Writing Feedback / Admired characteristic to understand ourselves [6]

Please help me to write better. I am not confident with my writing since I have been failed my writing test so many times. This is my practice essay. I don't mind any criticze if I have made horible grammar errors. Thanks for your time

Topic: which admired characteristics you admire, support your point?

Response:

Some people, at least, have one admired characteristic that is inspired other, whether the characteristics are productive, brave, enthusiastic, friendly, and so on. Have you ever exclaimed "I don't understand that person"? Yes, it is complicated to fully understand other. Nonetheless, when you can identify other's characteristic, you probably gain your social interact with them and enhance companionship. As for me, there are many wonderful characteristics I may look up to, but best of all are educated, generous, and successful.

In today's society, values of a person depend on how he or she is educated. In fact, one's knowledge is not limited beyond school degrees; he or she can also achieve from life experiences. For instance, although country farmers may never step on classroom any single day, they know very well how to help a cow to deliver her calf. Our society place premium on educated people; they are advantageous and privileged. They high understanding and wisdom often contribute great advice to people in under some circumstances; therefore, they are often respected and given important position by the community.

While being educated requires time to acquire, generosity is often an act that comes from heart. A generous person is natural beauty and lovable. There is, at least, once in your life, you have received help from others, either physical, mental, or financial help. At the moment you have been helped, you realize that life would be easier with concern from others. For instance, a youngster, who recently has lost his or her beloved one, needs only a shoulder to lean or cry on. Generosity cultivates our souls, both the giver and the receiver have equal blessing.

Last, successful characteristic is always admired because it is a proof of task achievement. Nevertheless, success is not only defined how wealthy one may possess or counted on luxurious materialistic affordability, but also counted as simple as accomplishment. When a person tries hard to quit smoking, and in the end he would be able to accomplish his goal, he is considered a successful one. Moreover, successful characteristic is required for all of us; it boosts energy and lifts our spirit.

Each of us carries some characteristics that others may look up to or criticize for. Some best major of admirations are educated, generous, and successful. However, knowing how to identify characteristics may help us understand other person better and improve our social relationship. Best of all, it can help us to understand ourselves.

Writing Feedback / Several short breaks v.s long break in schools [2]

Hi all! please take your time to comment, edit, and revise my essay. I really need help to improve my writing. Thanks!
Topic: schools should give several short breaks throughout the year or long summer vacation to students, which one you prefer? support your answer.

We students are often looking forward to seeing summer; it can be a time for older students to work summer jobs for earning extra money, and younger students may enjoy their countless desired activities. However, different schools have different lengths of day off. Many schools offer students a traditional summer, which is almost three months off, while a few schools give students several short breaks throughout the year. They reason that those breaks would release students better from schoolwork overwhelming. Although the two policies provide students equal days of absence, I prefer long summer vacation because of its greater benefits to students and their parents as well.

Not so many parents can afford for several vacations throughout the year because of the high costs of air faire, game tickets, and food- these are the basis needs of an ordinary vacation. Some opponents contradict that a picnic day at the park doesn't cost a penny. This observation is quite true at some point. Nonetheless, working parents do not have as many breaks as their children do. In fact, some employers do not offer vacation days to their employees. Spare time for those workers is available only when they are caught in an illness. For working parents with younger children, school-in-break is a burden because they have to think about where to send these kids. Often that daycare center is a solution with extra charge because of short-time enrollment.

Supporters of "short break", then, claim that staying home short time helps students memorize better of previous learning after they come back to school. However, long vacation doesn't mean sleeping, eating, and playing for almost three months. Indeed, the vacationers would take this precious time to register in some vocational or hobby classes that haven't offered yet in their school such as soap opera, karate, or movie acting. These class sessions require at least four to eight weeks completing whereas short break is not provided enough time; as a result, long vacation contributes students a substantial time to enhance their recreation and to balance out their schoolwork. Also, this is a chance for financial independents to work for extra income; hence, summer for those people is necessary rather than preferable.

Moreover, many exchanged students learn in the U.S schools are coming from different countries in the world. So do abroad students. Traditional summer is a great occasion for them to visit family and relatives in their hometown. It gives them a full relaxation and dramatic family reunion. What is more important is that long break reduces the number of absences when schools are resumed. Many students in short-break policy schools are forced to miss their attendant because there isn't enough time for them to travel in and out the nation within a week. Some students are lucky enough to have their family closer distance; yet, they still exhaust and perform poorly at school because they do not get enough rest during their off days.

Students nowadays are likely busier than students of a few decades ago. Perhaps students in the modern's day have to catch up so much information at the same time; therefore, finding an adequate time to balance out schoolwork is crucial to their life. Consequently, long summer vacation allows students to step out their ordinary school's days and to enter an adventurous time with full of enjoyment and relaxation, which contribute a great deal to academic success.

