Undergraduate / Radiography Admission essay - important piece in the healthcare system [2]

Hi :) Nice job on your essay, you are a very good writer. I think that you have done well presenting yourself as a mature individual with solid plans for the future. There are specific things that the college wants to see in an admissions essay: That you are a person with a plan, a career plan specifically (which can revolve around your other interests and hobbies), also they want to know how college will help you achieve that plan, tell them your short term and long term goals, and how college will help you reach your goals. Saying this, you have done all of these things in your essay, so that is pretty awesome! Impressive. If I could suggest anything, I would say double check your wording, because some sentences sound a bit wordy, find a way to be more concise, because it makes the paper "flow" better. that's pretty easy to do :) Good luck in school.

Undergraduate / Responsibility is something I have had to face my whole life - UF admissions essay [6]

Great job with your paper :) I think that you have done well with this. I would re-read it and see if you can make it a bit less "wordy" I picked out a few lines that could use some adjustments. these are some minor suggestions, in case you want to change your wording. I wish you the best in school :)

Faced with the challenge of having a baby, my mom was able to graduate high school, have a job, and stillalways provide for me.

She was and still is a hardworking parent,and haswho created the foundation for me as a person to strive for my bestsuccess, no matter how hardchallenging life may seem to be.

Seeing how hard my mom worked,My mother's work ethicmade me seetaught me that I am now have aresponsible to getobtain the best possible education.I can, aThis was a luxury that my parents did not have, so that I canam determined to make them proud of all of their hard work and sacrifice.

Undergraduate / 'Bangor airport and handshakes' - College Admission Essay [2]

You have a great essay! Nice work, very descriptive. You may want to explore ways to make the introduction a little more colorful, spruce it up with some tidbits of description. I made a few suggestions on grammar adjustments, these are just minor things. Good luck in school :)

As soon as he started to approach me, I immediately tried to look invested atin the book in my lap.

However, he soon introduced himself, asked a few questions, and was curious about the marine biology camp I justrecently attended.

After these introductions(we became acquainted?) , the man said howtold me that he attended college in Maine and never left.

After speaking for an extraordinarily long time with no chance of disappearing, he asked if I wanted to stand on a receiving line to greet two hundred and fifty soldiers coming home from Afghanistan.

This sentence is too long, re-word this or split it up into 2 sentences.

Undergraduate / 'Autistic kids' vs. 'Sports injuries' - common app essay [3]

First of all, you are a fabulous writer! Excellent essays, in my opinion :) You have a confident, mature, and descriptive style of writing that really shows your personality. I love both essays, so if I had to chose which one to use for your application, I would chose the first essay. I try to imagine myself as an admissions official who is reading this, and the first essay is a bit more "eye-catching". Also, the essay has a "story" format that getts your attention, then keeps you interested til the end. It is touching... One thing that you may want to change is when you say "...to be able to help them live as close to a normal life as possible is one of my proudest accomplishments." I think that you should omit the phrase "normal life" and try something else... maybe say "help them live their life to the fullest, or the most successful life", or something like that. I wish you lots of luck in school, any college would be lucky to have you as a student :)

Student Talk / 'Composing mail' - written skill problem [12]

Hello. We can help you edit anything you have written, even if it is something small or short. Please post anything you need corrected or reread, there are many people here who love to help :)

Writing Feedback / Topic : The effect of the illiteracy [3]

Hi :) I can edit the first few paragraphs for you, these are some ideas to improve your grammar.

No government wants to have a high number of illiterate people in their country. In fact, the morehigher the rate of illiteracy,there are, the moreslower the country does notwill develop.well.BecauseIlliteracy has an impact on many sectors of a country in terms of causingincluding crime and developement of the nation.

The first effect of illiteracy is that it makes the country develop slowly. A large sum of money ingreat amount of national fundingof the nationwill have to support jobless people instead of investing in science or modern technology. The illiterate have to live on the social welfare scheme. (Not necessarily, some jobs do not require written skills)As a result of illiteracy,P eople find it so difficult to haveobtain a job without the ability to read or understand simple documents. Therefore, the illiterates become a burden ofto society,which causes to make the nation to be poor.

Scholarship / Family's attention and children behavior - scholarship essay [8]

Hi :) I can help you with your grammar, here are some suggestions.

