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Posts by solivagant
Name: solivagant
Joined: Jun 5, 2019
Last Post: Jul 15, 2019
Threads: 8
Posts: 15  
Likes: 6
From: Russian Federation
School: 100

Displayed posts: 23
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solivagant   
Jul 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / Different amount of holiday entitlement [2]

number of holiday days depended from a job type?



Some say that people working in different job roles should get different amount of holiday time. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

Some people think that the number of holiday days should vary according to occupations, which is based on the assumption that some of them are more demanding than the others. But, I believe we need to adopt a more egalitarian approach in workplaces.

Firstly, the amount of time off one needs is quite subjective. So, any decision can lead to the disputes among workers. Most employees tend to regard their own jobs more exhausting than that of others`. Also, some of them might get tired easily, because they do almost the same things every day. For example, although I enjoyed my previous job, it became monotonous after several months. So, I needed to take a break in order to make it exciting again. Besides, mentally demanding jobs can be as hard as physically demanding ones. That is why it is difficult to determine which kinds of occupations deserve more vacation.

Secondly, when people take less holiday they may not be able to fully restore their energy. At the same time, the ones who get more time off can find it hard to readapt to the work. Both can have a negative impact on the productivity and the motivation of employees. So, I think there is an average time limit in which employees may regain their energy and still conform to the workplace quickly. This limit can have slight variations from person to person, but it is usually the same for majority. Therefore, there is no need to discriminate people on the grounds of their job positions. It would be better to apply the same sufficient amount of holiday time which will satisfy nearly everybody.

In conclusion, I disagree that different occupations should be entitled to different number of holiday days, because it is arguable which job roles deserve more of them. Also, it can negatively affect the overall performance of workers, even the ones who get more holiday entitlement than others.
solivagant   
Jul 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / The obesity of people rises and their health condition is getting worse [3]

Hi @linhchin! I`ll try my best to help you.

Let`s begin with your introduction. Instead of "It is true that the weight of people ..." , you might say: " Weight gain has become a growing concern among the populations of many countries in recent years" For me, this sounds stronger.

In the second paragraph, "... to blame for the bad health condition" here "bad health" is too general. There are various forms of bad health. And you are supposed to explain the weight gain specifically.

Try to avoid the words with similar meanings that does not add any value to a sentence. For example, ".. live a sedentary, lazy lifestyle.."

Finally, you can improve the conclusion by efficiently summarizing the reasons and solutions given by you in the main paragraphs. "In conclusion, citizens' health condition will ..." This sentence looks more like an alternative idea or a prediction rather than conclusion.
solivagant   
Jul 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS task2: Nowadays people make new friends through social networks and internet chat groups. [8]

Hi @tinapakshad1! I will try to provide you with a helpful feedback.
First, you used some words and phrases inappropriately, which I think is a strong reason for strengthening your lexical resource. For example, "..while we are looking after ourselves and be careful not to be fooled or betrayed." Look after yourself is not a good choise in this case. You could have used " be cautious" instead.

Then, in the introduction, you haven't paraphrased the actual question. Instead of different opinions on making friends in general, you should specifically describe online friendships and the approaches to it. I suppose you just missed the word "online" there. But, remember it makes great difference.

Finally, the essay's structure is good. You have managed to organize your essay logically. I didn't have any problems with understanding your whole point. But, it was hard to catch the individual sentences. So, as I have mentioned before you should improve your vocabulary and grammar.

Best of luck to you!
solivagant   
Jul 12, 2019
Writing Feedback / Housework sharing between women and men [2]

Household chores responsibility



Nowadays in many countries women have full time jobs. Therefore, it is logical to share household tasks evenly between men and women. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Over the last decades, women have become a great force in the economy of many countries. They now work full time as men and this raises a question of dividing up the housework equally between them. I agree that partners should help each other with the chores, but it shouldn`t be imposed on everyone as a strict norm.

