Writing Feedback / IELTS: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration [2]

The essay is well developed for the most part. The paragraphs connect well from the restatement + opinion, first reasoning paragraph, and second reasoning paragraph. However, the second reasoning paragraph lacks a balanced presentation when compared to the first explanation presented. Where the first reason was properly supported by a strong thesis, applicable supporting examples, and relevant explanations, the second paragraph did not completely deliver in the same manner.

When one is trying to make a valid point, the discussion should have a razor sharp focus on a single, strong basis. The dual topic discussion created a less than well-developed like of reasoning. The first topic, while valid, is too brief in reasoning development. The second topic, connects better to the previous discussion and has a more solid explanation. It creates a comparative discussion that remains true to the writer's opinion statement.

Finally, the concluding summary needs more work. A proper recap of the topic , opinion, and final supporting reasons would have closed the essay on the strongest possible note.

Writing Feedback / There are some main causes, effects, and measures of the childhood obesity problem [3]

The causes and solution thesis does not have a proper representation in the first paragraph. For task accuracy scores, the writer must present 2 discussion topics each for the causes, effects, and solutions. A restatement of the discussion instructions will be considered non-responses and will not recieve a score. The writer has limited the base score consideration of his essay by not providing a clear, topic based discussion outline.

Opinions presented must be convincingly strong to achieve favorable marks. The use of uncertain words such as "might" reduces the strength of opinion in presentation. The integrity of the paragraph presentation is compromised as the writer is seen as being unable to accurately support his opinion from a convincing standpoint. Since the causes paragraph is the basis of the effects and solution discussions, this must be the strongest paragraph presented as an opinion statement.

The conclusion could be more convincing if a reverse paraphrase is used and at least 3 sentences are used to drive home the writer's point.

Writing Feedback / Exploiting remote natural locations for tourism [3]

Do not over-discuss the essay. This often results in paragraphs that have second and third under-developed discussion topics in a single paragraph. This type of discussion normally does better when a single reason is presented and fully explained. Do not expect to score better based on number of reasons presented. That type of presentation instead guarantees the lowest C + C score possible. Over discussion does not increase your score. Instead, it increases the possible scoring deductions.

The requirement for this essay negates the need for research. So, a 1999 newspaper article will add to the deductions since it research based rather than personal or public knowledge. Research lines are cut off at the testing center. That is why the information sources are specified in the practice tests. Do not research.

The writer understandh the topic and data requirements but is trying too hard to make an impression on the examiner. That could have a detrimental result.

Writing Feedback / Large companies sponsor major sports events in order to advertise their products [2]

The writer has not responded to the essay based on prompt requirements. There is no apparent response to the question: " To what extent do you ague or disagree?". The provided opinion instead states, "it is advantageous for them and the sports". As far as the relationship of the response to the question, it is evident that there is none.The writer has created a totally different discussion opinion focus. Such a presentation will have difficulties in achieving a passing score as the response opinion fails to present a connection or relevance to the s instruction. The essay has already failed from the first paragraph presentation. The length of the essay is useless since the writer has already shown a failure to understand English writing instructions based on prompts provided.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - the transformation about the road which leads to the City Hospital [2]

The explanation is difficult to follow. The writer does not successfully inform the reader as to how the place looked in 2007, then in 2010. The description should have used 2 clearly separated ( by year) paragraphs. Describe the original in the first paragraph, avoiding any references to changes first. The changes comparison may be inserted into the 2010 paragraph instead since the requirement for that paragraph is based on an image comparison presentation.

Comparison image reports rely on the clarity and seperation of discussions. The writer tried to rush through the report by compressing as much comparisons as he could into every paragraph. Confusing descriptions and grammar problems created severe scoring deductions. Not everything in a task 1 essay can be presented in short form. Make an effort to limit scoring deductions.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer [6]

The paraphrase for this would have been an acceptable 2 sentences. The first half was an unrequired personal opinion presentation. It is important that the writer does not add information in this section as it deducts from the accuracy of the interpretation.