Recently, Teenage violence has become more popularprevalent.in the recently day.This problem is rooted inThe social and emotional learning.participate at this problem. Some psychologists claim that thisthese skills can be learned from parents and teachers. I agree with this opinion, although we know that there are many contributing factors to violence.beside it in causing this case.I will explain from two viewpoint in this essay.There are two apparent viewpoints that explore the causes of youth violence.

Firstly,P arents are very close with their children. They act as an example for theother members of the family.member.HowA parent's behavior will determine the child's growth childhood in the future. TheA fully attentive and prosperous family will produceaffect the children's behavior in an appropriate way. It means that a student whichwho has a poor family will behave different withthan those in a rich family. (This is not a very supportive reason for your argument) As we know,that the financial problemsisone of theshould beconsidered a contributing factor to violence.aspect.

Undergraduate / 'Lessons from my friend' - 12TH GRADE COLLEGE ESSAY CHECK [7]

Hi :) I have some suggestions.

Sometimes, the best friends that leave a lasting impact on our lives aren't justare not only the ones who we gossip with andgo with us toattend parties with us,and are considered our gossip buddies , but the ones that we confidetrust with our innermost secrets and emotions.in. They are the ones we run to for advice when our parents don't understand, the ones we laugh with when we need a break from the day-to-day challenges, and the ones we promise that we'll be at each others'future weddings.in the near future. They are the ones that we consider ourto be like siblings. My best friend is thea guy who's heart is filled with love. He is a boy full of enthusiasm. Through his simple and easy thoughts, he has become my role model in many ways. He has made me come to understand thea sense of responsibility, careempathy for others, and most importantly, acceptance.

Undergraduate / MIT places great value in freedom, daring and creativity! Which department /program ? [3]

Hi :) I think that if you have such a short word limit that you may want to omit the first sentence. That would make more room in your essay to truly answer the question. I think what you wrote in the beginning is better left for a longer application essay. I would def stick to the point and give a few really good reasons, and expand on this part: "I love to take things apart and see the way they work, and I relish the difficulty of putting them back together" You also need to correct your grammar before submission. If you make any adjustments, feel free to post it on this thread, we are here to help you :) Good luck in school.

Writing Feedback / Scandals are useful - they stir up all people in any level of classification [2]

I can help you :) I found a few sentences that need some editing.

I strongly support the assertion that scandals are useful, because they stir up all people inon any level of society.and education classification.

MoreoverS candals have some special properties which make them more useful than when a speaker or reformer wants to reveal such a wrong-doing, such as their high-speed spreading, subjects and persons which scandals are about, and the government responsibility about them.

This sentence is long and a bit confusing.

First of all,Scandalarespreads between different people as quickly,as possible, and nobody can stop the rumors from traveling people topeople's discussions.TheyScandal does not need any resourcesmedia sources such as T.V. or billboards and does not need anyone to support or advocacy.them.

Graduate / Statement of purpose : Exploration Geophysics graduate program [2]

Nice job! I think there is little correction to be made to your paper. I picked out a few minor things that you may want to change :)

Geophysicsaffordswould give me suchthe opportunity, being anto learn the exciting combination of physics and the earth sciences.

It is even more fascinating because it not only does it involve calculations, but it also shows the applicability ofhow these calculations are applied in obtaining useful information from the earth and its environment.

My undergraduate study in Applied Geophysics hasstudies have given me a thorough exposure to the fundamentals that I need to pursue a career along thein Geophysics.

Apart from the theoretical courses such as Gravity, Magnetics, Seismic method amongst others, we were also exposed to anumbermultitude of fieldwork in different parts of Nigeria.

I was thrilled to learn new skills, which somehow left me yearning to getfor a deeper understanding of reservoir characterization as a whole.

I also participated in G&G (Geological and Geophysical) workshops/presentation to keep abreastcurrent with new innovations in the oil & gas industry.

After graduation, I had the pleasure of working in the Upstream Investment Management arm of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation for a period of one year, where I had the opportunity to better appreciate seismic acquisition, processing and interpretation and well data amongst others.

This sentence is too long.

I have also beenhad the privilege to work on a brief internship with CGGVeritas, a processing company, where I was taken through the basic processing sequence for seismic data.

