Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "the start of something new, exhilarating, and not experienced" - Why U Chicago essay [14]
I submitted a month ago. This thread is closed.
I submitted a month ago. This thread is closed.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "My passion for tennis, My Community" - communities you belong to [2]
I submitted. This thread is closed.
I submitted. This thread is closed.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Emory College why Emory. "The wise heart seeks knowledge" [3]
Emory will provide me with a placeto be unique, to grow, to educate my inquiring mind, and to interact with a diverse body of people.
As an Emory student, Ican see myself achieving academic success, engaging in revolutionary research, training to become an EMT-Intermediate, and participating in the Emory European Politics Program.
At Emory College, I can pursue my academic disciplines of Political Science and Psychology without limits.as there are no limits to an Emory education.
My heart desires the knowledge acquired through a Emory education.professors.
Emory will provide me with a place
As an Emory student, I
At Emory College, I can pursue my academic disciplines of Political Science and Psychology without limits.
My heart desires the knowledge acquired through a Emory education.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / I want to be a leader. Why Oxford essay [5]
With the multitude of opportunities offered at Oxford, I will be able to pursue my various interests, such as writing an article for The Spokesman, participating in Theory- Practice/Service Learning (TPSL), or rock climbing on the quad
Similarly, with the flexible liberal arts curriculum offered at Oxford College, I will receive a holistic education, taking interesting courses such as Human Nature in Politics from the Feminine Perspective, encompassing both my academic interests of Political Science and Psychology.
Therefore, I am making a decision about my future by choosing to be a leader,byand choosing to apply to Oxford College.
The last two sentences are kind of weird you may want to consider changing them.
With the multitude of opportunities offered at Oxford, I will be able to pursue my various interests, such as writing an article for The Spokesman, participating in Theory- Practice/Service Learning (TPSL), or rock climbing on the quad
Similarly, with the flexible liberal arts curriculum offered at Oxford College, I will receive a holistic education, taking interesting courses such as Human Nature in Politics from the Feminine Perspective, encompassing both my academic interests of Political Science and Psychology.
Therefore, I am making a decision about my future by choosing to be a leader,
The last two sentences are kind of weird you may want to consider changing them.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Why Michigan? Political Science and Psychology [4]
Consequently, Subsequently, I believe the University of Michigan is the perfect place to implement my personalized career path, majoring in Political Science and Psychology in The College of Literature, Science, and the Arts.
Therefore, in an MLC, I would be connected with students and professors who share my interests.
You answered the promt fully and overall I think this is a good essay. Good luck.
Therefore, in an MLC, I would be connected with students and professors who share my interests.
You answered the promt fully and overall I think this is a good essay. Good luck.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "marching band" - UMich Short Essay -COMMUNITY [2]
This show was one of the many I was yet to march in over my four years of high school
Soon, I realized that being timid would not get me anywhere if I wanted to be a leader, so I learned how to be assertive and gain the respect of my peers, while still having fun
Learning a new piece of music is always a challenge full of discovery, and performing it well brings out the joy in me and all of my fellow band students.- get rid of the comma
Thusly, I am reminded that I am not justonly a member of my high school's band, but also a member of a worldwide community of musicians that I hope to further discover as a member of the Michigan Marching Band.
Please edit my Why Michigan essay.
This show was one of the many I was yet to march in over my four years of high school
Soon, I realized that being timid would not get me anywhere if I wanted to be a leader, so I learned how to be assertive and gain the respect of my peers, while still having fun
Learning a new piece of music is always a challenge full of discovery, and performing it well brings out the joy in me and all of my fellow band students.- get rid of the comma
Thus
Please edit my Why Michigan essay.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Psychology and research- Why University of Michigan [NEW]
I have always considered myself an explorer. Even as a toddler I wanted to see and experience everything around me. Unfortunately, most of my explorations ended with me being lost. While my navigational skills have greatly improved since then, my passion for exploration persists.
As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity of the world around me continues to develop and will only be heightened at the University of Michigan. With well equipped professors, laboratories, and medical research opportunities, I look forward to exploring all U-M has to offer. In pursuit of a degree in Behavioral and Cognitive Neuroscience or Development, Psychopathology and Mental Health, I will explore the inner workings of the human mind to better understand how people think. During my four years at the University of Michigan, I plan to take part in many psychology research projects such as the Family Relationships project, Judgment and Decision Lab, and the Evolution of Social behavior Laboratory. By taking part in psychology research, I would receive hands on education of the material I am learning in class and see actual studies taking place.
For me, The University of Michigan is the start of something new, something exhilarating, something that can't be experienced elsewhere. As a member of the University of Michigan community, I will consistently be learning both inside and outside of my classes. Here I can concentrate on receiving my major in psychology, while using my autonomy to start my own organization. In addition, I can join existing organizations such as the Black Premedical Association Student Society, Reach Out, and EnAct.
At U-M, I know that I can accomplish anything and everything no matter how minuscule. With a student body that hails from many states and various countries, I would be able to explore my love of learning, while stepping outside of my usual surroundings to learn about other cultures first hand. With University of Michigan's study abroad programs, I would be able to broaden my knowledge of foreign countries and languages, while still receiving the excellent education that U-M has to offer. Through the University of Michigan's Global Academic program, I can choose to study anywhere from Florence to Dublin or Italy to Spain.
Of the many things I hope to accomplish during my four years as an undergraduate, my experience would not be the same if not at the University of Michigan. At U Mich, the world is my playing field. Wherever my explorations take me, whether to the Diag or to another country, I will always remember my binoculars and follow the trail I left behind, to find my way home to U-M.
I recycled a bit of this essay from my BU essay but it still works. As always please read and edit and I will edit your essay in return.
I have always considered myself an explorer. Even as a toddler I wanted to see and experience everything around me. Unfortunately, most of my explorations ended with me being lost. While my navigational skills have greatly improved since then, my passion for exploration persists.
As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity of the world around me continues to develop and will only be heightened at the University of Michigan. With well equipped professors, laboratories, and medical research opportunities, I look forward to exploring all U-M has to offer. In pursuit of a degree in Behavioral and Cognitive Neuroscience or Development, Psychopathology and Mental Health, I will explore the inner workings of the human mind to better understand how people think. During my four years at the University of Michigan, I plan to take part in many psychology research projects such as the Family Relationships project, Judgment and Decision Lab, and the Evolution of Social behavior Laboratory. By taking part in psychology research, I would receive hands on education of the material I am learning in class and see actual studies taking place.
