justivy03
Nov 24, 2015
Graduate / How I found my career ambition in Marketing and Communications- SOP for postgraduate application [8]
Hi Siqi, I'd like to share my insights on your essay.
First of all, it's way too long for an SOP, you have segmented your paragraphs to the point that it stretched over too long and it's
loosing it's appeal to the readers.
Let me help you out, one paragraph at a time.
Keep the first 3 segmented sentences below into 1 paragraph
- In my perspective, communication is a synthesis of strategies and art.
- I'velong been fascinated by this industry,
- Iwas lackinglack the motivation and incentiveinitiative .
- After a period of depressionwhen Iand suspended
- and won the people'sloveheart .
This is by far the remarks I made on the 1st few paragraphs you have. I'll get back to you for a few more.
Hi Siqi, I'd like to share my insights on your essay.
First of all, it's way too long for an SOP, you have segmented your paragraphs to the point that it stretched over too long and it's
loosing it's appeal to the readers.
Let me help you out, one paragraph at a time.
Keep the first 3 segmented sentences below into 1 paragraph
- In my perspective, communication is a synthesis of strategies and art.
- I've
- I
- After a period of depression
- and won the people's
This is by far the remarks I made on the 1st few paragraphs you have. I'll get back to you for a few more.