Undergraduate / "Chemistry through Cooking" UIUC Academic interests essay [3]

When I was seven, I had made my first Cucidati.

This passion changed during my sophomore year however, when I discovered the excitement and gratitude of academia. ==I don't think 'gratitude' fits here, are you sure that's the word you want?

But what, specifically, did I want to do with chemistry?

During the summer of my freshman and sophomore year, I washad been a volunteer baker at my mother's church.

I knew I loved helping people, so what about a carrier in Medicine?---Quite an abrupt topic change!

As I look back, I realize that although my once lifelong dream of becoming a chef has...

I like how you tied these together, the cooking and chemistry, pharmacist.
Good luck in school!

Undergraduate / The Appalachia Service Project - Does this essay explain how ASP impacted me? [2]

That's what I was told before going on my first trip to the mountains of Tennessee, fixing houses for people in need.

I knew no one going on the trip, and I didn't expect to make friends with the other kids. I disliked doing house chores and wasn't eager to work on other peoples' houses. ---Were you forced to go? How and why did you go in the first place?

First, I was surprised at how similar the people there were to me, as many of us shared an enjoyment...

Second, I was surprised by how rewarding it was to fix a

Back in Appalachia as a junior, my first day of work was dramatic, as the woman whose house we were fixing suddenly came outside crying hysterically.

Undergraduate / "Application of statistics" to appy to the school of engineering at Rice University? [2]

If the sentence starts with a number, write it in words:
Forty-three percent of all women will ...

Is this really important enough to be the sentence at the end of the first paragraph?------> Common reactions would be to ask what the numbers mean in relation to them, the application in modern society.

However, I have an almost overbearing interest ---no, don't say overbearing interest. Overbearing is not quite the right word. Talk about being an analytical thinker and someone who has deep appreciation for numbers.

Okay, and it is not good to focus only on statistics. Statistics are means to an end... the important driving force behind your motivation toward engineering is something more important than just the numbers. Engineering is more than that. Read a journal article that interests you for inspiration, and then maybe revise this so that it includes a second theme.

:-)

Essays / Political Science Essay Question - formulating a thesis [6]

To make a strong thesis statement, say something interesting. To say something interesting, say something that some people would disagree with. That is the key. You have to write a thesis statement in the first paragraph, and make is a statement that is the sort of thing that you need to spend a few sentences explaining.

For example, state an opinion about censorship that not everyone would agree with.

:-)

Essays / Essay on communication / cross culture and media studies! How to start it? [5]

You have to argue against it. Do you know what it means? I bet some readings got assigned. I would be interested in learning what they are.

This is all about whether the Internet can improve journalism. You should write one paragraph about reasons to support the argument and another paragraph about reasons to deny it.

If you need to find articles to help you get ideas, google this:
Internet web metrics journalism

Also, Google this:
Internet revolutionize journalism.

The trick is to read a few articles and write about the ideas you get as you read.

Essays / UF essay: "A Trip To Remember," diverse background. [2]

I grew up and to this day live in a multi-faceted life where I am immersed in both a Muslim Sri Lankan culture and a Catholic Salvadorian culture.

Given the opportunity to experience many cultures, I have participated in the Islamic tradition of Eid, celebrating the ...

However, among the many cultural opportunities I cherish, the most meaningful was when I went to El Salvador ...

I grew up living around my Salvadorian father and family where I learned Spanish fluently and was immersed in the culture, however, no matter how culturally authentic it seemed, American culture...

... trying my best and challenging myself academically, truly makes me happy and having an affinity toward knowledge and discussion only accelerates my passion.

I believe the only thing lacking from the educational environment is passion, and the University of Florida will benefit from my academic passion for hard-work and helping others.

You're a good and interesting writer, I liked all your descriptions of your trip, the raw sugarcane and wild horses. Good luck in school!

Undergraduate / MSU Biographical Statement for Graphics Design Portfolio [2]

By the age of 11 years old eleven, I was interested in art and design.

