Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 - Which of Australian household elements use the biggest amount of energy? [3]

Hi everyone,
Please check out my essay and give me some advice. Please feel free to give corrections, I would more appreciate it if you score my essay. I am really thankful for all of you who help me improve my IELTS writing skills.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

TASK1 - Australian energy household

Generally, the two biggest usages of household energy use are heating and water heating, while water heating and other appliance both play pig role in greenhouse gas emissions.

We can see from the fist pie chart that in terms of energy use, heating accounts for the highest percentage in the six terms, which is 42%, and water heating occupies the second place at 30%. Although the percentage of refrigeration (7%) is smaller than other appliance (15%), it is still lower than the two percentage, cooling (2%) and lighting (4%). The percentage of cooling is the smallest that the percentage of heating is 21 times bigger than it.

On the other hand, the percentage of water heating plays the biggest part (32%) on the chart for greenhouse gas emission. Other appliance ranks the second position in the six aspects, which is followed by heating (15%) and refrigeration (14%). Cooling remains the smallest percentage (3%), and its percentage is much lower than lighting (8%). It is obvious that only in terms of heating, the percentage of energy use is bigger than greenhouse gas emissions, while the other five aspects have smaller percentages of energy use than greenhouse gas emissions

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2 - Is punishment a good way to teach children good manner? [6]

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

the punishment lesson

One important stage in a child's growth is certainly the development of a conscience, which is related to the ability to tell right from wrong. The skills come from a period of time and good parenting. For me, parenting has not much to do with this, so I disagree most of the given statement.

For one thing, the question depends on the age of the child. To punish a child is both wrong and foolish since the child wouldn't understand what is happening and why he or she is punished. If the child is old enough to understand, encouragement for good behaviors and discourage for mistakes would be better ways instead of harsh punishments, which might cause some negative situations.

In addition, teachers and parents should provide good modeling in their own behavior to help a child learn the difference between right and wrong. Then, if needed, the punishment should not be physical, it may send a message that it is acceptable for large people to hit the smaller ones, which results in the child starts to bully the others. Also, punishments should not be any way cruel. Instead, teachers and parents can use a variety of methods to deal with the child such as withdrawal of privileges or time-out. Making the punishment fit the crime is useful, the child would understand that being responsible for its mistake is important. For instance, pick up the rubbish they have dropped, clean up the area thay have messed or apologize to someone they have hurt.

In these wats, responsibility is developed in the child, which leads to much better behavior than does punishment.
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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2 - Should university students' study orientation [3]

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Other believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

ESSAY

Forcing to study some subjects

Some persist that the freedom for university students to select courses on their own, while others regard useful subjects such as science and technology significantly. Personally, having the freedom to choose what to study and learning useful knowledge from required subjects both seem reasonable to me.

First of all, those who hold the second statement have their sound reasons. A key point lies in the fact that allowing applied subjects can offer necessary human capital for economic growth. Economic and social development, especially in those underdeveloped countries has a huge demand for talents in science and technology. Therefore, university authorities should devote limited financial resources to those required useful subjects as a priority.

On the other hand, people who insist on the first statement also have a strong voice. It can be observed easily that the freedom to choose or interest-oriented study can motivate students' potentials to a fuller extent. Students' interest in a particular field undoubtedly leads to their passion to explore and investigate, which may bring about in this area. Secondly, such freedom is more beneficial to students' all-round development. For instance, art courses cultivate student's taste, math enhances logical thinking and analytical ability, accounting molds patience and carefulness. Some may argue that these benefits are irrelevant to practical skills that the useful or required subjects can bring to students. However, no doubt that practical skills without logic, analytical skills and carefulness may do harm to students' future career.

The discussion cited above demonstrates two viewpoints regarding study orientation o university students. The former focus on the significance of the applied subjects which may provide economic growth and social development. While the latter concerns about the importance of freedom to choose courses which leads to multiple improvements. Thus it is safe to conclude that both statements are both convincing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 - Fairtrade coffee and bananas in five countries [2]

Fairtrade-labeled products - sale numbers

The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade-labeled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five Europian countries.

ESSAY

The two tables contain sales data for Fairtrade coffee and banana in 1999 and 2004, in five nations of Europe. Generally, we can observe that UK and Switzerland both play significant roles in sales of Fairtrade coffee and banana in 1999 and 2004.

