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Posts by nurannisaputry92
Name: Nur Annisa Putry
Joined: Mar 14, 2016
Last Post: Apr 7, 2016
Threads: 36
Posts: 27  
Likes: 2
From: Indonesia
School: Hasanuddin University

Displayed posts: 63 / page 2 of 2
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nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / People attend college or university for many different reasons [2]

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university?

In these days, education is essential to support better living. Some people attend college or university for many purposes. This essay will examine some reasons why society takes higher education for several aims.

Many people believe that higher education can assist community to earn revenue for better living due to gain well-paid job. This is because university provides skills for students and enhances the quality of expertise. For example, many multinational companies in Saudi Arabia hire plenty of bachelor degree for taking good position. More than 17,000 bachelor degrees are appropriate to fill vacant position in order to become professional. As a result, bachelor degrees take a big responsible and position in any company. Undoubtedly, many graduates are more considered to be accepted in corporation to raise the income to meet with basic needs rather than another.

Furthermore, the dominant factor why people involve themselves to attend the university is competitiveness. The competitiveness is influenced by the high cost of living which encourages people to get the best education to sustain the way of life. For instance, according to UNFPA data, more than 34,500 unemployment people in South Africa are affected by lacking of education in which many people are only obtaining the access of education in high school. As a result, a large number of groups tend to not to be ready to face the rivalry among them. It is impressive that, the competitiveness leads a large influence of taking-part in college in order to maintain the sustainable of quality of life.

To sum up, it is evident that well-paid occupation and competitiveness are the main factors why societies tend to attend university in order to get better living and preserve the sustainable of quality of life. Government should construct and repair the facility and system education in higher institution so that all of dwellers can access an appropriate education to support existence.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Governments make many rules to save people from harm [2]

Governments make many rules to protect people from danger, for example, by making people wear seat belts in cars or not allowing smoking in public buildings. However, many people believe that there are too many rules nowadays. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

As it is commonly understood that there are a great deal of regulation made by government such as wearing seat belts in cars and not giving a permit to smoke in public space. However, some society argues that there are too many rules today. I personally disagree with statement above because there are some reliable reasons why government regulates the rules for controlling humankind and environmental.

The dominant factor why government authorizes a lot of law is to control the crime action. This is because it will enhance the quality of citizen life. For example, New Zealand applies some regulation for monitoring the movement of activity in city. As a result, the crime rate there decreases year-by-year around 25.5%, and this country is well-known as the most safety state in the world. There is no doubt that the role of law is to improve the way of life

Furthermore, this regulation leads to a merit effect on environmental protection. This is because it will boost the spirit of people to be responsive about environmental issue. For instance, the regulation which is implemented by World Organization like United Nations affects more than 1,450 industries in Yokohama Japan constructing the wastewater treatment plant to diminish the effect on wastewater. It is impressive that the functional of regulation is not only to avoid the offensive action, but also to preserve the environment becoming better.

To sum up, it is evident that there are some factors why government makes numerous regulations in order to organize the quality of human life and environmental security. I personally agree that the functional of rules brings a lot of benefits for some aspects. I would recommend that government should apply the regulation wisely by considering the purposes.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Schools from different areas report that students tend to have behavioral problems [3]

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

As it is commonly understood that school influence the way of student's think and behavior. Schools in different part report that students tend to have behavioral problems. This essay will examine the reasons why this phenomenon is occurring and discuss some possible solutions.

There are some predominant factors why student behave inappropriately. Firstly, the way of society business today affects student's behavioral model. For example, parents tend to consider spending a great deal of time in workplace rather than home in which there is no control from parents. As a result, children tend to imitate what they see in television or internet without thinking is it good or not due to lack of parental guidance.

Furthermore, another aspect that influences student behavior is the environment at school. Adolescent prefer to absent the class to play a video games affecting the mindset of the children these days. A lot of children are behaving aggressively and offensively due to the games that they play often which shows a violence and vulgar images. Consequently, plenty young generation thinks that fighting and destructive act is a common and usual activity. Undoubtedly, video games damage the mentality of child.

