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Posts by LadyOfClockwork [Suspended]
Name: wang gang
Joined: Jun 26, 2017
Last Post: Apr 10, 2021
Threads: 30
Posts: 102  
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From: China

Displayed posts: 132 / page 2 of 4
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LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 5, 2017
Writing Feedback / What is better for students, living in boarding school or in their parents? [4]

@ayibram
Hi, I'd like to make several corrections for you.

=> Those who supported the boarding (...) advantages thatcan be broughtto students.
=> ... away from their homes,
=> In addition, if children lived closely with their teachers, it would will form ...
=> Another argument (...) the term lead to several drawbacks. => ...staying in school is to students' disadvantage/students who stay in school are at disadvantage

=> For example, the parents are able to see ...
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 5, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: Accommodations for holidaymakers [6]

@sarahna
Hi, I'd like to rewrite a sentence for you.

In 1965, staying with friends ... =>
While 55% of travelers stayed with friends or relatives in 1965, the figure fell to 35% in 1985 and ended up even lower, at 30% in 2005
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 6, 2017
Writing Feedback / The pie charts below show how dangerous waste products are dealt with in three countries [4]

The pie charts below show how dangerous waste products are dealt with in three countries.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


Toxic waste



The pie charts are presented for analysis of the disposal methods of hazardous waste materials employed in three countries - Korea, Sweden and the UK. Each figure represents a country in the list. In the essay, I will summarize the destinations of waste and make comparisons between the states wherever needed.

The bulk of dangerous waste is buried on land in the UK and Sweden, while waste recycling is strongly preferable in Korea. The technique is also employed on a modest scale in Sweden but does not come into use in the UK, the only country to dump waste materials at sea or treat them with chemical products. As to incineration, it is a fairly common treatment process in Sweden but rarely used in the others.

As an insight into the details, 82% of dangerous waste products end up in landfills in the UK, compared with 55% in Sweden and 22% in Korea. 69% of dangerous waste products are recycled in Korea, much higher than 25% in Sweden. The figure is even lower in the UK that does not recycle materials of this kind.

With regard to the treatments unique to the country, 8% of dangerous waste products are subject to chemical treatment and as many are dumped at sea. It burns roughly the same percentage of waste as Korea does, 2% versus 9%. In Sweden, however, as much as 20% of dangerous waste products are reduced to ash.

I would more appreciate it if you score my essay,

I have a question: in my third and fourth paragraphs, I uniformly used "dangerous waste products" to match "the percentage of"(82% of..., 69% of... etc.). Some textbooks recommend replacing "dangerous waste products" with similar expression including "hazardous waste products" and "waste materials" for language variety. Is the replacement necessary?

I sticked to "dangerous waste products", since I found a report from the U.S. Energy Information Administration (EIA), in which only "...% of U.S. electricity generation" is used.


eia.gov/energyexplained/index.cfm?page=electricity_in_the_united_states




LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 6, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 _Description of Graph - spending time on the phone calls [5]

@IELTSWARRIOR
Hi, I think you should not have addressed the details before properly paraphrasing the prompts.

Here is an example I offer for you:
The chart below shows the total number of minutes ...
=> The bar chart shows the total duration of telephone calls in billion minutes, in the UK from 1995 to 2002. They fall into three categories, namely: local fixed line calls; national and international fixed line calls; and all types of mobile calls.
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 6, 2017
Writing Feedback / The pie charts below show how dangerous waste products are dealt with in three countries [4]

@Holt
Thank you Marry for your clarification. In China mainland, tens of thousands of anxious IELTS applicants are baffled with conflicting recommendations by dubious gurus of the test. Without you, I would hardly make any improvement. Your authoritative and conscientious advice can rarely be heard otherwise. I will keep improving my skills accordingly.

Though I do desire an 8, I'd like to reassure you of my patience. This month I have much time to practice. Very looking forward to hearing your further advice. :)
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task 1] The bar chart shows different methods of waste disposal in four cities [3]

The bar chart shows different methods of waste disposal in four cities: Toronto, Madrid, Kuala Lumpur and Amman.
Summarize the information by describing the main features of the chart and making comparisons where appropriate.


waste management in the world



The bar chart illustrates the differences in waste management between four cities - Toronto, Madrid, Kuala Lumpur and Amman. The methods they use consist of landfill, incineration, recycling and composting. In this essay I will outline the destinations of waste in the cities listed and draw comparisons where appropriate.

