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Posts by ace
Joined: Dec 23, 2009
Last Post: Sep 19, 2012
Threads: 5
Posts: 65  
From: Australia

Displayed posts: 70 / page 1 of 2
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ace   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App. - Person who has influenced me, describe influence [Steven] [4]

all numbers are supposed to be written in words so 14 is fourteen
a comma after ten is needed
the last sentence of the introduction is a bit vague. maybe u could break it down into 2 sentences:At the time i was only ten, so i did not realise the seriousness of his situation. But as I have grown older, I have come to appreciate his stuggle.

its just a suggestion
ace   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Princeton-write about a person you admire & how they have influenced your life [4]

Please help me with my college application essay. I am happy with it but i have not had someone look at it
Thanx!

I believe that Literature is the soul to the imagination. I may be mistaken, but that is the allurement of literary words. There is no truth, no right nor wrong, yet there is just about everything to learn on life. Miss Brown, my form four English teacher, has really inspired me in ways I never though were possible. She was definitely one in a billion.

Before meeting Miss Brown, I had absolutely no interest in Literature. She was a tall, slender, blonde woman, with many life experiences: from working in South Africa during apartheid times, and enduring breast cancer. Before my introduction to her, the only books I considered worthwhile to read were my science and history books. It may have been because I was never good at annotating poems, let alone understand a phrase written by Shakespeare. Also reading a fictitious book bored me to death. Finally, being forced in form four, without any way out, to do a subject I had no idea how to work around for Cambridge final exams was terrifying. I simply accepted that there will be D grades in all my report cards.

During my first Literature lesson, I was mostly inattentive. But because Ms Brown was pleasant and funny, I actually had minute memories of when I was fully alert and following along. After lunch, I returned to my room in the brown-walled, loud boarding house. I began revising the notes she had handed out. To my surprise, I had understood most of the notes. But what really befuddled me was getting a B plus for the first Literature test. At that moment I concluded that I am actually not disastrous in Literature; with continued reading, I could actually get my intended A grade. Or it may have been the excitement of knowing I had understood the subject for the first time. I do not know, but for sure Ms Brown was not like any other teacher I have met with her skill for making Literature classes sensible. What really makes me admire her is that she made me fall deep in-love with Literature with a smile and whilst fighting against breast cancer! She was always in class whenever she was not ill even if we remonstrated that she take a break; She would always say in an imperturbable tone, "I do not want to impoverish your chances of getting your deserved grades in your final exams," if telling us how much our parents are paying per lesson. How strong can a person really be?

Although I did not develop an interest in Shakespeare and Aristotle, prosaic authors such as Danielle Steele, Stephanie Meyer, Shawn 'Jay-Z' Carter and anonymous authors became my heaven; each author has a story to tell that helped me gain a different outlook on life. For example "Wings" by Danielle Steele has probably had the strongest influence in my life. It is based on a girl, Cassie O'Malley, who endeavors to get into aviation as people did not see it fit for a lady. Her own father, who owned an air strip, did not believe that she should be flying around; instead he believed Cassie should be married. Because of the book, I have kept the desire to become a cardiologist close to my heart regardless of the time it may drain from me, and the number of people who believe it is not a career for women.

Because of Miss Brown's knowledge here and there in various languages, she has encouraged me to put down the English novels to concentrate on learning German and Spanish. Although it will not be an easy road, I know very well the languages will become useful in the future. She witnessed the Apartheid times and beat breast cancer, why should I not be able to learn two new languages?
ace   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Math. I have been part of the Talented Youth Program of El Salvador [14]

You have such limited space i suggest you get rid of the first sentance. You could start by saying: One activity that has captivated me is math.

Numbers are written in words so it may help to say for the last eight years instead of 2001
mention how often and what have yu won, or how many times you have won a certain award
i like 'sacrifice your day of rest' coz it shows ur dedication
hope this helps and plaese do help with my essays
thanx
ace   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "the most suitable learning environment" - Carnegie Mellon Supplementary Essay [3]

love the intro! especially how u sound chilish to describe hw u felt as a child
your transitional word into the next pharagraph is a bit weak. u cud say: because of this, i chose to pursue a career in medicine and biochemistry at at mellon college as i believe the college will provide me with the knowledge and skills needed in my chosen field.

second pharagraph u seem to flattering them nt neccessary or state exactly where u gor this data. like u could say hw thier technology wud help; maybe u have an idea u wud like to research on maybe it wud help to mention it. u hv one page so u hav a lot of space to focuss on that one particular thing. also its size may be worth talking about in the process.

