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Posts by Mimi07
Name: Mimi Silvia
Joined: Apr 15, 2016
Last Post: May 1, 2016
Threads: 9
Posts: 15  
Likes: 2
From: Indonesia
School: University of Indonesia

Displayed posts: 24
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Mimi07   
May 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The principal function of state is to give a good education and healthcare to everyone in country [NEW]

Q: All education and healthcare should be funded by the government and free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe the government should give free access to healthcare and all education level. I would argue that policy is part of human rights as it can reduce death and silliness especially for developing country. However, it can bring the negative effects such as corruption and budget of states will be increase dramatically.

Those that do not support fund by governments in both sector believe if this policy is realized can bring another negative effects. First, the subsidy budget tend to use by functionary who are not responsibility. They will use this budget for theirself. It caused application of the law still loose. The second, this agenda also need higher budget from the calculation of the stage. State must prepare the new source of income to rise the budget. Therefore, it will not cut the others.

However, I believe everyone in the countries have rights to reach the good level in their part of life. State contributes the full subsidy to their civil society. This statement listed in the United Nation's declaration. Therefore, Indonesia that part of United Nation must do this homeworks in both sector. Nowadays, we can show education in this country just free of charge for children in the primary school and senior high school. Many children can not continue their education to the higher level because the limited of money. It also in healthcare, government is not total to give assistance.

To sum up, some people argue the support by government in education and healthcare will create some problems, I would argue this is the principal function of state to give a good education and healthcare to everyone in this country.
Mimi07   
May 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / English is no longer a foreign language; it is now a global language. IELTS TASK 2. [7]

Hi writer, please allow me give some sugestions to you.

I think in the first paragraph you can mention what is your statement for this essay, are you argue or disagree and give your reason.

On the one hand, >> You can use it for your thir paragraph, not in your second paragraph.

In the second paragraph, I think you have many ideas, try to find and describe your idea with many example.

Keep writing
Mimi07   
May 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The high cost of leaving belongs to the largest drawbacks of Fairmont Island. IELTS [3]

The most common benefits and drawbacks of Fairmont Island, according to survey of visitors, is presented in the pie charts. It is important to note that, high cost of leaving is the largest drawbacks, while it can be seen food quality is very low among the others. In contrast, the popular in the most common benefits is the people, fairly similar with scenery.

Turning to the most common drawbacks, high cost of living shows the popular what visitors claimed to dislike about, at under half. Then, entertainment is the second popular in the most general drawbacks, it is less than a third. Then, weather experience a fifth of proportion. Interestingly, visitors choose food quality the lowest percentage their unpleased, at 5%.

However, the people is the largest reason visitor come to this island, at two-fifth. This proportion can be seen fairly similar with the scenery, at 37%. After that, the good accomodation lowest rank attracts people choose this island. It shows similarity with culture, differing only 1%.




Mimi07   
May 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of places visited by three types different people living in Australia [3]

The four places visited by three types different people living in Australia can be seen in the bar chart. It is noticeable that cinema is the most favourite places by people born in Australia and new migrants from English-speaking countries, while the most popular places visited by new migrants from other countries is library. In contrast, theatre and zoo are similar pattern, while theatre reveals the lowest places visited among the others.

Turning to cinema and library, cinema breaks the limit places visited by people born in Australia, at 70%, compared approximately 55% for library. New migrants from English-speaking countries shows the second top visitor in the library and cinema, while cinema witnessed larger than library. Interestingly, library is very high places see by new migrants from other countries, but it reveals very low for cinema.

However, new migrants from English-speaking countries shows the highest visitors in zoo and theatre, it presents zoo visitor twice than theatre. After that, it also experience people born in Autralia visit theatre a fairly half then zoo. Then, the lowest visitor by new migrants from other countries is theatre, at 10%.




Mimi07   
May 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic - Task 1 - review my writing relating to fast food consumption in Australia [7]

Hi RajatSharma, please allow me give you some suggestions

1. teenagers from Australia between 1975 and 2000.

2.The overall trend shows that >>> Overall, it can be seen that

3. I think you need grouping the data, example:

The overall trend shows that more numbers of hamburgers and pizza were eaten in 2000 than in 1975 but when it comes to Fish and Chip, the intake of it by teenagers went down in the span of 25 years.

It is noticeable that, despite some fluctuation, pizza and hamburger rose significantly during the period, while fish and chips fell dramatically.

I hope this suggestions can help you to improve your writing skill.
Mimi07   
May 1, 2016
Writing Feedback / Number of trainees for obtaining teacher qualifications and the percentage of male qualifiers in UK [4]

Hi Ainirere, let me give you some suggestions to improve your writing skill

1.In 2005/6, the total teaching qualifications obtained by female students ...