For me, The University of Michigan is the start of something new, something exhilarating, something that can't be experienced elsewhere. As a member of the University of Michigan community, I will consistently be learning both inside and outside of my classes. Here I can concentrate on receiving my major in psychology, while using my autonomy to start my own organization. In addition, I can join existing organizations such as the Black Premedical Association Student Society, Reach Out, and EnAct.
At U-M, I know that I can accomplish anything and everything no matter how minuscule. With a student body that hails from many states and various countries, I would be able to explore my love of learning, while stepping outside of my usual surroundings to learn about other cultures first hand. With University of Michigan's study abroad programs, I would be able to broaden my knowledge of foreign countries and languages, while still receiving the excellent education that U-M has to offer. Through the University of Michigan's Global Academic program, I can choose to study anywhere from Florence to Dublin or Italy to Spain.
Of the many things I hope to accomplish during my four years as an undergraduate, my experience would not be the same if not at the University of Michigan. At U Mich, the world is my playing field. Wherever my explorations take me, whether to the Diag or to another country, I will always remember my binoculars and follow the trail I left behind, to find my way home to U-M.
I recycled a bit of this essay from my BU essay but it still works. As always please read and edit and I will edit your essay in return.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "My passion for tennis, My Community" - communities you belong to [2]
This if due today. I WILL EDIT YOUR ESSAY IN RETURN. Thanks.
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
The sound of pounding feet, ragged breathing, hammering hearts, and whistling balls remind me that I am home. Green clay and the distinctive sounds of an ongoing tennis match are my solace, providing me with an arena to vent my clouded thoughts. From the first time I picked up a racquet at nine years old, tennis has served as my outlet and second family. In the tennis community, I am a leader, an athlete, but most of all I am me.
Throughout the past few years, tennis has acted as a second parent to me; whenever I was going through a particularly rough situation, I would turn to my pack of balls and racquet for advice. Tennis hahas lead to my development of confidence and patience both on and off the court. The competitive aspects of tennis increased my drive to achieve my personal best, and ultimately, as I pushed myself to achieve more in the sport I began to also accomplish more in my daily and academic career. Today, before I begin a match, I try to embody the confidence I had as a child taking my first steps on a tennis court. While on the court, I feel unstoppable; as if no serve can get past me and that I can take on any obstacle. My most challenging matches have taught me to push past hardships and continue to participate in tennis, even at the risk of underachievement or failure. Moreover, my setbacks have shown me that not everything in life comes easily, and the harder I work to achieve success, the greater the victory of that success appears.
My passion for tennis has afforded me opportunities and work experience with the Atlanta Tennis Championships that I never would have received otherwise, but most importantly, tennis has assisted in shaping the person I am today. Although I am a member of a community larger than I could ever perceive, I will always find my niche within the tennis community.
Please help me cut down by about 70 words. Thanks. I will read your essay in return.
This if due today. I WILL EDIT YOUR ESSAY IN RETURN. Thanks.
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
The sound of pounding feet, ragged breathing, hammering hearts, and whistling balls remind me that I am home. Green clay and the distinctive sounds of an ongoing tennis match are my solace, providing me with an arena to vent my clouded thoughts. From the first time I picked up a racquet at nine years old, tennis has served as my outlet and second family. In the tennis community, I am a leader, an athlete, but most of all I am me.
Throughout the past few years, tennis has acted as a second parent to me; whenever I was going through a particularly rough situation, I would turn to my pack of balls and racquet for advice. Tennis hahas lead to my development of confidence and patience both on and off the court. The competitive aspects of tennis increased my drive to achieve my personal best, and ultimately, as I pushed myself to achieve more in the sport I began to also accomplish more in my daily and academic career. Today, before I begin a match, I try to embody the confidence I had as a child taking my first steps on a tennis court. While on the court, I feel unstoppable; as if no serve can get past me and that I can take on any obstacle. My most challenging matches have taught me to push past hardships and continue to participate in tennis, even at the risk of underachievement or failure. Moreover, my setbacks have shown me that not everything in life comes easily, and the harder I work to achieve success, the greater the victory of that success appears.
My passion for tennis has afforded me opportunities and work experience with the Atlanta Tennis Championships that I never would have received otherwise, but most importantly, tennis has assisted in shaping the person I am today. Although I am a member of a community larger than I could ever perceive, I will always find my niche within the tennis community.
Please help me cut down by about 70 words. Thanks. I will read your essay in return.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "a history that began in rural Mississippi" - Michigan short culture essay [3]
I am defined by my community, by my ethnicity, and by my history, but I am also defined by my unique identity.
Tethered to the world by the chains of history, I covet the stories of my ancestors.
Therefore, after the death of her parents, Minnie, the oldest took over the care of her younger siblings.
I am among the two hundred proud individuals that attends the family reunion each Fourth of July, sporting the uniform brightly colored family reunion t-shirt.
Moreover, I sit perched among the family tree as the granddaughter of Reggie Jr., the second youngest child of Reggie Sr. and Minerva Mae.
I think you should add more to the end the current ending leaves you expecting more from the story. I would say to talk more about yourself and how it goes along with your family history.
I am defined by my community, by my ethnicity, and by my history, but I am also defined by my unique identity.
Tethered to the world by the chains of history, I covet the stories of my ancestors.
I am among the two hundred proud individuals that attend
I think you should add more to the end the current ending leaves you expecting more from the story. I would say to talk more about yourself and how it goes along with your family history.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "liberal arts intensive education" - Why oxford college [2]
Only at Oxford can I attain the academic maturity and leadership experience I need to fulfil my dream of becoming a Businesswoman.- is there a reason you capitalized businesswoman.
I particularly like the small community at Oxford College.
I will have the undivided attention of my teachers and professors,and thus making full use of the College resources.
Only at Oxford can I attain the academic maturity and leadership experience I need to fulfil my dream of becoming a Businesswoman.- is there a reason you capitalized businesswoman.
I particularly like the small community at Oxford College.
I will have the undivided attention of my teachers and professors,
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Why Emory college? It is adventurous just like me. [5]
Emory's CIPA (Centre for international programmes abroad) offers abroad study opportunities in over 100 locations across the globe, it is the epitome of being adventurous
At Emory College, there are organizations for all types of people, such as, people with...
You say just like me a few times in your essay. It sounds a bit repetitive.
Emory's CIPA (Centre for international programmes abroad) offers abroad study opportunities in over 100 locations across the globe, it is the epitome of being adventurous
At Emory College, there are organizations for all types of people, such as, people with...