The first table shows low-level coffee increasing in all five countries, despite the widely varying degrees. In two places sales increased by the same small amount: 1.8-2 million euros in Denmark, and 0.8-1 million euros in Sweden. The growth is slightly larger in Belgium, from 1-1.7 million euros. Meanwhile, the sales in Switzerland doubles, from 3-6 euros. Finally, in the UK there was an enormous increase, from 1.5-20 million euros.

In the second table, it is Switzerland which stands in the first place buying for more Fairtrade bananas than the other four countries. Sales figures of Switzerland burst from 15-47 euros across these five years, while in the UK and Belgium sales only grew from 1-5.5 and from 0.6-4 million euros respectively. Sweden and Denmark showed a different pattern, which decreased in banana sales from 1.8-1 and 2-0.9 million euros.

Comparing the two tables, it is clear that in 1999 Fairtrade coffee sales ranged from 0.8-3 million euros in these five countries, while banana sales also mostly between 0.6-2 million euros, with Switzerland at a huge 15 million euros. By 2004, sales figures for both products had risen across the board, Sweden and Denmark which dropped in banana sales.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 - Whether women prefer watching or participating in a variety of sports. [4]

sports preferences among young women

The chart below shows women aged from 16 to 25 in a particular country who prefer to watch or participate in a variety of sports.

ESSAY

The chart given illustrates a variety of preferences in six multiple sports among women aged in 16-25 in a certain country.

Generally, watching and participating in tennis both play a significant role in six different sports, while women between 16-25 pay the least attention in badminton. obvious enough, these young women tend to have different interests between watching and participating in the six sports.

As observed, there are three sport games that women between 16-25 years old prefer watching more than participating in, which are tennis, athletics, and basketball. Tennis at the amount of 60% is the majority of the selected sports both in watching and participating in. What play the next two roles of watching sports are athletics roughly at 25% and basketball at 20%.

Instead of watching sport, women from16-25 in this country enjoy actually playing badminton, golf, and horse riding& racing. It is obvious that badn=minton has the least preference for participating at 20%, women also pay few attention to it by the amount of 10%. For golf and horse riding & racing, they show similar levels around 20-30% in playing such sports, while both of them share the same extent of interest in 20%.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2 - Is it necessary to to learn about the world by traveling? [3]

Hi there, please give me some advice about the essay below. Thanks!

Some people think that it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries. However, other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on TV and the Internet. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

to be informed traveling abroad

When it comes to travel, people might regard it as a vital process to learn knowledge about different countries. While others argue that multiple information on TV and the internet are enough for the public to learn about the world. Personally, I strongly support that it is necessary to visit countries and learn about them.

First of all, people can experience cultures by traveling which might never be done by simply surfing the net or watching a TV program. During a journey in foreign countries, people appreciate magnificent sceneries with their eyes, feel the local atmosphere of the city, and taste traditional cuisine. Most importantly, people have the opportunity to experience and to interact with people from various cultures. To experience is the best way to know a country impressively.

Some people see knowing the world through traveling as needless. Since traveling abroad seems to be money consuming, people are more likely to do research on websites and get information on TV programs around the world. Having hundreds and thousands of information on the internet, we can gain knowledge for free. Through interesting TV shows, we can also understand international issues more easily. It might be the most convenient way for the public nowadays to learn about the world.

For me, learning about the world is not just about knowledge, it is the unique experiences we have that make travel necessary. For instance, there are a variety of videos and articles on the internet which lead to the romantic vision of France. However, without visiting France, I might never know that the chilling lifestyle of this country attracts me the most. With traveling, people may discover and value the fantastic experience they might never get from the internet and TV.

To sum up, traveling abroad and getting information through websites and TV shows have their Pros and Cons. The reason makes traveling necessary is the experience people gain during their tours, which a program or article can never replace.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 - Population changes in three countries [4]

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Fast aging population

The line chart below shows the percentage of population aged under 5 years old and aged 65 years old or above in the world since 1940 with projections until 2040.

ESSAY

The given line chart illustrates the increasing population aged 65 years old or above and aged under 5 years old in three countries between 1940 and 2040.

Generally, the population of the USA, Sweden, and Japan all boost from 5-10% in 1940 to 20-30% in 2040. We can see a significant change in the ranking for the percentage of these three countries.

As observed, the USA is in the first place of the population of children and elderlies at the percentage around 10% while Sweden and Japan ran the next two place in roughly 7% and 5%. On contrary, there's a large change of population in 2040 with the highest percentage of the population which is approximately 27% in Japan. The percentage in the USA turns out to be the least at about 23%, and the population in Sweden is slightly higher at 25%.

