Scholarship / My responsibility. Kindly assist with review of my Leadership and Influencing Skills essay below [4]

The first paragraph is definitely not necessary in this presentation. Do not deviate from the discussion requirements. Focus solely on the leadership and influencing discussion. The family background does not help to prove your leadership or influencing abilities on a local or national level. Do not present that paragraph as it might turn off the reviewer to read unrelated information. Keep focused. You can open with the second paragraph instead. That sounds more like you are laying out the foundation for your leadership and influencing presentation.

Rather than successfully consulting, you should explain how you influenced these people through your letter writing skills. If possible, use actual interviews to help the reviewer picture how you influence people on a face to face basis. The project discussions should not merely be an overview and summary. It must contain detailed examples of leadership and influencing on your part. As project leader, these examples should not be difficult for you to come by. However, these are sorely missing in this presentation. The lack of these information makes this presentation unworthy of the reviewers time. It can be effectively ignored, ending your quest for the scholarship at this point.

Writing Feedback / Some people argue that spoken communication has more influence than written communication (IELTS 2) [3]

This is an extent essay. You cannot simply agree with the standpoint. There needs to be a degree of emotional or topical dis/agreement. The more appropriate response would be "I strongly dis/agree to the degree that the discussion (offer a topic sentence or two)" or a variation of such a presentation. Use relevant examples. The surgeon example is an over reach. Keep it simple. Do not try to impress the reviewer too much. He will see right through that and it will not help your score.

Your concluding presentation is too short. It has to be at least 40 words or 3-5 sentences. You should present a summary of the previous discussion points. You should not state an opinion in that section as you are not allowed to develop new ideas in the conclusion. You can only repeat a short version of the information previously presented as a reminder to the reader.

Writing Feedback / Important information should be shared freely. Yes or no? [3]

The first thing you have to do is avoid making assumptions that do not exist in the original presentation. That means, your first sentence, which is an assumption, should not be included in the presentation. You should also avoid rhetorical questions in the discussion because that can sometimes be seen as a memorized or cut and paste presentation. For the reasoning paragraphs. Stop using word fillers at the start. Use topic sentences to clearly direct the discussion. Provided you can write 3-5 coherent sentences in each reasoning paragraph, you will be able to write an essay within the 275-290 word count.

In this essay you overwrote because of your focus on the public discussion presentation. You forgot to balance it with a personal opinion as indicated. So you should not have over written if you wrote the right number of reasoning paragraphs - 3. The personal opinion cannot be contained in the conclusion. That needs to be a stand alone paragraph because it requires a fully justified and developed reasoning presentation.

Scholarship / Chevening Leadership Essay - Leading Ourselves And People [4]

There is no need to define leadership nor influencing in this essay. You can omit that definition at the start. What is important is to show how you embody leadership and influencing skills in the workplace. Your second paragraph is irrelevant to the discussion and should be removed. Instead, focus on developing your leadership and influencing explanation based on the third paragraph. That is the most relevant, useful, and impressive part of this current presentation. You need to separate that discussion into two paragraphs. One focused on the influencing aspect. Then another one discussing how the problem developed your leadership skills as a part of the influencing requirement of the job. Successfully presenting those information should help you create a more relevant discussion in this essay.

Scholarship / Chevening - Network elevates yourself [2]

You are over the word limit by 2 words. Not to worry though, my advice on areas to correct or improve should help you bring the revised version down to a more manageable word count. It will definitely become less than 500 words.

The essay itself does not lend any idea of useful connections in terms of career growth, networking advantages, and possible Chevening alumni usefulness. You are talking about how you come into contact with people and the knowledge you gain from them, but fall short of actually highlighting the usefulness of these contacts on a professional scale. Remember that the network you have to show has to support your leadership and influencing abilities as well. There is a disconnection between the two presentations. You need to make sure that your network somehow reiterates your development as a leader. That comes from highlighting how you used the network you created professionally. That way you can prove to have a network that has significance in your career and possible usefulness in terms of Chevening considerations.

