Undergraduate / Gardens/ Molecular Biology/ Fresh& Tranquility/ Ancient Architecture; Why Rhodes? [3]

hey everyone. this is my why rhodes supplement. Please help me with any suggestions or criticisms and also the word limit. everything is appreciated. help me and i will help you. thanks.

The view as I might one day sit in one of the gardens at Rhodes, I can imagine, will be mesmerizing. The leaves falling, colors everywhere, the stone buildings, and long lanes of grass- just the mere thought of it excites me. Rhodes is one of the few colleges that meets most of my requirements. It has a unique molecular biology major and provides me with research opportunities through which I can prepare for my career earlier in life. The diverse student body gives me a chance to meet people from different cultures and learn about them while sharing my own culture with them. The 10:1 student to faculty ratio allows me to have adequate interaction with the teacher to learn effectively. But the most inviting part for me is the kind of environment I might be surrounded with.

Raised in a crowded city where all forms of pollution take away the last ounce of serenity left within you, I have always wanted to live in a place where I would be able to simply look around me and feel fresh and tranquil. Rhodes offers me exactly that. The beauty of the Rhodes surroundings can help me find peace in my mind. The stone buildings reflecting the ancient American architecture will help me adapt to a new environment swiftly and will allow my fascination of ancient objects to flourish. The small but diverse community will allow me to be a part of a closely knit family where I know everyone and everyone knows me. I believe that what is around me can truly inspire me and at Rhodes, I will be inspired in every way to thrive and excel for the next four years.

Undergraduate / Peace lover / changing perceptions- About myself, perspective & what I hope to learn [4]

hey everyone. this is my new supplement. please give me any kind of feedback. i will appreciate it if you help me cut down about 15 words. help me and i will help you. thanks.

the prompt is: We honor the many different forms of diversity in our community. Your perspective is valuable because it comes from your life experiences, family backgrounds, and culture. Please tell us about yourself, how you plan to share your perspective with the Colgate Community, and what you hope to learn from other members of the community.

I am what I believe in
Most people call me Zhre-Ya-Dove. It is an identity I have created for myself by emphasizing different parts of my name- Shreya Yadav. Like the bird Dove, I support peace against violence. I do not know why but I like the letter "z". The "Ya" represents my socially awkward side which a lot of times is how I respond in conversations. Zhre-Ya-Dove is clumsy, shy and reserved like most teenagers. I am resolute on what I consider is right, what is not and what I have yet to decide upon. I eat meat without hesitation for I know feeding for survival is a natural instinct. I believe physical violence is incorrect in any case except when it is defensive. However, I trail off into my chain of thought when a mosquito buzzes around me trying to contemplate whether it is correct to kill a mosquito as the mosquito is only following its natural instinct of feeding while I am only trying to defend myself.

If I am accepted at Colgate, I intend to share these beliefs and more with the Colgate community. I wish to let them know who Zhreyadove is apart from the bizarre name. Meanwhile, I hope that the Colgate community helps me answer the things that I have yet to decide upon like the killing of the mosquito. I also hope to learn different perspectives from the different personalities I might meet if I am accepted and look forward to changing a few of my own beliefs based on what I will encounter in the next four years.

Undergraduate / SCARED OF PRESENTATIONS; EXPERIENCE - left comfort zone [2]

hey everyone, this is one of my supplements. please help me make it better and give me any feedback you have. be harsh. also help me cut it down a bit. help me and i will help you. xoxo.

the prompt is :Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?

The Point of Focus
As I stand, the heat crawls up my legs, into my trunk and slowly rises up to my head like a glass fills with water. Blood gushes through my cheeks and renders them red. It is suddenly very hot, and yet my feet are shivering. I try to balance myself but I could not be bothered much about how my feet are acting right now, I have to concentrate on what is coming out of my mouth. However, all the effort that has been put into straining my arm from moving as violently as my feet is taking away the focus from my purpose. And there it was, my first mistake- I pronounce "English" as "Englis".

When I joined the IB program, I was not aware of the kind of learning that I was going to pursue. Coming from a normal Nepali school where theoretical one-sided learning is popular, presentations were not the first thing that came to my mind when the word learning was spelled.

I am one who finds comfort in sitting in class- uncalled and unnoticed. While attention can please me at times, it mostly makes me want to hide my face. Being everyone's point of focus and having the spotlight shine on me intimidates me. And so every time the word "presentation" popped up in class, a frown could be detected in my face.

