Undergraduate / Gates Essay - Community Involvement Nonviolence [2]

Hello! Thank you so much for opening up my Gates essay. I would appreciate any feedback; anything at all to improve my story.
Thanks so much once again!

"Now, who can tell me how Jason could've handled the situation better without physically harming Jasmine?" I asked to the crowded gymnasium in a loud voice. Only two of the eighth graders raised their hands; I called on one of them, "You in the orange sweater. Go ahead." He hesitantly answered, "Um. Maybe, he could've cursed her out or just walk out on the situation." After hearing his response, I proceeded to explain to the crowd why they should never abuse others, whether it is done physically or verbally. Then, I continued to discuss other strategies Jason could have used to show Jasmine, his girlfriend, how her unfaithfulness made him feel.

Jason and Jasmine are fictional characters in a play called There is No Excuse for Dating Abuse. The play demonstrates an abusive relationship between teenagers. Jason frequently abuses Jasmine, his girlfriend; they have been dating for more than a year. In the play, I am Phil, a friend of Jason who advises him to improve the situation in his relationship. Phil has a significant part in the play, because he is the one to explain to Jason that his actions are resentful. The play is performed by the Start Strong Atlanta teens around the city of Atlanta.

Start Strong Atlanta is an organization aiming to reduce dating violence and to promote healthy relationships. As a peer educator of the Start Strong Atlanta, I am dedicated to promote practices to end teen dating violence and abuse. The peer educators teach youths how to foster healthy relationships and end dating violence by performing plays, teaching interactive lessons, and spreading the message of healthy relationships. Start Strong Atlanta is a collaboration of Grady Memorial Hospital, Atlanta Public Schools, and the Jane Fonda Center at Emory University School of Medicine. I chose to be a part of Start Strong because I was shocked by the violence occurring to and by teenagers in my community. I remember an instance when one of my friends was absent from school because she was badly wounded by her boyfriend. Witnessing the devastation caused by dating violence in my school and community influenced me to take part in an organization aiming to end the atrocious violence.

My interest in the principle of nonviolence was fostered in a rather unusual way. A few years ago, I was watching a Bollywood film called Lage Raho Munna Bhai. The film captures a Mumbai underworld don practicing nonviolence after seeing the spirit of Mahatma Gandhi. The film serves as a criticism of the violence and malice in our daily lives. It captures the true power of humanism and how it can benefit us all in a modern society. This film was hugely inspirational as it showed a man who lived with violence and crime all his life change and submit to nonviolence and truth. After watching the movie, I began to research the morals of Gandhi, and soon encountered the service of Dr. King. Two years later, I was performing a play advocating nonviolence at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Center and was spreading the nonviolence ideals around my community on his birthday.

Through my service at Start Strong, I learned the power of nonviolence. I realized that nonviolence is one of the essential tactics we should all implement in our lives. I believe that all forms of violence are unacceptable. Educating my younger peers on how to avoid dating abuse and how to end it if it starts has given me an inner satisfaction. I realize that I am rendering a service that is both needed and appreciated. In the future, I hope to continue spreading ideas of nonviolence in my community and beyond.

Is the conclusion strong enough? Is it memorable?

Undergraduate / 'advancing and enhancing technology / Bangladesh' - Gates Essay: Subject Excelled [5]

THANKS SO MUCH! :-)

19. Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attribute your success? Use specific examples to illustrate how you succeeded.

My family stepped on the soil of this great nation five years ago, eager to take advantage of the phenomenal possibilities. I am thankful to be a part of two distinct worlds because it has allowed me to experience diverse situations in life. The difference between my native land, Bangladesh, and America has instilled passions in my life: technology and political science.

Being raised in a middle-class family in a third-world nation, I encountered a society with little to no technology. After being exposed to the advanced technology of America, I was significantly drawn toward its implications. I decided to attend an out-of-zone high school to enroll in the Center for Engineering and Applied Technology magnet program. Throughout the four years of high school, I have had engineering and technology classes. Not only did I excel in these technology classes, but I also became involved in Technology Students Association by competing in state conferences, and becoming the Vice-President.

