Your essay is very good. You have brought out your emotions really nicely. It is nicely constructed and very clear as well. But you are over the word limit which is a real shame because this is such a nice essay as it is. :/
Statistics showed that in 2009, 5,474 people were killed in the U.S. because of accidents that involved, distracted driving and another 448,000 were injured.
....Good point. It catches the reader's eye.
Cell phones cause distraction and horrible accidents which even led to death.
Since you have said "cause" you will have to use the present tense. Cell phones cause distraction and horrible accidents which even lead to death.
You have presented some very good facts that catches the reader's eye. Well done. :)
This is a very debatable topic. I don't think you can call somebody your friend if he/she is not there for you when your in need, but then again I don't think that you would be friends in the first place if you don't have fun together. Therefore I believe a friend should be a mix of both.
In recent years the quantity of students studying oversea has gone up dramatically the world over.
The number of students studying abroad has risen significantly in the past few years.
Take Vietnam for example, a lot of big companies there ask people applying for jobs to have foreign bachelors and the reasons are given out that abroad learners from developed countries have wider experiences than others.
... This sentence is too long. Try to break it down. Many big companies in Vietnam requires a foreign bachelor degree from their employees. This is due to the belief that the foreign educated students are more experienced than others.
When the heat and the light of the sun enter the atmosphere but cannot get out as they are trapped in the earth's surrounding by the greenhouse gases and thus resulting in temperature rise.
Heat rays from the sun is what keeps the Earth warm. But if these heat rays get trapped in the atmosphere, they would cause the temperature to rise. Green house gases such as Carbon Dioxide, Methane, and Nitrous Oxide traps these heat rays and prevent them from returning to space. This results in global warming.
Another important reason for global warming is large amount of carbon dioxide produced from burning fossil fuels for different purposes especially for power generation on various power plants.
Another reason for global warming is the excessive emission of Carbon Dioxide to the atmosphere. Burning of fossil fuels is the main source of Carbon Dioxide emission.
Global warming is also caused due to less knowledge about it.
I think you should present this idea in another way.
Hmm yeah it does sound better but I think it's best to stick with just simply saying awareness of global warming would help man tackle it better. Or you must show how the lack of awareness leads to global warming. :)
no no it's just something I wrote for fun. It is an issue in the world that simply caught my eye. :) I'm neither really interested in science or religion that much. Bit of a free thinker. ;)
Many people like spending their free time in these facilities because it helps them to relax and bring them a lot of pleasure.
You bring a good point here but i don't think it's presented properly. Try rephrasing it. :)
In brief, it is generally believed that it is better for children to be brought up in the city not only because can it socialize them, but also because they can receive better education and have a better chance to get a suitable job.
Well I'm not really sure whether I can agree with you. Because it actually might be healthier to live in the countryside because the cities are polluted.
There are many differences between young people and their parents in handling money.
There are many differences between young people and their parents when it comes to handling money. Or The manner in which young people handle money is quite different to the way their parents do.
In the first place, parents often do some traditional jobs such as worker, farmer...
First of all, most parents are employed in the traditional work field, such as farming...
In addition, parent's salary is quite lower while salary now is higher.
In addition, the salary of a parent is quite low compared to what young people earn.
This sentence is not clear. better to rephrase it. :)
Unless it is developed to accomodate increasing number of car,it will aggravate the traffic problems in cities,however it is unfair,government is expecting the car owners to pay for new development.
This sentence is too long and is very confusing. I think you need to work on your grammar and presentation. Without grammar and proper presentation the essay will fall apart.
You write nicely and your presentation is good. I like the way you have shown your love for learning new languages. But the prompt asks you how you have prepared yourself for your career. I can understand the connection you are showing between languages and being a doctor. But perhaps you should add more on the other stuff needed to be a doctor. Without them the language part sounds irrelevant. :/
and with butterflies practically throwing a party inside my stomach
... hehehe nice one.
it enables them to freely move their legs to speed up.
it enables them to speed up by moving their legs freely.
I like your essay. You have presented your love for the sport beautifully. I think it's best if you post the prompt so that we can give you more accurate feedbacks.
I read your essay from top to bottom and I must say you have done an excellent job. Very neat and nicely constructed. And I like the way you write. Well done. :)
I like the way you write. Everything is very clear and tidy. It is a very good essay. Just a few hiccups here and there shown by the previous comment, but other than that it's very good. Best of luck to you. :)
There are many people with generous hearts , whogive their moneyinwith thehopethat it would helpto feed the starving children,but the money they sacrifices end up inpocketsthe stomachof the heartless tricksters.
I believe there must have some solutions to this problem.
I believe that it is important to find a solution for this problem.
When one student cheats, it affects all the students in the class. Teachers will start to question the work done by other students as well, resulting in a negative learning environment. It is important to understand that the credibility of the entire class remains unquestioned only if the entire class is honest with their work.
You write very well. And your sentences are very clear. But the idea of freaking out to go to a gym? hmmm.. To be honest as I was reading your essay I thought it might have been a job interview or something.
Recent US gun shot which killed innocent children and responsible staff brought endless sorrow to the community and arouse the public's rethinking towards gun control.
You have said "brought" at the beginning of the sentence and therefore everything should be in the past tense.
Your essay is well constructed and the examples you have used are very good.Your ideas are brilliant and I like the way you write. Well done. :)