... and then I began creating some clothing ideas on Barbie Dolls with latex balloon fragments.

Throughout high school and beyond, I have been creating a large amount of artwork, have participated in several college student art shows (Charettes), and have created graphics for local DJs, and Web Designs for friends' journals.

I find that art in all its forms is a source of expression, relief, and an outlet for emotions and energy. This is a great sentence!

I did not become fully interested in Graphic Arts until my second year of college, when I began using Adobe Photoshop CS3 Extended daily.

...Mark Lulek had a great impact on my life and made me realize how very important Art is to me.

After coming to this realization, I became eager to combine my love of Art with my passion for graphics programs, and to pursue a career in Graphics Design.

Once I receive my Bachelors of Fine Arts in Graphics design, I plan to pursue the career that has always interested me, and that is to work for a company like Walt Disney or a Gaming Studio like Lionhead Studios.

Undergraduate / "sports medicine and physical therapy" - Academic goals- Madison App [2]

Sorry we didn't get to this until after the deadline, but here's your essay;

In order to complete this goal during my freshman and sophomore years, I pushed myself to excel academically by...

During freshman year, I decided to get involved in clubs and sports to create a well rounded overall high school experience.

... and may have reflected the grades I received. At times it was stressful to try and keep up with school and the other activities I had going on, but being involved in these clubs has taught me to prioritize and balance my responsibilities.

This leaves it unclear as to whether you're saying your grades dropped, or if your ability to prioritize has kept them up.

Undergraduate / "Scottie's story" - CommonApp Essay about an influential person [2]

In my brief seventeen years, I have become acquainted with numerous notable individuals.

As a young (no comma here) African-American/Polynesian, ...

After being incarcerated for the next thirteen years, he was released. It was three days later, in our church services , that I first met him.

In our brief four month friendship, Scottie has taught me many life lessons.

... thirteen years of prison has humbled me and has taught me that no matter what may happens to us, in life, we can make the best of bad situations.

When I first heard Scottie's story, my first thoughts were, how is it that I have been personally shielded from...

You really have a way with words, you're a very good writer.
Good luck in school.

Undergraduate / Pitching "Corner of the Plate" - Common Application Significant Experience [2]

You're an excellent writer! I am hardly into sports at all, but your first paragraph had me spellbound and excited.

The pitcher looks back at the runner, slowly lifts his...

The ball blazes out of his pitchers hand, spiraling towards the...

While most kids aspire to be the next Derek Jeter or Ken Griffey Jr. while they are younger , I was always the kid who wanted to be like Mariano Rivera and Randy Johnson.

I made this into two sentences, because I thought it sounded more in tune with your writing style;

I couldn't make contact with a ball if it was placed directly in front of me. Grounders would roll right through my legs like a croquet ball through the wicket.

In one year my fastball increased 20 mph, leading me to make the school baseball team and pitching several games.

They were gritty, dedicated, and had the greatest desire to win out of anybody I've met to this day. This is great writing.

The end of your essay was great too, the way you linked it to the beginning. Good luck in school, but also plan your first book!

:)

Undergraduate / "value over success" -EARLY ACTION - UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO SUPPLEMENT ESSAY [2]

The University of Chicago will not only help me succeed, but guide me in finding my purpose in life.

I dream of becoming a journalist.

Although UChicago does not offer a communications major or minor , it has opened my eyes to a different path.
I think you should reword this sentence to something like; "Although I began my search for the perfect college with a communications major in mind, what I learned about the Univ. of Chicago has set me on a new path." It makes it sound less like you're 'settling' for that school.

The outstanding Political Science and Public Policy majors that UChicago offer , and prestigious professors like John Mearsheimer, have satisfied my requirements for an education.

UChicago helped me find my true aspiration. I want to speak out for the unspoken . I just had to google this, because I didn't think it sounded right...it turns out 'unspoken' is fine here. Thanks for teaching me something new!

A journalist does not write about journalism. Good point!

The diversity of the student body has led me to feel comfortable as a not only a student, but as a human being.