I dnt knw bout mellon college bt I hope this helps plez do help me with my essays.
ace   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay - McDonald's [5]

1st paragraph
ur granny in korea, u can try to say exactly which korea and the type of area she lives in. like my granny lives in a village bt she knows mcdonalds cz she is goes to johannesburg, south africa. I live in a city bt we dnt hav mcdonalds yet i knw it. so try to elborate on that

over the summer, while
2nd paragraph
try to work on you commas, read it out loud and whenver u run out of breath (whilst breathing normally) try to add a comma so it reads well.

overall i love ur essay! its creative i would pick u immidiately if it were nt for the few glitches
please review my essays, thanx and let me knw hw it goes
ace   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / mathematics, Wellesley-Describe your intellectual interests.... [5]

Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

please help

"No man is an island" as Mathematics has proven to me. Many do not realize the importance of math, especially I, before the start of my Advanced Level course. Before 2008 A.D., I was a mathematics 'crack'. I took the subject for granted as I could easily score an A plus without as much looking at a mathematics book.

The first A-Level mathematics test I took, I got the lowest mark I had ever attained in my entire life; am sure it was an ungraded grade. Looking at my paper, I just did not comprehend anything that was happening around me. Fear crept all around me. My palms were flowing rivers that could not dry up no matter how much tissue I used. I questioned so much if I were going to get the grades required for entrance into medical school. It took so much out of me to tell myself that it would never happen again, and all I needed was to just work harder. Besides, I thought, any form of help was really unnecessary. The months went on, but I had only improved to a C plus. Finally, I gave myself permission to attend mats clinic, and I quickly upgraded to a ninety-six percent. With that, I assumed I would not need extra help as I could learn pre-calculus in less than a week. I had deceived myself in believing I had done it alone. Into my exams, I just went in assuming that I am great at calculus, so I really do not need much preparation. I did not get my A nor a B. Without a doubt, she is by far, the biggest struggle in my academic life.

However, with the beginning of A2 came a New Year, bringing a new approach to life; anything I did not understand or grasp, the next step would be to ask for help, including math clinic. Now I work hard to maintain A grades, with frequent visits to math clinic and quick chats with teachers after a lesson. But I have also learnt to ask for needed help no matter what I am doing.

Although mathematics is not my intended major, it is still exciting to me as it has taught me the most important life skills. And regardless of the ache I have endured due to the subject, I still find her highly comforting after solving a difficult problem. Most importantly, she has taught me perseverance, no matter how hot the fire becomes. I believe that math is not just the finally answer, but really the path to the answer. My main intension is to join the Oliver Club as it will allow me to integrate with other students just as, if not more, enthusiastic about mathematics. It could also help me learn how to appreciate mathematics at a much challenging level. Since my main goal is to become a medical doctor, I hope that all the energy invested into the subject will help me improve my logical skills and quick reaction to problems that I will face in the field.
ace   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Kosovo, MIT world you come from? [6]

How have they contributed to ur aspirations? It gets fuzzy 'cause it cannot be assumed that you are going to study mathematics. I can see how they have made u the hard worker you are
ace   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Amherst-'Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat.... [2]

'Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted.' Please do help with grammer and how to improve the essay

I am a sport fanatic, although I do not play for any club besides school teams. Regardless, I still enjoy watching and playing them for recreation. Although I had all the basic training - which allowed me to swim without supervision - in two thousand and six, I had not swum in three years, and it was my first time swimming at a competitive level.

