Writing Feedback / IELTS: International travel brings more benefits than its de-merits [5]


.... You need to attend to grammar, but with practice you'll be alright. Follow the corrections suggested by others seriously and memorize them. Let's try to fix a few grammar errors;



...."have bring" is wrong.... it should be " have brought" ... Here it should be;
In my opinion, more advantages have been brought by international travel.


.... this is wrong... you can say;
It speeds up/ It is speeding up


which lacked resources/ which was lacking resources

Writing Feedback / Ielts: The cement and concrete making process [11]



...."subsequently" makes " then" redundant. You can either take off "then" or;
The powder is then goes through the mixing process prior to being carried into the rotating heater.


.... this information is not presented by the graph.... I guess you need to talk about things that are more obvious.
Anyway, you have detailed out the process very cleverly :)

Writing Feedback / What's more useful: purchasing a business or a house? [6]


... annually ripe interests? ... that sounds a bit awkward :( Do you mean that you can reinvest the profits you earn from business?


...this is another confusing sentence.... Write shorter sentences with simple vocabulary that you are more confident with. If you have inappropriate words, they can confuse the reader by giving a very different meaning to what you write.


Another good point about purchasing a company is that it makes people feel more responsible as well as independent.


In conclusion, I believe that purchasing a business brings more benefit to a person than purchasing a house. .... this is a very simple sentence, but a lot more clearer and interesting to read than complicated stuff.... In writing, what is more important is to keep the reader alive through what you write.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Certain professionals are not paid well for their services; Do you agree? [2]


.... this has happened and still continue to happen. So write it in present tense;
It is true that certain professionals like nurses, doctors and teachers play a very significant role in society.


Moreover, their victorious achievement bring so much glory to their nation and needless to say, they inspire many lives around the world with their special qualities and capabilities.


Therefore, with out any doubt, these people are excellent role models who influence the lives of many of us.

Writing Feedback / Where would you prefer to live? Small town or Big city; existence of facilities' [3]


this is grammatically wrong. Have a look;
Furthermore, living in a big town is easy and convenient ...or ....Furthermore, one can live easily and conveniently in a big town.


.... daily work
Since there are many facilities available in big cities, the city dwellers can handle their daily chores without much hassle.


...move is not wrong, but commute is a better word;
.... therefore people can easily commute from one place to another pretty fast.

Writing Feedback / St Augustine was the first individual who read silentlz; A silent force [4]


There was a legend called St Augustine and he was the first individual who read less aloud, as it was the practice of reading during his time, but semi-aloud.


.... I cannot grasp your idea here :(


Literacy influences the economy of countries today


.... You need to be concerned about the clarity of your sentences.

Undergraduate / "Which one is the smarter twin?"- Common App; background or story [9]


We have analogous interests ; we both love reading and writing, eating dumplings, ???? (wish you have one more common interests here)


"We think the same" - I feel you better change this slightly, because this does not happen one to one in real life even if both of you are twins;

We share very similar thinking and perceptions.


I suppose my interest in individuality stems from the reason that I lacked it in my own life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Young people today have more power & influence than previous generations [3]


.... your sentences are pretty incomplete. You also need to have a logical flow of ideas.
First, technological advancement happened in the 21st century is much higher in contrast to the previous eras.


.... What's the link between this and the technological advancement which was mentioned in your previous sentence?
This essay has a sporadic scatter of ideas. I think you should re-organize your ideas!

Writing Feedback / Increasing a number of students are choosing to study abroad [6]


On the other hand, studying abroad is not always beneficial. or even you can say; On the other hand, studying abroad also has its demerits.


Most of the international students often face challenges and difficulties, especially at the initial stages of their academic career.


Typically, living far away from their homes cause them homesick that may lead to many negative consequences such as getting involved with harmful relationships, alcohol and drugs etc.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-Smoking kills and hence should be banned! [5]


... I wish you said this a bit differently;
Furthermore, smoking freely in public places may set a bad example to the younger generation even promoting them also to try smoking.


