Faq, Help / How long to reply by a moderator or contributor? [9]

Jennifer: Hello! We try to get as many posts answered as possible per day, but the traffic on this website increases everyday. Please give us about 24 hours to respond to your email. As we are also increasing our number of contributors, we will be able to answer more posts per day.

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Essays / Including a Chronology in a Term Paper, According to Chicago Style [4]

Check out these websites:

calstatela.edu/library/styleman.htm
liu.edu/cwis/cwp/library/workshop/citation.htm

Undergraduate / Bentley College- Why do you want to attend this school? [5]

Students enjoy its cutting-edge facilities, including an interactive trading floor that serves both as a classroom and as preparation for the real business world.

Networking is a must, and their students can almost always find a job or internship, even as a freshmen.

One way in which I can achieve this goal is by attending and graduating from Bentley University.

Good luck! A few additions to your text, but, as a whole, it was good. Good luck!

Undergraduate / why BU? ("born and raised in Walnut, California") [10]

Thank you, mad3na90, for the correction. I think that the post was getting off track and not helping, just confusing. So, uhlyssuh, did you get all the help you wanted and needed? Need anything else?

GOOD LUCK ALL!

Undergraduate / Cornell CAS- 1st draft. 'The great thing about magic' [10]

I love performing magic tricks for friends, family, and newly made acquaintances, because I can incessantly amuse and impress them with just a deck of cards or a coin.

There is an "aha" moment for me when all of the slight of hand practice I have done and each of the false shuffles I learned come together into the trick, and I think to myself, "Wow. So, that's how it works."

A few more small suggestions for you! Good luck!

Undergraduate / "Substitution! 21 for 3!" Short response for common app! Leave comments! [11]

"Substitution! 21 for 3, " my coach screamed impatiently. 21?! (DON'T USE "?!". It is too informal. Just use a ?)

In just three weeks, I had obliviously made many friends - ones who eagerly cheered my name to offer me encouragement, determination, and instant confidence .

Since that day, volleyball has become my passion, and I dedicate both time and energy to mastering its techniques.

Don't stress too much over such a short essay. I have written a few of these (only about four when I graduated high school in 2002, and two after my Associate's degree... I will be writing more entrance essays soon as I will be applying for grad school soon---I got accepted to all six schools I applied to as well!)

These are just to give the board an idea of who you are as a person...Somethings that a transcript and application cannot tell a person. You definitely want to connect with the school, be enthusiastic, and show you are a person!

Undergraduate / NYU short answer (diversity is critical to my future education) [13]

I personally value diversity as a critical element of my future education. I believe that people can grow emotionally through human interaction; therefore , I wish to join KSA to share my heritage and to introduce students to the dynamic Korean culture, such as dramas and music, which will be interesting and exciting. Exchanging diverse culture, I believe, will enrich the nuances of people's ideas and beliefs. It could be truly a remarkable program, particularly in a dynamic city like New York.

Go ahead! Talk about your heritage... Colleges need more culturally-diversity, no matter who or where they are!

As far as the essay, I would write out KSA rather than use the acronym. Do you have a word limit? It seems kind of short. I would go into how the program will help people in NY and outside of NY.

Undergraduate / 'too late for the election' - Brown U. Supplement - Academic Interests [5]

I want to be able to take "the History of Classical Rhetoric" in the morning, "Population and Environment in China" at noon, and "Evolutionary Biology" at 4 p.m.That is why I am applying to Brown. It is perhaps the only school in the country where I can have wiggle room when choosing my courses without sacrificing a top-level education. And, in the end, I believe I will emerge from Brown University a better, more well-rounded person, ready to face life and tackle the issues confronting future generations.

Undergraduate / Minority students. As a Puerto Rican student I I helped bring Latino Club to my school. [10]

Upon my first reading, I did not understand that the "creamy colored hallways" were hallways filled with Caucasian students; instead, I thought that the hallways were an off-white color. You could write something like this: "As a Puerto Rican student navigating the hallways' sea of cream colored walkers (or students or peers or something like that),I begin to lose my identity." Also, I agree with Linnus, typing in ALL CAPS is a bit annoying. :( Sorry. I don't think that modifying your sentence would be racist (as long as that is not your intention), but writing "Caucasian sea" may seem a bit controversial. I would steer clear of things like that.