On the one hand, the career success hasn`t completely changed woman`s position in family. She may be still expected to do the all housework even after an exhausting work day. In fact, modernization has probably doubled the burden of women. In order to ease it, domestic chores should be shared between men and women. Also, by doing the housework together, parents may become good role models for their children, as a result of which next generations can become more unbiased against women. For example, a friend of mine who has been brought up in a rigid patriarchal family thinks that it is a woman`s duty to do the household chores.

On the other hand, I think that the uniqueness of every household and the consent between men and women should be taken into account. Couples themselves should decide on how to divide the work and it should be always based on the consent of both sides. In other words, if the woman is eager to do more housework than the man, we have no right to force them to evenly share the work. It can have a negative impact on a relationship, as partners will focus on equality rather than helping each other in a kind way.

All things considered, I believe both men and women should be responsible for carrying out the chores, because it may lighten women`s load. However, we should keep an open mind, so that breaking down the old prejudice wouldn`t lead us to a new one.
solivagant   
Jul 12, 2019
Writing Feedback / The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992. [2]

Hi @Kalina1110!
I'll try my best to help you. Firstly, you made several mistakes when describing the data. It is important to present information correctly as it is shown in a chart.

Secondly, I think your overview isn't accurate, which is the result of the above-mentioned problem too.

So let's get into details. Here are some suggestions and corrections from me:

..of females and males employees in employments in different ...

"... was higher than that in manual occupation while ... opposite" I'd say that they aren't quite opposite, because in females non-manual work has far higher percentages than manual one, but for men the figure for these two is shared almost evenly. So, you'd better write like this:

"..while that in males was opposite the figure for male employees is almost the same in both types of work.

"... workforce was very small ... woman" According to the data, 52% ... So you may say:

"..was higher in men than in women"
solivagant   
Jul 11, 2019
Writing Feedback / Evaluating the opinion that increasing petrol's price would solve traffic and pollution problems [4]

Hi @linhchin!
I`ll try my best to help you. First and foremost, you should be careful about the words you use while expressing your own ideas. For example, "when the petrol's price is higher, people will start using less petrol and therefore, this energy industry will be affected " : unless you have a strong evidence, try to use expressions that sound less certain, such as "may start, can be affected".

Besides, I think the essay is well-ordered. But, in the second paragraph, you haven`t developed your second reason. It seems incomplete to me.

Here are some corrections from me:
Because of this, the economy of many ... petrol is an important ... nations the main source of their national income.

since petroleum industry is their most ... industry one of the biggest exports earner in this region.

...food price will be increased.
solivagant   
Jul 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / Two different attitudes towards old people [4]

Care and support for the elderly



Some people believe that the government should take care of old people and provide financial support after they retire. Others say individuals should save during their working years to fund their own retirement. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

People have different views on how to treat the elders. For some of them, they should be provided with a pension, while others are against the government regulations and think that everyone should set some money aside for their retirement. In my opinion, the government should offer financial support to retirees.

There are several reasons why old people should receive the government`s care. Firstly, if the elderly have worked and paid taxes before they retire, they deserve adequate public funding. They shouldn`t be just thrown away because of the lack of productivity. Secondly, saving for retirement is not an option for the vast majority of the world`s population. For instance, in my country, a large number of people who work for low wages barely afford their living expenses. Life can become unbearable for these people, as soon as they grow old. As a result of industrialization which has a negative effect on family values, more parents are seemed to be neglected by their children. It means that their help is also to be excluded. In such cases, the government support is a matter of life and death.

On the other hand, some argue that the elders who haven`t saved for the retirement may be a heavy burden to country`s economy. They believe that the government can invest in more beneficial areas instead of financing the people unable to generate any profit. In other words, saving can help the government to balance its budget. Another reason why some people consider the retirement provision crucial is the concern about free market. In their opinion, it is better to reduce state intervention as much as possible in order to enable the market to create its own care mechanisms for the older people.