I found the contents of the courses truly engaging as I loved learning about 3-D drafting, C++, circuits, thermodynamics, algorithms, etc.The courses were very enlightening as they introduced me to the broad idea of not only engineering, but also to that of physics and computer science. These classes had a great impact on my learning career because I gained an exposure to the implications of technology while becoming a step closer to my aspiration.

My fervor for technology developed throughout high school, but it was last summer when it amplified. In the summer of 2011, I was invited to participate in the Governor's Honors Program (GHP) for exceptional students in the state of Georgia. The program accepts 700 of Georgia's best and brightest sophomores and juniors for enrichment in areas for which they are nominated. I was selected to participate as a technology major with a chosen minor in science. My personal experiences with a world deprived of technology and my profound interests in the uses of technology for growth of societies are the leading factors for my success. My aspiration is to work toward advancing and enhancing technology in third-world nations.

Another subject in which I have excelled is AP US History. AP US History was my most favorite course throughout high school as the content of the course was engaging and the instructor was phenomenal. AP US History was the first advanced placement class that I took in high school. By the time of graduation, I would have taken every AP classes offered at my school. The rigorous coursework and the daunting workload was an interesting challenge for me. I enjoyed learning about containment, manifest destiny, Monroe Doctrine, the Alien and Sedition Acts, and many more topics both similar and different than these. My interest in the politics aspect of US History led me to earn the highest grade in the class at the end of both first and second semesters. In November, my teacher gave us the option to complete a social science project to compete at the school level fair. The idea that instantly ignited in my mind was to do something on corruption and internal displacement. After discussing this with my instructor, I shaped my topic to be the precise question that follows: Does Corruption Impact the Internal Displacement of Nations in Conflict?

The topics of corruption and internal displacement occupy a vital place in my heart because I had once witnessed myself the atrocities of both of these occurrences. In Bangladesh, I was three years behind in my education because my parents refused to bribe corrupt school officials for my admission, which lead me to repeat two grades. I completed third grade in Bangladesh and enrolled in the seventh grade in the United States. The political corruption has wounded my education as a child. I fostered an acute hatred toward corruption following my experience. I have also experienced the devastation of internal displacement when my family members had to relocate from ancestral home land to an unidentified place in which they held no value.

I decided to focus on three nations in southern Africa: the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Somalia, and Sudan. These countries were the key witnesses of the grotesque impact of internal displacement. During the course of collecting data, I read several books and articles on the refugee situation in Africa. I conducted interviews with two African natives, who have had an extensive experience with corruption there. My conclusion was that corruption in Africa does manipulate the people to relocate because of the governments' failure to protect the citizens from violence. My strong dedication to enlighten others about corruption and internal displacement drove me to thoroughly examine and intently analyze my gathered data daily until my heart was fully satisfied with my gathered product.

This project has provided me with a memorable experience and much recognition. I won first place in my school, city, and regional competitions. Then, I proceeded to the 2011 Georgia State Social Studies Fair, and won the Best in Class award; my project was declared the best project in the State of Georgia. The concept of solving the crisis of internal displacement and corruption continues to intellectually excite me. My experiences served to make me realize that learning for the sake of learning provides us exposure, tolerance, and passion in life.

Undergraduate / Research and Language-Notre Dame [2]

1.If you were given a $5,000 grant to study a topic, what would you choose to research and why?

Growing up, I never realized that I was being deprived of a spectacular conception. My family, like millions of other families in Bangladesh, was lacking one of the necessities of life: technology. (Is it safe to say technology is a necessity?) We stepped on the soil of America five years ago, eager to take advantage of the phenomenal possibilities. Within days after arriving here, I was astonished by the impact of technology on the American lifestyle. It seemed to me technology accomplished everything expeditiously.