You say just like me a few times in your essay. It sounds a bit repetitive.
Anonymoussenior
Feb 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "the bottom feeder in my high school ecological community" - WHY Oxford [NEW]
Please read I will read your essay in return. This si due today. Describe your specific interest in beginning your Emory career at Oxford College and how you think our liberal arts intensive education is a good match for you.
I was the bottom feeder in my high school ecological community- I was a freshman. As one of the youngest students on campus, I had to work diligently to be heard. To be recognized as the leader of a club I had to expend twice the effort that an upperclassman expended, and I spent more time dedicated to my individual cause. Unlike in high school, at Oxford, I can take on leadership roles, beginning my freshman year in college instead of having to wait for a position that is generally reserved for an upperclassman. The smaller campus setting will allow my voice to always be heard and provide me with the Emory experience on a much smaller scale.
Beginning my Emory career at Oxford College, would present me with a smaller teacher to student ratio, and the ability to have one on one conversation with a professor. The smaller class sizes will provide a setting where I can thoroughly contribute to my classes and an environment where I can grow both as a student and as a person. Whether I spend the day studying for a psychology test or mentoring freshman as a member of PALs, spending my first two years at the Oxford campus of Emory will help shape me into a successful adult.
Additionally, Oxfords liberal arts intensive education is a good match for me because I have a variety of academic interest that I would like to pursue. The college's liberal arts education would allow me to explore every facet of my imagination, and open my mind up to alternative fields of study that I may not have uncovered otherwise. No matter where my Oxford College journey takes me, I will be constantly learning both inside and outside of the classroom. The world is my playing field at Oxford College, where I look forward to exploring all subjects of academia.
Please read I will read your essay in return. This si due today. Describe your specific interest in beginning your Emory career at Oxford College and how you think our liberal arts intensive education is a good match for you.
I was the bottom feeder in my high school ecological community- I was a freshman. As one of the youngest students on campus, I had to work diligently to be heard. To be recognized as the leader of a club I had to expend twice the effort that an upperclassman expended, and I spent more time dedicated to my individual cause. Unlike in high school, at Oxford, I can take on leadership roles, beginning my freshman year in college instead of having to wait for a position that is generally reserved for an upperclassman. The smaller campus setting will allow my voice to always be heard and provide me with the Emory experience on a much smaller scale.
Beginning my Emory career at Oxford College, would present me with a smaller teacher to student ratio, and the ability to have one on one conversation with a professor. The smaller class sizes will provide a setting where I can thoroughly contribute to my classes and an environment where I can grow both as a student and as a person. Whether I spend the day studying for a psychology test or mentoring freshman as a member of PALs, spending my first two years at the Oxford campus of Emory will help shape me into a successful adult.
Additionally, Oxfords liberal arts intensive education is a good match for me because I have a variety of academic interest that I would like to pursue. The college's liberal arts education would allow me to explore every facet of my imagination, and open my mind up to alternative fields of study that I may not have uncovered otherwise. No matter where my Oxford College journey takes me, I will be constantly learning both inside and outside of the classroom. The world is my playing field at Oxford College, where I look forward to exploring all subjects of academia.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 31, 2011
Undergraduate / "The beeping of an EKG machine" - Why Emory [4]
Yes I wrote the Limerick kinda as a joke but then decided that I might as well include it in my essay somehow since it was somewhat relevant to the topic. The Doctors and Doctoring part is a name of a freshman seminar at Emory so I can't change the name. Thanks for reading my essay.
Yes I wrote the Limerick kinda as a joke but then decided that I might as well include it in my essay somehow since it was somewhat relevant to the topic. The Doctors and Doctoring part is a name of a freshman seminar at Emory so I can't change the name. Thanks for reading my essay.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 31, 2011
Scholarship / Family influence, strong study skill, financial assistance -Scholarship Prompt Ideas? [3]
These topics are not ones that people can help you come up with ideas for you just have to write based off of your own experiences in your life. Just be yourself and tell the truth about who you are instead of trying to come up with an interesting story. I can't rell you how your family has influenced your life one because I don't know you and two because it is a person question that can be approached and answered in many different ways. For the second one, I can not provide ideas either because it differs from person to person. The last one just do exactly as the prompt says.
Sorry I cannot be of more assistance but these essays really can only be answered by you and not strangers on the internet.
Please read my Emory essay it is due tomorrow.
These topics are not ones that people can help you come up with ideas for you just have to write based off of your own experiences in your life. Just be yourself and tell the truth about who you are instead of trying to come up with an interesting story. I can't rell you how your family has influenced your life one because I don't know you and two because it is a person question that can be approached and answered in many different ways. For the second one, I can not provide ideas either because it differs from person to person. The last one just do exactly as the prompt says.
Sorry I cannot be of more assistance but these essays really can only be answered by you and not strangers on the internet.
Please read my Emory essay it is due tomorrow.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 31, 2011
Writing Feedback / Inventive essay about shopping malls. [3]
"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. "
Walking out of one of the larger shops, a man is carrying a twisting and cryinggirl of about 3 year old girl in his arms
Whether it be a full-grown woman, or a toddler girl, who has not begin to understand life yet, every person has their own definition of self-fulfillment.
I like your essay and how you link the mall with different scenarios. This is a very visual essay. I enjoyed it. Please read my Emory essay. Thanks.
"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. "
Walking out of one of the larger shops, a man is carrying a twisting and crying
Whether it be a full-grown woman, or a toddler girl, who has not begin to understand life yet, every person has their own definition of self-fulfillment.
I like your essay and how you link the mall with different scenarios. This is a very visual essay. I enjoyed it. Please read my Emory essay. Thanks.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 31, 2011
Undergraduate / "The beeping of an EKG machine" - Why Emory [4]
Prompt: Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons for making Emory College a possible college choice, why is Emory College a particularly good match for you?
The incessant beeping of an EKG machine was one of my first memories at Emory. That high pitch beeping was the symbol that my step father was alive; it was my hope that he would get better, but it was also the start of my Emory College dreams. For months, I became acquainted with the bustling students on campus. I would envision myself amongst the student body, rushing to freshman seminar about Doctors and Doctoring or Intro to Psychology. I saw myself sitting in an auditorium, sufficiently enthralled with what my professor had to say. I dreamed that I was as a volunteer EMT- I, writing a quirky limerick during Dooley's Week.I don't know that these sentences fit together I could see myself as an Emory student.