For my first presentation for English class, my rules were simple- hold the paper in your hands, fix your gaze to the paper, avoid making eye contact with the audience or even looking anywhere except the paper and finally, read as fast as you can. I was not even ready to read from the slides for fear of making a mistake and a fool out of myself in front of twenty students. I read word for word from the paper and still the anxiety fiddled with my pronunciation. The only thought in my mind was "Be done with it as soon as possible".

The second experience was pretty much the same, except that I had memorized every word I would say per slide instead of holding a paper in my hand. The heat never left me and nervousness was always my companion. The third and the fourth times were also not different. However, every time I gave a presentation I did improve even if it was a little bit.

My real transformation occurred at the end of my first year in IB. I had an assessment called the Internal Oral Presentation(IOP) for my English Literature class that counted for my real grades. The slides were ready, I had practiced a few times but I was still nervous. This time was different though because I did not memorize what I would say word for word. This was not because I did not have time but because I was challenging myself. This time I was going to believe in myself. Normally I would say to myself, "Get it over with as soon as you can" and would want to go first but this time, I decided to go last. The whole day, everyone gave their presentations while I let my anxiety build. The feeling, I vividly remember was nerve wrecking. The way the pitch of the sound narrows down as you fill a bottle with water- that was how I felt as the time for my presentation neared up. When finally my turn came up, I did fine.

Although there were a few pronunciation mistakes and a few pauses, there was one thing I learned that day. I learned that the more you give in to your fears, the more fearful you become. Every time I gave a presentation I would look for ways in which I would make the least mistakes and my fear for presentations always grew because of this. That day, I faced my fear. I might have frozen, I might have not known what to say, but on that day I did not let my fear make me look for shortcuts. I learned that anxiety, if pointed at the right direction could benefit me. I still become nervous today while giving a presentation, but today I can use the nervousness to my benefit. I do not allow my anxiety to overwhelm me, instead, I control it.

What I learned that day made me look at my fears in a different way. It not only made me stronger but also made my upcoming presentations a lot better. And thus, at the end of IB, I was the student who received the highest score for the IOP and the TOK presentation.

Undergraduate / BEAUTY/ GENETICS MAJOR; Why Duke? [6]

hey everyone, this is my why duke supplement. i have to submit it today and would really appreciate it if you would give me any suggestion. help me and i will help you with yours. thanks. the prompt is

If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

"Why do I want to go to Duke?" I asked myself when I first saw this supplemental question. The answer seemed easy- Because it met all of my requirements and it is one of the most beautiful campuses in the United States. "And that is what you are going to write for a two paragraph essay?" I questioned myself again. Why not? That is the main reason and I should not have to invent superficial things just in order to write this essay. So this is my attempt on explaining why the reason I provide above means so much to me.

It is true that Duke is one of the few Universities that meets all of my requirements from having a very unique Genetics major to having a diverse student body; from having a small student to faculty ratio to having a beautiful campus setting. Although, being an international student, I have not been able to visit the campus myself, whenever I have heard anyone talking about Duke, the admiration of its beauty has always fallen inside the conversation. The architecture, the chapels, the stone buildings, the park-like setting, everything regarding the environment of Duke invites me. Fascinated by ancient objects and people, the Duke environment seems like the perfect place for me to learn about the ancient American architecture and live in one. I can picture myself going from one spot to another to find a serene place where I can sit peacefully and study while at the same time appreciate the beauty I am surrounded with. I believe that the surroundings of a person can influence his concentration and become a source of his inspiration. And if I am admitted to Duke, I know that I will be inspired in every step of the way by its amazing surrounding and am confident that I will be able to use this inspiration to my best advantage.

Undergraduate / 'My savior' - why uchicago supplement [16]

hey everyone, this is my why Uchicago supplement. I need to submit it shortly so any help will be much appreciated. is it too cheesy? too long? too fake? anything! Please help me and i will help you with yours. Thanks.

University of Chicago- My savior

Since the day I was born, I have been confined by walls. As I age, these walls seem to grow bigger and bigger. I have tried finding ways to escape, but there are none. These walls are the walls that society has created. If I try to go outside these walls, I will be laughed at and talked about. The best way is to stop trying and spend my whole life inside. But then, I am not a quitter. Neither am I someone who will stay trapped. I am a free bird who wishes to fly out of this cage and University of Chicago can be my savior.