Every year in the first term, Maru-a-Pula school hosted an inter-house swimming gala in its swimming area, which always had a horde of MaP students. As part of the "M" house team, which wore glaring yellow t-shirts, we agreed that I will assist in time keeping and preparation of participants. Our team began the gala with a promising performance; in second place and competing in every race. But with time, some of my team-mates who were selected to compete did 'a no show,' leading to us into last place. I was devastated. Then I had an epiphany - we will not be getting any points if I am assisting with the organization of contestants. "M" house needed me. So I convinced our leader, Palesa, to authorize me to compete for the team as I could swim, and those who were better than me had no interest in doing so. I got into in my black, one piece 'MaP' engraved swimming costume, gathered all my courage, and went to sign up for the fifty by one freestyle race. As I sat on the brown, weathered, wooden bench- which showed that I was to participate in the next competition - my heart began to pound hastily; probably reaching two hundred beats per minute. I could hear the hand held, red stop clock ticking. Nervousness began to attack me; each second seemed to pass by slower and faster than normal. Each breath got deeper and suffocating. I had no aplomb.

Before bewilderment had concluded, it was my turn. All four competitors, including myself, leapt into the limpid pool and went into 'ready' position. Mister Noble sounded the gun. We began the race. Reality came to being by the quarter mark. I was behind and nowhere near the half way mark, whilst others were halfway from the finish line! But I just kept swimming simply because I knew that we needed the points. By the time I reached the half way mark, I was exhausted and had no will to go on. Regardless, I kept pushing myself beyond my limit, even with the abundant gulps of the chlorinated water I ingested. Constantly taking five second breaks and trying my best, I pushed with inanimate strokes. Meanwhile I had friends, some of which were for opposition teams, cheering me on. After a few cups, strokes that seemed hopeless, I finally reached the finish line. Although we were last place, the team rejoiced over the one point gain. My accolade was reaching finish line regardless of the obstacles; simply content with taking part in work for my team.
ace   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / to become a cardiac surgeon - Wellesley College [2]

'When choosing a college, you are choosing an intellectual community and a place where you believe that you can live, learn, and flourish. To this end, the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals.'

Going through a list of colleges, which were suggested by my school counselor before I began my application process, I noticed Wellesley College; an institution I had never heard of. Immediately, I searched it on the internet. Wellesley homepage opened, immediately leaving me puzzled. All I saw was a building and females, with no form of masculinity. I could not believe it was an all girls' school! I did not know what to make of it, except that I had no interest in attending a school without any male students.

With the weeks slowly creeping by, Wellesley was still on my college list as I was mysteriously attracted to it. I could not find a puissant reason to remove it; maybe that was why the weeks seemed to drag. Eventually, I stumbled across a Forbes magazine article, dating eighth December 2009. Before reading the article, I made the article my decider as to whether I my application will be sent to Wellesley. As sudden as it is, I stuck to my decision. To my surprise I was convinced enough to apply to Wellesley by a women's college alumni who mentioned that female colleges build and enforce leadership skills. According to her, she would not have this strong trait if she were at a co-ed college, as she would be distracted by the need to impress guys. Another said, "Women's colleges tend to attract a very competitive and driven student base, and that's the group you are surrounding yourself with during these critical years." As I kept reading, I had an epiphany - college is not about boys and freedom, but mainly about setting a secure foundation, which I am content with, for my future. Towards the end of my days, I do not want to look back on my life only to regret my time spent.

Currently, I am striving to become a cardiac surgeon. I realized this after watching a medical reality show, which I had never had the slightest interest in. It was about a new born who desperately needed a heart transplant, or else she would not live to see the end of the week. After hours of surgery, the neonate survived, meanwhile I realized just how many lives I could help. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know that being at Wellesley will allow me learn to cope with my chosen field. With the vigorous language and biology classes, I have no doubt I will leave Wellesley ready to tackle medical school. Also, with over half of neuroscience seniors who graduate and venture into medical related fields, shows just how beneficial Wellesley College will be for me, as there will be a greater competition around me; allowing me to push myself to the limit.

Realizing Wellesley's benefits in my life, the learning possibilities at that point became endless. For example, I had already learnt that I should not reject something or someone without getting to know anything about it or them.
ace   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Harvard - Travelling experiences in a foreign country [4]

I woke up early with the sun rays penetrating my room in an unfamiliar manner. Then I remembered that I was in my aunt's Khayalami house. I recalled my visit to the infamous Park Bus Station in Johannesburg, which bustles with life day and night. The exterior area of the station is well known for some senseless, sadistic crimes. Rumor has it that there are traditional doctors who carry human body parts in their bags. Locals advise visitors to never leave the station premises alone, but to call a taxi to collect them within the concourse.

