Writing Feedback / IELTS GT Writing Task 2: Problems the country face in next ten years [2]

Hi all,

This is my 2nd essay.... it seems a tough topic as I am not a political person, but I have tried my best....please help comment, thanks in advance!!

What problems will your country face in the next ten years? How can these problems be overcome?

Recently many local people dispute whether the government should tighten the policy to control the traffic of mainlanders to Hong Kong. Their visits not only make Hong Kong become crowded, but also create some long-term impacts to locals.

One of key concerns is that mainlanders have huge demand on local products. Their huge consumption on local goods leads to local people face product and food shortage. For instance, some media reported that many mainlanders came Hong Kong to buy milk powders, and local parents found it was difficult to buy milk powders for their babies. Their needs are not only on daily household good or food, but also on housing. Due to inflation of their currency, most of the mainlanders think it are comparatively cheap to buy houses in Hong Kong. It further boost up the price of house in Hong Kong and make locals even more dificult to buy their own houses.

The competition of resources in another issue that arouse public concern. Recently it is common to see that local pregnants cannot make any booking for hospital services. The reason why there is no vacancy is that those services or rooms are fully booked and occupied by mainlanders. Most of the chinese believe the medical services offered in Hong Kong are in better quality than that in China. They all prefer to come to those hospitals in Hong Kong, despite higher costs.

In summary, it is unavoidable to have some negative impacts from mainlanders to Hong Kong. The government should tighten the immigration policy or increase the taxes for these non-citizens who make purchase in Hong Kong in order to tackle the problems.

Writing Feedback / IELTS GT Writing Task 2: To what extent should children have to follow rules? [2]

Hi all,

This is my first piece of essay...please help comment on it as I am quite short of ideas...thank you!!!

In some countries children have very strict rules of behaviour, while in other countries they are allowed to do almost anything they want.

To what extent should children have to follow rules?

In some countries children's behavior are restricted by many rules or traditions, while in other countries they are given a lot of freedom to do what they want. There has been much disputes over this question and my view is that there is no absolute right or wrong on both approaches.

Childrens living in those countries with strong traditional atmosphere always need to follow rules. For instance, in Chinese families, parents usually set a lot of rules to control their kid's behaviours. Children have to say morning to their parents every morning. Before starting the meals, they are required to say their parents' names or even all order relatives' names to show their respects to them. Certainly, whatever they want to do, they need to inform their parents and ask for their approval. Many support this argument because they believe it is a kind of protection for children. Without strict rules, childen may be not mature enough to make decision or evaluate what to do is correct. Some may even have no discipline or respect to others.

There are, however, some opposite argument against this approach for children. They argue that children should not be limited by rules. It will block their creativity and future development. Like in foreign countries, most of parents will not push their children to study something that they want. Children can study art or music even though these subjects may not benefit their careers. Without boundry, their mindsets are widened and they can have all-rounded development.

In summary, there are merits in both sides of argument. My view is that adults still need to some rules to guide children so that they know what is right or wrong. However, the rules can be changed sometimes, depending on different situations or needs.

Writing Feedback / IETLS GT writing task 1 - Writing to a penfriend [3]

Hi all,

This is my 2nd new letter writing. It is an informal letter and hope this one is acceptable. Please help comment on it, and suggest the possible band. Thank you!

You have a penfriend living in another country and he/she is curious to learn about major news items in your country.

Write a letter to your penfriend. In your letter

- greet your friend and say why you are writing
- briefly describe a news story in your country
- explain why people are interested in it

Dear John,

How are you? Haven't heard from you for long. Last time yoiu said you have to do a your professor requested you to study some recent hot news in Asia. Thus, I'd like to share one talk of town with you.

As you know, chinese people become richer now and they tend to look for some quality goods. Certainly they can't easily buy these goods in China, while Hong Kong is their ideal destination to purchase quality goods. As most of them travel to Hong Kong conveniently without any visa application, they frequently come to Hong Kong for shopping.