Undergraduate / COMMON APPS ESSAY (Alice in Wonderland); I had grown too much [2]

Great job! I could not find any grammatical or stylistic errors, but would like to know the prompt question for this essay.

If you are concerned about the copyright of your work. I would put your signature at the end of each post with your work in it. I would also set the work off with quotation marks to note that it is directly from you.

Essays / Divorce, arranged marriage, economic crisis - Illustration Essay [9]

I am confused. Is this supposed to be an essay about divorce? Could someone please elaborate on the topic of the assignment?

Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

This is the rule of thumb I have learned if there is not a specified date AND time.

Online submission --> Due by midnight on the due date.
Mail submission --> postmarked by that date.

GOOD LUCK!

Essays / UPenn autobiography - i decided to write about my future [7]

I would definitely agree that your future is completely acceptable. If you consider that you cut the autobiography (and your life) into three parts, this is acceptable. The first part (0-100 pages) could be your childhood and adolescence. The second part (101-200 pages) could be your early adulthood. The last part (201-300 pages) could be your late adulthood.

Good luck! I would love to read what your page 217 would read like. Please post it!

Undergraduate / illinois essay - 350 words instead of 300 words? [9]

Personally, I would stick to 300 words or less. If that is simply unacceptable for you, you could also send both essays (a shortened 300 word version and the original). I would not submit only the longer version because part of the prompt is to be under 300 words. Illinois purposefully does the word count limit. First, they will have to reason literally thousands of them. Second, 300 words is a difficult assignment to answer a prompt unless you know exactly what you are doing. You must choose and use your words carefully. The words are what you use to sell yourself...to get you into the college of your choice.

You may want to add your essay to this post, and maybe we can provide some suggestions.

Good luck!

Undergraduate / 'exposed to experiment' - Upenn Professor Short Answer (Psychology) [5]

That is a great essay for the prompt. It sounds like you did your homework on Professor Medina and what you want. Good luck and good job!

Undergraduate / UPS (University of Puget) Supplement [4]

I agree with ZowZow. UPS (the University, not the company! :) ) Doesn't need to be said that much... They know who they are. It sort of looks like you are just trying to take up space.

Undergraduate / Florida Institute of technology essay ending paragraph [3]

Good closing paragraph. A few word choice issues and commas missing, but great other than that. Good luck!!!!

Undergraduate / Lehigh supplementary essay feedback; the unique and unparallel combination [2]

The main factor that attracted me to Lehigh is the unique and unparalleled combination of rigorous academics and intense athletics.

As a person who is particularly involved with and devoted to my current school's honor council and upholding the honor code , my key contribution to Lehigh would be integrity.

Great job! I like how you incorporated many features of Lehigh into your essay. You definitely answered all parts of the prompt. Good luck!

Undergraduate / CommonApp Personal Essay (Topic of your Choice, incentives for charitable) [3]

Well-thought out essay; however, I don't know if I would assign moral and immoral charitable actions to a specific person. The essay makes you sound like a saint and your friend to be an inconsiderate, self-serving person. While I am sure that is not the case, I would still make the two examples not specific. I would just say that person A shows an immoral charitable activity, but person B shows takes the moral high ground.

Other than a few stylistic issues, great job! Good luck!

Undergraduate / 'exposed to experiment' - Upenn Professor Short Answer (Psychology) [5]

Understanding the neural bases of human thought has intrigued me since I first skimmed the surface of Psychology at my first after school class in the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey.

Professor Medina's research attempts to understand the neural processes that allow humans to attain and consolidate new motor skills, such as learning piano and riding a bicycle.

Learning from Professor Medina's proficiency in vivo neurophysiology and computational neuroscience would be an honor to look forward to .

Do you have a prompt or topic you have to write about for this essay? What is it?
This was well-written and thought out, but I would watch out for missing commas and using prepositions at the end of sentences. Good luck!

Undergraduate / 'community organizer' - SHORT Brown U. Supplement - How did you hear about Brown? [2]

I strode(I WOULD USE ANOTHER WORD. THIS ONE SEEMS AWKWARD.) back down the narrow hallway to the desk of our community organizer, Chris, my completed call sheets in hand.

Following my polite "not sure yet," he suggested Brown University, his former alma mater .

I would associate what you most liked about Brown U. Did you like the campus, setting, environment, class size, streets, professors, etc.? What made this university jump out at you? Other than that, you did great answering the prompt. I would change the word "strode" to something else. It seems a bit awkward to me. Good luck!

