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Posts by Abraham22
Name: Muhammad Yusuf Amir
Joined: Sep 16, 2015
Last Post: Dec 1, 2015
Threads: 20
Posts: 11  
Likes: 15
From: Indonesia
School: AS

Displayed posts: 31
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Abraham22   
Dec 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / The plant life threatened by extinction through some natural events and human impact. [NEW]

A breakdown of the number of extinctions of plant and animal species in tropical forest from 2000 to 2100 as a projected year, a 10 - decade period is presented in the line graph and is measured by million, while the pie chart describes the proportion of plant life threatened extinction, categorized two causes, natural events and human impact. Overall, after a peak, the extinction of both species is forecast to decrease dramatically. In any case, the main problem of plant extinction is caused by human threat.

To begin, standing at approximately 5000 extinctions in 2000, the level of extinction is predicted to increase dramatically, peak at ten times of the period. This condition will become the worse condition over the question period, but this, then, will be estimated that a gradual decline of extinction level is predicted over the following 4 - decades period.

Next, It is clear that human impact is number-one causes of threats to plant life rather than natural events with 81% and 18,7% respectively. There are three major causes factors why the threats to plant life are due to development, harvesting, and agriculture; with the percentage over one in ten percent. By contrast, natural events, the number of plant life treated is only caused by natural disaster (7 percent) and other natural events (11,7 percent).




Abraham22   
Nov 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I : The percentage change in the number of international students graduating [2]

The percentage change in the number of international students graduating from universities in different Canadian provinces between 2001 and 2006.

A breakdown of the proportion alter of the figure for overseas students graduating from third-level education in several Canadian provinces, categorized by eight provinces from 2001 to 2006, a 5 - year period is presented in bar chart. Overall, except Alberta, there was an upward trend in all provinces. In any case, while New Brunswick saw the highest proportion in international graduates, Alberta witnessed a reverse, as the least graduates over the question period.

It is clear that international students in several provinces showed a different proportion of graduated students. Standing at 7 percent in 2001, New Brunswick dominated all percentages, while Ontario was the lowest rate for international students who graduated from universities. In the following 5 years, the first province was still the highest figure, and this was followed by Nova Scotia and British Columbia as the second highest graduated students, virtually one in ten percent. In contrast, Alberta became the lowest figure for international graduates changing the position of Ontario.

Interestingly, foreign students of Makitoba and Newfoundland; Labrador Increased significantly to 7 percent, rising a half of the first year period.




Abraham22   
Nov 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / I consider it as a natural behaviour that the human beings rely more often nowadays on one another [3]

People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays they lead a more independent life. Do you agree or disagree ?

As human being reliance too much on others is a natural behaviour. While most people in the preceding era were more likely to rely on one another due to lack of abilities to do some activities, others now prefer working independently because of a tight competition. I utterly believe that becoming independence is the great way to enrich the quality of life.

With regard to previous periods, less ability encouraged people to lean on others. This happened since a wide range of works done could be completed and make the activity easier . Taking a rural area in Indonesia to be an example, the all inhabitants helped each other to run close-knit community together. When one of them wanted to build a house, they helped one another in order that the house could be stand out as soon as possible. All in all, it is clear that dependence on one another was a crucial need.

However, as a consequence of development era, people are obligated to become an independent person. The immense competition among societies to get the job is the main reason why this occurs. For instance, the daily needs force people to compete each other to fulfil all of their necessaries. This means that they have to enable to pay more attention to themselves since no time to reckon another. Above all, to become an independent person is a must.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that it is true, the level of reliance was very high particularly to help each other. Yet, I would argue that an independent life teaches people to be closely with the good life.
Abraham22   
Nov 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) [2]

The bar graph shows the global sales (in billions of dollars) of different types of digital games from 2000 and 2006.

A breakdown of the number of selling globally in the different types of digital games between 2000 and 2006, a 3 - year period was presented in the bar chart and is measured in billions of dollars. Overall, the highest sales of games were the handled games. In any case, while the selling of online, console and handheld games rose significantly over the time frame, the mobile phone games witnessed a reverse.

In 2000, standing approximately at 11 billion, the handled games was the most popular games, and this was followed by the console games at 6 million. During the following year, while games witnessed a dramatic rise to 17 billion, the games used console declined gradually, a half of the first year sales and became the lowest popular in over the question period.

