Writing Feedback / What are the reasons behind lack of facilities &services for disabled population? [3]

We see many people with physical and mental disabilities and live in pathetic conditions. In fact, the recent statistical datastatistics suggestsuggests that approximately aroundabout ten percent of the global population is handicapped. This means, there should be proper provision of facilities and services for them to take care of disabled population in each and every corner of the world, which, sadly does not exist.is not the reality.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: we should not ignore the traditional food; fast foods need be supervised [5]


.... that too has some grammar issues. These are few sentences I suggest ;
There is a growing trend in the world today that people favoring the international fast foods to their traditional home cooked foods.
In many countries, the international fast foods have shown a major increase in consumption against the traditional foods.
Today, the international fast foods are becoming more and more popular and traditional foods have begun to lose their place in society.

Writing Feedback / We are always told that money is the most fundamental if one wants to make his own living [5]

Well, as I set my eyes on your essay, the first feeling I had was that whether you've been able to finish this essay on time. It looks a bit lengthy and since this is a time bound task, you need to be careful with the time factor. Had you managed time well, then no issue :D

For me, it is the experience and happiness of a job that accountmatter the most and not the salary.
Admittedly, on no account can we can deny that earning as many dollars as we can is the primary motivation for each employeefor every employee.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Too much freedom for children affected their studies [2]


I like yoru approach towards the intorduction. However, I wish you removed the last line as it is not going to add much value to your essay. It in fact disturbs your flow.

Firstly, nowadays more children are participating in co-curricular activities today, along with their studies and excel well both in extra activities and studies. This shows that parents have given independencefreedom tofor their children to select and participate in their interested activitiesfollow the interest of their children, which made them more focused and well organized.

Writing Feedback / Number of languages in the world and its impact on global safety [4]

You should have mentioned the purpose of writing this essay, for example - IELTS, TOEFL etc., in the title itself. That helps you earn more task relevant feedbacks from others. The next point is that you should have included the full prompt in the same post for us to get a better understanding about it. That helps us align our comments better with your topic :)

There are a lot of different countries onin the world, soand that leads to have many different cultures and diverse languages.

Writing Feedback / Payment is very vital factor to consider while choose employer [3]

Wisely selected job makes one happy in life for long run.in the long run.


Why do not you try to express your ideas more direct? You have expressed the above idea in a more complex way that the reader has to strain himself to understand what you finally come out with. Try and avoid complicated ways of expressing ideas. Write simple and interesting sentences that help you arouse the reader's interest.

Writing Feedback / "Bangla" - workers from Bangladesh in Malaysia [3]

'Bangla' is one of the common descriptions we use to describe foreign construction workers in Malaysia, irrespective if they are actually Bangladesh of the fact that they are with Bangladeshi nationality. The implied meaning attached to the wordthis term has beenwas that it meant that they wereworkers who were dirty, smelly, rude, etc.

Writing Feedback / An increasing amount of students have negative attitude of learning. Why is this happening? [5]


This is the opening sentence of your essay, which should be the hook that can grab the reader's attention at once towards your writing. So, it needs to be an interesting and meaningful idea. What you have written above sounds a bit abrupt and not very interesting to be a good hook :(

One of thesuch serious issues is that an increasing number of students havehaving a negative feeling towards study.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, there is an ever increasing amount of noise in our everyday lives. Reasons and solutions [3]

I guess you have written this essay for IELTS or TOEFL preparation. It is good if you mention that purpose in the title itself so that we could provide you with more task relevant feedbacks :)


... this is a very very confusing sentence :( Your prompt is asking for the reasons for noise and I do not understand how you are going to tackle that question :(

You need to pay more attention with regard to the alignment of your writing and the prompt.

Writing Feedback / Extinction of some languages will make life easier through improving the efficiency and employment [6]


.... actually , it is not the rapid development, but rapid advancement of globalization :)
Some people believe that it will benefitfor the lifelives of people and society would be more benefited with less language around the world.