Emory embodied everything I wanted in a college. With small class sizes and educational advisors, my Emory education would be tailored to an environment in which I could thrive. At Emory, I would have access to renowned educators, and a plethora of research opportunities. Emory would provide me with a specialized education that could not be experienced elsewhere. Here, I would find myself pursuing my academic goals in psychology, while studying abroad and still making it home for Sunday night dinner. With numerous clubs, organizations and programs to choose from, there is always something new and exhilarating to learn on campus. All those years ago, Emory became my other twin, linked forever by common myinterests and future dreams. From the age of twelve, Emory College became my future.
Attatched is my first poem to Lord Dooley:
Sincerely Lord Dooley of Misrule
Please grant me admission to your school.
Rapt by your traditions
I ask your chief permission,
To be part of the acceptance pool.
I need a way to better link the poem to the rest of the essay any help will be appreciated. I will read back. I also need to cut out a little bit to fit within the word count so any suggestions of unnecessary parts that can be removed will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Prompt: Many students decide to apply to Emory College based on our size, location, reputation, and yes, the weather. Besides these valid reasons for making Emory College a possible college choice, why is Emory College a particularly good match for you?
The incessant beeping of an EKG machine was one of my first memories at Emory. That high pitch beeping was the symbol that my step father was alive; it was my hope that he would get better, but it was also the start of my Emory College dreams. For months, I became acquainted with the bustling students on campus. I would envision myself amongst the student body, rushing to freshman seminar about Doctors and Doctoring or Intro to Psychology. I saw myself sitting in an auditorium, sufficiently enthralled with what my professor had to say. I dreamed that I was as a volunteer EMT- I, writing a quirky limerick during Dooley's Week.I don't know that these sentences fit together I could see myself as an Emory student.
Emory embodied everything I wanted in a college. With small class sizes and educational advisors, my Emory education would be tailored to an environment in which I could thrive. At Emory, I would have access to renowned educators, and a plethora of research opportunities. Emory would provide me with a specialized education that could not be experienced elsewhere. Here, I would find myself pursuing my academic goals in psychology, while studying abroad and still making it home for Sunday night dinner. With numerous clubs, organizations and programs to choose from, there is always something new and exhilarating to learn on campus. All those years ago, Emory became my other twin, linked forever by common myinterests and future dreams. From the age of twelve, Emory College became my future.
Attatched is my first poem to Lord Dooley:
Sincerely Lord Dooley of Misrule
Please grant me admission to your school.
Rapt by your traditions
I ask your chief permission,
To be part of the acceptance pool.
I need a way to better link the poem to the rest of the essay any help will be appreciated. I will read back. I also need to cut out a little bit to fit within the word count so any suggestions of unnecessary parts that can be removed will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 26, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell College(not University!) Supplement (IA) two short answers [16]
The OCAAT system immediately grabbed my heart. With a unique block plan and flexible course options, at Cornell, I can expand my academic interest and broaden my horizons with study abroad programs. OCATT will allow me to be more active in my interested subject field (replace this with what you actually plan to do), while still pursuing my love for (say a club or program that you are interested in or currently work with that is different from your major and that you can continue when you get on campus.) - you may have to do some club research.
You are getting there you just need a bit more work and these essays should be fine.
The OCAAT system immediately grabbed my heart. With a unique block plan and flexible course options, at Cornell, I can expand my academic interest and broaden my horizons with study abroad programs. OCATT will allow me to be more active in my interested subject field (replace this with what you actually plan to do), while still pursuing my love for (say a club or program that you are interested in or currently work with that is different from your major and that you can continue when you get on campus.) - you may have to do some club research.
You are getting there you just need a bit more work and these essays should be fine.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 24, 2011
Undergraduate / Living with my disability, Computer Technician, Studying for GED - accomplishments [3]
I rate this essay a 2. You appropriately addressed the prompt, but you also left a lot to be desired. You mention how you accomplished these three things but never explicitly state how you accomplished them.
For starters, I wouldn't advise starting your essay with I have accomplished many things in my life. - the prompt is asking for you accomplishments and this sentences does not add anything to the essay.
You could start out with: The year 2000 was one of the hardest years of my life, not only was I diagnosed with Schizo-affective disorder, but I also had to learn how to cope and live with my disability. For five years I battled with Schizo-affective disorder, however, in 2005, I reclaimed control of my life and got my life back on track. Now, years later, I realize that two of my greatest accomplishments stemmed from living with my disability, which helped catapult me to do more with my life.
In December 2010, after months of online courses and exams, I became certified as a computer technician. I have always been interested in computer and technology since my father introduced me to them as a child. As I grew older, my father taught me about the basics of computers, and as I grew older, my knowledge and passion for computer technology continued to grow. (talk more about how you became a computer technician)
Talk about why you chose to study for your G.E.D and maybe what you plan to do after you finish the program.
Do not repeat the sentence you said before as your last sentence. I understand that you were aiming for a powerful ending with the repetition to tie the entire essay together but in this case it does not come off effectively.
Just add more to the studying for you G.E.D. and also I wouldn't mention the part about being an ok student. I don't want to add more to the essay because I don't want you to lose your personal persona and voice in the essay. Good luck with your G.E.D.
I rate this essay a 2. You appropriately addressed the prompt, but you also left a lot to be desired. You mention how you accomplished these three things but never explicitly state how you accomplished them.
For starters, I wouldn't advise starting your essay with I have accomplished many things in my life. - the prompt is asking for you accomplishments and this sentences does not add anything to the essay.
You could start out with: The year 2000 was one of the hardest years of my life, not only was I diagnosed with Schizo-affective disorder, but I also had to learn how to cope and live with my disability. For five years I battled with Schizo-affective disorder, however, in 2005, I reclaimed control of my life and got my life back on track. Now, years later, I realize that two of my greatest accomplishments stemmed from living with my disability, which helped catapult me to do more with my life.
In December 2010, after months of online courses and exams, I became certified as a computer technician. I have always been interested in computer and technology since my father introduced me to them as a child. As I grew older, my father taught me about the basics of computers, and as I grew older, my knowledge and passion for computer technology continued to grow. (talk more about how you became a computer technician)
Talk about why you chose to study for your G.E.D and maybe what you plan to do after you finish the program.
Do not repeat the sentence you said before as your last sentence. I understand that you were aiming for a powerful ending with the repetition to tie the entire essay together but in this case it does not come off effectively.
