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Posts by Jin
Joined: Sep 12, 2009
Last Post: Nov 18, 2009
Threads: 11
Posts: 37  


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Jin   
Nov 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "The university fund project" - Why are you considering The Ohio State University? [4]

Why are you considering The Ohio State University?

The university fund project in Ohio State first caught my attention, because I'm applying for a similar project in my school in which we try to raise funds by running marathon. The purpose of our project is to support sports and the disabled children. With this experience, I hope I can do something special to Ohio State University.

I'm applying for fisher college of business because it has a creative learning atmosphere and will provide prospective students with strong analytical and cooperative skills which are necessary for dealing with real-world cases. I am very confident because I successfully took part in the Guinness World Record's " The Largest Percussion Ensemble" on 2 July 2002, during which, I got to know that team-work is really important through this program and I benefit a lot from participating these activities.

All above are the external elements of my decision. No one can make sound decision without following his or her heart. So am I! I believe the Ohio State University will bring me the opportunity to enter and experience a unique, global learning environment - one that with different world views and the energy of motivated students who are interested in changing the way people do business. I believe I will have a huge gain through this experience, which will make my life more brilliant and give me valuable tools for my success oneday .That's the main reason that I choose Ohio State University: starting my new life there.

Ohio State University, starting my new life there.
Jin   
Nov 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]Tidal Power_Integrated task. [3]

where is listening???

I cannot give feedback with no lecture...

i think the integrated task looks for the ability to take notes and catch the main points...
Jin   
Nov 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl essay which changed people's lives automobiles bicycles airplanes [3]

Although new invention will changed the world more or less, only a few inventions can take the significant change to the ordinary people. The automobiles (is one type) The automobiles had improved our travelling ability,(abilities) not only in travelling but also in living.

The speed and range which are provided by automobile have facilitated the transport and travelling. One can live in the nearby countryside which has better living condition, and go to work by bus or car. The fresh food such as milk(milk is not food) can be delivery farer, thus it provides the benefit to both the farmer and customers. Furthermore, the automobile can also applied in daily life, which has a great advantage For example the ambulances designed for saving life help patient to survive from acute disease or accident while it contributed to shape up the modern emergency treatment system.

hope it hleps~~
Jin   
Sep 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / Music can kill much time if people are bored - sound is part of our lives [2]

169: People listen to music for different reasons and at different times. Why is music important to many people? Use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

Sometimes I really believe that music has a power which can make people relaxed. Almost everyone listens to music everyday. We will be happy when we hear our favourite song. Sounds like a magic,right? But it dose.

Music or even just a piece of beautiful sound, can release some motion which cannot be found easily in real life, especially which is from movie. For instance, what comes in your mind when hearing "my heart wil go on" from Titanic?... in my mind, I seems I can feel the truly love between Jack and Kate. Everytime I hear this music, I can't help crying because of move, there is something special in this music, which make me also fall in love with someone.

Music is one of best ways to relax according to a research on "How can people relax", music is in third place following stay with family and travel. It also shows that people who are in higer position listen to music more frequently then ones in lower position, what's more, it indicates that in daily life, music seems to be the top 1 method of relaxig for everyone. For example, students listen to it before the exams because it will reduce nervise. Besides, listening to music help going to sleep well and deeply.

More notably, no one can deny that music is another language people can use worldwide. Here is a old saying goes " no border in music", people from everywhere can communicate with each other with music. Sometimes it is better than real language such as English and Spanish, etc.

Amoing the benefits shown above, more basicly, music can kill much time if people are bored, you can see people listenning to their MP3 players in the metros, buses and cars.

In sum, music is a part of our lives, which benefits us a lot.
Jin   
Sep 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / Treating pets as family members is not a good way for human beings even though they are our friends. [3]

(182): Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------

Last week I met with my friend, she saied to me that she wanted me to see her daughter Lucy some day. So I pick up a day to her house. But when I arrieved there, I found lucy was her dog. My frieng loves it very much, she spends whole night with it and talk to it. She said she cannot image her life without lucy.

Indeed, it is no denying to say many people like my friend now have a close relationship with their pets. They not only treat them as animals but also as friends, or even family members. In my view of point, the disadvantages of this relationship far overweight the advantages.

As we are human beings, thinking is one of the most remarkable characterisitics for us to tell from animals. Whatever we think about, we need to communicate with other persons, and we want to get feedback, which pets cannto fulfil, they cannot understand what we say, neither talk to us. Having too close relationship sometimes may make people lose communication skill for society.

