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Posts by Pyon9x
Name: NgĂ´ Ngoc Thanh
Joined: May 11, 2014
Last Post: Sep 17, 2014
Threads: 11
Posts: 24  
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From: vietnam
School: dafsdfsdgsdg

Displayed posts: 35
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Pyon9x   
Sep 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Happiness is one of the most vital factors for a worth-living life [4]

Happiness is considered very important in life.
Why is it difficult to define?
What factors are important in achieving happiness?


It is true that happiness is one of the most vital factors for a worth-living life. Although many people including some of the most well-known inviduals have tried to find the definition of happiness, the term still does not have the exact meaning. The essay will explore the reasons why meaning of happiness is hard to clarify as well as factors needed to lead a happy life.

The term "happiness" is hard to clarify because it means something different to each individual. Each person has his or her own experience that no one else can fully understand, and each of us also gains happiness from different sources of pleasure. For example, some people link wealth and economic success with happiness, others feel happy simply when they acknowledge that their beloved ones live happily. At the same time, a range of feelings from excitement to peacefulness are also associated with happiness. Therefore, the same person may feel happy in a variety of different ways.

To me, the most important factor for one to gain happiness is the sense of satisfaction. Because the feeling of happiness arises when people acknowlegde that they have achieved something valuable such as good health to enjoy life, success in career or simply travelling to a wonderful place. Therefore, if a person is not satisfied with what he or she has got, the sense of achievement, which leads to happiness, can never occur. Some people may claim that satisfaction with what one has got can kill the motivation of pursuing new goals, which will certainly hinders one from self-development; however, I would argue that satisfaction does not contradict with the motivation to try for more, once a person has got the feeling of achievement, the delight of achieving something will surely a useful force to keep one trying for new goals.

To conclude, happiness is an ambigous term because its meaning varies for different people , and satisfaction is a key to lead a delightful life.
Pyon9x   
Aug 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - the best factor to measure the status of a country is its standard of education. [5]

hello, thank a lots for your corrections , it's been very helpful. but can i ask you more about this piece of advice so that i can understand better?

I have with this argument is that you never fully explained why you believe that education is the best measure of a country's economic success. ... You actually had a very weak discussion about education and how it applies to your point of view.You need to strengthen that and discuss it in greater detail than the other aspects you presented

since the topic ask "What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success?" so i thought i shouldn't focus on how education affects economic success only? may be i've got something wrong here...-.-

besides, i understand from your advice that i should divide the essay into 2 para each focus on how education affects one particular factor right?

thank a lots!!

@eddies: thank a lots for your corrections
Pyon9x   
Aug 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - the best factor to measure the status of a country is its standard of education. [5]

Economic progress is often used to measure a country's success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

It is true , especially in terms of a globalized economy, that the welfare of a country depends much on its economy. However, I believe there are other factors to assess a country's success, and education is the most decisive of them all.

Apart from economy, how successful a country is can be measured in terms of its education, social services and social stability. Firstly, education has strong impact on the country's prospect since it bares the responsibilities for the quality of the future workforce. Secondly, social services such as free health care and schooling indicate how well the government takes care of its residents as well as manages the tax system , which is to fund for those chargeless services. Last but not least, social stability, which assures low criminal rate, is a key asset for the investors to decide whether to invest in the country, and therefore contributes largely to that country's global status.

To me, the most trustworthy indicator among those mentioned above is education as it affects strongly on the other two assets. An advanced education will assure a well-growing economy in the sense that well-educated workers are vital for companies and industries to flourish, thus the nation can trade with other countries and increases wealth. Furthermore, for a society to be stable, it is important that each individual is self-esteem and willing to take responsibility, which only occurs once people are well morally educated. Take Japan for example, this country was not an economically strong country at the first time, and its natural resource is very poor, besides , it is one of the countries that suffer most from natural disasters every year, but with the samurai strong-willed tradition that flows in each of its person, Japan is now one of the most developed countries on over the world.