The essay was off to a fantastic reasoning presentation in support of the writer's opinion. It was coherent and relevant. Then, the discussion cohesion was lost in the 2nd paragraph as the first sentence failed to create a connected discussion transition in a relevant manner from the first paragraph to the second paragraph topic.

The second topic no longer related to books in connection with the presented topic. The writer should have discussed how books and reading books can prevent there sorts of problems. The main discussion point must always remain the focus of the paragraph.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Process- Sugar production from the sugar cane. [5]

The writer has misidentified the image as a graph. It is actually a procedural image presentation or instructional process outline. A graph pertains to numerical measurements. The task does not require that as it focuses on instructional reporting instead.

There is a missing trending statement as well. The first part of the instructional process cannot be used as the trending statement. The essay should present the creation of sugar as a 3 stage process comprised of 8 steps. This would have been presented in a more accurate manner, had the proper paragraph content presentations been met. The writer basically skipped the first half of the presentation requirement by misusing the information for that section in the trending section.

Writing Feedback / Task 2: positives or not about computer technology is more and more easily accessible and cheaper [2]

The provided position statement of the writer is meant for a different discussion prompt. The advantage or disadvantage format is not used in this instance because the question relates to the positive or negative contributions of the topic. The writer confused the response formats and ended up delivering a non-responsive opinion instead. To be very clear, this is nota pro or con discussion either. The response format should have been:

Based on the preceding considerations I would have to say these information pose a negative development for those concerned.

At these point 2 negative reasons should be fully explained in the 2 reasoning paragraphs. What are the negative reasons?
- Lack of social interaction
- Additional personal expenses for both students and employees

There should not be any alternate reasons presented in any paragraph because this is not a comparative essay. It is the presence of the comparison in each paragraph that weakened a discussion presentation that could have saved the score of this essay in the end. The student must learn to identify the difference between comparison and single opinion discussion prompts to successfully develop relevant responses.

Writing Feedback / Many people go to university for academic study. More people should be encouraged to do vocational. [2]

The writer must never include a personal opinion when restating the prompt. There should not be any claims made pertaining to the truth of any statement because that will change the discussion presentation and alter the purpose of the discussion. This creates a seperation from the original prompt that would lower the score due to non-compliant paraphrasing. This is the end result of the first sentence in the first paragraph sentence presentation. Interpret the prompt as close as possible to the original without changing the original intent of the presentation. It must be pointed out though that the opinion thesis in the same paragraph accurately responds to the question.

Proofreading is a requirement prior to the submission of any task. While the discussion is on point, the grammar issues in relation to word capitalization and punctuation mark usage will cost the writer serious deductions. As a reminder the first word of every new sentence/ paragraph is always capitalized. Ellipses, though creative and dramatic in function, is not used in formal academic writing. Finally, 2 punctuation macks cannot be used simultaneously in one sentence. Only one or the other can be used. Double punctuation usage is a very serious grammatical evor that shows a lack of English writing rules familiarity.

The reverse paraphrase for the conclusion is also improperly - presented as it lacks a s of 40 words or 2-5 sentences, whichever comes first.

Writing Feedback / Task 1: the percentage of UK population following the radio and television (October-December 1992) [4]

The data presented includes false information about the measurement lbasis. The image and short report provided never indicated the inclusion of teenagers in the report. Regardless, the witten report makes several mentions of teenagers as a measurement basis or consideration. The essay is not task accurate due to this false information inclusion. Rather than specifically mentioning teenagers, a general non-age identifying population reference should have been used.

Image identification is inaccurate as well. Task 1 essays all have "figures" provided. It is the type of image that must be properly identified ( line graph, bar chart pie chart, instructional illustration...). The task fulfillment of this report is really problematic and could very well cause a failing score.

Writing Feedback / The ratio of men and women teachers in six distinct levels of educational institutions in the UK [4]

The writer has a problem with proper word placement and usage in the reporting paragraphs and summary overview. While these presentation problems could be ordinarily overlooked, the GRA considerations will not allow the examiner to do so. The student should increase his sentence writing exercises to improve his sentence presentation skills.