Notably, from a scietific research, it is said that people who have close relationship with their pets prefer to say alone than people who don't. That way, to a greater extent, have influenced their social life. My friend is a case, she had been a very active girl when she got her dog, she invited people to have dinner, hang out when she was free. While, after she got her dog, every time we called to her, she always refused to come out. Instead, she spent her whole space time with her dog. Gradually, no one invited her to have dinner, or go to a movie.

To sum up, treating pets as family members is not a good way for human beings even though they are our friends.
Jin   
Sep 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / Essay based on an aphorism - Black Tees in August [8]

maybe you can forces on the breadth of the aphroism instead of the depth.

(sorry, i cannot provide with a specific example...)

say something about the examples,your personal experience and so on.
Jin   
Sep 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / Interacting with the same kind of people in work on a regular basis [10]

pacha

i dont think it is bad for toefl exam. from your essay, you always use the word " coworker", I am nor so sure of this word, or you mean co-worker???

First of all, a co-worker should be cooperative and helpful with other co-workers (ones) when they need help. Helping each other is very necessary in a team work or an individual work(why?). We can finish our work very fast in less period of time and make more task. (maybe it is better to use efficiently) Moreover, things will not work (accomplished)if workers do not share their abilities(how can ability to be shared ) with each other. For example, if my co-worker knows some thing else, it is good to share knowledge. I always have good attitude and open minded to learn new things. (sounds awkward )Thus, be cooperative with other colleagues and sharing the experience is(are) very important for an ideal co-worker.

Secondly, being responsible is also the(a) essential character of a colleague because it means that you really care about your job and working environment. only a responsible workers can make a quick and right decision. In addition, they also have the ability to handle the small problems which appears in every day(general) work.

This part can be accentuated.

Most importantly, a good co-workers should not be racist. In todays' world people have realized that skin and feature have nothing to do with one's capabilities. Therefore, a good co-workers should be kind hearted and positive minded since, the environment in most big companies are multi culture. Moreover, a co-workers should be fun loving and humorous because friendly and jolly people are liked by everyone. Consequently, a good co-worker should not judge people by skin and always be friendly with other co-workers.

Personally, I think it is a bit far from your topic, maybe you'd better talk about some general situation. Or you can regard it as your minor idea.

In conclusion, we all spend most of our time with co-workers during the week. Therefore, a co-worker should be helpful, aptitude and not be narrow minded. It is important that our co-workers should be the people we can get along with.
Jin   
Sep 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Personal life of famous person is no longer "personal" [5]

Q: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.

------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------

With the remarkable development of public media, the personal life of famous person is no longer "personal". Personally, I cannot agree more with that today's television, newspaper, magazines and other media pay too much attention to them.

Every day, there are plenty of journalists waiting outside of the homes of famous people. They take photos about the things they do and the people they meet. If there is something strange happened, the tomorrow's title page will appear the news of this person. Sometimes it is absurd and annoying, and to certain extent, has disturbed the normal life of those people, or even been harmful to them. The typical example is Princess Dianna, who is died in a traffic accident. After she had dinner with her boyfriend, the couple found there was a journalist who wanted to take photos with them. Wanting to get rid of him, the couple drove faster and faster so that they didn't notice another car coming to them. This situation also happened in other countries, many Korea TV stars have suicide themselves because of the highly concerned by the public, which also occurred in China. This situation has showed that public should give these persons a room to relax and work.

Another situation often happened to these super stars is that the news from them is always not about their works. It is more likely that public is now interested in their relationship with other people, instead of their hard work. When you read the newspapers, the most news appeared in them are like one has broken up with his lover, the couple of star C and D want to divorce, or even star E enter the relationship between F and G, etc.. However, as far as I am concerned, it is the private part of people's lives, nobody should tell other ones about their private life, even though they are famous.

To sum up, because of the too much attention paid by public media, famous people cannot live normally, which should be stopped.
Jin   
Sep 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / A formal education is the problem of my hometown - I would try to eliminate it [6]

In conclusion, problems with educational standard between cities and rural areas (it is the general situation, don't use a ) will be eliminated if government comes (up) with a final decisions (decision) to produce qualifying graduates ( produce???) to give educational support to local people, develop basic things(equipment) to make learning in a(no a ) school comfortable (and enjoyable, as well as developing the technology of my hometown )

it seems you have problem with article (a, an ,the).
And the last sentence is too long that it feels awkward.
Jin   
Sep 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Interacting with the same kind of people in work on a regular basis [10]

Many people think that we go to work to earn a pay check. To a certain extend (extent) that (it is better) is true. But when we work (for) forty hours a(per) week interacting with the same people on regular basis, we have a right to expect them. Therefore, in my opinion a good coworker should be cooperative, responsible and not be racist.