Just add more to the studying for you G.E.D. and also I wouldn't mention the part about being an ok student. I don't want to add more to the essay because I don't want you to lose your personal persona and voice in the essay. Good luck with your G.E.D.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 24, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell College(not University!) Supplement (IA) two short answers [16]
For the first one I would advise talking more about the actual program, opposed to just saying that you love the program.
Since it is great joy for me to devote myself to concentrate on learning a particular subject to understand the world more deeply, - this entire part can be cut out.
Start with: The OCAAT system immediately grabbed my heart. - Now talk about some of the details of the system that interested you and will help you succeed on their campus instead of elsewhere.
It seemed perfect for me, and gave me confidence to make my final decision.- this sentence is cryptic and leaves the reader wondering what the OCAAT system helped you decide. Try to avoid ambiguity and give definitive answers to the prompt.
For the second one I am not sure you answered the prompt. They are asking you what factors will be the most important in you final college decision by May first, not what kind of colleges you applied to. For example, some people will make their final college decision based on the cost of tuition, others on how great or selective the college is for their major, others will decide based on sports and clubs/ organizations on campus, and other might choose based on somewhat trivial reasons such as dorm size. I would advise that you pick something that only Cornell College offers and talk about how that will be the deciding factor for you and how only Cornell College offers program x,y,z. You have to make them see that you really want to be at that school and that you will die or be highly disappointed if you do not get accepted.
Good luck with your college decisions, and I hate to say this but both of these should probably be redone.
For the first one I would advise talking more about the actual program, opposed to just saying that you love the program.
Since it is great joy for me to devote myself to concentrate on learning a particular subject to understand the world more deeply, - this entire part can be cut out.
Start with: The OCAAT system immediately grabbed my heart. - Now talk about some of the details of the system that interested you and will help you succeed on their campus instead of elsewhere.
It seemed perfect for me, and gave me confidence to make my final decision.- this sentence is cryptic and leaves the reader wondering what the OCAAT system helped you decide. Try to avoid ambiguity and give definitive answers to the prompt.
For the second one I am not sure you answered the prompt. They are asking you what factors will be the most important in you final college decision by May first, not what kind of colleges you applied to. For example, some people will make their final college decision based on the cost of tuition, others on how great or selective the college is for their major, others will decide based on sports and clubs/ organizations on campus, and other might choose based on somewhat trivial reasons such as dorm size. I would advise that you pick something that only Cornell College offers and talk about how that will be the deciding factor for you and how only Cornell College offers program x,y,z. You have to make them see that you really want to be at that school and that you will die or be highly disappointed if you do not get accepted.
Good luck with your college decisions, and I hate to say this but both of these should probably be redone.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 16, 2011
Undergraduate / UNC short essay - Parker Selfridge (a character in Avatar ) [3]
The essay sounds great and you seem like a great writer but the first two paragraphs are just filler paragraphs and only the 3rd paragraph actually answers the prompt. If you elaborate on the topics in the third paragraph I think you will have a great essay. To save word cout you could cut out the first paragraph entirely and have more space to address the prompt.
The essay sounds great and you seem like a great writer but the first two paragraphs are just filler paragraphs and only the 3rd paragraph actually answers the prompt. If you elaborate on the topics in the third paragraph I think you will have a great essay. To save word cout you could cut out the first paragraph entirely and have more space to address the prompt.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / "a life changing journey"- Georgia - What will you learn and contribute? [4]
I opened my eyes to stare at the infinite darkness of the night sky through the window, but sleep took me over again.
Rewind back two weeks, I was at a family reunion in my hometown, Hyderabad, the second most populous country, India.
Playing street cricket and soccer on the weekends, doing homework, and pursuing my dream of being an amateur astronomer on the weekdays, I was a typical child immersed in studies.
That statement that my mom said to me four years ago still echoes in my mind, for it was a life changing event for me.
Not only did I havea poor knowledge of the English language, but I was also not familiar with the American slang or its culture.
I opened my eyes to stare at the infinite darkness of the night sky through the window, but sleep took me over again.
Rewind back two weeks, I was at a family reunion in my hometown, Hyderabad, the second most populous country, India.
Playing street cricket and soccer on the weekends, doing homework, and pursuing my dream of being an amateur astronomer on the weekdays, I was a typical child immersed in studies.
That statement that my mom said to me four years ago still echoes in my mind, for it was a life changing event for me.
Not only did I have
Anonymoussenior
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / If Cranes can Dance, I can fly.... University of Richmond essay [5]
It was a while after the blistering hot summer.- this is an imcomplete thought. Summer... (need to add more)
School had begun the new academic year with full vigor. - ? I am not sure what exactly you are trying to say here.
I was happy to have attained a near perfect equilibrium until; a friend approached me for help. - equilibrium of what?????
However, to my surprise, the job was not just about teaching a set sequence to a bunch of younger high school kids; instead, I was supposed to choreograph a solemn routine depicting sadness, despair and hope.
It was part of the finale of the play. - remove this sentence
I read the entire essay and quite frankly it needs a lot of work. Most of your sentences are simple sentences or incomplete thoughts. Some of your essay seems quite infromal for a college essay such as Those who did were made fun of being too 'girly' - typical high school scenario. Also at times it seems that you expect the admissions officer to know what you are thinking with little to no surrounding information to go by. If you post an edited version with varied sentence structure I will try to help you edit more.
It was a while after the blistering hot summer.- this is an imcomplete thought. Summer... (need to add more)
School had begun the new academic year with full vigor. - ? I am not sure what exactly you are trying to say here.
I was happy to have attained a near perfect equilibrium until; a friend approached me for help. - equilibrium of what?????
However, to my surprise, the job was not just about teaching a set sequence to a bunch of younger high school kids; instead, I was supposed to choreograph a solemn routine depicting sadness, despair and hope.
I read the entire essay and quite frankly it needs a lot of work. Most of your sentences are simple sentences or incomplete thoughts. Some of your essay seems quite infromal for a college essay such as Those who did were made fun of being too 'girly' - typical high school scenario. Also at times it seems that you expect the admissions officer to know what you are thinking with little to no surrounding information to go by. If you post an edited version with varied sentence structure I will try to help you edit more.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Brandeis Essay- Would you rather be raised by dinosaurs, aliens or robots? [3]
During the day, I live from bell to bell; it starts and ends class.
In the humdrum of daily life, I can't help but imagine the possibilities of being raised by some other life form.
I often think of robots, aliens, and dinosaurs, but I quickly cross robots and dinosaurs off since, robots are manmade and have no emotions and dinosaurs are solely driven on instinct and lived in harsh, trying times. In the end, I am left with aliens.