Graduate / FRP composites for designing structures ; SoP-Structural Engineering [2]

Oh my goodness, you have so much written about your work and career experience! Amazing! Nothing really stands out to me as writing that wastes space or is meaningless. Everything you wrote is quality and important. I found a few minor things that you may want to change :)

However I did covermake it up in the re-exam schedule and didn't let it affect my graduating year.

Technical papers that went through in my initial phase in IISc, gave me an insight into the prominent research work related to my research subjects and most importantly taught me how to systematically go about doing a particular research.

This sentence is too long.

This was a one of kind, learning experience about the construction of hydro-structures.

All of these experiences spanning over the wide panorama of the civil engineering industry has given me the much-needed practical industrial exposure to form an integral part of the every successful civil engineering.as of today.

Another too-long sentence.

Writing Feedback / ESSAY ON ALCOHOL - lowered or not? [3]

Hi :) I can make a few suggestions:

All United States citizen'sof legal age or not, know that the legal drinking age for alcohol is twenty-one. Some maypeople debate the subject ofwhether or notthe age eighteen being the preferred minimum for alcohol consumption.limit should be decreased to eighteen.

Being considered an adult at eighteen one should have the right to enjoy a glass of wine or champagne once in a while.
This is confusing, if this is the basis for your argument, you need to strengthen this statement. You mean to say "In my opinion, an individual becomes adult when they turn 18, and they should be permitted to have alcohol."

Some mature faster than others and know when enough is enough.
This is not a supportive reason for your argument.

If an eighteen year old has the right to vote, buy cigarettes, and risk their lives in the army, why not grant them the right to drink?them?

Good point.

How is a fourthree -year difference in age going to decide whether alcohol is allowed in ones system. Eighteen year olds have many rights, just like every other person in the world. teens have their rights as well.If someone has the opportunity toAn eighteen year old can place their opinion in a election and vote, that is a major responsiblity . Be able to buy as many packs of cigarettes a day, that involves maturity. Most of all,they risk their lives and fight for the nation,be and are able to hold a gun and kill another human being why not give them the privilege to consume alcohol?

You are writing too many sentences as questions. It is distracting me from understanding the true reasons you mean to explain.

Undergraduate / BFA Graphic Design; I received my Associates Degree in Music and Video Business [2]

Hi :) I have a few suggestions

From the time I received my Associates Degree in Music and Video Business I have had a passion for the arts.
You could switch this around: "I have had a passion for the arts ever since I received my Associates Degree in Music and Video Business."

I also think you should reconsider saying it in the way you did, because it could be perceived as: "I never had a passion until after I got my degree..."

Mostly music related but anything creative in general has always had the ability to catch my attention.
Maybe say this:
Anything creative will catch my attention, especially if it is related to music

To meO ne of the most exciting ways to express that creative part of my soul is with print as it pertains to brand management.

I have spent most of my professional life dealing with professionsworking on problems that required technical computer skills.

There is no doubt thatM y dreamideal job would be in brand management, and if I could only choose onethe companythat I most want to work for after graduation it would definitely be (Famous Design Firm).

Undergraduate / 'Operation on human heart' - Meaningful event - affect your college experience? [3]

Hi :) I have some suggestions.

Seeing theAs I watched the surgeon operate on thisa human heart right before my eyes sparked something in me. TheMy desire to learn more about the human body haswas ignited. This revelation has ledwas the catalyst to my ever-growing interest in human anatomy, physiology, and all sciences alike. Watching my father operate the anesthesia machines while I leaned over thisan anesthetized body was probably one of the most captivating experiences I've ever witnessed. I know that my strongest subjects aremy natural talents are in math and science, but experiencing what goes on in the operating room has revealed to me what I can really utilize my skills for.

Both of m y grandparents, both are pediatricians.gave birth to my aunt, uncle, and father.

Some other skills I learned on this program were team-building skills, quick problem-solving skills, and skills that are needed to help build a better relationship with my surrounding peers.

You say "skills" too many times in this sentence, it becomes repetitive.