In conclusion, I would argue economy is not the only factor to measure a nation's success ,and that the best factor to measure the status of a country is its standard of education.
Pyon9x   
Aug 30, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts 2- Rise in crimes committed by young people in cities [3]

These days, there is a significant rise in criminals among young people. This is a pressing issue across the world and needs immediate attention.

=> i think you could replace the word "rise" with increase or growth so that you'll avoid copying from the topic which could affect your vocab band

here you're lack of the thesis statement which help the reader to know what you're going to discuss in your essay

for example : in this essay, i would examine the causes as well as measures to address this problem
Pyon9x   
Aug 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : rural to major city : challenges and strategies? [7]

I hope you can use some of my suggestions. Good luck with revising the paper. I look forward to reading the 2nd version :-)

I've read your feedback for many times vangiespen, i bet you didnt know how helpful it is to me :) i'll try to write another piece right away, thank a lot

@parsonsss: thank u for commenting :)
Pyon9x   
Aug 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : rural to major city : challenges and strategies? [7]

People today move to new cities or new countries more than ever before. What challenges do they experience? what strategies are there to meet these challenges?

Have you ever been distant away from your hometown? Moving to new places and involving in new environment may bring about either enjoyable or dreadful experiences. This essay will emphasise on the obstacles people may get on the move, and ways to mitigate these issues.

Firstly, people could face the problem of language barrier when moving to new places [can you show me way to improve this topic sentence? thank you]. Residents in different countries or regions communicate by different languages with a wide range of accents, which are sometimes difficult to make out even to the native people. When new commers get trouble in communicating and understanding the others, it is definitely a lot more arduous for them to build relationships, find a job as well as adapt to the new environment.

To address this linguistic issue, a course of the future destination's [??=.=] language or a pocket dictionary might be helpful. If people on the move do not have time to learn anything beforehand, they should try to communicate as much as possible with the native speakers and simultaneously learn from them. This way has been proven to be the quickest way to master a new language. My sister, for example, when returned from a trip to England in one month, her English prononciation was hugely improved thanks to the constant interaction with the native people.

Secondly, culture shock can be another obstacle which people may face when they come to a new community. Each region or nation has its own etiquette that need to be followed. For example, while communicating with a Japanese, it is required that the participants wait for the others to finish their sentence before raising any idea. In American style ; however, it is alright if questions are asked between the sentence, and counter arguments are highly encouraged. If people do not follow the local customs in any way, it might lead to misunderstanding, annoyance or even relationship damaging.

To solve this problem, before arriving to a new place, people should learn about the local culture. Besides, they could also pay attention to the way the local residents interacting and learn through immitation.

To conclude, culture shock and language differences are one of the significant difficulty that a new commer may confront when arriving to a new country or region; however, there are always ways to tackle these hardship.
Pyon9x   
Aug 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / Doing activities in a short time or live life in slow pace? [4]

Time is gold

=> a good hook to me :)

It seems to me that every moment of our lives is valuable and we should not waste it.
the topic here ;however, is not clear , so i do not know what exactly you are asked to do. is this topic ending with "discuss both views" or just "give your opinion"? please type the whole topic next time so i would not what does it ask you to do :)

it seems that you did it as a opinion essay, however your point is not so clear to me =.= i understand from the thesis statement that you argee with the 1st argument, but then it seems to go the other way...

so.... mor clarifying thesis statement next time i suppose :D
Pyon9x   
Aug 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : intelligent machines replacing human beings : advantages and disadvantages [4]

It just needs polishing and more discussion points. I believe this is your first draft and you will have to write at least 2 more before you come to your final version. Keep up the good work :-)

thank vangiespen , i'll will try to do as you adviced :D actually i've found this essay kind of too simple but didnot know how to make it more interesting T-T your suggestions are exactly what i need right now
Pyon9x   
Aug 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : intelligent machines replacing human beings : advantages and disadvantages [4]

Intelligent machines such as robots are widely applier to take the place of human beings. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

Some of lastest technological innovations are believed to gradually replace human workforce in a wide range of industries. The drawbacks and benefits of this trend will be carefully examined in this essay.

