Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. Modern society benefits greatly from computer technology. [5]

Hi guys, this is my 2nd essay that I've written, it took me an hour to write it. I hope you can give me some advice and maybe an IELTS score. Thank you.

Modern society benefits greatly from computer technology. However, becoming more dependent on computers has its disadvantages. Discuss threats of computers.

Undoubtedly, one of the most significant innovations in recent years has been computer technology. However, a matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue whether the modern world benefits from artificial intelligence, or is rather addicted to using it.

Apart from being time-saving, computers can also do things which people could hardly do before. For instance, people can find and share information in just a few seconds, or spend their free time reading electronic books, listening to music or even connecting with people from the other corners of the world. Furthermore, many scientists agree that computer technology plays a major role in modern medicine, in the future genetic engineers could be able to find new cures for diseases like cancer, AIDS or diabets. Consequently, life-expectancy is longer than it used to be 20 years ago.

However, the greatest disadvantage of using computers in addiction. As a recent study carried out by the 'International Group of Digital Development' shows, more than 73 per cent of people around the world said that computers controlled their life, spending about 10 hours per day in front of it, and almost 30 per cent claimed that they would grow angry or impatient if they did not turn on their computers. Further explanations are given by Michael Roberts, who points out that, just like drugs, computers can have devastating effects, starting with health problems: obesity, unhealthy diet, sedentarism, eyes disease and ending with mental disorders: madness, breakdowns or suicide attempts.

To conclude, it is clear that computer technology is responsible not only for the development of genetic engineering and medical discoveries, but also for human beings' behaviour and activities. People can choose to benefit from this new technology, or be domined and sidetracked by it.

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. Smoking tobacco, like other dangerous drugs, should be made illegal. [4]

This is my 3rd essay and I hope you could give me some feedback, grammar corrections and an IELTS score, please. Thank you!
Smoking tobacco, like other dangerous drugs, should be made illegal. Agree or disagree?

Because of their negative effects on people's health and behaviour, many drugs like heroin, cocaine or marijuana have been made illegal. However, athough many believe smoking tobacco is a harmless habit, I think it should be also forbidden.

Firstly, it can be clearly seen that the number of teenagers who took up smoking has almost doubled. This bad habit seen in seductive advertising campaigns, at other friends or even at their own parents stirs adolescents' curiosity and interest. What is more, a lot of young people claim that they are excluded from their friends' circle due to the fact that they are not smokers. Consequently, peer pressure determines them to take up smoking. I believe that teenage is the age when youngs are still in the process of moulding themselves into what they want to be and their body and mind need a healthy environment in order to function properly.

Secondly, smoking tobacco affects the health of both smokers and non-smokers. As a recent study carried out by the English doctor N. Jefferson shows, smoking is responsible for about 30 per cent of all deaths from cancer and causes leukemia, pleumonia, heart and blood disfunctions and even memory loss. Leaving aside the philosophical question of whether anyone should breathe someone else's cigarette smoke, passive smokers are also believe to have a 30 per cent higher risk of death from heart disease and cancer.These being said, I believe that smoking represents the most important preventable cause of cancer today.

To sum up, even if tobacco stimulates the mind, body and spirit for a short period of time, in the long run, smoking is the most addicting and killing habit. By making tobacco illegal, I believe that half of human beeings would not die before the age of 35.

(300 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. Testing on animals and keeping them in unnatural conditions [5]

Please correct my essay and give me some suggestions. Apparently, it takes me about 1-2 hours to write an essay and I can't help it. I hope you could give me some advice on how to plan my essay. Thank you very much!

Testing on animals should be made illegal. Agree or disagree?

Perhaps the most serious problem facing the animals' rights today is animal experimentation. Many medical treatments have been discovered by animal testing, including cancer and HIV drugs While most scientists claim that this is vital for improving human health, I believe that primates should have the same rights as human beings.

There are several reasons why animal testing should be banned. Firstly, the costs outweigh the benefits. Every year, cosmetic companies, farms or medical schools kill millions of animals to test their products, without any beneficial result. Animal testing costs an enormous amount of money, since they must be fed, cared for and treated with drugs or experimental substances.