Interestingly, the online games emerged in 2001 and contributed around 0.5 billion. In the next a year, this increased slightly by 0.5 billion and had the same figure as online games around at 1 billion. Both of them, then, grew slightly over the following period and the online games turned the second popular games followed by mobile phone in the third position.




Abraham22   
Nov 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Money plays a core role, however it doesn't always ensure the better life for human [2]

Some people argue that is more important to have an enjoyable life than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Money plays a core role in human life. There seems a debatable issue about how to make life more enjoyable. While some people argue that money is not everything to reach pleasurable life, others argue that to earn money will bring to the great condition in the future. This is essay will discuss both points of view that it is true that earning money can make people bored feeling, although it has the good point such as to support future life.

With regard to enjoyable life, people believe that to get a better life, there are a wide range of ways that people can carry out. By earning money, it leads to stress condition since all of the time are only fulfilled by focusing on it. Taking example a white-coral in office, they have to spend their time 10 hours in a day from Sunday to Saturday in order that they do not have much time to conduct something pleasure. All in all, it is clear that having much money is a determinant of happiness.

However, to support future life earning money becomes an obligation for everyone. These days, forcing people to gain money is imperative as our necessary bothers us to have this. Taking primary needs to be obvious instance, in daily life, eating is the fundamental necessity needed to support human life. Yet, to obtain this, the people need money to purchase. If the people do not have a job. It is impossible to reach the great quality of life. Above all, everyone has a duty to get money due to the fact that it can determine the future life.

The aforementioned evidence that to enrich the better life, money is not the determination. Yet, it has the essential role to support human life. I reckon that people should be able to figure out what the priority of their life is, and carefully to make step in their life.
Abraham22   
Oct 31, 2015
Writing Feedback / More funding to education and healthcare sectors may help with lowering mortality and illiteracy [2]

All education and healthcare should be funded by the goverment and free for everyone.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?


These days education and healthcare are fundamental need. There seem a lot of debate about what the government should carry out to boost them. While some people argue that to reduce the figure for mortality and illiteracy, giving extra funding and free-medical treatment to education and healthcare is appropriate decision, other state this requires vast sums of money. I would argue that this has both merit and demerit implications.

On the positive side, a great deal of fatality and illiteracy increasing annually can be diminished. The government can totally fund several sectors, particularly education and healthcare facilities. Taking Singapore to be obvious instance, this country has productive human resource thanks to a serious attention of government toward prosperity. Upgrading plenty of school's facilities such laboratories and libraries; clinical equipment in hospital are real proof. Interestingly, both sectors are available and free-paid access to everyone due to the Singapore government. All in all, one of ways to eradicate a large number of demises and illiterates is by allocating more funding to education and healthcare sectors than others.

However, a negative side to this funding is the impact that this has on other sector. One of the biggest problem leading the progress of a number of areas becomes obstructed as the outcome is fairly expensive. For example, while the government only focuses on several fields to fund amount of money, absolutely it is believed that damage which will occur has profound effects in order that the system is unable to run well. In conclusion, several sectors will be impeded owing to the lack of money.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that it is clear that the advantages to ease a considerable amount of mortality and illiteracy are by giving more funding to education and healthcare sectors, while the level of outcome is predicted extremely high, and this will affect on the development of other sectors.
Abraham22   
Oct 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Key of life is Success and a happy person have a great chance to be truely succesful [2]

Let me try Mr. Putra..
Hope this help..

I suggest to you. it will be better, if you can tag the instruction about your task in order that I can help you to detect the cohesion about your passage..

The key of life is success. Some people argue thatAn argument commonly put forward is that felt happyfeeling happy is able to givedirectly impact tohuge effect to become the successfull , On the other hand, somewhile other believe thatof people thought successto get success is really influenced by other pointsa wide range of points . This essay will explain several reasons that leading happiness comes for human life.

[quote=Saputra]To begin with happiness, it has contributed to the way of human livelifein many beneficial away, . The advantages of happiness is problem could control by the human brain to always positive thinking, even there many troubles in that moment. The biggest problemofhuman'speopleproblemis when facing matter is getting stress. etc

Notes:
1. I think you have crucial problem about your grammar brother.
2. Pay attention to subject agreement
3. you can use this in your passage ( While + sentence, sentence / sentence, while sentence)
4. etc --> All of your PARAGRAPHS have the same problem.