Undergraduate / The Rice School of Architecture essay to present my reasons for choose this university [3]

I was the same way! My sister loved Barbies; whereas, I played with TMNTs, Transformers, Hot Wheels, Legos, and Lincoln Logs. I really liked how you incorporated your past preferences into your current career path. Great job! Watch out for commas (missing). Good luck!

Undergraduate / Consideration of others - Help me with Trinity's essay [2]

If you are going to bring up that your parents are doctors, I would give some examples of how their profession specifically adds to your "integrity contract". Are you planning on becoming a doctor? If no, then I don't know if I would add their profession to the essay. Instead, think about what an "integrity contract" is and what it should entail. That may give you a better direction.

Undergraduate / 'I will succeed and thrive like no other' - Northwestern Statement [5]

Not a problem! Good luck!

I agree with bmaffei432. It is a great idea for a commercial... Sell it to Northwestern.

Undergraduate / UPenn Long Essay - "My passion for history" [6]

You are most welcome. I liked the essay. Like I said, I would set off the quotation, but, other than that, it was great. Topic is great. Good luck!

Undergraduate / "Leaders in the Making" - CMC Leadership - admission essay [13]

Yes! Your essay does answer the prompt completely. I think that CMC will really like your essay. It is different, but in a good way. Good luck!

Undergraduate / "Leaders in the Making" - CMC Leadership - admission essay [13]

We, as parents (or brothers in my case), unconsciously reach across the sofa and cover the eyes of our innocent children; so , where could we possibly even mention sex without having our faces torn apart? Ironically, these places are in psychology classes at any high school across the nation, all thanks to a little known man named Sigmund Freud.

Thank you, Sigmund Freud, for giving us the sexual revolution we so greatly needed!

Do you have a word count? At first, I was worried about the topic (thinking that the essay may be related to Playboy or something), but was pleasantly surprised. It is well-written and thought out! A few minor issues, but easily fixable. Good luck!

Undergraduate / UPenn Long Essay - "My passion for history" [6]

In mathematics , for example: there is no question about the validity that one and one is two. Mathematically, it can be proven and it cannot be disputed.

Only the facts remain relatively certain; however, even the same facts can be presented in a different light to favor a different argument.

How many countries can that be said about?

Personally, I would set the quote off by centering it and spacing it away from the text you write. I did not find that many errors. Comma issues, a misspelling, and a word choice issue. Otherwise, a great essay. Good luck!

Undergraduate / Commonapp-significant experience: My Failure to Launch [2]

Personally, I would start with the quote from Disney that you best like. I would italicize it and center it above the essay. You are a talented writer. I definitely felt the connection you were trying to make with the reader. A few stylistic errors, such as commas, numbers, etc., but great all around! Good luck!

Undergraduate / Undecided: every success we achieve we owe. [2]

These were children who had lost their parents and left alone with no one by their side; however , someone with sympathy and who felt responsible gave them shelter, food and access to education.

It was from that day on that I made myself believe that I have to put my best thought and effort in every activity I am involved (DON'T END SENTENCE WITH A PREPOSITION).

I have seen the considerable influence of that particular day on my high school life, and I am quite certain that the positive outcomes of that day will also play a major role in my contribution to the UF campus community.

Good job! A few comma issues. Don't end sentences with a preposition. Other than that, great. Good luck!

Undergraduate / Trinity Supplement ("Life isn't all about money, fame, and fortune") [2]

Ever since I could remember, my parents have always put the betterment for others before themselves. They would let senior citizens get ahead of them in lines .

They would even give Christmas gifts to all our neighbors in the cul-de-sac exclaiming that "Christmas needs to be celebrated by everyone for Pete's sakes!"

One may think, "Ah, that girl. She probably does such nice things because she feels the pressure to become just like her parents", or "Yes, yes, her. She's just kind to everyone because she feels sorry for those she helps."

What a great lesson to learn for everyone! Hats off to your parents for raising such a great person! It is great that you can write about your parents like that. Kudos! I did see a few mistakes with commas and quotation marks, but other than that---job well done! Good luck!

Undergraduate / Brown short answers (my interest, and why interested in Brown) [2]

I found my passion first inside, then outside of the classroom, and I want to nurture my understanding of social sciences at Brown University.

Brown knew how to market itself, and, if I plan to go into the business field fully prepared, I will need to learn from the best.

