Essays / Global warming - help me for CAUSE & EFFECT essay [5]

Hello there, you know, you can find great articles by searching for "climate change" or for "global warming"...
Search your school database or Questia.com.
You can also use Google Scholar.

I hope that helps you! Find several great articles and write a few paragraphs about each.

:-)

Student Talk / Mining Engineering Schools in Australia - [8]

Great question, Shaun. I found a lot of info by googling "mining engineering."
Here is a good one... Google this: Mining Engineering Major - Info, Careers, and Jobs

Also, I found this great link for you...

careers.stateuniversity.com/pages/69/Mining-Engineer.html

:-) Does that help?

Writing Feedback / Journalist quality - should we trust the journalist? [3]

While some people assert that journalists are unworthy to trust.---This is not a complete sentence. I suppose their behavior can be understandable.

Everyone, undoubtedly, has his their own views towards a news story as we have different educational backgrounds and upbringing environments.---cool sentence! I just needed to make that small change.

Thus, it is too limited for correspondents to get the whole picture of the emergencies, which result in the imperfect in the reporting.--another great sentence. But it is not just emergencies... it is all current events.

In order to be an outstanding journalist, personally , learning to be neutral is a primary course, and what I mean is that the main duty for journalists is to present the facts rather than instill impose ideas abo ut right and wrong on audiences.

Journalists sacrifice a lot but receive a little, and they should be respected rather than be blamed.

:-)

Letters / "a letter to the hotel making the arrangements and reservation" - my formal letter [7]


I agree! That is really thoughtful, Martin. Thanks, I did not know how to express that...

And it is good to add the word "room"
... to reserve a room at this hotel for three nights.

Ali, you can practice by typing it again and trying to include these corrections. Do you have any questions about them?

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Advantages and disadvantages of wearing uniform [9]


This is an important issue. Tourism is a great source of $$ in developing nations, so the whole culture changes to accommodate tourism. Also, tourists litter everywhere. Here is something to help you... search google for this: GLOBAL CODE OF ETHICS

FOR TOURISM.

Many companies and organizations demand require their staff to wear uniforms.

Some people believe that wearing a uniform has a lot of advantages, while others disagree.

In fact, wearing uniform has both merits and demerits.

Everything in the world is like the double-edged sword, and wearing uniforms is not an exception, despite many plus sides.

As far as I am concerned, I think the demerit of wearing uniform at work can be avoided if there is a discussion about the kind of uniform that will satisfy both the manager and the staff in the company or the organization.----That is a wise idea!!!!!!

Graduate / "My Great ambition" - admission of Fulbright ( journalism and communication) [5]

Ken, you are a hero!

Hi Matiullah, these are great corrections. Do you understand what he meant about "education" without the s? Do not write educations

So, it will begin like this, according to those corrections:
One of my great ambitions from childhood was to become an educated and to continue my educations education to the highest level.

And here is some more correction:
Finding a way for it to happen was all I was thinking about. The field for which my family encouraged me toward was journalism, which was very interesting for me.

Try to type it with the correct grammar based on those corrections above. If you still have errors, we'll find them.

:-)

Writing Feedback / CLEP Argumentative - Uncomfortable truths attack accepted wisdom [5]

I feel like your first paragraph needs one more sentence. You build up a great sense of the way this phenomenon manifests when people "rock the boat" and challenge the status quo... but you need one more sentence at the end of that first paragraph to sum up the MESSAGE OF YOUR ESSAY.

Here is the message: "Thankfully, people are able to learn "uncomfortable truths," for without them we should remain in bloody and uncivilized ignorance." Move this to the end of the intro.

Revise these paragraph topic sentences so that they are worded in a way that supports the main argument/message of the essay:



The first sentence of each paragraph should be a PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCE. The topic of each paragraph is some idea that supports the main message of the essay.

So... just add definition by adding that thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph, and then revise the topic sentences to support that thesis statement.

Then, you'll need to add a conclusion paragraph...

:-)

Undergraduate / "a transient lifestyle" - My Cornell summer Application Statements [3]

Good ideas, here...
I think the second time you use "transient" you should choose a different word. I mean, you use two different forms of the word, but I think you should use an altogether different word the second time, like "nomadic."

Such a transitory nomadic lifestyle, if anything, has always given me...

a certain disconnection from school and life in general-----Great introspection here. And you write in a very sophisticated way.