Obviously, these three countries have different increasing extent from 1940-2040. There was little variation of the population between 0-5% from 1940 to 2000 in Japan and meets a huge boost at 2030 respectively. For the USA, the percentage remains from 1980 to 2020 at 15%, then increases gradually in the next two decades until 2040. Apart from the other two countries, Sweden has a stable extension of the population as a step-growth from 1940 to 2040.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK2 - Discussion about the influences of robots [2]

Hello everyone, please give me some advice and help improve my writing skills, thanks!

Some people think that robots are very important for humans' future development. Others, however, think that robots are a dangerous invention that could have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

robots support the world's future development

Issues of robots have been a controversy throughout our generation. Robots are regarded as a significant development for humans' future. While some people argue that robots may lead to unexpectable negative effects on society. Personally, while the rapid improvements of robots, human shouldn't ignore the potential worry robots may lead to.

When considering the argument of people who see robots as vital to the future world, there are undeniably uncertainties that could influence our society in dangerous ways. For instance, unemployment, robots can replace works with standardization which are in great demand such as writing news reports. More importantly, it is possible that robot might develop unpredictable intelligence which might do harm to the world.

While those who worry about the negative impact on society, some people regard the issue with an optimistic attitude. Robots are precise and more logical than most employees in present, they can finish works that require perfection and accuracy such as doing surgery. With the support of robots, efficiency and precision may improve in the process of future development in the world.

In my opinion, admittedly, robots play a vital role in the human future. Industries, techniques, even our lifestyles may change due to the attendance of robots on society. However, a rose has its thorns, while the great success benefits from robots, we should also take actions to prevent the negative impacts they may cause to our world.

In conclusion, robots support the world's future development in multiple ways, and it is necessary for the public to consider the harm robots might lead to society at the same time.

Writing Feedback / Environmental issues have always been a controversy among the world. Who should take a charge of it? [3]

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IELTS TASK2 - Environmental problems

Some people think environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Others, however, think that those problems can not be solved unless individuals take some action. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

ESSAY

Environmental issues have always been a controversy among the world. It is argued that these problems are so complex that individuals couldn't handle it. While some think that as long as people take actions, environmental problems could be solved. The two statements will be discussed in the essay below and person opinion will be given as well.

Environmental problems such as global warming have been commonly regarded as a complicated issue for its wide range of aspects involved. It could be a discussion about science, pollution, animal extinction, and even human lifestyles. To provide a complete solution, government policies and professions from different fields are necessary, which is also the reason why there are multiple statements for a particular environmental problem. Most people do not have the professional knowledge to discuss certain issues deeply.

Some argue that there are still things for individuals could do to solve environmental problems because the main reason for these problems is usually human. As long as people change their attitude to our mother earth, take actions to protect our home, problems may gradually retard. For instance, travel by public transportation instead of a private vehicle. Little changes by people may accumulate and heal the earth.

In my opinion, I support the statement about the necessity for humans taking actions to prevent environmental problems. Not only can we change our lifestyles by doing recycles but also by attending volunteers to clean beaches. To know more about environmental issues, individuals could learn related knowledge through the internet and discuss with others. By exchanging opinions, it may gain much more attention to these significant problems.

To sum up, professions and government policy are required for a complete solution to environmental problems. However, it is also vital for individuals to pay close attention and take specific actions to benefit the environment. After all, a healthy and long lasting mother earth is a responsibility for all humans.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK1 - Crimes committed in two countries [3]

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the number of criminal cases in England and Wales

The chart below shows three different crimes and the number of cases committed between 1970 and 2005 in England and Wales.

ESSAY

The given line chart provides information about three different crimes happened between 1970-2005 in England and Wales.

Generally, the two countries had the most car theft committed in 1970 to 2005, while there were few street robberies caused in the 35 years. Besides, the amount of car theft met a tremendous change after 1990.

Firstly, car theft gradually increased from 0.4 million to 1 million between 1970 to 1990 which was the highest amount in the three criminals. Placed in the second role, house burgling boost from 0.2 million 0.6 million through the same 20 years. Instead of increasing, barely did street robbery caused from 1970 to 1990.

There was a huge change in 1995 for the selected criminals in England and Wales, the amount of car theft expanded to 1.6 million which is the highest point of the 35 years, then declined rapidly back to 1 million until 2005. House burgling also climbed to the top point which is roughly 0.7 million and slowly back to 0.5 million in 2005. Street robbery, on the other hand, remained stable and changed became slightly higher at 0.2 million in the last five years.

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