Nevertheless, there are potential ways to solve these problems or at least reduce the effects. Firstly, parents and teacher should deal with controlling the children activities in which avoid them to use the technology without monitoring of parents and teacher. Secondly, parents should spend a quality time to observe the activity or to pay attention more what they do and run. In addition, teacher should cope with this problem by giving them moral and attitude lesson. This will help them how to respect each other.

To sum up, although there are some factors of detrimental student's behavior, there are some steps that parents and educators can take to diminish its effects. If both of parents and tutors are to save our children attitudes, it is essential that this is treated as priority for all concerned.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most leaders or directors generally belong to an older age group [NEW]

Most leaders or directors generally belong to an older age group, but some people believe that young leaders are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion.

In these days, the style of leader is influenced by age of groups. Most people who lead company or organization have an old age while young leaders are better to direct corporation. I personally agree that older people have good leadership skills due to having a great deal of experiences and wisely to determine decision.

In this modern era, employment tends to choose a leader who has elderly age. This is because they have a lot of experience to run the organization. For example, the average of chief's age in big association such as United Nations is more than 40 years old. They are already observing how to handle the problem and how to cope with the atmosphere and characteristic of human in workplace. As a result, this becomes primary and dominant factors to make company bigger and enlarger. This is impressive that the experience makes people learn how to be a good leader in the future.

Furthermore, the elderly leader is easily to decide the pronouncement. This is because they always find the difficulties in the previous job encouraging them to be more braves to directly take a choice. For instance, the president director does not think twice to evaluate the performance of employee whether is worthy or not to the company. The director will take responsible to fire employee by considering the productivity of occupant which influence the revenue of the corporation.

To sum up, there are evident that new experience and decision-making are significant triggers to enhance a leadership skill. However, the directors who have older age of group are more suitable to give directions to company to become better rather than young leaders by considering reasons above. I would recommend that young leaders should learn more how to observe the problem and decide the decision.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets [2]

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures. This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In these days, health is essential issue that should be aware. Most developed countries spend a large percentage of their health expenditure on luxury medical machinery and process while other thinks that funds should be spent instead on health education. I personally agree that it is better to develop the technology of medical and procedure in order to give life expectancy on patient and to boost the productivity of medical employment

Some people believe that money which is spent on medical procedure is better than health education. This is because the system of medical can support the process of treatment. For example, there are 35.6 percent of successful surgeries that has been recorded by New Zealand which influence the increasing of productivity of the doctor. As a result, the procedure is more beneficial rather than health education because this is only socializes and gives some explanation how to keep body more healthy.

Furthermore, advances in technology affect the life expectancy of human. This is because medical technology is easily to treat illness. For instance, developing country such as United Kingdom concerns to observe the sophisticated technology to find some medicine of HIV/Aids. As a result, the establishments of HRV medicine can assist people to long-live and to survive running their activity. It is impressive that the invention of medical technology can support people to living better.

To sum up, I strongly believe that it is better to enhance the quality of medical equipment and procedure in order to give a life expectancy of sick person and to improve the productivity of general practitioner. Government should spend a lot of budget on enlarging the quality of medical kit and improve the best system of medical
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Prisons are considered as the best way to decrease crime rate [2]

In many countries prisons is considered the best way to decrease crime. However, education is often argued to be more effective way. Which opinion do you most agree with?

In these days, the high cost of living influences the increasing of crime actions. In some countries, offender should be detained in prison in order to do not do some potential offense while education is believed in the effective way to reduce the crime rate. Although prison makes people becoming wary, I personally agree that education is more useful to improve the quality of life which avoids the crime action.