Your logic here is a bit odd, the last sentence is so sudden... but you have a clear idea about what you will say in your essay, which is good.
Jin   
Sep 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl essay---a library is a good place for studying [11]

To my view, a library is a good place for school students. The students who spend an (no "an") extra time on learning after a regular class (regular classes) find the library satisfying (can satisfy them) due to online materials, books on shelves and a good atmosphere.

I don't agree with you about the online materials, it can also be done at home, right?

Maybe you should focus on the characteristic part of library.
Jin   
Sep 20, 2009
Writing Feedback / toefl -- needed land / protecting environment [5]

EF_Sean

is it better?

With the expanding of the scale of waste land, many field lands are affected by reducing the production and producing the low-quality crops, plenty of which is the original field lands.

thanks!!!!
Jin   
Sep 19, 2009
Writing Feedback / toefl -- needed land / protecting environment [5]

Q: In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry?

The concept of protecting environment is gradually aroused wild public concern in China and the government has already taken action to do so. However, there is still more need for land be left in its natural condition in terms of trees, food and climate.

We need more natural lands because we more trees to protect our country from drought. As we all know, trees can avoid the water flowing away, and they can also create the oxygen we need every day. However, according to a reported, 80% of the original natural land has become farm land in the late 70's, which is the result of over cutting. At first, only some farmers cut down trees to plant their crops in order to feed their family. While, as these farmers realized that plant additional crops would offer them more profits, they started to cut amount of trees down. Even though there is a remarkable improvement since Chinese government carried out the policy of returning farm land back to forest, not all of them can be return to the condition they had been.

Besides, we need rich lands because we need food. The action of 70's farmers did has made the permanent harm to land as tremendous elements has gone once the original land is forced to turn into the farm field. However, not all the original land can be used for farming, certain number of which cannot be used, so they finally become the waste land. With the expanding of the scale of waste land, many field lands are affected by reducing the production and producing the low-quality crops.

Also, protecting the climate is also one of the reasons to need natural lands. In every rural parts of China, there exist a lot of factories, especially the chemical factories, which produce a plenty of waste water and gas. Instead of recycling, these factories poured the water into the river, which lower the quality of water In China as well as that of air, as a consequence, aggravate the climate of the whole country.

To sum up, from a sustainable perspective, more natural land is needed in China. Only in this way can keep the balance of environment.
Jin   
Sep 19, 2009
Undergraduate / "the day she became my mother" - Personal Statement help [3]

i have read your essay, it is good, but i am sorry ,i am not familiar with personal statement...

can i ask a question?
in my mind ,the personal statement should consists of your background of your family and education, as well as the future plan. is that right???
Jin   
Sep 19, 2009
Grammar, Usage / Some sentence meaning questions [5]

EF_Simone
yes, I was puzzled about the sentences when i read an article in TIME, here is the whole message.
thanks!!

Even Madonna and Guy Ritchie's bed isn't as cold as this. Some 60 miles northwest of Fairbanks sits the Aurora Ice Museum, an entire structure made from more than 1,000 tons of snow and ice inside which you can stay. Fear not. If you get cold during the night, there's a bar in there too. Should the novelty of sleeping in a nicely appointed igloo wear off, you can always step outside and gaze up at the Aurora Borealis. That experience is bound to make all your friends back home jealous - even after they find out you spent your nights on ice.

Rate: $575 per night.
Jin   
Sep 19, 2009
Grammar, Usage / Some sentence meaning questions [5]

1, Should the novelty of sleeping in a nicely appointed igloo wear off, you can always step outside and gaze up at the Aurora Borealis.

in this sentence, what is should mean?

2,fear not, what dose it mean?

thanks !!
Jin   
Sep 19, 2009
Writing Feedback / toefl -- success and luck [7]

EF_Simone

yes, you are right

so ,i have made a little bit change about my essay, is it better?

As the proverb goes; "practice makes perfect". People can achieve their dreams by trying again and again, no one can succeed without practice. Let me take my friend as an example, who is a sophomore in Qinghuang University in China, and her major is mathematics. But when she was a high student, mathematics was her weakest subject. She always failed in passing the mathematics at first semester. However, when she got the University Entrance Exam, mathematics was her highest subject, and she was admitted by Qinghuang University, which is the best university in China. We all wondered about her remarkable improvement in mathematics, finally, she unveiled the answer to us, she said it is the practice that make her successful.
Jin   
Sep 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / toefl -- success and luck [7]

EF_Simone

yes, I forgot.

