Writing Feedback / La Nina Could Affect the Spread of Virus ! [2]

Hello everyone, it is my first time writing an essay, so I really need help from you all to review my essay, thank you

How La Nina Could Affect the Spread of Zika

El Nino and La Nina affected weather worldwide and health of million people this year. La Nina is the counterpart of El Nino which is characterized by the cooling of ocean surface waters in the equatorial Pacific. Temperature, humidity and rainfall are climatic factors which changes in weather caused by La Nina, this means may increasing opportunity for Zika virus (disease-bearing mosquito) to be abundant.

Human factor are also acts as important role to prevent the spreading of epidemics. "Shift in geographical distribution of the virus", said Justin Lessler, is related to human behavior such as travel, human density, and housing structure. However, controlling the disease is possible by several method, namely insecticides and education campaign since there are no licensed vaccine for the disease.

Approval for the first vaccine which was recently announced by The National Institutes of Health will takes several years. The risk of Zika virus still high due to some individual who are not immune and licensed vaccine is still a long-term intervention.

news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/08/will-la-nina-affect-the-spread-of-zika-/

Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Asia's Lions Live in One Last Place on Earth-and They're Thriving [3]

Roaring across Middle East and Asia, The Asiatic lions beyond endangered animal, they are become the symbol of strength and icon in Hinduism. The number of this species have reached a low of approximately 500 lions and more than 90% of them live in India's Gir National Park. This condition led to many conservation program across the globe. Conservation group and local community supports are the greatest power as the conservation program is most likely success, and it is happen like a real story of hope.

Preventing from extinction that probably could be happen in GIr National Park, translocation to Palpur-Kuno which was initiated by Indian Authority, become an alternative to answering this problem, although several factors should be taken as notes. However, several Asiatic Lion live in the zoo and yet there are no plans to release them. This story of hope is expected to inspire other big cats conservation program worldwide.

news.nationalgeographic.com/2016/08/asia-endangered-world-lion-day-conservation/

Writing Feedback / Wired Summary: Think Explosions Are the Only Way to Form Calderas? Think Again [2]

A simple concept which explaining caldera forming is pushed by volcanic lava and gas throughout the crack beneath the surface. This earth driven power will throw a big blast and rearranging earth surface shape by leaving circular form as we know it as caldera. Recent study pointing that there are alternative concept of caldera forming process. The two most recent examples of this new concept happened in 1912 at Philippine's Pintatubo and in 1912 at Alaska's Katmai.

Geoscientists believe that new type caldera forming is driven by gravitational force when there is an escalation of weight on the volcanic surface as a process of vacating the magma chamber. Unstable surface sometimes lead to a collapse and forms a depression. Bardarbunga in Iceland is a volcanic sites that used by scientist to observe this style since it is known as "relaxed" volcano. Several earthquakes are also recorded around Bardarbunga Caldera due to "ring fault" at boundary of the caldera.

wired.com/2016/07/explosive-eruptions-arent-way-form-caldera/

Writing Feedback / Wired Summary : Augmented Reality Games Like Pokémon Go Need a Code of Ethics-Now [2]

Booming of augmented reality game which is developed by Niantic has led to apotheoses of pokemon. People seems to let-off their guard in the middle of the Neo-Luddite contrarianism. Threat to human safety and game's developer security concerned people in enormous ways, including the question about ethical standards for the game.

Since the physical dimension getting involved in the joyfulness of video games as we called it augmented reality, it has been driven people to move into another level of awareness. We may have enter the world getting-abused problem since players are being forced to see each other in flesh. If this condition is not compensated by the self-awareness and law education the results would be catastrophic.

Furthermore, there is a movement in economy indicated by the increasing of physical traces caused by virtual commodities and augmented reality is not only about a pocket smartphone gaming but also shifting the world business. In the end, industry-wide ethical standards must be defined for the better future.

wired.com/2016/08/ethics-ar-pokemon-go/

Writing Feedback / Time Summary: China's Launch of a Quantum Satellite is a Major Step in the Space Race [3]

Cracked message which is would alert and altered messages across the globe is the background of the establishment of the first quantum satellite and it is has been launched by China in Gobi desert. This is a big movement to put pressure to eavesdropper since the quantum communication utilizes subatomic particle so that can't be cracked.

Providing that quantum message is almost successfully sent for years via land, this becomes a big step to overcome the greatness of multipurpose telecommunication. Quick encrypted message in an instant seems likely to be possible since the launching of quantum satellite. Edward Snowden's revelation has been always as the moment of turning point in cyber security and put cyber war between U.S. and China.