To begin, the best way to ease the high-crime rate is to give a punishment and sanction in imprisonment. This is effectively to give deterrent effect to criminal. For instance, the rate of crime declines significantly in New Zealand because the government applies a new regulation to replenish the detention period. As a result, many inhabitants think twice to do misdemeanor because it leads a miserable life inside the jail for the penalty of their fault.

On the other hand, life demands and poverty affect inhabitant to do a crime act. This is also influenced by lacking of education. Education is the best way to diminish the rate of crime because people can obtain the occupation in order to earn the revenue for better living. For example, Canada is recognized as the most safety country in the world. This is because most of people gain access to an appropriate education. As a result, local people there acquire well-paid job, so it decreases the number of crime rate.

To conclude, even though prison is decent way to be applied, education is essential for developing people's skill in order to decrease the number of criminal. The system education should be implemented in order to control the crime rate and give a tremendous benefit for living.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The world construct ever-taller building to provide accommodation and offices [2]

As populations grow and cities become more crowded, there is pressure throughout the world to construct ever-taller building to provide accommodation and offices. Many people object to such developments, citing the social as well as the physical dangers. Do you agree with objections to skyscrapers?

As it is commonly understood that the rapid growth of population and cities become more congested which is force throughout the world to build high-rise construction to supply infrastructure and office. Many inhabitants complain to such establishment. Although this will leads to dire effect on social and physical dangers, I personally believe that skyscraper will impact on increasing the economy of the country.

In these days, the development of infrastructure brings a detrimental effect on the social and physical dangers. Many labors will be involved by constructing facilities which will boost the number of sick and accident in employment. In addition, it will diminish the intense of social life also because the area of residential is replaced by apartment or skyscraper. This is barrier for socializing with neighborhood due to the fact that there is no public space or open area to make relationship and connection.

On the other hand, skyscraper will increase the stabilization of economy in order to enhance the quality of life. This is because the accommodation and infrastructure will encourage the productivity of the employment. For example, Singapore is the countries that enlarge the facility to support the activity of inhabitant there. Even though, Singapore does not have natural resources to sustain their nation, but the facility that offer to citizen build up the spirit to work efficiency. As a result, Singapore becomes well-known as developed country. It is impressive that the access of accommodation will improve the public of way of life.

To conclude, many people disagree with the establishment due to brigs demerits, particularly social and physical dangers. However, I disagree with this statement because it will amplify the stabilization of economy in order to deliver the productivity of community. I would recommend that government should develop more and more the accommodation and facility to encourage the activity of public.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods [2]

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. While others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today, industry and supermarkets are dominant factors of contributing a large number of plastic wastes. Some people assume that both of them are responsible to diminish amount of goods packaging while other thinks that it is better for purchaser to buy goods without using a great deal of packaging. This essay will discuss both of perspectives by considering some reasons before stating my own opinion.

In this era, manufactures and supermarkets are the biggest commercial companies that donate a lot of plastic waste. This is because the plastic cannot be degraded or recycled by technology, so it will damage the environment. For example, according to United Nations, industry and manufactures in Las Vegas create a problem for environmental issue. Flooding which occurred is caused by lots of plastic waste hampering the flow of water. More than 1.000 houses and residential area has been destroyed by flood with resulting water clogged by plastic. It is impressive that, many commercial should concern to decrease of using a packaging in order to reduce the effect on environment such as flood.

Furthermore, the manufactures is not only to be responsible for packaging effects, but also buyer should concern to decline the damage of environment by reusing plastic bag. For instance, Netherland authority are already applying over regulation for bringing a paper bag before shopping, this regulation encourage inhabitant to use their bag package to wrap their material. As a result, based on Environmental organization, the amount of plastic wastes drop sharply year-by-year from 1.1 million ton to 0.35 ton per months.