Secondly, animals are kept in unnatural conditions. Recent studies point out that animals are neglected and treated poorly, which influences their reactions to drugs. In March 2003, a lab technician shot a video inside a lab, which revealed primates in cages without pain medication, for instance one baboon with a metal cylinder screwed into its head. Consequently, I think that sacrificing animals is an expensive and painful activity.

There is also the argument that many ethical and genetic principles are broken when testing on animals. Many people agree that it is not only inhumane and cruel to cause pain to animals, but also misleading, since animals and people's response to a drug can be different. I personally believe that human beings have no moral right to use animals in ways that do not benefit the individual.

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that testing on animals has no clear result and consequently, is should be made illegal.

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. Behaviour in school is getting worse [6]

pleace tell me what you think about this essay. i find it really good (I hope this is not because i've written it)

Behaviour is school is getting worse. explain the causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

Dealing with bad behaviour at school has never been an easy task. Nowadays, there are many specialists who claim that the number of disrespectful students is on the increase and therefore, this situation must be tackled.

One of the main reasons which leads to a bad behaviour in many schools is the lack of discipline. Teachers have no authority and clear rules to deal with disruptive students and consequently, they feel free to show disrespect, use mobile phones in class an hurl verbal abuse at adults. In 2010, the Association of Teachers pointed out that a quarter of members had been physically attacked by pupils during classes, with stuff being pushed, scratched, bitten and even kicked. However, it is not impossible to find good and effective ways to control these wild reactions. One solution is that schools should inforce clear rules for every type of misbehaving, so that students would be harshly punished if they misbehaved.

Parents are fuelling their children's bad behaviour. In their trial to be friends with their children, over-indulgent middle-class parents spoil them by fulfilling all their desires. As a recent British survey revals, they usually buy TVs, computer games, telephones or even expensive cars for their 'little sweethearts' . For this reason, teenagers are taught that they can have everything just by ordering. Parents should take responsabily for the impact they have on their children. They could teach them how to behave in schools and how to respect the authority and others, instead of buying their affection.

In conclusion, the problem of misbehaving at school can be tackled by giving a proper education at homes and by inforcing strict rules in schools.

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. There will be soon no role for teachers in classrooms. [7]

As computers are being used more and more in education, there will be soon no role for teachers in the classroom. Agree or disagree.
Please correct and rate my essay. Thanks!

In recent years it has become more common for teachers to use technological tools in the learning process. However, I do not agree that this explosion in technology will 'innovate' the education system, by replacing teachers with computers. 38

There are several reasons why teachers will never be replaced by computers. Firstly, computers need to be operated by people. No one can argue that technological tools are must-haves for the classroom of today. For example, lessons are more attractive and easier to understand when they are put on a Power Point presentation and then presented with a LCD Projector. However, scientists prove that every classroom needs trained staff to use these interactive and innovative ways of teaching. I agree that nowadays the learning process benefits greatly from computers, but they are just tools for teachers and they cannot work properly without human's touch. 105

Secondly, children need human interactions. No matter how advanced technology will be, it is clear that a computer will never be able to communicate with its pupils. As a recent interview with Josh Trumm - the founder of the 'Teachers Global Group'- reveals, human interactions will never be imitated by computers: 'This verbal and non-verbal communication between teachers and children is the first step towards a proper education. Without someone who can explain and understand their problems, pupils cannot actually learn'. I am inclined to agree with this scientific view, because only a teacher can feel and connect with pupils, be a friend and a model. 103

In conclusion, there can be no school without a teacher. I think that computers will continue to be used by teachers in the learning process, but they will never take their place. Teachers are not just teachers, they are also friends and conseilieurs. 43

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. Violence shown on TV and in the cinema [2]

A lot of people believe the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

A matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue of whether young people's actions are influenced by the amount of violence which appears on TV and in the cinema or not. From my own prospective, I believe that violence in our today society has increased due to TVs and cinema. 51