At Notre Dame, I would want to research the obstacles that impede growth of technology in third-world nations. The unfortunate truth is that the impoverished people in the third-world nations have the skills but they lack the resources. I want to scrutinize and analyze the causes of a lack of technology or this phenomenon(Which one should I pick?) such as poverty and political corruption. (How can I phrase this sentence better?) My ambition is to ensure that the people in third-world nations can easily have access to the marvelous idea we call technology.

2.You have 150 words. Take a risk.
Language is one of the most enriching aspects of my life. As a child, I learned the Bengali, Arabic, and English alphabets - 104 letters in all. Learning to read and write three languages concurrently was overwhelming, especially for someone who did not speak two of the three. I was not only drawn to the scripts of my native language Bengali, but to those of Arabic and English as well. On my way to America through Dubai and Amsterdam, I realized the true importance of language in an increasingly diverse world. In Dubai, I was able to communicate vaguely in Arabic, but in Amsterdam, I was baffled as I spoke no Dutch and my heavily accented English was completely incoherent. After this experience, I aspired to learn more languages. I taught myself Hindi by watching Bollywood movies. I took a course on Hebrew this summer. And, I completed two years of French at school. আমি সত্যিই ভাষা ভালোবাসি - I really love languages.

(Do you think the Bengali script will show up on the common app? I think it only recognize the plain text. If that's the case, can you suggest an alternative ending?)

Also, I somehow want to say why I like learning languages. Because it allows me to communicate with a whole new set of people and also enjoy new films or music. But, I need to take some off, what can I take off?

^Does this essay really fit this prompt or does it raise an eyebrow? It was written for another topic. I really don't have the time to write a completely new essay. What do you think? Can it make it through?

Thank you so much in advance!

Undergraduate / (culture, language) Tufts Essay: Consider the World Within [4]

Consider the world within. Taste in music, food, and clothing can make a statement while politics, sports, religion, and ethnicity are often defining attributes. Are you a vegetarian? A poet? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes, Mac or PC? Use the richness of your identity to frame your personal outlook.

Culture- one of the most important things in my life. I have experienced a massive culture shock within weeks after moving to America. Suddenly seeing the sophisticated and luxurious lifestyle in America after witnessing the impecunious lifestyle of Bangladesh for twelve years was a bewildering experience in my life. The mostly liberal views of modern Americans differ drastically from the mostly conservative views of Bangladeshis. It was ironic how I struggled to adjust to the American culture initially, but after adjusting, I had to practice my native culture frequently to ensure it does not get diminished by its' American counterpart. Finding an ideal balance between the two disparate cultures was once distressing to me; however, I realized that I certainly did not have to choose one over the other. I could freely practice two equally delightful cultures at once. I am an American and I am a Bangladeshi.

Language- one of the most enriching things in my life. As a child, I learned Bengali, Arabic, and English alphabets. Learning to read and write three languages concurrently can be overwhelming, especially for someone who did not speak two of the three. I was learning to read 104 letters simultaneously (50 in Bengali, 28 in Arabic, and 26 in English). I was drawn to the scripts of not only my native language Bengali, but also to that of Arabic and English. On my way to America through Dubai and Amsterdam, I precisely realized the importance of language. In Dubai, I was able to communicate vaguely in Arabic; however, in Amsterdam, I was baffled as I spoke no Dutch and my heavily accented English was intolerably incoherent. After realizing the importance of language in an increasing diverse world, I aspired to learn even more languages. I taught myself Hindi by watching Bollywood movies and I took a course in Hebrew this summer. Also, I completed two years of French at school even when it was not required. আমি সত্যিই ভাষা ভালোবাসি. (I really love languages.)

Thanks in advance :-)

Undergraduate / 'the value of a liberal arts education' - Short Answer: Why Colby [4]

Hello,

This is an essay for Colby, one of my safety colleges. I visited Colby and really liked the atmosphere; however, I honestly think I can get accepted to a better college. Even then, I wouldn't want to risk my essay and just write carelessly. Please let me know if you see any errors or room for improvements.