Undergraduate / Dynamic phase! - Explain how you responded to a problem . What did you do ? What was the outcome? [3]

Your response is not really prompt responsive. The presentation does not depict a problem, solution, and outcome. This is more biographical in presentation, focusing on your personal development over time. That is an incorrect focus for your presentation. Stick to the requirement. Pick a challenging problem that has faced you in life. Something that did help you develop as a person, but did not take so much time for you to resolve as this essay presents. The more proper response would help show how you respond to stress under pressure or unexpected situations. Those are the more applicable scenario responses for this prompt. Do not get too over familiar with the reviewer, don't use slang words such as "gazillions". Though it is a fun word to use, it tends to disrespect the academic reviewer. Try to be relaxed and fun, without using slang words. Keep the word usage respectful.

Scholarship / DEVELOPING AN AFFORDABLE ONLINE ENGLISH COURSE FOR MIDDLE-LOWER LANGUAGE LEARNER NEEDS (#1 ESSAY) [2]

The influencing skills are not very impressive in this presentation. Mostly because the students were already eager to learn English in the first place. So encouraging them to learn did not meet with much resistance from them. A true influence should be able to inspire those who disagree with him to finally see his point of view as correct. That aspect of influencing is missing in this essay. As for the leadership aspect. You should talk more about how difficult it was for you to set up your company and how you managed to lead the employees to not give up and see the positive side of staying the course, resulting in the successful company that you have today. The foundation for a proper influencing and leadership discussion exists in both presentation paragraphs. It just needs to be developed further.

Scholarship / Bring positive changes to the team, Leadership Chevening Essay [3]

Though grammatically incorrect, this essay has just the right balance of influencing (first) and leadership (second). The way that you managed to reach out to the department members to help them become familiar with your work and also show them how they can improve by collaborating with you is an excellent influencing example. Then, the way that you managed to the increase of the work team, along with the resolution to the problems that existed show a light, but effective leadership ability. I wish the experiences has a deeper and more national connotation but the references you made here will work. Just make sure your networking essay is stronger than this essay to create a solid foundation for your application. The presentation could be grammatically improved to help with the clarity of the presentation, but that is another story. Good work though. You understood what the presentation required and delivered on all fronts.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of Playing Sports [5]

Whoops ! You have to write a minimum of 250 words. You wrote only 249 words. That means the essay will automatically be scored less, just because you missed out on one word. There will still be a highly minimal percentage deduction for that in the task 2 essay. Make sure you write around 20 lines every time. That number of lines will normally allow you to meet the word count on an exact or more word count basis.

Your prompt paraphrase is not really accurate. You changed the discussion point from advantage v disadvantage to "a good way to practice the body" along with "harm which is hard to foresee". These are both inaccurate representations of the original presentation which should have been:

There are both benefits and drawbacks to athletic engagement. Some of the advantages include... While the disadvantages could be...

You have to completely change the original prompt, never use any words from the original to avoid mark downs for memorized or cut and paste words. Outline the discussion points to help you meet the 3-5 sentence requirement per paragraph. Your paraphrase and conclusion are too short. You need to write at least 40 words in those sections. The concluding paragraph needs to be presented in a summary wrap up format.

Writing Feedback / If we want to save the future of the planet, we will have to change our lifestyle. Give your opinion [3]

When writing the paraphrase, you should avoid adding information not contained int he original presentation because that changes the slant of the discussion. You are required to represent the original essay without added or removed information. So your addition of information in the first sentence is a point against your paraphrased presentation. When you say that you completely agree with the idea, the next statement should include the reason you agree with the idea. Use at least 2 topic representations to end the paraphrase. That way you accomplish the following:

- Accurate prompt restatement
- Your response to the opinion instruction
- An outline of the discussion topics that will add clarity to your opinion

When you accomplish these 3 tasks, you will get a decent TA score.

Undergraduate / Not afraid teen - what you are proud of. UBC Personal Profile Question - Admission Essay [4]

If you are not afraid to fail, then you are not afraid to try. So indicating the word "but" in the first sentence creates a conflict in the discussion. Remove the term "but" and replace it "and" so that the sentence makes more sense and avoids the confusing presentation. You should remove the third sentence as it is just a word filler presentation. It does not help move the essay forward and removes the focus of the discussion from what should be a smoothly written response essay. You did well merging the way people see you with the accomplishment you are most proud of. That certainly helps to make your response stronger and more on point with the given discussion. If you correct the portions I indicated, then the essay should be stronger and more useful to your application.

