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How can i make my fsu essay more WOW-ing?

3 - Why? And this is the main problem I see with the essay. You list a lot of...

UndergraduateBr00ke - Oct 8, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 9, 2009
Application statement engineer (avionics)

6 - Here I am again :-) without disregarding l3goals12- great job buddy by the way- can someone else please...

UndergraduateCrappy - Oct 5, 2009Crappy - Oct 9, 2009
Essay about young people and economic crisis

2 - Nice, but you have a few grammar errors. I assume, based on your comments to others, that this...

Writing Feedbackghaghayz - Oct 9, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 9, 2009
'too much negativity' - Can someone look over my UT admissions essays? (I know they're cliche)

3 - Also, while you're revising for the vocab, try cutting down your word count by about 30% or so. Cut...

UndergraduateParthMirani - Oct 8, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 9, 2009
globalization and civil-military relations

3 - Thank you stephen for these advices, i'll try to apply them below: Relationship between military and civil has...

Writing Feedbacknacer4444 - Oct 8, 2009nacer4444 - Oct 9, 2009
How to avoid contractions in writing?

11 - I believe it was Churchill who said "That is the sort of nonsense up with which I will...

Grammar, Usagezam614 - Sep 18, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 9, 2009
Wearing my favorite Abercrombie shirt/ App: Experience

3 - 'Surprisingly I was flattered.' You have written well. A little more concentration on describing your personal experience would make...

Undergraduatemarcabundo - Oct 8, 2009hera246 - Oct 9, 2009
FAMU NURSING Admission essay! LOOK OVER IT to make it perfect

2 - The wording is awkward here, and in some other places too. First of all, most of us...

UndergraduateFaith8_88 - Oct 7, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 9, 2009
my motivations and aspirations for going to NJCU essay

3 - I had to write similar essay for my MA. The draft in in this forum. You can search for...

Undergraduatejt213 - Oct 8, 2009qudos - Oct 8, 2009
U of Michigan- LSA Essay

3 - I think your introduction is great, because it both draws me in as a reader and shows me that...

UndergraduateDJBruce - Sep 29, 2009Jeanine - Oct 8, 2009
The lack educational programs in UAE

3 - thanks for the feedback that helped me alot...

Writing Feedbacksada7 - Oct 7, 2009sada7 - Oct 8, 2009
The tell tale heart by A. Poe - story comment

5 - Ok. Got it. The first third of the first page is your introduction. Talk about how people sometimes...

Writing Feedbacklmwilson - Oct 7, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 8, 2009
"make a business successful" - UC Personal Statement!

3 - First off, thanks for taking the time to read my essay. The feedback is greatly appreciated. This is actually...

UndergraduateOliverInsixieng - Oct 7, 2009OliverInsixieng - Oct 8, 2009
There two main kinds of justice in our life; Justice (English 1)

4 - You might also want to examine the definition of justice in a bit more detail in your introduction, too,...

Writing Feedbacktuvshe - Oct 7, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 8, 2009
Jamaican in Japan (First Draft)

5 - Revised As I approached the one year mark as a participant of the Japan Exchange and Teaching (JET)...

GraduateNikkiB - Sep 4, 2009NikkiB - Oct 8, 2009
Common App - Biotechnology and Agriculture

2 - As you point out, the essay is a good opinion piece, but you do not talk very much about...

Undergraduatebam1992 - Oct 6, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 8, 2009
Competitive sports have no place in the school curriculum. You agree or disagree

2 - What, you mean no one could point out that many sports are quite dangerous and can routinely result...

Writing Feedbacklotus - Oct 7, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 8, 2009
Summary Paper and reflection on "Superman and me" story

3 - Hey thanks a lot, I understand what you are saying, My transitions do need to be more clearly. I...

Writing FeedbackJoeyson - Oct 7, 2009Joeyson - Oct 7, 2009
The Latin word "Mores" figuratively represents the glue that holds me together

4 - hey thanks you guys i really appreciate your advice well here is what i got so far its a...

UndergraduateTheMig - Oct 6, 2009TheMig - Oct 7, 2009
tulane essay, rough and needs critique!

2 - Nope. That's not going to work. In fact, I have some serious reservations about the whole essay....

Undergraduatetaytortot1209 - Oct 6, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 7, 2009
UPenn: Page 217 of Autobiography starts with an incomplete sentence

2 - What do you want this essay to say about you? You need to pick a quality that you want...

Undergraduatemarcabundo - Oct 7, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 7, 2009
"track and cross country" - another fsu Vires, Artes, Mores essay

2 - I don't care. Pick something and start talking about it instead of opening with this. Great....

Undergraduatethebluehippo - Oct 7, 2009EF_Sean - Oct 7, 2009
comparing two short stories for english, the lottery and the most dangerous game

3 - Carrie, you make very intelligent comments. I like that. And you're right here. Start broadly. For example, I...

Book Reportsmxracer247 - Oct 6, 2009EF_Stephen - Oct 7, 2009
Essays about meaningful life experience and family influence - FAMU admission

2 - Prompt : Describe an activity... Your essay should show HOW you became the valedictorian for your elem class....

UndergraduateSxmBeauty - Oct 7, 2009marcabundo - Oct 7, 2009
Kumdo Tournament - 'final, tiebreaking point' - a personal contribution or experience

2 - Nice essay, but the title of it does not seem to be clear which might cause readers to get...

Undergraduatexxgraceanxx - Oct 7, 2009SxmBeauty - Oct 7, 2009
Common Application Essay - Holden Caulfield

12 - Yeah, my teacher checked it and pointed it out very clearly that he doesn't. Thanks thogh!...

UndergraduateBoNyKiD07 - Oct 4, 2009BoNyKiD07 - Oct 7, 2009
'accidental discovery of Boston Univ. was through a popular college guide' - BU

2 - "...winters, save your cookies or get a scholarship , and try to..." "I visited BU this past September....

Undergraduatevickaay - Oct 7, 2009coalerz - Oct 7, 2009
'made $20,000 through various websites' - Common App Essay for top Universities

2 - Thank you for the suggestions on my essay! They were really helpful. I think this is a really...

Undergraduatetheicfire - Oct 6, 2009blacks - Oct 7, 2009
'I thought about my Grandma' - My Big Setback- University of Michigan Essay

4 - Ok, I had another person revise it and they said basically the same thing, and that I need to...

Undergraduatedanderson2692 - Oct 4, 2009danderson2692 - Oct 7, 2009
topics for research in corporate social responsibility & Employee relations

5 - Dear sir, You questions are awesome and gives an initiation of further research. I would request you to...

Research Papersviveksmrt - Oct 5, 2009viveksmrt - Oct 7, 2009
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