In conclusion, although saving can have some advantages to it, I believe that the government should take care of the elderly.
solivagant   
Jul 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: Types of pollution [5]

Hi @nimbus2k2!
I`ll try my best to help you!
Actually, I think your report is well-organized.
These are some corrections from me:

The main source of noise came from the is traffic.

...residents, doubled the number of which were twice as many as rural ones.

... and half of that number in rural areas.
solivagant   
Jul 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / [IELTS task 2] Males and Females should have an Equal Education Opportunity [5]

Hi @khoaminh!
I`ll try my best to help you.
First, your need to organise your essay in a logical way. My main suggestion is that you should write a plan beforehand. After stating your opinion, divide your reasons into at least two paragraphs with one main idea in each. This is a sample plan for your essay:

Introduction: Give your opinion - Yes, they should have equal place in each subject.

Paragraph 1: Main idea - Because women have been oppressed by men throughout the history.We should compensate this.

Paragraph 2: Main idea - If promoted, women can make great contributions to science and other areas.

Conclusion: Restate your opinion.
solivagant   
Jun 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / Which one is better: STEM or STEAM? [3]

evaluating school curriculum



Some people say that art subjects such as music, drama and creative writing are an essential part of education, and every school should include them in its syllabus. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and examples from your own experience.

In the last decades, test-based assessment has pushed the fine arts further toward the margins. However, I think that art subjects are integral parts of learning and they should be added to every school curriculum for several reasons.

Firstly, the arts may help learners develop essential skills which will certainly carry over into their education, career and other parts of life. Assuming the latest technological advances, creativity and decision making skills are probably the best outcomes of art-based education, as they are less likely to be replicated by robots. Art subjects, such as painting and creative writing , get students to use their own imagination and express themselves freely which is almost impossible in academic subjects. Also, these kinds of disciplines teach children how to make decisions and solve problems independently. For example, while writing , they should decide on the content and deal with the technical problems on their own.

Secondly, providing art classes at schools can actually improve the academic performance. Most of the art subjects, particularly music seem to make unique contributions to brain development. For instance, in my country, many parents, especially the wealthy ones encourage their children to learn to play any particular musical instrument, because it is widely accepted to make them smarter as they grow up. That`s why there is also a growing tendency to incorporate art into the way other subjects are learned.

In conclusion, I believe that the arts are necessary for a well-rounded education, as they can provide students with a variety of skills they will need as adults.
solivagant   
Jun 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 : essay about self-study and study in group [4]

Hi @oneouran
I`ll try my best to help you.
I find your essay quite well-organised.
But you should be careful about how you express your personal opinions. As you`re asked to write subjectively, these kinds of sentences may sound ambitious : "In conclusion..." Instead of "it is obvious" you can use "I believe, I think" etc.

Best of luck to you!
solivagant   
Jun 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / It is better for young students to learn English with Vietnamese teachers than native teachers [5]

Hi @tranphuongnhi
I hope my feedback will be useful for you.
I think you can join together the second and the third paragraph under "qualification reason". You`ve used similar ideas in them. For example, you`ve mentioned "methods" in the second paragraph ("... to get access to modern and advanced educational methods") and it is also the central idea of the next paragraph. So, combining them may be a good idea.

And you should try to avoid repetition as much as possible.

And here are some corrections:
... study more effectively than ...
... is very useful without time - consuming and timesaving.
but we can also know gain an insight into their culture
To understand ... and culture, Native teachers can help us to get a grasp on the culture

Good luck to you!
solivagant   
Jun 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / Encouraging the young people to live alone - is it a good idea? [3]

How to deal with youngsters



Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay at home with the family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Parents have different views on how to treat youngsters as they grow up. Some think that it is better for them not to live alone, whereas others prefer leaving them to their own devices. Inspite of some disadvantages, I think, parents should let the young people leave home when they get older.