Scholarship / Bringing people together - Chevening scholarship advice on the networking essay. [4]

Nope. This is not going to work. There is no professional network represented. You are not even doing a good job of representing the foundation of your networking skills. There is a lack of academic tone in this written interview. You are writing the essay as if you are merely addressing a friend instead of an interviewer. Change the format. Use an academic tone. That is always best for this type of essay.

Why did your lecturer recommend you to the Uganda National Roads Authority as a trainee? Did you come away with any career contacts based on your time as a trainee there? How did you build the contacts? Do they still exist? How have they helped you in terms of advancing your career?

The second paragraph is a throw away. Delete it. There is no reference of value in terms of networking in that presentation. Develop the National Forestry Authority networking discussion instead. Expand it. Remove the reference to social media pages. The reviewer will not be impressed by non-physical contacts. These are never considered verifiable and useful contacts in the international scene.

Undergraduate / Communication and Learning - What is important to you? And why? [3]

You are confusing this statement by having 2 responses in one essay. Either communication is important to you or, mental health is important to you. Which is it? The way I read this essay, it appears that mental health is the major focus of the discussion. So you should change the opening sentence to mental health instead. That way, the whole discussion makes more sense. The second part, that focuses on communication is not as impressive nor well developed as the mental health discussion. It would be better if you concentrate on the mental health aspect instead. It is better if you write only 126 relevant discussion words instead of 206 under developed words.

The essay is actually good when it focuses on mental health. The focus on communication seems irrelevant in the presentation. Almost as if you forgot that you mentioned it before and just tried to make up for the mention with a slight reference to it. That doesn't make the statement stronger. It would be better to just remove it in this case.

Scholarship / Orphan's life - Personal importance that influence my life [2]

The story title is The Life of an Orphan. An orphan is someone who has lost both parents, the mother and the father. and does not have any other relatives to speak of. You are not an orphan. The title is wrong. The grammar in the essay is error filled. From run on sentences, to time frame errors, to simply using punctuation marks, the essay has too many mistakes for this to be a well written English essay. I am guessing that you are writing this for an English writing class, which means I have to commend you for your effort in writing it. However, the drama of your presentation is lost in the reading. Grammar errors prevent the reader from getting caught up in your story.

I am not exactly sure what the writing instruction for this essay is. So I am not able to advise you regarding the correct approach to writing the content. However, you should know that every paragraph needs to have at least 3 sentences in it. Since this is not a dialogue based piece of creative writing, you should not be presenting single and two sentence paragraphs. The run-on sentence presentations in every paragraph should also be avoided. Sometimes, it is better to write simple sentences than complex sentences when you are just starting out. The simpler your presentation, the lesser your grammatical errors.

Scholarship / Leadership skills would take you where you want to reach, Chevening leadership essay [3]

You have so much exposure and immersion experiences to speak of. You have learned several lessons in community service. You have influenced small groups in a positive manner. Yet, I fail to see any professional leadership and influencing skills. How did these experiences tie into the professional that you have become? We do not need a narration of all your work experience on the civic side, we need to learn about your professional side. While these experiences may be seen as having an international implication in terms of your ability to become a national leader in the future, the lack of professional leadership is what will leave this essay questionable in the eyes of the reviewer. You do not seem to have an actual focus professionally. You are just moving about the world in whatever capacity you can. Rather than leadership, you will be seen as aimless. A directionless person who doesn't have any professional skills to speak of. I am not confident this essay can help advance your application. It would be better if you would write an essay that properly balances the civic with the professional. That way you come across more as a well rounded professional instead of a person looking for direction in life.

Scholarship / A new project in my village to help children learn English. Chevening Career plan [2]

Does Chevening support any educational programs in your country? How can you help support that program in your home country after you graduate? What sort of connection can you keep with Chevening post study? How will you help to promote Chevening as a foundation in your home country? Can you provide any information that will help convince the reviewer that your scholarship will be beneficial to both you and the scholarship foundation? These are the missing information within the essay. It does not need to include your doctoral plans. Your last paragraph deviates from the career plan discussion. Delete it and close with a more relevant presentation in relation to the theme of the essay.

