Writing Feedback / IELTS - 'Parents should shoulder responsibility of teaching their own children' [3]

TASK:

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

MY ESSAY:

Nowadays, there is no unanimous consensus yet on what constitutes a sound children's teaching methodology. The issue of whether our next generation should only taught by parents is of great interest to educationists and sociologists. It would be hard for parents along, from my perspective, teach children how to be good members of society.

Undeniably, parents are regarded as the closest person for children, and home is the first place to educate our descendants. To elaborate, in the nearest relationship, parents can intimately and constantly cultivate their offspring how to act rationally in social contexts. Stories abound in Asian families that those teenagers take parents as role models, imitate their ways of thinking and behavior patterns, and have been, as a result, continuously influenced by their parents to a larger extent. Furthermore, parents can teach their kids with integrity, which is the chief element that guides adolescents what is essential in life and how they are expected to behave. Not only can father and mother inculcate knowledge, but instill high moral values and principles as well.

Nevertheless, such social skills as communication, cooperation, persuading and compromise would not be acquired by pupils simply at home. To be specific, in a healthy and stimulating educational environment, professional tutors at school not only inspire students' acquire social etiquette, but they even enable the youngsters to have a better acquaintance with how to cooperate with each other, how to function as a unit in a group and, most essentially, why individual should contribute to the life of their community. Competitive sports at games and charitable activities at school, for instance, provide students with penetrating and revealing understanding of how to be a good member in a team and the social life as a whole. Consequently, youths who possess these experiences tend to respect others, and are more likely to be responsible and sensible citizens in the community.

To reticulate, I believe that parents should shoulder responsibility of teaching their own children such fundamental social customs as respect the elderly and obey regulations. Admittedly, our descendants should be sent to a more stimulating environment, namely kindergarten or preschool, in order to undergo the real social life when children get older. Technically, the joint effort of both parents and teachers is a necessary condition for fostering our future good members of society, and the combination of home and school environment in recommended in contemporary education.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? [3]

TASK:
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

ESSAY

Undeniably, people are now enjoying one of the greatest technological boom times in humankind history. The issue of whether the improvement of technology has impacted individuals' relationship is of great interest to sociologists. The widespread use of modern technologies, from my perspective, make cheaper, more convenient and more effective communication available for people, which have been witnessed a positive trend.

To begin with, the invention of telecommunications had dramatically and constantly changed the way we keep in touch with our acquaintances. To elaborate, thanks to the availability of mobile phone, we are now able to contact with our relatives with a comparatively low price, as opposed to the traditional but expensive way, namely, telegram. Furthermore, with internet access, such applications as the MSN, the Twitter and the Facebook enable individuals to communicate with their remote or abroad friends by more convenient ways. Social networks, therefore, can be maintained by people simply and effortlessly as people not only can talk with their friends in the chat rooms, but can even play with their friends in stimulating virtual games. Most essentially, colleagues, currently, can be communicated effectively and efficiently in the work place as a result of the introduction of the video conference and the database based on Cloud Computing Technology. Stories abound in present society that employees can perform many tasks at home while communicating with colleagues via Internet.

Admittedly, the recent technologies have more beneficial consequences in personnel relationship. For individuals, not only that citizens are more than capable of maintaining connections with their acquaintances anytime and anywhere, but even that we have been given greater autonomy in social activities. For the society as a whole, the information can be shared, transmitted and spread cheaply and freely, which can open up more opportunities for entrepreneurs and further promote business in terms of effectiveness and efficiency at the same time.

To recapitulate, the technologies have influenced people's relationship to a larger extent, with resulting changes impacting communication patterns continuously and profoundly. Neither should sociologists neglect the impact of technology on people's life, nor should we ignore the beneficial development of modern technology.

Writing Feedback / 'outstanding sport players deserve high salaries' - Essay [NEW]

TASK:
Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

With the development of sport industry, there has been a growing trend that an enormous sum of money pours into the pockets of such sports starts as Lionel Messi and Bryant Kobe. The issue of whether these stars are entitled to such high salaries is of great concerned over economists and sociologists. Higher reward for the outstanding sportsmen, from my perspective, is justified, although other professionals, including researchers, surgeons and politicians, receive much less salaries when compared with athletic stars.