When I walked into the quadrangular, I had this boiling energy rise inside of me.
It made me believe that I am University of Chicago.

Graduate / 'Three girls and no boys carrying my name' - Physical Therapy PTCAS essay [3]

A mere five years later, I had acquired two more sports, under the coaching direction of my dad.

I became accustomed to working hard, not only for the benefit of myself, but for my teammates and for the win.

My love for this game began with the first swing of my Wilson Hyper Hammer at eight years ol d, and my passion for it has never waned.

By my early teens I had already painfully discovered the effects of Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness (DOMS).

Working out and became my new obsession.

This is a great lead-in for physical therapy. You're off to a good start!

I don't know why so much of my edit shows up in red, sorry about that, it looks confusing.

Undergraduate / "theoretical and practical aspects of science" - Michigan: "Why I want to attend" [2]

That is why I willthink or believe... that the University of Michigan is the perfect place for me - the Undergraduate...

... has no equivalent anywhere else, and it just so happens to be one of my main interests in Computer Engineering: Computer Architecture.

The availability of this course at the University of Michigan is yet another reason for my applying to the University , since most other universities only offer this course at the graduate level.

I think this is great. You covered some qualities which attracted you to the school, a nice description of specific classes you'd like to take, and how they would fit in with your plans. If you'd like to make it longer, you might personalize it a little, so your essay will stand out from the others. For example, you might tell something about your ideal career and how attending this school specifically, will help you reach your goal.

Undergraduate / "How do you express your inner world" - help with UNC Chapel Hill essay? [2]

...and I discovered that photography was much more to me than what was in the picture.

They are tangible memories, moments frozen in time, and visual story- tellers, that can be more thought provoking than Socrates.

Imagine how many people have walked on this road, how many lives has this road has been a part of?

... the camera lens captures something greater than what is before me .

Just like how using glasses helps you see the world around you, seeing through the camera lens helps you see the world inside of you.I like this sentence!

------------
In first grade, I wrote down in my class yearbook, "My favorite subject is writing.

I felt proud when I learned to do writing." (Yes, I spelled favorite without the "v").

I think both versions are very creative and answer the prompt nicely.

Undergraduate / My Newfound Independence - UC Prompt 2 [2]

The United States did not seem to be what my mother had originally described.

I didn't understand why we had to leave Germany, where my family all lived together in our beautiful brick home.

It was an easy adjustment at first, as my siblings and I went to school while my mother worked.

I am proud to have discovered my new found independence.

I think you covered all areas of the prompt just by giving the piano lessons! Nice essay, good luck in school.

:)

Undergraduate / "Layers of Wisdom" - Common App: #6 Topic of Your Choice [2]

...stand at the ready, waiting to be employed at any minute.This is good writing!

Perhaps with all this individualism, you are already imagining me as an overflowing cup. I am not yet complete. I continue to change and grow - to savor...

The myriads of colors that crowd my closet, though of plain fabric and simple cut, have given shape to my life.

I am more than the sum of my parts. I am everywhere I have been, everything I have seen, every word that has flown ...again, great writing!

Undergraduate / "Recon" Significant experience Common App Essay - Critique and help in shortening? [3]

I really like your opening paragraph!

It turns out that my moment wouldn't come in the beautiful marble halls of Pemberley, nor would it come in the shadows...

There was no dramatic music, were no dazzling lights leading up to the moment, only my voice surprisingly firm and strong, assuring her "No, not all U.S. soldiers support the war and Bush."

... and more importantly, the men and women fighting for our nation, that it left me annoyed at her.

Truthfully, I had just faulted my friend for a comment I had made before.

In that instant, the adolescent bubble that I didn't even know was trapping me had been burst.Cool sentence!

Each Iraqi town was not only another moral dilemma for the on screen soldiers to deal with, but also...

Unbeknownst to me, I had created a faux world around myself where the only matters of importance to me concerned my friends and family.

I had assumed that anything without a direct correlation to me was of no value, so...