An alien society is imaginary; therefore, I can establish and destroy as I please.
You began 3 of the last 4 sentences with An alien society
I think you need to talk more about why you want to be raised by aliens - examples are- space travel, breaking the laws of gravity, being green/ different in a society that is culturally diverse. Out of this world knowledge, your own language etc.
otherwise good essay but I think you can cut out some of the into and talk more about what the prompt is asking. Please read my Wellesley essay it is due today.
During the day, I live from bell to bell; it starts and ends class.
In the humdrum of daily life, I can't help but imagine the possibilities of being raised by some other life form.
I often think of robots, aliens, and dinosaurs, but I quickly cross robots and dinosaurs off since, robots are manmade and have no emotions and dinosaurs are solely driven on instinct and lived in harsh, trying times. In the end, I am left with aliens.
An alien society is imaginary; therefore, I can establish and destroy as I please.
You began 3 of the last 4 sentences with An alien society
I think you need to talk more about why you want to be raised by aliens - examples are- space travel, breaking the laws of gravity, being green/ different in a society that is culturally diverse. Out of this world knowledge, your own language etc.
otherwise good essay but I think you can cut out some of the into and talk more about what the prompt is asking. Please read my Wellesley essay it is due today.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / "a strong passion for music" - Art Institute of California- San Francisco Admissions [2]
As far back as I can remember, I have always had a strong passion for music.
From the time I was 8 years old, when I received my first CD, I've spent the majority of my life listening to musicwhile at the same timeand critiquing the quality of sound
When going to shows or watching videos of bands recording, Ihad always wanted to know more about the technical aspects of the audio equipment being used. May curiosity led me to wonder about the innerworkings of the soundboards, audio software, speaker setups, and acoustics of the venue or studio.
I know there are many mediums of audio production I can delve into, such as TV/Film or designing sounds for new games, which I am also open to.
Going to the Art Institute of San Francisco would open new doors to me that for the past few years I had not thought were possible
The audio production program offers me the chance to really take hold of my passion by learning from Instructors who've already had experience in the industry,which I can take inspiration from.
I love that I'll be able to get hands-on experience in a state of the art studio, rather than just learning from text in a book.
I will not lose focus of my goals while taking on all new challenges given to me by peers and instructorswith an open mind .
I know now that my dreams are within reach; and given the opportunity, I will succeed in my endeavors.
Vary your sentence structure because you begin a lot of your sentences with I. Please read my Wellesley essay it is due today.
As far back as I can remember, I have always had a strong passion for music.
From the time I was 8 years old, when I received my first CD, I've spent the majority of my life listening to music
When going to shows or watching videos of bands recording, I
I know there are many mediums of audio production I can delve into, such as TV/Film or designing sounds for new games, which I am also open to.
Going to the Art Institute of San Francisco would open new doors to me that for the past few years I had not thought were possible
The audio production program offers me the chance to really take hold of my passion by learning from Instructors who've already had experience in the industry,
I love that I'll be able to get hands-on experience in a state of the art studio, rather than just learning from text in a book.
I will not lose focus of my goals while taking on all new challenges given to me by peers and instructors
I know now that my dreams are within reach; and given the opportunity, I will succeed in my endeavors.
Vary your sentence structure because you begin a lot of your sentences with I. Please read my Wellesley essay it is due today.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / "To learn and grow with real women" - Why Wellesley Essay-Academics and People [2]
In addition to the academics, the people of Wellesley, professors and students alike,also draw me to the college
I am eager to be taught by outstanding professors, who are passionate about their subject matter, love teaching, and care tremendously about their students' academic growth.
I would stride purposefully through the beautiful campus, attend lectures of scholars seeking to broaden their minds and discuss philosophy with students in warm
I truly believe that Wellesley College is, without a doubt, the best place to help me discover both, who I am, and who I will be as a Wellesley woman.
Great essay overall please read my Wellesley college essay
In addition to the academics, the people of Wellesley, professors and students alike,
I am eager to be taught by outstanding professors, who are passionate about their subject matter, love teaching, and care tremendously about their students' academic growth.
I would stride purposefully through the beautiful campus, attend lectures of scholars seeking to broaden their minds and discuss philosophy with students in warm
I truly believe that Wellesley College is, without a doubt, the best place to help me discover both, who I am, and who I will be as a Wellesley woman.
Great essay overall please read my Wellesley college essay
Anonymoussenior
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Centre & Union College Optional Liberal Arts, Leaders [6]
Ias a student have always loved learning, and know that it is the key to success in today's world- remove the comma.
The learning environment at Centre is one of the best in the nation. - change the best in the nation part to how the learning environment is perfect for you.
The programs offered at Centre would present me with worlds of opportunity. Centre would allow me to actualize my potential in whichever field I choose and participate in ... (name something about the college that only Centre has) maybe a class, a club.
The ending is perfect just add more detailed information about the school. It is possible to give detail and stick withing the 500 characters so work towards that. Also if you want to save space then cut the first sentence and leave only the english version then you can go into detail about other aspects of Centre.
It is often said that there are leaders and there are followers, but I would argue that there are some who never get the chance to lead despite their earnest efforts.
In the past, I have ended up in places with an previously established pecking order, and because I was new, I always ended up at the bottom with many people to clamber over.
I am sure that the leaders in Union's Minerva Houses will be extremely welcoming to incoming students. - cut this sentence it adds nothing to the essay.
Because the Minerva Houses are run by the residence's members, I will finally have the opportunity to attain a leadership position.
While trying to gain a leadership position within my assigned Minerva house, I will form trust-filled friendships with bith upperclassmen and my fellow freshmen.
Add a little more about the Minerva houses. Are there house traditions? Talk about what your would do if you are the leader of your Minerva house etc.
Please read my Wellesley essay.
I
The learning environment at Centre is one of the best in the nation. - change the best in the nation part to how the learning environment is perfect for you.
The programs offered at Centre would present me with worlds of opportunity. Centre would allow me to actualize my potential in whichever field I choose and participate in ... (name something about the college that only Centre has) maybe a class, a club.
The ending is perfect just add more detailed information about the school. It is possible to give detail and stick withing the 500 characters so work towards that. Also if you want to save space then cut the first sentence and leave only the english version then you can go into detail about other aspects of Centre.
It is often said that there are leaders and there are followers, but I would argue that there are some who never get the chance to lead despite their earnest efforts.
In the past, I have ended up in places with an previously established pecking order, and because I was new, I always ended up at the bottom with many people to clamber over.