There is no point in denying that distinguished sportsmen are very few because being a top player in any game require years of constant work and dedication. Tiger woods, for instance, was playing and practicing on a real golf course by the age of two, and throughout his career was known for his intensive practice habits. Likewise, football players and gymnasts are always in dangers of being injured or even disabled unexpectedly. Consequently, critics should not turn a blind eye to the warm blood, swink, tears and sweat athletes have devoted. Furthermore, so fierce are competitions for super stars that they are tested frequently and inevitably. To elaborate, sportsmen would be substituted by more excellent and young players immediately, if they had performed not well enough in a game. Most essentially, the pressure from the media is so extreme that they have litter privacy out of spotlight. Admittedly, they accumulate wealth under considerable hardworking and pressure.

Nevertheless, there are many professionals in other fields, namely science, medical service and politics, who are paid much less. Stories abound in the realm of science that anthropologists or other scholar have generated benefits to our well-being and future than do athletes. Unfortunately, cash for scientists are usually insufficient, not to mention for doctors and political leaders.

To recapitulate, outstanding sport players deserve high salaries. Technically, neither economists ignore the huge cost sportsmen have paid for such wages, nor should sociologists neglect the unjustified circumstances other professionals confronted with.

May I ask you to mark my essay? Thanks.
Task Achievement Coherence and cohesion Lexical Resource Grammatical Range and Accuracy

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : criminal who send to prison would commit crimes when set free [15]

Research suggests that majority of criminal who send to prison would commit crimes when set free, what do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem?

With the criminal rate surging, some people argue that the hardened criminals violate laws simply for offences' criminal tendency. They even suggest that these culprits should be punished by capital punishment. From my perspective, however, reverting to crime is rooted in several reasons, including the proliferation of mistreatment in cells, crime's trauma and criminals being dis-socialized. To cope with the problems, lenient measures should be adopted by authorities.

Firstly, the contributing factor is ill-treat. The number of inmates suffered from the cruel punishment has on the rise. Convicts abused may disobey impulsively the law when they are out of prisons. Moreover, inmates' trauma is blamed for the raising rate of repeated offenders. Convicts lived in the astonishingly harsh condition would more likely to resent society, thereby breaking the law once again, with no regard for the moral code. The repeated crime is also influenced by perpetrators' isolated life. Inmates being imprisoned for years are probably unable to integrate into a community because they are concerned about the society's discrimination.

The fundamental solution to reduce the number of hardened criminals would be to enhance surveillance systems in jails, in order that convicts' fight could be under control. In addition, the corruption, bribery and abuses of prisoners should be prevented, which can greatly better inmates' life condition. Meanwhile, authorities should educate the prisoners about how to be a law-abiding-citizens and provide them with employment opportunities. Most importantly, while the existence of discrimination, the authorities should encourage local companies to offer jobs to first-time offenders.

In conclusion, the reason for the issue of the repeated crime is diverse. Technically, only through either careful process or lenient policy could we decrease the incidence of the repeated crime and improve security of the society.

Writing Feedback / IELTS : The car has had greater effect on society than the airplane. [5]

Agree or disagree? The car (automobile) has had greater effect on society than the airplane.

With the advances in technology, the automobile and fixed-wing airplane gradually became the major means of transportation. Many people argue that the civil aircraft has influenced profoundly our daily life. I believe that the widespread use of car, an important symbol of modernization in civilized societies, has more far-reaching effects.

Admittedly, the aircraft has brought benefits to citizens. Firstly, long-term travel time has been shortened because of the availability of the jet plane. Passengers, for instance, would be able to fly across the Pacific Ocean, without enduring the seasick for months. Moreover, the introduction of airplane opens up opportunities for multinational businesses. For example, businesspeople are able to visit factories based in different counties, coordinating production process properly. However, not all people prefer travelling by plane, as civil aviation normally require lots of money. It will cost passengers a fortunes to purchase airplane tickets, not to mention the high airport tax and fuel surcharge.

Compared with airplane, however, automobile has great advantages. To begin with, car is affordable for most people. The mass-production of the automobile offer individuals cars at a low price. Furthermore, the utilization of automobile is diversified. Cars can be effortlessly designed for multiple uses and this can be proved by such vehicles as sedan, bus, truck and construction car. Most importantly, the benefits of aircraft may be discounted during the unfavorable weather condition. Instead, many cars such as SUV can be driving under terrible condition, providing passengers with comfortable travel conditions, with no regard to the weather forecast.