On the one hand, smart devices and machines definitely make the manufacturing progress become much more productive. Since the machines are all programmed to perform the tasks immediately and with high accuracy, the quality as well as the productivity of the product making process could be significantly improved by the use of these machines. Additionally, intelligent robots will help to reduce the labor force needed, which contributes to the cutting down on the amount of money paid for the employees and therefore increasing the company's profit.

On the other hand, this kind of human beings substitution may increase the unemployment rate. As the machines can perform efficiently, the need for manpower will be dramatically reduced. There might be only vacancies for highly trained technicians who can operate the up-to-date machines and those people who are not access to such high level of education will face the risk of not being employed in a long time.

To conclude, although intelligent automatic machines have some drawbacks, I believe the benefits are more significant. Furthermore, there are many jobs such as crafting, porcelain making or designing which can only be done manually, so it is hard to say robots can entirely substitute human workforce in any way.
Pyon9x   
Aug 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'various jobs can't be limited to a gender'; more women are taking over traditional male work [3]

excuse me but i get confused here...
as i saw from the topic, they ask you to answer
Why do you think this change happened and what is your opinion?

and it seems like you put emphasis on the equality of both genders in terms of work....

In the present-day society, an increasing number of jobs which were more appropriate for men are taking control by women. This has drawn a controversial issue that whether men and women's work should be divided clearly. Some people believe that women should not perform men's job while some state otherwise. [i]In my opinion, male and female should be treated equally when it comes to work.

i wonder if anything's wrong here :)
Pyon9x   
Aug 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / Work and travel for a year? - do not forget to read enough books and improve your knowledge [9]

Even though theytaking a gap year may have several reasons for doing so and may gain huge advantages , still, taking a break from studies from studies also carries some drawbacks.

the topic asks you to Discuss the advantages and disadvantages, it is a kind of balanced argument, so i think you should not state your own opinion here or else you could lose the task achivement score

if i were you, i would simple end my intro with "the benefits and drawbacks of gap year will be carefully examined in this essay."

besides, i think you should divide the body into 2 para, one of which discuss the drawbacks and another is for the benefits
i thinnk you should look for the overall outline for the task before beginning to practice writing
Pyon9x   
Aug 26, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : The examination for alternative energy sources : beneficial or harmful? [6]

section

Thank Dumi for correcting, your advices are always helpful to me :)
can you please tell me what does "section" here mean? does it replace for "people" or what?
if you have time to spare, would you please look over my body? i'm sure there are a lots of mistakes i can recognize T^T

thank you a lots again Dumi

@ironhand : thank a lots for correcting me ^^ it's been helpful
Pyon9x   
Aug 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : The examination for alternative energy sources : beneficial or harmful? [6]

One day the world's oil and gas reserves will run out. The search for alternative energy sources like wind power, solar power, burning waste, and water power are causing as much environmental damage as the oil and nuclear power sources they are intended to replace.

+ How far do you agree with this latter statement?
+ What possible benefits do the alternative energy sources bring? OR What damage do they cause?


As the natural resources which we depend on for generating energy are coming to an end, it is an urgent need that alternative energy sources must be found. However, the search for those kinds of resources has been claimed to be as harmful to the environment as the contemporary ones. I would disagree with this statement for many reasons.

Firstly, the production and usage of oil and nuclear power have caused many unmeasurable consequences to the earth's health. The procedure of turning unrefined oil into some usable products itseft is harmful to the enviroment as too many exhaust fumes are emitted. Likewise, when there is a nuclear factory explosion , a whole city can be turned into a ghost town as in case of Chernobyl. Therefore, to continue using these kinds of limited energy resources is risky and impractical in the long term. Turning to alternative energy sources, it is obvious that solar, wind or water energy are all enviromentally friendly since they are renewable, not to mention it is absolutely not complicated and dangerous when transmitting these types of natural resources into usable energy.