Well, this does not answer your prompt effectively. You do not talk about the benefit of letting your language die. You can learn and be conversant in the major language of your country, yet still keep your minority language alive. What is the benefit you see by extinction of the minority language? That is the question your prompt is asking you.

Writing Feedback / Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. [3]

Well, what is the purpose of writing this essay? Is it for practicing IELTS or TOEFL? It is good if you mention your purpose in the title itself so that we can provide you with task related feedbacks. Also, you should have included the full prompt in the post for us to understand your topic better in order to provide you with more meaningful comments.

Excellent writing :)


It is good that you used this reason to defend your position on the issue and body para is the place for such reasoning.
You display excellent writing skills :)

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay: advertisements whose target is young children should be banned [4]

Ok, I think it is good had you included the full essay prompt in your post. It helps us understand your topic better and align our comments accordingly. Also, at a glance, I feel you need to pay more attention to your essay structure. Your body paras , especially the first one, seems pretty big. This task is very sensitive on time management and if you do not complete the task on time, then you would be in trouble for marks. So, follow a structure that helps you include all the features, which are essential for scoring marks and also helps you manage time effectively.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Celebrities & Their Influences [5]

Some people argue that adolescentsyoung people are being influenced badly by untalented people celebrities who have become famous thanks to their luxurious lifestyle andvanity, extravagant lifestyle and wealth. To some extentHowever, I do not agree with this statement.view for some reasons.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - automobiles have changed our lives [3]

In my personal view automobiles are the ones that have brought have a new era of transportation.
Yes... I can see eddies has provide you some great advice. You certainly need to work on your approach for this task. You need to have paragraphs separated and they should include an introduction, body paragraphs (at least two) and a conclusion. Visit our TOEFL and IELTS essays and you would get a good understanding as to how you should construct your essay.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The role of parents and school in teaching children [2]

Firstly, parents have major influence on children's behaviour, especially when they are 3-to 5-years-olds.very young.


Children, by nature, imprint every behavior of their parents just like the ducklings follow the mother duck. Therefore the parents need to be careful with their behavioral patterns as children may follow both good and bad of their parents.

Writing Feedback / SAT ; We place far too much emphasis on experience and achievement in our society [5]

However, aside from character, there are many more external factors that also affect a person's development .(I like if you stop here and start a new sentence). such as luck, Luck, family background and evenhealth can be considered as some of those other important factors .

Today, Hitler is widely condemned as a warlikeruthless criminal who had taken the lifelives of millions of innocent people.

Writing Feedback / What is alternatives to reduce industrial pollution? replace harmful industries [2]

Pollution is a vital problem worldwide. Developing countries are becoming industrialized that leads to increase pollutedmore environmental pollutionenvironment. In my opinion levying more duty on factories and anothersome other course of action, introducing environmental policies and controlling bodies, helps tohelp arrest this issueminimize pollution.

You seem to be having a good vocabulary knowledge. However, you need to pay more attention to grammar.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: An effective leader tries to make others feel they are part of the decision-making process. [4]

It's good to include your full prompt in the post so that we get a better understanding as to what it expects from you. Do it from next time you open a fresh thread :)


Is your prompt specific on business decisions? Or was it a general issue on any decision making ? I guess it is the second one and if so, make sure you always stay with your prompt.

First and foremost, group discussion offers more suitablematured and careful decisions than the ones made b y a single person does.

Writing Feedback / Adolescents are being influenced badly by untalented people who become famous [5]


Yes, msarkar is right. You should always do that as it gives us an opportunity to understand what your prompt requires from you.


...Here it is :)
Now let's have a look at your first sentence;


Here you do not categorically refer to the celebrities. All famous people are not celebrities and your prompt specifically talks about the celebrities. You need to stay aligned with the prompt throughout your writing :)

Writing Feedback / Unpaid community service - "great stepping stone for high school institutions" [6]

Salmon has already suggested you the approach we generally recommend to follow for the introduction for this task. Now let's pay attention to the other important parts of your essay.