Overall, composting is the least used disposal technique, with just a small fraction of waste converted to compost in each city. Recycling is carried out on a modest scale in Madrid and Kuala Lumpur, though it is less common in the other cities. The primary disposal processes are landfill and incineration, which cope with around 70% of waste combined in each city.

In Amman, approximately only three percent of waste ends up as compost. While the composting rate is slightly higher in anywhere else, it fluctuates within the bracket between five to ten percent. By way of comparison, Madrid recycles marginally above 20% of waste, roughly the same percentage as Kuala Lumpur but more than ten percent higher than Toronto or Amman does.

The use of landfill and incineration varies with the city. In Toronto and Amman each, landfills absorb up to around 75% and 50% of waste products, while about 10% and 40% of those are fed to incinerators. In Madrid and Kuala Lumpur, however, the situation is reversed. Respectively, 40% and around 55% of waste materials are reduced to ash, whereas approximately only 30% and 15% of those are buried on land.

I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.
I tried to develop my own writing style this time. Hope it works.





LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 8, 2017
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: invest in infrastructure and physical plant V.S. invest in keeping the faculty satisfied [3]

Hi, I try to make some corrections for you.

... the latest computers and it is just a waste of ...

--- you need a conjunction to correct the run-on sentence.

It There is no doubt ...

... how to make to the best use ...

... focus on physical facilities because it allows ...
--- "facility" is a countable noun

... human capital plays a vital role ...

... students well without having the best facility.

... universities have been using used over ...
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / Parent should not pressure their children to choose particular profession. [7]

Hi, I'd like to make some corrections for you.

Children must not be forced by ...
--to use passive voice, you should have used "forced".

They should be free to decide on the profession they want.
--to mean "choose", you should have used "decided on".

children should not be pressured and free ...
--to use passive voice, you should have used "pressured".

These kind of attitude put a lot ...
-- you should have used"these kinds" or "the kind"

For instance, when a parents are both ...
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / Contrast high schools and universities - Contrast Essay [6]

There are spelling and grammatical mistakes that should have been avoided.

... decide to continue futher further study or start working.

... technique is the most easy easiest point to distinguish high shools schools and colleges.

... follow the offical official schedules and textbooks.

... feedback for the anwers answers students aks asks them.

For instance, a girl who has just (...) on high school and properly makes ...

Manybe Maybe it would ...

... when they do those that work is an obligation.

... and learning mothod method, connection, and awareness are three proninent prominent features that ...
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / The maps illustrate how Meadowside village and Fonton, which is a neighboring town - development [4]

The maps illustrate how Meadowside village and Fonton, which is a neighboring town, have developed over three different time periods (1962, 1985 and the present).
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


transformation of Meadowside - analisys



Three maps are provided for analysis of the transformation in Meadowside village and the nearby town of Fonton. The time points chosen for the purpose are 1962, 1985 and the present. In this essay, I will summarize their developments in size and infrastructure, and make comparisons wherever relevant.

Overall, Meadowside and Fonton alike have undergone immense changes. They used to be completely separate but merge together as they both expand far beyond their original size. Initially as a village, Meadowside is converted to a suburb where a range of facilities are created.

In 1962, Meadowside was a small village in the west, located on a narrow road curving north to west. In contrast, Fonton was a town of modest size in the east end, situated on a railway winding north to east. This year, there was no transport route connecting Meadowside and Fonton, nor did any other facility exist.

In 1985, there was considerable growth in the size of Meadowside and Fonton. The road intersecting Meadowside was upgraded to a broader one, from which a new road branched off east to communicate it with Fonton. Around the convergence of these roads sprung up a leisure complex, a housing estate and a supermarket.

Currently, Meadowside, which is now a suburb, and Fonton have united as a result of further expansions. A new railway extends to the west where a station comes into existence. To its north is established a hotel; across the east-west road from the station lies a newly-built business park.