In conclusion, although the development of aeroplane was a landmark in human history, the invention of the autocar has significantly reformed society since the availability of the steam engine automobile. Technically, most people prefer cars for its economical, multinational and comfortable.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: We should spend more time listening in the teamwork. [3]

Agree or disagree? We should spend more time listening in the teamwork.

There are plenty of team works nowadays which we are required to cooperate with our partners in order to finish working. While some people argue that spending time in listening others is a waste of time, I believe that it is necessary for each member listen actively to others' opinions in teamwork.

On the one hand, some people suggest that listening to teammates all the time may distract our attention. For example, it is difficult for us to concentrate on projects while we are listening to reports for hours. In addition, the passive listening may result in misconceptions. Without active listening, we would more likely to follow teammates' instructions blindly, thereby leading to negative outcomes. Moreover, if most of team members are listening, it will practically impossible to make a wise decision within a short time. Making decisions slowly usually results in failure in a highly competitive market.

However, the active listening, which is at the heart of communication, would be conductive to our teamwork profoundly. The effective communication require each member to grasp others' ideas and that is why the active listening is a prerequisite of any successful conference. Furthermore, listening patiently is an important way to show respect. People who interrupt others' conversations frequently with no regard to others' feeling can be regarded as selfish persons in many counties. Lastly, the effective listening could help us to collect information from others simply in the meeting room where we can identify problems and address issues, which greatly improve our work efficiency.

From what has been discussed, while listening is only part of the teamwork, it is an extremely important method of communication. As a starting point of successful work, the active listening should be learned by each group members.

Writing Feedback / although some works may be rewarding, social life has more influence on people [2]

Independent Writing: Agree or disagree? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

With the tempo of life accelerating, we have entered an era when happiness is a very difficult thing. While some people argue that working for jobs is the foundation of happiness, I think that participating in social activity, which is at the heart of people's life, is a more important source of happiness.

Firstly, happiness can be described as a sense of pleasure and enjoyment which is a direct result of social activities. Having someone accompany with, we feel better. For instance, we will be feeling romantic happiness when we are simply having a chat with our lovers just in a leisure place such as lake. Secondly, happiness can be a time when we are spending time with other people and that is why we will probably feel the stimulating, dynamic energy of life when we are hanging out with our friends in a night club, drinking and dancing. Another example is that the netizens are more likely to post articles in the social networking which includes Facebook, Google + and twitter, sharing news with friends rather than sole, as most of people prefer social activities.

The second reason is that too much works can result in mental burdens and health problems. From psychological perspective, many workaholics claim that they are always under time pressure, with feeling chronic stress and anxiety, not to mention the sleeplessness resulting from fatigue. Furthermore, some jobs are usually challenging with a high workload and there are work politics ranging from workplace frictions to moral hazard, which can exert pressure on employees.

However, we will feel a sense of satisfaction that is a contributing factor of happiness, if our achievements has been recognized by others. In reality, we are delighted and confident when we are being promoted. As become more successful in working, we will also feel a sense of happiness when we become financially free. With more money, we can therefore satisfy ourselves and help orphans and the people with disability who are in needy.

In conclusion, although some works may be rewarding, social life has more influence on people. Neither should we neglect the importance of social life, nor should we ignore the great impacts social activities produce.

Writing Feedback / IELTS : Home or Office? Home is better [2]

Some people prefer to work at home while others prefer to work in their offices. Which one do you prefer?

With the advanced technology that makes remote working possible, many people can perform tasks at home, communicating with others simply via email, online networks and video conferencing. While some people argue that they prefer working at an office complex, I believe that working at home would be a better choose, for it can benefit employees, employers and society.

For employees, working at home would save their considerable time. Without time-consuming travelling between office and home, white-collar workers will be able establish a balance between work and life. For example, single mothers, who is also an office lady, would be capable of taking care of their babies while working days. For business owners, the high operating costs can be reduced by the laissez-fair management. Thereby, employers can invest money in extending businesses, without having to pay skyrocketing rents in the Central Business Districts. Most importantly, with less commuters travelling and fewer demand of electricity in the metropolis, many social problems can be curbed. Undeniably, urban traffic congestion can be alleviated and carbon emission can be reduced, which is essential for economic and social sustainability.