China potrays this condition as a leading in information technology, although there are several uncertainty regarding this satellite launching. Quantum satellite is expected to become the global standard. All in one, the problems related to wiretapped information is no longer intruded as the quantum link will be connected in no matter of time.

time.com/4453675/china-quantum-satellite-launch/

Writing Feedback / Time Summary: Russia and Iran Fly Across a Key Threshold in the Middle East [3]

Iran allowed Russia's bombers to fly from it's base to attack rebels in Syria. This condition leads a growing of pro-Moscow movement. Moreover, sophisticated air-defense system is been provided by Russia to Tehran recently which caused the relation between this two anti-U.S becomes warm. Many analysts interpreted this condition as another Russia's poke to U.S and its ally, also as an advance to be seen as major military power.

T-22M3 and Su-34 tactical bombing took off from Hamedan airbase, in addition they have warned the U.S military to "don't stand out in their way". The targets include the number of ammo depots, command posts, and training camps.

An enormous political effect seems inevitably. Such an explicit bold purpose to maintain Bahar Assad in reign and this war that has been happening for more than 5 years, put Syria in total turmoil. Even though the U.S has accused Russia of indiscriminate, this action means nothing since the Russia maneuver also comes with smashing geo-political thresholds.

time.com/4454681/russia-iran-fly-bombers-syria-middle-east/

Writing Feedback / Time Summary: Why Buying the Latest Apple Gadget Can Feel Like a Religious Experience [3]

Your feedback is very welcome !

Some people can't resist to buy the latest gadgets on its first sales announcement. This seems likely to occur as human brain is wired that makes them crave on the gadgets. Sundeep Teki, a neuroscientist at the University of Oxford, mentioned that it is human natural desire to seek security and social acknowledgement. This action triggers the reward network in the striatum, then followed by releasing dopamine. When this condition is rewarded, dopamine level will increase. In the other words, apple companies are seeing this as a opportunity exploit human desire. Such a normal view in this day and age, apple products activate people brain to picture their products as a faith.

Neuromarketing is the combination of marketing and neuroscience. Business utilize this concept through several psychology and neuroscience experimental to trigger human desire on gadgets. Psychology reason also plays important role, there is a people hope within technology development. People has experienced this development and they put their trust in it.

Writing Feedback / Trying to paraphrase it to write introduction paragraphs (IELTS writing practice) [3]

Your feedback is very welcome ! bold sentence is the questions, so I'm trying to paraphrase it to write introduction paragraph

As global trade increase, many goods, including those we use on a daily basis, are produced in other countries and have to be a transported long distances.

Do the benefits of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
A number of countries are becoming producers of certain goods that we use in daily routine due to the development of global trade. Furthermore, this seems likely require more distance to reach its destination. Prior to this, there are two point of views regarding to this issue, first, some people stand on the notion that mentioned the drawbacks are more likely to occur in general, but I tend to say that there will be more weight on benefits when global trade development leads to multi-country cooperation.

In many country, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong while the others consider it as valuable work experience

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.
The youth seems always categorized as non-productive class and often they are not considered to enter workplaces. However, hiring children as a paid worker becomes a reality which happened in many countries. There are several notions regarding to this issue, for instance some people believe that this could be a precious experience to be undergone, but I would like to say that such condition will lead to a totally disastrous children development.

Unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school program (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood, or teaching sports to younger children).

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Community service which trending in this day and age is non-paying activity that is performed by a group of people for the benefit of the public. In addition, a positive atmosphere in societies will result in practically. It drives high school to involve unpaid community service program as their necessary education program (for example, charity works, neighbourhood improvements, or teaching sports). While some people think that it is not crucial to be a compulsory part of high school program, I would more likely to agree that it will bring a positive ambience and benefit for student development.

Writing Feedback / Modern technology and its global impact on human. Writing body paragraph. [2]

Bold sentence is given by the book, so I'm trying to write a counter argument paragraph below it. Your feedback is very welcome ! thank you

One Idea Paragraph

The main benefit of modern technology is that people's live are much more convenient. This is because we are able to do many things without having to stay at the office or home, something which is extremely important given the busy lifestyle of today. For example, most people now have a mobile phone or laptop computer, and Wi-Fi is available in virtually every place. As a result, people are able to do their homework, liaise with colleagues or friends, and check their emails anywhere they choose such as in coffee shops or while travelling on a train or bus. There is no doubt that this has improved people's lives in many ways and this would not have been possible without improved technology.