Writing skills in terms of varied punctuation usage is highly limited. While the comma is the easiest other punctuation mark to use, the other being the period, the writer should review other possible ways of presenting the information. There are many business reports online that could help the writer familiarize . himself with various reporting methods.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS WRITING TASK 2] - controversy surrounding the equalization of gender in tertiary education [3]

The question asked pertains to student ratio, not rate of academic success. The response is not applicable to the stated discussion foundation. Had the writer properly structured the response to indicate a strong agreement with gender ratio acceptance first, then used academic success ratio as the reason, then the response would have been highly rated intums of relevance to the topic.

The discussion does not focus on academic and gender equality. Topics presented are rather inclined to support more female rather than an equal ratio of acceptance to men. The reasoning paragraphs oppose the provided extent opinion.This will leave the reader confused and also blur the actual opinion presentation to the point where the essay will be deemed non- cohesive in discussion approach. The opinion is not properly supported nor justified.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2- Nowadays more tasks at home and work are being performed by robots. [3]

The flowery word usage does not respond correctly to the question asked. Direct opinion statements will help deliver a clear and topic connected opinion The response presentation altered the discussion topic format.

O Q: IS THIS A NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE DEVELOPMENT?
Response: ...certain resulting problems should be taken into sober consideration.

Rather than delivering a positive or negative response, the writer created a benefits and disadvantages discussion. That approach does not relate to the question being asked. The response does not connect with the question properly. The writer created a totally disconnected discussion prompt of his own.

The essay, due to the altered discussion response and format will recieve a failing score based mostly on an unrelated prompt response.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS task 2] Discuss both views and give opinion about spend money on improving transport [3]

Focus on the discussion instruction in totality. Do not focus on the last part of the discussion. It is the incorrect understanding of the discussion requirements that forced the error in the presentation. There are a series of significant errors that will force the failure of this essay. The errors are:

- Incorrect paraphrase (there should be 2 public topics present aside from the personal opinion )
- Error in response format. Reasoning paragraphs fail to explain the reason behind each public opinion. One per paragraph aside from the personal opinion.
- Public opinions lack supporting comparative discussions using appropriate pronouns.
- Lack of reverse paraphrase in the concluding summary.

The writer chose which aspect of the prompt he believed he could discuss best and used that. He changed the discussion instructions. Inability to follow instructions will result in a failing score.

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2: LEISURE TIME; activities that improve the mind, or another - to rest the mind [3]

The instruction asks you to provide an agreement with one of the 2 opinions after discussing the public supportfor each opinion. The essay does not properly identify the public . explanations in the discussion. There are all leased on a personal . which means it will fail the test. To properly discuss this topic the writer must use 3 explanatory paragraphs covering 3rd pronoun and 1st person discussions of:

Paragraph 2: Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind

Paragraph 3: Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time

Paragraph 4: The side the writer agrees with / personal opinion

For a total of 5 paragraphs. The personal opinion should use a comparative discussion form to show an analysis of both public opinions and how it influenced the writer's choice. The formula:

Public opinion 1 ÷ Public Opinion 2 = Personal opinion

should be used in the analytical discussion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - The bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major categories [4]

The writer has confused the time allowances for the Task1 and Task 2 essays. The task 1 essay has a 20 minute allotment, covering 150-200 words. The writer has provided a discussion that requires a 40 minute allowance, a task 2 essay criteria. The writer needs to be reminded that a task 1 essay is based on short but clearly explained paragraphs.The score is based on summary efficiency, not the number of words written. The clear brevity of the essay recieves good score. An overly long essay does not.

The summary overview is confusing. Money is referred to in "amount spent" not "number of money spent". There are no clear listing references in relation to the significant measurement sources. The trending statement does not offer relevant information in relation to data sources.The writer did not consider the audience target of the presentation. All the sentences are over worded. These could have used a shorter presentation.

Writing Feedback / Are management and leadership different? [2]

Steve Jobs wore 2 hats when he was still alive and a part of the Apple corporation. He was both the leader and manager of the corporation. He developed products and was the head of each product development team. He also directed the development path of the company as its leader. He is not the correct example to use in this essay due to the multiple hats that he wore within the corporation.

