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Posts by Linnus
Joined: Dec 27, 2008
Last Post: Jan 22, 2009
Threads: 6
Posts: 89  


Displayed posts: 95 / page 2 of 3
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Linnus   
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / Chicago short question- "Intellectual Holy Grail" [5]

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago. (2 paragraphs)

When I hear "University of Chicago" I envision an intellectual Holy Grail with mathematical and graphical representations of black holes and economic theory in the background. Of course, just knowing that the University of Chicago is filled with world renowned professors and an unrivaled science and economics curriculum only tells me part of the story. As I uncovered more secrets of University of Chicago, I slowly fell in love with the university. The University is packed with students who have a genuine passion for learning that surpasses the tangible wall of the classroom. Most importantly, the University cultivates an environment that promotes critical thinking through its small discussion oriented class led by full time professors and the intellectual and cultural diversity it offers.

Even though my primary interest is in the sciences and economics, it is my intention to be a renaissance man. University of Chicago's intellectual melting pot and its focus on offering its students a broad range of interdisciplinary classes will help me achieve this dream. I have no doubt that I will attend graduate school in the future because of my hunger for knowledge. The institution's emphasis on community involvement and developing leadership skills along with the rigorous curriculum it offers will not only prepare me for graduate school, but also the competition environment of the outside world.

Any advice or suggestions is appreciated! I will try my best to return the favor. Thank you so much!
Linnus   
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Extracurricular Essay - 150 words or fewer. [5]

"However I felt my expression was limited to a certain genre of music, which diversified at best to fusion."

"From there it was a natural progression to my Drum-set"

"But even as I continue drumming, my fascination with beats has led me to another dimension of creative expression - Dancing. Call it Hip Hop, B-Boying or Breaking.

I don't think "drum", "dancing", "hip hop", and "breaking" should be in capitalized.

Nice short response.
Linnus   
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / Chicago short question- "Intellectual Holy Grail" [5]

Hey! Thanks for the suggestions.

After you know that:
Chicago is home to eighty-one recipients of the Nobel Prize (highest among any universities). It is also develop the "Chicago school of economics" which is "a neoclassical school of thought within the academic community of economists" (wiki). It is also the home to many ground-breaking experiments.

Am I still laying it too thick?
Linnus   
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay ( The one with unlimited words ) [11]

"I had one focus - to make it to Carnegie Mellon"

I'm not sure if this will look good to other colleges.

When you say "till" do you mean "until"?

"I'm talking about the most important issue: family."

Family is not an "issue" is it?

Since childhood, I have had one grandparent. who was simple, adoring, lovable , and always around.

"From her preparing tea for me late at night while I pored over differential equations, the situation got reversed."

This is an incomplete sentence.

You have some wordy and awkward sentences that I don't know how to fix without changing the style.
Linnus   
Dec 30, 2008
Undergraduate / Common App Essay ( The one with unlimited words ) [11]

I think using "until" shows you have a better mastery of English. Also until is more formal than "till" which is probably better for the essay.

I don't think "the situation got reversed" is necessary because you later state "Now, it was the whole family monitoring her every move, her every need."

Now, just rephrasing this part "From her preparing tea for me late at night while I pored over differential equations" should be much easier.
Linnus   
Dec 31, 2008
Undergraduate / Why Northwestern Essay (with the content) [5]

"although my mother's visits to the campus became less frequent, they were replaced by my sister's visits as a graduate student obtaining a MA in English"

This is a rather abrupt addition to the first part of the sentence.

"Through this experience I grew to love not only the campus, but also the welcoming students and staff.

"Engineering Program"

Doesn't need to be capitalized.

Well written.
Linnus   
Dec 31, 2008
Undergraduate / Minority students. As a Puerto Rican student I I helped bring Latino Club to my school. [10]

I do feel the meaning of "creamy colored hallways" is unclear which makes this sentence "As a Puerto Rican student navigating the creamy colored hallways I begin to lose my identity" a bit confusing.

PS: I would recommend you to not type in all caps next time. It is rather annoying to for the readers.

Anyways good luck!
Linnus   
Dec 31, 2008
Undergraduate / Northwestern Supplement- Utilizing the resouces at NW [2]

Prompt: What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

A distinctive feature of Northwestern University is its quarter system. The quarter system will allow me to accelerate in my studies. By utilizing the quarter system and the combined BS/MS program offered at Northwestern's McCormick School, I will be able to graduate with a masters degree in engineering within four years. This program gives me a sufficient amount of time to experience the four-year college life. In addition to the master's degree, I will be able to do at least one internship during the four years. This is important to me because I believe a practical approach to learning is vital.