I think you answer the questions quite well. You would be a great contribution to any college! Good luck in school :)

Writing Feedback / Pets should be treated as family members or not? 'pets are also live creatures' [5]

I think you have done a fair job with your essay. The ways you could improve this paper is to be more clear with your reasons for the argument. Your paper is based on the fact that animals are to be treated as if they are family. Reason why: animals have emotions and feelings, and when they are treated as a pet, they are happiest. The relationship between pet and owner/family is interdependent. The pet needs the owner and the owner needs the pet. Try to state reasons for these things one by one, they don't need lots of explaining, just be straightforward. An animal that is not treated like family is not a very good pet, and the family should not keep a pet if they won't give it the best care possible. Explain ideal ways that a true family could care for their pet. Good luck :) Comment if you need anymore help.

Scholarship / VCU Page 87 essay - "Fashion Show" [2]

Hi :) I can read you essay and make some suggestions.

That was the moment when everything I had struggled through, everything that had torn me down yet built me up, and everything that had amplified my basin of knowledge came together within my heart. It intermingled into a ball of taut emotion, and exploded.

So, from my perspective, in the first few sentences you are looking back on the experience as if it was in the past. Then, you switch to present tense. Can you consider another word instead of "exploded"?

The moment when the lights dimmed, the moment when the song started its slow and captivating melody, the moment when the first model took a step out with her left foot onto the runway, time stopped at that moment for everything in my life to come together within me to burst into the most spectacular rush of adrenaline and euphoria.

This sentence is too long, and you have many wonderful thoughts that kind of get lost in the mix, you should make 2 sentences out of this really long one. Also, the way you keep saying "moment" over and over gets repetitive, maybe you should change that.

But it was still exciting and so much fun.
You could improve on this sentence with some fancier wording.

Some of them came up to congratulate me foron the success of theshow's success, and we discussed my ideas behind some of the outfits, as well as tips on how to improve. I thanked them for their show ofsharing their expertise, and Imoved toconversed with my other guests.

Nice job with your paper, I liked reading it. Good luck in school :)

Undergraduate / Certainty is what matters. stanford essay. [7]

Hi, I have some suggestions for things you may want to change, your essay is great, so there are just some ideas in case you want to change something :)

But guess what...
I think that at some points in your essay you have phrases that don't quite sound professional, that they sound like you are just chatting with someone. Keep in mind always that admissions is reading this and you are writing with your best grammar possible. Be sure to show them how you have great talent in writing :)

Writing Feedback / GRE ISSUE; TOURISM WILL BECOME OBSOLETE DUE TO TELEVISION & WORLDWIDE COMPUTER [2]

Television and world wide computer connections arethe greatesta great boon to users .

ComputerThe internet connects us to the world within no timeinstantlyand it enables us to access different places,data,etc.and information.

Television too, is another sourceresource for theaccessingof idyllic places .They make us realize how actually the place is?TV displays beautiful pictures and stories about foreign countries and travel destinations.AndThis makes us realize that the place is very beautifulattractive,and the most important thing is that, access to all this places is achievedwhich we can see without spending colossalmuch money.

Writing Feedback / Healthy Lives for Plainsville residents - GRE [2]

The perspetive of the vice president of Nature's way to expand the business by opening stores of food and other health related product in the area where the residents are highly concerned with health.

This sentence is long and hard to understand. You could say: "From the Vice President's perspective, expanding the business of Nature's way would entail opening more health related stores. These stores would be opened in a community that is highly concerned with health."

The plan was madeB ased on the previous experience,of their store where they earned a profit in health conscious areas.However, onUpon analysing the entire argument from all perspectives, one can identify the loop holes and flaws that make the argument weak.

I feel that you need to be more specific with what you mean by "the argument" (the argument= the plan, right?)

These flaws are the result of vague assumptions and fact that have been presented as as evidence in support of the argument's claims.in the argument.

In the memorandum, the future plan was based on the profit earned by their stores'in their previous experience.was a rife.

Writing Feedback / 'Left to be Forgotten' Short story. Narrative about toy raccoon for english 10 CP [2]

NowCurrently , we most of us live in the attic.

We got moved to the attic about a week or so ago.

We, as in me and my friendsMy cohort includes : Zayn the starfish, Niall the teddybear, Louis the barbie doll, Harry the cat, Maz the whale and Lottie the puppy.

We thought we were going to be moving with Liam, but I guess we were wrong.

To be honest, w e live a tragically boring life.to be honest.

Me and Niall were playing cards and talking. It was j ust another day in the attic. We were all doing out normal things, and thenwhen we heard a door shut.