Growing up in a society where other's thoughts were always kept before my desires has been tough. To think about what other might think of the way I choose to dress, the people I choose to be friends with, the things I want to accomplish has always made me suffocate. I have not been able to be myself. While I respect others opinions, I respect mine as well. And these opinions, I will not allow the walls of society to crush. I believe a person is the master of his own will and I can become one too if I get the opportunity to come to Uchicago. The open-minded community of Uchicago that respects individuality will allow me to become myself again. Here, I will not be judged for every step I take. Here, I will be able to express myself and my beliefs without being objected. Therefore, I believe the free environment of the Uchicago community is perfect for a bird like me.

I am also one who likes to challenge myself and thrive to be better than I was before. The rigorous academics of Uchicago will make me challenge myself. It will make me want to do better than I have done in the past. Moreover, the competitive students I will be surrounded by will provide me more encouragement to work harder and do better. The small sized classes will provide me with a better learning environment and the research opportunities will allow me to start practicing for my career at an early age.

Nevertheless, with an education at world's greatest learning destination, I believe my future will be full of opportunities. Therefore, the University of Chicago is the perfect match for me as I will not only be able to quench my thirst for knowledge through it but also will be surrounded by open-minded people and can expect to have a secured future. If I get the opportunity to be a part of Uchicago community, I am confident that the person who graduates will be better than the person who was admitted.

Undergraduate / 'The Road Taken' - favourite poem supplement [5]

This is one of my supplements regarding my favourite poem. please help me revise it. I promise to help you with yours. thanks.

The Road Taken

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
The above lines are the last verses of my favorite poem The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. Although I am not poetic myself and usually have a difficult time processing poetry, this is one of the poems that immediately had my attention when I first saw it. It was in the seventh grade that I did, and since then I have used it as a guide to help me take decisions regarding my life.

This poem allowed me to know at a young age that life was going to offer me many different paths and it would always be my choice which path I would take and where I would end up. I saw the woods as my life and the two-way as the options that life would present before me at various points. I learned that I would always have to make a choice and maybe I would be regretful of the road I decided not to take but I had to go on. This poem teaches me to not be afraid of taking risks because if I let my fear overcome me, I would always keep wondering "what if I had done it". It told me that the easiest path with beautiful surroundings would not always take me to the best of place. Sometimes, taking the path that seems difficult is what makes the difference.

And so today, instead of studying in my own country, I choose to venture outside, to the United States, in hope of a better destination and a better future. It is a risk, and I may later regret this decision but at least then I would not be wondering in the possibilities.

Undergraduate / Aftermath of my Accident/ My grades ; Common App [4]

hey everyone. this is my extra essay through which i am telling of the accident i had during my finals. please check it and help me. Any feedback is appreciated and i will help you with yours. :)

The Aftermath of an Accident
I could see the floor nearing up to me. With every millisecond that passed, I knew I was doomed. Everything seemed to have slowed in pace until I reached the ground and banged my head. For a second I was amazed that I was still conscious, so I stood up and told everyone I was fine. I took my hand off of my head, and that is when I realized I had not been so lucky. Blood trickled down my hands and my head and at this sight, I started losing consciousness.

During my IB final exams, I was met with an accident. I fell of a certain height and landed on my head. However the injury was not very bad and a few stitches with some dose of medicine were all that were required. My nightmare began when the tetanus injection I received started causing reactions. I started having fever and food poisoning. My arm where I received the injection swelled to a point that it almost looked disfigured. Continuous vomiting did not allow me to study for the exams I had. I lost my appetite. And since there was a strike, which is occurs frequently in my country, we were living in school and I had to deal with all of this by myself.

All the preparations I had made for my finals came of no use as at the last moment, I could not concentrate on revising. The anti-biotic would force me to sleep without my desire. Even if I managed to stay up all night and study for the exams the next day, my vomiting, which did not stop even when I was in the examination hall would deviate my concentration. The pain in my head and my arms were not too merciful either.

For this reason, I believe my grades do not represent my full potential. I worked hard for my finals but due to the accident I could not do as well as I knew I could. I retook my Biology exam later this year but could not retake others because the price was too high. Therefore, I would appreciate it if you did not entirely focus on my final grades or agree to look at my predicted grades because these grades do not demonstrate what I am capable of.