Also, I noticed that there is something different about Northwestern University from all the other universities: Northwestern deeply cares about its undergraduates. The easy-to-use undergraduate website that Northwestern provides and the fact that over 97% of undergraduate courses at Northwestern are taught by its faculty are all evidence to support my belief. This means that I will not be getting a hastily education from Northwestern via the quarter system, but instead an intellectually challenging and fast paced learning experience, which is exactly what I want.

In addition to the superior education Northwestern offers, the wealth of clubs and community service opportunities will provide me with an ample amount of leadership opportunity and chances to give back to the community of Evanston and Chicago. By developing my leadership skills through involvement in the community and school, I will have obtained a skill that is crucial to any successful engineers. Involvement will also allow me to broaden my network, which is crucial to anyone that wants to be successful in the future.

Furthermore, one cannot overlook the importance of the diversity that Northwestern offers. By working with a diverse group of students, I can learn the different points of views and solutions to engineering problems, which will broaden my horizon and allow me to think more creatively. Also, interacting with students of different cultural backgrounds will allow me to improve my social skills which will better prepare me for the future.

Lastly, the McCormick School is a first class engineering school. I believe the School will teach me how to blend ideas with math and science to create innovative products. By taking advantage of the undergraduate research opportunity that is available to its students, I can pursue my interest into a deeper level. The research opportunity will not only prepare me for graduate school, but also it will give me a deepen understanding of the engineering topic that I will pursue by working in close proximity with a Northwestern professor.

The amount of opportunities available at Northwestern is unparalleled. The convenient location along with a diverse student body and club choices coupled with a first class education is what ultimately attracted me to the school.

Any suggestion is welcome. I need to make it longer. Also I think it is rather weak and choppy as it stands. The conclusion need some work too I believe... I know there is bound to a lot of grammar mistakes.
Linnus   
Dec 31, 2008
Undergraduate / CORNELL SUPPLEMENT, College of Arts and Sciences (Chemistry) [7]

I don't see how your interest have evolved. One minute you were struggling, the next minute you became a genius.

It will probably benefit you more if you just focus on one subject and describe how you become interested in it and its evolution while interconnecting it with other interests.

"Though I knew that certain traits of nature could be predicted, as I had been doing all my life, it seemed like almost a privilege this time"- awkward sentence.

Also, I think you need to do more with "tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences"

Good luck!
Linnus   
Dec 31, 2008
Undergraduate / Chicago Supplement- Is the universe really what we perceive it to be? [7]

Thanks for the complement! I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by "highlight two or three different ideas that you are putting together". Or perhaps, I am not understanding the prompt of this essay.

It says "Let us glimpse the secrets of the universe newly revealed" so I presented a couple made-up fundamental particles, discuss its significant and interpretation of the universe. I added lines such as

This is what basically the standard model, quantum mechanics, classical physic, and string theory do- reveals the secret of the universe.

My references to the M-theory (a prominent version of the string theory), the uncertainty principle, which is a component of quantum physics (when I said "impossible to predict its exact position and velocity instantaneously"), quantum mechanics, and description of the particles in my essay I tried to "let [you] glimpse the secrets of the universe newly revealed" by comparing it with the current ideas.

Thank you so much!
Linnus   
Dec 31, 2008
Undergraduate / Chicago Supplement- Is the universe really what we perceive it to be? [7]

Oh! I see. In interpreted this: "Put two or three ideas or items in a particle accelerator thought experiment. Smash 'em up. What emerges? Let us glimpse the secrets of the universe newly revealed" to mean focus on "the secrets of the universe" instead of "what you put in the particle accelerator". Thanks for the suggestions!
Linnus   
Dec 31, 2008
Undergraduate / NYU short answer (diversity is critical to my future education) [13]

I'm not sure if you answered the question.

"I personally value diversity as a critical element of my future education. I believe that people can grow emotionally through human interaction."- Doesn't address the prompt at all.

I would focus on a club, organization, etc and tell how it would impact the larger community.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 1, 2009
Undergraduate / NYU short answer (diversity is critical to my future education) [13]

First, New York City is considered a cultural melting pot. Also, I believe it will more meaningful if you talked about the impact it might have beyond NYC. Lastly, are you sure NYU doesn't have a similar club?

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 1, 2009
Undergraduate / University of Chicago the road essay ("the politics of life") [4]

The reason I didn't read the whole thing was because it is hard to follow. Sorry for being so harsh!