On balance, manufactures have bigger contribution to produce a lot of plastic which harm for environmental such as flood, so they should be more response to cope with this problem. I personally believe that society also have responsible for this issue to deal with manufactures to tackle this issue. I would recommend that government should develop a regulation.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Artists' freedom to express their ideas [3]

Revolution originates from the freedom of invention. I believe there is a right for artists to express their feelings with limited restrictions based on ethics and legislations.(you have to have strong position by mentioning your statement whether agree or disagree)

let me modify your introduction:
As it is commonly understood that revolution originates from the freedom of invention. I personally agree that it is right for artist to express their feelings with consideration to limit restriction, including ethics and legislation.


in which the audience was allowed to use everything (that/which/comma) she provided
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The situation of the village in Stokeford after changes between 1930 and 2010 [3]

The comparing regarding the situation of the village in Stokeford between 1930 and 2010 can be seen in the maps . At first glance, we can see markedly that in 2010 there were wide ranges of residential area; on the contrary we cannot find the farmland in this year like in 1930.no need to put specific year In addition, the number of development in this place can be told increasing significantly for 80 years.

The maps reveal about the transformation have occurred in the countryside of Stokeford over an 80-year period. It is noticeable that the most significant changes were the farmland area which had been removed, while the establishment of residential was larger year-by-year.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Compulsory subjects for students that involves them to the community service - IELTS [2]

I personally agree that this compulsory should be implicated for high school student.

I personally agree that this compulsory should be implicated for high school student by considering advantages that children get .

Furthermore, they will have high value of care(preposition+gerund/ving) each other whereby it is very important to create the peace of world (comma) particularly for their environment.

Having experience in extracurricular activities while(WHEN) studying could be an extra assessment for employer. (SV While SV)

in body Paraghraph two, try to give some example (spesific example to emphasize your explanation
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Alterations Occured on West Side of Junior High School [4]

The most noticeable change(s) was the replacement of green ...

Between 1980 and 2010, car park had been enlarged and it replaced the place of sports field.

Between 1980 and 2010, car park was larger than before. While, sports field had been relocated with playground area, which took a third of playground area .
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Results of two different surveys - citizens were questioned on crucial communication skills in a job [3]

Overall, it can obviously be seen that the most communication skill ...

let me modify your introduction :
it is better to make comparison in overall.


The table compares the significant of communication expertise in two types of work survey between 1997 and 2006. Overall, it can be seen obviously that the highest percentage of communication proficiency was external . However, the most important skill was dealing with people in external while listening carefully to colleagues dominated in internal communication.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / The flight is more important today for any purposes such as leisure, business and commercial matters [2]

In today's world, the flight has been [...] such flights which I will discuss in this essay.(why you didn't mention and explain about this question "Do you think flights should be taxed more?" in your thesis statement and body paragraph, so you didn't answer the question and you'll get low score for the task response.

let me modify your introduction:

In today's world, the aircraft manufacturing becomes more popular and essential for any purposes such as pastime, business and commercial matters. There are benefits and drawbacks of such flights which will explain in this essay. However, i personally agree that flight service should not be taxed more by considering more merits that people get for it


in your conclusion:
For this case, in my personal point of view the flight service should not be taxed more , because it is one of the state assets ...

i think, you should put your idea in one paragraph for explaining tax of flight, so you'll get the task response for this task.

thank you, i hopefully this will help you...
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Uncontrolled population growth rate has been a contemporary issue in many countries in recent years. [4]

This problem (is) usually associated with social belief and the government do not pays enough attention.

suggestion: i think your thesis statement doesn't mention about the causes why population is increasing although you explain in paragraph one, better you mention your position also whether agree or disagree

let me modify your introduction:


This problem is usually associated with social belief and the government do not pay enough attention. Many people argue that this is the greatest worldwide problem these days. This essay will discuss by considering the factors why population is increasing. however, i personally agree that this is a significant problem which is faced by human, and this can be tackled gradually if society and government collaborate to alleviate it.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / This essay will discuss factors why population is rising and why it affects the sociality. [2]

The continued rise of in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time.
What are the causes of this continued rise?
Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?