People always ask how to succeed, some think it comes hard work, while the others think it comes from luck. As far as I am concerned, luck has something to do with success, which is just not as important as hard work. The following are the reasons why I think so.
Jin   
Sep 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / toefl -- success and luck [7]

EF_Simone

actually, I only disagree with the "luck has nothing to do with success", which totally neglect the existence of luck. while i said in my essay that luck is the second largest part of success,it means luck has something to do with success, just not so important as hard work.

is that ok in this essay?

and I will not take myself as an example. thank you for reminding. also the
"accede" hah~
Jin   
Sep 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / A meal is not only the original resource for daily energy and health but also the spirit feast [14]

thinhtvdhtm

thanks, i have modified it ,so ,can you give me some more suggestion?

really thanks~

With the acceleration of technical improvement, it is undeniable that food has become easier to prepare. Nevertheless, there exists a controversial issue whether the advanced-technical food has really improved the way people live? As far as I am concerned, the disadvantages far overweigh the advantages. The following are why I think this way.

One of the primary objectives for advanced-technological food existed is to safe people's time. For that reason, food is probably made in a hurry so that nobody can ensure they get the indispensable nutrition we need for every day. From a sustainable perspective, it is not acceptable. Let me take the microwave as an example, which plays an important role in people's daily lives. With the help of microwave, food can be prepared to eat within 3-5 minutes, which is obviously quite convenient, but how can it guarantee the nutrition when taking our health into consideration? Do you really think they can provide the tasty and rich healthy food? To be honest, microwave cooker is merely the heating machine, its only function is just to heat anything put into it.

Besides, to have meals done quickly, people prefer to stock a lot of canned and frozen food, so the additives are necessary, which is harmful to humans' body. According to a research called "public attitudes towards food", 64% of individuals concerned their health due to the way they eat, 15% of the rest said they felt better when they cook themselves. This report has drawn the public attention to the self-made food.

To a higher lever, as public prefer the fast-prepared food such as KFC, burger king, the cooking skill will gradually disappear, which means, to a certain extent, the national cook culture is losing away gradually. That kind of junk food will replace the individual's mind, they will not be aware of the enjoyment of cooking. To them, food is a just a kind of things making them full.

To sum up, meals are not only the original resource for daily energy and health but also the spiritual feast, we should take our bodies into account while persuading the convenience.
Jin   
Sep 18, 2009
Writing Feedback / toefl -- success and luck [7]

Q: "When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above?

People always ask how to success, some think it is because of hard work, while the others think it is from luck. As far as I am concerned, I accede to the part of hard work, but disagree with the last sentence. The following are the reasons why I think so.

As the proverb goes; "practice makes perfect". People can achieve their dreams by trying again and again, no one can succeed without practice. Let me take myself as an example, when I was a young, my mother took me to learn violin. Personally, I think it is one of the most difficult instruments in the world. It was so hard for me that I couldn't play a complete piece of music when I met my teacher in the next week. I felt extremely disappointed at that time, and I really want to play it well. So that evening, I started to practice as soon as I went back home. I was every awkward in the beginning because I cannot make my hands do different things. But I tried again and again, never gave up. To make my hands be balance, I began with one-hand exercise, and it seems worked. When I went to my violin teacher again, she was so surprised about my remarkable improvement and said; "Good job, girl.", which is one of the most exciting words I have heard till now, so I will never forget this experience. It is the practice that makes me successful.

However, besides hard work, success consists of a lot of factors, among which, luck accounts of the largest. Even though success is mainly result of hard work, we cannot neglect the existence of luck, which is not rational. According to the research on "how the successful men succeed in U.S.", 65% of which say they accomplish their goals only through practice, while 95% of people involved say it is the combination of work and luck that make them successful, even if the hard work is more important than luck for sure. In this conclusion of this report, the author said it indicates the clear ideas that luck is the second basic element for success.

To sum up, it is not so critical to say luck has nothing to do with success. Even though the hard work is the most important element, luck is still not dispensable.
Jin   
Sep 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / Skill is more important than a theory, but without any experience - knowledge, it fails. [10]

EF_Sean
yes, you are right,

I have improved it as followed:

Deeply saying, the knowledge that we learned from books is called theory, which mostly contains academic information helping people understand how things happen, why they happen and how to solve them, while the messages form experience are, to a greater extent, called ability, which accentuates the skills the individual need to handle with different situation in the real society.

so ,what do you think of this one?

really appreciate your advise.
Jin   
Sep 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / Skill is more important than a theory, but without any experience - knowledge, it fails. [10]

EF_Simone

I want to describe the difference between konwledge from books and experience by definition and understanding.

maybe it is better if i combine them . what about this one?