It cannot be argued that young people immitate what they see on TVs. Eversince every home has at least one LCD, plasma or a normal TV, youngsters' behaviour has radically changed: they find themselves in what they see on screen, they have models and follow them. Even if it is not a scientific proven fact, it is obvious that aggressive scenes and plots which appear in movies and talkshows encourage them to adopt a violent behaviour. Doing what they see on TV retains an image of satisfaction among young people, making aggression an habit for those still in the process of moulding themselves into what they want to be. 109

One way to combat the problem of violence in our society today would be for the government to censor the movies and TV shows. Even if they are not allowed to watch horror and thriller movies, teenagers under 18 still get the change to do it. By introducing censorship and cutting the violence scenes, I believe young people would not be encouraged to behave violently and disruptively. It would, therefore, be impossible for them to follow this example of being aggressive. 81

To sum up, from what has been written above, I can safely draw the conclusion that the amount of violence seen on TV and in cinema increases the fights, clashes and disruptive behaviour in our society. However, this issue can be tackled by inforcing laws in order to censor every scene which can have a bad impact on people's behaviour. 59

hey, check my essay and give me some advice. later I saw that I could suggest any solution to reduce violence, but censoring the movies is a good idea, too.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Topic. women's role in modern society [5]

Hi guys! I've started writing essays again and it is so so difficult.
Please note that none of the information below is 100% true! It is a combination between my beliefs and what I'v heard, just to go over the 250word limit. So don't take it persoal.

Due to the change of women's role in modern society, men are now the ones suffering from sexual discrimination. Do u agree?

Women have always been mistreated and seen as inferior, when compared to men's physical strength and ways of thinking. But with the development of industry, the role of women in modern society has significantly changed after the First World War. However, I do not believe that men are now the ones who suffer from sexual discrimination. 56

To begin with, in Arabic countries the law is extremely strict when it comes to females' choices and rights. In the Orient, religion has always played a crucial role in people's life, determining their lifestyle and most of their character. Consequently, the law in Arabic countries was also influenced by Coran. For instance, women are forbidden to unravel their faces or their body parts by wearing short skirts or see-through blouses. What is more, in some conservative regions they have no right to study and they are kept home to cook and raise their children. 94

Despite women's emancipation, there will always be a shadow of doubt when hiring a female. A recent study carried out by the University of London revealed that 70% of the big companies are still more likely to accept a man, just because he is a man, rather than a more experienced and competent woman. This reliable research proves that people's way of thinking cannot be changed over night, diminishing women's chances of success in their careers. 75

These being considered, even if the women's role in modern society has changed, enabling/allowing them to study and work, it seems to me that men still have more benefits and freedom in both their social and professional life. 38/total: 263

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic: Skills of letter writing will soon disappear [3]

More and more people use the mobile phone or computer to communicate, and no longer write letters to each other. Some people think the skills of letter writing will soon disappear completely. Do you agree or disagree? How importand do you think letter-writing is?

I know that my last essay was off-topic, hope this one is better. I followed this structure:
introduction
1st paragraph: respond to the 1st question: agree that letter writing will disappear
2nd paragraph: respond to he 2nd question: letter-writing is not important
conclusion

Undoubtedly, the evolution in technology is one of the greatest achievement of human mankind. Nowadays, one in three people owns a smartphone or a laptop and he uses it to effectively communicate with his friends, family or manager via emails. It is believed that the skills of letter writing will soon disappear, but have no negative impact on people's lives. 60

The main reason for prefering emails than letters is the time that is saved. Every minute, millions of emails containing information, requests or invitations are sent from one corner of the world to another and the response can be received in just a few seconds. As the surveys point out, the majority of Internet users believe that 'letters are the means of communication of the past' and that, because of that fact that no one sends letters anymore, they would soon be like typewriters - useless. 85

As specialists claim, there is no connection between the increasing level of illiteracy and letter-writing skills. It was believed that letters played a great role in the writing and spelling skills of one, but now there is plenty of evidence that proves exactly the opposite: emails come with an autospelling function that checks every mistake and corrects it. For example, Yahoo users can now have free-mistakes emails, look up words in the dictionary or count the number of characters just by pressing one button. 84