The thing to do is make a clever connection at the end between the sport and the creative inclination that draws you toward your field of study that you plan to take up at this school. Be decisive about your course of study, because that is most impressive. And if you change your mind later, that is fine, too. But for now, be decisive, and make some connection between this essay and the overall purpose of the education you are planning by applying to this school.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Map of Garlsdon Town; industrial and residential sectors and facilities; IELTS [2]

For clarity, use "the" each time:

According to the map, the S1 site situated in the peripheral rural area of the town, while the S2 site in Garlsdon town centre is within a no traffic zone area.

The S1 site is in proximity to Hindon city, ...

There is a main railway, which passes through the Garlsdon town, and both the S1 and S2 sites have the same remoteness to this railway.

You did a good job with a difficult assignment. Some of your sentences are hard to understand but this kind of thing is hard to write about. When you do tasks like this, always try to make short sentences that give only one piece of information. Take your time, and use as many words as you are allowed. Explaining a chart requires a lot of words, so go slowly, and keep sentences simple.

Writing Feedback / Topic: Currently, many firms recruit employees with an equal number of men and women. [2]

Hi Doannga, do you have any questions about Annika's corrections? Do you understand them?

I want to make another suggestion about the first part:
It is common knowledge that women can effectively do work people in previous generations believed could only be done by men. which only men have been able to do for a long time as effectively as men. Thus, an equal number of men and women are currently recruited to work in many firms. In my opinion, having men as many as women on equal numbers of men and women in the company is a positive idea, because...

:-)

Research Papers / Completing the Carbon Cycle: The Future of Alternative Fuels [2]

Hi Jeannie, I came to look at your essay right away because of the great help I saw you give some other people. Thanks for your great contributions here!

What citation style are you using? If it is MLA, put the parenthetical reference inside the punctuation, like this:
What if a method could be developed that followed the same basic idea of photosynthesis using CO2 from the atmosphere and changing it into a synthetic fuel (Simonite). Well, researchers at the .... on just that; what's more exiting is they have come close to the solution. Synthetic fuel is expected to be ready for industrial use within ten to fifteen years (Squatriglia).

I think maybe you did not use enough citations. Every time you give some fact you got from a book or article, put the author's name in parentheses. For example, in some places, you can just throw in a reference to one of the people already cited in the paper.

Here is an example: ome individuals in the field of green sciences worry that creating a source of fuel that requires CO2 in order to be produced would create a culture of complacency (XXXXX).

This needs a question mark:
What if a method could be developed that followed the same basic idea of photosynthesis using CO2 from the atmosphere and changing it into a synthetic fuel? (Simonite)

(and when you use a question mark, the parenthetical reference goes OUTSIDE the punctuation. weird rules.

:-)

Research Papers / Paper on Global Warming Hysteria-Unsure of outline and possible topics [4]


It sounds like the prof is teaching you how to express bias in a way that seems objective! That'll get you ready to join the ranks for the modern media! :-)

Well, let me free you up: Do not constrain yourself to an outline for this or any paper. Instead, find the highest quality sources and write a paragraph about each important point that is made. Start each para with a topic sentence. When you have a collection of meaningful paragraphs, sort them like puzzle pieces into a sequence that works. At that point you can write an outline if you want to. But if the teacher is requiring you to make an outline before you begin writing, s/he is leading you astray. Get your information first... before you plan the presentation.

Might as well start with Noam Chomsky, the most widely cited scholar of the past 50 years: youtube.com/watch?v=_O3cNc2JoMA

Book Reports / "The Power of Emotion" - Hamlet for grade 12 english [4]

I think that first paragraph should have at least one more sentence to "sharpen" the theme of the paper. Make it a well-developed theme by adding a sentence at the end of the first paragraph after listing those subtopics. What is the connecting link among the subtopics?

Okay... you are doing well, but you have one more big thing to do... the most important thing. You need to look at these 3 facts you shared... and really, as this is now, it just gives an observation about each of the three and then gives an example... look at the three observations/facts and see what they teach you about life when you consider them all together.

Know what I mean? Look at what you have here, and find the life lesson. Make an assertion of that lesson... make a claim, and back up your cool argument. You have to look at the info you have here and come up with an excellent theme, and promote that theme in the first and last paragraph of the essay.

:-)

Thanks for all the help you gave in another thread!!!!

Writing Feedback / [Ielts] effects of living longer for individuals and society. [2]

However,the influences attended by the consequences of increasing life expectancy are becoming hot-bottom issues because both individuals and society are largely impacted in varied respects.----You have a nice way of writing!