However, one of the biggest concerns about modern technology today is pollution, since vehicles and major manufacture factories still rely on fossil fuel energy which has caused a staggering number of carbon dioxide emission. Taking cities in U.S. as example, big cities across the U.S. which are crowded with vehicles and factories has contributed to 60% of its nation pollution. As a consequence, exacerbation of earth pristine seems inevitable, this condition might greatly have an enormous impact on global warming. Therefore, it is evident that modern technology is likely to deteriorate our planet balance if it is not compensated with strict regulations.

Multiple Idea Paragraph

There is no doubt that modern technology has improved people's live in many ways. Firstly, people's live are much more convenient because we have devices such as mobile phones, meaning that people can communicate when and where they like, not just in the office or home. In addition, people are living much longer lives due to the advance in medical technology, with doctors now able to carry out complicated heart surgery and other operations that were not possible many years ago. People's live have also improved around the home. Evidence of this can be seen with all the devices that are now readily available to people that save time such as microwaves, washing machines, and dish washers. None of this would have been possible without advances in technology.

However, there are several notion that mentioned the drawbacks are also likely to occur. Although sophisticated technology has ameliorate people's live, there is growing concern that modern technology has contributed to earth pollution, since there a great number of technologies nowadays still rely on fossil fuel energy. Furthermore, as mobile phone connects people more frequently, our society seems do not lend themselves to the actual of socializing, and social isolation becomes a real phenomenon. Another aspect that shows latest technology is harmful is when it comes to the youth. Young generations are more exposed to unfiltered information, for instance they has accessed through the internet and television which are packed with risky sexual content and any others uneducated behaviors. Such an unpleasant portrayal that modern technologies has brought the human race into.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task (Practice) Topic: Study Abroad [2]

Task 2
In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country.
Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge, and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence

Education plays an important role in creating future portrayal. This seems likely to lead people to seek better education system through a credible institution. Gaining education degree in its own native country is a way that is chosen by people in the past, while there are a great chance for people to study in foreign country. Even though that when people study abroad, they will deal with language problem, culture shock, and cost living, I would more like to believe that this step should be chosen as a big step to broadening the horizon.

Several problems will occur while people are studying abroad, it means that that they also come with disadvantage. First and foremost, the most difficult situations is when language become barrier to communicate, since language is predominant to communicate with local dwellers in overseas country. Also, some people will be stunned by its origin cultures which has a lot of differences compared to their own nation. This condition seems to add more burden to life, so people get shock and they will find it difficult to adapt. In addition, several foreign countries also have their own standard for living, as it can be seen in first-world country, living there will cost a lot of money. Students who does not get its scholarship will not ever be survived, but still there are a great number of part time jobs to get extra money.

In contrast, studying overseas also comes with an opportunity to broadening the horizon, because the foreign country provides a lot of experiences which people never have before. They will find a lot of best education facilities, and world-leading experts. In other words, students might find the best educational system which is most suitable for them. Taking as example, Japan is a country leading in geotechnical research throughout the world. The lab and facilities are equipped with the most state-of-the-art engine and simulator. As a result, student there will experience a virtual event that occur in nature and that is really a great benefit for their research. Therefore, through studying overseas will broaden the horizon since several country provide their best of certain areas.

To sum up, it is evident that although taking a chair in one of overseas countries will struggle with language, culture, and money related problem, it is more likely for people to widen their knowledge through a precious experience. To support this, people should prepare themselves with sufficient informations regarding to study plan and program from the very first.

• 
  Task 1
  

Writing Feedback / Natural deterioration has became a major concern in any part across the globe. [3]

Individual can do nothing to improve the environment. Only large companies and business can make a difference.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Natural deterioration has became a major concern in any part across the globe. Initiative actions to make a big difference regarding to this pressing issues only could be performed by big company and business, whereas there is nothing individual can do. While a great number of resources and networks owned by huge enterprise will make environment better, I would more likely to agree that simple actions related to natural improvement can be done individually.

Those that support this developing issue argue that large companies and businesses are equipped with powerful resources and wide networks. This aspect gives a better opportunity to maintain environment. They have not only asset to fund the programs, but also they have people to execute the action plan. Taking Pertamina as an example, this Indonesia oil company had succeed with their afforestation program in several Indonesia jungle areas. As a result, with their riches, they establish green forest program in no matter of time. Therefore, as they come with huge resources, big company can make a big difference for the benefit of nature.

