Undergraduate / "I love to debate" - personal quality, my Personal statement [14]

There is nothing wrong in judging. Especially when I see a human who is proud of his skills of manipulating and defrauding others (taking money for it in the meantime). If teachers are afraid to tell them the difference between right and wrong and parents are too busy to care what their kids are going into then an anonymous person should do the job.

Undergraduate / "I love to debate" - personal quality, my Personal statement [14]

In the future when he's hired his employer will tell him:

"Hey, we have a case. Our filthy rich client (a prominent politician) was caught raping a 14-year-old girl. They video-taped him. Your job is to persuade the judge that he didn't know what he was doing, that he had personal problems and was on drugs etc. and he thought the girl was 18. Now use your 'debating skills' and deny everything. In other words, just be yourself and we should win it."

Faq, Help / Why is my topic / thread deleted? [78]

You maybe opened the same thread twice?

Writing Feedback / Toefl : Teachers should not make their social or political view known to students.. [6]


You have problems with logical thinking. By definition, "ideas" or "views" don't have to be "correct."

After reading your essay I conclude you don't need teachers; all you need are thoughtless robots without any personality reading text from textbooks. It must be fun and mind-stimulating. NOT.

Research Papers / Starting a Global Warming Research Paper. Is it a hoax or the reality? [3]

There should be no doubts that global warming is a hoax to trick tax payers into paying even more taxes for the 'right' to breathe.

Writing Feedback / GRE Issue Essay - Governments should offer a free university education [4]

What about the fact college graduates cannot get a job other than in McDonalds or Walmart these days?

Writing Feedback / IELTS; tuition fees, who are responsible to pay? [5]


There is very weak correlation between a college degree and job prospects. In fact, more and more college degree holders flip burgers at McDonald's (IF they are lucky to get a job there with 12:1 prospective employees ratio). Instead of wasting 4 years in college and be in 80K debt, opening your own business and working hard instead of counting on tax payer's money is a much better idea. If we start with free access to iphones, foods, contraceptives, colleges, then why stop there? How about giving everyone a free car and housing - after all we all deserve it with minimum or no effort on our part, right?


So you want to punish those who actually contribute to the economy (tax payers) and make a sweet deal to the government? I don't see much sense in this reasoning.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Online learning or real school? Provide your opinion. [5]

Online learning is good for self-motivated students only; otherwise, they are better off sticking to regular class room and professors.

Writing Feedback / The House At The End Of The Driveway - iGCSE descriptive coursework. [2]

This essay is undoubtedly a well-written one. Congratulations!
Notwithstanding, here are some of its setbacks.

1. Pure, (comma is necessary here ) albeit upon closer inspection only a few of the weather-beaten tiles were misplaced.

2.Shafts of light burst through gaps in the boarded up windows and then through the once thick heavy velvet curtains that dangled off the remaining rungs on the rusted up curtain pole. dot should be here in lieu of comma ).

Basically, you have quite a number of issues associated with punctuation. Another pragmatic instance,

Now, (comma ) another sound accompanied the drip. Drip. Drip of water: her useless whimpers.

or . In the corner of the room,(comma ) a little chair began to rock slowly.

Hopefully, it was lucrative for you!

Writing Feedback / It is unlikely nowadays not to get influenced by the trends, including related to fashion as well. [2]

You have an abundance of wonderful ideas in your essay! But anyways, in the formal writing i would personally avoid signs such as !? e.t.c

Another issue I have found out in your essay is your personal examples, they are missing!
Also, you are not being asked to write an opinion. You should have included your reasons in your conclusion as well. Keep up the good work!

Writing Feedback / Who should be responsible for the welfare of poor nations? [4]

1. This essay contains some vocabulary issues, for pragmatic instance,illfare ?assissinations ? Maybe assassinations?neceessities ? necessities.

2. et cetera; if I had been you, I would have exterminated this phrase.

3. Your essay has a unique structure, but i would like you to write it formally which is to have an introduction, 2-4 body paragraphs with some examples, and a proper conclusion.

Next time, try to follow that template, and do not utilize words that you do not possess completely such as the aforementioned ones. And as a rater, I would evaluate its as from 6 -7.

