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Posts by joythblessy
Joined: Sep 24, 2012
Last Post: Nov 30, 2013
Threads: 86
Posts: 266  
From: India

Displayed posts: 352 / page 1 of 9
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joythblessy   
Sep 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / ielts : financial education in school - should be mandatory [2]

Hai...

I am a new member in this forum..

I dodn't know how to reply..

Some suggestions..

: In the 1st para second line..
Hope it is tend to (forget space between..?)
:what do you mean by beauty of money...?

: in last para (concl) ...other studies
-> other subjects such as...

: try to avoid using 'etc'

: 3rd para last line

Is it 'quite' essential...?

Overall it was easy to read..

Keep it up..
joythblessy   
Sep 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Dieting - a billion dollar market' - ielts [5]

Hai...

First of all i dodn't think it is the single most challenging task, as you wrote...?

:split the 1st sentance of 2nd para..
...doller market.
(new sentance) Many companies...new products.

:everyone.... Who? (make it clear)-> these companies

:((I feel..not sure...
2nd para is off topic, u didn't connect it to the main idea.Moreover no question about conpanies involvment))

:Help some one radiate...: what..?
(not clear)

:4 para -> start with On the other hand

:i like your simple conclution

All the best..
joythblessy   
Nov 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / Conventional schools are still the right choice for most students - IELTS essay [3]

In future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computer or Television or studying at traditional school. Discuss both choices and give your opinion.

The advancement in technology has made a sea change in teaching learning process. Some people believe that home schools will be more in future than traditional schools, but others oppose. In my essay I will discuss both views and say why I believe that traditional schools cannot be replaced totally by computers.

To begin with, studying at home using technology has its own merits and demerits. Most importantly, it is convenient. One can make and follow his own schedule for completing the requirements of the course. Additionally, the class room and instructor are available 24 hours a day. It gives flexibility to study at any desired time.

However, the down side of studying at home should not been neglected. Firstly, attending an educational course at home requires persistence and patience, especially in the absence of an instructor for guidance. The student himself must make sure that he understand, and complete all course requirements. An extremely dedicated mind and good time management skills are essential to complete the course on time. Secondly, studying at home is much different from traditional learning. Unlike traditional classes on line courses are not taken place in a classroom, where students are surrounded by classmates and teachers. Student may hard to study without being kept under the supervision, especially for those who are easily get distracted. Moreover, a computer or television cannot be able to teach, them how to get along with people.

There are many arguments in support with attending traditional schools. Pupils will be exposed and interacted with other children, which is not only help them to develop social skills, but also, increase their experiences. Students can achieve communication skills and know how to co-operate with classmates from team works. Thus joining to a traditional school is asocial learning experience for their future. Besides, healthy competition encourage them to study harder. The second point is that, schools are provided with trained teachers who are responsible for teaching the children using the approved curriculum. Regular tests ensure children are learning all required skills. Along with this, a teacher can play a crucial role in helping students to exploit their talents and interests. A third point is that, the children will find it easy to integrate, when they finish school and join work. Studying alone at home might deprive all these significant and valuable opportunities.

To conclude, while many people work hard to teach their children at home. Conventional schools are still the right choice for most students. School may not be perfect always, but it seem to be a proven way of preparing children for the real world, than computers.
joythblessy   
Nov 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. [8]

Hai kurian..

Nice essay..

Well organized...

If you want two more ideas in favour of new towns..
:it will help in reducing the number of people migrating to big cities, there by reduce traffic problems and pollution.

:improve the living conditions in the countryside..

Keep on practiceing
Best of luck...
joythblessy   
Nov 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / Conventional schools are still the right choice for most students - IELTS essay [3]

Hai Dumi...

Thank you so much for your correction and guidence. I really liked your introduction which forwading the reader towards the contents of the following paragraphs.

As my essay is too long i reduced the length of my introduction.

Thankyou so much once again...
joythblessy   
Nov 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / Good and Bad news and factors which influence to news editors. [2]

Hai Orxen...

Your introduction is bigger than your body paragraph. Cut it short and make a clear introduction..

Factors in fluencing...

Dedication to profession.
Support from the employers.
Inspiration and motivation.
Need for variety of programmes
matters of urgent attention...and so on
joythblessy   
Nov 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / solving environmental problems : international agency instead of state/national govts [8]

(Please help with my IELTS essay
Thanks in advance)

Solving environmental problems should be the responsibility of one International Agency instead of state or national governments. Do you agree or disagree..?
Enviornmental problems become a drastic problem nowadays. State, National and international agencies try to tackle this problem in different ways. But I don't believe that it will be benificial if the entire responsibility of

solving this vast problem is put under an international agency.