On the one hand, the parents who are against separating have several reasons for it. They believe the young tend to be anxious and impulsive, which can get them to lead an unhealthy lifestyle. In other words, without being supervised, they might end up having bad habits, such as alcoholism and drug addiction. Furthermore, people who start living on their own at young ages may gradually lose the bonds with the family. As a result, they can neglect their parents, when they are in need of care.

On the other hand, there are many parents who actually inspire their children to depart from home and discover the real world. Firstly, it helps the young people gain the efficient coping mechanisms for survival. It means they become more adaptive to new circumstances. Secondly,while living alone, the youngsters can learn how to make decisions independently. For instance, managing the spendings alone will enhance not only their decision-making abilities, but also the sense of responsibility. Finally, being able to deal with such difficulties can boost one's confidence. For example, when I achieve my goals without any support, I feel more self-assured.

In conclusion, although it can sometimes result in bad behaviour, I think, the benefits of living alone from young ages far outweigh the drawbacks.
solivagant   
Jun 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Should people live alone or share accommodation with others? [5]

Hi @coke! Good luck to you in your exams!
I think it is unnecessary to mention researches on the topic, because you`re asked to give your own opinion. And if you want to add some examples, they should be related to your personal experiences.

Also, please, don`t use this kind of sentences in your exam:
This essay believes I believe this is a negative development trend, because people will become socially isolated and they will not have anyone to rely on when they are in trouble. although there may be some advantages to it.

So to speak, give your reasons in the main paragraphs.
solivagant   
Jun 14, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 - Fair Judgement - the best way to reduce crime is by giving longer prison? [3]

Hi @nguyenvuong
I reckon it would be more easy for a reader to follow the whole essay, if you included your opinion in the introduction.

Also, you`ve made some grammatical mistakes which I would like to correct:

..., however, think are concerned that if the punishment ...
... and fairer punishment should be ...
because of the efficient ...
solivagant   
Jun 10, 2019
Writing Feedback / Challenges of learning a new language [4]

foreign language STUDY - ISSUES, EXPERIENCES



Many people believe that learning a foreign language is a very difficult task. What are the most difficult things about learning a foreign language? What is the best way to overcome them? Explain and include your personal experience or knowledge of these problems.

It is true that a large number of people find it hard to acquire a new language. Although the second language learners might face several difficulties, there are some useful methods to deal with them.

One of the most frequent problems the language learners go through is comprehension. Despite of the good vocabulary knowledge, they struggle a lot to understand the native speakers. However, speaking the language which is completely different from your native one is probably much more challenging, because it involves both cognitive and motor skills. In other words, you have to think and act at the same time. That's why it takes non-native speakers great effort to become fluent in the foreign languages.

Hopefully, there are some helpful ways of removing the obstacles to this learning process. First of all, it is necessary to expose yourself to the language you're studying as much as possible. Also, it is important to listen to or read the things you're really passionate about. Personally, I've improved my understanding of English by watching open lectures on Youtube and reading a lot of interesting articles and books in English. However, you may not get the same results in speaking with this method only. In order to express your thoughts effortlessly, you should practice speaking in the targeted language at least an hour a day. For example, my speaking ability has been enhanced, since I started talking to myself in English on a daily basis.

In conclusion, learning a new language may seem tough for various reasons, such as difficulties in understanding and speaking , while using some strategies may help us through these problems.
solivagant   
Jun 10, 2019
Writing Feedback / The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents..... [3]

Hi @EmanF!
In your essay you've mentioned different studies which I think is superfluous, because you're supposed to give your own view on the topic. Not what others think or discover.

Secondly, the question is "To what extend do you agree ?". It means that you are expected to give your opinion, then expand it with the sound reasons and examples. In my view, the third paragraph in which you've come up with some solutions is not relevant to this format.
solivagant   
Jun 10, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS-2 : we will become more independent due to the advancement of the world [5]

Hi @bearch5
If we depend on Internet in all aspects of our lives, then how is it possible for us to be independent? I think, you have to find stronger reasons in order to support your view. For example,"the internet provides a wide range of opportunities for education and self-improvement. Everyone can have an access to knowledge just by one click, not depending on their social background or financial conditions.This makes us less and less conditioned by our environment." You can also mention the benefit of the technological advances to the people with physical disabilities.
solivagant   
Jun 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / Two different recruiting criteria [2]

employers' priority when choosing somebody to work



While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attention to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

Employing the right person for the position is one of the key elements which makes companies more competitive. I believe that hirers should prioritize not only candidates` academic credentials and previous work experiences, but also their characters.