Thanks a lot in advance!

Experience Colby was a ground-breaking experience in my life. It was my first time flying alone, and my first time going on a college visit. I decided to visit Colby because I wanted to explore a liberal arts environment. My parents also encouraged me to go as they thought visiting a college was essential to making any decisions about college.

I am a 21st Century Atlanta scholar, and Colby is a partner college of the 21st Century Atlanta program. Through the program, I applied for the multicultural Experience Colby program. I was thrilled when I read the e-mail on a Friday afternoon. The second line read "Congratulations! You have been approved..." The librarian hurriedly scolded me as I jumped up and shouted with joy. Within three weeks, on October 13th, I was on my way to the Atlanta Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.

Visiting Colby was an inspiring experience as it exposed me to the value of a liberal arts education. At Colby, I attended a seminar on biochemistry hosted by IBM, an improvisational comedy show, a volleyball game between Colby and Bowdoin, and many more amazing events. I attended a calculus class with my host and had dinner with a computer science professor. The three days at Colby were perhaps the most eventful days in my life. I realized how Colby would help me to create a perfect balance of academics and social life. The life at Colby resonates with my aspirations for higher education; I can see myself being a White Mule.

Undergraduate / Corruption in Africa Research (Northwestern University) [2]

The prompt for Northwestern University was:
If you have done research or independent study outside of school, please include an abstract or summary of your work on a separate sheet.

Does Corruption Impact the Internal Displacement of Nations in Conflict?
"A Case Study"
By: Rifat Mursalin

"INTERNAL DISPLACEMENT has emerged as one of the great human tragedies of our time." wrote Kofi Annan, former Secretary-General of the United Nations. Approximately 26 million people worldwide are currently displaced internally as a result of conflicts or human rights violations. Internally displaced persons (IDPs) are people who were forced to escape their homes because their lives were threatened, but unlike refugees, remain within their country's borders. Although IDPs now outnumber refugees by two to one, their situations receive far less international attention. IDPs in Africa represent more than 40 percent of the total IDP population worldwide. Sudan has the largest internally displaced population in Africa, followed by Democratic Republic of the Congo and Somalia. Most of the countries affected by internal displacement in Africa have experienced severe problems such as crises of national identity and unity, ineffective government authority and control, limited capacity for economic efficiency, and finally, civil war or armed revolution. Behind the foundation of all of these calamities, lies the malice of corruption. This paper considers whether corruption directly influence the people to displace internally in nations in conflict by responding to the following questions:

1. What are some causes of the internal displacement in Africa?
2. How is corruption impacting the African people?
3. What are the impacts of internal displacement in Democratic Republic of the Congo, Sudan, and Somalia?
Corruption immobilizes the governmental authority and leads to crisis of national unity, which leads to civil wars, and which consequently leads to mass internal displacements.

I simply mentioned what questions the research would answer. I didn't go into detail because they said just a summary. Any comment or feedback??

Thanks :)

Undergraduate / 'Technology / Third-world nations / Intelligence' - USC Supplement [2]

I would appreciate any comments, criticisms, feedback. Anything before I submit it. Thanks.

Describe your academic interest and how you plan to pursue them at USC.

Growing up, I encountered a society with little to no technology. I realize the importance of technology and how technology can improve a society. My ambition is to work toward advancing and enhancing technology in third-world nations. Studying at the Viterbi School of Engineering will give me the expertise and experience that I will need to accomplish my life's aspirations. My passions for both engineering and technology influenced me to participate in the 2011 Georgia Governor's Honors Program as a Technology major and a Science minor. Exploring Biomedical Engineering, Robotics, and Programming Languages at this prestigious enrichment program was extremely valuable and enjoyable to me. The Engineering program at University of Southern California appeals to me primarily because of the renowned faculty and extensive research opportunities.

What kind of experiences, inside and outside of the classroom, would you want to explore to enhance your studies?