Writing Feedback / "My fortunate life" - childhood experience affects to people's life [4]

Please help me with this essay, somehow I feel my word choice is not advanced enough for college level. Thanks
Prompt: Many childhood experiences leave lifelong impressions on people. Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood experience and explain its effect on your life.

Response:

Often that childhood experiences affect greatly to people's thinking and to the way they behave in their adulthoods. Although I had faced an extremely difficult time when I was young, I have perceived many positive aspects of life from my experience when I grow up. My ancestors were anchored in a small village in Vietnam. My grandparents gave birth to ten children. One lost in the war, and some died of illness mistreatment. Before my mother turned twenty, illness had pulled her parents to their graves, leaving her five younger siblings to take care of. Two years later, my mother married a young lieutenant, my father, and this generous man helped to support her brother and sisters. However, fortunate star didn't smile to my mother for so long. A crisis came along when the communist took over the South Vietnam, forced my father to the reeducated camp site, leaving my misfortunate mother four months pregnant with me.

Our living condition was hard after the event. My mother, uncle, aunts, and I had to live in a hut without electricity or running water. We had only one bamboo bed for my younger aunts and I, and the others had to sleep in a mat on the floor. None of my aunts and uncle could afford for high school's tuition, and they were forced to labor at their teens. I still remember vividly our hut's roof, made by palm and coconut leaves that would be needed to replace before each raining season. How I could forget waking up at night when the water dropped on my face because of the leaking on the roof. Money was not plenty in our home, and we often had to fear what tomorrow might bring. Playing doll and electric toys were not existed. I could only dare to dream about having a big feast tomorrow.

Living in poverty during my childhood had taught me well to value for what I have. While other people complain life in the U.S is so tough and stressed, I am always grateful to be given a chance working on a risk-free environment and having health insurance coverage, as well as having other benefits. Best of all, I am working in teaching career, which is my best interest. Yet, I am not earning plenty from my job but satisfying with my daily occurrence.

In addition to my childhood life, I am fortunate to have a dedicated mother, who had worked deadly in the rice field in order to get me a proper education, and who constantly reminded me how education is important to one's life. Her words have always traveled with me, "hard working and education are the core of success." Despite the fact that I had only two years of high school and couldn't understand English in first year, I graduated high school with honor and achieved my four-year degree. I accomplished my goals not because I was a super smart or talented person, but because I strived hard to succeed and did my best.

Whenever I meet my obstacles in life, and I am tempted to withdraw, I try to remember my old days. Those days remind me of how fortunate of my current life and also of many children in the world who live in poor condition and work in risk zone.

Writing Feedback / What changes should be made in U.S public education? [3]

Please check my grammars, word choices, paragraphs, punctuations, and many other errors. Any reader's suggestions would be great help for my writing. Thanks

Topic: If you are granted changes in U.S public education, what would they be?
Answer:

Although public education in the U.S is considered one of the best educational systems in the world, our rate of school poor performance is high in compared with other countries. Our students are lack of motivation in learning. So if I am asked to make changes in the U.S public education, I would add school tuition from K-12 as well as reward students with best average grades. These new changes would help them to perform better at school and foster a sense of competition.

Many parents glance at the changes and may disagree with them, worrying how they could afford tuition for their children. However, in order to maintain education's availability for everyone, the new law would also lower parents' deduction on their paychecks. Besides, school payment can be credited on parents' income tax return. This guarantees that the new law is not an economic burden for parents; rather it offers them an opportunity sharing their responsibility to the community. They must be aware that their money would be wasted if their children drop out of school. Therefore, the tuition motivates parents contribute more time helping their children at home with school works.

In addition to having the school fee, the new law is also supporting schools giving cash or other kinds of financial rewards to students who have 3.9 or 4.0 GPA. The idea, at first, may seem turning students into unabashed capitalists too early in life. Nevertheless, it intends to encourage young people excel academically. In some developed countries, parents need to pay their children's education, and at early age, the children in those countries acknowledge that going to school is their privilege and so is their duty. Therefore, they show a great degree of success at school.

Some people would assume that educational incentive can create competition and might cause of school stress for young students. Indeed, competition boosts their energy and prepares students ahead of time. Recently, analysis shows that the vast majority America's top high school science competitors are the children of new immigrants. This little information reflects that those students who either born in the U.S or emigrate from other countries have been well-trained to work hard at school while native students haven't recognized its importance. If they do not prepare to be competitive, they will soon hit with the high achievers and get left behind, suffering from academic failures.

In essence, the changes might be new to some parents and students, but they are practical in many countries in the world with a great success. It is time to introduce to our students the old concept that they may not know: any hard work is rewarding. Realizing how important competition is, students will be more productive at school. After all, paying for college is agreeable, so why wouldn't we apply the same policy for K-12.