The benefits of those renewable resources are plenty. First of all, they are not harmful to the environment. Since human beings always has to suffer from what they have done to the earth, for example desforestation leads to flood and soil erosion, it is vital that the type of resources which we harness are well available and unharmful to the surroundings. Secondly, they are unlimited ,which are very important because oil and gas are about to run out. Therefore. if we do not quickly make use of the available environmentally friendly energy, we will meet a serious energy shortage in near future.

To sum up, although the progress of seeking for new alternative energy sources has some negative impacts, I believe the benefits it brings about far overcome its drawbacks in many ways.
Pyon9x   
Aug 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Reading books has more benefits in development of imagination and language skills [4]

Practice makes perfect. It is also true to imagination acquired from reading books. Literally, people must use their creative side of the brain to visualize what the books want to tell us. As a result, the more people figure out the messages conveyed in the books, the more their brain works, the more their imagination expand. This fact is an exciting aspect of reading books that watching TV could not give us. Additionally, looking at the television screen just satisfies our entertaining need in visual perception without less fancy. To demonstrate this point of view, let's take a look in my experience of enjoying Harry Potter books and films. It can be assured that reading those books makes me create a magnificent view of Hogward sorcery school, which is presented normally in films.

to me the topic sentence should be clearer, for ex : firstly, reading book will help expand the imagination. just make it the way you build the topic sentence for the 2nd para :

Equally importantly, reading is a better way to widen the depth of language skills
morever, i think it is not so good to you personal example in ielts writing
you can make it more objective by replace "my experience" with "some people have claimed..."
Pyon9x   
Aug 25, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: Modern technology has impacted the traditional cultures in both negative and positive ways. [5]

to me, your essay is overally good, your opinion is well developed with many interesting examples, just a few points i want to make

While there is belief that technological advances means a lost in traditional cultures,
i would rewrite it this way :
while it is believed that ....

The invention of mobile phone and internet has changed our traditional ways of communicating as well as working . [add a period here] It has also been much less labourous than it was in the past with the assistance of electrical machineries.

these newfangled practices have replace
Pyon9x   
Aug 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: public transportation and more flyovers as a solution for traffic congestion [2]

Topic : traffic is becoming a huge problem for many major cities. Suggest some measures could be taken to reduce traffic congestion in big cities.

It is true that traffic congestion is now an increasingly serious problem that many major cities have to face with, it has negative impact not only on individuals but the society as a whole. In this essay, measures to address this issue will be carefully examined.

Firstly, people should be encouraged to travel by public transportations to reduce the number of vehicles on the road. Since one of the main cause of traffic jam is that there are too many private vehicles travelling at the same time, especially in rush hours, the heavy traffic can be tackled when people prefer buses or subways rather than their own cars. For allowing that to happen, governments should provide affordable and comfortable public transportations, particularly 24/24 buses, to meet the needs of the population. For instance, in Manchester, Stagecoach buses have been proved to be effective when it help to reduce significant amount of traffic on the roads in peak hours.

Another solutions to mitigate the issue is to build more flyovers. It is particularly efficient in overcrowded cities such as Tokyo or Delhi where it is impossible to find more land for building roads. Flyovers will help to avoid too many vehicles travelling at the same time on one road, and therefore contribute to the reduction of traffic jam. My hometown Ho Chi Minh city ,for example, is the most densely polulated city in my country, traffic congestion has been decreased dramatically since more flyovers were built, and now we hardly get stuck in such congestion anymore.

To conclude, although it will take long time for traffic problem to disappear, it can be tackled step by step by public transportations as well as more flyovers being constructed.
Pyon9x   
Aug 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - dramatic increase in the number of Japanese people travelling abroad - Bar chart, Line Graph [5]

to me your essay is overally good, significant firgures are well pointed out, just a few points i want to talk about

As can be seen from the data that there was a dramatic increase in the number
Throughout the period, more and more Japanese tourists cam to Australia which contributed to the increase of the number mentioned above. => in the overall part, i think you should include peak or low

1. How I can replace the phrase "Japaneses tourist travelling abroad"? => the number of Japaneses who travel oversea
Pyon9x   
Aug 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Regulation regarding advertisements' unnecessary impact on people's lives [5]

to me your essay's structure is good, main points are developed very well as well as there're many good examples. it is quite pleasure to read ^^ and i myself have learnt from you many thing.

however i think the intro will be better if made a little simplier, because it' s not advisable spending too many time on this part, and i would rewrite the below sentence this way

Most of the advertisements will be short on time, but descriptive enough to afford the complete details of the product it is trading
Pyon9x   
Aug 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: higher education or workplace? Professional knowledge is the most decisive factor. [6]

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.


