Writing Feedback / Writing: The high sales of popular consumer goods/ advertising as extremely powerful tool [15]

A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. It is always better to state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Modern artist is a sort of high paid profession; 'preparation process' [6]


Yes, Pahan is right. A 4-paragraph essay helps you write the essays properly.
If you havea succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, you match up to the classical five paragraph essay or more. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL composition, about effective leadership [5]

I like the way you construct the paragraphs :D


Good start, but I think too common for words. Better write your own phrases.


For me, if you are offered such task, then you are asked to take a position, which is neither in total agreement nor total disagreement, but somewhere in between. Then, you should explain why.

Writing Feedback / Life is unfair; Big money for some modern artist while other struggle to survive [5]

This is the third essay with the same topic I read.

Overall, you write this essay with very good mechanics. However, your ideas are off-topic :(

The question says that "


Which modern artist?


Which 'others'?


What a struggle for survival?


What unfairness?

A point to remember: Wide reading (authentic texts) is the key to improving your writing ability.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Modern artist is a sort of high paid profession; 'preparation process' [6]

Overall, you write this essay with very good mechanics. However, your ideas are off-topic :(

The question says that "


" Which modern artist?


Which 'others'? What a struggle for survival?

Let's try one paragraph:


This para comes out nowhere. Why? all green phrases do not get through on the question.

Read as many authentic texts as you can to improve your writing skills. Reading authentic texts gives you some new ideas about different topics

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'everal reasons rates as adults' decision to study' - A REPORT FOR A UNIVERSITY LECTURER. [4]


This is good, but shows complexity.

Let me give a try:
A subject's preference breaks a record as the highest percentage. Gaining qualification, this shows 22 percent of participants. However, there seems a slight gap between the opportunity for changing the job and meeting people, with twelve and 9 percent of participants.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 : the number of animals with tha amount of rainfall [6]

A few notes from the bodies:
Grouping data together where there are patterns is a vital key to have a succinct explanation of body paragraphs .

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : TRIP TO WORK IN HOUSTON, TEXAS [3]

You don't need to write




. This can be categorized as "shopping list", showing immature writing.
Here is I share a link to show you the key to organizing your body paragraphs for an IELTS writing task 1 is to group data together where there are patterns.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : success is ten per cent talent and ninety per cent hard work? [7]

Have look at your intro:
Attainment is always being foremost target for the most people. It is cause of to be uncommon person, which means owned plenty achievements that can be prestige or pride.

Yngwee Malmsteen, is one of legendary guitarists, became criterion for amateur guitarists. He ever said that his success began from talent and tried to develop it. This example shows that talent owned by him gave numerous awards as the greatest guitarist.

A few notes:
A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.


what kinda achievements? You didn't tell :(


bad colloquial phrase.
Read as many authentic texts as you can to improve your writing skills. Reading texts not only gives you some new ideas about different topics, but it also improves your vocab and grammar

Writing Feedback / Task - Are Macro-sports events good in easing international tensions? [4]

Let me give you a piece of advice :D
1. For the next essay, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph. Why? the first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately know your writing needs more work to read.

2. Have a look at the


offered by Dumi. Also, I strongly suggest to follow this.
3. Before start writing, you'd better analyze the prompt in order to earn a good score for Task response, like this:
Statement: Popular events like the football world cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

Task: To What extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Make sure you answer the task

Writing Feedback / IELTS bar - post-school qualifications in Australia; 70%<females undergraduate [6]

The bar chart depicts shows the percentage...

Here is your sentence...
"Turning to the details of females,it is evident from the graph that,more than 70 per cent of females enrolled in Under graduate diploma,which was the highest among females" is this you mean? The figures for women with undergraduate diploma showed the highest percentage of other females' figures.

Writing Feedback / parents go abroad for work with their family. [8]


Bad grammar in Correlative Conjunctions.
To learn more, visit this link: grammarly..../handbook/grammar/conjunctions/4/correlative-conjunctions/



When you write firstly, secondly, lastly to mention supporting points , I am afraid that you are overusing the linking devices. I think the better way is to avoid using lots of the connective words. If you think that you need to earn coherence and cohesion, pay particular attention to demonstrate cohesion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'everal reasons rates as adults' decision to study' - A REPORT FOR A UNIVERSITY LECTURER. [4]


Avoid writing such lists, showing immature writing. You need more work for this.
A few notes from the bodies:
Grouping data together where there are patterns is a vital key to have a succinct explanation of body paragraphs .

Writing Feedback / Parents are the best teachers; 'they play vital role on children's education' [8]

Noteworthy:
1. The first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

2. A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Scientists' contribution vs. artists' contributions [5]

On the one hand, there aresome peoplewhobelieve thatartists make the beautiful and relaxing things (what are you trying to say here???)in our life

You'd better always try to include the prompt. To give relevant and reliable feedback, we need the prompt which helps us crystallize the ideas from your writing.