All things considered, it can be concluded that people prefer emails, since are more rapid and comfortable, to letters which are just a waste of paper and time. I firmly believe that letters will soon be forgotten because nowadays time is a crucial factor in people's lives. 47

Writing Feedback / IELTS Topic. the power of advertising and its impact on high sales [2]

Today, the high sales of popular consumers' goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Necessity is the mother of invention is an often-quoted saying. But nowadays the reverse of it is true. In modern business, 'invention' is the mother of necessity. I agree with the fact that more and more people are persuaded to buy goods or services that they do not actually need. 50

One main point would be that the specialists in advertisements use as a backbone for their commercial offers the human psychology. It has been scientifically proven that the more one watches or hears about a product, the more likely he would be to buy it. This can be easily seen in customers' everyday life, for instance when they go to watch a sports event, the stadium is rounded with logos of companies and big signboards; when they turn on the TV to watch a movie, characters use certain products in order to raise customers' interest. 96

In addition to this, the vast majority of ads contains false details or hides unwanted facts about the goods they are promoting. Every single product or service that appears on the TV or is written about in daily newspapers has no drawback, works 100 percent and is eye-catching. For instance, Ariel (a washing powder for washing machines) claims to remove persistent stains that other products cannot, being not only cheaper, but also scented. People who do not read the label could be tricked, because the seller could not have included that the washing powder contains a strong chemical powder that could damage the clothes. 104

All these being considered, people buy thousands of products every minute without actually having what to do with them. I believe the reason why this happens could be the fact that commercials are eye-catching, interesting and hide negative aspects of the goods. 42

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. animal experiments have more disadvantages over their advantages [4]

Examine the arguments in favour of and against animal experiments, and come to a conclusion on this issue.

A matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue of whether animal research conducted inside universities, medical schools, pharmaceutical companies has more advantages than disadvantages. Strong arguments exist in support of both sides of this debate, which implies that it is worth examining both points of view before reaching any conclusion. 52

On one side of the argument there are people who argue that the benefits outweigh its disadvantages. Many drugs and treatments that are discovered need to be tested in order to ensure the humans' safety when they use or are exposed to certain substances. As a result, animal research is a 'must' in our modern lives, because even sophisticated computers are unable to model interactions between molecules, cells, tissues, organs, organisms and the environment, making animal research necessary in many areas. For example cats are used in neurological research; if treatments for people's brain or nervous system were directly administrated to people, there is no doubt that the side effects would be countless.113

On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that enormous amounts of money are wasted in the process of animal experimentation. The price increases dramatically if it is taken into consideration the fact that animals must be fed, housed, cared for and treated with drugs or similar substances in order to give a proper response to the drugs that are administrated. In addition, the price of animals themselves must also be factored into the equation. A second point is the torture and pain animals must undergo during researches. A particular good example here is the famous documentary released by Manchester University in 2010, where many vertebrate animals were discovered with eyesight and hearing ability problems or even having body parts missing.130

To conclude, there is evidence both to support and refute the view of animal experimentation. On one hand, it provides realiable results for neurology, development biology or behavioral studies and on the other hand, the price which has to be paid is too great when compared to the results. 49

Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Veg or Non Veg? Veg is healthier! [3]

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of vegetarianism and come to a conclusion.

Over the years, the number of vegetarians around the globe has dramatically increased, becoming not only a simple present-day fashion, but also a healthier lifestyle. While most people agree that many diseases can be avoided by adopting a healthy diet, opponents claim that there is nothing more fulfilling than a tasty meal.52

It goes without saying that vegetarianism equals health. It has been proven that fruits and vegetables are full of proteins, iron, calcium, omega 3 and Vitamin B12 that cannot be found in animal products, which are most of the time high in fat and calories. The advantages are extraordinary: vegetarianism prevents cancer by 50%, prevents heart disease, lowering blood pressure, gallstones, kidney stones, osteoporosis and incredibly, reverse diabetes. It makes people physically healthier and improves psychiatric health. 77