Writing Feedback / Nowadays, the environment where people live affects them so much [3]

There are some weaknesses in your writing.

You need to focus on your vocabulary. For pragmatic instance, in lieu of writing the word from the prompt for several times which is a big city, and a small city. You could have written urban area, or suburban area. The studying environment in the city is always (better) than any environment

Do not forget to divide your body paragraphs properly.

Living both in a big city and a small town is good for people. This sentence somehow contradicts your whole essay. If you want to choose big city, then bias about it, it is futile to say they are both good e.t.c

To illustrate, when people are in an emergency situation, their friend has a heart attack.It does not sound coherent. Let us give it a try, To illustrate, it might turn out that their friend all of a sudden suffers a heart attack. I think now you see what does coherence mean.

Good luck! Not bad overall!

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 : Public transportation still has possibilities to pollute environment [4]

I find it a little bizarre to see no transition from the second paragraph to the third one. In actuality, you could have conflated them both. Let us give it a try, i will do the transition for you.

"The facilitation of public transportation does not provide their need about fast transportation. So, many people choose using their own cars than use public transportation."

This can lead towards a radical pollution in our environment. Not to mention that the population of humankind has been drastically increasing during the past few years, and thus, this phenomenon will also contribute the ongoing pollution.

You justified your reasons well, but i do not feel them to be cogent enough. Maybe, you should have discussed about that type of car a little bit more.

Writing Feedback / 'many young people feel tired from studing'; To work or to travel after finishing high school? IELTS [3]

Your essay is quite solid, but i have encountered a few apparent mistakes of yours.

1. The prompt is not asking you to write your opinion, and thus, you failed the task.

There is one way that can help you to not deviate from the prompt next time. Just simply surrogate ;;you'' to ;;I'' in the body paragraphs.

2. Examples are missing. You can improvise them in your essay, no one is going to verify whether it is true or false.

In addition, here are some typos and grammar issues: It makes you more interesting as a person .

The only problem why young people do not traveling is the problem with money. It will take a lot of money, but i guess it is worth it.

The main issue of why young generations do not travel often is that they suffer from some finance issues such as tuition, daily expenses and others.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Government alone cannot defeat the climate change! [3]


You may first mention something about the history of the phrase 'global warming' and how (and why) this phrase has been switched to 'climate change.' I wonder why do you use the phrase 'climate change' in the first sentence and then, in the next sentence, you write about planet being warmer. Logically, the word 'change' refers to both up and down, ie. both warmer and colder. Why is there a general perception that 'change' means 'warmer'? It would be interesting to read at least a paragraph on that.

Another thing; there are four seasons of the year: spring, summer, autumn, winter. Just like there are colder and hotter days. Maybe you'll discuss what the 'weather' actually is and how it is natural for it to constantly change. Changing weather is normal and natural. Take winds, for example. One day it's very calm, another it's windy. Technically, it is 'change.' So why don't we focus on the issue of high and low winds? We could assume that high winds are bad and unnatural, so we need to do something about that. For example, we could raise taxes so that we could study winds and conclude it is not natural and healthy for humans to live on Earth that has high winds. Don't we. Later we could conclude that life on Earth could be dangerous to humans, so we need to raise more money to explore a possibility to go to Mars. Maybe on Mars we'll discover unfriendly aliens that we could fight after we raise enough global income.

What about the temperature of ocean? When it's only 15C then it is not good for humans because they don't feel comfortable swimming in such a cold water. It is not healthy for our population either - just try to go to a cold water and you'll get cold. So we can conclude that cold ocean water is hazardous to human life and we should take action to change it. Maybe it's better to change it to 25C. It can be done, we just need to raise taxes. Once we do, we can advice the population to swim during summer months, for example.


It's not very accurate. How an institution can be human?

Essays / Career goals - I really need to know how to start the introduction for scholarship essays [9]

My advice is - study the thousands of similar essays posted here and you will find a good idea about a title ;)

Writing Feedback / Observing children copy the watched parents - IELTS Sample Essay [3]

It should be stressed that parents, not adults, are responsible for their children. Humans are not a herd of cows who will do fine in life by observing other cows. Your essay should underline this simple fact; for now, from your essay seems that failure of a child in the future life can be attributed to 'adults' who happen to be in their surroundings..