Writing Feedback / My Generation Essay (music, brands, technology) [2]

Hi :) Nice work on your paper.I have a few ideas and suggestions.

As generations come and go, they each have different qualities that separate them from the previous generations.before .

WhoNobody knows the limit to our capabilities. Maybe this will be the generation to find a cure for AIDS; we have the technology available to us to do it.accomplish many goals.

We have access to websites like Facebook, Twitter, and Google, websites that make thingsinformation travel at the speed of light.

With so much technology, things have become much easier for us to do. Everything you can imagine is just one click away for us. Technology has helped us make everything much more accessible and just simpler.

Be careful with the "make things simpler" idea... it does not always make things simpler for everyone, consider this.

To doWhile researching for projects, she had to use an encyclopedia and hand write them herself. For my projects, all of the information I can useneed is a click away.and I usually do all of my projects on the computer, with the exception that it'sof making a poster.very rare doI rarely use an encyclopedia or handwrite.

Good supporting argument. Overall, your essay is great. Good luck in school :)

Undergraduate / 'Playing Table Tennis' - Significant Experience/accomplishments [3]

Here are a few suggestions to change your grammar.

To know oneselfyourself is the hardest lesson in the world, and you need to know whatyour capabilities of and what feelings. you have. Knowledge is power, but the greatest power is self-knowledge. If you do not really know much about yourself , how can you appreciate others? More importantly , how can they value and appreciate you tooas well ?

I still remember how I was too bored listening to the discussion my teacher's lesson back when I was in Kindergarten. I was really annoyed at my teacher's voice becauseit was like a lullaby,that's making me want to fall asleep.

At the time, I didn't know how to play the game.it that time. I had no idea how to hold the racket andor how to serve.

After class, I would immediately run outside and just smile while listening to the bouncing of the ball. I don't know if it's just me, but the sound of the ball bouncing attracts me.was music to my ears.

Writing Feedback / 'being enthusiastic and committed to become successful' - child hood dreams [3]

I still have those dreams, but it is too late... I was born in a country that it wasn't easymade it challenging for me to become a pilot or actor.and i place reminder of theI blame on myself thatbecause I wasn't diligent and committed enough to makefocus on my dreams.come true.. ...But i thinkI still have time to become an actor and because the passion i have for it i think i wouldto become successful if I stay focused on my goals.

I think that you are contradicting yourself here, first you say you can't do it, then you say you can... I think if you change the wording this may work for you, be descriptive.

Many of us who have good appearanceare attractive and talented can pursue careers like acting. Many people likeFor example,an actor like leonardo dicaprio didn't follow in other people"s footsteps.Heand they didn't even attend university,and now where they are, at least when they look at their life they will say to themselves that i have at least made one of my dreams come true.but he followed his passion for acting, which made him very successful.

Undergraduate / 'to make him happy' - my environment and influences, UC personal statement [2]

I have a few suggestions for your essay. I think that you are a good writer and you explain things very well. However, you should focus on some small story or detail to "catch" the reader and keep them interested. Speak of something cultural, or a tradition, and talk less about your parents' background. It is very common for these essays that students write about the whole story of their parents... make it more about you and your experiences, add small quips or something whimsical.

As I beganto look back on my 17 years, my beliefs have been confirmed.I learned that this was actually true.

I used to think that I came from a typical Korean family that expected me to get the best grades and get into the best colleges.becauseM y parents always said to me, "You don't need to be pretty or famous. You just need to become smart,and successful, and becomeget a job as a doctor or lawyer."I used to be frustrated with themIt was frustrating, because I thought that they just wanted something to brag about and not because they really wanted me to be successful.

Although I am not perfect and not always kind or hardworking, I think that I came from a very good environment.
I would re-word this sentence, it does not make you look your best, keep it positive.