The writer seems to have forgotten that Mr. Jobs has been dead for several years. He continues to address-the person as if still living in this presentation. The tense usage is off. The essay does not deliver a clear definition of leadership and management as seperate areas in a company. It is only focused on a discussion regarding Steve Jobs. It does not deliver the writing requirements. There is a clear demarcation between leadership and management that did not bust at Apple during the time of its founder.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay Music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. [2]

The opinion statement is only partially correct. The thesis tells the examiner of the writers opinion, that partially addresses the discussion requirement. There is a missing element in the response.There is no measurement or degree of opinion presented. While the emotion based on logic is present in the paragraph, it did not clearly represent the required emotional response in the correct manner (e.g. I strongly, partially). Since the response opinion is somewhat correct/related to the discussion, a score will still be provided for this section. Just not at a high basis preliminary score.

The secondary reasoning did not support the previous opinion. It created a disconnected discussion flow between the paragraphs as it does not provide a 2nd supporting opinion in the single point of view manner required. This created a semi- responsive presentation with scoring only partially applied based on discussion opinion relevance. The writer can only create a fully developed discussion by solidifying his opinion evidence and not altering his opinion in any discussion part.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing Task 2 (University students are increasingly studying abroad as part of their studies) [2]

The writer has neglected to restate the original topic in a manner similar to the original discussion. Rather than presenting a prompt restatement, the essayist began the discussion in the incorrect paragraph. The student must never present his personal discussion in this section. Only an explanation of the original topic and a thesis statement should be provided in this section. The discussion presented altered the original topic focus although the discussion pattern was retained for the opinion presentation.

Reasoning paragraph 1 was a very strong explanation in support of the opinion of the author. It showed a direct benefit as experienced by the student ata specific time in his life. This set the tone for the rest of the discussion. The problem is that instead of giving a similar representation by presenting a drawback as an advantage, as required by the discussion, the writer suddenly went into a full blown comparative discussion, instead of partial comparative discussion. This means that the paragraph strayed from the single opinion discussion instruction of the discussion prompt. This paragraph will not be considered for scoring as it became irrelevant to the opinion presented. The essay will only be given a partial score for a partially relevant discussion.

Graduate / Electrical engineering - SOP for graduate school computer science [2]

The problem is that you wrote a personal statement, showing the growth of your interest in Computer science rather than a purpose that pistiffies a change in career. The statement of purpose must reflect a believable desire to shift jobs owing to a personal need for career fulfillment and a desire to see a professional growth that cannot be achieved under the current career path.

Since your master's will be research based, the focus on relevant work training and experience can take the place of an undergraduate degree. Focus on that, forget explaining about the parental mentor. Discuss how you found yourself unwillingly on this career path based on work experience and how it influenced the career change. connect the change with a related s year career plan for the purpose and the result should be a research focused or other type of related career change purpose.

Writing Feedback / If I could meet anyone in history, I would like to meet Steve Jobs. [3]

The writer did not inform me as to whether this was written as an English writing exercise or as a college application response statement. The topic for discussion is normally used as an application prompt for college. I'll treat it as the latter for this review for proper review purposes.

It appears that the writer does not know anything about Steve Jobs beyond what he heard about the person from other people. The impression was not created based on data from actual learning such as books, interviews, accomplishment details and the like. The reason used by the writer is shallow and without a true personal connection to the subject.

A better response would have been developed if the writer had chosen a true role model. One he has a personal interest in and whose influence in his life can be proven through relevant evidence through actions or accomplishments of the writer.

Writing Feedback / Spending money on existing public transport or constructing new railway lines for very fast trains? [3]

The writer has word usage issues in the presentation. compulsory has a far different meaning from necessary:

Necessary - Adjective; being essential, indispensable, or requisite
Compulsory - Adjective ; required; mandatory; obligatory:

The writer must familiarize himself with synonyms in order to use alternative words of the same meaning in his writing. Misuse of words create 2 counts of scoring deductions based on the scoring criteria.