Female, at 23.895, has the higher level in the total teaching qualification than male just a quarter of the students.

2. in all of the year. >>Between both periode.

3. the (ITT) Initial Teacher Training qualification >> the Initial Teacher Training (ITT) qualification

Keep writing :)
Mimi07   
Apr 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Intelligence is inborn or develop by learning? This essay will discuss both points of view. [2]

Some people think that intelligence is innate while others think that we can improve our intelligence through learning. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Talking about inteligence is showed the debatable among people. Some people believe that intelligence is inborn become from the cleverness of their parents whereas others think intelligence can develop by learning in the environment. This essay will discuss both points of view.

With regard to the intelligence, people believe it is acceptable for a reason. They think human intelligence owe their brains to their mother. in 1996, the Lancet released a reasearch said several genes which determine intelligence appeared to be located on the X chromosome, the one men inherit from their mothers. For example, Charles Darwin received Joshua Wedgwood's X chromosome so his cleverness through his mother. Therefore, if a man wants smart sons his best bet is to marry a smart woman. Children ability represent parent cleverness .

However, I would argue that intelligence can develop by learning. People decide to spend their time, and finding the resources they need to get wicked smart. For instance, Albert Einstein have low intelligence when he was a child. Many family friends told Einstein's parents that Einstein will never amount to anything because he can't remember anything. In contrast, he read and studied a lot, he worked hard at his passions and interests. As result, environment give a great contribute to the intelligence. Therefore, it is mean more practice and good evironment will be improve someone intelligence.

To sum up, although some people argue intelligence is inborn. I would argue there is the evident environment upgrade the intelligence and there for people need work hard on learning.
Mimi07   
Apr 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Describe charts which give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women [4]

Hi unbreakable
I feel difficult to understand your essay completely. I would like to give you some advices, and hope these will be helpful for you IELTS writing enhancement.

There are 3 part paragraph in the Task 1: introduction, body 1, and body 2.

In the first paragraph, you must mention the overview, it will be help you. This overview will be the main idea for second and third paragraph.

"It is noticeable that female show the high percentage than male on watch reality show over the age group. In contrast, male present large percentage than woman on watch game show especially male at 45+,"
Mimi07   
Apr 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 2: Violence in Media Upgrade Hardness in Society? [5]

Violence in media still exist until know found in television such as variety shows, movies, and tv series. Some people believe this content upgrade the violence in society, particularly bring negative effect on children, whereas others think violent media are not big deal because there is censors intitution who preserve the content. Although, there are argument both of the side, I strongly agree that violance will impact to raise the hardness in society.

The first is the violent content is important to a television series storyline. It means when overall the content of hardness eliminated, the storyline will be confuse. Therefore, censors intitution would be substantial part to minimize the violence that will be make the story flaw. News also show hardness content which is part of the it. Beside of the visual, in the dubbing reporter describe is not good for intimate. So, violent content can not be cut.

However, I believe that hardness in media brings a negative effect. People will imitate what others do in television particularly on children. For example, children who in the growth period love to follow what others perform. In 1965, Albert Bandura presented a research about children with an aggressive model. The model lay the Bobo doll down and was violent towards it and the children watched this action in the video. Then, Bandura put the children in a room with a Bobo doll to see if he/she would imitate the behavior previously seen on the video. The findings of this experiment suggest that children tended to model the behavior they witnessed in the video. Therefore, since that's new and interesting for them, they try to imitate.

To conlude, although there are some good impacts for violance content. I would argue the impact on the hardness in media too serious to society, it will be upgrade violance in society.
Mimi07   
Apr 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The chart shows the changes that took place in three different areas [7]

Hi Aini, it's pleasure to read your writing because it's simple. Let me give you some suggestions to improve your writing skill.

In the second paragraph you don't need try to mention all of the number, it's better to give more interesting data.

Then, it is better to mention:

'Car theft was the most highest crime in the beginning of the period but between 2006 and 2012 burglary was very high crime among others.'

Regards
Mimi07   
Apr 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 1: Extended facilities in a college are demonstrated in the map. [3]

Extended facilities in college are demonstrated in the map. The most noticeable change is the plan of facilities that will be build beside the river Thames and cit clearly shows a few facilities on this college.

To begin, there are several major educational facilities in front of the Thames river and this college behind the motorway. Lecture hall will be build beside the river on the main college building and the left side of entrance . After that, next to the river shall be constructed faculty offices with rectangular model. A sport complex with rectangular design would develop in car park area, this building will be seen in the right when enter to the college. That design plan presents semi circle model for a library or resource center between faculty offices and sport complex.