No need to say "For the second." Just do this:
Second, employers are able to develop faster ...

To conlclude,aging issues are continue to exert effects on entire human race, whether we like it or not.

Whether it would be beneficial or adverse for us is not yet to know, and the outcome hinges on the efforts that the government would make.

:-)

Writing Feedback / <IELTS> should goverment control media crime? [3]

Wow, Katie, this is some good writing...
This will definitely set a bad example for the immature audiences who, lacking correct parental guidance and abilities to differentiate the right from wrong, are prone to go astray by imitating the...----This is a very impressive sentence.

It should be reporting and reflecting true phenomenon phenomena in the society. Violence, as one of the facts in the real world, certainly has to be reported.

However, excessive violence would offer misleading information to the public and exert detrimental influence to on society as well.

It was recently reported in the news that...

:-)

Writing Feedback / Mahmud Hesabi - building a statue of a famous person in your country [3]

Hi Mahrou, use a comma right before his name:
In my point of view, one of the most honorable people living in my city is my professor, Mahmud Hesabi. I think his statue should be built in my city.

Or you can do this:
In my point of view, one of the most honorable people living in my city is professor Mahmud Hesabi. I think his statue should be built in my city. Prof. Hesabi was not...

...best students of Professor. Albert Aniston and afterwards he trained many eminent professors in this field. ----Because you are talking about quantum physics, I think you might be talking about Albert Einstein. Is that right?

Additionally, as I said above he had great thinking near his teaching. He believed in many ethical principles in life and...

In conclusion, if a statue of a person is to be built in my city, I think Professor Hesabi should be the person, because he has great character both as a scientist and as an open-minded personality. will be the best choice.

:-)

Undergraduate / "An Environmental Architect" - Motivation essay [4]

Wow, Lindsay, oh my word, I can't believe how much time you spent here! I am going to check your essay right away in case I can help somehow...

Let's simplify this first part:
I am an Environmental Architect interested in studying human rights. It's not common for architect to study human rights, but when you see the relationship between them you can never separate them.---Awesome!

Do not capitalize here:
For example, my graduation project concept was...

Do not use &. Write the word and.

Also...
The place there will not only help the suffering people but also engage...

:-)

Letters / Letter of motivation for Russian and East Central European Studies. [2]

I found a little grammar error here:
My strong academic background in intercultural communication and my ethnic background (Russia) enables enable me to...

... make a contribution to the University of Passau.

In this regard my background in foreign languages will enable me to easily take classes in both languages.

I think you need a sentence somewhere in the first or last paragraph that tells the reader your main goal in your career. What is most important to you? I mean, what is your ultimate goal, the reason for choosing this course of study?

Also, knowledge does not need an s:
deeper theoretical and practical knowledge...

:-)

Writing Feedback / Coaches are the best teachers. Agree or disagree with this statement? [6]

What is crammers?

You can take out the hyphen and just write wholeheartedly as one word:
I wholeheartedly support this idea, that crammers??? are...

Weather is rain, snow, etc.
You need WHETHER
In conclusion, of course the choice of whether one-to-one study suits to you is yours to make, but in my opinion studying with coaches is the best way to improve your knowledge.

:-)

Some of this confused me. How are you using the word "coaches" here? To me, a coach is a leader of a sports team. Do you mean tutor?

Speeches / High School Salutatorian Speech (our class Valedictorian) [2]

Ha ha, you have a nice writing style, Andrew.
Use a hyphen:
speech-giving to ever have been delivered.---But was the speech-giving delivered? I don't think so.
...speech-giving ever to have been performed.

oh don't worry, there's more - and that this speech, the gold standard of commencement addresses, will inevitably presage the dawning of a new era of salutatory brilliance.----Ha hahahhaha, you don't need any of my help, this is awesome...

Now, I know what you all must be thinking right now, "Get out of my head."
Very good stuff, here. Thanks for sharing it.

When you give this speech, treat every line as a speech in itself. Do not ruin it by hurrying. Not even a little. If you have any extra energy, i.e. butterflies in the stomach, use that energy to ring each sentence like a bell, and then pause. Keep some attention on your feet and in your lower abdomen, and take in a deep breath before each part of the speech. Let your inhalations relax you, and let your exhalations pour out each line of this, one-at-a-time. I don't know if you know all these tricks or not, but I share them just in case.

I hope the audience understands all of it and appreciates it as much as I do.