I can't even say "I put on my superhero uniform every day " like Sgt. Rudy Reyes...

Undergraduate / Environment influences & why you chose to apply - UCF essays [2]

The environments I grew up in have shaped who I am today.

... we celebrated each others differences, and even tried to learn each others cultures.

What I've learned from each of the communities, like integrity, discipline, and respect, have formed many of my core values.

-----------

...different colleges, most of which were of no use to me.

...for I really feel like it could be a perfect fit for me, and I could in turn contribute a lot of my personal traits and international experiences. to it.

Undergraduate / "usefulness is created by software" - Illinois: academic interests or personal goals [2]

New paragraph;
Since childhood, I have always tried to make everything in my life simpler, because I have found that simplicity is efficient.

... and implement simple software into existing habits and practices .

Even the first technologies ever implemented , such as sticks and rocks, were simple, adaptable, and fit into the habits of the ancient humans.

...it should mesh with the current habits and intuitive actions of humans, instead of humans being required to modify existing habits to use the technology. Good point!

I desire to carry this philosophy that I have been subconsciously and slowly developing since I was a child ...

Imagining my future as a system analyst or project manager excites me, because...

I want to enjoy living life, and I believe that I can doing something I enjoy: making technology simply work. Should the word 'simply' actually be 'simple'?

Undergraduate / "a cultural problem" - Jerome Fisher @ UPenn Essay [2]

My birth name was Jerome Fisher, but I had to have it changed because it might have resulted in a cultural problem.You should explain this part about a 'cultural problem'.

For example, love complements hate, because the presence of both allows a person to react in both amorous and dolorous times. Likewise, business complements engineering.I really like this, it works well for this essay. You're a good writer.

A businessman will know how to interact with people and identify their needs very well - he better know how, if he wants to create a successful product and sell it wisely.

The closest I have come to such an amount of work...

So although applying to M&T is indirectly a plea for buckets of work, it will not be unexpected.Nice!

I can already hear the phones ringing with the voices of office executives at the other end, offering me a job! at the other end!

Scholarship / To Fill an Obvious Void in My Community [3]

It is my hope and my dream to in some way change the lives of others in a positive way.

I was not fortunate enough to have many advantages in life.

I never fail to impart something positive to those I meet.

Life has handed me many challenges which I have overcome, but I know...

Undergraduate / (lifelong career as a nurse) Why I want to be a Buckeye OSU APP ESSAY [3]

Although I had been so set on leaving home, I decided to visit the Ohio State University, just ...

I felt comfortable and at home on campus and I was definitely infected with the Buckeye spirit, after just a few hours on school grounds.

I could see myself driving to school every day , more excited than I've ever been to go to class and learn.

Undergraduate / "a great catalyst for my journey to enlightenment" - Rutgers Prompt [2]

Each person is an individual, but few are truly unique.

Peer pressure from society has deprived the people of their individuality in exchange for their acceptance into a group or clan with an interest in spreading their beliefs.

I live to discover myself beyond the grasp of social barriers, a motive which became activated at a milestone of my...

... the experience of entering an entirely new habitat, many times larger than Highland Park, caused a loss of identity which commenced my quest to define myself.

...after enduring myriad pains as an outcast, my mindI began to realize that I needed to solidify my identity, to overcome the forces of peer pressure.

The clubs, the people, and the areas of study will not overwhelm me, but rather it will be the medium through which I utilize to create my portfolio of life.

Living in a small town like Highland Park, I was limited by boundaries, but at Rutgers, the variety could make up for the past.

Undergraduate / "is to study physics and the universe" - The purpose of my life (common app essay) [2]

During 8th grade, I had the wonderful opportunity...

During the course, the teacher also introduced us ...

It proved so captivating that together with two other students I finished the book during the course.

As with many fascinating things, it left a lot of unanswered questions, ...

While the whole of the course was an unforgettable experience, the part of greatest importance to me was the one time that I decided to go on a one-night trip to observe the night sky in the desert of Shahdad.