Scholarship / Chevening Essay Networking - Meaningless Intelligence [4]

This is not a networking essay. This is a liaison officer duties and responsibilities report. You have just informed the reviewer that you are excellent in terms of liaison duties within workplace groups. Workplace groups are not the same as the networking that is gained through seminars and conferences attended. It is not the same as having professional contacts outside the office who can help you resolve work issues or put you in touch with people who can help you progress your career or advance your company interests. This is not a networking essay that will be considered competitive. It is too elementary. You do not have a proper grasp of the national level of qualified candidates you will be up against within this application season. You are not going to catch the attention of the reviewer with this networking essay. It will not help you gain consideration for a student slot at all.

Scholarship / Chevening Essay Leadership & Influence - Learning leadership without status [3]

There are no leadership skills in your presentation. The student activity was nothing but that, a student activity. There was no reference to leadership and influencing in your paragraph. There was nothing in reference to your taking charge of an important activity that led to an early development of your leadership and influencing skill. The reference is too vague. What were the gaps in the team? How did you motivate them to come together and work towards a common goal? What you learned about leadership is irrelevant. How you embody the said leadership traits is more important.

The second leadership reference is not connected to leadership nor influencing and should be removed in totality from the presentation. You were not in charge of anything but report writing. That means you were a rank and file employee reporting to a leader. You were not a leader in this instance which is why your influence was not recognized by others.

Sadly, this essay is so irrelevant to the theme of the prompt that it cannot help your application succeed to the next level. This will not get past the screening round.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2 - Recycling - To what extent do you agree or disagree ? [2]

You have misunderstood the requirements for the discussion. You are not being asked if you agree that imposing laws is the only measure to take regarding recycling. You are being asked to what extent you think laws should be applied in reference to forcing people to recycle their waste. You have changed the discussion requirements and shown that you did not understand the prompt. Your response to the question is not applicable to the topic provided. There is a problem with your English comprehension skills.

Your response should have been more on the side of: I believe that the government should enact laws in relation to the reusing of so-called trash materials only to the extent that it does not encumber the people from removing trash from their homes. Let me explain my opinion further below.

Writing Feedback / Children should achieve anything- IELTS writing task-2 essay [3]

You are still using the original reference words in your restatement. There must not be any trace of the original keywords and prompts in your newly developed paragraph. Using synonyms, you should have changed most words and phrases from the original such as:

- in some cultures ( cut and paste from the original)

When using local heroes for your examples, always remember to indicate who he is. What were his accomplishments? What made him admirable? Remember that the examiner will not be familiar with these people in most instances so the relevance of this reference point as an advantage would not be clear to the examiner. You only explained his surroundings, but you did not explain the cultural relevance of this point. How did culture play a role in his success? Who told him he can succeed if he tries hard enough? The most important discussion aspect is the cultural reference and it was lost in your discussion.

Writing Feedback / Writting about a topic: How to make a great holiday [3]

Regardless of the type of essay you are writing, the standard paragraph format is 3 sentences minimum. This is the number count that allows you to write a clearer representation of your thoughts. In the first paragraph, you should have summarized the 3 methods for making a great holiday. That way you would have clear discussion topics for the reader to refer to in case he forgets what he is reading about.

Make sure that your paragraphs are of a similar length to assure the reader of comprehensive and coherent information. Look out for missing punctuation marks such as the period at the end of the second paragraph. Try to explain how the person can create a budget for his trip. Don't just say he has to save money otherwise he will have spending issues. Make the paragraph informative and useful.

Research Papers / Research paper on water quality and types of water suppliers. Which is better for our health? [2]

The presentation feels like you are starting in the middle of the paper instead of at the beginning. Do not start the first sentence with "because" since that indicates that a previous discussion has been presented. In this case, there is no previous discussion. That sentence signifies the start of the thesis presentation in the wrong manner. Your presentation in that paragraph is marred by incorrect grammar, lack of proper punctuation mark usage, and a clear thesis statement. Your essay doesn't follow the format that is indicated by the title you used. The comparison discussions are almost non-existent or, improperly presented. While this essay has the potential to be properly presented and discussed, I am afraid that you need professional editing help to clean up the presentation. It will be difficult for me to advise you regarding how to clean up the essay without actually rewriting the total essay for you. There are just too many problems for our free advising service to address.