... You better elaborate a bit more on this in order to link this idea with the previous one;
Since smoking could cause many serious health issues, it is always better to take measures to prevent younger generation from the habit of smoking. Therefore, a ban on smoking in public places would help young children being not encouraged to smoke.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Write a complain letter to manager about mobile phone is not working [5]


.... I think here you are going one step further. What your prompt actually asks you is that to write a complain letter informing the manager about malfunctioning of the mobile phone. I guess you should stop at that and should not extend the case to any more further steps.


... and believe that you would give your serious attention to this complaint.

Writing Feedback / Formal exams and Course Assignments; Which is better to assess students? [6]


.... you have some grammar errors here. Need to work on that! .... Also, why only in developed countries? Even in the third world countries, majority schools examinations to assess their students' level of competence!


... This sentence has issues. Better re-phrase it.


.... this sentence is too long and crowded with too many words and ideas. Have short and simple sentences that effectively deliver your ideas.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Negative effect of modern life's pressures on family life [6]


.... These two lines have some issues with their expressions because they do not seem to flow smoothly and convincingly. Why you specifically pick lives in big cities? Your prompt is open to all modern lifestyles irrespective of people live in cities or rural areas! I think you need to be careful with grammar too;

The modern lifestyles of people , which are heavily influenced by technological advancements, are very different to what they were in previous eras. However, some people blame that they apply too much pressure on family life and it works negatively. I too partly agree with them.

Writing Feedback / Difference between Two Close friends [8]


She has black skin and short hair, but her looks are able to impress many people at first sight. Also, when you compare their characters, again there are major differences.


.... who is Thea? Is it the same person as Thao?


... this is confusing :( .... " person who prefers the girl to cry" ?
At school, she would lead bullying others.


But she is very lazy and at the same time very clever. For example, she never does homework and manages everything with her intelligence.

Graduate / PA School Personal Statement- Generalized, Not School Specific [6]


... I feel the content is pretty good and you've presented it nicely. :)


...:D ... I believe that being plain and simple is better than being too complicated :D .... Well, this is not bad, but you certainly can bring in more emotions to this response. That would help you impress the panel more. For example;


I still remember how dreadful I felt the day that my twin sister, Kayla was rushed into surgery with her lung collapsed. That was the first time I was introduced to the PA profession in my life.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Advertisements make us waste money, or make our life easier? [7]

I think ah_zafari is right. When it's agree or disagree, you have to go by your opinion only. If you choose agree, then you should reason out why you agree and vice verse. You need to talk about both sides only if you take a moderate stance, i.e. partially agree and partially disagree.... Also, as zafari mentions, you need to tackle both sides for the topics that ask you to discuss your viewpoints on both sides.

Writing Feedback / Let's protect our Earth; Effects of Global Warming [4]


Global warming is defined as an increase in temperature of the earth.


This is a very serious and dangerous issue that requires everybody's concern over protecting our earth.


Nowadays, many natural disasters occur in contrast to the past . For example, endless series of hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, Tsunami that took place very recently prove this latest development.

Writing Feedback / An short essay - ways and reasons why people are escaping from the reality. [4]


.... I like "constant rush". Also cut down its length;
Nowadays, we live in a constant rush and face stiff competition with one another. We are uncertain about our success, career, and at times, about our future too.


Although we can do this in a positive way, some people follow many other destructive methods to flee from reality.


People with weaker personalities resort to easy methods to escape from reality. They may consume drugs or alcohol simply in hope of finding a temporary relief for their problems.

Writing Feedback / IELTS To what extent should economic planning be influenced by the need of environmen [3]


.... concerning & bothering give a redundant feeling to the reader.;
Nowadays, protecting environment is one of the most concerning issues because it has imposed a great threat to the survival of earth.


.... why you separate individuals and government here? it tends to confuse me :(


It is obvious that economic planning should have a great focus on expanding educational infrastructure, health services as well as employment opportunities. .... now you need to tell that economic planning should accommodate environmental protection planning as well.

Writing Feedback / IETLS; Should government spend money on preserving language? YES [6]


Some people think that governments should spend money to protect the dying dialects of small communities while others think it is a waste of money.