The essay is incomplete and cannot be considered for a passing score for 2 reasons:

1. The personal opinion paragraph lacks a complete discussion development. It lacks supporting examples and additional supporting details in relation to the sample.

2. There is no concluding summary /reverse paraphrase presentation. The essay is open-ended.

Writing Feedback / The graph below shows information about US government spending on research between 1980 and 2008 [2]

For comparison measurements, the writer will do well to use any of the following comparison standards:

- Year on year
- Decade to decade (every 10 years)
- Quarter Year to Quarter year (every 25 years)
- half century to half century (every 50 years)
- Century to century ( every 100 years)

These are the average comparison cutoffs used for data analysis as it tends to use the most similar measuring criteria for analytical purposes. It is more difficult to create a believable comparison point for 24 years.

Avoid compressing different categories and sectors into one sentence. This is considered a run-on sentences a grammatical error. It is best to use the 3rd comparison point as a seperate presentation for clarity purposes. Use 3-5 sentences per paragraph for the sake of reader understanding.

The presentation format is acceptable. save for some run- on instances, the comparison discussions are easy to follow. Simple data analysis are constantIy portrayed throughout the presentations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - opinion: whether the personality we re born with or life experience matter more [2]

The writer has written an opinion article instead of a task 2 response essay. The essay is clearly over-witten at 364 words, a number that cannot be completed within 40 minutes diving the actual test. The writer is advised to use a timer set to 40 minutes during his next practice test. The writer must be able to explain himself clearly within 3-5 sentences per paragraph.No more, no less to limit scoring errors and forced deductions.

The writer, after presenting his opinion in the last sentence of the introduction should have stated his 1 supporting reasons to clarify his , rather than simply repeating a general discussion instruction. The former increases the score while the latter, has no scoring consideration at all since it fails to add clarity to the presented opinion.

The writer presented evidence of not being able to follow information source instructions by providing data from the APA, along with statistics. This type of information does not fall under personal knowledge, personal experience, or public knowledge. Made up information is acceptable provided it does not refer to any source material.

Research will not be available to the student at the LAN locked computers of the testing center. The writer should not get used to researching during the practice rounds because of this reason.

Writing Feedback / Information: sharing information freely for scientific research [3]

The essay is jumping from one topic coverage to another. The lack of focused discussion throughout makes the essay confusing to follow and difficult to remember. The writer had a difficult time representing the 3 topics with clarity in the paraphrase. Without the specific fields in synonyou fform, it appears that the discussion represents social media, which it should not.

Reasoning paragraphs also lack the proper collective discussion needs. The error forced an incoherent and non-cohesive discussion approach. The essay failed in its efforts to discuss both points of view and present an opinion The writer must familiarize himself with the proper response format for this task before attempting to complete another response task of this kind.

Writing Feedback / Tourism: if we should ban tourism [2]

The writer misrepresented the opposing discussion in the restatement. There is a fictitious reason provided for the opposition to tourism. The writer has the authority to make up reasonin the reasoning paragraphs. He does not have that liberty in the paraphrased paragraph. The author has altered thetopic and will recieve deductions for it.

The writer does a good job at explaining the public opinion for the first reason. The second reasoning paragraph failed to identify itself as a group opinion explanation. This can be seen as personal opinion due toa lack of proper pronoun reference.

The essay does not have a proper conclusion. Merely stating "In conclusion'' but then stating a personal opinion does not create a closed discussion. The personal opinion should be properly presented as the 3rd reasoning paragraph. This is an open ended essay as there is no proper concluding summary of the previous discussion points presented.

Writing Feedback / University places for a large number of youngsters [2]

While the essay is relatively well composed, the tendency of the writer to present a secondary reason in his paragraphs proves to be the weak point of the written presentation. The topic sentences and explanations always come in strong at the start of the paragraph. The explanations create a coherent and well developed discussion. Then, a second reasoning topic is introduced in the paragraph. The second reason is weakly presented and always lacking in terms of strong discussion development. Due to the lackluster presentation of the 2nd discussion point, that portion is rendered lacking in proper discussion development. If a secondary topic cannot strongly relate to the previous discussion presentation, then it should be replaced with a supporting topic or not at all.

