Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 Simulation: World Population by Region, 1900 and 2000 [6]

The pie charts below give information about world population in 1900 and 2000.

The chart shows the percentage of the world population in each region in 1990 and 2000. The most significant facts to emerge are both changes in population proportion and the area in several regions over the two periods.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, 1900 saw a total of people who inhabited the world at 1.6 billion. The biggest population in the world in this year was Asia at approximately a third of total proportion. Following this, Europe, which included Russia, became the second largest region inhabited by human with a quarter of total population. Lastly, the other regions (North America, Africa, Latin America and others) came out as the least inhabited ones with about half a fifth of Europe's population.

Next, Asia Pacific region, which had additional area of former Soviet Asia, still had the biggest proportion among others with more than half of total world population during the period 2000. In contrast, the other regions only had 3-14% of total world inhabitants within the timeframe. Also in this period, there were two changes in the region categorization; they were Middle East and North Africa as an additional region in the world, and Caribbean became a part of Latin America.

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Writing Feedback / TV Programmes Watched in Australia - women prefer to watch reality shows more than game shows [NEW]

The chart below show the number and genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia

The bar chart gives information about the percentage of people who watch reality and game shows in television. These people are categorized based on their genders and age. The most significant fact to emerge are females prefer to watch reality shows than game shows, and vice versa for males. On the other hand, people in the group age of 45 and above has the biggest proportion in both shows.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, there is approximately two folds of females who are keen on watching reality shows from those of males. In contrary, males who choose to game shows over reality shows are slightly having a larger proportion than females, with only below one twenty of gap.

While in the categorization of age, both reality and games shows mostly preferred by people whose aged 45 and beyond at approximately 70% of proportion in all shows. Reality shows witnessed people aged 35-44 as their second largest proportion at around two third. As for game shows, its following largest audience is the age group of 16-24 at just over half the proportion.

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Writing Feedback / Is it appropriate to use of animals for human benefits? [2]

Some people think that it is appropriate to use animals for human benefit, while for others it can not be justified.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion

To some extent, some people think that it is appropriate to utilize animals for human's well-being. Crossing to the other side, the rest of the people think that it is unfair to use animals for the sake of human. From my perspective, using the animals for human's purpose is acceptable as long as we treat them fairly.

For those people who are against the use of animals, their sole reason is equality. They strongly argue that animals' lives have the same worth of those of humans', and that we are all created by God. Hence, it cannot be justified to treat them as if they have to obey humans. They believe that animals should have their own freedom as much as humans do, and thus, not to become humans' slave.

As for others, they mostly point out the mutual benefits which emerge from their relationships. The role of animals can make humans' daily routine much easier, such as horses for transportation, dogs for hunting, or buffalos for farming. Likewise, animals get a place to live with minimum risk of being hunted by other animals, they get food regularly and taken care by humans.

However, I extremely believe that mutual benefit may arise from the relationships of animals and humans under some circumstances. Indeed, humans must treat them fairly and take care of them. For example, if the animal is sick, human should not force it to keep on working. In addition to this, humans must feed them well and give them a proper place to live. Therefore, the harmony between animals and humans can become true.

All in all, I truly believe that is it appropriate if humans use animals for their purpose as long as they are treated in a good way. It is imperative to keep in mind that even though we are using animals, we both have the same worth of lives.

(Dear Writers, this is my first attempt to complete IELTS Writing Task 2 during practice. Kindly need your feedback to improve my writing in the future. Thank you!)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Simulation: Parents Spend Little Time with Children Nowadays [2]

Parents spend less of their time with their children in this modern era, compared to the past time. Some people thinks that it makes the children suffer. Do you agree or disagree?

In this day and age, children get smaller portion of their parents' time to be spent together, compared with their grandparents whose time had been used in a bigger portion to be with their children. It leads people to assume that children have less happy childhood than their parents did. On the contrary, I strongly believe that eventually it will benefit the children for the following reasons.