Keep struggling..
# Abraham
Abraham22   
Oct 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / Required activities for high schoolers: charity, neighbourhood improving, teaching sports to kids [4]

Let me try..
Overall, i can catch your explanation. Yet, there are several points that you have to pay attention about it.

These days, many people believe that high schoolarsa high scholar should work in unpaid community service as a compulsory part of high school programmes. I also agree that it is important to gain responsibilities in early ages and students can get this by working.

Notes :
1. Try to paraphrase the quotation. it'll be better, if you avoid repetation because it will effect to tour score.
" should work in unpaid community service as a compulsory part of high school programmes"
2. Including two points of view in this paragraph will be better, not only positive side but also negative side.
3. Try to make more than 2 senteces in this paragraph.


Hope this help..
Abraham22   
Oct 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : Do You Feel Lonely When You Live In An Apartment? [5]

Several persons Most people believe that an inhabitant will feel lonely if they live in a tall condominium, because there is just a little of togetherness in the society of condominium. WhereasMoreover , other people believe that the residents of tall flat have better togetherness among the neighborhood than the individuals who live in home. This essay will discuss both points of view.

Notes :'
1. It is right if you want to use SEVERAL PERSONS". Yet, it will be better, if you use appropriate word such as SOME/MOST PEOPLE.

2. WHEREAS sentence, sentence / sentence WHEREAS sentence.


This is my suggestion.
These days, high-rise apartments have been spreading around the world. As such, there seems to be a lot of debate how effect gained lives in a flat. While most people believe that an inhabitant will feel lonely if they live in a tall condominium since there is just a little of togetherness in the society of condominium, other people believe that the residents of tall flat have better togetherness among the neighborhood than the people who live in home. I utterly believe that both have merits and dimerits.
Abraham22   
Oct 9, 2015
Writing Feedback / The Advantages of a Computer for Student: social networking, learning media, computer skills [3]

Let me try ..
Hope this help..

Nowadays in modern world, usingThese days , The use of computer technology has affected every field of lifeevery part of human's life . As seen,Almost computer usersthe users of computer are not only adult but also studentschildrenare who already can use computer in their activityactivities . They use computer in order to develop their ability. There are some advantages of computer for students from asuch asusing social networking , learning process and improving computer skill.

#Abraham..
Abraham22   
Oct 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK I : the percentage of the employment by occupation [4]

Tx sir. I do my best

The bar chart describes the percentage of the employment by occupation, categorized by a wide range of occupations and genders in 2005 in the United Kindom. Overall, predominantly of all works are dominated by men. In any case, while the men had the higher proportion in skilled trades than women, the females were more likely to work in administrative and secretarial fields than males.

with regards to men, it is clear that the domination of the men for various works was more than women. Besides, they tended to choose active field jobs. Furthermore, the highest figure of skilled trades, at 20 percent, showed the superiority of men in the company of women, approximately 2%.

On the other hand, the women preferred the jobs related to services and administration. Standing at 22%, administrative and secretarial occupations became the popular job which they choose. In addition, there was a job showing the same interest between male and female, labourers and catering and assistants, by proportion were relatively similar at approximately 12 percent.
Abraham22   
Oct 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / The New Zealand people are quite satisfied with proportion of the shops and restaurants [3]

The table and diagram describe the proportion of survey results that determine the level of costumer satisfaction in a new shopping complex in Auckland, New Zealand, categorized by men and women. Overall, the shops and restaurant surveys show the percentage of results in each item highly varied. Moreover, the average of people in Auckland tends satisfied with the design of shops and restaurants.

Turning to the shops, the male is more satisfied by the appearance displayed than female between more than two fifths and more than a third percent. Besides, while solely 17% of men are very satisfied, the women show the double figure than men, at more than a third percent. Interestingly, the figure of dissatisfied witness a similar percentage.

Moving to the restaurant, standing at more than a half percent, the proportion of the men shows the enthusiasm higher than women, at 32 percent. In the same way, the figure of both genders witnesses a similar proportion approximately less then a third percent.

In terms of the mall design, it is clear that new zealanders are quite satisfied with a proportion of more than a half while other item shows the percentage roughly 15%.
Abraham22   
Oct 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK I : the percentage of the employment by occupation [4]

The bar chart describes the percentage of the employment by occupation, categorized by a wide range of occupations and genders in 2005 in the United Kindom. Overall, predominantly of all works are dominated by men. In any case, while the men had the higher proportion in skilled trades than women, the females were more likely to work in administrative and secretarial field than males.