In contrast, it must be admitted that vegetarians' meals are not as tasty as normal people's are. What can be tastier than a large bar of delicious chocolate? Children cannot resist it, nor can grown-ups. Steak, chicken soup, pancakes with hazelnut or Mars and Snickers bars are products that one cannot just pass by them, without feeling his mouth wet and having pangs in his stomach. Humans are made to eat and follow their basic instinct and if this instinct is to eat, then nothing can stop it. 88

All things being said, it can be concluded that vegetarianism is a healthier lifestyle, but not many people chose to abstain from eating their favorite candy or stake just to avoid cancer or heart attacks. 35

Writing Feedback / IElTS: benefits and drawbacks of urbanization; urbanization is a phenomenon [6]

Many people leave the countryside for the greater opportunities which are offered by cities. This move is not without disadvantages for both people and the environment. What are some benefits and drawbacks of urbanization?

Over the past few years, the rate at which the urban proportion increases has almost doubled. More and more rural inhabitants decide to move to urban areas for a better living, such as economic improvements, a more comfortable life and well-paid jobs. However, urbanization has its drawbacks, the main disadvantage being the pollution. 53

The main benefit of rural residents moving to cities is that they have access to a much more enjoyable life. There is no question that people who live in urban areas benefit from many facilities, such as access to education, healthcare, social services and cultural activities. For instance, a farmer's life is quite simple having not many leisure activities to do apart from talking to his family or other farmers. On the other side, a businessman feels like not having enough time for his numerous hobbies (these could be going shopping, hiking, attending dance classes or playing sport). Due to the increased number of citizen, social life 98

In contrast, it must be admitted that globalization has its big drawback: pollution. As more and more people leave villages and farms to live in cities, the number of factories and automobiles is also increasing. This leads to massive emissions of harmful gases and smoke from factories and personal vehicles. As recent studies show, two in tree people are more likely to suffer from allergies and respiratory problems due to the polluted air that covers the city. Natural habitats of flora and fauna and a lot of forested areas are also destructed, because new residential areas need to be constructed for the increasing number of urban inhabitants.107

In conclusion, urbanization is certainly a phenomenon which is often debated in today's world. Hardly a day goes by without at least one family deciding to move from countryside to city due to undeveloped financial and social facilities. However, even if people's lives are more comfortable, the price they have to pay comes with the increasing pollution that affects their health and happiness. 63

Writing Feedback / IELTS: capital punishment is essential to our society [3]

Without capital punishment (the death penalty) our lives are less secure and crimes or violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Practiced in more than 21 countries around the globe, death penalty is the execution one has to undergo for the capital crimes he has done. Many people agree that the society is more secure if the capital punishment is put into practice. However, there are also some who claim that taking other people's life is inhuman. I personally agree with the first point of view. 65

One important argument in favor of my view comes with the ancient saying 'Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth'. Even in the justice system of the first primitive tribes the mentality was the same: if someone took one's life, he had to be killed. For example, in Ancient Greece murderers and rapers were burned or decapitated in the center of the village, in the settler's eyes. Rulers used to believe that it was a model for other people who, by seeing those terrifying scenes, would be aware of what might have happened to them if they committed murders. 100

What is more, people who are not punished and are set free are more likely to commit murders again. It has been scientifically proven that 70 percent of the prisoners who are released from prison continue to kill people for different reasons. Even if they are psychopaths or work with mafia, the outcome is the same: innocent people are killed and going out in the streets becomes a more and more dangerous activity for everyone. The death penalty is the perfect punishment, because the killer who is eliminated will not strike again. 94

All these being considered, the rate of crime and violence would dramatically increase if capital punishment was not put into practice. I am inclined to believe that our society is safer if the killers pay the same price as their innocent victims did. 43

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Address the causes of crime or not? yes, we should [5]

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It is not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

Agree

More and more people decide to take the evil path and steal or commit murders in order to feed their family. Written in the daily newspaper or presented on the TV news, these cruel acts have more complex reasons. I believe that the causes of crime should be attacked instead of putting people into prison. 55