There in the heart of the desert the light pollution from the cities is minimal and stars and the stars in the clear night sky appear at their brightest.

and I hope that one day I can inspire others to do the same.

Writing Feedback / "Choosing a house pet and pet responsibilities" - this is a classification essay [2]

Everyone at some point in their life has had, or knew someone with a pet.

... and most importantly, what will the responsibilities will be .

There is nothing to do but be by alone.

The responsibilities consist of, feeding, bathing, walking, training, and most important, loving.

These are two of the most common types of working pets.

The responsibilities of a working pet are similar to a house pet, except for the training, which is more important and time consuming.

With these advantages, there are many responsibilities.

Undergraduate / "obtaining a masters degree in Human Resource Management" - Rutgers admission [3]

Four years after graduating from high school, I come to Rutgers University to fulfill...

I will be sharing the classroom with students who have the same goal, and whom I can relate...

The internships available will in give me experience in my field, and a possible position after graduation.

Rutgers, being the largest University in New Jersey with a total of more than 50,000 students, will provide diversity...

I will take full advantage of all the clubs and activities the school offers, such as Minority Business Student...

Research Papers / Autism: (financial hardships, effects on siblings and parents)- technical report help [3]

Autism is not a simple developmental disorder that can be cured with medications or a few trips to the psychiatrist.

It is a serious disorder that affects people differently, and because an autistic child has leaning disabilities it is important to take extreme care of the child.

Special services at home and outside treatments are available, but are very expensive...

ReceivingObtaining a diagnosis is often the first financial hurdle that many families face.

With fees ranging from $300.00 to...

Some families skip meals to save what little bit of money that they can, to support their child in treatments .

Most families make drastic changes to their family practices and behaviors.

Keeping a regular schedule and eating well balanced meals is very important for the child.

Attending to a friends party or a barbecue might seem easy, but...

Autism affects the families enormously.

Better understanding through education, for friends and families, can bring more awareness about the disorder.

Undergraduate / "Energy from Me to You" - How can you contribute to Howard University and its legacy? [2]

I never knew it would be so hard, writing about myself .

I have much confidence in myself, I just love doing for others.You really don't need this sentence, it has 2 different subjects that would be better to 'show, not tell'.

I'm currently preparing a Volunteer Week with the Leadership Counsel at my school.

Helping the Los Angeles Community become more Green, and connecting the Environmental Club, a club I participate in with Leadership.Not a sentence. Revise for clarity.

I was given the Best Actress award from the Making Room at the Top film program for my excellent acting and positive energy.

Eli Villanueva, the director of the Los Angeles Opera that I had the honor of working with in his community opera, informed me ...

I generously allowed the other cast members to get in front of me, but a reminding them of what Eli had told me.This makes you sound conceited, and sounds as if the opera was your own production, as you 'generously allowed' them, yet 'reminded them'...

Book Reports / Oedipus Rex was a kind heart-ed soul / Thesis help [5]

When you finish your essay, we'll be here to help edit!

Research Papers / Pearl Harbor:Did FDR know in advance about the attack? [3]

You need to do the research yourself, write it out, and then we can help you! Do you mean you need to know how to write a thesis statement? Here are some sites that can help you with that.

indiana.edu/~wts/pamphlets/thesis_statement.shtml#assigned
owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/545/01/

Undergraduate / "friendships with my co-workers" + "interest in WPI" -Short Answer + WPI Supplemental [2]

I had decided that I wanted to start ...

Tropical Smoothie Café had just opened, and I was hired as part of the first crew.

It wasn't your typical fast food restaurant, as we were very personal towards customers, even using their names.

I had put myself into an environment ...

Over time, I developed deep friendships...

I think it says a lot about your personality, the fact that at such a young age you were so mature and responsible!
------------------------

I have heard only good things about WPI, and after researching it online I was impressed, to say the least.

I noticed the IMGD program, and it amazed me how perfect a match this would be for my interest in making video games. How about 'designing' or 'creating' video games?