Guess what they often buy? They not only buy those luxury goods, but also buy household products like shampoo, laundries or even milk powders.

Because of their huge demand on milk powders, most of local moms complain that they can't purchase any milk powders for their babies, and their babies have nothing to eat. Crazy?

As Hong Kong seems to be occupied by mainlanders now, it affects the supply of most of products for local people. Their impacts to locals are really big which arouse the public interests, and become the hot talking point in the city.

I hope this news can help you understand what happen in Hong Kong and good enough for your project. Will keep you posted if I heard any interesting news.

Love,

Writing Feedback / IETLS GT writing task 1 - Complaint to a restaurant [2]

Hi all,

This is my new letter writing. I have not written letters for quite a long time and hope this one is okay. Please help comment on it, and suggest the possible band. Thank you!

You are a member of an organization which meets regularly at a particular restaurant. The most recent meal you had there was not satisfactory.
Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant. In your letter
- Introduce yourself and explain why you are writing,
- Explain what was wrong with the food and the service,
- Suggest what he/she should do to ensure that you and your group return to the restaurant.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am the officer of Hong Kong Toursim Development Department, and now want to complain about the bad services and meals in your restaurant.

Last Friday, at around 8pm, I went to you restaurant with my friend for dinner. We ordered two dinner sets, including caser salads, beefs and drinks. My friend requested the beef to be cooked in median, while mine was well done. Once the dishes came we fond that all beefs seemed to be overcooked. The texture of beef was dry and even turned to dark. Certainly the tastes were bad and not acceptable. We tried to ask the witress to change the beefs, but she rejected us without giving us any good reason. She just explained impolitely that it was the unique cooking style and there was nothing wrong for the beefs. Overall, I was very unsatisfied about experience in your restaurant, no matter in term of food of service quality.

To improve overall food and services quality, I suggest your side should set up a "customer feedback" scheme, which provide some cards on each table and allows every customer to comment the overall service delivery. I do believe your restaurant will keep improving after collecting many valuable customer's feedbacks.

Yours sincerely,

Writing Feedback / 'the scale of new technologies is overwhelming' - IETLS 2: Technology is good or not? [NEW]

Hi all,

This is my second essay recently. Hopefully I finish this on time but I am not sure about the quality. Please feel free to give comments. Thank you!!

Technology Problems and Government Solutions

Technology can bring many benefits, but it can also cause social and environmental problems. In relation to new technology, the primary duty of governments should be to focus on potential problems, rather than benefits. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the twenty-first centuries, it is evident that new technologies bring us uncountable advantages, and their downside are often deliberately ignored or untold by the mass media. To balance this, people suggest the government to concentrate on the negative concerns of these technologies first. I strongly agree with this view and this essay will address the arguments in detail. 59

The principal argument refers to the social aspect. Obviously, a lot of young people infatuate with their iphone or chatting apps too much, such that they lack contact with the others in the society. This results in a reduced ability to live or build up a decent relationship with their peers, which would be increasingly harmful to their future. To tackle with this, the government should draft some obligations such as parental guidances on usage of these devices. 78

Another strong argument comes to the environmental impact. Connecting back to the social aspect mentioned before, people might be considered not 'trendy' enough for not to purchase a new phone every year or even half a year. Iphone is a perfect illustration here, as iphone 4s came up only six months after the announcement of iphone 4. Consequently, the iphone 3 or its older versions will become electronic wastes and pose an enormous threat to the environment. The government have to consider the facilities to process these unwanted materials, or even contact some foreign companies to ship them away. The hidden cost, if not planned and handled seriously, would be skyrocketing high. 110

Some people argue that the benefits of new technologies are extremely clear, to name a few, conveniences, efficiency and effectiveness. However, the role of government is and always should be to control the impact before the disadvantages actually outweigh the advantages and become irreversible. 44

There could be merits and demerits in both side of the argument.In my opinion, I am convinced that the government should take initiatives to protect against potentially negative issues, since the scale of new technologies is overwhelming and citizens might not be able to discover the drawbacks before they actually encounter them. New obligations and rules would not only be essential, they ought to be carried out as soon as possible. 72

Total 363

Writing Feedback / IETLS 2: Discussions on travelling [3]

Hi all,

Here is my new essay. I have not written essays for a while and I hope it's not too bad this time. Please feel free to comment and correct. Thank you!!