For example, in the piust reason, the majority of the discussion relates to distance learning vvia technology. The second reason relates to more physical universities being set-up. A non - requirement under digital education. There is a sudden loss of discussion connection between topics. Either replace the and reasson or remove it due to inrelevance to the previous discussion.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: Pie chart - The pie charts compare the number of owned and rented houses in the UK [2]

When indicating more than one image, specify the number of images. For clarity purposes, identify the images by year representation thereafter. An outline of categories are also required to complete the summary.

The comparison points should be based on the trending statement. Since there are normally 2 points presented inthis section (high and low), The next paragraphs can delve into that discussion with greater detail. Each trend can be fully developed into individual paragraphs to meet the discussion requirements. The writer is free to choose whichever points he wishes to compare. It is the comparison analysis that is scored, regardless of feature discussion choices.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the way media reports the lives of celebrities than others [5]

The essay focuses on television shows such as reality shows and game shows. The discussion focus is incorrect. The media being referred to in the original topic are composed of print and digital media. Newspapers and magazines that report on celebrities.

Report is the keyword in this instance. That is why the discussion content of the essay is wrong. There is no reference to television shows at all. The essay has provided an irrelevant response. That is why the essay will not recieve a passing score.

The writer clearly did not understand the discussion basis and response reference requirements. He understood a part of the prompt. He did not understand that the keywords media and reporting did not relate to television programs.

Writing Feedback / Writing ielts task 2. The advantages and disadvantages of living with others [2]

While the essay may not be grammatically accurate, there are no word choice errors that would affect the LR score negatively. As far as grammar range is concerned, the presentation remained clear in content and meaning to the reader even as sentence presentations Well sometimes improperly structured and presented.

There is no confusion in relation to the paragraph topics. The evidence choices in every paragraph is well explained and properly developed. There is a clear relationship between the paragraph reasoning that will keep the C + C score at a passing level or higher.

The writer wrote a strong opinion paper that never deviated from the discussion focus. This is undoubtedly a passing score presentation.

Undergraduate / Global Korean Scholarship Undergraduate - Food and Nutrition Department [2]

The essay is easy to read but lacking in notable substance. There are no academic achievements of note and the extra curricular activities do not show how you handle obstacles. The situations described are too simplistic to show that the applicant has the degree of maturity required of an overseas scholar.

The family background is one that shows unity and support, but does not discuss the individual relationship the applicant has with parents and siblings. The lack of proper educational background and accomplishments related to academics and the course of interest further weakened the application.

The reference to the K-Pop and Hallyu wave must be removed. That is not an academic motivator to choose to study in Korea. Language proficiency references should be discussed in the language study plan instead.

The essay presented is not attention grabbing due to lack of significant accomplishments and course major related activities that show the growth of this interest towards a profession for the applicant. The student needs to revise the essay to make it more interesting. The addition of career related influencers in the presentation may help. Academic accomplishments or personal achievements related to the course choice would be a big boost to the application essay content.

Writing Feedback / The rise of fuel price is one of the most effective ways to protect the environment [2]

The introduction paraphrase needs to be better presented. The discussion should be divided into at least 3 sentences. The use of the comma in this presentation is incorrect as the writer created a run-on presentation, which should be avoided in all academic paper presentations. The paraphrasing paragraph depicts the ability of the writer to explain what he understood of the original prompt in the clearest and most concise manner. The run-on presentation fails to accomplish that. Consider that an acadmeic paragraph needs at least 3, but no more than 5 sentences to accomplish this task and the writer should be clear as to why a run-on sentence is not going to be helpful to his TA and GRA scores. These observations are important and must be noted by the writer as this error removed the strong scoring poptential of his relevant opinion in the statement.

The essay is underdeveloped because the second paragraph deviates from the supporting element requirement presentation for the writer's opionion. The essay is not asking the writer to justifify the benefits and drawback of the higher cost of petrol. Rather, it is asking the writer to justify the opinion that was presented by offering an economic and personal reason in relation to his agreement with the provided opinion. The economic aspect was an acceptable discussion but there was no expanded discussion or a related opinion in the second paragraph, a requirement for this type of essay presentation.