Because the Minerva Houses are run by the residence's members, I will finally have the opportunity to attain a leadership position.
While trying to gain a leadership position within my assigned Minerva house, I will form trust-filled friendships with bith upperclassmen and my fellow freshmen.
Add a little more about the Minerva houses. Are there house traditions? Talk about what your would do if you are the leader of your Minerva house etc.
Please read my Wellesley essay.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Sisterhood - WHY Wellesley [6]
If you edit my essay I will edit yours in return. Please this is due today.
the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals.'
If you edit my essay I will edit yours in return. Please this is due today.
the Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals.'
Anonymoussenior
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / how to incorporate my leadership roles - Pepperine Supplement [2]
The phrase on the poster was my personal mantra. I found that the quote fit me personally- repetitive if it is your personal mantra we can assume that it fits you
As long as I continue to
Even to this day I feel motivated by my mantra, because
Based on that, I cannot be stopped. - cut this sentence you already said the same thing two sentences before this.
Attending Pepperdine University would allow me to share my mantra and my strong faith in God with a[/b] diverse [b]group of students.
"Don't let this one math problem keep you from becoming that
but it's exactly what they need to remember that they cannot be stopped and that they willin order to motivate them to succeed.
You might want to choose another word besides mantra.
Can you please read my Wellesley essay?
The phrase on the poster was my personal mantra. I found that the quote fit me personally- repetitive if it is your personal mantra we can assume that it fits you
As long as I continue to
Even to this day I feel motivated by my mantra, because
Attending Pepperdine University would allow me to share my mantra and my strong faith in God with a[/b] diverse [b]group of students.
"Don't let this one math problem keep you from becoming that
but it's exactly what they need to remember that they cannot be stopped and that they will
You might want to choose another word besides mantra.
Can you please read my Wellesley essay?
Anonymoussenior
Jan 15, 2011
Undergraduate / Sisterhood - WHY Wellesley [6]
Wellesley
Sisterhood. Up until this point in my life, sisterhood has signified the blood relation between me and my siblings; however, at Wellesley, sisterhood defines the connection between every girl on campus.
As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity about the world continues to develop and will only be heightened at Wellesley. With a student body that hails from all fifty states and many countries, Wellesley will allow me to explore my love for learning, while stepping outside of my usual surroundings to learn about other cultures first hand. Wellesley College is not just about being a member of the Psychology Department community; it is about being a member of the larger, Wellesley family. With small class sizes and educational advisors, Wellesley College appeals to me both academically and socially. Here I will pursue my goal of becoming a doctor, while forging the greatest friendships of my life. A Wellesley education will allow me to explore my passion for science and math, as well as grant me access to renowned educators, the latest technological advances, and a plethora of research opportunities. At Wellesley, I could use my autonomy to take advantage of the unique classes offered at several different colleges and to explore my love for knowledge.
From the Hogwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, Wellesley is the right college for me. On campus, I look forward to grabbing a quick snack at El Table, jumping in Lake Waban at the beginning of freshman year, listening to WZLY, and eating midnight breakfast during exams. Whether I spend the day studying for a psychology test or running around campus on Lake Day, four years at Wellesley College will help shape me into a successful adult. For me, Wellesley is the start of something new, something exhilarating, something that cannot be experienced elsewhere. No matter where my Wellesley journey takes me, I will be constantly learning inside and outside of the classroom. The world is my playing field at Wellesley College, where I look forward to exploring all subjects of academia. I am ready to put on my blue and white; I am ready to join the Wellesley sisterhood.
Wellesley
Sisterhood. Up until this point in my life, sisterhood has signified the blood relation between me and my siblings; however, at Wellesley, sisterhood defines the connection between every girl on campus.
As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity about the world continues to develop and will only be heightened at Wellesley. With a student body that hails from all fifty states and many countries, Wellesley will allow me to explore my love for learning, while stepping outside of my usual surroundings to learn about other cultures first hand. Wellesley College is not just about being a member of the Psychology Department community; it is about being a member of the larger, Wellesley family. With small class sizes and educational advisors, Wellesley College appeals to me both academically and socially. Here I will pursue my goal of becoming a doctor, while forging the greatest friendships of my life. A Wellesley education will allow me to explore my passion for science and math, as well as grant me access to renowned educators, the latest technological advances, and a plethora of research opportunities. At Wellesley, I could use my autonomy to take advantage of the unique classes offered at several different colleges and to explore my love for knowledge.
From the Hogwarts like buildings to the liberal arts curriculum, Wellesley is the right college for me. On campus, I look forward to grabbing a quick snack at El Table, jumping in Lake Waban at the beginning of freshman year, listening to WZLY, and eating midnight breakfast during exams. Whether I spend the day studying for a psychology test or running around campus on Lake Day, four years at Wellesley College will help shape me into a successful adult. For me, Wellesley is the start of something new, something exhilarating, something that cannot be experienced elsewhere. No matter where my Wellesley journey takes me, I will be constantly learning inside and outside of the classroom. The world is my playing field at Wellesley College, where I look forward to exploring all subjects of academia. I am ready to put on my blue and white; I am ready to join the Wellesley sisterhood.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Achieving academic success, revolutionary research, studying in Paris - Why UChicago? [10]
I resolved to spend my next four years wearing a maroon sweatshirt and exploring my passion for Political Science and Psychology in the Social Sciences division of the college.
I imagined myself following the progression of the Cobb Gate Gargoyles and with the flexibility of creating a reading a research course - ?
However , as I browsed the shelves of the co-op bookstore- again get rid of the however
I resolved to spend my next four years wearing a maroon sweatshirt and exploring my passion for Political Science and Psychology in the Social Sciences division of the college.
I imagined myself following the progression of the Cobb Gate Gargoyles and with the flexibility of creating a reading a research course - ?
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Achieving academic success, revolutionary research, studying in Paris - Why UChicago? [10]
By the end of my visit, I had resolved to spend my next four years wearing maroon,
to the house systemwith resident masters
I imagined myself following the progression of the Cobb Gate Gargoyles and engaging in all UChicago had to offer. With the flexibility presented at UChicago, I knew I could flourish, be innovative, and be creative. - these ideas don't go together the be creative is out of place. It is not really necessay since innovative and creative and similar ideas.
However, as I browsed the shelves of the co-op bookstore- take out the however it doesn't fit.
The essay does flow better now good job on the edits you should be ready to submit soon.