Scholarship / Essay for Chevening Scholarship - Study In The UK and preferred courses [4]

There are several points of information presentation in your essay that are not required. The reference to the Elizabeth Poor Law is unnecessary as it does not reflect any part of your academic or professional training and instead, pertains to UK law, which does not apply in your home country. The last paragraph of this essay is also not required as it is more relevant to the post study plans essay. Remove the last paragraph and use it in the relevant essay presentation instead.

Your paragraphs are mostly difficult to understand. The wording is confusing and the reference to your relevant education and professional experience is difficult to follow. The problem is mostly with the sentence structure. The clarity of your presentation is lacking. You should also be more specific when you say that a certain course will help you achieve your professional goal. What is that goal? Explain how the course is relevant to it. That problem exists in the third course preference.

Writing Feedback / The dilemma what to do: studying higher education or getting a job after graduating from high school [4]

The prompt for this essay asks you to discuss 2 public points of view and then offer a personal opinion. Your restatement reflects a single, run-on sentence that does not consider the 3 instruction presentation requirement. Your restatement should, for this particular essay contain:

- First public pov (university is the best way to get a career)
- Second pov (it is better to work right after high school)
- A reference to a personal point of view discussion.

When you read your essay, you will see that the first paragraph was improperly formatted. I believe you accidentally pressed the enter key, causing a split between the paraphrase and your opinion indicator sentence. Always make sure that you write 3-5 sentences for both the opening and concluding paraphrase. Otherwise, your essay doesn't follow the required restatement requirement.

Avoid the use of informal punctuation marks such as ellipses in your opinion essay. It removes the academic integrity of your presentation. Always double check your punctuation marks, You are missing a period in one sentence.

The reasoning paragraphs need to have 3 presentations. You discussed only one combined discussion paragraph for the 2 public opinions. Each opinion needs to be fully developed in a 5 sentence, standalone paragraph to be considered fully developed and explained. Your personal opinion needs to be the 3rd paragraph in the presentation.

Scholarship / Reflecting on your life so far, tell us how you meet the key selection criteria for Scholars Program [3]

You have focused too much on the barriers you faced. You need to offer more representation regarding how you embody the selection criteria for the scholars program. That means, you have to be specific about the criteria and why you believe you fulfill the requirement. You should pick at least 2 criteria to discuss. Do not focus too much on the challenges. You have to balance the discussion between challenges and embodiment. Otherwise, the essay sounds like a pity story and nothing more.The strength of the essay will come from how you specifically mention your qualifications based on the criteria of the scholarship program. I do not really see a reference to that at the moment. You need to refocus the essay. Do not wallow too much in the challenges you faced. It makes the essay lose the content balance.

Writing Feedback / The bar chart demonstrates a brief view of the percentage of Australians who exercised regularly [3]

Hi, we used to offer scoring as a part of our free services. As of now, the scoring service is already part of our premium services. You may request for scoring when you avail of our private essay review service or when you make your thread URGENT. Any student who scores an essay for another student will find his account suspended. As of now, I can provide you with a complete free review service. Here we go:

Your summary overview is too similar to the original prompt presentation. This will be deemed closer to a cut and paste or memorized representation of the prompt, which will result in score deductions for you. The information provided in the summary is incomplete as you did not include the age range as referred to in the chart. You could have indicated that the age range was from 15 to over 65 to help complete the summarized information.

Do not make assumptions in the task 1 essay. You must only provide the actual information from the bar chart. Do not make assumptions in the presentation when these are presented as facts in the image. So the fact is, the percentage of women exercising increases after the age of 25. You will not score extra points for making assumptions where none is presented in the original image.

This essay does not require a conclusion as it is a summarized report. Rather, you should be presenting your conclusion as the actual trending statement in your summary overview. Do not separate your presentation so much to meet a 4 paragraph requirement when the original prompt allows for only 3 paragraphs. Trying to lengthen the presentation for no reason isn't going to increase your scoring ability.

Writing Feedback / In many cities the constructions of new houses and office building is not controlled [3]

Your prompt restatement includes information that was not presented in the original prompt. As such, your restatement will be deemed inaccurate and offering a personal opinion even though you were not instructed to do so. The restatement must be a clear representation of the original, without any added information or opinions. This could have been better presented as:

The architecture of commercial establishments and homes do not have any clear guidelines to follow. This has resulted in non-uniform design styles. There has been a failure to think about the design concepts. I believe that this has resulted in more disadvantages than advantages. My opinion is based on the the reasons that (1) and (2).