However, performing tasks in office block may have three merits. From psychological perspective, cooperating with colleagues can dispel loneliness and boredom. Having teammates accompany with, we will feel passionate and confident, with a high morale in a teamwork. Another benefit is that working together is a contributing factor in establishing organizational culture. If everyone are staying at home without a chance of face-to-face contact, each employee would be indifferent to colleagues and works. Lastly, working in office can enhance productivity. Compared with reliance on workers' self-discipline, managers can supervise work process directly, receive feedback immediately and execute tasks efficiently.

From what has been discussed, although people may profit from working in offices, most of the people including employees, employers and citizens have benefited more from the policy of working at home.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past [4]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people today are more likely to help others than young people in the past.

More and more citizens recognize that being helpful is always one of the greatest virtues. While some people argue that youngsters in the past are happy to help others, I believe that the new generation are more willing to offer help than the one before it, for the promotion of first-aid knowledge, advance of technology, evolution of social media and the expansion in volunteer programmes.

Firstly, with the first-aid knowledge having been introduced into class, youths are now more capable of helping others. Nowadays, a youth are able to save a drowning person. However, youngsters might lack the ability to do rescue breathing a decade ago because rarely school set the first-aid course as mandatory.

In addition, since technology is developing, youngsters are more able to help others. Equipped with a smart phone, present-day youths are more able to locate themselves via the GPS system and then call for a rescue crew when youngsters found a wounded person in a remote forest. Instead, a mobile phone was unaffordable for adolescents in the past.

Furthermore, the social media enable youth to pay attention to needy people. For example, if a disadvantaged group ask for help by posting on Tweeter, the information may be forwarded and circulated. Thereby, youngsters, one of the main user of Tweeter, are more willing to help the group. Without social media, it is difficult for a youth to discover the social issue and offer help simply through one-way media.

Lastly, with charity being increasing fashionable in schools, young people are more likely to participate in volunteering organizations in order to help needy people. For example, there is a growing number of college students who tend to become volunteer teachers in the rural areas.

In conclusion, although the predecessors have offered a lot of help to others, today's young people are more willing to help others.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:To increase economic growth, government can neglect environmental concerns? [6]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To increase economic growth, government can neglect environmental concerns.

People have devastating effects on the ecosystem when increase productivity and boost the economy. While some people argue that environment problems is the price authorities have to pay for economic development, I believe that government should seek a balance between environmental conservation and economic development, for society will plunge into the disaster with ecosystem degrading and the loss of biodiversity.

Firstly, ecological degradation caused by human activities will pose a threat to our planet, if without proper regulation. We can expect more extreme weather conditions, when more carbon emissions, the culprit of the global warming, was produced considerably by thousands of power plants. The global warming will have a significant impact on our planet, with the polar ice caps melting and sea level rising due to the increasing temperature. In addition, the greenhouse effect will also cause a series chain of reactions ranging from flooding and droughts, with the government no regard to the environmental conservation.

Furthermore, it will lead to the extinction of many species of animals and plants, if government do not realize the importance of environment. Nowadays, the forest ecosystem are being destroyed at an alarming rate, with considerable loss of biodiversity. In fact, people have cut trees down in large numbers without a plan, which will wreak havoc on the wild animals. Without habitats to live in, the wildlife in a region will only able to live in cages. Moreover, the more land is tuned over to farmland, the more plants will be wiped out. The reduction in the number of species will be accelerating, if government still permit over-grazing activities in order to develop the economy

In reality, authorities are now able to maintain the ecological equilibrium, with the advance of science and technology. If the government encourage people to use renewable energy source, the consumption of coal, oil and gas can be reduced. Besides, government should condemn rather than condone environmentally inefficient manufactures. Harsh actions with the supervision system should be applied by the government, in order that the human activities will not bring about permanent devastation.

In conclusion, I strongly disagree that government do not pay attention to environmental issues simply because of developing the economy. Neither should the authorities neglect importance of ecological balance, nor should we ignore the responsibility of the government.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:Cash and coins will be replaced by credit cards in the future.Positive/Negative [3]

Nowadays, more and more people use credit cards. It seems that cash and coins will be replaced by credit cards in the future. Is this a positive or negative trend?