Body paragraphs - Here you need to give the reasons (one reason per body para) to defend your opinion on the issue. Also support this reason with a specific example.

Conclusion - Sum up everything you said above and re-instate your opinion.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Several languages die out in the world [4]

Language is a symbol of our nation.culture. ... Well, a nation may consists of so many communities that speak different languages. However, the language plays a very prominent place in one's culture.

Recently, some languages have begun to disappear year-by-year and many people argue that this phenomenon is not giving a bad impact for people life if in this world has fewer languages.going to have any bad impact on society as they believe that fewer the languages, easier the life would become.

Writing Feedback / essay: following the host country's culture for visitors [5]

Excellent introduction. You display very good writing skills - good grammar, vocabulary, presentation of ideas :) However, I like if you stated your opinion before concluding the introduction instead of the line that you have written last in this para. It sounds too vague and in my personal opinion, it does not add any value to your flow. Had you stated your opinion there, then it would help you convince your reader better.

Writing Feedback / 'healthy diet and adequate exercises' - Methods to improve public health [4]

Well, I think you need to introduce the background of the issue more elaborately. This is my suggestion for your intro;


Good health is the key for a happy life. Therefore improving public health is one of the main objectives of any government. Some people believe that this can be achieved by enhancing sports facilities. However, the others view that increasing sports facilities would not have much effect on improving public health.

Writing Feedback / GRE-118: views we share vs views contradict our own and learning from it [2]

Why are you having three parts for the introduction. You should have had all these sentences in on para and present it as your introductory para.

People whose oppositewho oppose our opinions usually have grown up in terms of learning.
I do not understand the second part of this sentence :(

Writing Feedback / IELTS Education plays an important role in the socioeconomic status of a country [3]

Well... you write very well. Good grammar, vocabulary , flow etc. However, I believe you need to pay a little more attention to your approach for this task. I think your intro and body paras need to be more aligned with task requirements. In the intro, have these parts - Hook, background of the issue and your opinion. Then in your body paras, have the reasons to justify your opinion and then support them with specific examples.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS) Studying abroad is a trend among university students in Turkey [5]

It is always good to include your prompt in the post so that we can have a better understanding about what it really requires from you. In this case we really don't have a clear idea as to your prompt is specific to Turkey or it is just a general topic. If your prompt is open to all countries, then do not narrow down its scope in the introduction by making reference to Turkey. In that case you can have Turkey as an example in body paras.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Abortion Should Be illegal? People should think of the consequences [4]

Recently, abortionsincreaseshave increased rapidly and becomesthe issue has become a controversial topic. Some people supposebelieve that abortions should be legalized while others are against it. such legalization.

What is your opinion on that? Include that in the last sentence before concluding your intro :)

Undergraduate / PS - There are two ways to be happy: improve your reality or lower your expectations [2]


Let's have a look at your prompt;


I feel this suggests that you need to be more specific when talking about your disappointment. Tell what made you disappointed and how you responded to it. And then how that experience helped you grow as a person. I think you need to be more specific when dealing with this task and elaborate more on your personal experience, efforts to overcome or face the challenge and then the lessons learned.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS) a country benefits from more and more university students [5]

However, the publicsome people has doubt about the beneficial effect of college education and they believe these policies will drive up unemployment rate.
ifIf more and more students go toattend university, the society will have more intellectuals and thereby become more stableresourceful and secure.disciplined.

You need to align your writing more with the main idea of the prompt.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay Task 2: entertaining and educational functions of Museums [7]


This is good, but I like if you have been a bit more specific on the views in your first sentence.
On the one hand, tourists often go to visit museums for entertainment purposes. ..."go" makes "visit" redundant.


.... "funniest destinations"? .... I find it sounds a bit rude.... I believe this is what you intended to say;
Particularly, the museums are often voted as the best attractions for amusement in some countries.