Writing Feedback / Nowadays the big cities are endeavoring to provide their inhabitants with more magnificent buildings [3]

You need to explain why/how different kinds of buildings would be environment friendly/unfriendly.

Writing Feedback / Social Media and Cyberbulling Today [2]

Your conclusion (and I agree with that) suggests that the real problem is unlimited and uncontrolled access of young people to social media websites. As a parent, you should start with the source and treat the reason, not the cause. Your essay suggests that social media are forced upon children and there is absolutely no way to avoid that. There is a very simple way - disconnect the kid from the net. Parents sponsor their children's Internet / cell-phone plans so they are 100% in control of cyberbulling or whatever other negative effects the social media may bring.

You could also mention that it's important to educate children to be 'thick-skinned' and not worry about their friends' possible attacks. If a child is self-confident, others cannot use cyber-bulling against him/her.

You may also discuss how cyber-bulling is different from 'regular' bulling (it's not much different in general sense).

Last note - you mention Facebook and MySpace (the latter one is not very popular any more; you may want to mention Twitter, Pintrest too).

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Strict punishments for driving offences - safety reasons? [4]

1. You shouldn't use capital letters unless it's a start of a sentence (for example you use: 'In Conclusion' instead of 'In conclusion').

2. You should use 'on one hand' (without 'the').

3. Driving under influence... leads (not lead).

4. It's related to your way of thinking. One thing you must understand is that traffic tickets are built-into budgets of cities and states. That means, if you were the only driver in CityX, you would be penalized multiple times even for safe driving (some of the reasons could include absurds like: tires of different brands, unwashed car, holding a coffee cup while driving, having your dog on a back seat, not wearing proper sunglasses, having a window open while raining, stopping for ducks crossing a street etc.). The fact that traffic fines are built-into budgets suggests it is not about safety - it is about money. Young people like you should start wondering what it's all about and how to stop it. For example, why do they allow cars to be able to drive over 350 MPG when in fact the maximum speed limit in all states of the US is 85 MPH. IF they had safety in mind, they would require that cars are electronically limited to a maximum speed of, let's say, 100 MPH (to add 15 MPH when you want to take over another car on a highway). Please don't become a slave and thank that you are a slave; be a free man who is responsible for his/her life and can take of him/herself. The more bogus laws created in the name of 'safety,' the more personal freedoms are taken.

Writing Feedback / We should pay attention to the opinions of famous people. [4]

It seems you omitted one important question: what / who makes people famous? In countries where there is no freedom of speech and no Constitution, the only famous people are those who are artificially created to be famous. You need to provide more insight on whether it is possible to manipulate who becomes famous and how genuine the current famous people may be. You also need to explore the phenomenon of paid (and often undisclosed) endorsement of popular celebrities towards a certain goal; would you still support the opinions of famous people if you knew they are just paid spokesmen and don't actually believe what they say?

Btw. you could also include some 'local' information about your parents, siblings, or other family members - do they encourage you to become a better person and can you learn anything from their lives, successes, and failures.

Research Papers / Hillary Clinton Research Essay: experience, presidential run, moderatism and widespread appeal.. [3]


That's a valid point but you could also mention crony capitalism here. Plus something about her age and if she'd be able to be an effective commander in chief.

Writing Feedback / Should all education and healthcare be funded by the government and free for everyone? [2]

There should be 'services' instead of 'cervices' in the last paragraph.

You should also give more arguments about:

1. When people are responsible by eating a balanced diet and exercise - they should get a tax refund from government to promote healthy lifestyle choices.

2. When you talk about free healthcare and free education that are crucial in the global economy, you forgot about free food. Without free food, people will be malnourished and will not be able to even get up to go to school or to work. In result, providing free food should be even more important than providing free healthcare and education because without food it's impossible to accomplish anything.

3. Focusing back on healhtcare and education, you should dedicate a paragraph on helping out people from the neighboring countries. Many of foreigners cannot afford healtcare and education, so government should cover their expenses too in case their own governments fail to deliver.