To begin with, International agencies are benificial in many ways. It can make strong rules and have power to compell every nations, though it is rich or poor to follow the international standards of pollution control to reduce the global warming. It can observe and regulate each nations separately. Besides, it can allocate money to help poor nations to establish various pollution control measures. But with out the co.operation of state and national government all these efforts

would not be fruitful.

Undoubtedaly, most of the environmental problems are made by individuals, socities and businesess centers, such as shopping malls, industries and public places. Effective prevention of heeping up of wastages should be made from grass root level. For this,individual and govermental help and strong will power is to be needed. Governments as a public institution can make effective rules, provide manpower for frequent follow ups, allocate money for public education regarding pollution control methods, even include it in the curiculum, and subcidies for pollution control measures implimentation. Through effective rules, government can cut the licence of polluting industries, or stop the usage of environmental damaging materials like plastic, encouraging eco-friendly utencils like papper bags, and so on.Furthermore, frequent follow ups and sufficient penality ifself will reduce the environmental problems.

At the same time, individual contributions also must be needed to fullfil the environment saving campagin. The base root of pollution is individuals.if they are not willing to follow the rules, the effort of state, national and international agancies are wasteful. So I feel individual level of managnent is pivotal. People can keep their environment free from pollution by their little efforts. Domestic disposal of wastes, usage of eco-friendly materials like paper instead off plastic, public transport in place of personal car, limit the use of electricity, recycle and reuse as much as possible, replantation and avoid cutting trees are the steps towards the right direction.

In conclution, limit environmental problems determination and efforts are essential. In my opinion, it will be the collective responsibility of the individual, state and national governments, and all these activities to be controled and guided by the international agencies. We must remember that our world is not only for us but also for the future generations too.

Environmental problems become a drastic problem nowadays.
joythblessy   
Nov 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS WT2: TV HAS NO VALUE ON CHILDREN. AGREE? DISAGREE? [4]

Hai..

I like your essay..
Some more points..

Foreign channels like BBC, national Geographic and so on are great tools for students to learn English and enrich their knowledge on environment.

:helps to know about various cultures of the world

:can educate and highlight the evils of castisam, dowry, drinking and so forth..and helps to their removal.

Best of luck for your exam...
joythblessy   
Nov 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / solving environmental problems : international agency instead of state/national govts [8]

Hai dumi..

Thanks a lot...
I read a similar essay in this topic here in this forum today. Which was agreeing international agencies role. I was intented to read it but i miss the link. So i am still waiting someboby else to write the same topic and then i will surely rewrite it. I am confused how to rewrite it...?

Hope your help in my future essays too...
Thanks once again..
joythblessy   
Nov 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'adequate rest and sleep are essential' - IELTS- Writing task 2 [5]

Hai kurian..

Rest activities is accoding to our daily routine.

It is not good for a computer programer to red books in his free time...
Need mental rest ,
and physcial activities :ex: out door games

Same way, physcialy working people, ex: a farmer, need physical rest.
Can Choose reading in their free time...

Read others essay in the same topic...

In this forum on the top there is option for searching. You can use it...

Best of luck..
joythblessy   
Nov 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay, leisure activities: physical or mental rest [4]

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improves the mind such as reading and doing puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Leisure time activities are important to keep our body and mind healthy. In this world of busy life style it is necessory to use it wisely. Some people feel that it should be for intellictual activities, while others give preferance for mental rest. I feel both have its own importance according to the routine work they are involved.

Undoubtedly, people who are doing hard physical works as a part of their daily work need physical rest. Their free time will be effective if they involve in activities like reading books or listening music. Our brain concentrate to the book or music and we forgot all other things. It helps to regenerate the brain cells and we feel fresh. For instance, a farmer can use his free time effectively by reading newspaper, which not only enhaces his knowledge of day to day affairs, but also, provide physical rest.

On the other hand, people who are angaged in works which leaves mental strains must take mental rest in their free time. If they are lacking physcial exercises and doing sedentory works they can choose out door activities, like partcipating in games. This provide necessory exercises and keep them healthy. Furthermore,it helps to develop their social skillsas they are mingling with others who are in different age groups and social status. The team spirit and positive attitude are important in their daily life. For example a computer programer after a tried full day mental strains, needs physcial activity, and it is better to go for an out door game.

To conclude, leisure time activities gives a break from our daily works and help us to keep a balance between the work and life. The selection of leisure activities should be based of the daily work of the people. Physical work needed for those who are more physically involved and mental rest is necessory for those who are engaged in mentaly straining jobs.
joythblessy   
Nov 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay, leisure activities: physical or mental rest [4]

Hai dumi...

Thanks for yor help..
I am totally agreeing with your suggestions.
1 st suggestion :
When i read the sentance seperately, i feel you are exactly right.

