Undergraduate / 'I hadn't made friends since being there' - Short Introduce yourself [4]

I really need to edit some things..can you help me? I don't know how to change some words like "keep trying" which a repeat twice...

Please give me your honest feedback, no matter how harsh it is... I need it :)

I was sad. Extremely sad. It was December 31, 2010. I had finally decided to tell my Dutch host parents everything: I hadn't made friends since being there and I hated my Dutch school. Tears were coming down from my eyes while my words fully expressed my unhappiness. They told me to keep trying. Conclusion: I wasn't allowed to change school. Three weeks later I was exhausted and they felt my sadness: we decided that I may switch school. So it was. Since then my year went much better.

Later on I realized that I epically failed. I didn't have the strength to try, I was frightened by the new, by the fact that I didn't know what the answer would have been if I asked a girl in my class to go shopping together.

I now strongly believe that the more you dare, the further you get. One needs the strength to push away the fright of failing because it impedes us to keep trying. However, despairs leave rooms for discoveries to be made, bring into question our ideas and securities, carrying the only real satisfaction, which comprises of failures and accomplishments.

Obstacles must come our way otherwise no achievement can be attained. Just think about science: without any challenge, any unknown path, it can't develop. This is difficulty-an unknown path that has to be discovered. Its mysterious nature fears us and usually it is more comfortable staying with the few certainties we have than searching new ones. However, this is the only way I know to be a better person in the future and to attain goals one puts oneself.

Undergraduate / 'Volleyball companion' -Short activity essay [6]

Here is my activity essay..Does it give a good impression??

Eleven years ago I did not know I was starting an activity which would have been my life companion. Volleyball means a lot to me. It is not simply a pastime, but it requires energy, enthusiasm and teamwork that free my mind once I enter the gym. Serving, running, passing and smashing could be the simplest actions but they need concentration, intuition and determination; all characteristics that make me transfer to another world, where there is nothing beside the ball, the field and my team. Questions, discussions, plans are out of my mind and are not able to enter it. They start appearing to me only once finished the training, once in the car. I disengage my handbrake, start the car and once I speed up I am back to the real world.

Undergraduate / 'German shepherd' - Amherst supplement essay- difficulties [8]

I am a little bt unsure of it..can you please help me reviewing it??

5. "Difficulty need not foreshadow despair or defeat. Rather achievement can be all the more satisfying because of obstacles surmounted."

I had been Puck's master only for the last year. She is a young dog, specifically a German shepherd. Playing with her I always pretended to understand what her thoughts were. We see dogs and pets in general always in vacant mood, as if they do not think at all. This raised on me a, perhaps simple, question: Why do we have to struggle and pets, as puck, have the most quiet life ever?

Obstacles must ,or have to, come on our way otherwise no achievement can be attained. Just think about science, without any challenge, any unknown path, it can't develop. This is difficulty , an unknown path that has to be discovered. Its mysterious nature fears us. We do not know what to expect and usually it is more comfortable staying with the few certainties we have than searching new ones. Simply walking around I realize how the way we face difficulties defines our future: an old man wanders in the park ruminating on his youth, a guy is under effect of drugs, because he was too weak in facing big or small problems or a honest business man has arrived to the peak of his career thanks to his constancy and perseverance. I strongly believe that the more you dare, the furthest you get. One has to have the strength to push away the fright of breaking down, I guess despairs are simply psychological concepts which impede us to keep trying. However they give the opportunity to discover, to bring into question our ideas and securities, carrying with it the only real satisfaction, which is made of failures and accomplishments. This is the only way I know to be a better person in the future and to attain goals one puts oneself. At the end Puck's tranquility is not such a great philosophy of life for a human being.

Do I have to tell something about my experiences?? or is this also ok??

Undergraduate / 'Where is Albania' - UPenn supplement short answer [7]

Prompt: Optional short essay (approximately 150 words): introduce yourself to Penn. Our aim is to better understand how your identity, talents, and background guide your day-to-day experiences. 150 words

"Uh? Where is Albania?" Was the most frequent question I had heard during my stay in Holland. I had always introduced myself as the Albanian who lived in Italy, but it was easier for them recognizing me as Italian. I did not mind at all rather I was embarrassed about my native country. Progressively this exchange year In the Netherlands made me understand what being citizen of the world means. Meeting people from all over the world and building strong friendships with them will never make me forget the feelings they gave me. I have a third home and a second family which does not even speak my native language but with whom I have spent an important year of maturity. All these situations have made me conscious of the superficial judgment I had perceived on my ethnicity. Today, thanks to this enlightening experience, I am not ashamed to say "I am Albanian".