.... both sides and both opinions are the same.
This essay aims at analyzing both these views.


.... why don't you use direct speech more? It can present your ideas with better clarity;
Some people view that government should allocate adequate funds from the budget to prevent these languages from extinction. They feel that these languages represent the culture and values of those small communities that deserve to be protected and passed down to future generations.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL; There are three main reasons why people attend college or university [4]


People usually have themselves enrolled with these institutions for several reasons.


.... better you link it with the college;
First, people attend college in hope of preparing themselves for future careers.


....."acquiring knowledge"


... why do you insert this line in between.... for me, it does not make much sense :(


you gain experiences... so replace the word get with "gain"

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Too much emphasis on examinations [5]


.... very true.... I too hate exams :D


... this sentence needs improvement in terms of clarity;
No sooner the children begin elementary school, they are forced to battle against a great enemy called "tests" . .... hey, this is a bit too much :D


... avoid making your sentence too complicated.


Overall, nobody can deny that tests and examinations play a very important role for the betterment of any education system.

Writing Feedback / The role of teacher in modern society [6]


.... because ... be mindful about spelling mistakes!


.... "classic teacher" does not sound proper. You can say "a good teacher", "an exemplary teacher" etc. ... But this sentence does not convey your idea clearly and it sounds pretty confusing. I feel this is what you are trying to say;

A good teacher need to be open minded and willing to accept new methodologies of teaching because these methods keep getting updated everyday.
I think you need to work on your essay structure a lot. Follow the essay structure that dumi has proposed and read others essays to grasp it better.

Writing Feedback / Teaching children how to be good members in society is parents or school role ? [3]



...hey, this is not an issue. It is only a view about who plays a major role in cultivating good manners in children. Saying this, you tend to go out of topic :(


...those who disagree with this, point out that school has greater responsibility in this regard.


... my advice is to avoid writing very long sentences and making them too complicated with too many words. You may get carried away by this habit.

Those who believe that school plays a more vital role in teaching children how to become good members in society, argues that children spend more time in school than at their homes.

Writing Feedback / GRE: Mason City residents & Water sports - Argumentive Essay [3]

Residents of Mason city constantly complain forabout the quality of river water and the river's smell but that doesdo not ensuemention about the increased use of the river for water sports at all.l. This is because, author does not have evidencesenough evidence to prove that these residents complainsare based on usingfor thecleanliness of the river in order to use the river for recreational activities. It might be possible that the residents have only health concerns and they are only worried about the in-hygienic conditions of the river that may cause diseases in the city.

Writing Feedback / Reliance on Technology to solve problem will deteriorate humans ability to think [4]

... exactly :)

.... this is a well written introduction... The only point I notice is that you don't talk about excessive dependence of technology by humans which is the core of your prompt. When you introduce the topic, I feel you better mention that aspect too.


... I too vote for Dips... Your writing is excellent :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS: profits from natural resources make people ignore to preserve natural world [4]


Even though this issue is becoming more and more serious and dangerous, still there are effective solutions for protecting the environment.


First, governments should take action in order to prevent misuse of natural resources. They need to introduce new laws, standards etc. in favor of protecting environment.

Also, governments need to corporate with one another in this regard. Protecting environment should be looked at as a global need though every human being needs to be conscious about it.

Writing Feedback / Cracking Down The Laws of Bullying by Pandora Campbell [5]


Being bullies was once an innocent and playful act. However, it has now turned into a very destructive and more violent action.


... I feel you better use a different expression instead of "the more"
Advancement of technology has a strong correlation with the severity of bullying because the bullies make use of technology to harassing others.


Bullies have habits that they either had in their early phases or what they imitate from their predecessors.


Cyber bullying is now an emerging form of bullying which keeps growing with technology and has alarmed the society in a major way.

Writing Feedback / "If at first you don't succeed, try and try again" - TOEFL essay [9]


or " high and low"


First, there is nothing that is impossible if you have a determination and will.


... I feel this is not meaningful


.... In writing, don't use numbers... have the word form


... I too feel so... Is this for a speach?