If you can manage to mention your 2 reasons in the discussion outline towards the end of the paraphrase, the clarity of your opinion can be better considered and scored by the examiner. As of now, your paraphrase does not follow the expected response format and contains irrelevant opinions. These will not result in a good TA score for you.

You should mention that there are two reasons for your opinion in the outline, not in the reasoning paragraphs. The reasoning paragraphs should focus only on topic sentences at the start. Avoid using 2 reasons in 1 paragraph. These lead to confusing discussions and under developed paragraph presentations. For these types of essays it would be better for you to use a single paragraph to disprove an advantage as a disadvantage. The format can be:

Sentence 1: Advantage
Sentence 2: Explanation of advantage
Sentence 3: Explain why this is a disadvantage
Sentence 4: Give an example to support your disadvantage opinion
Sentence 5: Add a supporting explanation for your disadvantage based on the advantage opinion

By using 2 paragraphs that utilizes this format, you will not have to waste word count and presentation space. Your discussion will be coherent and cohesive because you focus on a single topic for 2 discussion presentations. Proving that you have the C&C, as well as GRA skills to pull off a combined opinion presentation. You can quite possible get better marks overall when using the combined discussion method.

Never present a personal opinion where it is not required. This essay never asked for your personal opinion so presenting it in the closing paragraph will only help to reduce, rather than increase your overall score. Always follow the discussion requirements as indicated in the prompt. Use the closing paragraph to summarize the discussion, without giving a personal opinion since it is not included as an instruction in the original discussion.

Scholarship / Essay about Leading your superior and supervisor [3]

This is a good presentation. It contains a proper reference to how you found yourself in the leadership position, what the basis for the trust in you was, and what sort of project. The presentation needs professional editing at this point to help clean up the grammar errors and presentation problems. The content itself focuses on a proper experience that the reviewer will be interested in reading about. Your work duties and responsibilities are clear to the reader and allows him to better understand how your leadership and influencing skills developed. This is an acceptable information presentation. The fact that your narration ends with a positive solution that further enhances your leadership and influencing skills helped this essay become simple, but relevant in terms of prompt considerations.

Scholarship / A project-surveyor - help to apply for the Chevening Masters scholarship. [2]

You are rushing through your presentation. You do not need a summary of your perceived leadership abilities. You need to give a detailed explanation that represents your leadership skill and influencing ability. The first paragraph is a throw away. It does not feel like it contains any relevant information, which is why you sped through the presentation paragraph. Focus more on your responsibilities as a project surveyor instead. Slow down and develop the discussion. Explain why you were chosen to lead this team. Depict the problems that you encountered that required you to influence others. Portray instances that required you to use your leadership abilities. It should not be as simple as "Okay, you can go ahead." Detail the problems, develop the solutions, explain the influence you had to use. More details would help the reviewer assess if you have the kind of leadership skills that would make you a promising influencer and leader in your country. As fo now, you have made it all sound so simple that there is no real justification for your leadership and influencing claims.

Scholarship / 'Leadership is within you' - Chevening essay about leadership [3]

Leadership is more than just about knowing how to delegate tasks. Which is what you presented in this essay. Discussions are not the same as influencing. You need to revise this promising essay to reflect your influencing skills during that period of time. Stop downgrading yourself by constantly saying you did not have experience, you had to refer to other mentors, and other similar indicators. Are you a leader of a follower? From the way those aspects were discussed, you come across more as a follower who was trying to lead rather than as a leader who knew what he was doing. The influencing part is the weakest because you are presenting yourself as being influenced rather than being the influencer. You need to revise that part to be more attuned with the leader and influencer expectations of the review committee.

Scholarship / "Tree Planting Advocates" President - CHEVENING LEADERSHIP AND INFLUENCING [5]

Actually, you have not represented a strong leadership presentation in this essay. You should have developed your leadership discussion based upon how you rose in the ranks of the military during that one year service. To show your leadership skills, you have to highlight what rank you had when you finally left the military service. Extend the explanation to show how the military service helped you develop your leadership skills. Use the CDS as a secondary reference. Explain how you applied what you learned from the military training to take charge of this assigned group and how you influenced the group members to become successful in terms of the civic duties the group undertook under your leadership.