Undergraduate / "True learning" - Why UPenn essay [6]

Hey everyone
here is my UPenn supplement essay..
I would appreciate every kind of critic..
Thank you..

"True learning should indeed be the great aim and end of all learning", said once the great founder of UPenn, Benjamin Franklin. University of Pennsylvania, with its 4,199 faculties and 92 undergraduate majors, is where true learning can be pursued, where students have the chance to put themselves into situations they are not sure they are going to succeed at. This basically makes UPenn my first choice university.

Since currently my interests are linked to neuroscience, I would like to pursue the Biological Basis of Behavior Program (BBB), My attention was especially attracted by the Mahoney institute of Neurological Sciences, one of the best institution in the world for neuroscience research and training. This institution is the best example I can think about that highlights the importance given to the practical knowledge as much as to theoretical knowledge at UPenn. Searching and, why not, discovering new, even little aspects of human brain is what I am aiming to: it might bring me on the path for professional growth and making a tiny difference in people's life, which would be for me a really satisfying goal.

What I essentially like of UPenn is the dynamic community, that presents itself like a big international family that embraces alumni from all over the world and teachers together. Looking at the brochure and at the website the smiling students and the amazing view of Philadelphia city have me always been having the perception to belong to this environment. To me the importance of learning is also led to connecting different interests and keeping diverse avenues open. The Interdisciplinary Program offered by UPenn promotes this opportunity to explore new involvements, as taking courses in the other three undergraduate schools that are found at the campus. I consider it a great fortune, a way to steep in different disciplines and to view the world not only from one perspective.

The Academically Based Community Service is a perfect example of an active participation I would take in trying to solve community matters with exchanging opinions. Courses like "Nutritional Anthropology" and "The Art of Speaking: Communication Within the Curriculum Speaking Advisor Training" are great to make real this participation.

Being part of such a diverse community that furthers the develop of new ideas ,thanks also to the teachers that push students' minds to think in different ways and to develop their analytical skills, and full of opportunities to improve and increase my knowledge and aptitudes would be a great joy for me just as it would be a pleasure contributing to it.

Undergraduate / 'Classical sentence and Clothing' - Common app Essay [7]

Hi guys
I am an international student and I have finished my essays. however there is no one who can check them..
Can you please read it and tell me if there are some grammatical errors or a wrong use of the vocabulary?
Also if it is a good essay..
here is the essay

COMMON APP ESSAY
Every day, every moment of our life we are subject to important decisions. However if we think carefully most of the times life is the outcome of random circumstances. At the end the only things on which we really make a choice are the most insignificant, the ones we do not even think we are making a choice on.

The most personal one is clothing. I started experiencing the hardness of wearing when I entered in the pre-adolescence phase. Every single morning I have been struggling with my wardrobe just to find the right combinations. Perhaps I am not the only one.

What really intrigues me about wearing is how most of us deny to care about it: "Oh no, I am not that kind of person. I wear what is comfortable". Classical sentence: simple and to the point. Those are the ones who have on all the various color tones that arise in you the imagine of them staring themselves in front of the mirror for at least two hours. Thus, essentially no one admits publicly to care about their appearance/outer face. However it says something about the person, it talks to others creating an idea, an abstract imagine in their minds about an individual.

Walking on the shopping centre, My brother and I once entered OVIESSE shop and immediately a winter hat attracted his attention. He was so excited to have found it that he did not notice the ugly tag in front of it. Once he wore it, the tab clearly appeared on the mirror and his eyes became similar to those of a disillusioned child who discovered that his present was not the one he expected."I just want to wear something normal!" he muttered. All the beautiful clothes and shoes uglified by stems, numbers or whatever else that represents the designer label, were noticed that afternoon by him. I guess the word "normal" literally extinguished from our society. Alternative is the in vogue word today. Alternative people are allowed to wear everything combined in every way possible: red, yellow, blue, brown, orange. They invented the look.

Choosing what to wear has become a international problem. Perhaps this is a way of exhibition, a need of the man to be noticed. I would better call it a personal need. Wearing means feeling good, being in synch with our garments. This kind of choice embraces our necessity to be different, to distinguish our character from the others. We want to feel unique because we fear the number, the so-called mass.

In pretending to be different we make a bit of confusion. The mass is not equivalent to number. There can be millions and millions of similar people, but they can still remain individual, with their uniqueness. I think it is possible. Number is a meaningless concept, the only thing that really counts is using our unequalled head in making our personal choices, even if it has to do with such a simple thing like clothing.

pleaseeee help mee