vangiespen
Oct 12, 2015
Undergraduate / UChicago Essay Prompt: "Find X". (Wrote about my passion for computers and patterns) [4]
Mohammad, I find that your essay is quite interesting to read. However, your first paragraph is too long and does not really represent your quest to "Find X" in your life. Rather than this long winded paragraph that does not offer much of an insight into your personality, as a reviewer, I would rather have read about your own personal equation of Finding X. What to you is the formula for "Finding X"? What is the hypothetical outcome of this equation?
From there, the proceeding paragraphs should go on to explain how you plan to solve the equation. What is the formula involved in your theory? The response to it being the academic search that led you to the doors of UChicago. Now, having potentially solved a part of the equation, you should expand the formula to show how your involvement with the academic community of UChicago will help you resolve the equation and finally "Find X".
The last paragraph of your essay is highly effective in my opinion. It shares enough information about your future plans and how you feel your computation for finding X can still be adjusted to meet new parameters as they occur in your life. This has the potential to be a very insightful essay. Right now, all you have to do is make sure that your first 2 paragraphs shed light on your quest to "Find X" in your life and how UChicago can help you do that.
Mohammad, I find that your essay is quite interesting to read. However, your first paragraph is too long and does not really represent your quest to "Find X" in your life. Rather than this long winded paragraph that does not offer much of an insight into your personality, as a reviewer, I would rather have read about your own personal equation of Finding X. What to you is the formula for "Finding X"? What is the hypothetical outcome of this equation?
From there, the proceeding paragraphs should go on to explain how you plan to solve the equation. What is the formula involved in your theory? The response to it being the academic search that led you to the doors of UChicago. Now, having potentially solved a part of the equation, you should expand the formula to show how your involvement with the academic community of UChicago will help you resolve the equation and finally "Find X".
The last paragraph of your essay is highly effective in my opinion. It shares enough information about your future plans and how you feel your computation for finding X can still be adjusted to meet new parameters as they occur in your life. This has the potential to be a very insightful essay. Right now, all you have to do is make sure that your first 2 paragraphs shed light on your quest to "Find X" in your life and how UChicago can help you do that.