On the one hand, it seems quite reasonable to hire the people whose qualifications are in line with the actual job. In fact, some occupations require specific skills and talents which necessarily involve a huge commitment. For example, for being a qualified doctor, one should get proper education and have at least 1 year of practical experience. If the recruiter fails to find the person who is a good match for the requirements in such sensitive jobs, it may have a negative influence on the reputation of the company in long-term.

On the other hand, I think that personality should be taken into account while hiring a new worker. There are some jobs that are based on team work, while the others are more individualistic. That is the reason why character should play an important role for companies when they have to decide whom to employ. For instance, programmers don`t need to be sociable and talkative , whereas if you are planning to work as a salesperson, you should have excellent communication skills. Personally, when I was working as a salesperson, it took me quite a long time to adapt to the team spirit because of my introversy.

So, in my view, both professional and personal qualities should be considered main criteria by the interviewers when they asses the candidates.
solivagant   
Jun 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS2: Are the problems that international travellers cause greater than the advantages they bring? [3]

Hi @oneouran
If you think that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, it would be better to develop your opinion and give the reasons why you think international tourism is profitable instead of contrasting pros and cons in the main paragraphs.This will make your essay more organised.You don`t have to explain both opinions, because your answer is straight.
solivagant   
Jun 6, 2019
Writing Feedback / Child punishment as a way of teaching morality [5]

Thank you so much for your attention.
@Cautiouswriter
Do you think it is necessary to address the second question, although i disagreed with the first one? I`d been wondering about it and then ended up ignoring it. :)

@Maria
I think you are right. It seems that i try so hard to write in long sentences. But what do you mean by conventional written work?
solivagant   
Jun 5, 2019
Writing Feedback / Child punishment as a way of teaching morality [5]

A "tool" of moral education for children



Hi Everyone! Can you evaluate my essay and give some feedback? Thanks in advance.

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them to learn this distinction.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

It is one of the most vital duties of parents to start teaching their children to tell right from wrong from a very young age. Punishment may seem the most effective and the easiest way of doing so. However, I`m strongly convinced that we should avoid this method of moral education, because its side effects outweigh the benefits.

The first reason why it isn`t a good idea to punish your offspring in order to help them learn moral rules is it usually entails many negative consequences initially unintended by the parents. Punishment, whether it is physical or emotional can cause serious health problems and deep psychological traumas. In fact, some individuals spend their entire lives to overcome them. Furthermore, although reward and punishment system might sound perfect theoretically, in reality parents usually are inconsistent at their actions and they also fail to make punishment fit the crime most of the time due to the changes in their moods. It can make the children confused, because they generally have no clue about what to expect when they misbehave again. In other words, they can be grown into insecure and anxious people who consider the world as a chaotic place where no prediction is possible.

There is another vital drawback to this kind of teaching. It can mistakenly get children to associate morality with pleasure and stop them from becoming autonomous moral beings who act in a particular way not because it is commonly acceptable by others, but because it is the right thing to do. Most of the individuals who have been raised with this method tend to never quit their comfort zones, which in turn might occasionally mean to behave immorally, for instance , to neglect injustice if it doesn`t harm them. On the other hand, they may change their behavior patterns flexibly as soon as no one observes them. That is, if these people can escape penalty, they will probably cheat.

To summarize, I believe that it is not acceptable to use punishment as a tool of moral education for children. First of all, it can damage them both physically and psychologically. Also, it may lead to the misconceptions about morality.
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