Firstly, children in the present days are accustomed to have a limited time to be together with their parents since the day they were born. A recent study showed that more than three-quarters of total mothers in 10 big cities in Indonesia are working as an employee. All women employees in Indonesia only have three months of maternity leave. After spending their leave permit to be with their children 24/7, the mothers get back to work, leaving their children with babysitters or in a daycare facility. Hence, children had started to learn and do many things without their parents from their early ages. As a result, they grow to be an independent person.

Another thing to consider is although parents are not physically spending time with their children, the technology in this modern era can support them to communicate each other with no time or space boundaries. Having enabled to constantly get in touch and monitor their children's activities (such as chat messengers, voice message, video calls, or even trace their children's position), children grow more consciousness to take responsibility of their actions.

In conclusion, although parents spend only a little time with their children, it virtually does not make the children suffer. In fact, they can grow up to be independent and responsible persons as they get used to do things on their own, while still communicate with their parents who constantly watch over them. However, from my of thinking, despite the support system in parenting get more advanced at the present time than it was in the past, all parents must have their own way in raising their children.

Writing Feedback / The levels of movie rentals and sales in VHS, DVD and Blu-ray formats [3]

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 and 2011.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart gives information about the levels of movie rentals and sales (in VHS, DVD and Blu-ray formats) in one specific store during the period 2002-2011. The most significant facts to emerge are movie rentals and VHS sales slowly fell, while the number of movies which sold in DVD and Blu-ray formats were bouncing and continuously rose respectively over the timeframe.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, the rentals of films stood at above 180,000 in 2002, after that, there was a gradual decrease in the number of film rentals until it reached a low of around 55,000 in 2011. Likewise, movies sales in VHS format slightly declined from 2002 to 2006 when it finally plunged to the big zero in 2006. The level of sales in this particular format remained constant until it the end of period.

On the other hand, movies which sold in DVD and Blu-ray formats had different trend in same whole period. 2002 to 2004 witnessed a sudden jump, followed by a small grow from 2005 until it peaked at above 210,000 in 2007. Subsequently, there was a slight fall until 2011. Lastly, Blu-ray format just began to be sold in 2007, and then it gradually grew until 2011.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Scoring: People Living in Debts to Buy Unimportant Things [3]

What are the reasons?

Nowadays, it is easier for people to lend a specific amount of money to purchase products that are not really important. Indeed, they make efforts to buy things even though their own money is insufficient. I strongly believe that people have a specific reason to behave this way, though there are some solutions for this matter.

The utmost motivation which encourages people to purchase things using some borrowed money is definitely pride. In this era, people have the tendency to make buy things with the money they do not really own to impress people whom they are not even close with. For example, a female employee who works in a particular company buys a Gucci bag using her credit card prior to attending her high school reunion. She desperately wants to create an image that she is a successful career woman, especially in front of her rivals during high school period. At the end of day, this behaviour continues every year, so predictably her credit card bill became higher on the following years.

From my point of view, people should manage their financial more properly. This can be done by set priorities in spending their cash, be more selective in buying products (not only by its brand, but also its value) and do shopping at the right time, for example during the sale season. As for using credit cards, they should not jump into a river without observing the rocks and the wild streams in it first. It is best for everyone to know the terms and conditions of a credit card before applying for one.

All in all, it is true people have a reason to purchase things with money they do not own. But I extremely believe that this consumption pattern can be solved by being wiser, as well as manage their financial better.

Writing Feedback / The percentage of number of children in Australia, whose mothers were between 40 and 44 years old [2]

The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981.

The table gives information about the percentage of the number of children in Australia, whose mother was between 40 and 44 years old during the period 1981 to 2006. It is noticeable that from 1981 to 2006, most of these women gave birth to two children.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, the highest rate of woman giving birth to a couple of children was in 2006 at 38.3%, with only 0.1% gap with the second highest during 2006 when the rate was 38.2%. However, 1981 saw the lowest rate of children who was born by woman aged 40-44 with the rate at above a quarter.

Meanwhile, the least number of children ever born by these particular women varies over the timeframe. 2006 experienced a plunge to a low of just above one tenth in the rate of four or more children born by these women. While from 1981 to 1996, the lowest rate was in woman who gave birth to one child at below 10%.

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Writing Feedback / Information about the primary export commodities of Southland in 2000, 2015 and predictions for 2025 [2]

The chart below gives information about Southland's main exports in 2000, 2015, and future projections for 2025.