Thanks once again..
joythblessy   
Nov 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / Public celebrations are a waste of money..? [4]

Public celebrations (National days, Festivals) are held in many countries some people say that these celebrations are a waste of money and we should spend money on more important things. Do you agree or disagree? Give your reasons and examples according to your knowledge and experience.

Celebrations are integral part of our life, no matter whether it is private or public. However, some people feel that public celebrations are not useful and a mere wastage of time and money, others oppose. I feel that, there are so many reasons to give importance to public celebrations in our busy schedule of life.

To begin with, celebrating national days gives us an opportunity to honor and remember the person or incident behind it. New generation will come to know the importance of these national heroes and the honoring is passing into new generation. Furthermore, these celebrations inspire to read and understand what they did for the country or community. It may further influence the younger people and guide them to right direction. For instance, while celebrating the Independence Day both children and adult remembering the heroes who sacrifice their life in the freedom fight.

Secondly, it is an occasion of get together. People from different parts of the country, state or even family come together. For instance, for celebrating Christmas not only families live apart, but also, the people of the whole community gathering in the churches. These celebrations leave an unforgettable memory in minds of the participants. Additionally, it helps to strengthen old relations and make new one. Mingling of different age groups, culture and social status enrich the knowledge and outlook.

Lastly, these great occasions are beneficial to exhibit the tradition of a country or a community. Practice is the best way to protect a culture from extinction. Besides, it provides a chance for the young generation to understand and follow their traditional values and styles. During these celebrations, people are usually wearing their traditional dresses and enjoying customary foods. Moreover, it will be wonderful experience for people those who are not familiar with these traditional practices. Some of the festivals are of international attention, attracts tourists, and thereby foreign exchange.

To conclude, the opponents of public celebrations may argue that, these may invite unexpected accidents, and over expanses of the state or country, especially in poor countries. However, I strongly believe that, it is an indespensible part of our life, because it provides get together, an occasion to remember great people and helps to maintain cultural identities.
joythblessy   
Nov 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Athletes and sports professionals deserve it' - essay [11]

Hai Arminima..

lots of spelling mistakes are there in your essay...

:1st para you told without talent no professionals...means most important is talent...?
But second para you wrote hard work is the most important...
So make sure what you are writting...

: Commonist society...?

Practice harder...
Concentrate little bit more on spellings...

:
joythblessy   
Nov 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / Gifted by nature women plays a significant role in bringing a new child [2]

Hai...

Please add the full question before starting your essay. Even one question can ask in different ways. Ex: opinion, discussion, and so on...

:Now a days :- it is one word, Nowadays

:3rd para is only 2 sentances. Too short, put more words..

:I like your conclusion..
joythblessy   
Nov 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / Essay about my visit to a friend and his wife's problems [2]

Hai..

You wrote you friend's wife fell down and died..

what about changing the word died..To unconcious..
Hope you are not a professional to confrim a death..

: doctors will not operate a dead mother unless her baby is alive..

:tell that the baby was healthy or in good condition...
joythblessy   
Nov 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'no authority to tax' - The Founding Fathers essay [4]

Hai...
Please tell us is this essay is for IELTS or not...
Each essays has its own format...
I felt is a short essay
One body para and a conclution, i didn't find an introduction...
joythblessy   
Nov 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / Public celebrations are a waste of money..? [4]

hai...
Your 1st essay you closed before any correction. If it is by mistake, leave it open. You selected the button close thread while posting the essay. If doing like this no boby can put their suggestion. So avoid pressing 'close the thread', if you want to put more than two essays then you can close one thread and put another essay..

you posted your second essay in a correct way...
Keeep it up.
joythblessy   
Nov 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) Better: knowledge for book or experience [7]

"Not everything learned is contained in books ". Compare and contrast knowledge gained from books with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion which source is more important and why?

Books are treasure houses of knowledge and wisdom. Some people prefer learning knowledge from books while others favor first-hand experience. I feel either books or experience alone is not sufficient for providing complete acquaintance.

Books preserve the great thoughts, wise judgments, and the accumulated knowledge of the past. They are able to give the basic information, which leads to new inventions. It improves our creativity and imagination. Besides, it holds all knowledge gained by previous generations through their observation and experience. Therefore, books are the holders of human kinds' experience. They are comparatively cheap, and can be used anywhere. Furthermore, books allow us to expand the depth of our knowledge by sharing other peoples' experiences. Additionally, not all fields are accessible for everybody. For instance, so many people eager to the study about space exploration, but only a few went into space so far.

On the other hand, awareness from practical experience is more memorable and enjoyable. It help to learn from attitudes and situations, how to handle difficult problems and conditions. To understand completely about anything, we need to experience them first hand. People are different and the problem solving style is dependents on the perception of people, which is diverse from person to person. Experience is limited to our own and that of other people we known well. Sufficient knowledge only is not enough to practice in some fields. For instance, swimming cannot learn from reading books, it needs real life experience and practice.