Pursuing a higer education degree or going straight to workplace after graduating from highschool seems to be a hard decision. Althought both choices have their pros and cons, I believe it is important to finish your university or college before getting a profession.

On the one hand, the progression from a educated background to a professional success is often linear. Since the professional knowledge and skill ,which are always required by job market, are usually taught at universities and colleges, university students could find themselves better prepared for the workplace. If they do not attend university or college, it will take them much longer to get used to the jobs, and it is also difficult for the personal department to judge the candidates' ablitity if there is not any qualifications to base on.

On the other hand, it is argued that only workplace can help students to gain essential experiences for the jobs. There are so many unforeseeable problems that employees have to face in any profession, so it is imperative that the candidate for the jobs ought to be experienced in dealing with these issues. The only way to be more experienced in certain job is working in the field for a long time. That is why the employers always priotise candidates with years of working in relavant positions.

To conclude, althought reality experience that workplace offer are very important for ones to get successful in workplace, it seems to me that professional knowledge is the most decisive factor.

p/s: if the topic is just "Discuss both views" and does not requires "give your opinion", it is ncessary to state your own opinion in the intro? thank you so much for your reading :D
Pyon9x   
Aug 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Music has come to human kind as a valuable gift that is necessary for a better life [3]

i think your essay is good, it is easy to read and well structured. just a few points that i want to discuss with you about

Traditional music tightly attaches to a nation, to its culture, its people and its history.
this sentence is alright
if i were you, i would rewrite it this way
Traditional music, by contrast, expresses the culture, customs and history of a country

btw, i think this idea should be more clarified in the body
cultural melody is a national identity that distinguishes one country to the others in such flat world nowadays.
Pyon9x   
Aug 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The pie charts indicate different percentages of expenditure on seven items [6]

i think you sould paraphrase the intro

The pie charts indicate different percentages of expenditure on seven items in US from 1966 to 1996.

it is not good to copy exactly the topic

btw, i think you can replace the word "expense" which is repeated many times by "the amount of money spent on", the spending, expenditure, etc
Pyon9x   
Jun 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing 2 : Solutions to low-cost airlines' enviromental damage [3]

Topic : today's low-cost airlines are able to offer fast and cheap travel. However, some people believe this is at a cost to the planet.

Suggest ways that governments and individuals could tackle the enviromental impact of low-cost flights.


In recent times, travelling by plane has become more affordable thanks to the dramatical decrease in airlines prices. This ; however, leads to the issue of enviromental pollution as planes burn fossil fuels at a higher rate than any other form of transport. It seems to me that both governments and individuals have roles to play in this situation. This essay will outline some solutions to this problem and evaluate their potential effectiveness.

To reduce the detrimental impacts of this issue, laws should be made and enforced by the governments to restrict licences for further low-cost flights. If this was done, it might decrease the number of low-priced airlines which may contribute to less usage of fossil fuels. However, some governments might be wary of implementing this measure as it seems highly unpopular with the majority of the population.

Beside the vital role of the governments, it is ultimately consumers whose awareness should be raised in order to sort out this problem. It may be effective to educate people about how inexpensive airlines would cost the enviroment. Furthermore, drawbacks of low-priced air travelling such at frequent delays should also be clarified to discourage travellers from unnecessary flights despite cheap air fares.