The bar chart gives information about the primary export commodities of Southland in 2000, 2015 and it makes prediction for 2025 in £billion. It is noticeable that the three commodities dominate the exports during the three different years.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, meat products reached its highest level at almost 10 in 2000, and then there will be a slight decrease until 2025. This type of commodity is predicted to reach the lowest at 5. On the other hand, 2015 is dominated by dairy products export at around the same level as international tourism exports 15 years ago. As for the prediction in 2025, international tourism will be the highest of all other commodities.

Turning to the lowest commodity in the three periods, dairy products was the lowest commodity to be exported from 2000 to 2015, and will remain in this position in 2025. While the lowest exports in the next 10 years will be meat products with almost half of the international tourism commodity.

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Writing Feedback / A Higher Tax on Fast Food and what would be the impact on people's health [2]

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people believe that government should take the measure of increasing the tax on fast food due to a rise in people who have health issues. Indeed, these health problems, such as obesity and high blood pressure, are caused by eating too much fast food. From my perspective, raising the tax on fast food is not particularly effective for the following reasons, and there is another solution for this matter.

Firstly, the tax for fast food is paid by the customers. Therefore, they will have to pay more if the government eventually imposes a higher tax. For example people in Indonesia originally have to pay IDR 30,000 after tax for a hamburger in McDonald's which one the biggest fast food chains in the world. If the government raises the tax, then the final price would become, say, IDR 35,000. Based on a survey reported on television 10 days ago, Indonesians eat hamburgers in McDonald's 20 times a week in average. So, the raise in tax will definitely result in them spending more money on hamburgers. Thus, they shall twice before getting one from a McDonald's outlet.

Next, there will be a predictably fall in fast food's profit, hand in hand with less people eat out at the outlets. It will not just affect business owners, but also other related business supporters, such as food material suppliers and distributors, and most importantly their employees. When a ship is sinking, the sailors have to jump out from it. However, the ultimate question is where are they supposed to go to? If a fast food falls, it would have negative impacts on the employees, like being terminated, or reduce of their salary package.

In conclusion, based on the reasons mentioned above, I am convinced that if governments impose a higher tax on fast food, it is more likely that they will face other problems in the future. It is imperative that they educate people about a much healthier diet and how excessive fast food consumption will affect their health condition.

Writing Feedback / People in Five Different Occupations Sleeping Patterns according to a Canadian study [2]

The chart below shows the sleep patterns of people in five different occupations according to a Canadian study.

The chart gives information about a Canadian study in the daily sleeping hours of people whose jobs are doctors, business executives, full-time mothers, truck drivers and students. The most significant facts to emerge are students and full-time mothers have the longest time to sleep, while others have less sleeping time.

Moving to a more detailed analysis, students spend more time to sleep compared to people with other occupations at 8 hours from 11-12 pm to 6-7 am. Despite the equal sleeping duration in a day, mothers have a slightly different pattern when they go to bed at 10-11 pm and wake up at 5-6 am. However, they usually awake for two hours between their sleeping times at night, and then have a nap at noon from 1-2 pm until 3-4 pm.

On the other hand, business executives and truck drivers have 6 hours of sleep in a day with varied pattern. Albeit their sleeping time starts at around the same time as students, business executives wake up earlier at 4-5 am. That said, they have an hour more time to sleep than doctors.

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Writing Feedback / Sales proportion for four different retail products in New Zealand [2]

The pie charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The pie charts give information about the sales proportion for 4 retail products in New Zealand which purchased online during the period 2003 and 2013. All figures in this chart are in per cent. It is noticeable that film/music and books sales were increased in 2013, on the contrary, travel and clothes decreased in the same period.

Moving to sectors with rising sales, 2013 saw an increase in films/music products sales at a third. While the sales proportion of books also became slightly larger in 2013 that it had 10 years ago with 3 per cent gap.

On the other hand, in 2013 two of the four retail sectors experienced a decline in their online sales. Books products came out to be sold the least among the others at approximately a-fifth. The position of the lowest products sold online replaced by clothes at 16 per cent in 2013, which sales also declined from 2003. In fact, clothes have the largest decline of these two sectors.