To begin with, people are able to do whatever it takes when their own survival is threatened. This can be seen in slums, where the quality of life is extremely low: people live in poverty and food is usually a delicacy. To deal with their lack of money and food, people are pushed towards smuggling and shoplifting. For example, in London there are many beggars who, besides asking for people's mercy, also use tricky means to empty their pockets. Shoplifters also use shotguns to intimidate the stuff and murders are committed if things go wrong.94

Other arguments in favor of dealing with the causes of crime are the job opportunities that one gains after he graduates from school. Nowadays, if a teenager has no skills or knowledge, he does not meet the requirements for a job. Youngsters that do not have access to education are limited and are determined to earn their money using illegal means. This brings us back to smuggling and shoplifting. 69

All these being considered, dealing with the causes of crime would lower the crime rate and would also improve the individual's life. I believe that once the number of people living in poverty decreases, the number of crimes will also go down.42

Writing Feedback / IELTS: same job for life or frequently change it? [2]

People have different expectations from jobs. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, whereas others prefer to change jobs frequently.

Write about the advantages and disadvantages of each viewpoint.

In this ever changing marketplace, the belief that 'a job is for life' is no longer applicable. Jobs are now more demanding than they were 20 years ago and the number of qualified people has dramatically increased. Some people prefer having one job in a lifetime, while others choose changinging jobs. However, both preferences have advantages and disadvantages.58

To begin with, deciding to have the same job for the same company in a lifetime is more secure. After signing a long-term contract, one has a regularly income if he successfully completes his assignments at work. In the other case, changing jobs frequently can be sometimes tough. This is because once one gives up his current job, it may take up to six months in order to find other jobs. Furthermore, it can be more difficult to find a well-paid job, sometimes even impossible.85

A positive aspect of changing jobs frequently would be the experience that one gains. Nowadays, a CV which has some working experiences is more appreciated than one with no experience. In this way, people are more likely to be employed and also they can test different working environments and meet new colleagues. However, it is not the same rule for a permanent job. People who choose not to change jobs are usually seen as having more experience in their field. The number of years spent working in that company determines the experience and qualifications one gained. 96

It can be concluded that both choices have advantages and disadvantages. Whether one wants to have a lifetime job or frequently change it mainly depends on his personality and mentality.30

i don't actually know whether that part with 'a lifetime job' sounds ok, I've always heard in movies 'a lifetime love' so i thought it would be the same thing.

i also think i wrote 'experience' too many times in the 3rd paragraph, but i couldn't find any other synonim for it.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:should both parents go to work or not? [6]

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. What is your opinion?

In the past, the man was responsible for taking care of his family's financial situation. In other words, the man went out to work, while his wife stayed home and looked after her children and did the household duties. However, many things have changes since then, because more and more parents decide to leave their children home alone in order to work. I believe that the desire to earn more money has more drawbacks than benefits.76

First of all, children need to be supervised all the time. At that age, a child does not have the ability to distinguish whether a thing is 'good' or 'bad'- if he saw a dog, he would go and hug it, not thinking that it may harm him. Many tragic home-alone kids' accidents appear on the TV news, some of them ending with the little creature's death. For example, in 2009 a girl aged five was waiting for her parents to get back home from work when she saw a box of matches. She took the box and started playing with it, but she accidentally lit a fire. The whole house burnt completely, but it remains a mystery how the girl managed to escape.133

Another argument in favor of not leaving children home alone is the love they need. Even if they benefit from additional income, at that age they do not know what money is, they need love and care, more than a Nintendo or computer games. The first five years are extremely important for one's life, as he develops his social behaviour. If he does not interact with other human beings, he learns that silence is better than communication and being alone is more important than socializing. Because of the fact that both parents go to work, children start spending their time playing video games and they continue doing that even after their parents' return.112

To conclude, children cannot buy parents' absence with the extra money that is earned. I believe that parents should think first about their kids and how they could spend more time with them, not about money. 36