I was astounded after reading about the attention from Curt Schilling and other gaming companies; I knew I had to visit. This sentence could stand to be revised for clarity.

... I graduate, it would have prepared me for a good job and a good life for myself and my future family.

Undergraduate / 'Unless someone like you cares a whole lot...' - Spelman Admission Essay [5]

...it was to change the world for the better, and I honestly believe that I can.

My life has been a continuous process of trying and failing, but while I've yet to be completely successful at everything that I've attempted, I know that I've given my greatest effort.

I'd always managed to make a decent grade and pass the exams, but it wasn't until my sophomore year that math and I had our true confrontation.

I was taking Algebra II and I was surrounded by freshman in what was supposed to be a Sophomore class and unlike me, they were all on good terms with math.

For some, that seems the natural reaction, but surprisingly it's not.

... raising money to donate to various causes, hosting car washes, food drives, clothing collections, and highway clean ups.

nice essay!
:)

Writing Feedback / Why You Shouldn't Get Excited on the Golf Course [5]

Well, if so, then you've experienced the calm quiet golfers, the beautiful scenery, and the absolute boredom that comes over you after the first hole.

"Hey Maegs! Let's go golfing! "

As he stepped up to the tee, he took a...

"What the? Con that squirrel has my ball!" Connor turns around, looks in the tree and starts cracking up.
"That would only happen to you."

"OH MY GOSH!! I'M SO SORRY CON!" Don't capitalize these words!

cute essay!!

Undergraduate / "My Machiavellican Dilemma"-Common App Option #2 [5]

...trying to get students' problems solved.

They may also tell you that I am a girl who participates in as many activities as I can and that I am an idealistic "granola girl" with a "peace-and-love" attitude.

I guess that is why it came as no surprise when I discovered my desire to study political science.

Run on sentence: all that it had given to him, I disagreed.
Do this: ... all that it had given to him. I disagreed.

Plural: heartbroken widows, orphans, and mothers without their sons.

...charging farmers fees while pointing guns at their heads), I also ...

Even if it's hard for me to accept it, can Machiavelli be right? ---- Machiavelli was a person I would not have gotten along with very well. However, when war is already present, it is important to learn from the wisdom of people like him and Sun Tsu, Miyamoto Musashi, and so on.

If you want to ask if he was "right," you have to quote him.
This is a very good essay, but the beginning does not go well with the end. I think you can revise the intro para so that it expresses the main idea instead of talking about your thick glasses and ... okay, I know what to do. It is great all except for the last sentence of the first paragraph. Change that last sentence so that it accomplishes more than just telling the reader pol. sci. is to be your major. Instead, tell them this:

It is not surprising that I chose to study political science, because I have strong opinions about urgent issues, but I also have been wrestling with a subject about which my views have been challenged: pacifism and war.

By doing that, you will be introducing the theme of the essay.

Essays / Performance Enhancing Drugs in Sport or on the Veronica Guerin the Journalist, Thesis [2]

Hi Emma,

It's important to have a thesis that is not obvious and that some people might disagree with. If it is something no one would disagree with, then it is probably obvious. If you are just trying to think of a thesis before you read any articles, you are doing it the wrong way. You can't have a meaningful opinion about something you do not have deep understanding of.

So... right now if I had to think of one for you I might say, "Performance enhancing drugs represent a problem that will never be solved, because new synthetic drugs are always being created."

But that is kind of a stupid thesis!! I don't know a good one because I have not read any articles about this. But if you read 3 articles and write a paragraph about what each author says, you will get a good unique idea... it'll be your own strong opinion about some observation you make regarding performance enhancing drugs.

If people were having a conversation about this topic, what would you say to contribute? Read some articles first... :-)

Scholarship / Engineering, For Msc admission in TU Delft (how to answer these six questions). [2]

...because it represents advanced knowledge related to my previous degree, and I think I can perform better by doing this.

Capitalize the word "I" and the first word of every sentence.

It is a fact Pakistan is an underdeveloped country, and master level education is not well developed in Pakistan.