Writing Feedback / St. Edwards Essay, Sibling and birth order influence [5]

Hi Amena, when you write, don't include anything like this:
The relationship between siblings is a very important relationship, it the one of the most long lasting and prevalent relationship in a person's life. You would not say that to anyone in real life, because it is too obvious, so do not say it in an essay.

Here is a better way to start:
There are times in life when we come across people who change our whole perspective on life. For me, that person is my own sister. Growing up in a very strict and traditional

I always lacked the confidence my sister had. She was always confident in everything she did, and was never scared about what other people thought about her. -----This is nice. You have great variation of sentence length.

Her presence and her support helped me become like her; she help me gain self confidence and helped me believe in myself.

:-)

Writing Feedback / IELTS; average weight of people; 'changing lifestyle' [5]

Excellent edit Jesus! Thanks for all that work...

In the contemporary society, individuals are inclined to get become obese easily, and their health levels seem to be declining in...

Capitalize Internet:
Referring to the reasons for those questions above, first comes the proliferation of Internet. Obviously, the Internet has...

been playing a significant role in various aspects of life, such as e-commerce, online reading, remote education,

In conclusion, the rising problems concerning the rising average weight and the decline of health levels cannot be ignored anymore.

:-)

Scholarship / "The opportunity to be part of LSE" - Scholarship for LSE [7]

Why do you want to add a paragraph? Is it less than the suggested length? Less is always more in writing.

I really like your ending! Very good idea...

...to observe economic phenomena from different perspectives.

The economic dilemma Pakistan has been facing for 65 years shapes the lives of people live in this country.(Right here, add a sentence that lets the reader know what your main idea is. Then end the first paragraph. Know what I mean? Before ending the first paragraph, make your main point.

The damaging impact of poor economic conditions ...

Oh... I really like your writing style.

The day I realized this, I became...

responsible and I set two objectives for myself. -----One word: myself

Let's keep it simple here:
To achieve second self setting target, I started with...

Besides, life turnouts unfolded unexpectedly in ways that only strengthened my passion, determination and motivation.---I changed it to the past tense.

...situation my family faced reinforced the fact that I need to be part of the future which provides significant job opportunities for families so that they can survive under such conditions without worrying about income. ---I made some small changes here.

This is brilliant! I think they will recognize a serious student.

Writing Feedback / Essay for IELTS: The position of women in society [3]


Right after this sentence, before you end the first paragraph, I think you should add one more sentence. Add a thesis statement that sums up your whole essay. Can you express the main idea of the essay in one sentence?

Spending a lot of time alone and being less cared for by parents, children are experiencing an increase in their levels of stress. The new generation cannot obtain...

By the way, many youth are getting accustomed to doing what they want without considering its negative and positive points.

On the other hand, there are many positive effects of increasing women labourforce. ------Of course there are... but I don't think this should be the focus of the essay. Your argument should be like this: Women and men both can earn money, and they both can raise the children, because gender equality is appropriate in the modern world.

In conclusion, I prefer to think women should work in part-time jobs while their children are at school, kindergarten as well. -----Okay, but I don't think they should work part time. If a woman has a career she loves, she can work full time while the man stays home! :-)

Writing Feedback / Better to watch a movie in a cinema or at home? an TOEFL [4]

Quanue, do you notice this great idea from Mahrou? It is a simplification:
here is the possibility that t They can watch movie at midnight or at six o`clock in the morning.

That makes the sentence easier for the reader, and when you give the reader fewer words to interpret the reader's EXPERIENCE of your writing is intensified.

:-)

Research Papers / The story "Godfather Death" - A question of origins [6]


Ha ha, that's cool... I love clever manipulations of language.


No wikipedia entry?

Oh, I see that there is one but it does not give you what you need.

Well... in your search, did you see this one? -

grimmstories.com/en/grimm_fairy-tales/godfather_death

Scroll down to the notes. It is tough reading, but look at one sentence at a time. Whenever you have difficult material to read, do one sentence at a time and stare at the period at the end of the sentence until the meaning sinks into your mind. :-)

The age of the story is proved by one of Hans Sachs's Meister Songs in the year 1553, which is to be found in a MS. collection of Meister songs in Berlin [. . .] in which first the Devil and then Death is rejected by the peasant. -----This is an excerpt from those notes. Follow that link. But it still is not clear!! It is weirdly written.

I get the sense that this is the kind of story that is retold over and over and dates back to some oral tradition... the Brothers Grim got it from a traditional story...