Writing Feedback / youth unemployment. Consequences? suggestion? [4]

It's a well-thought out essay. Make sure to always start a new sentence with a capital letter (and end a sentence with a dot). You could also discuss some arguments that are heavily promoted in our colleges, universities, and some governments. For example:

- Our governments should give more visas to foreign students to study and work (for example, the new TPP agreement is a step in the right direction). It's true they may compete with the current students and will drive down salaries but that way countries that can help will do the right thing and as long as we don't starve we should be grateful.

- Governments should spend more money to promote the modern lifestyle of young people, ie. them living in a basement with parents or sharing an apartment with a few of their peers. There are also other green initiatives, like renting a tent during summer months; it's like killing two birds with one stone: green + using less resources = win for the planet.

- There should be new laws imposed on cafes like Starbucks or shopping centers / gas stations opened 24 hrs - to allow graduates have sleeping bags on their premises so that they have a place to spend a night in case they don't get along with their parents or grandparents.

- More money should be spent on programs helping young people cope with mental stress resulting from them being unable to find a job. For example, each student could download a few games for free to their smart phone and enjoy them. Or get some extra vaccine for free.

Writing Feedback / "Is it necessary for people to combine their efforts .." SAT March 2015 [4]

You need to write more from a realistic (not literary / legendary) point of view. 'The Plaque' is a novel, a story, which presents the idealistic (but not very real) nature of people. The presidential speeches are motivational tales, but they are just words and besides emotions they don't create anything useful.

To be serious about your research, you should focus on the historical aspects of socialism / communism movement and how it failed to deliver what's been promised. At first sight, the ideas of collectivism are great but humans will never be perfect and the corrupt element / laziness / cutting corners / lack of integrity will always prevail. Out of 10 people, 2-3 are very hard-working and honorable, the rest may not be. It's not sustainable to build something stable when only 20-30% of the building blocks do their job well and are trustworthy, and the rest live off the fruit of these 20-30%.

Writing Feedback / Should developed nations help undeveloped ones in the aspects of health, education and trading [6]


Well, you state something but it has no connection to the reality (in other words, what you say is totally inaccurate). When you refer to: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_external_debt you will notice that top 20 countries with the most debt are the developed countries. And the countries with the least debt rely on agricultural productivity. So I won't be commenting on the rest until you do more careful research into your statements.

Student Talk / The aim of life [56]

The most important things for students is to realize two things: seek the truth, don't fall for the '51% thinks so so I must be part of that too' and never allow to kill your individualism. You (not a group you may belong to) is fully responsible for your life. Don't trash the values of your ancestors and don't let yourself to be told that 'it is a different world' because in fact the world and its inherit values are unchangeable.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : The problem of over using internet [5]

This essay presents an interesting concept of freedom which should be followed by all young people. You may also want to compare the Internet to watching TV and reading of books and conclude that all of these activities could also make people fat and mentally overwhelmed. This, in result, destroys the potential of a human society. So the most appropriate solution is to lobby the Bureaucrats and ask them for the best solution: to ban TV and eliminate people who spend too much time reading (inappropriate) books while sitting. And before lending a book, people should ask a Government Official if it is appropriate and useful enough to read it and if it's going to make our society better and more productive.

Essays / How your day goes on April 29 2025 - UWC scholarship / speech writing [35]


Let me tell you, you are not going to be a CEO. Your posts show you aren't a very hard-working student, you demand from others way more than you demand from yourself; you don't like to make an effort and do your very best. You waste too much time on Facebook and other unproductive websites and many of your peers are ahead of your level. If you want to be a CEO, act like one - hire a paid professional editing service and communicate with them privately as needed.

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

What do you do exactly; after I post I stay here on this page, and you? : ) edit.

Scholarship / The fate of people with disabilities in Nigeria. Leadership and influence essay [3]


Sorry, but it is completely delusional and fraudulent way of thinking. It suggests that people should not worry about their closest, local issues, but take care of the problems they will not be able to solve anyway. Such a way of thinking will produce absolutely nothing but lip-service and shifts your own responsibility to other people who will not care about your responsibilities anyway. You should remove this part completely and start with something more reasonable and workable, for example: "we should start with the problem we want to solve in our local communities (and forget about the progressive propaganda that we can change the world)."