Regard to man, it is clear that the domination of the men for various works was more than women. Futhermore, they tended to choose active of field jobs. Furthermore, the highest figure of skilled trades, at 20 percents, showed the superiority of men in company women, approximately 2%.

On the other hand, the women witnessed that they preferred the jobs related by services and administrative. Standing at 22%, administrative and secretarial became the popular job which they choose. In addition, there was a job showing the same interested between male and female, labourers and catering and assistants, by proportion relatively similar approximately 12 percent.




Abraham22   
Oct 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / The New Zealand people are quite satisfied with proportion of the shops and restaurants [3]

The table and diagram describe the proportion of survey to determine the level of satisfying for a novel shopping complex in Auckland, New Zealand, categorized by men and women. Overall, what stands out from the shops and restaurant show the percentage of survey in each item is highly varied. Moreover, the average of people in Auckland tends satisfied with the design of shops and restaurants.

Turning to the shops, the male is more satisfied by the appearance displayed than female. Besides, while solely 17% of men are very satisfied, the women show the double figure than men, at more than a third. Interestingly, the figure of dissatisfied witness a similar percentage.

Moving to the restaurant, standing at more than a half percent, the proportion of the men shows the enthusiasm higher than women, at 32 percent. In the same way, the figure of both genders witnesses a similar proportion approximately less then a third percent.

In terms to design, it is clear that new-zealand people is quite satisfied with proportion more than a half while other item shows the percentage roughly 15%.




Abraham22   
Oct 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK II: flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes [2]

The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business and commercial purposes around the world over recent years.
what do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of such flights?


These days, the aircraft becomes a prominent transportation. As seen, a host of countries in the world has provided airports with great facilities. Although a number of flights increase gradually and brings benefit to economy sector, I argue that it also should be consistent with an increase of airport system in order to make the users of services aircraft feeling comfortable.

Regard to the merit of flights, one of the highest income that the government gains if from the tax. This happens due to the fact that the air-traffic flight becomes the indispensable transportation to connect a country to other country around the world in order that that makes the time more efficient than using other transportation. As an instance, according to the annual report of the ministry of transportation Indonesia in 2014 reveals that approximately 20 million people select the airplane as the main priority transportation for cross-regional trips higher than ferry, train, bus, and so on; the destination is not only for domestic services but also for international services so that the government can procure much income. All in all, it is clear that the high income, acquiring the government is the tax on air transportation.

Moreover, it has a negative point as well. The aircraft ticket has been quite easy to be enriched by all levels of the society. Yet, it is not equal to the development system to overcome a wide range of problems about flights. Taking Indonesia as an example, there are a wide range of hideous accidents for several flights occurring within a year and according the results of the investigation reported, it happens due to most airplane has already passed the age consequently many casualties dying. At last, a lot of people become victim owing to the lack of attention to improve the flight system.

The aforementioned evidence reveals that the government should take action to deal with this matter. I argue that when the government increases the tax of flight, it should be followed by adequate facilities.
Abraham22   
Oct 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'fertilisation in a wastewater treatment plant' - How the rainwater is reused. [5]

Thanks for your nice attention sir..
This is my rewriting..

The diagram describes the recycling of rainwater in order to produce drinking water. Overall, there are two methods to produce drinking water. In any case, while the first method of retaining rainwater in the reservoir has several phases, the second method only requires a short process.

Using the first method, the rainwater is collected in the dam. After that, the water is channeled to a water treatment plant and the final step, the water is processed to become clean water. Following this step, the clean water then flowes through household faucets as drinking water. In contrast, another method shows the rain water is collected in a rainwater tank and it then flowes into the faucets without further fertilization.

Next, water which has been collected is sent to the wastewater treatment plant for processing and filtration. Afterwards, Half of the disposed water will be recycled and returned to household with the excess water thrown to the sea. On the other hand, water totally collected inside the water reservoir is directly discharged by draining the water into the sea.
Abraham22   
Oct 4, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'fertilisation in a wastewater treatment plant' - How the rainwater is reused. [5]

What stands out from the diagram describes the cycling of rainwater in producing drinking water. As seen, there are two methods to produce drinking water. In any case, while the first method of retaining rainwater in the reservoir has several phases, another method only needs short process.