To accomplish my profound aspirations to advance the life of impoverished people in third-world nations by improving technology, I must h---ave not only knowledge, but also experience. Inside of the classroom, I would want to complete simulations of difficulties that I might encounter in advocating growth of technology. I would want to learn various essential skills that will be beneficial for my personal growth. These skills include but are not limited to effective communication, leadership, networking, and business management. Outside of the classroom, I would want to take advantage of a study-abroad opportunity. It would be hugely beneficial to me if I could directly explore the impact of a lack of technology on the lives of third-world nations. These opportunities, both inside and outside of the classroom, would provide me with essential exposure and experiences.

Engineers have sometimes been stereotyped as "nerds" or "geeks." Do you embrace or reject that stereotype? Why?

Intelligence can be interpreted as intimidating. Engineers are most certainly stereotyped as nerds or geeks, occasionally even both. I have personal experience with this incident. I was known as the stated stereotype by my classmates since tenth grade, after taking Engineering Applications. My classmates openly labeled me both as a nerd and a geek. However, the same classmates would plead me to assist them to solve for resistance force, mechanical advantage, and more terms they could not even comprehend. I realized that engineers solve problems that benefit the rest of the population. I soon learned to embrace the stereotypes as compliments. Engineers are called nerds or geeks because they gain satisfaction by designing and building things for the benefit of mankind. I embrace the stereotype because it highlights the creativity, diligence, and passion of engineers.

Undergraduate / 'Diversity and raised in a third-world nation' - Yale Supplement [3]

Please give me comments, criticisms, or suggestions. ANY feedback is appreciated. Thanks so much :)

What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply?

After learning more about Yale from current students, I was impressed by the diversity, student to faculty ratio, and social life at Yale. The diversity at the campus will be invaluable in providing me a chance to meet students from all backgrounds. The low student to faculty ratio at Yale is very advantageous to me because it will give me the option to do research in Engineering and Computer Science. In addition, the culture of Yale would create a perfect balance of academics and social life.

If you were choosing student to form a Yale class, what question would you ask them?
What songs would you include on the soundtrack to your life and what about those songs represent your life?

Write a brief essay telling us what has led you to an interest in Engineering, what experiences you have had in engineering, and what it is about Yale's engineering program that appeals to you.

Being raised in a third-world nation deprived of technology, I realized the importance of technology and how it can benefit a society. Technology is already an immense part of our daily lives in the United States, and it is expanding every moment. Citizens of developed nations take it for granted, but citizens of third-world nations live a life with little to no technology. Technology is severely limited in numerous nations, and the citizens of those nations do not receive the advantage of having access to it. In the future, I want to work to make it easier and inexpensive for people in third-world nations to have access to technology.

Studying at the Yale School of Engineering and Applied Science will give me the expertise and experience that I will need to accomplish my life's aspirations. My passions for both engineering and technology influenced me to participate in the 2011 Georgia Governor's Honors Program as a Technology major and a Science minor. Exploring Biomedical Engineering, Robotics, and Programming Languages at this prestigious enrichment program was extremely valuable and enjoyable to me. The Engineering program at Yale appeals to me primarily because of the quality education it offers and the low student to faculty ratio. The superiority of a Yale education is a fact known by everyone including people living on the other side of the globe. The very low student to faculty ratio assures me of a greater collaboration with my professors. Studying at the Yale School of Engineering resonates perfectly with my aspirations for learning.

Undergraduate / 'raised in Shaheen Bag' - My World--- UVA Essay [3]

Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.

As a typical eleven year old boy in Dhaka, Bangladesh, I was ecstatic when my parents informed me we were leaving Bangladesh and going to America. Five months later, we were boarding the airplane at Zia International Airport. I had never imagined airplanes to be so enormous; I always thought they were the same size as they were in the night sky. My world, eight-thousand miles away, has instilled values in me that will live forever. My world is so distant yet so dominant.