As, it is commonly understood that the increasing of world's population is the most significant obstacle faced by humanity in these day. This essay will discuss by considering factors why population are rising, and the reason why I personally agree that the growing population will affect the sociality.

In this era, there are some factors why the population is increasing. Firstly, the number of pregnant women enlarge year-by-year due to the illegal of marriage which also influences the figure for birth in the world. For example, the research conducted by UNFPA, the population of inhabitant in Africa is hard to be calculated because the number of enormous births is not identified. In addition, there is no strong regulation for socializing the contraception equipment in order to reduce nativity. In Japan, the number of birth decreases year-by-year because the government concern about applying on regulation of using contraception in which one family only has to has 2 children.

Furthermore, the boosting of population can affect the quality of social life. It is because lots of competitors who want to observe the occupation grows annually. It causes that some inhabitants do not earn the revenue for better living. For instance, more than 87,000 unemployment people in Zimbabwe who do not obtain a job because of competitiveness. As a result, Zimbabwe is known as the poverty country. It is impressive that the explosion population leads to detrimental effect on the way of life such as poverty.

To conclude, it is evident that illegal marriage and lack of contraception usage regulation are the main factors why the population becomes bigger. However, I personally agree, this phenomenon brings a dire effect on quality of community life. I would recommend government and world organization such as United Nations to develop the way to diminish and control the rapid growth of population.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / The changes of Stokeford village - the transformation have occurred in the countryside in 80 years [2]

The maps reveal about the transformation have occurred in the countryside of Stokeford over an 80-year period. It is noticeable that the most significant changes were the farmland area which had been removed, while the establishment of residential was larger year-by-year.

In the north area, there were the shops beside housing area and post office in 1930, which had been replacement by the most remarkable of residential development. Next, the primary school was opposite the shops had became enlarger, which had two buildings in 2010. In addition, the farmland area to supply the livestock had been eliminated because of the increasing of infrastructure. However, bridge remained unchanged.

In 2010, in the middle of village, there was a garden in which a half of area had been taken over housing, and also larger house had been relocated on retirement home. There was a dominant alteration next to river stoke. In the south, the emergence of the tremendous and enormous housing looked at alongside behind the river.




nurannisaputry92   
Mar 24, 2016
Writing Feedback / Stokeford village landscape's changes - much more houses had been built, overtook the farmland [3]

... the lost of farmland which scattered in(over/on/about, carefully about preposition and collocation) the early 19s century. The causes was the huge number of houses had been built on (in) itSV agreement ----> the causes was the number of houses which had been built in it

... while farmland existed in south western and north eastern side.
... all part of the village had been altered to residential area.

The large house in 1930 had been altered in function becoming (...) expanded both to (of) the north and south ...
Primary school in the north west of that building also witnessed building expansion in the end of this period.
The shops which priorly existed near post office had been demolished in 2010.
... and the bridge which was connected (to) the village with area ...

there are so many repetition about "building, altered, and existed" try another word altered -----> replace, building----> infrastructure
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / The picture gives information about the process of retention and reuse of rainwater. [2]

hi astri,
let me paraphrase your introduction.

Overall, it can be seen that the process involves four major stages, beginning with storage, distribution of the water, and the cleaning process.

suggestion:

The picture gives information about the process of retention and reuse of rainwater for domestic purposes . Overall, it can be seen that the process including four major stages are used for several aims such as consumption or services.

After the water is used by people for daily needs, it is become (Double verb, read it carefully in order to avoid SV agreement mistaken) household wastewater which directly sends ...

Most of recycled water channeledis distributed back to the house, ...
In the river, it will be mixed with storm water which fell onto the ground.
There is a pipe in the ground that connected to rivers, the functional of this establishment is similar with drainage, is known as stormwater treatment.
nurannisaputry92   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / According to the diagram, air leaks into the house through several indoor-outdoor connections [2]

The diagram reveals how air circulation in a house and how home loses heat. At the first glance, it can be seen that the heat is lost from a room than can stimulate air leaking out and leaking into the house. In any case, some heat is transmitted through the area of room.