With the development of the financial industry, we have entered the consumption era when people are able to use credit cards. While some people argue that the introduction of credit bring about benefits to consumers, I believe that the popularity of relying entirely on credit cards is a negative trend, with causing detriments to society,

On the one hand, the credit cards will result in social problems. Firstly, the rate of personal bankruptcy will be on the rise. The compound interest policy is so complicated that many people may be unaware of having been charged lots of money, which certainly speed up the personal bankruptcy. Secondly, the credit cards is also the culprit of consumerism. The excess consumption, as a result of using credit cards, weaken citizens' self-regulation, stimulating people to spend a fortune for instant gratification, with no regard to their own financial circumstances. Lastly, credit card holders are more likely to lose money because of card thefts. With the computer hackers who make cyber-crime possible, our fortune in the credit cards are more likely to be stolen without any sign, compared with paper money.

However, credit cards also has its merits, including convenience, the reward packages and the function of the cash advance. The chief benefit is convenient because of its small size. Without having to carry a bunch of cash in our pocket, we can pay bills simply by swiping the card. Furthermore, most of credit card offer us benefits packages. For example, we can enjoy discount in the supermarket by using a certain credit card. Another advantage is that we can overdraft in advance when our cash is tight, with credit card enabling us to borrow a large sum of money from banks. Stories abound in which an entrepreneur rises money by using credit card borrowing money in order to make a bigger deal.

From what has been discussed, although there are several benefits for using credit cards, the cards will do more harm than good to people in the future because it will lead to personal bankruptcy, hyper-consumerism and money security problem.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:The best extra-curriculum activity, sports, community activities or traveling? [5]

Which extra-curriculum activity do you think is the best activity for students? Joining a sports team, b. participating in community activities, or traveling?

The extra-curriculum activity is a regular part of students' life, which can prevent teenagers from falling into criminal or undesirable activities such as teenage-sex or drug-taking. While I accept that students have profited from community activities or travelling, I believe that taking part in a sports team is the best way for students.

On the one hand, community activities and travelling have brought benefits to students. In community life, youngsters participate in a wide range of activities, ranging from the Christmas party to community services, which require students to communicate with neighbors and even organize activities. Thereby, youths obtain lots of opportunities to exercise interpersonal skills while playing and working. Furthermore, it has been proved that travelling can profoundly broaden adolescents' horizon. If a student have traveled to Japan, he or her can have a better understanding of what the Tokyo is like and how to communicate with Japanese, compared with simply studying in textbooks.

However, I would argue that a sport team would bring about more benefits to participators. Firstly, adolescents can improve their physical fitness in sport games. For example, basketball is a physical activities highly require flexibility, response capabilities and coordination of mind and body, all of which are important capabilities outside the sport stadiums. In addition, sport can exercise youths' willpower and endurance. We have seen that students with strong these personalities are more likely to success because they can never be impeded by temporary failures. Lastly, sports can greatly foster youngsters' team spirit which is very importantly beneficial for youths as long as they are in group, no matter in school or society,

In conclusion, it seems that joining in a sport team is the best activities outside class because it can enable students to increase fitness, exercise willpower and understand the importance of team spirit.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:best way to make new friends?sports, community activities or travelling? [3]

Which way do you think is the best way for a student to make new friends? Joining a sports team, b. participating in community activities, or traveling。

Nowadays, students have various methods to meet new friends. While I accept that students can easily make friends through sports games and travelling, I believe that taking part in community activities is the best way for students to make friends.

On the one hand, sports provides students with opportunities to play with friends who have similar interests. Each player can build a strong relationship with others by playing within a same team, although a student has to be really good at a particular sport. In terms of taking a trip, we have seen that students can meet a wide variety of friends during a long journey. For example, in a tour bus, students can make friends with other passengers ranging from businesspeople to university professors. Although travelling is a good way to meet new friends, it is unaffordable for most students due to its time-consuming and expensive.

However, students have lots of chances to make a wider scope of friends in various community activities, including the Christmas party and community services. For example, by working together in a Christmas party, students are more easily build solid bonds with other participators, compared with in a highly competitive football game. Furthermore, students are more likely to make healthy friends in community activities, which can prevent students from falling into criminal and undesirable activities such as drug-taking and teenager-sex. Lastly, community activities can be both entertaining and engaging, which offer students a better setting to start a conversation with a good friend.

From what has been discussed, it seems that participating in community activities is a best choice for students because these activities provide youths with a wider range of friends, more good friends and a better surrounding.