I was raised in Shaheen Bag, a middle-class neighborhood in Dhaka. Shaheen Bag was regarded elsewhere as a distinct community for exemplifying unity and social values. Family and community relationships were fostered by the many residents who were retirees of the Bangladesh Air Force; my father was actually one of these retirees. Everyone was united by a common purpose: family. Similar to my parents, every other parent in Shaheen Bag encouraged family values and cultures in their homes. Every Friday, we would attend community meetings at the local mosque to discuss education, family values, and culture.

My parents never let me feel the burden of sorrow. Recognizing the financial hardships of my parents and their sincere support for me significantly induced me to realize the importance of family. Growing up in Shaheen Bag taught me that my family is the most important thing in my life. I do not even dare to envision where I would be with no support from my family.

What do you think? Anything that must be taken off or must be added? I appreciate it SO much.

Writing Feedback / Favorite Ride at Amusement Park and my Approach to Life [2]

What is your favorite ride at the amusement park? How does this reflect your approach to life?

I'm at 250 words; that's the limit.

July 27, 2006. I vividly remember the first time going to an amusement park. I was extremely enthusiastic when my parents informed me the day before that we were about to go to an amusement park. The next morning, we were on the bus destined for Six Flags over Georgia, the park that was constantly being advertised on the broken T.V. in our living room. The variety of rides to choose from quickly overwhelmed me. There were the agile, expeditious, and thrilling roller-coaster rides. These roller-coasters involve gliding upside down, winding through a loop, and lasting for about two minutes. However, there were also the slow-paced boat rides; the lines for these rides were significantly shorter than the ones for the roller coasters.

The boat rides instantly reminded me of my summer experiences with rowing boats in rural Bangladesh. To me, the water rides in amusement parks resemble life in a very profound way. Rowing the boat at the park stimulated many thoughts about life in my head. Life will have obstacles, similar to the rocks under-water. However, I have a choice of rowing over the obstacles or rowing in another direction. Also, just as the water continues to roll, life continues to progress. I have control of my destiny. I can decide where I want my boat to be when the ride ends. Life is like a water ride; we paddle through it everyday, overcoming obstacles on the way. At the end, we simply want to reach our destination.

Any comments, criticisms would be great. I would appreciate if you could look for grammatical errors, the flow of the story. Is it specific enough? Did I do a good job describing the second part of the question.

Thanks so much!

Undergraduate / 'GBP to bond with others' UGA Essay [NEW]

Hello everyone!

I have two short essays for University of Georgia. The application deadline is on the 31st of October. I would appreciate if you could please give me some feedback before then. Minor corrections are appreciated, but I am focusing on the larger picture. I am worried about the essays flowing smoothly, being creative, and being memorable. What do you think? The word limit is 200 words. The first short essay is 198 words and the second short essay is 194 words. Thank you in advance for your time. :)

Choose an intellectual or creative opportunity (for example, community involvement, a summer program, a unique project, travel abroad, etc.) from your high school years that you have enjoyed and highlight how you have grown personally because of the experience.

The long days of summer, symbolized by sunshine and heat, have always been the best days of my life. In Bangladesh, we used to attend family reunions during the summer. Those wonderful summers in my homeland, however, lasted until I turned eleven. My family migrated to United States in March of 2006. My parents decided to sacrifice their land, properties, and relatives so that I could have a distinguished education and a bright future in America.

Five years later, I was at Valdosta State University for the Georgia Governors Honors Program. The Governors Honors Program (GHP) is a summer instructional program that provides intellectually gifted high school students challenging and enriching educational opportunities.

GHP was the opportunity to bond with others who share the same passion as me. Being with the top 0.07% of the high school students in the state of Georgia was truly incredible and inspiring. I realized that both mine and my parents' dreams were gradually becoming realities. My parents' dream was for me to excel in education in this country by taking advantage of the opportunities; my dream was to realize my personal identity and passions. GHP served to make the dreams become reality.