To summarize, cheap airlines offer air travel at low prices which do not reflect the enviromental damage caused. Although legislative measures could be taken by the politicians to reduce this trade, it is my belief that education on the enviromental damage caused shoud be the main priority to dissuade people from choosing this mean of transport.

p.s : i'd be so grateful if you could give me some symnonyms of the bold words cause i think i repeated them many times :D and let me know if there are some errors in this essay. thank a lots
Pyon9x   
Jun 13, 2014
Writing Feedback / Advantages of Having a Part-Time Job While Studying at the University [4]

You have plenty of good ideas thought there are few things i need to take u upon :)

In today's world, most of the students like taking a part-time job during college. Is it good to have a part-time job while attending the university? Of course, having a part-time job can offer them many benefits.

If i were you, i would make this a little bit more academic

For e.g The statistics show that around 50% of all full time UK students will work part-time. Getting a part-time job can not only help you financially but also help you get the skills needed to set you on a path towards your ideal career.

Btw, i think main supporting ideas should also be stated in the introduction.

once they have finished their degrees
their variety tasks.=> various

they can become an independent people who can live up their own lives( and do not have to rely on their parents anymore) => to me these two phases are quite resemble in terms of meaning

having a part-time job is a great way to make new friends (Those new friends are your coworkers=> for me this is rather unnecessary since it is quite clear that friends here you mean are the coworkers ) who can be the greatest asset you have in for you to understandinghow the locals live. others' lives.

Plus, you should avoid using "you" in your essay , "one" would be better
Pyon9x   
May 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : Vegetarianism - why some people are choosing to become vegetarian? [8]

an increasing number of people are turning to vegetarianism. some belive that people are following a vegetarian diet for reasons other than animal rights issues

do you agree with this?
give reasons why some people are choosing to become vegetarian


Since the dawn of time, human has considered meat as a fundamental protein sources. Meat has served as the main dish in almost every family's meals all around the world. Recent years, however, has seen a rapid increase in the number of vegetarians. Some people claim that this is brought about by the care for animal rights issue, others think it is much beyond that. It is clear to me that people avoid eating meat mostly for the sake of their health and relegious aspect.

Firstly, health improvement is the main reason for vegetarian diet to become so popular. Many researchers have convinced that many kinds of vegetable contain antioxydant which can prevent cancer. This fortifies the fact that a vegetable diet can do good for our health. Although some argue that a meal without meat can lead to a lack of protein intake, it is proved that many kinds of bean such as soy bean or pea are also comparable protein sources.

Secondy, relegious beliefs also contributes to a vegetarian diet. Some religion, such as Buddha, believes that animals were human being in their previous life, so eating their meat mean you eat the flesh of your parent sentient beings. It is often said that this view is rather unscientific [i'm not sure what is the best adj to use T^T]; however, i am convinced that it is vital to follow one's own religious practices which can bring the enlightenment in mind.

To sum up, it is evident for me that people choose to become vegetarians for health and religious concern rather than the benefits of animals. However, a meal which is nutritionally balanced is always most recommended.

P/s: could you give me some phrase that can replace vegetarian diet cause i think i used this phrase so many times T^T thank a lots
Pyon9x   
May 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / ielts: the reason why sports competions has replaced war [6]

your writing is fairly good to me :D just a few things to share with you

firstly, i think you should pay more attention to the capitalized letter at the beginning a sentence :)
2ndly,

With time passed, the international situation changed considerably.
now, sports competition has brought about a peaceful conditions for competing different people to win valuable and colorful medals.

i think there should be a sentence explain why the changing situation leads to sports competition has brought about a peaceful conditions for competing for e.g the international situation changed considerably with peaceful solutions becoming the priority in unravelling international conflicts. Something like that, just to make the 2 sentences more connective
Pyon9x   
May 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Introductions; living in modern world/ world poverty/ traffic problem [6]

Your approach for the first two essays looks alright. However, in the third one, you do not introduce the background of the issue adequately. Before expressing your own opinion on the issue, introduce the issue to the reader.

Thank you a lots for your comment
could you explain more cleanly about how i could make it more adequate?

thank you a lots... again:D
Pyon9x   
May 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Introductions; living in modern world/ world poverty/ traffic problem [6]

Since i'm now practicing writing introductions for IELTS task 2 which is the part i'm worst at, i hope it is ok to post just introductions not the whole essay on this forum :) and i hope you can spare time correcting my errors :D thank you a lots

Topic 1 : Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in modern world.