It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? Discuss.

Travelling is very popular in many countries in general, where people spend a significant amount of time on this to relax or try to widen their vision within the year. Indeed, this advantageous activity could let the visitors perceive brand new things which are usually unprecedented to them. In the opposite side, however, some argue that discovering the beauty of their own land should be done first.

One of the important gift we earn is the language. Visitors could by no means evade from purchasing gifts or entering negotiations and gossips with local merchants. This in turn boost up their capability on the language. History would be another major learning as evidently, buildings, utility companies and even conversations with sophisticated local citizens would indirectly tell their stories.

Regarding the debatable view on whether exploration on the own land should be the first priority, the advocates believe that the ease of exploration is an apparently convincing argument. For instance, those young citizens could visit certain museums at no cost. Understanding the history and beauty of their own country would be another strong point. It is the responsibility of a citizen to have a clear picture of their birthplace.

There are also totally different view to this topic. The low cost of exploration would be a limitation on the other hand, as in the reality world, cost does relate to its content, and thus the vision is consequently limited. Some also argue that it is not enough to understand their own country only as it might result in a biased view, either historically or politically. For example, people living in a communist country might not be able to discover the details of a democratic regime.

The advantages of travelling, primarily regarding language and history, give an encouraging push for citizens to go for trips besides of relaxation. For the debate on whether we should explore our own country first, there is clearly merits in both sides of the argument. Personally, I agree to explore our own land in the first place as it is our root and heart, despite those with enough financial capability could consider the other option.

Writing Feedback / IELTS GT: request to look after the house and pet on holiday [3]

Hi All,

Here is my informal letter writing...please give some comments, thanks!

A friend has agreed to look after your house and pet while you are on holiday.

Write a letter to your friend. In your letter
- give contact details for when you are away
- give instructions about how to care for your pet
- describe other household duties
Dear John,

Thank you in advance for taking care of my home and lovely dogs when I'm on vacation. Remember to reserve a night for my dinner treat! Here are some details I'd like you to drop down when I am away.

I'll turn off my cell phone during the trip. For any urgent matters, please leave a message at my mobile number 91234567, or send an email. Besides, could you please take my adorable

chihuahua to bath once a day, clean her dog poops twice a day, and don't forget to bring her to the park for a walk every morning. The park is located next to the shopping centre under my flat.

I believe there are some more home duties to do as well. Feeling nervous? Keep calm please, my requests are only to sweep the floor and mop the floor on every Sunday. Be careful as the floor is laminated!

Guess what? I'll buy a gift to you - your favourite Godiva dark cholocate assortion. I can't wait to meet you very soon after the trip!

Best Wishes,

Writing Feedback / IELTS GT 2: reason and solution of poverty [3]

Hi All,

Here is another essay with an relatively common topic. Any comments are welcomed. Thank you!

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor.

What are some of the reasons for poverty? What can we do to help the poor?

