Writing Feedback / Internet marketing of four different business retails in New Zeland is depicted in the pie chart [2]

The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

A breakdown of the information about internet marketing of four different business retails in New Zeland is depicted in the pie chart. It is measured in percentage between 2003 and 2013. Overall, it can be seen that, travel and clothes decreased slightly, while other sectors witnessed a sharp incline over one decade period.

With regards to the two highest percentages of online business, in 2003, travel sector stood at 36%, dominated the whole proportions of sales, while clothes started at 24. Suddenly, the following year saw a downward trend of both sectors. The commerce in travel fall sharply to 16% and 29% for clothes, roughly a 8%-decrease per one decade.

Turning to the other two sectors, the sale for books and film/music sales saw the lowest figures in 2003, at 19% and 21% respectivelly. However, the commerce of books increased to 22% after ten years later. The film/music business experienced a significant growth to the highest level of 33%, dominated the other sectors at the end of period.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - People lived in small villages or big cities [2]

In the past most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?

These days most people tend to live in a big town and become more individual. While in few years ago they lived in countryside where they allows residents to interact each others in their neighbourhood. Although living in the small community has some drawbacks, I believe that those who settle in the village will receive more benefits.

On one hand, I agree that living in the rural area brings some difficulties related with insufficient accessibility. The circle of advanced technology only reach the village over a long time period. Thus, resident will face some troubles to connect with their families or relations in the other regions. For example, I have an interesting story while I was a student in the university. After finished the 1st semester examination, some of my friends decides to go home earlier and would complete their administration after the vacation. Though there was a long remain time. Unfortunately, while they spend an enjoyable holiday in their village, the university authority decided to change the deadline of administration. I could not make a call to them, though there is not a sufficient network in the village. As the consequence, approximately a tenth of my classmates could not have lecture for that semester. Thus, it is evident that a poor of communication in rural area can impede our activities.

However, I believed that people who live in small village will receive a great number of benefits. Firstly, they able to interact each other, thus create a friendly environment. Residents are not reluctant to ask for a help with their neighbourhood. Furthermore, this atmosphere can enhance human life quality. People will not be involved in daily problem, as they have become a family. Moreover, sharing knowledge in small group community can improve their comprehension and make a great impact to environment.

In conclusion, while living in the small village certainly has negative effects, I believe that positive impacts outweight all those bad sides.

Writing Feedback / Foreign language study by children in the first education level is more effective than in second [3]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather that secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is widely believed that studying foreign language for children in the first education level is more effective than in secondary school. While some educationalists recommended it, I believe that the drawbacks to study second language in the first year are more than the benefits that might be gained by children.

Admittedly, learning other languages is important for children. It is more likely related to their intelligence. The earlier they introduced to some languages, the easier for them to understand it well. The study conducted by Cynthia Garcia Coll, a researcher of Brown University, discovered that children at the preteen age will master other languages effectively than those who start to learn after this period. The student at secondary school will experience some difficulties to memorize words and practice the language in daily life fluently. Thus, it is evident that introducing foreign language for children as soon as possible, in particular primary school is good for their development.

However, there is a huge risk of studying foreign language for children in the primary school. One of the major considerable reasons is that, as the first education level, pupils still adapt to use their natural language. They can be confused to distinguish both of native and second languages. Thus, they are likely to suffer dyslexia, a common disease found in children of primary school. The problems include diff1iculties in spelling words, reading quickly, writing words, and understanding what one reads. The second reason is children who practice bilingual will experience some difficulties to interact in the society. They become reluctant to adapt and isolated in the environment. Moreover, pupil studying another language is possible to lose their nationality soon. They become more likely to learn other languages and have a better understanding of other cultures than their own.

In conclusion, while studying foreign language in the primary school is beneficial, I believe that children will receive many more drawbacks absolutely. Therefore, introducing children to both of native and foreign languages in formal education should be trained appropriately.

Writing Feedback / It appears that the youth crime rate have experienced a significant increase to the alarming level [2]

It appears that the youth crime rate have experienced a significant increase to the alarming level. While many factors might be attributed to this incident, I believe that the lack of education provided by parents and teachers is the main cause of this problem.