Undergraduate / The Battle of Want and Should; Arch-nemesis/ Relationship [4]

hey everyone. This is a supplement describing the relationship between me and my arch-nemesis. please read it and tell me what you think. any kind of feedback will be appreciated and i will help you with you essay too. Thanks. :)

The Battle of Want and Should
A person's battle is always with the own self. Comparing two different people is never fair because the factors that affect their life and their experiences are never the same. Likewise, my battle has always been with myself.

The two counterparts of my personality have always found a reason to loathe each other and it is rarely that they make peace. One side wants what is best for me (want side). It does not have definite rules and is willing to make exceptions if I benefit through them. The other side wants to do the right thing (right side). It is unwilling to make exceptions and is stringent. It has a certain set of ethical values which are created on the basis of what I presume to be right through my experiences and wisdom. It is resolute on what is right, what is not and what I have not yet decided upon. For instance, I know that physical violence is wrong under any circumstances unless it is defensive and I know that being a non-vegetarian is fine as feeding for survival is a natural instinct. As a result, I find myself debating which side to agree with at many occasions for one allows me to do what I want to do while the other tells me what I should do. Nonetheless, it is always the second that wins.

It is the right side that makes me own up to my mistakes and take responsibility for them. While my want side tries to persuade me by making me think of the consequences, the right side assures me that truth will always set me free. It is because of this that I would confess to the teacher if I forgot to bring a book or do my homework instead of sitting quietly in class as advised by my want side. It is the right side that makes me protest against a teacher for using physical violence despite the want side informing me that my relationship with him could affect my grades. It is the right side that would not allow me to cheat or plagiarize during exams or papers while my want side stated that it would be easier that way. It is my right side that does not allow me to share a friend's secret with another friend despite the want side declaring which friend's friendship would be more favorable to me.

I admit that listening to the right side has not always placed me in a comfortable situation. I was punished for not doing my homework, I was humiliated for trying to challenge a teacher, I did not have the best grades in class and I was called secretive by my friends. But one thing that the right side has never caused me to do is be regretful for my decisions. Choosing the want side may have saved me from circumstances that I did not want to be in but I know that the feeling of guilt would come with it. The right side makes me believe in my own abilities, believe in the truth and see the best in people. It makes me feel proud of myself for doing the right thing which the want side does not very often. Although the right side may not be an advantage for me at times, I am glad that I have always chosen it and if anytime in the future I am required to choose between the two, I would not even have to think before choosing the right side.

Undergraduate / Love for writing/ Gap year/ Journalism [9]

i promise i will look at your essay.
hey everyone, this is my essay for the reason why i took a gap year and what i did. please take a look at it and help me as much as you can. do you like it? also help me cut down on the words as im exceeding. thanks. I love you all.

When words fall short out of your mouth, your hands start speaking. In my case, they do. A socially awkward person; someone who does not always know how to open or carry a conversation, I have always had difficulty in expressing my feelings. I would sit beside a person in a bus and spend the entire time plotting how to approach them. "I should say hi" I would think, "or ask them where they're going". I would finally have the appropriate words, just to look beside me and realize they had already left. For such a person, writing has always been a medium where I did not have to shy away or think for hours how I should start. As I hold the pen (or the keyboard these days), my hands automatically start moving. Therefore, when the opportunity of becoming a writer in a magazine arrived, I could not refuse.

Journalism has been one of my various passions since childhood. When I was small, I remember acting like an anchor and reading a story book in the best possible tone I could. Although, I am not an anchor today, writing for a magazine has been just as delightful. All the things and all my opinions that I had not been able to share orally, I could now share through my writing. I could now directly address the audience and there were no rules like those in academic writing. I felt free.

As I look back at the gap year I took, I believe it was worth it. I had a chance to explore my passion for writing. Having a paid job, I learned the value of money as I realized how painful it was to spend my own earning. With the interviews I conducted I was even able to overcome a lot of my awkwardness. Not only did my writing improve, but I believe I improved as a person. I have become more mature, more responsible and I can feel this change within me.

Nevertheless, I learned the freestyle dancing form, served my community, went on a tour to the most beautiful place, Pokhara, I still believe that this job as a writer has helped me grow the most and has made my stay worthwhile.