I read the rest of it. The last 3 paragraph was way easier to follow. Yes, you did connect all the ideas together in the end, but the transitions between the bottom paragraphs is rather weak in my opinion (I have that problem too). It is a good essay as it stands (if you edit out all the grammatical errors). By smoothing out the transitions, you can make it into an excellent essay.

The reason I am being so harsh is because the essays are REALLY REALLY important for UChicago. It carried more weight than others universities.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 1, 2009
Undergraduate / University of Chicago the road essay ("the politics of life") [4]

Haha. Hope to see you at Stern or UChicago. No, I'm not from Singapore.

By the way, you have a habit of capitalizing a lot of things that doesn't need to be capitalized. Remember only proper nouns need to be capitalized (of course, the beginning of a sentence too).

"Chai" and "Vendors" doesn't need to be capitalized.

"Mothers chubby of too much butter" isn't the right way to describe a mother who is fat because she ate too much butter. I don't want to correct it because I will change your style.

"you might be lucky to be caught up during the police check-up"
Do you mean "you might be lucky enough to capture a glimpse of a police check-up"?

"A spy or a messenger comes from uphill, bringing the message of the infrequent raid."

In a canon, the shops clear out their materials out on off the road, andtwo by two (on each side)Suddenly, the street becomessuddenlybecame wider, with only some plastic bags floating around carefreefreely.

Try, quickly or its variants instead of "in a canon". Also this sentence is rather wordy.

"Mothers chubby of too much butter" isn't the right way to describe a mother who is fat because she ate too much butter. I don't want to correct it because I will change your style too much.

Good luck!

PS/Edit: These corrections are for the first draft. I started on it before you posted your second draft.
Linnus   
Jan 1, 2009
Undergraduate / trait or characteristic / activity engage - NYU SUPPLEMENT [3]

For number 2, focus on a club or organization and tell what you do with it. Instead of saying what you will do, tell HOW you will do it. For instance instead of saying "We can do this by giving shelter to the needy and have can drives, soup drives to homeless centers" talk about fundraisers etc.

"others, introduce herself to new people, etc."
Etc is too informal.

Also, are you sure that NYU doesn't have similar club?

"song i would perform in a talent show"
"I" should be capitalized (obviously).

You should make #4 longer.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Is it ok to use fragments in extracurricular activities? [6]

You listed WAY too many things in your first sentence. I would not recommend using a fragment. It can be interpreted as a weak control of the English language. There are many others methods that you can use for a dramatic effect.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 1, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App supplement (Sentence structure and grammar problems) [4]

What is "Spanish sounds"? Do you mean spanish words or..?

"Maria Maria" sung The Product G&B"
Do you mean by The Product G&B?

"east & west coast rivalry conflict"
You should probably use "and". Interesting, I didn't know there is a "east and west coast rivalry"

"also tells a romantic version of Westside Story"

You mean West Side Story (the musical?)

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 1, 2009
Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

Oh...I'm not sure. It depends on the college. You should call the admission office and ask.
Linnus   
Jan 2, 2009
Student Talk / Payment Question (it doesn't show up on the Common App site yet) [21]

Are you sure you paid the right college? Check again. Because I paid NYU before I submitted my application, and they allowed me to submit my application afterward. Have you tried logging out and clearing your cookies? Sometimes the common app will become buggy.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 2, 2009
Undergraduate / submission question (I my common app at 12:01) [9]

It really depends on the school. Check the admission FAQ page to see if the school addresses that question. I know Stanford does. If not, you can always email them and ask.
Linnus   
Jan 2, 2009
Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

I believe most selective universities would care if you don't submit the application before the deadline. They have thousands of applicants who submitted their application before the deadline, why should they treat the ones who miss the deadline differently?

@justinwang
No, it does not mean you have missed the deadline.
Linnus   
Jan 2, 2009
Undergraduate / Interesting idea? - Argonne National Laboratory and Fermila [6]

I'm applying to Chicago too! Good luck!

Anyways,
"ideas it is composed of."

Of what?