There is little emphasis on research work during in MSc and PhD, and there are only 2 universities that are offering Masters in Geotechnical engineering programmes.

The Primary motivation behind my selection of Tu Delft is the it's excellent Geotechnical Engineering department due to its faculty and lab facilities, and secondary is that the language of instruction in university and dealing with local community that is in English.

Such studies I believe are indispensable for my future development and will benefit me throughout my life...

I am mentioning here the great work that I have done with help from our beloved teacher and chairman of our department, Dr. Syed Tahir Ali Gilani, who taught us Excavation Engineering, and we have done a Design of Tunnel under his supervision during our studies.

... to solve various Geo technical problems. By getting advanced knowledge of ...

Last semester, I taught the subject of ...

:-)

Good luck in your studies!!

Graduate / "This body is in trouble, what does this body need?" motivation towards becoming a PA [2]

This is an interesting essay! It's great that you react quickly in a crisis.

I would add "already" here:
was already giving our address to the 911 dispatcher.

You should make more time at the end to talk about how this bad experience with your aunt had a good effect because of the way it showed you your path in life as a professional. Say something humble at the end to express gratitude, and that way the essay won't seem like you are bragging at all.

Most important: fix the opening paragraph so that it is understandable. I don't understand who was telling you to keep the wheel straight, be ready for the Expedition to hit, etc. I guess you are talking about what you mentally told yourself. Just indicate something like this:

"Okay, take your foot off the gas, keep the wheel straight, and be ready for this Expedition to hit you from the side," I told myself as my 1984 Corvette spun out of control. had a low center of gravity, making it a perfect car for intentionally pulling doughnuts - or unintentionally spinning out in the pouring rain.

Let's not talk about doing doughnuts; it might reflect negatively on you in the AO reader's mind.

Essays / Your job before and after graduation/A special place that turned not so special- idea [3]


It seems strange to have this as a prompt, because some students may not have had any jobs in the past.

Also, it seems strange to capitalize OR like that, as if it is not alright to compare and also contrast...

Anyway, if you plan to be a psychiatrist you must have at least a few ideas about what schools of psych you like and what kinds of clients you want to work with. You can discuss the job in a way that shows you have done some research. As you compare it with a current or previous job, try to keep a common theme -- a single observation that you talk about in maybe three different ways throughout the essay.

Graduate / "to become a competent manager" - My future goals after finishing the MBA program... [2]

An elderly fisherman floats on a tiny handmade boat in the Amazon, wondering if he will catch food for his family to eat that night.

No matter what the story, television and film are powerful means of communication...

The XYZ MBA program is exactly what I am looking for in my next step toward a professional career.

I will learn valuable lessons in team leadership , communication, cost management, and strategic thinking.

...I believe such an undertaking would not only benefit my goals and myself, but also...

My tasks have included developing ideas for programming, writing scripts, interviewing stories, ...is this right?

Over the course of my career, I have learned that production expertise complements well with business and a...

Undergraduate / Intellectual experiences + Mexico City - Peace Corps essays. [2]

Great opening paragraph!!

... personal growth which comes forth when one is immersed in a environment different from our own.

While traveling in India, I had the opportunity to work with a woman's social justice organization.

My experience with this organization eased me into self-reflection, and I came to further realize how privileged...

I believe living abroad for 27 months would allow me to gain greater humility, international awareness, and further develop my cross cultural skills. These three qualities are crucial to better understanding our diverse society. Upon returning from the Peace Corps I hope to obtain a law degree with a focus on family law and serve underprivileged communities. The experience gained from this international experience would enable me to better serve these populations.This is very impressive, also nicely written!

... I introduce myself as American, which leads inquirers to question my heritage.

After traveling to various regions of the world and participating in activities which strive for social equality , I can no longer see, and solely live through the fixed gaze of the West.nice.

Essay 2:

I figured I'd done something to give away the fact that I wasn't born or raised in Mexico.

My Americaness has provided me with privileges and access to resources which only a small percentage of the world's population can claim.