Regard to the first method, first, the rainwater is absorbed in the dam. After that, the water is flowed to water treatment plant and In this step, the water is processed becoming clean water. Following this, the clean water, then, is flowed into the house as drinking water. In contrast, another method shows the rain water is directly taken in a rainwater tank and then it is flowed into the house without fertilization process.

Next, water which has been utilized is sent to wastewater treatment plant to get fertilisation. Afterwards, Half of disposal water will be recylced and flowed again to the house and excess treated water will be thrown to the sea. On the other hand, Water totally accommodated inside the water reservoir directly discharged through drainage into the sea.




Abraham22   
Sep 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK II : difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives [5]

This is my revision..

Media is the centre point of information. As seen, the people find it difficult to shun from media which has become a part of human life, influencing all activies, actions, and emotions. I utterly believe that there are several effects that media can impact toward people's lifestyle.

One of the negatives of media is that media can influence the human point of view. The adverstiment offered can affect decision making of people to determine the next acts. For instance, the media broadcasts bad news such as the Israeli attack on Palestine, which led to a misconception and prejudgement of Israel as troublemakers. All in all, it is clear that the media has a main role in controlling the human's mind.

As media deploying a great deal of information across the world, it definitely helps human so as to obtaining news.

Moreover, it has a merit as well. The people can easily get much information the way of media. It unfolds the huge sources of information worldwide in order for the society. For example, recently, a large accident occurring in Arab Saudi shows how news can be spread after the accident within hours, almost everyone in the world has known about that case. Consequently, As media deploying a great deal of information across the world, it definitely helps human so as to obtaining news.

In conclusion, the aforementioned evidence reveals that the media plays an imperative role that the people cannot probably be shunned although the humans' life are under surveillance days and night. Where possible, citizens should be extremely caution from utilizing the content of media as becoming smart viewers is the best way to obtain the influence of media.
Abraham22   
Sep 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / The table chart describes the use of trail, categorized by how many people use it [6]

I'm gladd to hear it. I see sir..
This is my rewrite,.

The table chart describes rail travel in four developed countries, categorized by how many people used it, how far the destination of each passenger was, and how many tons were carried away in 2007. While the Japan dominated all figures, the USA witnessed the lowest figures except when it came to cargo carried.

With regard to the highest figures, standing at 27 percent, Japanes were more likely to use the train as transportation than the the USA by at least 6 percent. In addition, the distance travelled was farther. Interestingly, the highest cargo rate also was shown by Japan, at 23,01 tons bigger than the UK, USA, and Italy.

In terms of another country, it is clear that the UK and Italy had relatively the same figures in all categories by 0.4% for usage of rail travel, 10 kilometres in distance, and 0,3 tons of cargo. In contrast, the USA showed the lowest figures for all categories with a great distance.

# What is the difference between further and farther sir ?
Abraham22   
Sep 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / The table chart describes the use of trail, categorized by how many people use it [6]

Thank you very much for your attention MR. Vangiespen,.
I do hope you cannot be bored to give me suggestion..

The table chart describes the rail travel in four developed countries, categorized by how many people use it, how far the destination of each passenger is, and how many tons carried away is in 2007. As seen, while the Japan dominated all figures, the USA witnessed the lowest figures when it came except to cargo carried.

Regard to the highest figures, standing at 27 percent, Japanes were more likely to use the train as transportation more than any other country in particular USA by figure at least 6 percent. In addition, the distance travelled was further. Interestingly, the highest cargo also was shown by Japan, at 23,01 tons bigger than the UK, USA, and Italy.

In terms of another country, it is clear that the UK and Italy had relatively the same figures in all categories by 0.4% for usage of the trail, 10 kilometres in distance, and 0,3 tons of cargo. In contrast, the USA showed the lowest figures for all categories with a great distance.
Abraham22   
Sep 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / The table chart describes the use of trail, categorized by how many people use it [6]

The table chart describes the use of trail, categorized by how many people use it, how far the destination of each passenger is, and how many tons carried away is in four developed countries in 2007. As seen, while Japan dominated all figures, USA witnessed the lowest figures except to cargo carried.

