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[Application essay]Dream to study abroad ...

10 - Hello! I want to suggest cutting out this first paragraph. It is not because your insights are not good;...

Undergraduateyin - Dec 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2009
UC essay- Learn form your mistakes

3 - This turned out to be o One of my biggest strengths turns out to be the ability to make...

Undergraduatefizzle138 - Dec 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2009
Interesting and to the point? UWisc,madison essay

3 - What did you mean about giving tuition for other students? Did you mean tutoring? I think it looks nicer...

UndergraduateISer0909 - Dec 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2009
Political Conflict in Bangladesh-Macaulay Honors Admission Essay

3 - Hope I am not too late: Joltingjolted awake, I quickly opened (...) to catch a glimpse of what?...

Undergraduateamitdeb92 - Dec 14, 2009Princess Daisy - Dec 15, 2009
Vice President of the student government program

4 - thanks alot. the prompt was just to write a personal statement . So i decided to write about the...

Undergraduatebigdaddy - Dec 14, 2009bigdaddy - Dec 15, 2009
"Plain and Brown" - about a topic of my choice. how my country helped me change

6 - Rowa I love your essay; I think you have a remarkable conclusion. The last paragraph has a lot...

UndergraduateRowa - Dec 1, 2009Princess Daisy - Dec 15, 2009
A sigificant experience - hoping that my stutter would disappear

5 - actually, they do...if tho they don't say it blatantly it all depends on your overall app. Smit...

Undergraduatebirzhanfm - Dec 15, 2009yang - Dec 15, 2009
Why I want to attend Brandeis

3 - I don't know if "come to grips with" is the right phrase. Doesn't it mean something like "cope...

Writing FeedbackIntlIndian - Dec 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2009
My UCAS Statement of Purpose- political science and international relations

3 - As a way of being respectful to the dead, you might want to say "affected me as deeply" instead...

UndergraduateIntlIndian - Dec 13, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2009
Helpful suggestions needed for essay- Carpe Diem

14 - These are good examples, by the way, good choices. Yes, this is great introspection. maybe premature...

Undergraduateibtessam - Nov 9, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2009
Kermit the Frog lamented that it's not easy being green. Do you agree?

4 - Very clever! Hey, I think you ought to leave the ending alone, because it fits perfectly with the...

Writing Feedbackkeilinger - Dec 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2009
Why engineering-an experience that sparked your interest in engineering

6 - My interest in engineering environmental engineering actually comes from my experiences of a river near the house where I...

Undergraduateyf8651 - Dec 11, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2009
Research and independence essay- include an abstract or summary of your work

3 - Right here, you should not use a capitalletter after a semi-colon: Factories side by side occupy the space that...

Undergraduatetiger6 - Dec 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 15, 2009
essay of Umich: cultural, intellectual and social differences

8 - jzh110jzh110 no, i didnt. it has word limit. i can't elaborate many things. and tbh i dont know calligraphy...

Writing FeedbackChristie - Dec 9, 2009Christie - Dec 15, 2009
Review of an essay for joint BA/MA degree at Monterey Institute of Intl. Studies

4 - Hi Jason, I managed to review the statement after your review. It reads better. See the few changes...

Graduatejasonshah1989 - Nov 30, 2009Fidelis - Dec 15, 2009
Stanford Essay : Stars live and they die.

6 - Yea haha. Well what i was going for the change is that the community on catalina is very small...

Undergraduateschmevie - Dec 14, 2009schmevie - Dec 14, 2009
"She was a 7lb 11oz bundle of joy" - UT admission essay number 1

22 - yea...that's kinda the problem because it was done so quickly, and so blatantly (sry for the word,...

Undergraduateemma41192 - Dec 6, 2009yang - Dec 14, 2009
Common Application Long Answer : Changes - Operation Smile Vietnam

2 - "ates, I learned that I took it upon myself to establish a new extracurricular club in memory of those...

Undergraduatenagaking - Dec 14, 2009mrgzg1 - Dec 14, 2009
The Heroin Diaries: The Life after Death of Nikki Sixx

NEW - The Heroin Diaries: The Life after Death of Nikki Sixx By Joe Brown Few books are so raw...

Book Reportskarmacode89 - Dec 14, 2009 -
Cornell University -- Why Engineering?

6 - Yeah sure you did. Keep up:)...

Undergraduatejjeff - Dec 13, 2009ruzhang143 - Dec 14, 2009
"Why did you choose to apply to UCF?" Essay for admission.

6 - I don't think you should start with the same question that they asked you. Try using a different question...

UndergraduatePatelJ - Dec 10, 2009amitdeb92 - Dec 14, 2009
Toefl ; I agree that MONEY is the most important aspect of a job!

4 - They have to make money allowances necessary for the children. They need to give allowance to their children. ...

Writing FeedbackKeng - Dec 13, 2009mr_turtle - Dec 14, 2009
"Checkmate!" Shogi, or Chinese Chess Common App Essay!

4 - Ah, thank you! And thanks for returning the favor, ethelion. It might not seem bad because it went...

Undergraduatehjungj21o - Dec 14, 2009hjungj21o - Dec 14, 2009
How my experiences working in a rehabilitation center had a great impact on me.

3 - Thank you so much!...

Undergraduategaga100 - Dec 13, 2009gaga100 - Dec 14, 2009
Statement of Purpose for MFA in New Media at University of Illinois

5 - Thanks I typed up a second draft with the suggestions....

Undergraduatetheirskills - Dec 11, 2009theirskills - Dec 14, 2009
Being the captain for my school's soccer team - elaborate on one of your activities

3 - I am not involved in every club in my school; however, I have great passion for soccer soccer team...

Undergraduatesighcollegeapps - Dec 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 14, 2009
Statements describing research interest and why this CS PhD program (Feedback)

2 - This sentence is so long it gets very confusing; Among the seven grand challenges identified by British Computer...

Graduatebuet2059 - Dec 13, 2009EF_Susan - Dec 14, 2009
Geerd Diercksen, Essay A: some one who has made an impact in your life

7 - Naniella, I sure do think they will appreciate you despite grammatical errors. It is so impressive for you...

UndergraduateNaniella09 - Dec 10, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 14, 2009
Term paper on appearance vs. reality

3 - This first paragraph starts in an interesting way, but before you start quoting the prologue, you should introduce...

Writing Feedbackstudent32 - Dec 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 14, 2009
Brown University Supplemental: Influence or Inspiration

2 - I stared at this for a long time before I could figure out what I wanted to say about...

Undergraduateallathlete5 - Dec 12, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 14, 2009
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