You should make an effort to highlight the leadership and influencing part in this essay. You should use the 4th paragraph to show your non-military leadership skill since you deal with various projects. Just omit mentioning the social network. Instead, think about the projects that challenged your leadership skills as a member of this group and how you dealt with it. Based on the problems you indicated, you should be able to come up with a very good example using that experience.

Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 - Able to make film for everyone. Positive or Negative? [5]

It is important that you outline your discussion points in the opening paragraph. As you restate the topic, you must immediately respond to the question provided because of the "clear opinion" requirement in the TA section. As you give your opinion. Outline the reasons you will be using to support your opinion as well. This will help create a coherent summary of your upcoming discussion points. It will also serve as the respond guide for your 2 reasoning paragraphs. Never leave your opinion for the conclusion because the concluding summary, sans any opinions, are what is located in that presentation. Placing your opinion in the concluding paragraph will result in deductions for you, rather than point credits.

Your explanations are not complete. You have an opportunity to use one fully developed discussion topic per paragraph. Write the presentation that way. One topic, one full explanation will get you a better score when compared to 2 reasons in one paragraph that leaves the reader with more questions than answers with regards to your reasoning presentation.

Writing Feedback / A large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Pros and cons? [4]

You cannot state anything as a fact in this type of essay. You are asked to refer only to a personal opinion (when required) or an agreement or disagreement as the original prompt indicates. Since you are giving an opinion, state it as such, you lose points for stating facts where none are required. You are also in error when it comes to responding to the question. You are asked if this is an advantage or disadvantage. You responded that this will make a positive contribution to society, which does not answer the question because you are not being asked about the contribution of the topic to society. Therefore, your TA score will be scored as totally unrelated to the question, making your essay receive a low score from the very start. This low score may be difficult for your essay to overcome as you also have spelling, grammar, and cohesiveness issues in your overall presentation. You are not offering a clear opinion anywhere in the area where it matters, the opinion is not included in the conclusion. That is always given as a part of the first paragraph. You also refer to "I think" which means you failed to develop and present a proper opinion regarding the situation. This is a one point of view essay that requires you to convince the reader that your opinion is based on solid and sound reasons.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - can online classes replace the traditional one? [2]

For a task 2 essay, you should not be overwriting the information in the presentation. Stay within the 250-290 word count, 4 paragraph discussion presentation to help you achieve a better score. It is never useful to write so many words and consider yourself accomplished. Thinking that the more words you write, the better your final score. Based on this type of writing, you only managed to successfully create repeated, unchecked, and uncorrected errors throughout the presentation. All of which will result in a less than expected score for you.

The errors cover several areas of spelling mistakes, a series of GRA errors, along with coherence and cohesiveness errors. The number of errors in each scoring rubic indicate that you will be receiving sizeable percentage deductions, which could very well hold your work back from achieving your target score. Remember, the score depends on the lack of errors. The more errors you have, the lower the score you will get.

Scholarship / NETWORKING -CHEVENING ESSAY - EDUCATION FIELD [3]

Social media is not a well accepted form of networking for Chevening. That is because the social media contacts you make are more social rather than work related. The relationship you have is virtual rather than physical, and the method of cultivation does not require the true networking guidelines. Remove that reference from the essay. It is not a very good networking reference.

Rather, start with the second paragraph. However, you have to first explain how you made contact with the foundation in Bogota. The cultivation of this foundation as a network is not clear. Merely asking your classmates to help does not constitute a useful network. It is not impressive nor does it connote an effective and professional network. You need to better develop that paragraph.

Unfortunately, nothing you have presented in this essay qualifies as a professional network that would be useful to Chevening scholars past and present. There is an inability on your part to prove that you are a professional who has undergone proper training and exposure that would allow you to create a useful network of individuals from a field related to yours. This is not going to help your application move forward. Your application, could very well stop at this point.

Writing Feedback / The chart below illustrates the number of prisoner in five nations throughout 50 years [5]

This is a Task 1 essay, not a task 2 essay. Therefore, you have written too many words for this task. The allotment is only 150-190 words. You wrote 256 words, which means you have just written an opinion essay. Or, you have cut into the 40 minute time allowance for the Task 2 essay. Either way, you took more than 20 minutes to complete the data reporting.

