this is an Tv show not a lesson. Hence, the argument in the reading passage that says people will gain some certain knowledge from the professor's show is flawed
Vns9x   
Oct 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS; learning of job skills should be the most important function of Universities [2]

Well, First of all, you mentioned school in the first paragraph, however the statement was about universities. Consequently, it was a little confusing.
Secondly, it is okay to use only her or his. Do not dare to type this way his/her
that ,,firstly'' is not necessary since you do not have the second reason.
Vns9x   
Oct 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / University must wisely allot money on sport activities and libraries because those all are essential [4]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Equaling the finance of libraries and sport activities is necessary because both of them are important. Furthermore, it will make a huge impact on the university's reputation. That is why, this is a stance that I strongly support.

When it comes to expense. University must balance their expense for both things, since those things are essential for any students. Many students who need to do assignments or just simply homework must experience a comfortable environment in the library to obtain the best outcome . In terms of sport activities, numerous students are suffering from obesity or they want to stay fit and healthy.

Secondly, he role of university is to entice as many students from different walks of life . Thus, if there will be lots complains about the biasness and so on. It is going to be really challenging for many universities to obtain students. Even though, it does not apply to every single university on this planet because they are many universities that already have a sufficient amount of prestige. However, it is better to organize your university properly. After all, those things are equally pivotal. Ultimately, it is inevitable to escape from improving those things.

By way of conclusion based on the arguments explored above. I have a strong belief that university must reasonably allot money on both things because those all are essential. Moreover, it will reinforce the university to acquire more and more students.
Vns9x   
Oct 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: constructing public transportation systems in cities is good? [9]

Firstly, congratulate you showed variety of useful knowledge about this topic.

Secondly, try to provide with some specific daily example. For instance, in your second body paragraph you could add how uncomfortable and inconvenient is the rush hour. Since, there are numerous congestions or traffic jams, or almost impossible to walk on the street properly. Therefore, you can late to your work, miss some crucial appointments, funerals and so on.

That is why public transportation is so important. Imagine yourself, if there will be no cars or private vehicles. There will only buses subways taxis, then it will facilitate the road. In other words, it will make the government easier to balance buses and taxis and so on.

In terms of the third, you could say global warming or polluted airs are the issues that the government should take care of. Public transportation is the thing that can diminish the pollution or contaminated air. Hence, enticing people to use it is useful for both our world and people who live in it is a wise decision to consider.

And yes do not forget to point out how it can reduce the amount of fuels or petrols government can waste. Good luck!
Vns9x   
Oct 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / My new neighbor is a restaurant [4]

Do not talk about yourself that much attempt to write it in general way. In other words, jot down something more about how people around the restaurant can suffer from it.
Vns9x   
Oct 10, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'kill two birds with one stone' - Public transportation vs roads [3]

Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

It is a controversial topic since it really depends upon the country. However, I consider improving public transportation is more pivotal because many people have trouble of buying for himself a car. Also, it is the perfect opportunity for the government balancing their citizen's health. Hence, improving public transportation is a stance that I firmly support.

These days more and more people begin to economize as much as possible. They begin to rely more on public transportation more than their own private vehicle for the reason that it is obviously cheaper. Moreover, not many people can afford themselves a care. Since, there are numerous people who are still underprivileged. By way of an illustration, imagine yourself being a typical student. Usually , students tend to go by public transportation in order to reach their destination because they do not have money. It can also apply on many people such as workers, farmers and so on. Moreover, if there are less private cars on the road then it can annihilate many problems such as congestion and traffic jams.

Furthermore, obesity became a huge problem for us. It is perfectly understandable since utilizing private vehicle can economize your time. However, everything has its own side effects and one of them is aforementioned. Therefore, if the government will enhance the public transportation especially the rapidity and availability, then people will commence to rely on it more. In terms of health, people will have to go to the bus stop. Hence, it is going to be their additional exercise to obtain better health. For instance, if the public transportation is improved then numerous people will quit using their private vehicle, since it is cheap and fast.

By way of a conclusion based on the arguments explored above. I have a strong belief that improving public transportation is imperative because it will lead people to a more healthy life. Moreover, it will help numerous people who cannot purchase for oneself a car. In other words, we will kill two birds with one stone.

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