Essays / two qualities that you possess essay HELP University of Toronto [4]

Hi, Do you have anything written for this essay yet? Please add to this thread if you have anything at all, even if it is a rough draft, we are here to help. For this essay, the college wants to know that you are a well-rounded individual who participates in activities outside of your schoolwork. They want to hear that you are driven and confident, let your personality and individuality show through your writing and words. Explain how you will participate of affect your classmates or college friends. Blend this info with your career or degree plans. Tie it in to your short term and long term goals. Good luck and I hope things go smoothly when you write this :)

Writing Feedback / 'to be comfortable with words' - autoliteracy, rewriting for class [2]

Hi, I have a few suggestions to edit your writing

The word 'literacy' means an ability to read, write and haveunderstand language . We all grow up being taught the basics. I remember learning phonics as a child.learningthe basics . I was born in California, and Spanish was my first language.was SpanishandB eing the second generation, it meant a lot to my family for me to understandknow my roots,but yetand learn two different languages. Before I entered kindergarten, I was fluent in the English language. My mom always pushed my siblings and I to do betterimprove ourselves , and always have myself and our siblings reading so we can improve ourselves and not be that typical Mexican Americans .

He gets an assignment in his English class that turns intoleads him to writean autobiography.

He also talks about education,and how much of aboring it is, and how it does not inspire children to push themselves.

He concludes his essay by stating that everything can change in an instant, and open a person's eyes can be opened to a world they did not understand.

Undergraduate / DRAMATIC WRITING/FILM AND TELEVISION STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR SCAD. [2]

Hi, I can help... here are a few sentences that I noticed, these are my suggestions.

I was sitting on my couch late one night working on some homework.
You could say it like this: "Late one night, I was doing my homework while sitting on the couch."

I have spent countless late nights at my computer typing out scripts that I later onsubsequently rewrote.

This sparkedmy interest,for me and I dug deeper,and deeper and realized how much fun and how interesting that filmmaking can be.

Filmmaking soonquickly became an important aspect of my life.

I spent more time writing other stories or scripts, instead of working on schoolwork, which I do regret..
Maybe say this: "Regretfully, I spent more time on creative writing than my assigned schoolwork."

My senior year, I did realize that I had completely messed up and I should've given it my all on every assignment.
Maybe you should omit this part... you want to shine the best light on your character.

I would shorten the part about your family, and make it more about your goals and plans. The college wants to read that you are a person with short term and long term goals, and how college will help you get there. I feel that you should do one more draft of this paper, focus on your creative writing talents and interests, "show off" your writing, because you say you are applying for a writing degree. It is a great paper, but I believe that you can take it up a notch :) Good luck in school.

Research Papers / America on Drugs - ENG102 Research Paper Draft [2]

I have a few suggestions.

...the nation, and its habitual use of medications is on the rise.
Maybe say it like this: "members of this nation, and its habitual use of medications is on the rise."

Therefore, the main factors contributing for about half of the American population engaging in prescription medication usage are overprescribing, quick fixes to avoidable health concerns, as well as a rapidly expanding senior population.

This is a very good lead-in to your next paragraph... try to make this sentence a bit less "wordy"

Around this time, children are approaching the concrete period of operations for thinking logically, and any disturbances to the natural chemical balance in the brain during this period can result in a negative impacton how an individual will potentially react to drug use of any kind.

The abuse of prescriptions beginning to surface is adequately supported by younger generations growing up towith premature exposure to brain altering chemicals.

Nice job, good luck in school :)

Undergraduate / 'talent in the field' - the world I was surrounded and how it shaped your dream [3]

Hi :) I can help you with your paper. I will focus on the introduction.

I have been havinghad two dreams since attending an American high school 3 years ago. Looking back , the world I wasthat surrounded memeant to aspireinspired me to have those two dreams, even when I was younger. As a little child, I used to love teaching something, although I had not much of knowledge.did not know much. Nevertheless, I always wished to share my know-how in a professional way. Having a high school career in the U.S. shaped my vague thoughts intomore specificallyconcrete ideas and divided itthem into two parts: temporary and ultimate dreams. (You may want to replace the word "dreams" with "goals")The temporary oneMy short term goal is to go to a high quality college of a high quality,whichthat has an effective educational system, and to meet with engineering peoplestudents and faculty who succeed in the school. My ultimate goal is helping people with my professional engineering skills and notifying Koreans of the skills and how American educational system is efficient.

I think you should re-phrase this last part--- "notifying Koreans of the skills and how American educational system is efficient."

Nice job! Good luck in school :)

Writing Feedback / 'how travel mode usages have changed in England' - IELTS [2]

The table shows a database about how travel mode usages have changed in England from 1985 to 2000. Overall, people traveled more miles in most typesmethods of transportation except taking the local bus, riding bicycles, and walking.