Though map comparison tasks are not common, I have to prepare for them that do appear the test. I try to develop my own style of map comparison writing.

I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.





LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / The maps illustrate how Meadowside village and Fonton, which is a neighboring town - development [4]

@Holt
Thank you. It is quite considerate of you to give me the advice. I would like to reassure you that my stamina will not flag.

When I started to write IELTS essay a couple months ago, my goal was quite simple, that is, preparing the writing section, the most formidable challenge to the applicants in China mainland. My fellows excel at Listening and Reading, so much so that even a 9 for one of the sections are not uncommon in my country. However, when it comes to Writing, most of us can barely score a 6 or even lower. That is largely because there are myriad dubious gurus and misleading recommendations of the test in my country. As a non native English learner, I cannot make difference between good and bad, right and wrong. So frustrated and beguiled, I fell short of giving up the test.

That's why I felt as if I found a new world when I went to the forum. Your authoritative and conscientious advice lighted my path, dispelled my misgivings and breathed confidence into my mind. I practiced writing accordingly and enjoyed every inch of progress. Fatigue rarely overtook me, as I was always in a buoyant mood.

Furthermore, it dawned on me that writing practice is not merely preparation for IElTS, but an ideal way to learn English. In the process, I've strengthened my grasp of words and phrases that I superficially knew. For instance, by writing this essay, I've fully understood the usage of "to curve", "to wind", "to situate","to locate", "convergence","nor", etc. If I had not tried to use them myself, I would not have made the improvement in my English proficiency.

So Thank you for your kindness. You thoughtfulness is a gift I will always treasure. But you might well not be worried about my steam. I will be more enthusiastic and spirited to see my advance, in both IETLS preparation and broader English skills.
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Task 1] The two maps show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities [9]

@Holt
Hi. I've just rewritten the essay. Please feel free to give me advice. I try to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing.

The maps illustrate the transformation of an island due to tourism development. They each represent what the island looks like at different time periods. In this essay, I will summarize the change in natural landscape and artificial amenities, and make a before-and-after comparison.

Overall, the wild island with sparse vegetation has been converted to an adequately equipped tourist attraction. A wide array of facilities is built on land. The sea around is also brought into use.

The scene used to be fairly monotonous. No trace of human touch could be found here. The only decoration for the island was the trees sprinkled on both sides.

However, it comes to life when the tourism project is completed. While the plants remain intact, the beach at the west tip is available for swimming. Approximately 100 meters east is constructed a vehicle to run the breadth of the island, connecting a pier on the south coast and a restaurant to the north. At the midway point is built a reception, flanked by two rings of lodgings, each networked with footpaths.
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Task 1] The two maps show an island, before and after the construction of some tourist facilities [9]

@Holt
Hi. I've just rewritten the essay. I try to develop my own style after carefully reading your model answer. An image has been added here for convenience. Please feel free to give me advice. I try to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing.

Two maps illustrate an island that has been developed for tourism. Significant differences can be found between before and after the development. In this essay, I will summarize all these changes to provide an insightful comparison.

Overall, the island presented for analysis is a tiny patch of land rising up the surface, about 250 meters in length and 100 meters in width. It used to be a solitary area with small pockets of greenery. Yet now, with the addition of assorted amenities, it has been converted to a tourist attraction.

Before the tourism project, there was no service facility, nor was the beach at the western tip developed. Visitors could not even reach the island that did not have any landing stage for boats. Apart from the sparse palm trees scattered in the east and west, it was utterly destitute of vegetation.

However, the landscape has undergone tremendous transformation as a diverse range of structures and transport routes are constructed. Around 100 meters from the western end is built a pier to greet boats of tourists. They go ashore here before taking a ride up the vehicle track to the reception where they check in.

When the process is finished, they will be driven to the restaurant in the north for dinner or walk to huts at each side to have a rest. The accommodation units form two rings, each well-connected with footpaths that also link the beach, where the water area has become a swimming space. It is worth to mention that the palm trees are not cut down to make way for the development, since the maps demonstrate they remain intact.

Notes: comparing the maps, I see the trees are unchanged. An observation might differs from your model answer.




LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task 1] Below is a map of the city of Brandfield - investments plan [3]

Below is a map of the city of Brandfield. City planners have decided to build a new shopping mall for the area, and two sites, S1 and S2 have been proposed.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.


investments plan for brandfield



The map given illustrates the city of Brandfield where a new shopping mall is planned. Two sites, S1 and S2, have been put forward for consideration. In this essay, I will summarize their advantages and disadvantages by making appropriate comparisons.

In advance of a closer look at each option, it is sensible to present an overview of the city. There is a river meandering through the city center to the north, where is situated the housing estate on a road and a railway. To the east is built the industrial estate, whose edges are touched by the railway and the other road.

S1 is immediately north of the city center, within the narrow belt between the residential area and the river. Transportation is convenient to S1, as it is on the same traffic lines as the housing complex. Such a situation makes it readily accessible to urban dwellers or people working downtown. Customers can also go to the banks of the river to enjoy its murmurs when they have done their shopping.

In contrast, S2 lies to the southeastern end of the city. Despite its proximity to the roads and the railway, the location proves unfriendly to the residents because it is far from where they live. Moreover, the industrial complex just to its north will render it even more unfavorable, since the rumbles of machines are always a torture to shoppers. Yet there is still an advantage for S2: workers can take a brief break to buy what they want.

For all these differences, S1 and S2 are similar in one aspect. They suffer from a common disadvantage that they are both at a great distance from the golf course and park to the west of the city. Golfers will have to take a long ride on bus or train for shopping, be the mall constructed on S1 or S2.

Please feel free to give me advice. I am trying to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing. My current focus is on map analysis.




LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task 1] Below is a map of the city of Brandfield - investments plan [3]

@Holt
I see. Thank you for your explanation. I've finally found the proper way to write map analyses on the strength of your insightful advice. I will keep improve my English accordingly to pursue a perfect 9 in the actual test.
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: The trend of GDP growth in post-reform China [6]

@winky_wong
Hi. I'd like to rewrite a sentence for you.

By 1998, the GDP had already soared to 100,000 million yuan...

1) by 1998 is sufficient. "the time of" is redundant.
2) "by + time" usually comes with "had done", that's why I recommend "...had already soared".

But the way, you should always written "million yuan", not just "million".
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task1] Three possible sites for a new hypermarket, which will be built in the city of Pellington [7]

The map below shows three proposed sites for a new hypermarket (A, B and C) in the city of Pellington. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

hypermarket location proposition



The map given illustrates where a new hypermarket will be built in the city of Pellington. Three sites, A, B and C, have been brought forward for consideration. There difference will be summarized in this essay by making appropriate comparisons.

Prior to a closer examination of each proposal, I will provide readers a panorama of the city with a population of 120,000. From the south a railway meanders west to Hampford 15 kilometers away, where 30,000 people live. It cuts through a large stretch of residential area, at the heart of which lie a traffic-free zone and an adjacent park. In the east there is a motorway that runs north, separating the residential area and the countryside.

A is sited just west of the pedestrian zone, abutting the railway. Its position is favorable to residents, who can take a ride on train to do shopping, and even more so for people strolling around in the zone or the park, as they can walk here with ease to relish a dazzling collection of merchandises and services. The residents of Hampford will also stand to benefit, since it is just 15 kilometers train ride away. For all these advantages, there are drawbacks to A. It is not in the neighborhood of the airport to the southwestern corner, thus inconvenient to flyers, and situated opposite to an industrial belt, where smoke billowing from the chimneys will spoil shopping mood.

These problems are even more pronounced for C. It is located in the southern end, at a distance from the airport and close to a larger industrial complex. Albeit in the countryside, it is fairly accessible, thanks to its proximity to the railway, allowing shoppers coming here by train.

However, B does not have the redeeming feature. Situated in the northeastern corner, B is far from the residential area, let along the airport on the opposite side. Moreover, as no traffic line extends here, shoppers will have to make a trek. Perhaps the only advantage is that they will enjoy blue sky and fresh air, if a hypermarket is constructed in the countryside, distant from industrial areas.

Please feel free to give me advice. I would more appreciate it if you score my essay. I am trying to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing. My current focus is on map analysis.