Undergraduate / Moving to America and getting more freedom [5]

Your English is very good. You focused in detail on America, your new home country. However, you should probably devote a big paragraph on your former country, ie. India. You may answer questions, like why India is what it is, why it's eaten by the cancer of fraud, deception, and corruption, and why you are against all that. And that you pledge to never allow the same kind of people who currently run India to be part of your new home country.

Writing Feedback / The employment in the modern world, computer era. [3]

First, you need to go back to learning how to use a passive voice. For example, this one is incorrect:

"which are expected to replace by computer " - correct: "which are expected to be replaced by computer"

or this one:

"that people can be encountered " - correct: "that people can encounter"

Second, don't start common words with a capital letter (eg. The, or Teachers in the sentences above should be all lower-caps).


You need to elaborate more on that because it directly defies your thesis statement. Governments and corporations (that mostly sponsor and write laws for the government) - using tax money of the people - created the technology to replace the costly, human workforce. Now you are naively asking that the same governments will "create jobs." You need to find and focus on more reasonable solutions to your problem, knowing that there will be no help from government or corporations now and in the future.

Writing Feedback / Formally Written Essay on Why Hillary Clinton Should've Been President [2]


It's a good point (she was indeed selected by DNC to be a nominee, not elected, despite the fact she had less support than Bernie). So you should probably spend another sentence on that.

Regarding experience, you suggest that more experience = better. If that was the case, M. Jordan, if he was still playing, would be the best MVP candidate? Probably not.

You mention her experience as a wife of a president.. you may also ask a question - if she was not married to B. Clinton, would she have a chance to be selected as a congresswoman?


Yes, and should also mention the FBI investigation to an illegal server.

You mention president Obama and how Mrs. Clinton would 'build on his success.' But are people really better off today than they were 8 years ago? Would they want to continue the same path?

Finally, you may know that economy was among the most important issues in this year's presidential elections. But you only mention forcing 'equal pay' - forgetting that if there are high taxes and high regulations, like in the past 8 years, there are chances there would be no pay to share (businesses would either move to low-tax countries or would do nothing and join the millions who wait for the government to send them a paycheck).

I think you focus too much on social issues which mean nothing in times of no economic growth; you may want to devote at least an additional paragraph to: economic struggles during the Obama administration, bad (not only good) sides of illegal immigration, and external threats / how to prevent them (terrorism etc.). Plus, you put too much emphasis on what somebody SAID (Trump) versus what somebody DID (or DID NOT do).

Overall, this essay is very well written and constructed, but the points need to be more objective and stronger (again, focus more on hard-core issues, not social ones).

Undergraduate / The sole intention of the education is to equip the students with as much knowledge as possible [5]

Knowledge is one thing, but don't forget about critical thinking - without it knowledge is useless (you won't be able to determine if what you know is what is real or not).

Undergraduate / The birth of an unprecedented lifetime bond. Amherst supplement quote response. [8]

How about adding more information about the background of the program (how the 911 attacks are related to this scholarship; why it was established).

Student Talk / Suggestions to Essay Writers [11]

8. Use technology - modern browsers have auto-spelling corrections so take advantage of that by fixing misspelling mistakes BEFORE you post an essay here :)

Undergraduate / 'Hospital hallways' - supplement- Academic goals [3]

You should perhaps mention the issues related to unborn babies and how you would fight for their rights to live as well...

Dissertations / A completed literature review with a thesis proposal? [8]

Right, the important point is about grants since I wanted to receive one (in my dreams at least ;)

Writing Feedback / Which school facilities should receive money from the local authorities? [3]

You'd better not mention health issues - if you do, you should also point out that the 'modern electronic gadgets' cause cancer and blindness (which is still much better outcome than 'breathing problems' from chalks - at this point, though, I doubt you've ever hold a chalk in your hand because if you did you'd know it does not cause any breathing problems). Finally, you forgot to mention where the 'local authorities' receive money from (normally they produce nothing so they have to take money from someone to give it to someone else).