Regard to the highest figures, standing at 27, Japaneses were more likely to use trail as transportation more than other country in particular USA by figure at least 6. In addition, the distance travelled was further. Interestingly, the highest cargo also was shown by Japan, at 23,01 tons bigger than UK, USA, and Italy.

In terms to another country, it is clear that UK and Italy had relatively the same figures in all categories by solely 0.4 for usage of the trail, 10 kilometres in distance, and 0,3 tons of cargo. In contrast, USA showed the lowest figures for all categories with a great distance.




Abraham22   
Sep 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK II : difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives [5]

It is becoming more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media-rich society.

Media is the point centre of information. Media has become the part of human life, influencing every single activities, actions, and emotions. I utterly believe that there are several effects that media can impact toward people's lifestyle.

Turning to demerit, media can influence the viewpoint of human. The adverstiment offered can affect decision making of people to determine something. For instance, the worse, breaking news, which is always broadcasted on television can make their viewers provoked to believe what they see and hear such as Israel attacking Palestina by the brutal actions in order that the viewers will be easy provocated and judge Israel as the troublemakers. As the result, the media has a main role in controlling the human's mind.

Moreover, it also has a merit. The people can be easily get much information the way of media. It unfolds the huge sources of information on worldwide in order that the society is able to consume that information. For example, recently, a large accident occurring in Arab Saudi shows how fast media can be spread after the accident in order that within hours, almost everyone in the world has known about that case. As the result, the media really help in spreading information.

To conclude, I believe the media are having crucial role which we cannot be ignored. Media has controlled every single side of the human life. We should be careful to value the content of media. Became smart viewers is the best way to get way of the influence of media.
Abraham22   
Sep 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK II : own business instead of working for a company or organisation [3]

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages ?

Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Taking a chance to make a choice is the starting point to determine the plans for the future. While some people argue that to build a business start-up capital becomes an acute problem, others more likely to establish their own business as it is extremely seductive, easier to control and giving a social impact than working in an institute. I personally believe it will give more advantages for human's life.

At first glance, the main problem to establish a personal company is capital. The performance of a company will be able to run well if the net-operating cost can be fulfilled. For instance, an amateur businessman has to devise the way of how to meet all operational cost such as paying a wage to the employees, electricity bills, taxes and so on; as a consequence, capital fixed has to be always budgeted. All in all, the capital to build a company becomes quite crucial.

However, having a personal business also has dire effects on several core sides that forceful impact of the human's life. Firstly, for the owners, a business opens a large chance to get more income, such as Bill Gates as shareholders' equity of Microsoft. Personal business also gives full control toward the owners to oversee their company, like the proprietor of Facebook, Mark Zurkerberg, keeps track of the progress his venture by means of controlling the centre although their business has spread of in the world. Furthermore, by personal company it will create greater employment opportunities such as tobacco companies in Indonesia has employed thousands of people.

To conclude, it is evident that having own business provide of various benefits not only for the owner but also for the society. If a private business more and more, it will open up the opportunity to become the independent people.
Abraham22   
Sep 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / Professionalism of an organisation requires the introduction of an proper dress code [4]

Thanks for your attention Mr. Vangiespen..
This is my revision..

The orientation of a company is professionalism. As such, there seems to be a lot of debate about how an organization should be looking good. While some companies argue that perfect dress is prominent for staffs, others argue that the crucial factor for a business is the quality of work. I utterly believe the company will progress considerably when workers are both well-groomed dress and have the skill to work.

In terms of dressing smartly, appearance is one of the ways to influence and potentially to impact how businesses perform effectively. Professionals, generally, size up capability of other professional from what they wear the first meeting. When a staff member of a company conducts prominent presentation in front of business colleagues, he wears wrinkled clothes. Eventually, they tend to associate him as incapable as a professional. All in all, attractive appearance reliably determines the level of trust in a business.

On the contrary, performance determines a company's success. Great human resources will greatly influence toward organization development. For instance, Google is one of the greatest companies in the world, they have a tight recruitment process in order to find the qualified human resources so that the company will have a great composition of employees. To sum up, the company will run well as the quality of worker adequately supports every single position in that company.

Personally, I reckon that the companies need the workers having ability to keep up appearances and to enable outstanding work. If the appearance is not interesting, it will decrease the level of belief. On the other hand, if result becomes a priority, it should be supported by an attractive employee appearance.
Abraham22   
Sep 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / Professionalism of an organisation requires the introduction of an proper dress code [4]

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.