By the end of my visit, I had resolved to spend my next four years wearing maroon,
to the house system
I imagined myself following the progression of the Cobb Gate Gargoyles and engaging in all UChicago had to offer. With the flexibility presented at UChicago, I knew I could flourish, be innovative, and be creative. - these ideas don't go together the be creative is out of place. It is not really necessay since innovative and creative and similar ideas.
However, as I browsed the shelves of the co-op bookstore- take out the however it doesn't fit.
The essay does flow better now good job on the edits you should be ready to submit soon.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Why UChicago?-Endless Opportunity [3]
Since I intend to play a part in pioneering an era of accessible and affordable alternative energy, I'm seeking an education in economics
save for the music that accompanies me
At the University of Chicago, it has become a reality
good job I really like your essay and how you invisioned youself as a student. Please read my Honesty is the best policy U Chicago essay.
Since I intend to play a part in pioneering an era of accessible and affordable alternative energy, I'm seeking an education in economics
save for the music that accompanies me
At the University of Chicago, it has become a reality
good job I really like your essay and how you invisioned youself as a student. Please read my Honesty is the best policy U Chicago essay.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / "the start of something new, exhilarating, and not experienced" - Why U Chicago essay [14]
Last time editing before I submit please proof read. Thanks.
Last time editing before I submit please proof read. Thanks.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Great academic and social community--Why BU [4]
Located in the metropolitan city of Boston, - they know whereit is plus you said Boston University so no need to say it is in boston
I wish to pursue graduate school and eventually enter the
I suggest you go back and read my first post to you for the changes for the last paragraph.
I wish to pursue graduate school and eventually enter the
I suggest you go back and read my first post to you for the changes for the last paragraph.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / "the start of something new, exhilarating, and not experienced" - Why U Chicago essay [14]
Please edit I will edit your essay in return
Please edit I will edit your essay in return
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / "Growth is essential to a happy and productive life" - Chicago: Extended Essay [4]
By reviewing the experiences that a person has gone through, how they have dealt with them, and how they have led them
to wherehe or she isthey are to this day can
Many believe that the meaning of life is just having enough food, drink and somewhere to sleep, but it
The more we learn, the better our lifewouldwill be.
GoneShe went from working as a bank clerk to
If she didn't make the effort tobetter herself then she would still be a bank clerk, her life wouldn't be as happy and productive as now.
the position that it is in right now if they haven't
Even though this proves that China has many factories, which can employ many people
Not only in terms of physical appearance, but also in the
Nothing should be taken for granted, especially love.
Theis is better than the first version. Please read my UChicago essay as well.
By reviewing the experiences that a person has gone through, how they have dealt with them, and how they have led them
to where
Many believe that the meaning of life is just having enough food, drink and somewhere to sleep, but it
The more we learn, the better our life
If she didn't make the effort tobetter herself then she would still be a bank clerk, her life wouldn't be as happy and productive as now.
the position that it is in right now if they haven't
Even though this proves that China has many factories, which can employ many people
Not only in terms of physical appearance, but also in the
Nothing should be taken for granted, especially love.
Theis is better than the first version. Please read my UChicago essay as well.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Michigan Community Essay - Math team [3]
These people soon grew to be some of my best friends when I began to move around the room and discover new areas of math that I had never known like those mysterious fractions and division signs.- divide into two sentences.
we have conquered math from fractions to fractals, and division signs to derivatives
nice essay that will stand out. Please read my BU essay.
These people soon grew to be some of my best friends when I began to move around the room and discover new areas of math that I had never known like those mysterious fractions and division signs.- divide into two sentences.
we have conquered math from fractions to fractals, and division signs to derivatives
nice essay that will stand out. Please read my BU essay.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / The pessimists and the optimists: two types of people chicago essay [9]
in their instincts and emotions rather than following the rational.- rational what?
Is a spender or an addict? No. - is a spender or an addict what? impulsive? if so then make that mre clear
The universal definition of a Now is a person who enjoys the "now" regardless of what the past or the future holds.- this is restating the first sentence of the paragraph. Repetitive.
The Laters are to Nows as light is to darkness. - maybe say they are the yin to their yang; the light to the nows darkness.
Responsible for the rush of mainstream American
The answer is neither is more superior than the other.
I like the ending but you deviated from the prompt by adding in a third type of person. Maybe you should just change the last paragraph to be about how you are a fusion of both the nows and the laters. Use what you said about the ideals and say that about you and the essay will be great.
Please take a look at my new BU essay. Thanks.
in their instincts and emotions rather than following the rational.- rational what?
Is a spender or an addict? No. - is a spender or an addict what? impulsive? if so then make that mre clear
The universal definition of a Now is a person who enjoys the "now" regardless of what the past or the future holds.- this is restating the first sentence of the paragraph. Repetitive.
The Laters are to Nows as light is to darkness. - maybe say they are the yin to their yang; the light to the nows darkness.
Responsible for the rush of mainstream American
The answer is neither is more superior than the other.
I like the ending but you deviated from the prompt by adding in a third type of person. Maybe you should just change the last paragraph to be about how you are a fusion of both the nows and the laters. Use what you said about the ideals and say that about you and the essay will be great.
Please take a look at my new BU essay. Thanks.
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / (pre- med and study abroad + An Explorer) - Boston [12]
Please edit my new version of my why BU essay.
I have always considered myself an explorer of sorts, even as a toddler I wanted to see and experience everything around me; consequently, most of my explorations ended with me being lost. While my navigational skills have greatly improved since then, my passion for exploration continues.
As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity for the world around me continues to grow and will only be farther enthralled at BU. With well equipped professors, laboratories, and research opportunities, I look forward to exploring the Boston area, as well...
Please edit my new version of my why BU essay.
I have always considered myself an explorer of sorts, even as a toddler I wanted to see and experience everything around me; consequently, most of my explorations ended with me being lost. While my navigational skills have greatly improved since then, my passion for exploration continues.
As I embark on my college journey, my curiosity for the world around me continues to grow and will only be farther enthralled at BU. With well equipped professors, laboratories, and research opportunities, I look forward to exploring the Boston area, as well...
Anonymoussenior
Jan 3, 2011
Undergraduate / Cornell Engineering essay - I want to bring magic to the real world [3]
I realized this as I found myselfbeing engrossed in the subject
butalso Cornell Engineering also provides a variety of research opportunities
Great I love how you intergrated Hogwarts and magic into your essay. Well written. Please read my why U Chicago essay.
I realized this as I found myself
but
Great I love how you intergrated Hogwarts and magic into your essay. Well written. Please read my why U Chicago essay.