Writing Feedback / IELTS - good changes can be brought in life without major difficulties. [6]


.... very true.... however, I like if you said something about how change is inevitable and therefore people need to perceive change differently.


I agree with dumi... You are slightly off-track :(
You have very good writing skills - vocab, grammar etc. Read your prompt carefully and align your writing to what it asks for.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Students are more interested in politics today than those in the past. [4]


...need to improve :(
In this advance society, politics too have become very complicated and they, either directly or indirectly, have a hand in everybody's life. Therefore, politics have become a popular attraction by many different social groups including the sphere of students too.


.... tell the reason first;
First, the rapid technological advancements especially in the field of information and communication technology, paved the way for students to have speedy access to political developments in the world. For example, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube etc, enable students to be updated with the latest political news.

Writing Feedback / Happiness of working that one can achieve is the best in this world [3]


I like if you introduced the topic first. Have this one to support the topic theme.


To begin with, employment makes one feels happy and contented because it opens a door for him to fulfill his responsibilities towards both his family and society at large.


The more responsible you are, the more respected you would be.

Writing Feedback / Today, new media is springing out and bringing convenience to everyday life [2]


... another way of expressing this ;
As a result of rapid globalization, media industry keeps flourishing stronger than ever before.


Still, among all forms of media, I regard books as most effective for communicating information.
I like if you introduced the other forms too that you are going to talk about in forthcoming paras.


... it can update the audience much faster than book and almost instantly.
This is a good essay and you write well :)

Writing Feedback / Share the Dorm or Choose my own Roommate [5]


Generally, the student bodies of many universities consist of students with diverse cultural and social backgrounds.


.... this is sharing and not dividing.
In many instances, the students are required to share their dormitories with other students. ... I think this is enough and now you can straight away tell them what option you would like to take out of the given two options.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Students from rural areas find difficult to receive higher education [5]

In recent years, the concern for the students who are living in remote areas has aroused the attention of the public because universities seem to be quite difficult for them to entreenter .

ConsequentlyAs a result, many people contend that actions should be taken to allow these students to access higher education easier.more easily.


... this is too lengthy :( Make shorter sentences - it would surely improve clarity and presentation.


"stumbling block" is the right form.

Writing Feedback / Why do crime rates increase? How to arrest this issue? [3]


.... what are these needs? you need to tell that to the reader;
Some people tend to commit crimes due to social pressures such as unemployment, various forms of discrimination, family issues, financial problems etc. However, there are others who get involved in criminal activities because they have too much time for idling.

Another worrying trend is that there are many criminals for whom the crime has become as a habbit habit and in this case another way to deal this problem would be severe punishments which would stop people by applying fear.

.... you have a tendency to make spelling errors - be careful!

Writing Feedback / Criticism of Modern Primary Education System [6]


For what the law does not enforce, the society does.


If you choose to fall out from the traditionally typical path you would find yourself end up with a minimum wage job helping you to barely manage your needs, no social recognition and a cruel disappointment to your parents.

Writing Feedback / In my opinion, daily homework is necessary; Reasons & Examples [6]

Follow dumi's suggestion. I think the structure she recommends is very logical and effective.


In another case, one might not understand things better in a classroom setup when the teacher keeps talking. This person may want to have more practical exposure to grasp concepts.


They might learn in school. But how many of them would take such teachings to their heart?

Research Papers / Education in Rural Cambodia;Paper for Development Cooperation [6]


During their visit, this group of New Zealanders have visited public schools in rural areas of Cambodia and observed the limitations of facilities enjoyed by the students. They lacked resources in both school and classrooms such as low supplies of books, poorly trained teachers and librarians etc.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; How to reduce traffic in cities? Should it be by reducing the need for travel? [4]

I am sure you can present this idea much better... show some creativeness in your writing!


Thanks to the invention of the Internet, today we do not face geographical and time barriers the way we faced with in previous eras. For example, a businessman can perform his transaction with one of his foreign counterparts without any difficulty though he is in a far away location or a different time zone.

Overall, a good essay.... you write English very well :)