Discuss bith these views and give your own opinion.


The orientation of a company is professionalism. As such, there seems to be a lot of debate about how an organization should be looking good. While some companies argue that perfect dress is prominent for staffs. Others argue that the crucial factor for a business is the quality of work. I utterly believe that company will progress considerably when workers have both in well-groomed dress and skill to work.

In terms to dress smartly, appearance is the one of ways to influence and potentially to impact how businesses performs effectively. Professionals, generally, size up capability of other professional from what they wear the first meeting. As an obvious instance, when a staff member of a company conducts prominent presentation in front of clients which will be invited to cooperate, he wears a wrinkled of clothes. Eventually, clients tend to associate him incapable as a professional in order to decrease minimally valuation of clients to play along. All in all, attractive appearance reliably determines the level of trust in a business.

On the contrary, performance is determinant to company's success. Great human resources will influence enormously toward organization development. To exemplify, google as the one of the greatest companies in the world, they do recruitment process tightly to find the qualified human resources in order that their company has a great composition of employees. To sum up, the company will run well as the quality of worker adequately support every single position in that company.

Personally, I reckon that the companies need the workers having ability who are able to keep up appearances and to enable outstanding work. If the appearance is not interesting, it will be able to decrease the level of belief. On the other hand, if result becomes priority, it should be supported by attractive appearance.
Abraham22   
Sep 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / The clothes indicate what kind of persons we are - IELTS TASK 2 [4]

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most important indication of what they are like. Others, however, say that people should not be judged by the clothes they wear.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


A proverb said do not judge a book by its cover. These days, some people believe that the standardization level of human quality is able to be determined through the use of dress. Moreover, others argue that what they wear is uncertain as same as what they guess in the first impression. While, getting a dress with the highest quality is as a social attribute determining the quality of life for some, I argue that it is also undetermined to judge the social status of individual as most inhabitants only want to seem like the rich.

At the first glance, Putting on a luxurious dress determines the living standard of the people. Clothes dressed is absolutely expensive and only the rich who have a high social status can afford it. As seen, like celebrities, they always get all dolled up in a wide range of event in order to attract every single eye surrounded them. What they wear, certainly, figures out their status in social level. As a result, strata of society can be seen the way of what they wear. If individuals put on a luxurious wear, it means they are the richest.

However, it is evident that everyone would like to seem wealthy in front of the society by using attractive dress. It occurs as an effect of modernization, which is rapidly developed encouraging them to live excessive. A recent study of social psychology had revealed that self-esteem is the fundamental behaviour of individual who is obtained by inhabitants surrounded them in order that they will be more appreciated. It means that the use of interesting dress affects toward people's opinion about themselves.

Personally, I reckon the statement depends on how far the viewpoint is to judge people. If individuals only own one side to size up the social strata about wearing clothes, it will bring out the presumption of innocence. On the other hand, If they possess two points of view, the people will be wiser in appraising the others.
Abraham22   
Sep 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / TASK 1 : Happiness of parents with children of different ages [4]

The pie chart compares the proportion of parents' happiness with children of different ages. Overall, the most obvious pieces of information are that the parents who have juvenile children are happier than most extremely children. It is clear that only a few parents feel unhappy while they have very young and teenage children.

At first glance, it is evidence that the parents are more likely to own adolescents than children aged extremely young by comparison between 61 percent and 50 percent. On the contrary, the proportion of feeling quite happy of parents having toddler is higher just under a half percent than parents possessing teenage children at more than a third.

In terms to the lowest proportion under one in twenty percent, two groups of children owning different ages only show a bit deviation at one percent. It is evidence that the difference of parents' unhappiness when they have both of them witness a similar feeling.




Abraham22   
Sep 20, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : RELATIONSHIP WITH SUPERVISOR [2]

The pie charts show a survey describing the closeness level of staff members between advisory staff and fellow workers during 2005 to 2009 and is measured in percentage. Overall, the most obvious pieces of information are that the quality of relationships among employments seems more excellent. Yet, the proportion of employees feeling that they don not have a supervisor or co-workers simultaneously also increase over the 4 - year period.