The twentieth century has seen a lot of changes taken place in every aspects of life. Some people find the challenges that these changes offer exciting; others prefer the simpler, less automated life in the past. Living in modern world has certain benefits such as higher standard of living; however, it also has some drawbacks such as environmental damage, the depersonalisation of human relationships, and the weakening of spiritual values.

Topic 2 : every country has poor people and every country has ways of dealing with the poor. what are some reasons of world poverty? what can be done to help the poor?

Every country, even the richest, has groups of people who live under the poverty line. Their living conditions are so miserable that they do not have a place to dwell, food to eat or even such services as health care or edutcation. This essay will discuss the main causes of poverty and suggest some possible solutions.

Topic 3: If the countries are serious about solving traffic problem, they should tax private car drivers very heavily and use the money for the cheap or free rail travel.

to what extend do you agree with the above?

Massive traffic congestion is now one of the most strenuous problems that many coutries have to face. This causes both travelling difficulty and enviromental damage. In order to get rid of this problem, it is advisable that alternative transport system such as cheap or free railway should be established. It seems to me that the best way to finance this establishment is to tax car drivers.
Pyon9x   
May 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Reading books or Watching TV? 'Equal credits should be given' [7]

Your essay is so interesting to read since your pov is clean and very persuasive . because the faults are all nearly mentioned above so i only have a tiny detail to share with you

The positive effect is also observed on people who watch TV a lot. However instead of writing, TV programs are probably more beneficial to people's listening and speaking skills

If i were you, i would change the red line into Compare to reading
Pyon9x   
May 17, 2014
Writing Feedback / Advantages and disavantages of gap year [7]

Thank you a lots :D

Yeah i still have a lots to do with the introduction T-T always stuck with it, so glad i've received replies from you :D

I'm not quite clear about the hook and background, could you explain some more on this, take this topic for an example, can you give me a good introduction for this topic? :D thank you a lots
Pyon9x   
May 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The best period to start learning languages? [2]

you're far better writer comparing to me :D your passage's structure is well-organized and the words used are flexible, rare repetition in using words

these are just some minor mistakes

According to some experts, primary schools are the best places to start teaching children to foreign languages
Personally, (I think) it might be considered as a shortsighted view
Pyon9x   
May 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / Advantages and disavantages of gap year [7]

In modern society, especially in western countries, gap year has become a common term among the youth. Adolescents usually take a gap year after they have graduated from high school and have to make one of the most important decisions in their lives : whether to sit for the university entrance exam or go straight to the workplace as well as which major or jobs they should pursue. Some think gap year is a helpful tool for one to make that kind of decision, some hold the opposite view. In this passage, I would like to take both views into account to see whether gap year has more pros or cons.

Taking the advantages as first, it is obvious that gap year opens up avenue for you to gain real-life experience. For example, last year, I was intended to apply to the University of Pedagogy, but I still wondered whether I was really cut out for the teaching career so I spent a gap year tutoring English for young children, doing some voluntary works,etc to see if I had enough sense of patience and empathy for doing the job. That gap year gave me real sense of what are the difficulties in teaching career as well as the skills I need to focus on when studying in the university. As my example shows, gap year really helps in terms of gaining experience needed for your future job.

On the other hand, if you do not plan well enough for your gap year, it will turn out to be a real waste of time. An instance illustrating this in action is the gap year of my cousin in which he just simply signed up for every activities, clubs and partime jobs that he found out on the internet without considering which really did good for him. The result was he ending up his gap year being completely stressed out and still clueless about what field he wanted to pursue. It is evident from this that gap year sometimes is a waste of time.

To sum up, it seems to me that a gap year has more pros than cons, it gives you a lot of what needed for the future jobs but in some special cases, it just acts as a delay in your life. Therefore, it is recommended that you take the gap year if you are still clueless about what to pursue but your gap year has to be well-planned.