Once I came to terms with where I was, I prepared myself for a day out in the 'City of Gold'. I was excited to be in a 'real' city, but nervous about its reputation for having a high crime rate. My aunt, younger sister and I walked for five minutes to the nearest combie stop to catch a ride to Randburg. A combie is a ten seater van commonly used by the public for short distance travel. I found it amusing the way my aunt hailed the combie. Compared to Botswana, in Joburg the combies have no directional route written on them, and one has to point in a certain direction to show the route they would like; Randburg is shown by pointing the index finger downwards. The combie will stop if it is going in the direction one has shown.

Once I had noticed the multiple rusty patches on the outside of our transport, my amusement ended. The gray floor had suspicious red blotches on it. In a corner of the front row was a nearly knee high heap of chicken bones, crisp wrappers, coke cans, dried up tissue, an empty milk carton and a few mosquitoes buzzing around the heap of rubbish. But the worst had to be the hole in the floor, right in front of my seat, about twenty centimeters in diameter! I could actually see the road whenever I looked down!

Despite the driver's careful driving, his appearance did not help me feel at ease. He was large bald and wore a white shirt which had a brown blotch on the left shoulder. I felt very unsafe; I actually believed that he was plotting to kidnap us all.

On arrival, everyone got off. I was relieved! My younger sister then asked me where my bag was. Terrified, I rushed back to the combie, but I bumped into the driver, who had my bag. He handed it back, but I figured all my money was gone. Regardless, I thanked him. Once I was out of his sight, I quickly checked my money, and everything was there! I felt awful - how could I judge a man because of his fellow countrymen?
ace   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / A girl interested in Computer Science?! - NYU Supplement #4 [7]

Straight to the point...love the first line!!
but after that you are not ansering what interests you MOST about it...maybe you could write about your experience in making the robot and a particular thing that got you hooked ( I love how you overcame peoples' expectations of you)

Are you also limited to a certain number of words or characters?
I hope i havent confussed you! good luck!
ace   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Rochester second short answer: diff. points of view. [4]

You could remove the last line...i feel that once you have said 'I believe such people are Rochester students' is good enough it left me feeling like you KNOW what you are and heading!

OR
I believe such people are Rochester students. With my talents and enthusiasm in Biology, I will contribute to the Meliora: Ever better Rochester community
ace   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Essay - McDonald's [5]

You could say even my granmother who has never walked into a McDonald's, knows about it.
I think its clearer
ace   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Princeton Supplement - answer to quote on extraordinary things in everyday life [5]

I think they all start with the end of a long Canadian winter (think is not a good thing, sound persuasive and definate. You can always go on the net to read the first page if you dnt have book)

and sometimes even kitchen appliances (this line is not working out. If you are going to use it, try saying something funny that is normally not sold at yard sales)

It was also an opportunity for my parents to socialize and practice their English, despite the fact that the only practice they get is through bargaining(what is your native language? I wud be curious to know, you could add that in)You could mention it here : for us as new immigrants from....

Yet, this little tradition still holds a special place in my heart, andas I always think back to those yard sale days with a smile

very creative!!
ace   
Aug 21, 2012
Student Talk / The aim of life [56]

Life is the name of continuous struggle and without an aim or setting a goal we cannot lead a happy life.

Wise words..
ace   
Aug 29, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'away from non smokers' - essay on smoking in public places [7]

You're right - in general the extensive studies have shown that marichuana kills brain cells / IQ. That means - the smoker appears to be happy/relaxed in the long term because he doesn't perceive the world as a 'normal' human would. In other words, his/her perception of the world is distorted. It's probably more dangerious to young people than smoking (smoking kills lungs; marichuana kills soul).
ace   
Sep 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Athletes and sports professionals deserve it' - essay [11]

In conclusion, although athelists and sprots fessionals earn more money than other proffesions,

You need to enable spell checker because many of your sentences, like the one below, have simple spelling errors.
ace   
Sep 1, 2012
Poetry / "I Am" poem help [10]

"I am ... still young."
"I hear ... life is not easy."
ace   
Sep 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / The world is changing fast, people are less happy. [3]

People is becoming

People ARE becoming

Walking in some factories, we have very advanced techniques, namely, steel and petro.

Not sure if steel and petro are 'techniques' (also, they were used ceuntries ago so they cannot be very advanced?).

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