Turning to advisory staff, between 2005 and 2009, the very-good item saw a gradual increase of employee relationships with supervisor, from 61% to 65%. Moreover, the proportion of their estrangement, also grew by 4 percent. Interestingly, the productivity of workers to answer the survey experienced a progress. On the other hand, while two items, fair and good, witnessed a minimal drop, poor item still was in its position at 2% over the period.

Regarding to co-workers, standing at seven in ten, the relationship between workers and fellow workers witnessed more excellent relationships over the period. Nevertheless, the level of the item (do not have co-worker) concurrently also raise of 2 percent. Furthermore, although two fair-and-good items presented a moderate fall, poor relationships item had not been become choice anymore of employees in end-of-period time.




Abraham22   
Sep 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : The diagram describes a circulation of air leaking into and out in a house [3]

The diagram describes a circulation of air leaking into and out in a house having two floors. Overall, it can be seen that air leaking into the house passes through a slot located in four of five rooms. Generally, windows dominating a mount of air enter into the house.

Turning to air leaking into the house which consists of two floors. The first floor is where the air enters into all rooms through windows, kitchen vens, door, fireplace, and electrical outlet, whereas in the basement, the air passes driver vent, windows, and outdoor faucet. Surprisingly, the generator room which is in the basement does not have circulation.

Regard to the circulation process, the air leaking into the room, passing a small slot is located in all rooms. Specially plumbing stack vant is used as air exhaust in basement area. Moreover the different condition occurs upstair. It can be seen that in the bathroom, the circulation of wind, which enter into, can be fast reduced as it has a bathroom fan vent and a few crannies to release the hot temperature. This is inversely proportional to the kitchen room which has no special circulation in order to make hotter temperature. In addition, recessed lights, which is active, bring the kitchen room becoming the hottest. Meanwhile, the main room has a great circulation since attich hatch can regulate the temperature well.




Abraham22   
Sep 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / The generator turbine is using the wind power to produce electricity in the three distinct locations [3]

IELTS TASK 1 : Design for a wind turbine and determining the location

The diagrams describe a generator turbine using the power of wind to produce electricity in the three distinct locations where the turbine can be placed. Overall, there are four prominent materials to operate the turbine. It can be seen that the turbine, which is located on a high plateau, can be maximum acceleration.

Turning to a wind turbine, it consists of four parts; generator, wind sensor, blades, and steel tower. The process starts while fibreglass or wood is stimulated by wind. Afterward, the intensity level of wind received is detected by a sensor which is located behind the bladder. The generator connected with sensor, then, revs the bladder in order to produce electricity at 1500 kilowatts.

Regard to the ideal location for turbine tower, it can be established on the sea, lowland, and high plateau. However, an amount of electricity, which is resulted has the different capacity. While the turbine on the sea only generate a little electricity under domestic turbine production, the domestic turbine can produce at 0.1 megawatts. Yet, it is clear that the higher place that is used to build turbine, it will result more electricity.




Abraham22   
Sep 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK II : The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationship [2]

Psychologists said that personal relationship means commitments, uniquenesses, dialectics, and rules. These days, personal relationship experiences a serious dilemma among human's life owing to the excessive use of E-media. Whilst most people argue that it has reduced sense of belonging in personal intercourse, I utterly argue that this has both positive and negative implications.

Turning to negative side, interlacing relationship by using electronic media has opened a huge gap in personal relationship in a particular sense of belonging. It can occur since a lack of direct communication or less frequency for a face-to-face meeting leading the level of sensitivity for feeling empathy turns extremely low. A recent study of psychology has revealed that E-media has reduced the sensibility level to care each other among inhabitants due to less emotional relationship which should be gotten by intensity of several meetings. As a result, sensibility becomes the lowest because of using E-media. Utilizing E-media oftentimes will bring to the worst personal relationship condition.

In contrast, there is a potential factor which is able to help the inhabitants growing a great personal relationship by way of E-media. Conversely the people are disaggregated by far distances, it would look closer thanks to aid of technology. For instance, by utilizing mobile phone which connects everyone in everywhere using the feature like camera in order that the people can directly face-to-face with the others without should make an appoinment in a place. Thus, they can keep in touch, albeit separated of distances. This means as far as any place, personal relationship still can be kept by aid of an E-media.

To conclude, the detrimental factor that brings the personal relationship between the people is as a lack of feeling sympathy because of depending on the E-media. Moreover, if the people know how to use the E-media well, it should bring a great merit in keeping a personal relationship.