The essay contains 350 words. I think I've presented a comprehensive analysis of the sites and the practice is good to improve my writing. However, it's quite hard to do such a work in 20 minutes in an actual test (45 minutes was used here). So I'm considering compressing it into 250 words. Some details may be safely omitted and a question arises:

Is it OK to delete the second paragraph to directly discuss the differences between A, B and C?





LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task1] Three possible sites for a new hypermarket, which will be built in the city of Pellington [7]

@Holt
Thank you for your detailed explanation. That's quite clear now. I will make progress accordingly.

In this essay, I tried to include everything that came to mind when I was writing. So you saw "a dazzling collection of merchandises and services" here. This was also an exploration of the limits of clarifying the implications.

The attempt proves unsuccessful, but I have learned a lesson anyway. :-)
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 20, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task1] Three possible sites for a new hypermarket, which will be built in the city of Pellington [7]

Hi, I tried to make my essay concise and eliminate imaginary information. Please feel free to give me advice. I'm doing my best to perfect my writing style.

The map illustrates where a new hypermarket is likely to be built in the city of Pellington. Three sites, A, B and C, have been brought forward for consideration. Their differences will be summarized in this essay by making appropriate comparisons.

With a population of 120,000, Pellington has a railway that leads around west to Hampford, through a residential area surrounding a traffic-free zone and an adjacent park. To the east of the railway lies a motorway. It intersects an industrial complex to the north.

A is sited just west of the pedestrian zone, close to the railway, a position favorable to strollers, and residents not merely in Pellington, but in Hampford. To arrive here only takes a 15 kilometers train ride for 30,000 people living in Hampford. However, A is also right opposite to an industrial belt. The noise of factory activities can dampen shopping mood.

The problem is more pronounced for C, which is in proximity to the larger industrial zone. Located in the countryside, it is also outside the housing estate. However, it remains fairly accessible, thanks to its closeness to the railway.

By comparison, B is even father from where people live. It sits on the northeastern corner of the city, without any traffic line communicating it with the city center. Yet the motorway is within a short distance, making it convenient for drivers to do shopping.

These sites share one drawback that they are far from the airport in the southwestern extreme. When passengers alight from a plane, they will have to cover a distance to A or C. If the hypermarket is constructed in B, they must make a longer journey to feed their shopping appetite.

280 words




LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 20, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task1] Three possible sites for a new hypermarket, which will be built in the city of Pellington [7]

@Holt
Thank you for your explanation. But I'm a bit confused. I suppose the map is about "shopping center", as the prompy goes:
The map below shows three proposed sites for a new hypermarket (A, B and C) in the city of Pellington.

I tried to include the industry area to explain its potential impacts on the site choice. Since "industrial complex" contains factories, whose operations can make noise. So I try to make clear the implication.

Now I don't know how to describe the potential impacts that an industrial area have on the choice of sites for a new market. The map does indicate two industrial areas. So can I simply leave them out?

I look forward to your answer. Since I have used up my credits yet. Perhaps I have to wait until I post another thread.
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 20, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task1] map writing: the evolution of a villege [4]

The map below shows the development of the village of Ryemouth between 1995 and present. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

analysis of the Ryemouth village



A map is presented for analysis of how the village of Ryemouth has developed since 1995. Immense differences can be found between 1995 and this year. They will be summarized in this essay by making relevant comparisons.

Overall, the coastal village has been always crisscrossed with two roads, along which facilities were and are built. While some of them remain intact, the others are totally converted. In addition, an expense of land to the northwest has been brought into entertainment use.

In 1995, Ryemouth had a fishing port in the south and fish markets nearby, across the road from a series of shops. To their east sat a hotel and a café. To the northwest of the village were built rows of housing units, whereas to the northeast lay an undeveloped farmland, bordered with a forest park is its south.

Currently, the landscape has seen tremendous changes. The port is demolished, and the fishing markets are replaced with apartments, opposite to the shop-turned restaurants. The housing estate expands south, with a branch road constructed to the west. A car park emerges next to the hotel, which is preserved along with the café. The most striking transformation occurs in the northeast, where the vast land reserved for crops and trees is developed into a golf course, containing a tennis court in its south.

223 words
I tried to make a concise and matter of fact report. Hope it works. I would more appreciate it if you score my essay.




LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 20, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Bar chart - Population distribution in the Northwest region (1900 to 2050) [8]

@Tran Minh Hien
Hi, I'd like to make some corrections for you.

it is projected in 2050 that under 10% will still live in this area.
--- You needed "will", or could have simply rewritten it as "it is projected to decline to less than 10%".

You should have made some comparisons as required by the prompt, such as:
--- In 1900, much more people lived in rural areas than in suburban ones.
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 21, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task 1] bar chart writing - where people live in the Northwest region [7]

population in rural, suburban and urban areas



The graph below shows the figures for population distribution in the Northwest region for 1900-2050.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The figure provided for analysis is a bar chart. It illustrates the population spread across rural, suburban and urban areas, in the Northwest region from 1990 to 2050. In this essay, I will outline the key information and draw comparisons when appropriate.

Initially, the countryside dwarfed the others in the share of the population, but its edge eroded over time. It became the least populous area in 2000 when suburbs and urban districts both topped the ranking. In 2050, rural population is forecast to shrink further, whereas the majority of people will live in suburbs.

While in 1900, rural residents composed 65% of the population, the proportion plummeted to 45% in 1950 and 20% in 2000. By contrast, the share of suburb dwellers went in the opposite direction, up from 10% in 1900 to 20% in 1950, and 40% in 2000. Based on projections, the disparity will widen in 2050, with just 10% of people living in villages but 55% of those in suburbs.

For urban areas, the comparable share has seen and will witness minimum fluctuation. It stayed at 35% in 1900 and 1950, the same percentage as expected in 2050. The only change occurred in 2000, when the figure inched to 40%.

203 words
I tried to make a concise report. I am trying to improve my English proficiency by keeping writing.




LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 21, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task 1] bar chart writing - where people live in the Northwest region [7]

@Holt
You asked me directly. So I'd like to give you an honest answer. That is, I want to listen to your advice and you have my trust. When I read your suggestion on my first essay in this forum, I made up my mind to place my trust on you and improve my writing under your guidance.

That's why I stick to the introduction format of three sentences that I have never found anywhere else or heard from anyone else, and follow your advice often contrary to that from dubious celebrities of IELTS in my country.

I absolutely believe in ah_zafari's good meaning and capacity, but if I should make choice, I choose to work with you, without doubt and hesitation.
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 21, 2017
Writing Feedback / [task 1] line graph - the revenue of a New York City Bookstore [6]

Hi, I'd like to make a correction for you.

... was found in Novels...
==> was made in Novels...
Though without the chart, I'm all but certain that novels is a source of revenue. So you should have used "made". "to find money" sounds like you pull a drawer and discover a 100 dollar note inside.
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 22, 2017
Writing Feedback / A person's worth should be judged by social status, material possessions or traditional values [4]

@tadey
Hi, I'd like to give you an example to paraphrase the prompt:
Opinions differ as... =>
These days, it appears that social rankings and tangible possessions are the sole criteria for a person's worth. Honor, kindness, trust and other old-fashioned values seem to have faded in significance...

" tangible possession" is a synonym of "material possession", as in /material+possession
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 22, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some people think that boarding schools are an exellent option for children, while others disagree [5]

@UkiUsman
Hi, I'd like to give you an paraphrase of the prompt where "boarding school" is left out:

many young people study....
=> Some people believe it a perfect choice for children to take up residence on a campus when school is in session. Yet others beg to differ on various grounds.

Here, I provide a definition of "boarding school" and use a synonym of "reasons".

4. grounds Factors forming a basis for action or the justification for a belief.
'there are some grounds for optimism'

Reference: en.oxforddictionaries/definition/ground
LadyOfClockwork   
Oct 22, 2017
Writing Feedback / The bar chart illustrates the Biritish male and female employees working in different occupations [3]

@hapi_hana9
Hi, I'd like to rewrite a sentence for you.

Overall, the percentage of men ...
=> Overall, most of job sectors are predominantly male.

Do you see the difference? In ielts chart writing, it is tempting to repeat "the number of", "the percentage of", and the like. But the repetition will drag down your LR points. Try to reduce the use. There are many other ways to mean the same thing.

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