People seem to be using more of mechanical kindversions of transport, such as cars, trains and taxis, compared to the usage in 1985. The number of miles traveled by car, which is the most used transport type, along with trains, increased by around 100 miles, while distance traveled with taxi and long distance bus trips tripled in 2000.

In contrast, taking local bus rideshas doubly decreased,almost twice ] whereas bicycling and walking distances dropped only by few miles each. Even though walking distance ishas dropped from 255 to 237, it is the fifth most used travel type. Bicycles and taxis have the least traveled miles of 41 and 42 when car has the peak miles of 4806 in 2000.

Graduate / 'graduates in bioinformatics field' - statement of purpose for MS in Bioinformatics [2]

Hi :) I have a few suggestions to fix or change your grammar, many of your sentences are far too long. I hope this helps :)

In my opinion, I am very suitable (qualified?) for the saiddegree program.keeping in viewI have themyabilityqualities, capabilities,and potential , along with enthusiasm, and a dynamic personality.I can cope with the challenges and have excellent curricular performance, educational background, study interests, and aptitude.andT he advantages of the proposed field as described in the lines to follow with a greater detail.are infinite, and I will explain this with great detail.

HowWhat ways, techniques a nd strategies could be adopted to develop a bioinformatics' system that will guarantee achieving the objectives, skills, and techniques to produce successful results in serving the humanity.

I already have a very strong aptitude for a master degree in BI,asand it was expressed during my presentations into the class, and my way of addressing tothe people and expressing my point of views.my viewpoint to my classmates.

Undergraduate / "M Last Strings" - Common app essay #1 [12]

Hi, I am glad that my feedback helped you :)

To answer your question: Yes, I do believe you have written your quotations with proper grammar, I cannot find any errors.

Also, I think that you have done exactly what the question has prompted: You described, in detail, and from your perspective, an experience that had great meaning to you. The style in which you wrote is great because it is unique. It is your thoughts and explains all of the feelings you had at that moment. I think that you did well, it shows your personality and that you are a real person. When I say "real" I mean that I can imagine who you are by reading this, it is not a boring generic story that is like all the others. Good job!

Undergraduate / 'leaving the military' - someone who has impacted your life. College app. [5]

Hi there :) I will re-read your new draft and leave some comments.

He has learned, it faced it, and continues to strive for positive change.

He is an equal rights activist and his continued efforts have taught me the true definition of courage.
Great! That is a great addition to the paper, this sentence explains a lot. Nice work.

Life was good. It was Matt who first got me thinking about how I could be better using my time to help the world.
I think you need one more sentence between these two.. to connect the thought of "life was good" and "Matt got me thinking" The connecting sentence could mention how you met Matt perhaps? Just an idea.

For the first time in a long time life is uncertain.
You may want to re-word this sentence.

Now I don't know where my life will end up, where my next paycheck will come from or even where I'm going to lay my head at night.

I like what you are saying here but consider if this shines the best light on your character.

I do know that I am going to work hard for what I believe and the only way to accomplish my goals is through a college education.

Is there a better phrase than "work hard for what I believe" that you can use here?

Most of all, Matt has taught me that one person can make a difference

If a solution for the world's energy needs could be found, then people like my friend Matt and I could make more progress in helping those far less fortunate.people in need.

Nice job with your conclusion :) Your paper is close to perfect. the things I pointed out are very minor and are just some little suggestions. i hope this helps :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2: Are formal 'pen and paper' examinations useful as evaluation? [2]

Hi again :) Hmm.. let me look at this.

But in my opinion, final task shouldn't be excluded of the curriculums since they give a fair result of the achivement obtainded along the academic year.

Are you trying to say something like this?

A student's final grade should not wholly depend on a written exam. The allover grade should include projects, participation, and improvement.

Keep working on your grammar, and feel free to post any more questions or anything new that you have written :)

Writing Feedback / 'need creativities and imaginations' - People are never satisfied with what they have [2]

Hi :) I can help you with your grammar

People havepossess numerous things, namely, asuch ascostlyexpensive jewelry, an appropriate job, or a intimateclose friend.H owever, they do not crymust be content towith what they have.

In due to holding the unique characters, comparing with others confidently and adapting to changes of wolde, they intend to someting further and diverse.
This sentence is hard to understand, not sure what you mean here. You are trying to make a point that people always compare their possessions to other people's things.