In the opposite of the building shows the design of two buildings for students in college. Resident accomodation is the biggest proposed facilities behind thames river. Next to that building, it can be seen studion union with square model. Subsequently, the map reveals a new footbridge crossing the river. The foobridge will be placed facing the entrance of college.




Mimi07   
Apr 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 1: The process of milk making on some dairy products such as cheese, cream, butter and milk [5]

The process of milk making on some dairy products such as cheese, cream, butter and milk is showed in the diagram. Although the first five stages are similar for both products, it reveals that the process of making differs in the final stage which can be consume be many kind of product.

First, the cows graze in the field and hoped can produce much milk. After that, the cows go to the milking machine twice a day to be milk. Of course after that the cows return to the field. Then, the milk is stored in refrigerator. Following this, the milk is delivered every day to dairy in order to have further process. This is where the process diverges. The milk is sterilized and stored into the bottles. Having been packed, the bottle of milk are then labled and it can delivered to many shops. Then, the milk is ready to sale in supermarket and shops. Turning to other product by different stage it can also be prosessed in dairy and be another product and ready to consumption like cheese, cream, and butter.
Mimi07   
Apr 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Multiple Data Sets in Pie Chart and in Bar Chart [3]

Hi Tria, i will give you some suggestion

during the period -- there is no time describe in pie chart
that public becomes a major one. -- it would be better if you write: the most popular complaint is in public.
than other - then the others

I hope it will be useful for you.
Mimi07   
Apr 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - Some alteration in Queen Mary Hospital [3]

Hi Ester, you have a good style in writing, please allow me to give you some suggestion

The diagrams below -- 'diagram'
Overall - overall,
Overall there were most -- overall, the most
change is the replacement-- was
At the beginning, in 1960 -- choose at the beginning or in 1960
there were shopping center and farmland on the left side and there were hospital
has been built-- had been built
has been established-- had
become bigger-- became
look like -- look at
has also altered- had been
Mimi07   
Apr 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 1: spending income on three fast food categories in 1990 [4]

The UK spending income on three fast food categories in 1990 is presented in bar chart and the line chart measures expenditure on fast food by income group between 1970 and 1990. Both categorised by hamburger, fish and chips, and pizza. It is noticeable that expenditure on hamburger and pizza dropped significantly while expenditure on fish and chips fluctuates. Then, expenditure on hamburger breaks the record as the highest favourite fast food among others except low income. It can also seen during 20 years expenditure in hamburger and fish and chips rose significantly while expenditure in pizza dropped dramatically.

In 1990, spending on hamburger and pizza presented a rise significant but on the other hand expenditure on fish and chips was changeable. After that, expenditure on hamburger witnessed dominant categories in the high income (around 42%) and average income while fish and chips was the highest expenditure on fast food in low income. Interestingly fish and chips has the same number on high and low income, at 17%.

Beside that, hamburger and fish and chips increase dramatically from 1970 to 1990. However, pizza fell significantly during the period. In the early period, pizza revealed as the most favourite in expenditure income on fast food that over 300, yet pizza became very low expenditure income between 1985 and 1990. Next, the most popular in the end of period was fish and chips.




Mimi07   
Apr 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The map shows the proposed reconstruction of a college in 2020. [3]

Hi Nabila, your writing is good bu it will be perfect if you correct some information in your writing. I try to give you some suggestion.

Later on, there are significant changes that have been done in 2020. i think in the map there is no information about this, so it will be good if you reduce this information.

In the second and third paragraph, I found a missing information, such as:
- this college behind the motorway
- a sport complex with rectanguler design would develop in car park area, this building will be seen in the right when enter to the college.
Mimi07   
Apr 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 1: Differences coal consumption among four sector in UK from 1975 to 2000 [4]

Coal consumption divided into four sectors in UK between 1975 and 2000 can be seen in the table. Units are measured in millions tonnes. It is important to note that figure for coal consumption showed downward trend for all the sectors. In contrast, services was very low coal consumption among others.

During 25 years, the was a dramatic fall in the coal consumption. However, power stations broke the record as the highest coal consumption, at 89,6 millions tonnes among others . Domestic and industri were fairly similar coal usage over the period. In the early term presented domestic the second most coal consumption but in 2000 showed industry (3,2 millions tonnes) was higher coal consumption then domestic.

In contrast, services until the end period described the lowest coal consumption. There witnessed a sharp fall in the number of coal consumption over the period. In 2000 number for coal consumption is only 0,6 millions tonnes. Finally, all of coal consumption for four sectors in 2000 showed nearly a half from 1975.