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Writing Feedback / Using Technology to Monitor People what they do [2]

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the present era when the technology is developing rapidly, there are many methods can be used to watch over anything done by people. For instance, cellular phone tracking and security cameras, and mostly people do not acknowledge of being watched over. I am convinced that such technology development and implementation, as a coin, also carries two sides with them.

Firstly, the spying activities are common for police or other state intelligence organisations. But of course it is their duty to get secret information to protect a country and its citizen. For example, the whole world wanted to find Bin Ladden and brought him to justice as he was proved to be responsible for terrorism a decade ago. All means of technology was used in order to trace his whereabouts. After some time, after endless CCTVs surveillance and with the benefit of other devices, the most wanted man in the world was captured and the world felt secure.

However, some people tend to oppose this monitoring over their activities. They feel that their precious privacy are disturbed and object with the thoughts of, say, their activities on the internet are captured or interfered by a particular party. People feel uncomfortable when they are under the assumptions that someone is peeking at their routines.

I certainly get the point of people who want to keep their privacy a sacred zone. However, I am even far more concerned about all of our safety. From my perspective, it is rationally acceptable to get a scratch on your skin in order to save a life.

Writing Feedback / People Who Refuse to Pay Tax to The State [2]

People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In general, people tend to be extremely critical when it comes to their financial. Some of them come up with the idea of not paying tax to the government so they can keep all their income. I narrow bunch of reasons to down two to explain why I come to disagree with this opinion.

My first reason is development of facility and infrastructure in the country. Bear in mind how government carries out highways, bicycle tracks, city parks or streets that we use every day. The fund which used to build them came from the tax paid by people from their income. In fact, the government in Indonesia gives opportunity of its people to come up with any idea of what facility they need and will eventually take it into account in the next development plan. By using this method, government can aim for a more efficiency and enhance its credibility to people.

The following reason to support in paying tax to the country is public service sector, especially health. It turns out that the tax also pays for under prosperity citizens' medication. For example, poor people in Indonesia are registered in a health program in which they can go to a hospital or other public health facilities for free whenever they get sick. It will be horrifying if the government does not make the most of the tax paid by people, or worse, if people do not pay it anymore. Health rate in Indonesia could fall dramatically in the long run.

As mentioned above, I strongly disagree if people refuse to pay tax to the country only for their greedy reasons. They should take their time and bear in mind that the particular portion of their earnings will benefit others in the long run. People can brag about loving to the country, but action speaks louder than words. They should not let their greediness take its toll on the country's development or the poor's need for medication.

Writing Feedback / Problems Associated with The Use of Mobile Phones [2]

There are social, medical, and technical problems associated with the use of mobile phones. What forms do they take? Do you agree that the problems outweigh the benefits of the mobile phone?

The utilization of mobile phones by people also carries several problems. It has been taken into account for social, medical and technical issues based by the users. By considering some examples below, I still strongly believe that these problems that these problems do not defeat the benefits in the long run.

For some people, mobile phone use reduces humans' face-to-face social life quality. Imagine if someone hangs out with his friends for an hour, and he spends half hour with his stuck on his smartphone screen instead of having conversations with his peers. People only realize health problem as WHO (World Health Organisation) warned people about radiation produced by mobile phone, which turned out to have the highest level among all other electronics devices. Radiation may cause major health problems, especially cancer. Finally, users sometimes upset when some technical problems such as network errors or screen failure not maintained well by manufacturers.

However, mobile phones technologies are undoubtedly have been facilitating many aspects in our lives. Despite the aforementioned problems, this particular device also helps us, ironically also in the same fields. Mobile social media applications definitely help people to communicate with each other, finding new friends as well reunite them with old friends. Developers also create useful and practical features to help them becoming more aware of their health conditions like heart rate, body mass index and how many steps have they take in a day. Lastly, mobile phone producers are being more consumer-friendly nowadays to maintain their brand image.

All in all, people should bear in mind to not only point out the drawbacks of mobile phones, but also consider how to overcome them. I am convinced that the benefits of mobile phones have higher values than the disadvantages.