Tough assignment!! I am afraid there may not be any specific time period! But you can get through this tough assignment by writing about Ireland during the time period when those Grim Brothers compiled their stuff!! :-)

Grammar, Usage / Speculating Causes Essay - Causes of Crime, Sentence Revisement and Errors, Passive? [3]

Generally, people's motivation to commit crimes comes from impoverished...


Yes, just look at the subject of the sentence. Crime is the subject of the sentence. So... you want to make it active, so you have to make it so that the subject of the sentence is doing something instead of having something done to it.

Sometimes, people commit crimes because of circumstances that are out-of-the-ordinary, without any thought, and other times they may commit crimes after great consideration, as in most robberies; however each criminal commits a crime for their own purpose.

:-)

Scholarship / My passion for Computer Science (to do research abroad in third world countries) [4]

Put the citation right after the quote:
Although computer science is defined as, "the science that deals with the theory and methods of processing information in digital computers" (Dictionary.com), I see it from a different perspective. --------Also, I changed in to from.

Despite my passion for programming, I was unsure if I wanted a career in the field -- but when the Nano-Photonics department specializing in CS and EE explained how they integrated there studies with Medicine to modify a cell phone to operate as a microscope, I was intrigued by this concept. ----------I added a dash to help manage the long sentence.

This is so great!! You will be well-received.

:-)

Research Papers / How do others and clergy see their job in ministering to the imprisoned offender? [2]


No need to capitalize prison here.

Okay, about the citations... this is APA, right? If this is APA, you are supposed to put the year of publication in parentheses with the name of the author (Hacker, 2004).

Here you need "asks"
The correctional brief asks the ...

question: "do they act proactiviely, or do custody staff members request their assistance in defusing potential disruptive situations?" (Author, year)

If you do not have the date of the brief, you can put (XXXXX, no date)

But anyway, that is what you seem to need to know. APA uses (author, date)
Look at the rules online by googling: APA, purdue, citation
That will help you find a good resource.

Undergraduate / "a student from China mainland" - MY APPEAL LETTER TO undergraduates U [5]

Excellent! But in that first paragraph, do not capitalize "fortunately" and do not capitalize "waitlist."
Another unnecessary capitalization here: Another Big big insight is that...

Well, I know you are going to do very well in school, because you have the most powerful kind of magic -- passion. Vitality and energy... they are contagious, and the reader will love you for lifting her spirits.

I think you do not need to talk about the size of the school, and you do not need to talk about the location. These are mundane things. Talk instead about your detailed plan for the future. You have specific goals and interests, and I bet you read every day because you are trying to learn all that you can about YOUR SPECIAL INTEREST. So, what is it? What is it that you are all about? You can talk about how you love the school BECAUSE it will enable you to carry out your plan in ways that other schools cannot.

So, design a plan that requires you to be at this school, and give details. Cite articles.

Most importantly, make it so that each paragraph is about one big idea. One paragraph = one idea.

:-)

Essays / Passing By Nella Larsen (a literary analysis paper) [5]

Is it easier to read the book or to post the question and wait for answers? If I answer, I will be saying the same thing you find if you look on Google for it: Passing, Nella Larsen, analysis

Google those words, and you will find articles where people talk about the book
But have you tried actually reading the book? You might really like Larson! If you have trouble understanding it, though, read some analyses of it. That always helps.

:-)

Undergraduate / "What experiences have led you to consider medicine" - PLME ESSAY [10]


Oh! Clever... very good... I like your idea.

Okay, the whole thing is written very well, but you need to do more to share a concept with the reader... some special idea that the reader associates with you. For example, you might have a particular vision of where you will work in the future, what is important to you, etc. Just give the reader one concept to latch onto. What will be your theme?

To help you establish the theme, I suggest moving this paragraph way up to the beginning. Not the very beginning, but maybe you can make it paragraph 2:

The Pre-med course at the (XXX) is a perfect start for anyone passionate about medicine. It is the perfect stepping stone towards the profession that uses hope as the glue to hold together pain and recovery. The undergraduate and graduate programs encourage the research interests of the students. Any opportunity to ensure me the privilege of entering this complex world, I value highly, especially a college like (XXX).

I suggest moving that up to the beginning so that the reader will know what you are all about and what you want to do. Just like a candidate running for office, you should say, "This is who I am, and this is what I am going to do!"