Writing Feedback / Fixed punishment or flexible one? [5]

A few notes:
1. The first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

2. A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / Public transportation is a great way to travel [4]

A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Male graduate from Cullum university [9]

Thanks to Google, here is information about the paragraph
The key to organizing your body paragraphs for an IELTS writing task 1 is to group data together where there are patterns.
To study how to organize body paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Canadian students graduated; 3 pharagraphs [6]

a few words:

As per the basic rule, a paragraph is a collection of related sentences dealing with a single topic.
You have one idea and several bits of supporting evidence within a single paragraph.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1; the number of Canadian university based on sex [7]

As per the basic rule, a paragraph is a collection of related sentences dealing with a single topic.
You have one idea and several bits of supporting evidence within a single paragraph.

Coherence within a paragraph is crucial to IELTS writing.

Writing Feedback / Ielts task 1 : the number of animals with tha amount of rainfall [6]

As per the basic rule, a paragraph is a collection of related sentences dealing with a single topic.
You have one idea and several bits of supporting evidence within a single paragraph.

Coherence within a paragraph is crucial to IELTS writing. Why?

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1; the number of Canadian university based on sex [7]

To be frank, your score will immediately drop of you do not have an overview.
An overview, the important feature in IELTS visual writing, is a short description of a situation that gives the main ideas without explaining all the details.


poor sentence structure. To study more, visit this link: owl.english.purdue.edu/engagement/2/1/34/


Is this you mean?: a rapid increase in two groups both showed...


even though

Writing Feedback / Some sportsmen earn more money than other professionals; 'specialist of sphere' [10]

Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for the first view, and one for the second view. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction.

Writing Feedback / IELTS bar - post-school qualifications in Australia; 70%<females undergraduate [6]

You DO know no pictures attached :D
This is the only one I can share:


Some IELTS practice books commonly keep this area, which is the intro and overview written as one para. However, if you think you need to earn a good score for coherence and cohesion by using paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately, then you don't need to write the intro and overview in the same paragraph.


You don't need to include a conclusion for this part. Perfectly summarize this report including: an intro,an overview, two bodies (similarities and/or diversities)

Letters / Letter of recommendation - Master Program [8]


EF provides you thousand samples of stories. Go get your own search, dear :D

Writing Feedback / people living longer nowadays. Is it good or bad? [7]

You have written a very long essay. I am not sure that you can deal with the 40 minutes.
I see some ideas are gone for the topic.
To solve this, it is always better to start analyzing the prompt before writing the essay:
Fact: People nowadays live longer than they used to.
Task 1: What caused this situation? (the first body)
Task 2: Is it a negative or positive development? (the second body)

For intro:
A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly.


This is gone for the topic.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: What gift would you give to a child develop? 'It is computer' [5]

Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Children should begin learning a foreign language; 'every-day habit' [10]


is this you mean?
Evidently, constructing a good habit of learning foreign language for children is always better action


is this you mean?
Children learn how to use an English language properly as an essential skill for a better future


is this you mean?
Schoolchildren speaking English language are more likely to have excellent academic credentials

Noteworthy:
Read as many samples of IELTS writings/ authentic English texts as you can to improve your writing skills. This help you find some ideas and improve your vocabulary and grammar.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Most important room; Bathroom is my essential demand [6]

I see you write good, but It is always better if you take much consideration for the following point :
Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - advantages and disadvantages of machines instead of human to do the work [4]

I feel this sentence contains many words and has faulty comparison between human and machines: "It is undoubted that machines can bring many benefits. For one thing, machines are more effective than human."

Be effective:Machines bring significant benefits for humans.

Speeches / Teenagers concern nowadays - weight issue [4]


Even though this typescript is required for speaking of speech, putting commas between phrases is a must.
Tips for commas: read one of your sentences aloud and see where you would naturally pause, where you would draw a breath. If it's a short pause, like that just was, you probably need a comma.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Some people are attracted to dangerous sports? 'feel more alive' [4]

Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Stagnation in Health and fitness [5]


A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. It is always better to state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL) have phones and internet made our personal relationships decreased? [6]

A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2; More people want to buy famous brands. Give reason and opinion [6]

Make it a habit of writing the full prompt on top of your essay as it helps readers fully understand what it requires from you. Also, readers can provide you with more meaningful comments.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: more and more people are going to other countries for significant period [5]

It is always better if you take much consideration for this sentence:
Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: There have been significant developments in the field of IT! [6]

Working with an essay's layout, you' better pay particular attention to this point:
Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / Movies & TV affect people. 'Vietnamese man who hasn't gone to other countries' [9]

Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / 'Internet is helping humankind for getting information important from corner of the world' [15]

A small tip when you work with the classical five paragraph essay
Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: mobile phone; "Iron man" / "Weichat" - destroy social interactions? [8]

A small tip working with an essay's layout:
Developing the classical five paragraph essay or more will send you to earn a very impressive result, but this should be followed by a succinct explanation, coherent sentences, grammar error-free, colloquial usage, etc. Otherwise, you may get an average score.