Undoubtedly, modern people tends to meet their children's economic condition rather than emotional learning. Parents spend much more time for work all day, so they lost opportunity to interact with their children. They do not deliver whether the bad and good behavior to perform in the society. The research conducted in the University of Durham, England, found that 83 percent of parents who work only met her children at breakfast and less likely to engage in deep conversations. They do not know their children activities and development. As the consequence, every 6 out of 10 children registered to have problems in school. Thus, the role of parents as the primary educators are very important.

In addition , the school as an environment where students spent the most time every day do not teach about social intelligence. One on the major reasons is the assumption that the best students who are have a high grades or attained some achievements, not the polite and social skilled students. For example, several students in favorite schools often won the competitions, but they also bullying their friends. Unfortunately, teachers did not notice this phenomenon because it is not the main form of assessment. Secondly, the subjects of religion and morality were taught about the values become a minority subjects in schools. It is due to teachers assigned students to memorize theories separately and not to practice in daily life . Thus, it is not strange if students do after school fights or other violence.

In brief, while several factors influence the increase of yougster in crime, I strongly believe that parent and schools are the primary determinant. Therefore, both of them have to effort a a systematic approach to keep their children.

Writing Feedback / Different views about whether children experience competitions or not to be a well-qualified adult. [2]

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believed that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adult. Discuss both these views and give own opinion.

People have different views about whether children experience competitions or not to be a well-qualified adult. While competitions have some benefits for children, I strongly believe that students are more likely to take advantages from cooperation method.

It is true that a sense of competition is beneficial for children development. The atmosphere of competition posses children to work harder and improve their ability for achieved a particular purpose. It is a good method to guided them become a successful person. For example, students will be learned seriously to compete with their classmate and reach the first rank. In addition, a number of popular singers engaged in various contests at a very young age. They have striven and sharpened their skills before attained success and become a famous artist. Therefore, encouraged children in the competition will guide to become successful in the future.

However, cooperation is more important to be encouraged for many reasons. Teamwork strives children to be an open-mind individual and able to communicate effectively. For example, the implementation of peer to peer learning in the classroom which allow a skilled pupil to help his friends who getting some difficulties in understanding the material. The implementation of this method teach students to become more respectful and helpful each other. Moreover, research found that, a cooperative person is more adaptable and survive to changes. Those who are cooperative able to manage a problem and solve it well. It is evident that cooperation enable children to be a useful adult.

To sum up, while motivated children in the competition is important, I believed that cooperative skill will prepare young to contribute their best and become more useful in the future.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Writing Task 2 The characteristic we are born will have many much more influence on our pers [4]

Research indicates that the characteristic we are born will have many much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Recently studies found that human behavior is more influenced by the nature of genes than experiences in life. While others argued that heredity affects personality, I believe that the experiences is the prime determiner of personality and development.

On the one hand, I agree that innate characteristics determine a person's behavior. It is more likely related to genetic code, as well known as deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) which is inherited from our parents. Thus, each individual has his own identity. In the field of behavioral genetics, Kazuo Murakami, Ph.D found that genes comprised of positive and negative genes which control human behavior completely. The activation of positive genes will lead genetic mutations to perform good behavior, and the opposite occurs while the negative ones active. However, the result also show that environment is the determinant factor to ignite both type of genes.

Nevertheless, I believe that experiences gained from environment have a greater impact on individual personality. One of the main powerful factor is family. A person might be born as a sanguine person, but raise in a broken home family. As the consequence, he could become a pessimistic person when he grew up. Educational institutions also able to influence individual characters. Some badly behaved children registered to religious school for trained to be a well-qualified individual. This environment could change their behavior, since they performed a good personality in society after finished their study. Moreover, human interactions in community provides many experiences that able to sharpen our talent and ability.

To sum up, it is evident that although heredity as one of determinant factor, I strongly believe that experiences has a greater impact to our behavior. Therefore, people have to choose the appropriate environment in order to plan a better-qualified future.