But I want to adjust this part:
The Pre-med course at the (XXX) is a perfect start for anyone passionate about medicine. It is the perfect stepping stone towards the profession that uses hope as the glue to hold together pain and recovery, because it has _________________ (name something that makes it unique among available schools).

Study the unique characteristics of this school, not just the stuff from the website... and show how it is an important part of your plan.

:-)

Writing Feedback / computer in spite of teachers [4]

Yep, that seems right. I also wanted to mention that you can use it in a singular way if you use "the"-----The computer in my bathroom does not have a web cam.

Ha ha, that is a stupid sentence.

But anyway, this is wrong:
Computer in my bathroom does not have a web cam.
It needs an article, like "the" or "a"--- A computer in my bathroom...

Also, when you talk about an invention, you can use "the" like this:
The computer, one of the most important inventions of human beings, has tremendous...

:-)

Writing Feedback / Languages That I Know [5]

In the first paragraph, you gave a lot of information, but I was left wondering what the main idea of the essay was going to be. Try to add a sentence to that first paragraph that will tell the reader the main idea of the essay.

I have learned Tigrinya since I was born, and this made me to speak it well.---I made a small change to this sentence.

*** You speak English well, too!!Very impressive. You can make money as a translator...

Don't give up. Keep going. Who knows? you might teach others one day. --I made some small changes for the punctuation here.

Students become teachers.---Excellent, that is true.

:-)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past [6]

Yes, carefulness is okay. Some people just write "care" to mean carefulness, so you could do that, too.

:-)

Essays / Essay topic: Climate change - global warming / thesis statement [11]

Well... start by making a list of ideas you remember from the ceremony. Did you take any notes? Did they hand out any information?

Make a list of things you remember, and that will be the way to start.

Use one sentence to share an idea, and use the rest of the paragraph to explain it. One paragraph = one idea
:-)

Grammar, Usage / CONJUCTION EXERCISE (edit the following passage about DNA fingerprinting) [4]


Don't put a space before the comma. That was probably just a typo...

Anyway, I think you two figured it out correctly. Do you have questions about why Ershad added that colon, did a sentence break, etc?

Undergraduate / Application Essay about how i messed up in high school (my record) [12]

Trim the fluff from the beginning and get right to the point. Let the intro be like a punch to the stomach that really gets the reader's attention:

She When I was in junior high school my mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, split personality disorder and manic depression. All of these issues that she struggles with didn't arise till I was in 8th grade. At first, she worked hard to manage her illnesses and addiction, but the illnesses progressively ...

Because of these problems that my mom has, I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety since sophomore year in high school. ---Oh... um, yeah, actually it might seem like you are making her responsible for your issues. But if she is not allowed to say you caused her depression & addiction, you are not allowed to say she caused your depression & anxiety. Know what I mean? Instead of placing the responsibility on her, you can talk about a chaotic environment that resulted when you and your mom both confronted your demons together. That will no longer be a sob story at all... it will be something that makes a great impression.

School teachers and counselors failed to understand my predicament, and thus they were unable to help me. ----Again, here... it is a simple, subtle change that makes a big difference:

I was not able to make my teachers and counselors understand my...----------See the difference? If you always put responsibility on yourself, the reader will have a ton of respect for you.

:-)

Writing Feedback / new technology school buildings wouldn't be needed in the future [4]

Hello Ismail and Annika, great work here.

I'll add something that you may not know... the word Internet is a proper noun, so it is supposed to be capitalized!

Also, this is the way to use the FUTURE VERB TENSE:
In the near future, I think there will be no need for school building and the traditional way of teaching.

Undergraduate / "The smell of chocolate" Application to The Art Institute of California - Sacramento [4]


This is a good catch. It's not really okay to write "ever since I can remember," because it does not make sense grammatically.

Also, I like the way Eric's suggested changes improve the variation of sentence structure.

Katherine, do you see what is wrong with this sentence as you had written it? --->
"Working hard and successfully juggling many responsibilities at once is something I do daily and is a skill that will make the kitchen The Associates Degree in Culinary Arts will help me..."

follow my dream of owning a high end restaurant, with the experience I will earn and variety of classes I will take.----This is too obvious. Of course it will help you follow that dream, and you will get experiences from the classes, but you should try to add your own unique THEME. Do you know what I mean by that? Use a concept, some special word that the reader can think about when trying to understand you. I think you might do well if you use a theme like "flavor" or "chocolate." Use some word a few times and let it add to the meaningfulness of the essay.

:-)