According to the diagram, air leaks into the house from several outdoors. Windows, ventilation and doors are the main access of it. However, electric outlet is the main factors which carry out the heat. Another source is found from crawl space and outdoor faucet in the south east of first floor which only produces a small quantity of air. Next, the infiltration comes from home appliance which consists of dryer van and kitchen fan vent. It can also allow air to permeate and to supply a great deal of air into spaces room.

Furthermore, air circulation from inside can be circulated through different locations on the ceiling. The air way out to the outside through attic hatch, and also the air from kitchen fan vent is released from the recessed lights which are alongside the ceiling bottom. Plumbing stack vent is the other equipment in order to discharge the heat air to leave on house.




nurannisaputry92   
Mar 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / There are some different steps to treat the rainwater to produce the quality of water [2]

The diagram presents the process of rainwater is reused for household purposes. It is noticeable that there are some different steps to treat the rainwater to produce the quality of water in order to use it for several aims.

To begin, when rain falls, water is collected in dam, which is pumped to the water treatment plant for cleaning and filtering to supply drinking water. And then, the amount of water is distributed to the house for consumption. Next, wastewater which produced by domestic purposes is flowed into wastewater treatment plant. In this process, this is completely purified and recycled which can be utilized for re-consumption or directly thrown out to the river becoming cleaning water.

However, there is another technique to reuse the rainwater by saving them in the storage tank which the water comes from the rooftop. After the water is stored, the water can be used for watering the plant, and also for services. Following this, there is a pipe in the ground that connected to rivers, the functional of this establishment is similar with drainage, is known as stormwater treatment.




nurannisaputry92   
Mar 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School (IELTS TASK 1) [3]

The map illustrates the transformations that have occurred in the West Park Secondary over 60-year period. The most noticeable changes were the replacement of residential and farmland area with establishment of Car park. However, the development of Car park was larger year-by-year.

To begin, there were several major alteration of the West Park between 1950 and 1980. In 1980, the housing which was opposite the main road had been replaced by car park and science block while there was farmland in the south west Park secondary which had been eliminated by sport field located beside playground.

Turning to 2010, the area of old sport field was relocated to a smaller new one, which took one in three part of playground. Nonetheless, the field of car park was threefold greater than the previous year, and main building of school remained stable over the following year.

Interestingly, although there were tremendous changes happened in the Park, the main road and the school remained unchanged.




nurannisaputry92   
Mar 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / I believe that modern cuisine brings the extinction of traditional meal. [2]

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

These days, local culinary in several countries is changed by a great deal of fast food and instantly groceries product. However I personally agree, this phenomenon brings a detrimental effect on both of relatives and community.

Firstly, the excess of fast food affects the intensity of meeting with the family because this development is available to be consumed at anytime and anywhere. The consumption of this type of food would damage the relations togetherness in which people are less likely to prepare meal on the family table. Cooking at home will bring family members to gather frequently and to share the experience each other in order to reduce tension and to increase conversational. In contrast, if those do not to eat at home often, this would probably diminish the relationship between each other.

In addition, although the international food has a positive side to revenue for the country since the demand rise sharply, but it still has a correlation with the healthy issue which certainly threat to the humanity. For example, there are so many business and advertisements that offer instant food. Consequently, instant foods containing chemical substance like monosodium glutamate have huge opportunities as trigger to obtain overweight and obesity. Also, the originality of traditional food will become endangered since there is no the diversity of habitual ingredients which provide a balance diet without preservatives.

To conclude, I believe that modern cuisine brings a lot of drawback for the family bonding and healthy problem as well as for the extinction of traditional meal. I would suggest that the government should cope with this problem by regulating the tax of international restaurant to reduce the explosion of fast food.

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