In conclusion, for gaining complete knowledge, it is better to learn from book and experience. Bookish knowledge can enhance practical skills. By using both books and one's experience one can move forward.
joythblessy   
Nov 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) Better: knowledge for book or experience [7]

hai dumi...

Thanks for your correction and encouragement...

I tried to avoid repeating knowledge by attempting a new word...bt...

It was really helpful for me to know the difference between learning and gaining...
joythblessy   
Nov 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) Better: knowledge for book or experience [7]

hai...

I got your idea ...

I corrected it in the same way as you did now...
I felt it was some error in typing...
No problem at all...
Thanks for noticeing it and correction..
Thanks a lot
joythblessy   
Nov 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) high payment for sports professionals is fair or not [2]

Successful sport professionals can earn a great deal of money than people in other important professions. Some people think it is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The world of sport is a multimillion-dollar industry. Recently successful sport professionals can earn enormous amount of money than other peoples who contributes their efforts in various other important fields, like teachers, scientists, doctors and so on. Some argue that these huge salaries are highly justified, while others deem it as unfair.

On the one hand, various professions contribute to making our world run more smoothly. Doctors put at least 5 years of study and internship. There work save lives. Teachers educate and inspire young people and their efforts produce responsible citizens of tomorrow. These people are vital part of our society. Nevertheless, these professionals struggle to meet both ends to meet, despite of their meaningful and critical contributions to the world.

On the one hand, sport is considered as a professional career, in which the top few players should rightly earn high salaries. They achieve fame and money by dint of their constant hard work and determination. Athletes train vigorously from an early age to become peak performers in their field. In course of training, they suffer injuries, even become disabled. They have to face tremendous pressure in each game, match or competition. Risky professions need high return.

Besides, their carrier is rather short and expensive. They compromise their personal lives and lose their privacy. I believed that, money is one form of recognition of their skills and dedication. Moreover, their achievement brings honor and attention, not only to themselves, but also to their teams, cities or countries. They inspire and entertain millions of people. Successful sport personalities encourage business in several ways. Additionally, some sports men often participate in social voluntary activities and support charity organizations to finance more fund.

In conclusion, it is true that our society places more value on sport, than on more indispensible professions and achievements. Personally, I think that, the amount of money, which sports starts makes, is justified as an honor to their hard work and dedication behind their victory, because unlimited talents should be rewarded unlimitedly.
joythblessy   
Nov 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / Essay bout Jeddah, Saudi Arabia city [3]

hai...

Bodied Muslims...what you mean..?

You can add about some industries and the pleasent climate of the city.

Good attampt..
joythblessy   
Nov 30, 2012
Writing Feedback / Teaching kids to be actively outside and limit the use of electronic devices [2]

Hai...

To start off with...?
Better = to begin with, to start with...

At a young age....lazy...: change cause to because

This para i feel it is weak..
Health problems... add examaples..
:Health problems such as obesity, vision problems and so on

:Spot of sports...?
You mean play ground, swimming pool...? Anyway it is not clear to me...

In short you neeed lots of practice, read others essay as much as possible..

Make a plan before writing
For ex
If you plan an essay of 5para
plan about the points included in each para, just in words..
Then start..read question in between your writing, to aviod off topic..

All the best..
Tessy.
joythblessy   
Dec 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay, gap year between high school and university [2]

Hai..

Advantages para i feel o.k some points are there.

But disadvantages add more ideas..

They may feel they are gaining more money than their counter parts in university and give up further studies.

If they miss the opportunity of university studies, they may lose a chance for better career and living standards.

They may involve in anti-social activities as a short cut to save more money, which may spoil their future life totally.

Read more essays of others....
joythblessy   
Dec 1, 2012
Writing Feedback / Expressing concern : Environmental Damage VS Rise in standard of Living [7]

Hai...

Before adding anything I just wants to know that this essay is for IELTS or not.
I know only structure of IELTS essays...!
In the starting of your essay, you wrote 'prompt, assignment' which confused me.

Anyway, thanks for your response.

Best of luck,
Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 2, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS Topic. women's role in modern society [5]

hai...

I feel you should read the question once more...

The question is men discreminated or not..(Nice topic)

The first para is totally about arab musilm,as i am working in K.S.A i know the depth of the reality..

I think it is off topic..

Dumi already told it...

Second para...

also not justificable..

Collect some ideas...
Here are some in support...(agree)
Now
:female employment reservations
:Maternity leave and other leaves increase work load of men
:Leave preference also : female..
:Top posts are given to women nowadays..they post more females.
:Females shown their presence in all fields, before not: example Army..
:high income of female employment in some fields eg: nursing, male now depending on females (some times)..

You can write good essays...
Rewrite if possible...
Sorry, if it disappointed you...

Take it as a challenge...
All the best..

Tessy

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