Use the 3 paragraph presentation for maximum scoring effect. Identify the image in the first sentence, then proceed to give an overview of the information provided. Definitely mention the inclusive years provided, even after presentation the decade on decade reference ( 50 years). This will help show your LR range in terms of time references.

Always accurately mention the name of the countries (United StateS not State). The summary overview is incomplete as it does not contain the run down of countries, measurement used, and trending statement. The summary overview, which is part of the TA score, is not complete and will therefore contain deductions that will pull down the overall score.

You have singular v. plural usage errors in the paragraphs. There is a consistent error in terms of this presentation covering 3 paragraphs. Expect heavy GRA points reductions because of these mistakes. Be careful next time. Remind yourself of the plural and singular word usage rules next time.

Graduate / Applying for the MA International Education to become an outstanding educator - Personal Statement [2]

Were you asked to combine the personal statement with a motivation discussion? The reason I ask is because I sensed the combined discussion in this essay, which is not a normal presentation for the personal statement. I am also wondering about your reference to "English of a normal school." What exactly did you mean by that? Didn't you study English in school? What was not normal about your school? Maybe there was a misinterpretation when you translated from your mother tongue to English? There is a confusion about that reference in the essay.

Focus on the discussion of your teaching experience, your shortcomings, and why these motivated your study goals? Give the reviewer a personal and academic reason for your heightened interest. Yous hould not be referring to the lack of study exposure of the student. This should be all about you and your personal point of view in reference to the development of your interest in this course. The third paragraph is more applicable to the statement of purpose. You will have a redundancy when you mention your undergraduate foundation in the SOP. It would be better to remove that paragraph from this presentation instead.

In the last paragraph, aside from discussing the course, you should also refer to the reasons why you chose to study this course, which is also available at other universities, at UoM. What set it apart? What academic goals does it address? How will your personal growth benefit from the academic community and social scene? These are considerations that should appear in the personal statement.

Undergraduate / What motivates you to join 'Teach for india' [2]

You are off track with this presentation. You have not really convinced the reader that you are interested in joining this program. The first paragraph discusses when you first came across the program rather than what you learned about the program that made it memorable to you. What enticed you to join the program? You are lacking a motivating presentation. The second paragraph works better but is very little developed in terms of convincing the reader that you have thoroughly familiarized yourself with the program for you to have a keen interest in joining it. Show a sense of familiarity, a personal interest and goal, and a social consciousness that can convince the reader that you are truly dedicated to making a success of your time in the program.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - Increasing the number of sports facilities to improve public health [2]

You have written a very long essay that does not follow the discussion requirements as provided in the original prompt. The paraphrased paragraph makes little sense to the reader and does not relate to the original presentation in any way. That is because you have created your own information for the presentation instead of merely restating the original information. Your overall essay discusses your personal opinion alone, based on non-related discussion points with regards to the original prompt. Though you wrote a good essay, I doubt this will get a passing score because you have not given the discussion based on the required elements of public opinion discussion and a personal opinion. Therefore, the passing score for this presentation may be difficult to reach. The lack of clarity and prompt deviation are the biggest problems that you have.

Writing Feedback / Lots of people deem that youngsters are inappropriate to crucial positions in government or business [3]

In the prompt paraphrase, you did a relatively good job of using your own words to provide a new version of the original prompt. However, you did not give a clear opinion in the response to your opinion. You only have 5 paragraphs for this essay, 3 for the public points of view and one for the personal opinion. So you cannot say that is has pros and cons for different reasons. You need to pick a clear opinion and present it otherwise you risk losing points for not delivering a clear side to support in the presentation.

Try to avoid using memorized phrases (on the one hand, on the other hand) when stating your topic sentences. You will be able to score better in terms of C&C considerations when you immediately kick off with a topic sentence instead. The reviewer already knows that you are comparing the two sides because of the format of the paragraphs and your prompt restatement. So you can avoid using comparative memorized phrases.

You did not clearly represent a personal point of view in the end. The personal point of view is the 4th paragraph in the presentation, before the concluding summary. Since you closed with a paragraph that does not reflect a personal opinion due to the lack of first person pronoun usage, the essay seems to be missing a conclusion and a personal opinion. The lack of clarity in your paragraph formatting will definitely affect your final score.