Also "a knack for procrastination which may see him work up to the deadline on projects" and "However, side effects include: pride which may stem from his achievements and hinder judgementjudgment, possible jealousy due to excessive loyalty..." sounds like you are referring to yourself. Not sure if that is good.
Linnus   
Jan 2, 2009
Undergraduate / Interesting idea? - Argonne National Laboratory and Fermila [6]

I would re-read the essay for grammar mistakes (I don't have the time now). I like the format, but I think you should elaborate on the idea a bit more. Make it sound more intellectual and complex, but understandable at the same time.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 3, 2009
Student Talk / Payment Question (it doesn't show up on the Common App site yet) [21]

The common app website will always tell you that you haven't submitted your payment for Harvard. You might have realized that Harvard used a different payment system than the other common app colleges. That is the reason why it doesn't show that you have paid. As long as you received an email confirmation stating that they received the payment, you should be fine.
Linnus   
Jan 3, 2009
Faq, Help / How long to reply by a moderator or contributor? [9]

Hey Jennifer,

EssayForum: Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, TOS # 12 states: "Due to high volume of essay revision requests, the moderators can only provide ONE revision of your essay. However, you may post subsequent drafts for peer-editing AS LONG AS they are posted in the original thread (otherwise, if you post a revised draft in a new thread, it will be removed)."
Linnus   
Jan 4, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Unfortunate beginning' - Common app essay - significant person (my mother) [4]

"The moment my mother walked away from my abusive father for her children, I finally realized what an extraordinary woman she is."

I don't think "finally" is necessary.

"The strength that she displaysdisplayed through the adversities of growing up in a poverty stricken family and her survival in a foreign country greatly shaped my perspective in life."

"Witnessing her battle to live life trying to survive and provide her children with the opportunities that she never had, strengthen my determination to shoot for my dreams. Her passion and drive for knowledge and her unwavering principles of honesty, hard work, and perseverance became my sources of motivation and inspiration."

These two sentence convey the same idea. Try to combine them.

"make my mother's dream come true."

So you are living for your mother, but not yourself?

I quickly scanned through the rest of your essay. It tells me a lot about your mother, but not yourself.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 4, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application Essay - Sig. Experience (Lego League) [8]

I agree with Samuel that your essay is a bit too long. I am reading a lot of "we" in your essay. The common app personal statement is suppose to tell the admission officers about YOU, your personality and character. This essay tells me a lot about the details of your project, which is unnecessary.

My advice: Make it shorter. Make it more concise. Lastly, focus on your character and personality. Why is that experience significant to you? How did it change you? What did you learn?

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 4, 2009
Undergraduate / "I should have been dead." I've been poisoned. Attacked with blurred vision and slurred tongue... [6]

"Attacked with blurred vision and slurred tongue, I laywas(?)/ lie (somewhere)? dazed and confused"

Are you trying to say you lie down after you were attacked with blurred vision and slurred tongue and became "dazed and confused"?

"The heat, the sweat, the loud sounds, and the(?)anxiety all consumed me."

I feel "all" is an unnecessary word.

"Doctors runningran back and forth, phone calls made left and right, all while I wasbeing carried back from Intensive Care. "

"The sheer terror I felt when I awokewoke up from that coma, was overwhelming, almost traumatizing."

"All until I remained alone in that upcoming darkness of the night."

I don't understand this sentence.

Something happened, I couldn't read the rest of this essay. Sorry!

I hope this helped.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Common Application essay- Money [3]

"According to the bible, they will make money their God on earth that they even might skip church for a business meeting or an outing."

This is a fragment. I'm not sure what you are trying to convey.

This essay doesn't tell me much about you. You talked about money and the bible, and gave examples why money and greed is evil, but how does that influence you? How did it change you? The personal statement should tell the reader something about you.

"Some people assume that "money buys happiness". I believe they are mistaken. Although money can make life easier for us, it can never buy happiness. Money doesn't make you happy."

Really? I disagree. I believe not having money will certainly make a person depressed (there are people who suicide who after losing a lot of money). Using this argument, wouldn't having money make them happy? Can people be truly happy if they are in debt and they don't have any income?

"Jesus who knew the human heart better than anyone in the world made it clear that most rich people tend to make wealth their number one priority in life; consequently, they forget all about the Almighty who created them."

Also, I'm not sure if you want to take the bible approach. It is quite opinionated and sounds unscientific. I'm not sure if the admission officers would like that. I guess it would be fine if you are applying to a religion based school.

Good luck!
Linnus   
Jan 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Short Answer Response, two stories. Which one to chose? [18]

I believe that One thing I really do well is investing onin the stock market.

"Despite my age, I was enthused and ready to learn."

The sentences following this sentence doesn't tell the reader how you were "enthused and ready to learn".

This short response has the potential to become a really good short response. I believe you focused a bit too much on the process of your investments, not so much why are you good at investing.

Try to be concise and focus on why are you good at investing and give some examples (which you have done). Why do you think you are so profitable, give the reader a bit more insight.

Good luck!

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