This essay is 99% about what happened, and 1% about how it affected you.
Not to sound inconsiderate, but colleges don't care about how your loved one died. Rather, they care about how that person's passing affected you.
And a last thing: you should try using "best friend" instead of "boyfriend". I feel like talking about relationships is a bit risky in college admissions. Seeing a "best friend" die in a motorcycle accident is a lot more touching than a "boyfriend". But that might just be me. Good luck.
Speaking as a Stanford student, none of these are good. I fail to see how any of the 3 options portray Stanford more than say... Harvard or Princeton or Yale. More rule of thumb is: If you replace Stanford with Harvard and everything still makes sense, then the essay doesn't work. You need way more specifics, such as what type of special courses Stanford offers, or special events. As of right now, it is too generic and you have almost no chance of getting in. But don't worry - you still have time to change it! Good luck.
I love how only the last 20% of your essay mentions Yale. Even then, I find it interesting that you love the Malone Engineering Center because it is "aesthetically pleasing and brilliant", not because it provides infinite research opportunities to explore the field of engineering. Spend more time talking about Yale and what you plan to contribute. Good luck.
Hmm... it'd be nice if Penn actually had a Biomedical Engineering major. Also, you should talk more about Penn than about yourself. Anyways, good luck!
Does JHU have a Rubik's Cube Club? I'm not sure why you are talking about playing the Rubik's Cube when the prompt is "What activities do you plan to engage as an undergraduate AT Johns Hopkins?" For example... clubs, programs, events, etc etc etc. You can definitely talk about playing the Rubik's Cube, but this is the wrong place to do so.
I will focus on content: You have to be wayyyyy more specific. What clubs are you going to be active in? What movie club? You need to do some research and put it in your essay.
"what activities do you plan to engage as an undergraduate at Johns Hopkins"
They're not looking for one. And honestly... if the only thing you say you want to participate in at JHU is cricket, then your chance of getting admitted is very slim. You must talk about JHU's activities, extracurriculars, programs, clubs, etc.
This essay asks: "What is most appealing about Columbia"
You mentioned... two or three things. PICK ONE.
Also, talking about "following the footsteps of three generation of doctors" does nothing to help your application. It is wasting valuable words that you can spend talking about Columbia's various extracurricular activities. Plus, it depicts you as a "follower" rather than a "leader". You don't want to follow the footsteps, you want to take new steps outward.
Lastly, there are plenty of universities in NYC with access to the places you mentioned. Why do you want to come to Columbia to experience them? That's what you left out in your essay.
Overall, I think it's a good Why Columbia essay. If you want to make it even better, work on tightening it. As in... your essay right now is too all over the place. So maybe focus on a few specifics and really mention what you plan to contribute to those Columbia programs (and why you became interested in them). Good luck!
You really have to mention Penn's SPECIFIC programs and how you plan to contribute to them. It is not enough to just mention what field you want to go into. You have to talk about how Penn's programs can help you reach that goal.
It's very well written and it's certainly not a bad essay. But I'm sure you know that many people with your background is also applying to MIT. What makes you stand out?
I faced a similar issue when I was writing my MIT essay. I want to genuinely describe the world where I come from, but those topics are too hackneyed and they don't give me a chance to stand out. So instead, I focused on a tiny event in my life that eventually became the blossoming point. But anyways, it's up to you. Good luck!
I wouldn't use the New York City as a reason. I heard from the Columbia admission officer that almost every single application describes that as a plus. Why not NYU? Or Stony Brook? Or CUNY? I'm sure they give free access as well...
Also, you never answered the prompt, which is: "what do you find MOST appealing about Columbia". You named so many different things, but you need to pick ONE.
Otherwise, the things you named were fine. I wouldn't go far to say it "stands out", because it really doesn't. You should try to write something unique... somethign that relates to you, and how Columbia can help you pursue that.
Personally, I don't think you should talk about 20 different things at once. Like you said, it is only the "tip of the iceberg". Therefore, you should focus on one or two aspects of your personality that stands out the MOST. A lot of people are athletic, a lot are of people love to cook, you get the point. What sets you apart? Convey that and you just nailed this essay :)
Your Common App essay is indeed amazing - you have overcome so much to be at where you are today.
With that said, you should reflect on another aspect of your life or your personality in this supplement. Maybe something more lighthearted that can complement your Common App. That way, you have two essays combining to make a formidable duo that make it hard for an admission officer to put to the "reject" pile. Usually, two separate essays shouldn't touch upon the same topics. Good luck!
You want to get straight to the point, and not start talking about Columbia during the last 1/3 part of your essay. You can begin the essay with "When I learned that upon admittance to Columbia, each student receives a copy of The Iliad..." and your essay would still be equally effective. But now, you can add a lot more things about Columbia itself and why it's attractive to you. Good luck.
Uhh... this does not sound like a MIT-caliber essay. Anyone can mess around with a TI-89. You have to think outside the box - what would a MIT student do?
You should cut the first paragraph and you can add another sentence or two about how you plan on contributing to Stanford's community. When you think about it, the first paragraph really doesn't say anything the rest of your essay doesn't cover.
I like it. Since it's only 205 words, you should definitely work towards that 250 limit. Add more of your analysis, maybe expanding on the idea of "What strength do I have when I can't even relate to the Korean War on a personal level?" Good luck.
Unfortunately, this is not a place to write a biography of Woodrow Wilson. I barely learned about who YOU are in this essay. A cliche is a cliche - don't write about it unless that person has some kind of personal connection to you.
"Stanford has been a pioneer in Engineering over the past few decades. It has been the home of Google, Yahoo, HP, and many more aspiring ideas. Stanford's location in the heart of the Silicon Valley, allows it to offer an unparalleled engineering curriculum"
I think the admission officers already know this - no need to repeat it. Similarly, the first 2 paragraphs can be omitted as well. You need to talk about how you plan to contribute to Stanford's unique community (and define what that community means to you). Good luck.
Umm... the Yale supplemental essay is not a place to write a book report, which is what your essay essentially is. I barely learned anything about who you are. But you still have another 24 hours and 20 minutes (it's due on Jan 1 at 11:59PM EST). I would write about something else or rewrite the 3rd paragraph to reflect how the book has affected you.
To be honest, writing about the "immigrant experience" should be all but avoided. It is a very cliche topic. Don't get me wrong, it can be an AMAZING essay, but the topic itself is just too common for the essay to be meaningful. If you have another essay, I would use that.
It's not a bad essay - I just doubt it will mean much to the admission officers, who have read thousands of essays just like this.
You should expand upon the ideas you mentioned in the last paragraph. Why Cornell should take up roughly 1/3 to 1/2 of your essay, not just one little paragraph at the end. So definitely be specific on why you think Cornell can help you contribute to your goal and how you can benefit the community in return. Good luck.
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