One of the common observations in various societies around the world is that citizens are classified by their financial position. Their governments usually have to issue policies and provide funding to assist those who earn significantly less. This essay will examine the root of problem and suggest solutions to improve the situation. 52

The major reason of poverty is the lack of proper education. When they spent insufficient time to be educated in their adolescences, probably they would discover the extreme difficulty to get the well-paid jobs, as the prerequisite typically includes a university level of education at the minimum. Consequently, keeping their job is the major concern because it is unrealistic to invest a large amount of money on getting a degree. 70

Another principal reason refers to the absence of sufficient natural resource. This led to the reliance on the import of oil crude and other similar resources from foreign countries, and in turn worsen their financial position due to the skyrocketing and unpredictable inflation of the price. As a result, escaping from poverty is supposedly impossible. 55

A practical solution on the education issue is to join fund-raising activities introduced by charitable organizations. Joining a voluntary trip to teach the financially disadvantaged people could be another excellent opinion. On the other hand, to tackle with the resource concern, developed countries like United States should import at a discounted price in order to fulfill the ethical responsibility. Alternative resources, like solar power energy, should also be widespread introduced to minimise the production cost. 75

Numerous reasons could be found and analysed for why these people are getting poorer. However, what we should do is to encourage personal funding on education and introduce cheaper and other means of natural resources to them, such that the situation could be vastly improved. 45

total 297 words

Writing Feedback / IETLS GT 1: Bus problems [3]

Hi All,

This is another letter writing I wrote. Please give some comments and corrections...your help is very much appreciated! Thank you!

You travel by bus every weekday, and you always use the same bus route.

Recently the bus has not been reliable. You have also noticed that the bus is dirtier than it used to be.

Write a letter to the manager of the bus company. In your letter
- introduce yourself and explain why you are writing
- explain the situation
- suggest what should be done to improve the service.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am a student of Sunny high school, and a regular bus passenger who takes the 59a route from Monday to Friday in a weekly basis. I am writing to complain about the unreliable schedule and tidiness issue of the bus route.

The bus used to arrive at the bus stop near my home at 8am. Recently it did not arrive on time and sometimes missed the schedule. Even worse, a lot of graffiti appeared on the interior of the bus within these few weeks. Normally the bus staff would clean the wall and clear the painting, however these drawings remained which affected the tidiness of the bus.

I would like to suggest the drives to be much more punctual to meet the schedules, since it would led to the lateness of a large group of passengers. Additionally, staffs should clean the bus more frequently, such as three or four times a week. I sincerely hope the situation to be vastly improved in the near future.

Yours faithfully,

Writing Feedback / IETLS GT 2: should there be free health services? [9]

Hi All,

Here is another essay I wrote on health services. I am lack of health terms and is not really satisfied with my output. There might also be too many words (319). Anyway, I would post it here and wait for any comments. Thank you!!

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through this service because they are too expensive.

To what extend do you agree with this statement?

Health service fee is consistently a huge concern for the citizens in various countries. One of the suggested solutions to this issue refers to the provisions of free-of-charge healthcare service, despite in the expense of most advanced technologies on medical catering close to the exceptional cost. Personally, I somewhat disagree with this approach based on the significant advantages brought by innovations in medications and maintain an acceptable level of service quality. 71

The principal argument against health services at no cost is to enjoy the benefits provided by the newest medical treatments. Apparently, numerous kind of illnesses and diseases claimed to be incurable in the past could be tackled by recent medicines and antidotes. Taking smallpox as an example, it is nearly a hundred percent assured that the patients would pass away in the ultimate stage. Fortunately, since the twentieth centuries the doctors produce some effective medications to change their fate. 79

Another major argument to keep the service fee is that it would led to an drastic increase of workload for health service providers, which in turn deteriorates the service quality in a significant sense. Expecting the doctors and nurse to appropriately handle the skyrocketing increased cases with limited resource might be realistic. 52

On the other hand, some may argued that for those who are either in poverty or financially disadvantaged, the government is responsible to take care of their needs in order to relieve their finance burdens. It could be a alive-or-dead situation for them when they suffer serious illness and in moral sense they should have the right to be treated without consideration on relatively unaffordable service. 66

Both sides have their merits and demerits. In my opinion, advancing medications and agreeable quality of health services outweigh ethical reasons on patient treatments. Perhaps the government could assist or aid these poor people by funds or issue some coupons on a regular basis to leverage the disadvantaged group of citizens. 51