Writing Feedback / Pupils should be trained how to become a precedent parent. IELTS [3]

Some people believes that children should have formal training at school to become good parents. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

Pupils should be trained how to become a precedent parent. Therefore many people argued that education institutions should provide some parenting programs. While it is important for pupils, I strongly believe that the course is not essential taught in the classroom.

Pupils will experience some difficulties to understand about parenting. One of the major reasons is while the teenager years have covered physical maturity, but not with their psychological factor. They are still young and not ready to face the complicated problem such parenting. Therefore, it seem meaningless to introduce this course to students. Secondly, the subjects that have ever taught in the school have enough imposes for learners. The obvious evidence is that there are a number of students getting stress due to national examination. Thus, teaching parenting is going to present difficulties for learners.

On the other hand, becoming well-qualified parents does not require such parenthood training in formal education. Children can learn it naturally throughout their adulthood. Be based on research, it found that the development of children is more likely related to experiences outside the school. This ability allow them to solve problems and break challenges during their life. Finally, when they had a family in the future, this would guide them to be successful parents.

To sum up, it is evident that parenting program is not precisely to teach in formal educations. Children can learn it over their life-time naturally in their adulthood.

Writing Feedback / These days, advertising for commercial use appears to boost the volume of sales. IELTS [4]

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, advertising for commercial use appears to boost the volume of sales. A huge number of people vaying to buy such kind of brand name products. I strongly believe that most of consumers who purchase those not based on their primary necessities.

Advertising is able to drive the high level of sales. It is more likely related to the advance in information technologies that allows high intensity to promote a newly product. Recently, television has become a common-household property. A lot of products claimed as the best quality were displayed on the screen over the day, perform the best model to attract people. The other remarkable tools, smartphone accompanied with internet, makes companies possible to promote features intensively. Though, that modern people are hard to put their telephone down, they like to spend their time browsing marketable products on social account, such as facebook and instagram, where a heap of advertisements scattered. More often a product appear, it becomes more popular with all of its good value, and the consumer will believe and decide to buy it. Thus, it is clear that the high rates of advertisements will shorten the distance between consumer and company, furthermore increase the volume of sales significantly.

The more popular some products, the more desire consumers to purchase. Even, they do not need those primarily. Research found that a large number of women lure to buy absolutely precise product, such for fashionable. The women have had the red dress already, while they desire to buy the white one. The others purchase a new shoes, although the old ones still nice. This paradigm reveals that women doesn't need the feature actually, just a desire to own.

In brief, while advertising has power to drive a high volume of sales by introducing the best quality of products, I believe that most of consumers purchase something not as necessities, solely a desire. Therefore, consumers should make a shopping list to determine their priority.

 

Writing Feedback / Four different vehicles popularity and several reasons why people travel by car in the Edmonton city [3]

The diagrams of transport and car use in Edmonton.

The pie chart compares the utilizing of four different vehicles and the given table illustrates several reasons of people who traveling through car in Edmonton city. Overall, it can be seen that the figure for using car was by far the greatest of transport utilization. What is more? Most of people go on trip by using car is due to work commute.

A closer look at the data reveals that the proportion of car utilization is more than two fifths. While using Light Rail Transit (LRT) at 35%, is the second more popular transport in the city, the remaining of two groups, both bus and taxi shows a minority, at 10% of whole proportion.

A large number of people prefer car going to the other places because of work commute. There is two-fifths of inhabitants using car for taking their children to school while more than it, at 45% due to business traveling. However, the figure for shopping and leisure activities seen the least proportion, at less than a fifth.

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Writing Feedback / The proportion of education level among women in 1945 - 1995 [3]

The pie charts compare the proportion of education level completed by women in several regions in 1945 and 1995, a half century period. Overall, while a significant rise saw by women who schooled at the first degree level, those who were not educated and finished until the third grade saw a downward trend.

Initially, the percentage of women schooled at the first degree was fairly low, at only 1%. However, the figure increased dramatically over fifty years to represent the largest proportion at 50%, predominated over the seven groups. The proportion for both the year 12 and postgraduate were the minority in 1945, just under 5% and suddenly increase to a fifth, approximately a 20%-rise in five decades.