In this body para, you are not actually attempting to justify your opinion :(

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: 11 month study period for a better, more efficient education [2]


You need to improve your approach for introduction. This introduction fails to introduce your prompt to the reader. The main objective of your intro is to introduce the issue that your prompt talks about. Here you begin your intro by stating your opinion on the issue and assume that the reader knows the issue already. It is always good to introduce the issue to the reader and then state your opinion just before you conclude the intro.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY - center for business vs agriculture (farming) research choice [3]

I agree with eddies .... your intro needs improvement. I think you better introduce the prompt itself. In this case your prompt talks of a more specific issue and I think you should behave within that scope. This is what I suggest;


Research studies play an important role in the development of a country. Recently, one of the universities has announced its plan of setting up a research center in my country and some sections of our society wants this center to be a business research center. However, the other people wish it to be planned for agriculture research studies. In my personal view, I too would favor a research center for agriculture for my country because it has a more agro-based economy.

Scholarship / Journalism: facts, events, truths - why I should be considered for scholarship [5]


I love the way you have begun the essay.
Telling these truths and facts to the world through visuals & words excite me.


I think you have repeated almost the same idea in this section and I wish you cut it shorter to save it from repetition. The reader may get bored otherwise!

Overall, I think you have done a good job :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Advertising makes people buy products that they really do not need [8]


You have written this very clearly. However, it does not follow the most appropriate approach for the intro. In the intro, the most important aspect is that introducing the issue to the reader. So you need to be more descriptive than this in that task. This is the approach I suggest for the intro for this task;

1. Hook - write an interesting sentence to grab the attention of the reader
2. Background - Introduce the issue to the reader by paraphrasing the prompt.
3. Thesis statement - Express your opinion clearly.

Writing Feedback / Person can only be happy if he has got a job which he enjoy [4]

It is always good to include the purpose of writing , e.g. IELTS, TOEFL etc., in your title for the others to provide you with more meaningful and task related feedbacks. Also include the full prompt in your post too and that will help us understand what it really requires from you.

ut the most important thing everyone forgets is that they actually like where they are working.the work they do.

Writing Feedback / Making money or traveling before entering university is valuable for students [2]

At present, it is commonlyoften recommended that young people graduate from high school should to go out to work or travel for one year before theyengage in work or travel aroundyoung people graduate enter universitybefore they begin their university career. In my opinion, the effectiveness of this decision varies from the subject you plan to learn during the university.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: we should not ignore the traditional food; fast foods need be supervised [5]

peoplePeople prefer international fast foods rather than traditional foods that their family make has become more commonplace now. .... the latter part os very very confusing... what do you try to mean?

You need to improve a lot on the approach , especially the introduction. First, introduce the issue by paraphrasing the prompt. Then state your opinion very clearly.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: How British people spending their money on fast foods? Chart [5]

Where is the chart? Without having a look at the chart it is difficult to provide you with meaningful feedbacks. Use the "Attach file(s)" feature in the Message Block to upload images.

Also, follow this approach for this task - Introduction ( Introduce the graph), Overview (discuss the main trends very briefly to give an overall idea about the graph to the reader), Detail paras.

Writing Feedback / Fixed punishments for crimes may improve the efficiency, decrease the crime rate [4]

Many people argue that it will be benefitbeneficial for the society's stability and human rights if we treat the crime flexible


What do you mean by this part? It is not at all clear to us :(
Write one sentence per idea to deliver your ideas with more clarity,

Writing Feedback / IELTS - learning languages at an early age bracket benefits more than deteriorates. [4]

Sure :)
This my suggestion for your introduction;
Literacy on foreign languages is a great advantage in the modern world. (your hook) Therefore people today are very keen on teaching foreign languages to their children. Some people believe that children should not wait until secondary school level to learn a foreign language. According to this view, the children should start learning a foreign language at the primary school itself.(background of the issue)I too believe that children should begin to learn a foreign language at primary school.(your opinion)