Accurately speaking, the knowledge that we learned from books is called theory, it contains academic information helping people understand how things happen, why they happen and how to solve them, while the message form experience is called ability, which accentuates the skills the individual need to handle with different situation in the real society.

thanks~~
Jin   
Sep 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / When a huge factory is built, the job demand is high, and it attracts thousand persons to move there [6]

To my view (or to my thinking? Not sure ~), building a large factory is beneficial for a company in terms of investment. Although a big factory beside the community contributes huge( huge is always used to describe the numbers I think, here a lot is more suitable) economic benefits, I prefer not to have it built. It has some environmental setbacks (that should) to be concerned about.

First, ( I don't recommend you to use first, second, third...etc, they look not so fluent in essay, just start with the reasons themselves) people are by more employment and more levies are used to develop the community. ( what do you mean by this sentence? There seems exist grammar problems, confusing~)When a huge factory is built, the job demand is so high (how can you be so sure about the high demand of jobs?) that it (will) attracts thousand (? The accurate number? How can you get this number? Or do you mean thousands of people ) persons who live in neighboring (neighbour,I think) areas to move in a new house to get a better living standard (living standard should not be measured by people moving into a new house, it contains adequate factors), therefore, people can live a happy and comfortable life.(the adj. are too simple, maybe can try people get the easier access to a high-level and cheerful life) Moreover (here should be so or thus), the government can collect more tax from the factory in order to improve the community by creating infrastructure such as electricity and road, leading to the community sprawl(is the word negative or positive?) in the end. (I don't think only one factory can contribute the enough taxes needed to enlarging the scale of a city.)

Do you agree with it?

maybe it is some misunderstanding in my mind, if so, just forget them,haa~~~

Anyway, hope they can help you something!
Jin   
Sep 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / Skill is more important than a theory, but without any experience - knowledge, it fails. [10]

Q: It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books." Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why?

Do you know what dose knowledge means? According to the dictionary, knowledge means that anything one can learn from. Generally, there exist adequate sources can people get knowledge, such as teachers, parents, library, internet, etc, they can be divided into two categories - books and experience. Some argue that the knowledge gained from books is more important than that gained from experience, while others hold the totally different perspective. As far as I am concerned, I absolutely accede to the second opinion.

Accurately speaking, it is theory that we learn from books, and experience let people improve the ability. Deeply saying, books contain academic information helping people understand how things happen, why they happen and how to solve them, and the personal experience accentuates the skills the individual need to hand with different situation in the real society.

Undoubtedly, it is indispensable that people should get that kind of information. However, only having the academic theory is far less than enough, we should learn something from the personal experience, or even from the others'. In my view of point, the theory told in the books is based on the consumption that the environment is fixed and unchanged. While the real life is a flexible system, in which the change varies every second. If people apply every situation said in books to the real case, he will be upset in the end. That is to say, no one can survive merely with the academic theory.

While, from another perspective, let me take an extreme opposite point as an example, what about the person who only have the skills? Let me suppose that a boy without any education, will he become a successful man? Actually, there still exist some cases in real life. For instance, in ancient China, many emperors are farmers, who don't have access to the education, for them, the key to success is their experience, which is more suitable for living than theory.

To sum up, even though both of the sources are indispensable, skill is more important than theory.
Jin   
Sep 16, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Truth it self doesn't exist" - truth in the relationship [6]

Truth itself doesn't exist

To tell the truth - What does this sentence means? If I had to explain (it should be "if I explain" ) , I would say that to tell the truth is saying (to say) the way someone believes something is suppose to be or being looked. Truth itself doesn't exist, everybody has your (their) own ideas on truth. If telling the truth in any relationship means to tell everyone around you what do you think without any restrictions, I have no doubt in being against it.

[I would say that to tell the truth is saying (to say) the way someone believes something is suppose to be or being looked.]
Don't you feel this sentence is a little bit odd, what do you mean by saying that? Do you mean truth is the concepts and attitude towards anything they faced?

Personally, the first paragraph looks a little strange, I don't think truth is the thoughts people think, it should be a sort of abstract things that beyond the people's minds.

[If telling the truth in any relationship means to tell everyone around you what do you think without any restrictions,] this sentence itself has a logic problem, the truth obviously is not about telling everyone around you what do you think. Truth, in my point, is the actual process the things happened.

Do you agree with it?

maybe it is some misunderstanding in my mind, if so, just forget them,haa~~~

Anyway, hope they can help you something!

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