There was a significant decrease for either the percentage of women no schooling and the third grade, from 35% then suddenly decreased to represent zero in 1995, dissapear from the whole proportion. The percentage for those completed the year 6 experienced a 15%-decrease. The change was seen constant in the remaining groups, at one in ten throughout the period.

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Writing Feedback / The monthly expenditure numbers among Australian households in dollars per month [3]

The given table illustrates the average expenditure of Australian household in dollar per month between 1991 and 2001. It is noticeable that the demand for non-essential goods and services was by far the greatest of the six types of requirements while the figure for clothing showed the least over the timeframe.

According to the data, the requirement for non-essential goods and services stood at 250 and increased to 270 in 2001, and predominated other necessities throughout the period. The number of food increased slightly and just over at 160, a 5-dollar rise in ten years. The necessity for housing followed the similar pattern, stood at 95 and rose to 100 after the following years. However, the electricity and water experienced a significant rise from 75 to 120 at the end of period.

On the contrary, the remaining requirements witnessed a decline trend. There was a sharp fall in the requirement for clothing, beginning the period at 30 and fall to 20 during the year 1991 to 2001. The necessity for transport saw a significant decrease, rom 70 to 45 at the remaining of time.

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Writing Feedback / The bar chart illustrates the figure for tourists travelling through three major airports in NYC [3]

The number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000

The bar chart illustrates the figure for tourists travelling through three major airports in New York City (John F. Kennedy, LaGuardia, Newark) and measured in millions from 1995 to 2000. Overall, it can be seen that the passengers of LaGuardia airport experienced a gradual increase over a six-year period.

To begin, in 1995, the number of passengers for LaGuardia airport stood at just above 35. The following years witnessed a steadily rise to 50, almost a 15-rise over five years. Afterwards, it reached the peak at roughly 70 in 2000. Surprisingly, the figure for LaGuardia also predominated of passengers throughout the period.

There was a steady rise in the number of tourists going on by using John F. Kennedy airport between 1995 and 1997, from just over 20 to approximately 50. However, it decreased for the following three years and saw recovery in 2000. While, Newark showed a significant incline from 15 to almost 40 during three years and then it levelled off in 1998 onwards.

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Writing Feedback / The number of visits to two new music sites on the web [3]

The line charts present the number of visitations on two different music websites during fifteen days, a half-month period (measured in thousands). Overall, despite some fluctuation, over the period as a whole the levels of visits increase in both of sites. However, Pop Parade show more occasions throughout the period.

In the first day, the visitations on Pop Parade site begin in 120 and fall gradually. While the number hit a low of 30 over a week, it experience a significant growth at approximately 160 in the 11th day. Following that, the figure suddenly drop to 80 and then it show a gradual rebound at roughly 180 in the last day.

Turning to Music Choice, 40 of occasions surfing on the website rise to 60 in the following three days. Afterwards, the number depict a fluctuation during the fourth to the eleventh and significantly jump to 120, approximately a 100-rise in a day. The remaining of period show a sharp decline at above 60.

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Writing Feedback / Some attractions in England - which were the most popular? [3]

Percentage of tourists to England who visited Brighton attractions

The line charts compare the travellers going to four popular destinations in Brighton, England between 1980 and 2010. Overall, while pavillion and art gallery showed a similar proportions in 1980, both attractions witnessed a reverse tendency over 30 years period.

There was a significant increase of visitors in pavillion from 1980 to 1995 and hit the peak at approximately 50%. However, the number of visitors dropped sharply over the next 15 years to 30% in 2010, which was the highest of that year. Tourists of art gallery followed a similar pattern, beginning the period at just over 20% and rose dramatically, unlike pavillion reach the trough of under 10% at the end of period.

In contrast, 30% of travellers came to festival in 1980, and this proportion experienced a slightly decreased to 28% in 2000 and remained constant until the rest of period. The pier saw a contrary trend of those destinations. Despite of some fluctuations, the tourist show a gradual incline from 10% in 1980 to above 20% over the 30-year period.

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