As the essay is only partly correct in presentation, it will also receive a partial score based on the related discussion points. Anything irrelevant to the personal opinion will not be considered and will not recieve a score. Therefore, the writer may receive a low passing score for this essay. The prompt requirements must always be completely met, without any discussion alterations in the presentation, to receive full scoring considerations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who pass [3]

As there are now several gender considerations than previously known, it is important that the summary overview be highly specific about this information. Most specially since a clear differentiation of 2 genders was indicated in the actual bar graph image. This is not a matter of being poliiically correct, but a matter of being data accurate when providing information from the image. The trending statement is well developed and presented to be a score increasing part of the summary presentation. There is just a slight error in the year presentation. 1980-2010 is only 3 decades, or a 30 year period. Count the years by groups of 10. The writer indicated a 40 year period. It is an oversight probably caused by to the writer's unfamiliarity with the English langiage or, a miscount on the part part of the writer. Eitherway, it should have been an oversight quickly corrected had a proper review of the draft essay been completed prior to submission.

The paragraphs are completely developed in the sense of a summary presentation. Simple comparisons provided fall within the presentation expectations. The paragraphs are complete and the word count, within acceptable parameteres. The writer did a pretty good job with this presenation. It is clear and concise. Well within the discussion requirements as provided. There is no worry that the the essay will get a failing grade.

Writing Feedback / Zoos are cruel and should be closed down [2]

When assessing how the essay should be written, the writer must consider the number of discussions as indicated in the discussion instruction of the paragraph. the writer must consider:

- How many point of views are provided in the topic? (2)
- How many discussion points are required by the discussion instruction? (3 individual paragraphs)

The writer should be able to come up with the correct number of paragraphs based on the indicated considerations. In this case, there are 2 public opinions for consideration and one personal opinion to be presented. The writer quite possibly misconstrued the discussion points presentation format because of the "personal opinion" portion provided in the discussion instruction.

The two public opinions must allow for a public reasoning consideration first, and a personal opinion second. The writer has to focus on explaining the validity of the publix point of view first, then assess it based upon his personal considerations of that viewpoint discussion. The fomat that the writer could follow is:

Sentence 1: Public opinion topic sentence
Sentence 2: Explanation of the basis of this opinion
Sentence 3: Writer's personal assessment of the public opinion
Sentence 4: Example to support his personal opinion
Sentence 5: Additional supporting statement or transitions entence

It is imoprtant that the writer display gramamr skills in relation to pronoun usage in this type of essay. Not only is that a scoring requirement, but it also helps to add to the advanced writing skills consideration of the writer. The point is, the writer should be able to display a proper comparative opinion based on a two sided discussion ion one paragraph. There was a lack of this vital presentation in the current discussion. The lack of proper formatting indicates that the essay is not based on the indicated reasons per public point of view, but only the writer's assessment of the discussion points.

There is an irrevelant discussion point in the presentation. There is no instruction for the writer to provide a solution to any point of view presented. That is the reason why the essay is longer than it should be. In all honesty, the length of this essay cannot be completed within the 40 minute allottment. The fomat presented above will help the writer meet more than the word requirement and also, present a properly focused paragraph discussion, without any deviations. Deviations do not receive scores and are deducted from the word count.

Word usage is also a problem for this writer who used the word reclined, rather than "inclined" in the presentation. If the writer is not sure of the meaning of a word, or, he just thinks that the word is what he wants to use, then he should refer to a dictionary to make sure as LR errors will add to the possibility of getting a failing score. The writer should do this while he is still doing practice tests as it can help to properly build his English vocabulary, a benefit during the actual test.

Writing Feedback / Is the trends of living alone a positive or a negative development ? [2]

The inclusion of marriage as a discussion reference point in the restatement paragraph has added a personal opinion in the improper place. The prompt paraphrase should not contain a personal opinion unrelated to the original topic. That should not be confused with a direct discussion topic response to a given question. Never start the discussion in the first paragraph.