First, havinglarrupingBecause they have various personalities, people dream to stand out and show their differences from others. Especially thoseP eople in the fashion world, such as, performers, socialites and sportstars, are never satisfied to what they have.

In a movie, The Devil Wears Prada, even a little editor of a fashion magazine is ambitious to dress meticulously everyday and intendcollect a great number of high-fashion clothes.

Not only helpingP eople can content themselves with possessions,and to have something furtherbetterand diverseor unique can make them communicatelead to confidence when they compare themselveswithto others.

Undergraduate / 'leaving the military' - someone who has impacted your life. College app. [5]

You have a great essay! Nice work, and very descriptive. I wonder if you can be a bit more positive when describing the things that Matt went through> this part is a bit disturbing "My friend Matt has been arrested, beaten, pepper sprayed, insulted and even sued, but his continued efforts have taught me the true definition of courage." It worries me because it makes me think too much about WHY he was in these situations and was he a bad guy who got into a lot of trouble? Make it more positive. Try to write a little more professionally (because you are speaking to admissions officials) and less casual ( like if you just chatting with someone). A good way to wrap things up in your conclusion is to tie in your story of inspiration with your desire to further your education. Speak of your short term and long term goals, what you hope to gain from your education, and explain how a college degree will be a stepping stone on your path to success. Good luck with everything :)

Undergraduate / "M Last Strings" - Common app essay #1 [12]

I have a few suggestions for your essay. Nice work. I like how much detail you have added into your story.

Violin case, stand, and music... Check, check, and check.
Another way you could write this: Violin...check, stand...check, music...check.

I never really understood how much pressure was too much or too little.
This is a bit confusing, not sure what you mean... maybe re-word this sentence to clear it up?

As I snapped back to reality, I saw the empty rows of seats that lay before me.

[i] Rather, I saw the faces of people I knew, some friendly people and strangers .

"Oh my god Edwin, do not screw up. There is no pressure at all, just take it slow and easy..." I reassured myself.

"either myself or my partner, or some higher calling,"
this part sounds a little strange to me... BUT I love the way you have written this tale from the "thoughts" point of view, by slowly describing the moment bit by bit-- good job :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 main source of energy in US in 1980 and 1990 [2]

The graphs illustrate the percentage of five different energy sources of energy in the USA infrom 1980 and 1990. As can be seenIt is evident that major changes have beenoccurred in oil consumption and using nuclear power usage .

According to the pie charts, the most important source of energy has been oil, so that 42% and 33% of total energy resources allocated to oil in 1980 and 1990 respectively.

Although using coal comprises 22% of total source usage in 1980, this proportion increased in these yearsby the next decade and reached to 27% in 1990.

AsIn regards to natural gas, there was a slight decline in the usage of this green source of energy, from 26% in to 25% in 1990.

This conclusion can be drawn that new sources of energy are going to be replaced by the old one.
Could you expand on your conclusion a bit? Add one more sentence perhaps? Nice job with this paper, well done :)

Writing Feedback / Work has the most remarkable effect on our pursuit to happiness. [2]

In my own personal opinion, it really depends on the job itself. There are so many factors to this issue. Your job can be part of your identity, and it can be a burden, or a pleasure. I think that is the difference that they are asking about in the prompt question. If your work is tiresome or undesirable, then you may place much more importance on your social life ( although some people enjoy leisure time with coworkers, like "going to the bar" or playing a soccer game after work to release the stress of the day). Social life can mean so many different things to people- some like to party, some entertain, some chat online or do social networking, some go shopping, some go watch a movie or a sports game. Some play interactive video games. When you say "First, work renders us immerse happiness from economic part and buys us happy. I feel uneasy. this is not exactly a good point to support your argument. This may be the case for some people (that work=money=happiness) But for many people that work, the pay is barely enough to live, or they must work more than 1 job or long hours just to make ends meet. Also, when you say "That fact that person who is out of employment always feel lost proves from negative side" I think that you should remove the word "always" because not everyone that is jobless is unhappy, or they may be a student or being supported financially by another. Work on your conclusion, it is vague. You have lots of great points to make! I would just clean it up a bit, organize your thoughts in concise sentences and focus on convincing the reader of your viewpoint, while showing the other side of the argument to compare.