You did a great job of answering the questions. I found limited mistakes - just with commas. Great job!

Undergraduate / Common App Personal Essay - the summer that changed that my life. [4]

I think that the other tenses are ok. I just would change the last sentence to present tense because (I assume) you are still proud to be a Korean-American... :) Personally, I would use this instead (witness problem):

"After engaging and actively accepting thousands of years worth of Korean history and culture, I began to realize that I could not change who I am, no matter where I lived."

I would try not to use the same verb in the same essay especially with a short essay. You want to show off what you know.

Essays / hi i'm working on my college essay (my most memorable game) [2]

One of my most memorable games I had was when we played against Parkville high school. As the face-off time drew nearer, I realized that I was not alone in my trepidations about the game. I looked around the dressing room, and, for the first time I could remember I was not greeted with bubbly, almost excited faces full of anticipation. Instead, I saw determination, focus, and almost nervousness in the eyes of my fellow teammates .

The opponent team came back to lead by a point. We thought we had the control of the game, but it turned out that our confidence went against us.

So, we practiced harder than ever to beat Parkville on a second game.

I would not shorten the sentences unless you had to do so. Do you have a word limit? I would use confidence or something like that instead of cockiness.

Undergraduate / 'I will succeed and thrive like no other' - Northwestern Statement [5]

Northwestern has everything and anything a college freshman yearns for most .

Very few errors. The main error I saw was the use of a preposition at the end of a sentence. I originally did not like how you started the essay, but after reading the next sentence (tying all the school events and perks in), I loved it! Good luck.

Undergraduate / Common App Personal Essay - the summer that changed that my life. [4]

I was the first of our family to be born outside our native country, Korea .

I also learned how to play Pung-mul, a form of Korean traditional drumming, there; however, no matter what they tried, it felt forced onto me and I had no motivation to learn about my culture.

Sites, such as traditional Korean Buddhist temples and Korea's number one national treasure Namdaemun, a huge wooden temple in the middle of a bustling modern world, made me feel proud of my culture.

I was not only an American because I lived there, I was also Korean, and I am proud to call myself a Korean-American.

Watch out on your tenses! Sometimes you used past tense when you should have used present (like the last sentence). Good job! Very cool essay!

Undergraduate / "Procrastination is a killer" - COMMON APPLICATION ESSAY- NEED TO BE REVIEWED/CRITICIZED [2]

The pages of a family tree's documented history lay hidden, preserved not in a literature's hardcover binding, but rather in a loose compilation of papers, suffocated by the dust coating every inch within the crude wooden box they are kept in.

A second "global war" has besieges the country but luckily, his status as an only child renders him ineligible for combat; instead , he runs supply errands in his truck for the military and is showered in prosperity following the war's conclusion for his support of the secular nationalism.

Great essay! A little wordy though. I would try to cut down on the overly complex sentences. I got a bit lost in some sentences. Other than that and very few stylistic issues, it was great!

Essays / What is the best format for Personal Statement / SOP? [5]

It is generally easier to read and make notes on double-spaced work. I would say that you should use double-spaced - especially since you will use that for any papers you turn in while in college.

Undergraduate / Art isn't merely a hobby to me; Why do I want to attend Pratt? [2]

Art isn't merely a hobby to me-it is my love; however, as much as I loved to create, my parents wanted me to be in the medical field, to become a doctor or a pharmacist. During junior high, they had banned me from doing art.

I traded in my number two pencils for brushes and graphite blocks and my notebook for sheets of Bristol paper and canvases.

Here in the art studio, I can create the very stuff in my imagination inspired from the movies I've watched, literature I've read, and the world I live. ***Do not end sentences with prepositions***

To the students, art wasn't merely to fulfill a role of aesthestics- there was the thought behind it.

This discovery made me research Pratt more thoroughly, and I like what it offers and its location.

I like how Pratt is flexible with its courses, and from this flexibility. I would love to take advantage of the creative writing program because my art isn't limited only to pictures, but in written prose as well.

First off, I am glad you finally got to do what you love most. This essay was very good. Interesting...; however, you need to watch your commas and ending sentences with prepositions. Other than that, you did great. Good luck.

Student Talk / Word count limits and restrictions in essays [44]

Usually, if it is a short essay (under 400 words), the quote does not count in the word count unless otherwise specified. That being said, I would not chose a quote that is lengthy or complex because you will have a limited number of words to talk about it. Good luck