However, improving environment can be done by doing simple thing. In other words, actually everyone have responsibility to make human surrounding better. Individual have vantage points since they are not restricted by regulation and bureaucracy instead of big company. Taking action regarding to environment issue could be initiated with uncomplicated ways, for instance reducing to use vehicle, cleaning neighborhood regularly, and also recycling used items. Taking Japan as example, although this country is famous by their industrial factories, local occupants there has a belief that to keep environment is everyone responsibility. Thus, they always put waste on a bin, reducing domestic waste, and recycle housing items for something useful. As a result, Japan is always success in controlling the environment and it seems that they never deal with domestic or industrial waste related problem. For this reason, individual also can make a great change if they are really eager to achieve it.

To sum up, it is evident that although huge enterprises are equipped with mighty assets, I believe that every person can make a big difference for the benefit of environment. This also should be supported with government program to create a harmonize integration.

Writing Feedback / Many people has acknowledged that internet makes their daily business more accessible [3]

Your feedback is very welcome !

The internet has made human lives more convenient.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the growth in cyber technology, many people has felt that internet makes their daily business more accessible. I believe that advancing in communication and online trade are the most striking point that driving this developing issue.

The benefit on internet is that people are much easier to communicate each other. Since the introduction of email in last decades, this moment becomes a threshold that stimulating the existence of another communication tools. Then, online chat and social media has appeared, this makes people are able to keep in touch anywhere and anytime in no matter of time. For example, in the past, people were relying on mail to reach their relatives that took a long time before the mail was sent. Recently, with the help of internet, human could make conversation in a real time, even several people are choosing video conference. As a consequence, human kind are always connected, with their families and the rest of the world. Thus, internet connects people whenever and wherever.

Another reason is the shifting of shopping behavior from conventional method to online shopping. Since internet has conquered every aspects in people lives, this includes the trade sector. Online shop is appear as possible solution so that people could buy goods and stuffs without wasting so much effort by looking around. Supported with internet banking, transaction are using online payment as people called it "e-cash". Taking eBay as an example, this U.S. based online shop sells a great number of goods which could be reached via internet, dwellers around the world are prone to buy something that they need through this website. As a result, without having such a big effort, people could just sit down and enter the web address, pay through internet banking, and in several day the item will arrive in their home or office. Therefore, it is legit to say that internet makes shopping easier.

In brief, the advancement of communication and online shop means that this makes daily activities are much more easily handled. Measure should be taken to reduce the dependency of internet so people could back to socialize as human kind.

Writing Feedback / Water Use in Gulf Countries 2000 - Task 1 IELTS Writing [3]

Water Use in Gulf Countries 2000

The bar chart illustrates the usage of water for different purposes in six countries in 2000 and is measured in percentage. Overall, it is evident that, with the exception of Bahrain and Kuwait, the major purpose of water use in four Middle-East countries was for agriculture.

Qatar consumed water nearly 60% for agriculture, while domestic purpose was only a half of it. UAE also used up most of water for agriculture and its domestic purpose was only more than a half of cultivation. Both Oman and Saudi Arabia shared similar pattern, they used water predominantly for agriculture with approximately 82% although its domestic usage was only a minority. Several countries in Arabian Gulf used less of water for industry.

Turning to the countries that used most of water for domestic. Bahrain consumed nearly 55% of its water for domestic. This was followed by agriculture which was not slightly different. Approximately 20% of water in Kuwait was used for agriculture. On the other hand, in Kuwait, water usage for domestic was three times as much water as farming purpose.

• 
  IMG_0102.JPG
  

Writing Feedback / The diagrams present a wind turbine section model and the best position to get maximal electricity. [4]

Your feedback is very welcome ! thank you

The diagram shows the design for a wind turbine and its location.

The diagram presents a wind turbine section model and its preferred stance position. The main fact that stand out is that although wind turbine has the same specifications, it can be seen that location in which it is constructed accounts for resulting electricity output.

A standard wind turbine is made up of following components, first, blades are made of fiberglass or wood. Wind speed and direction towards the turbine are recorded by wind sensor. Afterwards, wind energy is transformed into electricity by generator. Once the blade is rotated, computer collects direction and angle information. Regarding to construction position, there are two possible locations for the wind turbine tower. Rather than to place the turbine at low level of elevation where the wind is not spoiled by land surface, it is better to optimize the output electricity by constructing the wind turbine at a higher place where the wind comes with maximum strengths.

• 
  IMG_0119.JPG