The writer is successively using 2 punctuation marks in the presentation. Punctuation macks are always used individually as every punctuation mark has a specific purpose in the sentence. 2 punctuation purposes, one after another, cannot be used in any paragraph presentation as it confuses the reader with regards to the purpose and sentiment of the sentence / paragraph and lowers the GRA score.

The writer is not using the correct single opinion response either. The promptis not provided in a manner that requires a comparative presentation. When asked to choose using the word "Or" it is automatically a 2 supporting paragraph presentation. As such, the essay will not score well because the discussion is incomplete. Only the paragraph relevant to the presented opinion in the restatement will be scored. The high word countis useless in terms of scoring because it was irrelevant to the discussion and, did not recieve a score. Rather, its inclusion forced a scoring deduction.

Writing Feedback / The comparison of water usage in different regions: San Diego, California, and the rest of the world [4]

The writer lacks familiarity with the image types. Pie charts are different from graphs and indicate different measurement basis considerations.There is a punctuation usage eror in the 3rd paragraph. A dashline is being used even though it is irrelevant to the discussion presentation. Accurate punctuation usage is a major part of the score. Even if only 1 punctuation ever is spotted, a deduction will be appropriately applied.

There is a confusing presentation in relation to residential water use. It appears as if the writer tried to insert information, resulting in a confusing sentence presentation. It is important not to cram too much data into one sentence because it causes confusion while being read by someone other than the writer.

Writing Feedback / The line chart about people living in Australia who were born in Asia, the UK, and other regions [2]

The task 1 essay should not contain more than 200 words. This is a direct and simple report presentation. This length of writing would eat into the task 2 writing time. keep the task 1 essay concise at all times. The key instruction for this task is "summarize" so keep the paragraphs within a 60 word allotment to meet the instruction standard.

The summary overview should be divided into at least 2 sentencer since there are 2 sets of summarized information to be presented. Seperate sentences are needed to create clarity freaks in the presentation paragraph. The second paragraph also qualifies as a run-on paragraph that would benefitfrom a better sentence structure and presentation.

The writer did well in deciphering the information but needs to learn to write shorter essays with clear information seperation portions.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic writing task 2: The advantages and disadvantages of living in a large city [2]

The essay is almost 400 words. A word count that cannot be presented within 40 minutes if writing within scoring requirements are considered. If the writer had reviewed the essay prompt, he would have seen that the presentation that was developed does not meet all of the prompt requirements The writing instruction needs to discuss the advantage and disadvantage of the topic.

Nowhere in the original presentation was the writer asked to provide an opinion. By offering an opinion in 2 sections of the essay (prompt paraphrase and concluding paraphrase) the essay creates a partial discussion deviation that negatively affects the overall score. The A / D should have been discussed without the writer trying to influence the reader's decision as that was not part of the discussion instruction.

Writing Feedback / Art and music classes should not be mandatory at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? [2]

The essay is well developed and sticks to the discussion basis requirements for the most part. These essays are based on easily accessible information. Base the information on anything but aresearched data reference. There should not be any mention of information sources such as Cambridge University and the results of their research. Always present information like that in a manner that indicates common, rather than researched data. The reason behind that is simple, research cannot be completely verified in 40 minutes and, it changes the presentation requirements from a conversational opinion to a research based task, which is not a taska writing format.

Writing Feedback / A common tendency of self-employment among those who are eager to establish their own companies [4]

The prompt restatement was almost impressive. The presentation perfectly combined The prompt topic and reasoning response in a creative and relevant manner. All that was missing was the disadvantage response topic. The inclusion of that response would have created a highly relevant task response at a maximum scoring consideration. The writer should include all direct response topics next time.

The reasoning paragraphs are relevant and portray simple, connected reasons from one topic to the next in the paragraph. The writer has done a good job in securing a highly rated C + C score. The problem, now lies in the conclusion.

The conclusion forgot to restate the original topic first. It went to a direct summary of the question responses instead. So the reverse paraphrase has a lower TA accuracy when compared to the ffirst presentation.